Comments for expressyourselftosuccess.com

Comment on The Ten Biggest Mistakes of Business Networking – Part 1 of 2 by The Ten Biggest Mistakes of Business Networking – Part 2 of 2 | expressyourselftosuccess.com

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 08:06:53 +0000

[...] In a previous article, which was part one of two, we looked at five of the biggest mistakes made in … [...]

Comment on How to Effectively Demotivate Staff by Sam Fisher

Sam Fisher — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:38:13 +0000

It doesnt look like you understand Demotivation at all!!

Laurie: What would you suggest? How would you demotivate staff?

Comment on Even Professional Public Speakers Make Mistakes – Here Are The Top 10 by Jacob

Jacob — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:05:38 +0000

It does help, Thank you very much, and waiting for more guidance from you

Comment on Sharpening Your Negotiating Skills: Seven Keys to Become a Powerful Negotiator by Darren Good

Darren Good — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 11:30:52 +0000

You could be the most effective Negotiator in the world but if you can’t handle your emotional state everything is going to disappear quickly. So all of your skills won’t be available to you. There are many ways to practice emotional state control, one is the traditional method of exposure therapy and a second is borrowed from NLP – one is traditional and the other is a more pioneering method.

Laurie: Hi Darren,
Thank you for leaving your comment and for your suggestion to practice emotional state control. A negative emotional state can sabotage your skills and the negotiation.

I checked out your website and you offer some very interesting programs.

Anyone looking for some conflict resolution training should check out Darren’s company, Good Sense at http://www.itmakesgoodsense.com.

Comment on Telling Someone Something That’s Uncomfortable to Say by Regina

Regina — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 12:53:19 +0000

Great article. how do you approach an employee that wears blouses cut too low and exposes more skin than allowed? Any suggestions on how to handle this dress code violation?

Laurie: Hi Regina,
Thanks for stopping by and for the question.

Some companies have dress codes written out that stipulate the types of clothes that are appropriate in that work environment and subsequent penalties if the code is not followed (ie. sent home without pay until appropriate attire is worn). If your company has such a dress code (one that is formalized and written out), then a reminder email to all staff about dress requirements, with the actual dress code document attached, may help.

If that doesn’t work, a colleague (I’d suggest a female colleague) take her aside and let her know of the document and that she may want to look it over so not to be reprimanded “officially” (again- sent home without pay).

However, if there is no document that outlines required dress (no formalized company code = no violation) then that’s a bit trickier. In this case, it’s more likely left to the opinion and discretion of the individual – and those opinions can vary dramatically from culture to culture. Since I don’t know anything about the particular issue that you’re referring to, it’s difficult to respond (ie. whether or not she reports to you, she’s a colleague, if your company has a human resources department which could handle the “situation”)

Using the wording from the example in the above post, you could substitute words for your particular situation without saying “you’re exposing too much skin.” You could say, “I know you work very hard to ensure all your assignments are done to the best of your ability and you’d probably like to know if there’s something that, despite your good work, may distract others from your abilities. I believe that I should let you know that you need to pay more attention to creating a professional look in the way that you dress.”

You could have some pictures of the type of dress that would be more suitable and point out the length of the skirt and the blouse’s collar and how it is buttoned, suggesting that she would be perceived as more professional dressed this way. If she asks for specifics about the way she already dresses, focus on what she can do instead of how she is looking. You could easily say “Even just doing up the top couple of buttons on your blouse would give a more professional impression,” or “choosing a more closed neckline would suit a professional image better.”

I guess the key here is to be supportive of her talents, do not criticize, and offer ideas on what to do or how to resolve what you see as a potential issue that would negatively affect her career. Remember, unless your company has a dress code, you can say something and she doesn’t have to take your advice. Even in the post I’ve written above, the person receiving the message about bad breath may not want to do anything about it and go on smelling. Her choice. At least you tried to advise her the best you could.

Comment on Attitude is Everything by Positively Present

Positively Present — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:51:27 +0000

Attitude IS everything. It’s so important in all segments of your life, but there’s definitely something unique about a work attitude. Some people have the absolute WORST attitudes about their jobs and it really brings them (and the people around them!) down.

Comment on Interpersonal Communication Skill: Know What You Need to Communciate by Positively Present

Positively Present — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 12:14:46 +0000

SUCH a great communication post. Communication is one of my weak attributes and this post provides such great insight for me. Thanks so much!

