Exile on Clark Street

So....What the Hell Happened?

2011-08-22T23:51:00.000-05:00

I've never been happy with how this ended. Too many blogs just stop posting with no reason or explanation, leaving all ten of their readers wondering, "What the hell happened?"

The short answer is this: We gave up.

We ran Thunder Matt's Saloon for a handful of years and written over 1,000 posts. Over that time we added new writers and even abandoned the blog for a new venture before deciding that was a terrible idea and coming back to the original. When things started feeling stale we felt it was time to start a new site and thus Exile On Clark was created. But it wasn't staleness that was the issue. It was burnout. Most of us just couldn't do it any more. And while some of us tried our best to keep things going, those attempts inevitably proved futile.

So nearly six months since our last post, here I am to offer closure and an assurance that this site is in fact, dead.

It was a phenomenal time while it was going. I still go back and read a lot of the posts from the TMS days and laugh my ass off. But the writings from what I consider one of the most amazing ragtag group of writers ever assembled are now part of a bygone era. We got too busy, too old, too focused on real life, or just too lazy to continue.

Not that some of us haven't tried. Even I can't completely give it up. I've written sparsely at Terrible Cubs Fan this year. Emphasis on sparsely. Carruthers is still going strong at his site Wasting Away in Wrigleyville. Wolter is still chronicling the endless punching of Hitler. Some of the others may have something going on too but I don't remember, or care, but mostly remember.

So that's it. Closure. This site is officially dead. It's not coming back. So end your hunger strikes already.

Good bye all ten of our readers and thanks for reading.

Cubs Tickets: Get them while they're still mildly lukewarm!

2011-02-25T13:27:00.000-06:00

I've enthusiastically waited for this day to come every year for the last decade now. The day single game Cubs tickets went on sale became such a big deal to me I began taking the day off from work solely to focus on landing tickets to the games I wanted.

That's not the case any more.

In fact today I merely participated with the Virtual Waiting Room for mere amusement really. I've done it for so long it just seemed weird not to. But I had no real need. Because I bought my tickets yesterday on StubHub. While some poor schmucks were probably spending even more than the already exorbitant prices for tickets during the Cubs "special" pre-sale, I bought 10 bleacher seats for a game in July that even after taxes and fees still came out under face value. If you counted the 20% markup for the pre-sale I saved roughly $30 per ticket.

So instead of pissing around with today's VWR to only buy the maximum six tickets before waiting some more to buy the other four, I saved some money, bought them earlier, and didn't wasted hours of time doing so.

As of 1:00pm today I went in to the VWR and only waited 5 minutes before getting in. Not only that, I was still able to buy tickets to games that in previous years would've been long sold out at that point. Cubs vs. Cardinals on a Sunday. Cubs vs. White Sox on a Friday. Opening Freakin' Day! All still available tickets for them, and in bunches too, not just scatttered singles.

It seems the fans may finally be fed up. Increasing already inflated prices for an inferior product on the field may have reached a point of diminishing returns for the Cubs. Why bother buying tickets today when you could get them for cheaper anyway a couple weeks ago on StubHub? Why even bother buying them early on StubHub when you can just wait for midseason and buy tickets for half the face value or less?

The consumer votes with his wallet, and this time the Cubs are losing the election.

The Best Albums of 2010

2011-01-14T10:38:00.003-06:00

We first did this in 2007, and again in 2008 and 2009. In what has become one of the time honored traditions for us I give you our top music albums of 2010.

This year with EOC going into near hibernation and such, we weren't as thorough coming up with formal lists and write-ups as we may have been in the past. Instead I basically just asked the guys what their favorite albums were and received a hodgepodge of replies. Here's what I wound up with, uncut and unedited.

Note, this is a long post to get through. Make sure you have enough screwoff time at work to get through it. Or maybe print it out and read it on the shitter.

from Lingering Bursitis

Ugh. Morning.

Anyway, Favourite Music I Heard in 2010 (some released in 2009, but fuck you)
----
Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Amusement Parks on Fire - Young Fight EP
Stornoway - The Beachcomber's Windowsill
The Coral - Butterfly House
Foals - Total Life Forever
Black Keys - Brothers
Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More
Aeroplane - We Can't Fly
The Count and Sinden - Mega Mega Mega
Mystery Jets - Serotonin
Everything Everything - Man Alive
Villagers - Becoming a Jackal
Big Boi - Sir Luscious Left Foot: The Ballad of Chico Dusty
LCD Soundsystem - This is Happening
The Budos Band - III

from Ginger Russ

My Top 10 music:

1. Broken Bells - Broken Bells
2. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs
3. The Dead Weather - Sea of Cowards
4. The Black Keys - Brothers
5. Girl Talk - All Day
6. Blitzen Trapper - Destroyer of the Void

from Tuna?

Why are people so obsessed with ranking things? I think ranking things is over-rated.

from Chaim Witz

(Note: the following excerpt taken from his own blog)

1. Vampire Weekend: Contra - A creative and wholly unique mixture of melodies and guitars that causes unbridled happiness in a much more compact, affordable package than Prozac. A musical science experiment that's quirky yet accessible, sweet but never cloying.
2. Spoon: Transference - Their most challenging yet rewarding album yet. If "Written In Reverse" doesn't make you want to go tackle a cat, I don't know what will.
3. The Black Keys: Brothers - A step in the right direction after the comparatively disappointing Attack and Release, this take no prisoners opus could have been #1 if they'd trimmed some of the fat off the last half of the album.
4. Mumford and Sons: Sigh No More - Rousing, sing-along pub rock at it's finest and one of the best live shows I saw in 2010. Weather or not they're "authentic" enough is a debate best left to the skinny jean Pitchfork nerds.
5. Arcade Fire: The Suburbs - Another album with loads of brilliance, that like the Black Keys, could have used a better editor. These guys are peerless when it comes to rocking the concept album.
6. The Dead Weather: Sea of Cowards - Dirty rock, loud guitar Album of the Year from one of Jack White's 627 side projects.
7. LCD Soundsystem: This is Happening - Stuff this danceable is usually outside of my comfort zone, but this is essentially dance music for old white guys. I fit the bill perfectly.
8. Kings of Leon: Come Around Sundown - I was justifiably leery after their last album of fairly generic stadium rock, as I've always preferred their Dirty South sound, but they rebounded nicely with this one, which took me months to finally pull the trigger on. Detractors will have their way with the meandering pace and lack of crunchy riffs, but in my mind this is one of the best, chill albums of the year.
9. My Chemical Romance: Danger Days - It would be a mistake to pigeon hole these glam rockers as an emo flash in the pan. Think Ziggy Stardust meets Queen with a little cock rock swagger thrown in for good measure.
10. MGMT: Flash Delirium - There are no real catchy singles like on their debut, but there also aren't any real clunkers either. Solid hipster tuneage.

Honorable Mention:

Butch Walker: I Liked It Better When You Had No Heart - Not his best effort, but Days/Months/Years was certainly one of the better songs of last year, and the album has it's definite Butch-y moments.
Kanye West: My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy - He's a real douche, but his genius label is somewhat justified. But he's still a douche.
The Soft Pack: Self Titled - California garage rock with some punch.
Pete Yorn: Self Titled - This guy churns out albums like I churn out hyperbole, and this one is one of his better efforts in some time.
Band of Horses: Infinite Arms - "Laredo" is a great song. The rest of the album struggles at times to live up to that gold standard, but is still a pleasant ride.

Other albums I enjoyed to one extent or another: Buckcherry, All Night Long; Stone Temple Pilots, Self Titled; Broken Social Scene, Forgiveness Record; Gaslight Anthem, American Slang

Biggest disappointments: The New Pornographers, Together; Broken Bells, Self Titled; Gorillaz, Plastic Beach; Hot Chip, One Night Stand

from T.R.

