Like this:

It’s a Very Hairy Caterpillar made out of pantyhose. It’s so ugly it’s cute. And it’s now living on my kitchen counter for who knows how long.

Or there’s this image:

It’s my 16-year-old kitty cat hanging out with Sydney’s American Girl dolls in our living room. I came downstairs yesterday to find him like that and I thought it was cute.

Of course, my husband thought it would be even more normal to put the cat in the car.

So he did.

I’ll have you know that my cat is blind due to high blood pressure, so get out of his way if you see him on the roads.

And, no, his name is not Toonces.

What’s normal at your house?

And I wore braces for two and half years, from 7th grade through 9th grade. Check out these pictures of me at my 8th grade graduation, on my middle school basketball team, and just hanging out while I sported a mouth full of brackets and wires.

Gee, wasn’t I lucky to wear braces during the most transformative and awkward years of my life? That’s why I am excited today to share this sponsored post on behalf of Invisalign.

You’ve probably seen Invisalign and didn’t even realize it. Invisalign is today’s alternative to braces. It uses a series of virtually invisible and removable aligners made of lightweight plastic that gradually move teeth over time. Invisalign is available for adults; Invisalign Teen is available for teens and pre-teens that have their adult teeth.

 Here are some quick facts:

• The Invisalign system works just as effectively as traditional metal braces
• It straightens teeth without most people noticing
• The aligners can be removed so kids can eat, brush and floss (Hello! No avoiding corn on the cob for years!)
• The cost is roughly the same as metal braces
• While the cost may be the same, the system usually requires fewer office visits, shorter appointments, and no “emergency” visits for broken wires, brackets, or to pick up more of those annoying mini rubber bands.

I’m awaiting word on whether or not my own kids, ages 9 and 6, will one day need their teeth straightened. If yes, I will certainly explore whether Invisalign may be right for them. After all, no one should have to be called “Brace Face” by a pre-teen sporting a mullet, high tops, and a Motley Crue t-shirt with the sleeves cut off!

Did you or your kids wear braces? How do you think wearing Invisalign would compare to traditional braces?

For more information about Invisalign or Invisalign Teen, please visit their website, Facebook page, or interact with them on Twitter. To find an orthodontist who provides Invisalign near you, visit the Invisalign Doctor Locator page.

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post. However, all thoughts and opinions are mine.

Color.

(You can read the sordid details here.)

But it’s May now and my 6-year-old daughter and I have found our groove when it comes to kindergarten homework. I think it’s crazy for a kindergartner to have so much homework (6+ worksheets/week), but I’m not blaming the teacher necessarily. It’s just the world we live in and the high expectations now placed on our littlest learners.

That said, last week I realized that my daughter — my lovely, say-what-she-feels daughter — had been broken by kindergarten.

One worksheet was returned to us for correction.

Sigh.

The instructions were:

And the words had been:

Sydney had written the words in each sentence correctly (i.e., “The dog is yellow.”) and she colored the pictures. She’s not big on coloring coloring when it pertains to homework, but has been coloring these worksheets with pencil since the Fall when we were put on the non-coloring watch list.

So why was the paper returned?

Because she hadn’t colored the picture in the same color of the word (i.e., the teacher wanted the dog colored yellow to match the sentence “The dog is yellow.”)

But the directions don’t say that. They just say color the picture. Like I said, she’s been coloring these worksheets with her pencil since Fall 2012 when we forced into mandatory coloring. Plus, what color matches the word “for“?   And are you telling me that some poor classmate probably colored the dog brown and got the worksheet returned for non-compliance? Hmph.

“We’re not doing that,” I told Sydney. “That’s silly. And, she’ll never care that we don’t send it back.” (They do not get letter grades in Kindergarten.)

“Mommy, nooooooo. We have to. Mrs. Teacher is going to get mad.”

“No, she’s not. Let’s not do this. You colored it. You’re fine.”

“Mommy, nooooo. I’ll do it. I’ll do it!”

And that’s when I realized she had been broken. Almost military-style. She didn’t care that technically we were right. She didn’t care that I was telling her not to do it. She was feeling the pressure to listen to her teacher and do what her teacher said.

So she colored. In matching color.

And then she turned it back in.

And, I think, she lost a little bit of that spark, that individuality, that is soooo her.

And that I will mourn.

You won this battle, kindergarten. But I will win the war for my daughter. Or go down trying.

Note: Last Fall when I published my post Rage Against the Kindergarten Machine, I got my first hate mail. If you are so inclined to pass judgment on me and my horrible parenting skills, remember two things. One, I have control over the publish/delete button for all comments. Two, there’s a reason this site is called Experienced **BAD** Mom. I’m not claiming to be perfect, people.

I don’t know why, because when I go to church, I find it really entertaining. Of course, it helps that I have a 6 year old with me who will say or do anything in church.

Last week my family sat in the very last row of our Presbyterian church. My 9-year-old son was ensconced in Diary of A Wimpy Kid book (hey, he’s reading, right?) while my daughter alternated between her sticker book and coloring book.

For 15 minutes.

Which left 45 minutes to hang out with her.

A couple in front of us couldn’t keep their hands off each other. The woman kept running her fingers through her boyfriend’s hair.

Sydney watched. And watched.

Finally, she spoke up.

“Why is that girl doing THAT?” she asked.

“Uh, I don’t know. Shh!”

“Maybe they’re boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“Uh, I think so. Shh!”

“That is WEIRD!”

“Shh!”

Later, communion was served. There were two highlights.

First, my kids starting panting at the thought that the bread was some sort of snack to tide them over til lunch. Hellooooo, Body of Christ, kids!

Second, Sydney got impatient while the wine was passed out.

“What’s taking so long?”

“They’re passing it around so everyone can get a glass,” I replied.

“It’s not glass, Mom. It’s plastic,” she told me holding up her plastic cup of juice. I think she even said, “Pffft.”

So the next time you’re thinking about how boring church can be, remember to sit by my kids. They’ll liven it right up for ya. Hallelujah!

Do you go to church? How do your kids behave there?

Image courtesy of Bill Longshaw / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I never know when inspiration will strike. That’s why I have about 10 sticky notes in my purse at any time, covered with brilliant (!) ideas or things my kids have said.

Or just covered with the grocery list. Whatevs.

One such note I pulled out the other day seemed appropriate to share as Mother’s Day approaches. It’s an incomplete, haphazard list of some things I’m thankful for that were changed, made better, started, and/or developed by mothers who came before me.

And to all of those moms I express my thanks!

***

Thank you for the lactation room at work.

Thank you for paid leave after the birth of my children.

Thank you for Baby & Me groups.

Thank you for telling me to go to the Baby & Me groups.

Thank you for the microwaveable bottle cleaner.

Thank you for before- and after-school care.

Thank you for flex-time.

Thank you for telling me to throw the underwear away after my child pooped in it.

Thank you for all the advice you’ve given me and not judging me when I don’t follow it.

Thank you for juice boxes.

***

What’s something you are thankful for that was started or changed by the moms who have come before you?

Happy Mother’s Day!

Image courtesy of digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net