Comment on Tips for Communication: Take an Inventory of Your Communication Habits by Positively Present

Positively Present — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 14:57:05 +0000

Great post! I definitely learned a lot from this one and have a lot of work to do in terms of assessing my own communication habits.

Laurie Me too!

Comment on Your Role As a Presenter by Karl Staib - Work Happy Now

Karl Staib - Work Happy Now — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 22:58:57 +0000

It’s amazing for me to watch professional speakers who don’t smile. They look like it’s such a chore to be up there. When we can just relax and have fun with the audience, they feel this and treat us with respect.

Laurie: It’s true – audiences often mirror what the speaker does. Thanks for visiting and commenting, Karl.

Comment on Seeing Through the Mistake by Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings

Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 20:48:57 +0000

I can relate. While I like to see myself as a DIY handy woman, alas, most times it would be far more efficient if I paid someone else to do it! Having said that, good on you for giving it a go. At least you got to spend the day with your friend!

Laurie: Thanks for looking on the bright side of this “situation,” Sami. I think I learned the hard way – as did my friend – to just call someone who knows what they’re doing. Of course, I did learn what I should do next time…

Comment on Presentations – Five Irresistible Principles by jonathanfigaro

jonathanfigaro — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 02:30:59 +0000

Turing your passion into something tangible is a great step for you to take. Allow yourself to do what you love by taking daily step. Don’t allow you self to become overcome with stress or anxiety. Just think positive and take small steps.

Great post!

Laurie: Thinking positive and small steps – great advice! Thanks, Jonathan.

Comment on Conversation is Give and Take by Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching

Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 05:21:57 +0000

Thanks for this Laurie — it’s an interesting issue to explore, I think, if we find ourselves not being curious about another person. What belief is it about the people we’re with that has us shut off our interest in them — are they too old, young, attractive, culturally different, or something else? I think looking at this issue can help us learn a lot about ourselves and the assumptions we might be making about the world.

Laurie: Very interesting take on this, Chris. Belief system and the assumptions it leads us to…I wonder what Ted’s were. Thanks for visiting and for the thoughtful comment. You’ve got me thinking!

Comment on Conversation is Give and Take by Positively Present

Positively Present — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 11:42:37 +0000

excellent post. conversation really IS give and take!

Laurie: Hi Dani! Thanks for stopping by again. It’s always so great to see you here.

Comment on Top Seven Tips For Reducing Workplace Negativity by Positively Present

Positively Present — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 21:54:36 +0000

Great post! Negativity is bad news and it definitely has a very bad impact on the work place. Great suggestions here!

Comment on How Are You? by Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings

Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:02:55 +0000

What a “great” idea Laurie! Love it. When I go through a check out at the grocery store the check out person always asks something along the lines of “how are you?” I make a habit of saying really good (will change that to “great” now) and asking them how their day is going. It’s amazing how few people will ask them in return and I find they generally appreciate it.

Laurie: I like that you ask them about their day also – and you seem like the kind of person who would actually listen to their answer too. That makes a big difference. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it.

Comment on How Are You? by Patrick Mathieu

Patrick Mathieu — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:53:53 +0000

When someone would ask my father “How are you?” he would always reply with either: “Any better and I couldn’t stand it” or “Any better and I’d be twins”. Those answers made people laugh and it made him laugh – good cheer all around!

Laurie: LOL! Made me laugh too! I think I would have written a different post if I had known these responses first. Depending on who asks, I’m going to use your father’s answers for a laugh. Thanks for sharing them – they’re “great!”

Comment on How Are You? by Positively Present

Positively Present — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:46:08 +0000

Love this post! Way to take an average situation and find a way to make it, well, great!

Laurie: Thanks, Dani. I’m glad you liked it.

Comment on Socially Charming by Patrick Mathieu

Patrick Mathieu — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:35:56 +0000

I think you nailed it when you mentioned how Louise makes people feel.

I’ve seen this quote attributed to Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Laurie: Hey Patrick! Thanks for visiting and for the quote – it’s a good one.

Comment on Socially Charming by Positively Present

Positively Present — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 19:22:18 +0000

Great post! I struggle with being social sometimes but you’ve made some great points in this post.

Laurie: I have a hard time with it too so I appreciate learning from others who seem really comfortable with it. Thanks for visiting!