My albums of the year:

1) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
2) Crowded House - Intriguer
3) As yet unreleased Gorillaz album
4) LCD Soundsystem

from Adam Blank

Even though others will try to spin 2010 as a great year for music, I was pretty underwhelmed. If the past is any indication, I've learned that I will discover the best 10 albums of 2010...in another decade or two. Until then, here's the best of the new shit that I actually listened to last year...

10 Los Camposinos!--Romance is Boring

This album came out of Wales (although, interestingly enough, none of their 7 members are Welsh). I've seen this album described as being about "relationships, sex, football (soccer to you and me) and death". Maybe not necessarily in that order. This band can certainly craft a song with insightful lyrics within the confines of a cheesy pop melody. I genuinely enjoyed this album... but, damn it, every other song has an inordinate amount of hand-clapping in it, which makes me feel like I joined a cult or fraternity. This album would seriously rank much higher if I could get over petty bullshit like excessive clapping. But I can't. Oh Los Camposinos, please make another good album, ditch the ridiculous hand-clapping and I'll start calling that sport you love so much "football." Deal?

9 Devo--Something for Everybody

Devo's first studio album in 20 years manages to sound contemporary while still sounding just like a Devo album. Either they were that far ahead of the curve or the music of today is regressing back into post-punk awesomeness. Either way, I can't lose. This album almost made me forgive the band for for the near-stroke I suffered when Devo 2.0 was announced. Speaking of that, the blond chick from Devo 2.0,..she's legal now, right? If she's not, I'm in trouble...

8 The Fall--Your Future, Our Clutter

The Fall is a U.K. band nearly as old as Devo. Unlike Devo, The Fall has released 16 studio albums in the past 20 years and 28 overall. This album probably isn't the best representation of their work, but I really can't recommend a good point to jump in to their discography. Check out this album. If you like Mark E. Smith's reverberating vocals and rockabilly-inspired guitar, this album is probably a good place as any to begin digging through their massive output. If you don't like it, you're probably an idiot.

7 Male Bonding--Nothing Hurts

Yet another fucking U.K. band. Is this one of the best punk albums in a long time or am I just drunk every single time I listen to it? Yes. There really isn't anything new to see here, just borrowed riffs and ideas from people who probably did it better. But Male Bonding managed to borrow from the right bands on this album. Although this album doesn't break any new ground, I've probably listened to it more than any other album from 2010.

6 The Soft Pack--The Soft Pack

I can't pinpoint why I don't like this album nearly as much as I did their last E.P. (which they released as The Muslims). It's like they lost their edge a bit when they also lost their more provocative moniker. But it's still a really solid effort. These guys were influenced by lots of different styles, and it bleeds through on this album. I hear 60's garage psychedelia, some Ventures-inspired surf music, a bit of early Cure and a heaping of 90's styled pop-punk. This band will likely make it big soon. And then I'll probably stop listening to them.

5 A Forest of Stars--Opportunistic Thieves of Spring

So much could have gone wrong with this high-concept black metal album from another fucking U.K band. Let's list the potential problems: They're a British black metal band, there are only 6 tracks in the album's 72 minute running time, the garbled lyrics are nearly indecipherable, and the distortion coupled with classical instrumentation will make a lot of listeners wince. Upon initially hearing this album, I'd fathom that most would dismiss it as unlistenable garbage. Others, with slightly keener ears, will merely label it as pretentious drivel. But if you're extraordinarily patient, this album will grow on you just like single malt scotch, art house films with subtitles and Victorian-era literature. It certainly isn't for everyone, but for those who keep an open mind and possess an attention span that can handle a slow build-up, this album is definitely worth looking into. Keep listening to it until you understand how brilliant it really is.

4 Dum Dum Girls--I Will Be

If someone asked me to describe The Dum Dum Girls in a succinct manner, I'd say something like "lo-fi noise-pop girl band." What the fuck does that mean? Well, they sound like the modern equivalent of one of Phil Spector's better girl bands filtered through the good part of the early 90's alternative wave of female bands. Ok, that's a little vague, so try this... Imagine the chick songs from The Vaselines remixed until they sounded like they belonged on the Beyond the Valley of the Dolls soundtrack. Too specific/obscure? Ok, imagine The Breeders running head first into the Wall of Sound. Too abstract? Fuck. I'm running low on analogies. How about this...take only the mamas from The Mamas and Papas, have their shit covered by Blondie and remix the whole thing so it sounds like it was recorded in a cave. That's as close as I can get. And, for me, that's also as close to a straight-up recommendation as humanly possible.

3 Tame Impala--Innerspeak

Usually bands that go out of their way to sound like The Beatles irritate the bejesus out of me. I mean, Kevin Parker's vocals sound just fucking like John Lennon's! And the musical arrangements sound suspiciously like tracks that didn't quite make it on to Rubber Soul for some reason or another. So why am I not irritated by this album? (More analogies!) Perhaps it's because Innerspeak sounds like a later Beatles album if Sonic Youth were allowed to remix it. Or maybe it sounds like what I imagine (no pun intended) John Lennon would have done with his solo career if he were a little more egotistical and didn't write all those boring songs about the plight of women, the working class and the stupidity of war. Any way you look at it, every time I listen to this album, I somehow come away from it hating Paul McCartney a little more for still being alive. I don't think that's not a bad thing...

2 Fol Chen--Part II: The New December

Yet another band that I really want to dislike! Why? Well, these assholes perform in disguise and go out of their way to remain anonymous. Hey fuckers, then don't form a goddamn band! They're from L.A., like me. Maybe I should go around to hot little pieces of ass at clubs and tell them I'm in the band. "Yeah baby, I'm in Fol Chen.Yeah...I'm the fat one." Despite my rage and nefarious plans, this album is solid, if not entirely even. Some songs are so docile that you could play them for people recovering from heart surgery. A few tracks remind me of Mazzy Star without the reverb on vocals. Others are so pop-tastic that they belong on promos for bullshit shows on the CW. But some...some of this these tracks are weird experimental electronic shit that doesn't quite fit in anywhere on planet earth. That's the shit that I like best. In 2 years this band's songs will be selling Hyundais to assholes. Get into them now so you can tell everyone you liked them before they were cool.

1 Flying Lotus--Cosmogramma

My album of the year. Why? Well, I'm not entirely sure. I guess I feel that this is the most important album of the year. Mostly without words to fuck it up, it's easily one of the most accessible albums I have on my list, yet it's like nothing you've ever heard. Cosmogramma is a jazz-inspired electronic album with a fusion of outer space noise that's intermittently interrupted by shit that sounds like Mario hitting a 10-coin brick on the old NES. Folks, this may just be the future of music. At the very least, it's a high watermark in the realm of electronic music. People will be listening to this album for years to come, and the good bands of tomorrow will be citing it as an influence over the next few decades.

Honorable Mentions

Cathy Santonies--I'm Yr Friend! I'm Yr Revolution (EP)

If I weren't a complete Nazi bastard about this sort of thing, this release from Chicago's very own riot grrrl band would have placed high on my list of 10 best albums. But it's only an EP! Therefore I can't, in good conscience, put it in my top 10 albums of the year. I can't fucking wait to hear a full-length album from these girls. If you're curious, you can download their EP from their website for free. And if you're lucky enough to live in Chicago, try to see them perform live. I have it on good authority that they're amazing.