Comment on FREE eBOOK with eNewsletter:What You Need to Succeed: Social Skills by » Saturday Short Film: Think Outside the Box

» Saturday Short Film: Think Outside the Box — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 20:42:06 +0000

[...] FREE eBook: What You Need to Succeed | FREE eBook: The Good Negotiator | FREE eBook: The Good Speaker | FREE eNEWSLETTER | [...]

Comment on FREE eBOOK with eNewsletter:What You Need to Succeed: Social Skills by » Pay It Forward

» Pay It Forward — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 20:13:00 +0000

[...] FREE eBook: What You Need to Succeed | FREE eBook: The Good Negotiator | FREE eBook: The Good Speaker | FREE eNEWSLETTER | [...]

Comment on Be Kind by Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings

Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 20:18:43 +0000

LOVE this post Laurie! If everyone focused on being kind all the time, the world would be a far more peaceful, loving and fun place. If you haven’t seen it already, you should totally check out the blog http://www.operationnice.com. It’s full of examples of kindness.

Laurie: Hi Sami ~ Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. Thanks too for the address of Operation Nice. I’m familiar with it and it sure would have been nice of me to have included it in the post. I’m glad you’re here to have made sure it’s here!

Which reminds me about Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval’s New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller The Power of Nice. Little book, big read. Even recounts their experience with Donald Trump being nice. Check it out!

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Friday Question - Relationships as a Top Priority | Life, Laughs & Lemmings

Friday Question - Relationships as a Top Priority | Life, Laughs & Lemmings — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 23:41:17 +0000

[...] I’m not awesome at this but I’m getting much better). There’s a great article on The Importance of Greeting Others in The First 90 Seconds by Laurie over at Express Yourself to [...]

Comment on Am I Communicating With Respect? Ten Steps to Communicating Respectfully by Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching

Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 19:03:09 +0000

Thanks for this. Normally respect for the other person is something I can feel in my body when it’s there — my chest, my heart area, feels open. If it feels closed, it’s usually because I’m tightening up some muscles in that area, and breathing deeply and letting those muscles relax can be a helpful practice.

Comment on Am I Communicating With Respect? Ten Steps to Communicating Respectfully by Positively Present

Positively Present — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:04:49 +0000

Great post about communicating with respect. While I’d immediately answer the question by saying, “Yes, of course I’m communicating with respect!” that’s not always the case. You’ve addressed a very important topic that affects both work and personal interactions. Thank you!

Comment on Why are we rude? by Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings

Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:11:39 +0000

I think you hit the nail on the head with; “Perhaps the best way to rid ourselves of rudeness is to focus less on ourselves and more on those around us.”

My Mum uses a great technique if someone is rude to her. All she does is ask if they are having a bad day. As soon as she says it, the person generally realises they have been rude and their demeanour changes instantly. I’ve also heard of a store here in Aus that refuses to serve customers who are rude to their employees – an interesting way of tackling rudeness.

Comment on Good Communication Skills: Speak to be Understood by Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching

Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 03:46:48 +0000

Thanks for this. Another strategy that works for me in public speaking is just to feel my feet on the ground — when I do this I feel centered and I don’t feel as swayed by the need to get the audience’s approval or worrying about whether someone is bored and so on.

Comment on Good Communication Skills: Speak to be Understood by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:10:06 +0000

This is great! I’ve been assisting a professional communicator for the past six weeks, and oddly enough, they don’t give directions very well. I’m a smart girl and have always been able to sense what people really mean, but this person… eesh! I just want to look at them and say, “You are not very clear!” (Then I want to point them to this blog!)

Another thing I’ve found that helps (in a marketing communications setting, especially) is knowing how the audience likes to be communicated with. Whether it’s visually, narratively, loudly, softly, what-have-you — when we know what and where our target is, it’s easier to hit.

Comment on Good Communication Skills: Speak to be Understood by Positively Present

Positively Present — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:20:35 +0000

Wonderful post on communicating (something I could certainly use help with!). I really appreciate all of the great information here.

Comment on Thinking on Your Feet by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 17:46:21 +0000

“Jerk store is the line! Jerk store! Yess!” (I don’t suppose you’re a Seinfeld fan, are you?!)
This was a fun and timely post. I was just in a situation last night where someone caught me off-guard and my response could have been much better than it was. Eh well… better luck next time! Thanks for your suggestions (who doesn’t love improv?).

Comment on Thinking on Your Feet by Positively Present

Positively Present — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 05:49:29 +0000

You’ve made some great points about thinking on your feet. It’s not always easy to do, but the first step is having courage!

Comment on Leadership Communication During Uncertain Times by Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK

Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 11:18:36 +0000

Good communications in times of instability or change is very important to lead people in one direction and in an atmosphere of trust. Nice post!

Laurie: Thanks for stopping by, Jocelyn.

Comment on Leadership Communication During Uncertain Times by Giovanna Garcia

Giovanna Garcia — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:12:24 +0000

Hi Debra

Nice post, great information. I agree there is no perfect way to communicate news that will cause uncertainty, you are right about sharing it as soon as possible. other wise people lose trust in you.
Thanks for sharing
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action

Laurie: Thanks for visiting, Giovanna.

Comment on Making Space: Guidelines for Respecting Personal Space by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 19:16:35 +0000

I still have to watch myself with how much personal space I sometimes (unconsciously) require, but as a result of my own needs, I find I’m more aware of others’. I tend to overcompensate and give people I’m near (in whatever capacity) as much space as I can.

Interesting post…
I’m curious, what prompted you to write about it?!

Laurie: Thanks for visiting and commenting, Megan. To answer your question, I was thinking about the amount of personal space I need and how I react when I don’t get enough and then it dawned on me that I’ve always been so concerned about my own space that I didn’t think so much about what others need. (Isn’t that awful?!) This also led me to think about what others may consider their space that I don’t – like the office example and “my” desk. While I wouldn’t care if someone went through my desk at work, I’ve noticed that others consider it a kind of violation and if that’s how they feel, I should respect that and not take the sticky pad off their desk. oops. (even if the pad was put back…) So that’s where the personal space thoughts originated.

Comment on Making Space: Guidelines for Respecting Personal Space by Positively Present

Positively Present — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 13:43:44 +0000

I love this post. I’m a huge believer of a lot of personal space and I’m always surprised when others don’t feel (or act) the same way. You do a great job of addressing the concept of personal space in this post.

Laurie: Thanks for visiting, commenting and the compliment, PP. I appreciate it.

Comment on Making Space: Guidelines for Respecting Personal Space by Stephen - Rat Race Trap

Stephen - Rat Race Trap — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:34:08 +0000

Laurie, really sound advice. This is something that is too often ignored in our inconsiderate society anymore.

“Another invisible personal space, or perhaps this is an invasion of personal space, is the sound that enters into it. Invading another’s personal space with your personal noise is a sure way to cause friction. Talking loudly on the cell phone, ear-splitting, cackling laughter in the otherwise quiet restaurant, or a neighbor blaring stereo are all types of aural assaults on personal space. Hearing unwanted noise makes what could have been a good time into one that is stressful, frustrating, and not at all enjoyable.”

Laurie: Hi Stephen – Thanks for visiting. I appreciate it.

Comment on Good Tips on Poor Listening by Suzie

Suzie — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:30:42 +0000

You forgot clicking and chewing gum.

Laurie: Great additions to the list. Thanks Suzie.

Comment on Good Tips on Poor Listening by Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings

Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:09:09 +0000

Great tips Laurie, or rather, “non-tips”! I particularly dislike the “look away” when I’m talking. I need to work more on not running with the topic. Great reminder. Thanks.

Laurie: Hi Sami – I don’t like the “look away” either. When someone does that for too long I just stop talking and sometimes they don’t even notice! But I think that’s more because I was talking about something really boring and should have known better… Thanks for coming by.

Comment on How Words Add Fuel to the Fire by Vi | Maximizing Utility

Vi | Maximizing Utility — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:56:59 +0000

Hi,
This is a fabulously interesting post. Interesting, because too much in my life is plagued by indecision. I find that in my life I have a need for more direction, not less. I end up in a Merry-Go-Round of “Where do you want to go eat?” “I don’t care, what do you want?” “It doesn’t matter to me, you pick.” “No, you pick.” ARGH! It’s so frustrating! I find that more assertiveness is a good thing.

This post also makes me think of Geert Hofstede’s Power Distance Index. Clearly, you are appealing to societies with low power distance, ie cultures in which power is distributed evenly.

Laurie: lol – I’ve done the back-and-forth indecision too many times too! I was just reading up on the Power Distance Index because of your comment. I wasn’t familiar with it so thanks for mentioning it – very interesting!

Comment on Good Tips on Poor Listening by Positively Present

Positively Present — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:25:34 +0000

This is great. I’m not the best listener in the world and I need to work on it. These anti-tips have really helped me to identify some of the things that I need to stop doing. Thanks!