Lognhalsmottagningen – Fina nyanser i nya finanser

Another EP, this time by a Swedish band. These fuckers have the late 70's punk sound down to a tee. I had to triple check that this E.P. actually came out in 2010 and not 1978. They somehow managed to perfectly recaptured the lo-fi sound of raw live punk from that era. Seriously, it's eerie. Who gives a fuck that it's all in Swedish and I don't know what they're singing about? If you're into this type of thing, you need to hear these guys.

from Surplus Ben

If I listened to any new music in 2010 I would send you a list, but I'm an uncultured asshole so it's not happening.

from Wolter

I listened mostly to not new music this year.

from Goreo

At least for me, 2010 has been one of the best years in a long time where music is concerned. The following are what I consider to be the best fourteen albums of 2010. Aside from the #1 spot, I wouldn't say that these are really ranked in terms of their quality. They're all pretty good in my opinion.

1. Wake Up!-John Legend and The Roots. John Legend teamed up with The Roots to record this album of 60's protest music, plus one Legend original. The songs translate well to the current era of economic malaise and political doubt. In my opinion, this is the album of the year. Choice Cuts: "Hard Times", "Little Ghetto Boy", "I Can't Write Left-Handed", and "Compared to What".

2. The Long Goodbye-David Hidalgo and Louie Perez. Hidalgo and Perez are best known as members of Los Lobos and they have been collaborating songwriters since their high school days. The arrangements are sparse, with a minimum of instrumentation. There's an air of nostalgia about the songs; a sense of longing and simplicity. I really like the way the album was arranged and recorded, as it creates a level of intimacy with the performers, and meshes well with the lyrics. Choice Cuts: "Til The Hands Fall Off The Clock", "Take My Hand".

3. Women and Country-Jakob Dylan. Former Wallflower Jakob Dylan's 2nd solo album, produced by T-Bone Burnett and featuring backing vocals by Neko Case and Kelly Hogan, with guitarists Marc Ribot and Smokey Hormel, plus Greg Leisz. Dylan turns in some great songs and the T-Bone production gives it that old-timey feel. Choice Cuts: "Down On Our Own Shield", "Holy Rollers For Love", Nothing But The Whole Wide World".

4. Harlem River Blues-Justin Townes Earle. Steve Earle's son steps further out his dad's shadow with this release. Earle is a fantastic songwriter and his songs have that old country feel with touches of gospel and blues. Choice Cuts: "Christchurch Woman", the cheerful suicide note of the title track, "One More Night in Brooklyn".

5. Junky Star-Ryan Bingham. As you can no doubt tell from my list, I dig singer-songwriter types and Ryan Bingham fits my tastes perfectly. Another solid album of country tunes that owe more to Johnny Cash and the gold old days than to Toby Keith and Alan Jackson. Thank God for that. Choice Cuts: "Depression", "The Poet", "Lay My Head On the Rail".

6. Tin Can Trust-Los Lobos. The new one from Los Lobos may not match their masterpiece, Kiko, but TCT is still a great album from the Band From East L.A.. Choice Cuts: "Tin Can Trust", "All My Bridges Burning", "Jupiter Or The Moon", and the Dead cover "West L.A. Fadeaway".

7. The Brutalist Bricks-Ted Leo and The Pharmacists. Ted Leo returns with another no nonsense disc of socially charged postpunk anthems. Or whatever the hell you want to call it. Leo continues to masterfully blend intelligent lyrics with catchy razorsharp riffs. Choice Cuts: "Mourning in America", "Woke Up Near Chelsea", "Bottled in Cork", "Even Heroes Have to Die".

8. I'm Having Fun Now-Jenny and Johnny. Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley joins forces with Johnathon Rice on this thirty-five minute powerpop rocker. The chipper music belies the darker tinged lyrics. Great stuff. Choice Cuts: "Switchblade", "Big Wave", "Animal".

9. American VI: Ain't No Grave-Johnny Cash. This posthumous release from The Man in Black contains what is supposed to be the last of the material he recorded for Rick Rubin. If so, this is a fitting coda for Cash's career. While the strength may have left his voice, it suits the content of the songs here. Choice Cuts: "Ain't No Grave", "I Corinthians 15:55", "Can't Help But Wonder Where I'm Bound", "Aloha Oe".

10. Codeine Velvet Club-Codeine Velvet Club. Jon Fratelli of The Fratellis teams up with chanteuse Lou Hickey for a vintage sixties sound. Reverb drenched guitars, horns, and silky vocals make this record a winner. This might just be the best album you never heard, so go hear it. Choice Cuts: "Reste Avec Moi", "Nevada", "Hollywood".

11. Sting in the Tail-Scorpions. A bit of a guilty pleasure, but I've been a Scorpions fan for a long time and this is supposed to be their final album. If so, they've gone out with a bang. The album seems to draw sounds from various eras of the band, including the "Rock You Like a Hurricane"-esque "Raised on Rock" juxtaposed with "The Good Die Young" which wouldn't have been out of place on previous album Humanity Hour One. Choice Cuts: The afore mentioned "Raised on Rock" and "The Good Die Young", "Sly"

12. Black Ribbons-Shooter Jennings and Hierophant. A concept album from outlaw country's favorite son? Surely you jest? Surely it sucks? No on both counts. Jennings has created this weird trip of an album that takes place in an oppressive society where the last DJ Will O' The Wisp (played with paranoid glee by horror writer Stephen King) spins the recordings of Heirophant over pirated airwaves. The songs vary wildly in both style (and quality), but the overall effect is pretty cool and worth listening to at least once. Choice Cuts: "Fuck You I'm Famous", "Triskadekaphobia", "Lights in the Sky".

13. Together-The New Pornographers. Another set of eclectic powerpop from the Canadian supergroup. Choice Cuts: "Silver Jenny Dollar", "Up In The Dark", "Crash Years", "If You Can't See My Mirrors".

14. Black Swans and Wormhole Wizards-Joe Satriani. Guitar virtuoso Satriani delivers another brilliant album of melodic and challenging instrumentals. Choice Cuts: "Pyrrhic Victoria", "Light Years Away", "The Golden Room".

15. You Are Not Alone-Mavis Staples. Produced by Wilco's Jeff Tweedy, this album of gospel folk is as inspiring as it is catchy. I'm not religious at all and yet still enjoyed this release immensely. The perfect choice to pop in the CD player when you're having a bad day. Choice Cuts: "You Are Not Alone", "We're Gonna Make It", "I Belong to the Band".

Honorable Mentions: The Promise-Bruce Springsteen, Exile on Main Street (remaster/bonus tracks)-The Rolling Stones, Broken Bells-Broken Bells, Volume 2-She and Him, How I Got Over-The Roots, Sibelius: Violin Concertos, Humoresques; Prokofiev: Violin Concerto No. 1-Vilde Freng, I Speak Because I Can-Laura Marling, I Am What I Am-Merle Haggard, Peace and Love-Juliana Hatfield, Flamingo-Brandon Flowers, Ten-Jason Moran, Good to Be-Backyard Tire Fire, and Rebel Within-Hank Williams III.

from The Hundley (Indie music expert and aficionado)

Worst Albums
Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
White kids with iPads unite!! What, no Jay-Z album to listen to? Giving street cred to suburban kids as they pass the time waiting for lacrosse practice. Fart. The album title should have been Pro-Tools and Propaganda. If you like this album you may also like: Notre Dame football, BMWs, private schooling, DJ'ing

The National - High Violet
What do you get when the lead singer can't sing? No, not Bob Dylan. You get this piece of shit band. Keep drinking the Kool-Aid, kiddies, and enjoy those sad bastard chord progressions. I've heard queefs with more emotion than these munches.

Mumford and Sons - Sigh No More
The Avett Brothers and Dr. Dog couldn't make it tonight because they were off getting gang-raped by a leprechaun. Mumford and Sons will trick you with a song that is just about ready to go somewhere, then it keeps along the same path - a pathway thru Boringsville.

Sufjan Stevens - The Age of Adz
Moody guy with a weird name gets kinda electronic. Problem is, you're still an elitist snob slinging this sour ear candy. Pretty sure an adz is an obselete tool used in barrel fabrication and ship building. How's 'bout you build yourself a ship and sail out to sea with a barrel full of explosives and not bother us anymore. Kthx.

Sleigh Bells - Treats
Eh, look, I'd be lying if I said the demos weren't decent. The end result is so over-produced and bloated. Desperation can be a stinky cologne. Wear some 80's sunglasses and hop around on stage with your cool haircuts. Sleigh Bells may ring, but I ain't listening.

Best Albums
Conrad Schnitzler - Air Sounds
Blink 182 - Take Off Your Pants and Jacket
Bob Seager - Greatest Hits
Dark Star - their first demo
Pete Bjorn - first demo
Limp Bizkit - Three Dollar Bill Y'all
Bernie Taupin - He Who Rides The Tiger
Led Zeppelin - Coda
Bee Gees - Bee Gee's 1st
Joe Jackson - Mike's Murder

from Jake

Put me in the underwhelmed camp as far as music in 2010 goes. I'm usually the token music snob of the bunch and make a top 20 or 30 list as opposed to only 10. However I could only do 10 this year. Plenty of "good, not great" albums.

10. The Black Keys - Brothers
I love the Keys and every album has been good, but when I thought about where Brothers ranks with the rest of their albums it came dead last. Don't get me wrong. It's still a good album. It's just a B+ on a report card full of A's is all. With a more soulful R&B sound, clearly the Black Keys are evolving and I'm looking forward to where they go next.

9. Devo - Something For Everybody
Seems like every up and coming band these days is trying to emulate some early 80s artist. It's nice to see that one of those actual groups can still come together and put the wannabes to shame. If you don't like Devo, then fuck you.

8. Spoon - Transference
SPOON! Better than Gimme Fiction but not as good as Kill the Moonlight or Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. That's all I have. I'm drunk right now.

7. Caribou - Swim
Not a lot of good electronic/dance/whatever albums this year (Hot Chip? Sad trombone). Caribou filled that large void quite nicely. Odessa alone is a killer track.

6. Vampire Weekend - Contra
Oh Vampire Weekend. Your tunes are so god damn catchy! Then they end up in commercials and I get burnt out on them. I have no idea where I'm going with this. I need another beer.

5. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Brutalist Bricks
I never listened to a single Ted Leo album until now. I have no idea what possessed me to check this one out originally but it became one of the most played on my iPod. Bottled In Cork and Waking Up in Chelsea are both outstanding songs. The album as a whole is a bit all over the place but that just makes it more interesting.

4. The Soft Pack - The Soft Pack
OK, we've reached the albums of 2010 I'd consider great. The Soft Pack was originally a hardcore band called the Muslims. They changed their named to the Soft Pack which is the name of a flaccid dildo. Also their songs are good.

3. LCD Soundsystem - This Is Happening
This one took a little longer for me to get into as opposed to their previous albums but it may be their best release. Too bad it's their last.

2. Tame Impala - Innerspeaker
Fuck. Yes. This is what I wanted more of in 2010. Not necessarily psychedelic throwback rock songs but just some new shit. Go listen to Lucidity and protect yourself from taint punching insanity.

1. Blitzen Trapper - Destroyer of the Void
Good old Blitzen Trapper. I really wasn't digging this album at first listen, or even the 2nd, 3rd or 4th listen. But just like their previous album Furr it just grows on you. The entire album is great.

Honorable Mention: The Love Language - Libraries, Delta Spirit - Histroy From Below, Dead Weather - Sea of Cowards, Galactic - Ya-Ka-May, Gogol Bordello - Trans-Continental Hustle, The White Stripes - Under Great White Northern Lights

Shit that is probably awesome but I haven't heard enough of yet: The Intelligence - Males, The Giving Tree Band - The Joke, The Threat, and The Obvious, Revolvers - Apocalypse Surfin', Holy Fuck - Latin, Owen Pallett - Heartland, Jonsi - Go, The Avett Brothers - Live Volume 3

Albums from 2009 that should have been on my Top 10: Heartless Bastards - The Mountain, Avett Brothers - I and Love and You. Both albums would probably be top 5 on a revised list of 2009.

Old Album I Discovered in 2010: The Gun Club - Fire of Love. Sex Beat WHAT?!

Album that I would punch in the face if it were a person: Sleigh Bells - Treats

Two Minutes of Hate: the 2011 Cubs, Higher Prices, Same Crappy Product

2011-01-13T10:09:00.000-06:00

Dear Mr. Ricketts,

Apparently the massive blocks of empty seats last year meant nothing. The fact that I could still go Cubs.com in August or September and still buy tickets for a game and actually get two or more seats together (unheard of just a few years back) was lost on you. The fact that this team was shit last year and the only additions you've made this offseason is one starting pitcher, a stopgap at 1B and Kerry Wood doesn't seem to deter you from shoving your fist further up the fan's ass.

You still managed to raise ticket prices.

Now, Cub fans have five wonderful pricing tiers for games. This newly added fifth tier, the "Marquee" games brings things to ricockulous levels of greed. $72 for a bleacher seat is ridiculous. Also this new tier gives you the bonus of making more games that normally would have been "Gold" prices become "Platinum".

Your team hasn't won a fucking championship in over a century. They haven't even seen a World Series in over half a century and yet you charge the most money on average in all of baseball for your shitty inferior product.

Clearly you're no better than the Tribune Co. Let me know how those unsold tickets work out come August. Maybe I'll catch a game for $1.49 when your miserable ballclub's ticket prices crash on Stubhub like they did last year.

If your goal was to alienate the fans that truly do love this team no matter what, you're doing a bang up job.

Kindly go fuck yourself.

Sincerely,

-Fed up Cubs fans

Cubs Trade Sam Fuld to Rays

2011-01-07T14:14:00.000-06:00

Well it appears all but done now. Matt Garza will be a Cub. The Cubs gave up a lot of prospects for this, including Chris Archer who was rated as the team's #1 prospect by Baseball America. Two other players in the deal were in the top ten.

Do I like Matt Garza? Yes. Do I like this trade? Not really. I think they gave up too much, which is not shocking for Jim Hendry. I will however try to look at some positives here if there are any.

We got rid of Sam Fuld. The man who gained so much popularity off one spectacular catch is gone. This should allow a more able-bodied outfielder to move up the ranks easier. Although I fully expect Fuld to show up down the road as our opponent and somehow burn us (e.g. Augie Ojeda with Arizona) in an important series. Shit, sorry. Staying positive here....

The top prospect in the trade, Chris Archer, was acquired from the Indians a while back in the Mark DeRosa deal. So we can actually tell the DeRosa fanatics that the Cubs did in fact get something of value for him.

Please get rid of Carlos Silva now. Please? At least move him to the bullpen. I keep hearing rumors of how getting Garza would let the Cubs shop around Tom Gorzelanny. Um, why? What are you going to honestly get for Gorzo anyway? Also losing him would basically ensure the Cubs would be rolling with a rotation full of righties. Yeah, that'll work out well. Dempster, Wells, Garza, Gorzo, Zambrano. There's your rotation. If this trade can spell the end of any more starts from Carlos Silva I'll feel better about it.

Yeah, I got nothing. Did I mention we got rid of Sam Fuld?

So welcome to the Cubs Mr. Garza. Enjoy pitching more games outdoors..... and during the day..... I guess.

(shrugs, walks away)

Hall of Fame Inductees Announced Today (aka I'm choking on my own rage here!)