Laurie: I still catch myself clicking a pen from time to time, but at least I’m becoming aware of it. Thanks for the comment.

Comment on Good Tips on Poor Listening by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 10:58:20 +0000

What a fun way to approach a topic – come in from completely the other side. A branding consultant I worked with once did the same thing regarding customer service. It was a silly exercise and one that got a lot of laughs, but it highlighted some important issues and helped our company then craft the more serious & positive list with ease.

Laurie: Hi Megan – glad you liked the approach. Sometimes I have to look at what bugs me before I can figure out what doesn’t…as long as I don’t get hung up for too long complaining about it, that is! Thanks for visiting again.

Comment on How Words Add Fuel to the Fire by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 10:51:11 +0000

This is great! I frequently find myself annoyed by some but not by others, and it could be over essentially the same topic. Like you wrote (and very well, I might add) it’s all in how we perceive the message being directed at us: empowering or limiting.

Thanks for the tips!

Laurie: Funny how we’re affected by different people over the same thing. I wish I could take credit for writing this post, but it was written by Anne Warfield and, yes, she did write it well! Thanks for coming by, Megan.

Comment on How Words Add Fuel to the Fire by Stephen - Rat Race Trap

Stephen - Rat Race Trap — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 10:27:47 +0000

Hello, interestingly when I read the first two emails I didn’t see anything wrong with either of them. It’s probably because I’m guilty of too much dictating. Thanks for reminding me about this.

Laurie: I can totally understand dictating – especially around someone who can’t make up her mind! Sometimes, it really does seem easier, but I guess that depends on who you’re asking.

Comment on Three Steps to Resolve Your Complaints by Karl Staib - Work Happy Now

Karl Staib - Work Happy Now — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:34:35 +0000

So many times we think of a great solution, but we don’t try to implement it. We can’t be afraid to “do it” because more often than not we will surprise ourselves.

Laurie: True. We’re more capable of more things than we give ourselves credit. Thanks for stopping by, Karl.

Comment on Three Steps to Resolve Your Complaints by Positively Present

Positively Present — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:02:12 +0000

These are great suggestions. Personally, I hate complaining (even though I definitely do it). It never gets me anywhere and it just makes the situation seem worse. These days, when I catch myself complaining, I really try to think about how I can see the situation in a positive light OR what I can do to make the situation better. Usually, it works!

Laurie: It’s interesting how many possibilities (and opportunities) are “out there” when we stop complaining and start fixing. Thanks for visiting, Dani.

Comment on Three Steps to Resolve Your Complaints by Vi | Maximizing Utility

Vi | Maximizing Utility — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:31:03 +0000

Sometimes people feel the need to vent or rant, just to get things off their chest. For most everyone in my life, I am apparently the person to go to in order to do just that. On one hand, it’s nice to know that I’m somehow good at this role of listener, ie. person to complain, vent, rant to. On the other hand, it gets tiring.

Laurie: Agreed…on everything you wrote. I often end up being the “rantee” or receiver of the rant too. It’s not so bad if I know that when they vent and get it overwith they feel better. It’s when they go on for months on end (this is usually a work-related rant) that it gets to be tiring. Thanks for visiting and commenting, Vi; I appreciate it.

Comment on Three Steps to Resolve Your Complaints by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 11:03:48 +0000

I had a friend who used to call me and complain about stuff over and over again (the same stuff, usually). I reached a point where I’d let her get it out into the open and then I’d say, “So what are you going to do about it?” That became my approach for many years with friends who were chronic complainers. One day, that first friend called me up and said, “You know, when you asked me that question I realized I could actually do something about it, so I did!”

This was a great post — It gets me thinking about what life would be like if no one ever complained!

Laurie: Wow – what a great result to have your friend come back to you and tell you that you empowered her. Just that one simple question moved her from reactive complaining to positive action. Brilliant!

Comment on Taking No for an Answer by Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings

Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:26:13 +0000

Such a great post. I first learnt about the importance of saying no from the book by Cheryl Richardson “Take Time for Your Life”. Ever since reading it, if there’s something I don’t want to attend or I already have too much on my plate, instead of feeling obligated and going along just to please, I now say “thanks for the invite but I can’t make it this time”. It works really well.

I’m also careful to not make others feel bad for not accepting an invite from me. In fact, I support their decision because I know how important it is to not overload yourself.