2011-01-05T11:26:00.005-06:00

Every year the BBWAA announces the results of their election to the Baseball Hall of Fame and every year I get more worked up over it than I rightly should. The immense amount of bullshit arguments over why certain players should or should not get in I find incredibly dumbfounding. Here are some of my favorites:

I don't think he deserves first ballot entry.

Really? This is legitimately your poor excuse for rationalizing not voting for a player? This one blows my mind. It's not even that they don't think they're a HOFer or not. They just don't think they should get in immediately. What difference does that make? What discernible difference does that possibly make? When folks talk about Luis Aparicio or Billy Williams, or Don Drysdale does anyone say, "Well, they're all great hall of fame players but certainly not first ballot guys."

No. You know why? Because nobody gives a shit you conceited jackasses. Either you're in the HOF or you're not. Quit marginalizing a player's worthiness of when they should get in. If you think they belong then vote for them you morons!

It's not the Hall of 'Very Good'.

Ugh, shut up already. I hate this expression so much. It's most commonly uttered by smug pricks that feel the folks they voted for are supremely better than the others. I heard this numerous times when folks argued against Andre Dawson being voted in last year, which I find amusing since Carrie Muskat had this to say this year when talking about her recent ballot that only had Roberto Alomar on it.

Alomar is one of the most gifted second basemen I've ever seen. Why didn't I vote for others? To me, the Hall of Fame should be comprised of the elite ballplayers, who are clearly superior without argument. Someone recently wrote about the need for the "Hall of Very Good Players," and I would put Blyleven, Morris, Larkin, Martinez, Raines and Trammell in there.

For someone that voted for Dawson every year, which in my mind was worthy although many others didn't see it that way, it seems rather hypocritical of Carrie to be this high and mighty about her ballot this year. Also to wax poetic about Alomar being a gifted second basemen and refusing to acknowledge the same for Larkin and to a lesser extent Trammell at shortstop I find pretty ridiculous.

I'm not voting for guys implicated in the Steroid Era.

Fine. That's your choice. I'm not against that decision. However maybe you should go back and reconsider all of those guys from the 1980s you consistently snub because their stats don't hold up to more recent players. So you're against voting for the steroid guys but still use their stats as a benchmark against the previous era? These people need to give up their ballots outright if this is their stance.

If you're so against the Steroid Era then what better message to send by not only refusing to vote for those guys but for voting the elite players of the decade before the stats became so inflated? Jim Rice shouldn't have needed 15 tries to get elected dammit. Tim Raines, Dale Murphy, Alan Trammell and Don Mattingly all deserve a closer inspection. You refuse to vote for Clemens when he becomes eligible? No problem. How about putting your support behind Jack Morris instead, who's dominance seems to have been lost on a whole bunch of folks frightened by his career ERA.

But his __________ was only _____________.

Look I love stats, and in baseball they prove a vital tool when comparing players and such. But sometimes these mythical benchmarks that have been set take way too much precedence. 300 wins, 3,000 hits, 500 home runs, etc. All incredible milestones to reach. But 287 wins, 2,605 hits, and 498 home runs are all pretty damn impressive as well.

And don't get me started on losses. Losses seem to be one of the main arguing points for folks against Bert Blyleven getting into the hall. 250 losses to his 287 wins is just too many according to some writers. Never mind Bert played the bulk of his career on some horrendously shitty teams that offered him little to no run support. For god's sake he went 13-16 in 1976 despite having a 2.87 ERA! Can he help that he received no run support? Going back to that MLB article that Muskat made her ballot choice case, Marty Noble, MLB.com beat writer for the Mets had this to say about Blyleven.

A year later, I have voted for Alomar, the best defensive second baseman I've ever seen. I promised to vote for him, and I have, though uncomfortably. I still can't get past Blyleven's 250 losses. That's too many for a 287-game winner, no matter the number of shutouts and strikeouts. Blyleven lost 17 games in his lone 20-win season and lost 10 or more 16 times. In my mind, he produced two, perhaps three Hall of Fame seasons. Not enough.

Does it matter to you that of those 17 losses, seven of them were complete games? You see, back in 1973 set up men and closers weren't relied on as much as they are now. Starting pitchers went out to the mound with the full expectation of pitching nine innings. Of those seven complete game losses that year, none of them did Blyleven allow more than four runs and in six of them he allowed only 3 or fewer runs.

Of course had Bert won just 13 more games in his career he'd probably be a shoo-in. Also check Noble's first sentence. Yep, feel free to go back and review that first argument I mentioned...

In the end after all the arguing for and against we'll probably learn in less than an hour that more than likely Blyleven and Alomar got in. The rest will just have to wait until next year when another bevy of bullshit excuses from the self-important collective of ignorant baseball writers will prevent them from gaining entry once more.

War Criminal: Mediacom Cable

2011-01-02T00:06:00.000-06:00

Bitching about your cable company really isn't a stretch. No one really likes their cable company. You might as well complain about a cold sore on your mouth. At least you'll get more sympathy with the cold sore, or at least some mockery from your friends, Herpes Face!

Anyway, as I just sat down to watch some television I flip through my guide to find lo and behold, I have the newly debuted Oprah Winfrey Network! That's right, my cable provider has graciously given me a channel completely about Oprah fucking Winfrey as soon as it premiered.

So what, right? Well, this is the same cable company that STILL doesn't carry NFL Network or MLB Network, and refused to carry Big Ten Network until the mass exodus of hundreds of customers in Iowa forced them to pick it up. But god dammit I can watch the behind the scenes magic of Oprah's final season!

Happy New Year motherfuckers!

A Mighty Wind

2010-12-08T08:18:00.003-06:00

What's that breeze you just felt stirring? The winds of change? Jim Hendry on Bean Burrito Night? Nope. More likely, you just felt the precursor of the mighty gales that will be generated by Carlos Pena as he whiffs his way through the 2011 season at the Friendly Confines. Pena signed a one year deal with the Cubs rumored to be worth ten million wingwangs. While Pena did hit 28 homeruns last year, he struck out 158 times, just 38 Ks shy of his batting average of .196. Christ Almighty, even Koyie Hill managed to break the .200 mark last year. Pena is a solid fielder and at least Hendry didn't give him a four year contract with a no trade clause.

Cubs Hire Mark Riggins as Pitching Coach

2010-12-07T09:32:00.004-06:00

Mike Quade and the Cubs have chosen Mark Riggins as the successor to Larry Rothschild. If you're now saying to yourself "Who the fuck is Mark Riggins?", you're not alone. Riggins was the Cubs' minor league pitching coordinator and previously served as the Cardinals' pitching coach in 1995 before becoming their minor league pitching coordinator for the next twelve years. Let's hope he learned something from Dave Duncan while he was there. Does this mean no more towel drills?

Santo Was More Than a Cub

2010-12-03T10:21:00.001-06:00

As the news of Ron Santo's passing spreads today I'm sure the Cubs blogosphere will be swirling with eulogies about Ronnie and his lifelong passion for the Chicago Cubs.

About the all star third baseman who played the position better than anyone in his era save for a guy named Brooks over in Baltimore. About the man who longed to be inducted into the Hall of Fame but sadly came to the realization in the last few years that he'd not likely live to see the day happen. About the radio broadcaster that grunted and guffawed on air much like one of your uncles might while watching the game in their easy chair.

For me though Santo's most lasting impression was his long time battle with diabetes.

Like Ron, I have Type 1 diabetes, also commonly called Juvenile Diabetes. Type 1 accounts for less than 10% of all diabetic cases out there, with all the others being the much more prevalent Type 2. With Type 1, the pancreas stops creating insulin for your body altogether and thus you are dependent on insulin injections for the rest of your life. I consider myself lucky that my onset of the disease didn't occur until I was 21 years old and almost finished with college. I was able to have a full childhood, free of diabetes and the difficulties that can come with it while growing up.

When I was first diagnosed I had no idea how my life would be from then on. The immediate assumptions I made were that I would be restricted from many things that others take for granted. I soon learned that was not the case at all. I could essentially keep doing everything I did normally, except now I had to give myself shots on occasion and prick my finger a few times a day.

But Ron Santo was one of the first people I saw that helped me realize I could still do anything I wanted. Having been diagnosed with the disease shortly before joining the Cubs, Ron had to manage it in a time without modern devices that give you nearly instant blood sugar readings or the luxury of synthetic human insulin, and all the while playing professional baseball. He basically had some syringes and pig insulin and had to figure out most of it on his own. His ability to persevere through this is astounding to me. Most importantly it's a true testament to anyone suffering from Type 1 diabetes that the disease is in no way a barrier preventing you from accomplishing anything in your life. As corny as this may sound, in the early years of my diabetes, whenever someone would tell me I couldn't do something because I was diabetic (more often than not these people were grossly misinformed), I would imagine Ronnie's voice in my head saying to me "You can do anything you want." That was all the boost I needed when facing discouragement or adversity due to my condition.

It'll be 10 years next spring since I was first diagnosed. Ron Santo proved to me that diabetes is not a death sentence and certainly not a restriction from enjoying your life. And I'll continue to remember him when I'm still enjoying life 50 years from now.

Thank you Ron and God bless.

In honor of Ronnie, I wholeheartedly encourage anyone to give a donation to JDRF.

Ah, JEEZ! RIP Ron Santo

2010-12-03T07:23:00.007-06:00

I'm sure someone else here will go a little more in depth on this later (okay, I'm not so sure), but (shoulda-been-a)Hall of Fame Cubs third baseman and broadcaster Ron Santo has passed away:

I'm not going to lie - the last few years of Santo's broadcasting career made me hope he'd retire, but I'm pretty sad he's gone. Listening to him call a game was like watching it with one of your uncles - sure he'd lose track of who was up or what happened, but he definitely loved the Cubs and the sport of baseball - apparently in that order. And that has to count for something.

EDIT: You know, this upsets me more than I think I realized. Ron Santo is dead and Hawk Harrelson still walks the earth? No justice.

Source.

A Two Minutes of Hate Newsflash

2010-12-01T11:35:00.004-06:00

Really?

Former Cubs infielder Ryan Theriot has been traded from the Los Angeles Dodgers to the St. Louis Cardinals, the Cubs' most hated rivals. As if that wasn't enough, Theriot, who was a fan favorite when he was here in Chicago, commented that he was "finally on the right side of the Cubs-Cardinals rivalry." (CSNChicago.com)

Go guzzle a hose that sprays syphilis-infected dicks, you banjo-hitting, overrated sack of shit. Don't think being on the Cardinals will get you out of some time in the FIREBARN. I never thought you were that good, and now I don't even have to pretend to give a shit whether you live or die. I hope St. Louis has a great time watching you throw two-hoppers to Pujols and pissing away scoring opportunities by failing to steal bases, you baseball-illiterate dolt.

Source.

The Riot Traded to St. Louis

2010-11-30T16:16:00.001-06:00

It's being reported that the Dodgers have traded Ryan Theriot to the St. Louis Cardinals. This coming off the Dodgers recent signing of infielder Juan Uribe.

The Cardinals are thrilled about this deal as Theriot gives them more depth in the infield and meets all three criteria the Cardinals look for with their position players:

They're overrated
They're always referred to as "scrappy"
They're Caucasian

Move over David Eckstein. You got some company in the Cardinals Hall of Overrated Mediocrity.

This also just in. Wolter's Firebarn Threat Level has been raised from taupe to burnt umber. Remain vigilant* people!

*and by vigilant I mean woefully apathetic.

From the TMS Vault:: Realm of Red The Drinking Game

2010-11-30T12:44:00.001-06:00

"From the TMS Vault" digs deep into the archives of our former blog Thunder Matt's Saloon, and looks at old posts long since forgotten. Some of them you may recall fondly. Some of them you may have intentionally blocked from memory. Some of them may be completely new to you.

Will you enjoy this? Yes, you should. Is this a feeble attempt to simply post new content by recycling old stuff? You bet your ass it is!

Today we dig out this gem from four years ago written by the legendary Chaim Witz, whose Realm of Red features were some of the true masterpieces from TMS' early days.

Realm of Red The Drinking Game
originally posted on 11/30/06 by Chaim Witz (link)

It's a thinly veiled fact here that we here at the Saloon like to drink (thus the Saloon moniker). We are also constantly inspired and awed by redheads, none moreso than the maiden member of Realm of Red, David Caruso.

So when we stumbled across this little 7 minute slice of heaven on You Tube, which painfully strings together a montage of Caruso one-liners from that juggernaut CSI: Miami, we thought it too good to be true. (On a side note, who watches that show? It's an enigma the likes not seen since JAG.)

Watching this clip is sort of like listening to 'Stranglehold' by the Nuge. It's long to the point of almost being unbearable, but at the same time, there is something perversely entertaining about it and you can't shut it off. In fact, the unwritten rule is that once you start listening to 'Stranglehold' you have to finish, no excuses, even if you are just flipping around on the radio. I once sat in my car in the parking lot of Best Buy for a good 5 minutes and 36 seconds with the car idling, because I had to obey this rule. I'm pretty sure I would have been arrested had I gotten out of the car. Anyway, it's the same way with this Caruso clip. You have to watch it, no matter how painful.

But to ease your pain, I give you this wholly unoriginal concept. Drink while you watch. More specially, drink every time Caruso puts his shades back on. You may think it's childsplay, but be warned. You will be drunk and it will not be pretty. If you are in a relationship, and you decide to throw caution to the wind and play while your significant other is in the other room...well seven minutes later, you will wonder what happened to your life and why your wife has left you. So grab at least 4 or 5 beers and a catheter and get ready for David Caruso to wreck your life.

Your life ends HERE.

Everybody Relax . . .

2010-11-23T08:49:00.003-06:00

The 2011 season is saved. Bobby Scales has signed a minor league deal with the Cubs. I can sure breathe easier now. Is Bobby Scales a possible candidate for the Cubs' open 1B job? With Jim Hendry at the helm of this sinking ship, anything can happen!

I STILL hate this team.

Rickety Scheme

2010-11-12T11:30:00.000-06:00

Apparently, the Ricketts family isn't as rich as we thought they were. The family has asked the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority for $300 million in bonds to renovate Wrigley Field. These bonds would be paid for with the amusement tax, which fans already pay for the privilege of watching the Cubs suck it up every year. I have to say, this move requires some pretty big brass (gold?) cajones.

Illinois is in a deep financial hole and these wealthy cocksuckers have the temerity to request the state fork over more money to help them renovate Wrigley, which really should be torn down at this point anyway. The Ricketts have already made the decision to outsource the Cubs' media ventures, such as the Vineline magazine, to some company in Ohio. Now after sending jobs out of state, they're requesting money from that same state? I hope to God that the Illinois General Assembly, who must approve the plan, tells them to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.

I guess what I find really annoying is that these people had to have been aware of Wrigley's condition when they purchased the team. "One ancient MLB stadium with mediocre ballclub-sold as is". The Ricketts family wanted to roll with the big boys. If they didn't have the capital to fix the ballpark, they shouldn't have bought the team in the first place. When searching for owners for their franchises, Selig and MLB claim that they want responsible owners who won't diminish the brand. Yet Jeff Loria is allowed to own a franchise. What the Ricketts want from the state of Illinois smacks of Lorian arrogance and greed, but Mark Cuban was unworthy of owning the Cubs?