Laurie: I’ve got to get that book! Thanks for mentioning it, Sami. Good for you for your consideration when others say no; I’m sure they appreciate your understanding – that’s what friends do.

Comment on Taking No for an Answer by Positively Present

Positively Present — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:19:36 +0000

Having been raised in a very “yes” environment, I have a huge problem with the word “no.” Lately I’ve been realizing that “no” is okay. We’re not going to have everything we want all the time and sometimes it’s that “no” that makes us work harder and better to get what we want.

Laurie: “Sometimes it’s that “no” that makes us work harder and better to get what we want.” Good observation – and one that makes us improve and not take a defeatist position. Thanks for coming by again, Dani.

Comment on Taking No for an Answer by Vi | Maximizing Utility

Vi | Maximizing Utility — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:22:47 +0000

I agree that we should all accept no gracefully, but I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with using excuses as social lubricants. No one wants to be rejected. No one wants their feelings hurt. The excuse does not need to be elaborate. It can even be completely true! Like, “I would love to go the movies with you, but I’ve just been so busy lately that I’d rather spend some time alone.” But sometimes, there is a pesky person that you genuinely do not like, and sometimes, it’s better to give a series of excuses and hopefully that person will get the hint. Otherwise, you have to actually “break up” with said person, and if you’ve ever witnessed such a thing in real life, it’s not pretty. It’s fine to break up with a boyfriend, it’s weird when you try to do that with an acquaintance. It causes lots of unnecesary hostile feelings.

Laurie: I agree with you that there are times when excuses make it easier to hear no (I like your descriptor – “social lubricants”). For me, when it becomes a constant concern (and sometimes stress) for the giver to say one or else they feel obliged to go or do something they don’t want to, that’s when it’s an issue that needs to be dealt with (by just not making excuses anymore). Also, for me, “I would love to go the movies with you, but I’ve just been so busy lately that I’d rather spend some time alone,” is a reason, not an excuse. What I find unfortunate here is that the reason is one that someone can take offense to (perhaps because of their own insecurity or other personal issue) so the giver makes up an excuse to cover for what they may consider a weak reason, even if it is valid and should be respected. I get what you mean about the pesky person…that can have ugly outcome written all over it.

Thanks for visiting, Vi, and for your thoughtful input.

Comment on Taking No for an Answer by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:47:37 +0000

About four or five years ago, I made a conscious effort to stop adding excuses to the things I was saying no to. I realized I was becoming an excuse rolodex (and not always being truthful in an effort to protect someone’s feelings). Life got much easier after that, and if someone wanted an excuse, I could share the honest one. Since I’m so good at saying no, I also taught myself to become better at hearing no. Sometimes I still have to remind myself, though, that it’s not about me (”Don’t Take It Personally”).

Laurie: “Excuse rolodex” – good description! It took me a while to stop making excuses; in the end, it was the stress of having to give excuses that made me stop. Thanks for sharing your experience, Megan, and for stopping by.

Comment on Are You an Annoying Coworker? by Stephen - Rat Race Trap

Stephen - Rat Race Trap — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 10:45:40 +0000

Great article! Guilty! I do some of these things things by force of habit. I need to do better. I’ve bent or break every rule I’ve ever encountered.

Laurie: Yeah, I’m guilty too! Isn’t there a saying that rules were made to be broken? Some work rules should be broken more often… Thanks for stopping by, Stephen.

Comment on Are You an Annoying Coworker? by Positively Present

Positively Present — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 03:36:28 +0000

Really good topic and something to consider. I don’t think I do any of these things, but I better pay close attention next time I’m in the office…

Laurie: I don’t think I do these either, although there certainly are times when I have the urge to tell someone, “I told you so.”

Comment on Five Ways to Make Others Feel Included by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 11:38:27 +0000

What a great post. I was just thinking along these lines yesterday as I passed by a “helping hand” in the grocery store and didn’t look at him & smile, as I do with so many others. He said hi to me after I passed, which of course just amplified my feelings of, “What is wrong with me that I didn’t give him the same courtesy I give other people?” I stopped, turned around and returned his kind gesture. But it got me thinking about my ego, its tendencies to want to include these people but not those, and the like. Your post reminded me of things I need to be more aware of moving forward. Thank you!

Laurie: Interesting comment, Megan; thanks for sharing your experience. It’s interesting how we have a kind of unconscious selection of who we include and who we don’t. I’ve got to remind myself to be more aware too so I don’t unintentionally offend someone (and then feel guilty and beat myself up over it!). Thanks for visiting, Megan.