I can only hope that the Ricketts don't plan to follow Loria's model in holding the state hostage by threatening to move the Cubs if Illinois doesn't agree to give them the money. I guess we're pretty much assured though that the product on the field still doesn't matter so long as the money keeps rolling in.

EOC Guide to Getting Out of A Music Rut

2010-11-12T03:05:00.045-06:00

Have you've been listening to the same bullshit bands since graduating high school? Is the only time you ever find out about a new band when your favorite sitcom is preempted by a prime time awards show? Do friends mercifully send you burnt CDs of something they hope you'll finally replace your worn out Dynamite Hack CD with? Dude, you're balls deep in a music rut. Never fear, EOC's step-by-step Guide to Getting Out of A Music Rut is here...

Step 1) Kill your idols

This step requires the least bit of effort, but it might be the hardest. Simply put: if you think you're in a rut, stop listening to the same shit you've been listening to since the day you got your first bj in your Junior year of high school. Get out of your comfort zone. Face up to the fact that knowing the lyrics to every song on STP's Purple isn't going to get you laid ever again and ditch that shit. Let go of the past and find music that speaks to the person you are today, even if you're holding onto a bygone era because it was the last time anyone really liked you.

Step 2) Explore:

Don't assume that all new music is terrible. That's just stupid. And don't ask your friends what music you should be listening to. Chances are they have even shittier taste in music than you do. Instead, do some research. Try out Pandora, Last FM or any of the dozens of other sites that introduce you to new music. Those sites can get old really quick, so keep a constant lookout for new avenues of exposure. Read some music blogs. Learn how to steal music off the internet. And stop sucking on the teat of 1996.

Also, unless you get an erection at the thought of the MTV Video Music Awards, you're going to have to travel off the beaten path to discover new music. This probably goes without saying, but the sad fact is that MTV hasn't been a place to discover new music since 120 Minutes went off the air a long fucking time ago. And the radio usually isn't any better (unless you live in NYC, L.A. or a really hip college town). Look around. You're bound to like something that's out there on the internet...somewhere.

I know, I know...the thought of not being force-fed new music terrifies you and your knee-jerk response is to label anything that your sheltered existence hasn't been exposed to as "obscure" so you can go on ignoring how out of touch you are and eventually fall asleep without tears. Sadly, the fact remains that you can't stop sucking if you don't put in the effort. Accept this and move on.

Step 3) You might be looking in the wrong decade

Just because you can't relate to today's music doesn't mean you're doing the right thing by playing Superunkown for the 3000th time. Look up bands that you may have overlooked from that same time period. Or go a decade earlier and see what other bands were doing. And for fuck's sake, take every "Best Albums of the ____" list with a grain of salt. Believing the hype is what got you into this rut in the first place. Remember: If you aren't familiar with the music, it's new to you. And, judging by your taste in music, that's probably a good thing.

Step 4) Get back to your roots

If you like a certain album or style of music, see what influenced this evolution. Musical styles don't just pop up out of the thin air; something had to have influenced it. Find out what it is and check it out, you lazy piece of shit. Chances are that multiple & diverse influences shaped a particular album, group or movement. Stop being a pussy and see where this takes you.

Step 5) Develop a Critical Ear (aka Stop trying to pick out singles)

Jesus Christ, are you 10? Just because you can't immediately hum along to a song doesn't mean that an entire album is worthless. Listen to the entire album. What's the general tone of the songs? Are there recurring themes? Is there some sort of progression? Do you understand what was happening in the world at the time the album was released? Or is the entire album just a mishmash of songs that seem to be thrown together in no particular order? If so, how is that working? Great albums are sometimes like great books; with a unified story, characters, themes and (sometimes) a plot. But, just as often, these things are absent in great albums. For fuck's sake, don't think for a second that "great album" and "concept album" are interchangeable. This misconception alone is responsible for the plethora of Pink Floyd fans ruining America for the past 35 years. And, for god's sake, don't confuse recognizable music with good music just because someone else knows the lyrics to some stupid pop songs. Remember: Other people are idiots. They are the enemies of good taste. Lastly, keep in mind that greatest hits albums are for housewives & little girls.

Step 6) Let go of your concept of genres/learn to accept change

When I was a punkass teenager, I read an article in Guitar World or Alternative Guitar or something of the ilk that scared the piss out of me. The article was about the death of rock music. They interviewed a bunch of "post-rock" bands. These bands, all of which I had never heard of at the time, firmly believed rock was dead. Almost immediately, I dismissed these bands as being completely insane. After all, we had a new Metallica album! And The Offspring were still going strong! And there was new music by U2 & Collective Soul…

..shit…

After a time, that article haunted my waking moments. I kept a lookout for this subversive post-rock-thing that would try to destroy my precious rock music. I held on so tightly to the genre I thought I loved that I ignored the fact that "post-rock" slowly became "indie rock." And while I still think indie-rock is a ridiculous term for a subgenre, I don't doubt its existence, and I certainly don't begrudge the much-needed changes to music industry that it helped instigate. Also, not all of it sucks.

Similarly, I used to listen to a few bands that crossed that grey line into "industrial" territory. I tried like hell not to like them. Not because they were bad, but because I knew once I took that step, I'd be just a tiny bit away from falling into the electronica trap. And, once there, I knew my balls would retract into giant sagging labia and guys named Isaac would try to stuff their meaty fingers into my sagging ballsac/pussy while the merciless bass droned on and on and on. But, thankfully, that only happened once. (Tip: Don't wear a shimmering silver skirt to a rave!) I can now confess to my shrink (whose fingers are like cheddarwursts that have been in the microwave for 30 seconds too long) that I like some industrial/electronica music. The point is, get over the whole "genre" thing. It's silly.

Step 7) Take Another Look at One Hit Wonders

You can be sure as shit that 99% of these bands didn't think they only had one good song when they released their albums. Just ignore the charts entirely; they don't mean shit. After all, the most popular Beatles song of all time ("A Day in the Life") was a b-side to a song that never went higher that #63 in the charts. Also, a band like Chumbawamba gets dismissed outright because "Tubthumping" was a huge success (and overused in shit like the Home Alone 3 trailer), ignoring entirely their anarcho-punk/folk roots. Dig deeper! Keep Improving!

Step 8) When exploring a new band, try out their first couple albums

This might seem ridiculously pretentious on my part, but the truth is that if you like a band, the general rule of thumb is that they probably mastered their sound during their first two albums. (As a bonus, even if the band's first two albums are complete shit, people will be afraid to call you on it if you claim that this is their best stuff! You simply can't lose.)

Step 9) Once you find something you like, explore it more.

Hooray! You found a new band! What decade are they from? Where did they perform? Did they collaborate with other people in the same area/the same era? Did they spinoff into other groups? Who influenced them? Who was influenced by them? Look into this shit. It's important. There ~~will be~~ should be a quiz later.

Step 10) Become a name dropper

It's a scientific fact that if you drop the name of an obscure post-punk band into polite conversation, 89% of the people will think you're a pretentious dick. However, when the opportunity arises to discuss a band you actually give a shit about with one or two people, you should absolutely seize the moment. Fuck the naysayers who can't get over their memories of eating Papa John's in their dorm room while Incubus blared over their never-ending GoldenEye campaigns on the N64. These people might as well be dead nowadays. But you...you're now prepared to talk about music with people who almost know what the fuck they're talking about! And that's all that really matters.

Letters from Exile: Back from Hiatus

2010-11-09T13:24:00.001-06:00

After a much-needed break from this place I'm ready to get back on that blogging horse again. I'm ready to boot EoC back up to the mediocre blog it once was. But more importantly I'm ready to bring back the esoteric style of Thunder Matt's Saloon. In the past month or so I've gone back through the old archives at TMS, reading posts from 2007 and 2008. I couldn't help but laugh like a bastard at some of the old classics we wrote. Forever it seems I've tried to drive TMS and now EOC away from the oddball crap and towards the true content we claimed to cover, which I've been told is the Chicago Cubs.

But I've realized something. I'm a moron.

I love the Cubs, and I enjoy writing a blog about the Cubs. But what I really enjoyed was that our crew has always had free reign to write about virtually anything else on their mind. And for the most part, the small contingency of loyal readers we had seemed to enjoy that as well.

There's no which way around it. We are a terrible Cubs blog. But we were once a truly great terrible Cubs blog. And with a little effort and renewed fire, we can achieve that greatness again.

Now who's with me?

Exile on Clark Street Part II: Back to Esoterica

And That's A Wrap For Chicago Baseball

2010-09-22T08:30:00.000-05:00

Whoa, there are cobwebs everywhere in here.

So, last night the Twins won, the White Sox lost, and the entire city of Chicago pretty much has let forth a collective "meh." Thankfully, the Bears are starting off solid. And preseason Hockey begins today, so Goreo has something to write about, assuming he's still alive.

I'd like to give some cogent analysis of the whole season, but let's face it: I haven't willingly watched an entire White Sox game since...well since before my last post on here. And, as far as the Cubs are concerned, this season is already being blocked out of my memory. Apparently Charles Darwin made the team and some guy named Kelvin was speared by a bat. Or something. I dunno. Also, the Cubs are apparently being managed by a svelte Michael Chiklis.

It's been a long, strange season. Probably longer and stranger if I had paid attention.

Take Me With You, Lou

2010-08-23T09:02:00.003-05:00

Lou Piniella managed his last game for the Chicago Cubs yesterday, electing to retire early so that he can be at home with his ailing mother. In true Cubs fashion, the Northsiders got absolutely murdered by the Atlanta Braves 16-5. Lou's Cub career got off to a promising start, as he turned a struggling team around to win the division in 2007 and made the Cubs into the best NL team in 2008. Unfortunately, neither of those teams was able to do jackshit in the playoffs, getting swept two years in a row. Despite having Milton Bradley, Aaron Miles, Aaron Heilman and an injured Aramis Ramirez last year, Lou still managed to finish the season with a winning record.

2010 proved to be the season from hell as this club has found more ways to lose than Bob and June Wheeler. While Lou has seemed distracted and disinterested at times this year, who can really blame him? More importantly, Lou is going where he belongs, which is with his sick mother. The Cubs are fucked this year anyway, regardless of whether Lou or Mike Quade is pulling the strings, so it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I am a little confused as to why the Cubs have already decided Alan Trammel isn't a candidate to manage in 2011, but what the hell do I know.

Lou joins the ranks of managers who have failed to bring the Cubs a World Series, but at least the Cubs were mostly good during his tenure in Chicago. And we'll always have this. Good luck, Lou. At least you don't have to watch this collection of stiffs for the rest of the season.

I still hate this team.

Derrek Lee to Atlanta

2010-08-19T11:15:00.004-05:00

This 2010 Cubs season has been beyond disappointing for a myriad of reasons, but mainly because of how truly awful this team has been. Among the disappointments has been the final Cubs season of Derrek Lee. Lee has struggled mightily this year, but has rebounded a little since the All Star Break. DLee has been one of my favorite Cubs ever since Hendry acquired him from Florida for Hee-Seop Choi prior to the 2004 season. The Lee trade is still one of Hendry's best deals as GM of this sinking franchise.

Derrek's Cub tenure has been full of ups and downs. He was solid in 2004, hitting .278 with 32 home runs, but truly shined in 2005 when he led the NL in nine offensive categories and should have won the MVP (Sorry, Albert, I know you had a good year and the Cards went to the playoffs, but Derrek Lee was fucking unreal that year. On a contending team or no, Lee got jobbed in 2005). Derrek hit .335 and won the NL batting title.

2006 would prove to be tough for the big man, as Rafael Furcal collided with Lee following an awkward throw to first base by mouthbreather Scott Eyre. Lee wound up with a broken wrist and ended up missing most of the season. Things didn't get better after he returned from the DL and he ended up with inflammation in the wrist and had to go back on the DL. Worst of all, Derrek's daughter Jada was diagnosed with Leber's congenital amaurosis, an eye disorder. The Lees later learned that she doesn't in fact have the disorder, but I remember how devastated Derrek was when he appeared on TV back in 2006.

DLee didn't seem to fully recover from the wrist injury until 2008, when he hit .306, slugging 35 homers and driving in 111 runs. Unfortunately, his skills seem to have been in decline ever since and he never was able to push the Cubs past the first round of the playoffs. At least he has his 2003 Marlins WS ring.

Derrek's Cub career came to a bitter end yesterday as he was traded to the Atlanta Braves for three stiffs in a payroll dump. I can't blame him for leaving. This team is fucking terrible, possibly the most exciting event of the season occurring when Derrek and Carlos Zambrano argued in the dugout. I know Derrek's skills are in decline and that he was unlikely to return next year, but I still hate to see him leave.

DLee was a class act and in a sport dealing with little bitches like Hanley Ramirez, Brandon Phillips, Francisco Rodriguez, Zambrano, and others this year, his presence will be missed in Chicago. For a while, the Cubs were his team. It's going to feel very strange to see Derrek in a Braves uniform in the other dugout at Wrigley Field this weekend. I know he was only a Cub for six years, but it seriously felt longer than that. Not long enough, though.

(I still hate this team.)

Fontenot No More

2010-08-12T12:59:00.006-05:00

The Cajun Hobbit is gone. In what is hardly breaking news at this point, the Cubs have dealt Mike Fontenot to the San Francisco Giants for Evan Crawford, who is rumored to be of normal height. Luckily for Mike and his stubby little legs, the Cubs were in San Fran at the time of the trade so he didn't need to walk very far to join his new team. We all know how hobbits hate to walk. This officially spells the end of the Chicago Cubs Cajun Era.

Thank God.

Crawford is a center fielder (like the Cubs needed any more fucking outfielders) and is supposedly the Giants' fastest prospect. There may be more trades to come as the 2010 Toure de Sucke sputters into the final stretch.

I still hate this team.

Greg Maddux traded to Dodgers for Cesar Izturis

2010-07-31T13:53:00.000-05:00

Except change Maddux with "Lilly and Theriot" and Izturis with "Blake DeWitt".

Either way it's as dumb as the Maddux trade from a few years ago. Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly happy to see the Theriot Era come to a merciful end. But on the last day of the deadline Hendry couldn' have pulled better from a team than Blake frickin' DeWitt and a couple minor leaguers?

Hopefully today's moves will be the final act of an inept negotiator.

I still hate this team.

Lou's Had Enough of this Shit

2010-07-21T09:11:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you've heard by now and it really isn't a big shock that Lou Piniella has decided to hang it up at the end of this season. No matter how crappy this team finishes out the season I think as Cub fans we all owe Lou a big thanks for his work over the past 4 seasons. After all this is the manager that:

Took the Cubs to back to back postseasons since 1908.
Had three consecutive winning seasons with the Cubs. The most since Leo Durocher back in the late-60s/early-70s.
Won 97 games in 2008, the most since Charlie Grimm won 98 managing the 1945 Cubs.

So best wishes to you Lou. It's too bad your last season here has turned into a turd sandwich.

Now let the rampant new manager speculation begin! Right now I'm placing 3-2 odds on Sandberg. That however is not an endorsement for Ryno as manager.

National League Wins ASG For the First Time Since Bill Clinton's First Term in Office

2010-07-13T22:57:00.001-05:00

Also Marlon Byrd is awesome.

That is all.