Comment on Five Ways to Make Others Feel Included by Vi | Maximizing Utility

Vi | Maximizing Utility — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 01:53:52 +0000

Hi Laurie –
Brilliant suggestions. I tend to be shy & hope for others to include me. But interestingly enough, I don’t often make the effort to do that for others. Your suggestions are quite empowering.

Laurie: Thanks for the kind words. And thanks too for stopping by; I appreciate it.

Comment on Five Ways to Make Others Feel Included by Positively Present

Positively Present — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 19:14:47 +0000

Those are great suggestions! One of the things I hate the most is not feeling included so I really should make an effort to include others. I know how much it means to me when I’m feeling like not part of a group and someone reaches out to me. It’s one of the nicest things a person can do!

Laurie: I agree. It feels good to be invited and included. Being excluded, even if it’s not intentional, is really uncomfortable and sometimes stressful (when you’re trying to look like you belong but you feel like a complete outsider).

Comment on Five Ways to Make Others Feel Included by brandi

brandi — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:25:42 +0000

you know, I often have a need to be actively included…yet this gives me pause to see areas where I can actively include others as well. great, great post. very thoughtful.

Laurie: Me too. I often need someone to ask me something directly or else I think I’m boring them. Thanks for stopping by, Brandi.

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Vi | Maximizing Utility

Vi | Maximizing Utility — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 00:38:27 +0000

What a great post! Tone is voice is the ONLY thing dogs understand when you praise or reprimand them. They don’t understand words, except for maybe sit and stay. But tone conveys everything.

Laurie: Great point. Sometimes, with people, it just doesn’t matter what you say when your tone communicates for you. Who needs words when your tone will say it all? Dogs have us figured out without speaking our language.

Thanks for coming by, Vi.

Comment on Body Language Communicates by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 12:23:40 +0000

I had a friend point out to me that before I talked about a certain person in my life, I’d let out a big sigh. I had no idea I was doing it, but it was indicative of how I felt about them!

Laurie: Interesting! It’s surprising the things we do and don’t notice while others are picking up on them. Thanks for visiting, Megan.

Comment on Body Language Communicates by Evelyn Lim

Evelyn Lim — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 03:01:19 +0000

I tend to react more to non-verbal communication than to what is being said. The non-verbal part usually comes from the subconscious mind. It conveys the communicator’s hidden emotions and thoughts. However, it is always a good idea to clarify on the intent of the communicator. Sometimes, he or she is not fully conscious that the words and the emotions are not congruent.

Laurie: That’s true. I remember a meeting I went to a couple months ago and, apparently, some people around the table thought I looked upset/angry/annoyed when all the while I was concentrating and trying to understand the speaker. I had no idea how I appeared to others because I was focusing on the discussion. I’m glad someone mentioned my expression to me so I can pay more attention to it. Thanks for visiting, Evelyn.

Comment on Body Language Communicates by Positively Present

Positively Present — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 17:46:19 +0000

Body language is SO important. Wonderful post!

Laurie: Glad you agree!

Comment on Body Language Communicates by Chania Girl

Chania Girl — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:19:52 +0000

This post confirms what a lot of us know but don’t know: there is so much more “listening” that happens in our interaction with others than just hearing the words being said. Last week you talked about tone of voice. Today, we are “listening” to what the body in front of us is saying. Really, it’s all about being attentive, isn’t it?

Laurie: I think you’re absolutely right – it is all about being attentive. It makes me wonder why, as a society, we’re generally not as attentive as we could be.

Thanks for coming by and making that point.

Comment on Body Language Communicates by Roger - A Content Life

Roger - A Content Life — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 11:23:03 +0000

Laurie,

Great advice!

I was most surprised by…

“If you encounter a friend who is in a good mood, smiling and walking confidently, mirror that body language and join in the happy feeling, especially if you’re feeling the exact opposite. Instead of pulling him down, let him bring you up.”

This is a great idea!

Laurie: Thanks for visiting, Roger!

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK

Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 11:37:07 +0000

This is a good point. I have experienced this before and the tone of yelling certainly adds to the current misunderstanding in one’s conversation.

Laurie: True. Not only can the tone hurt feelings and offend, but it can also escalate the negative situation by adding misunderstanding to it. Good observation. Thanks for sharing it, Jocelyn.

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 11:31:09 +0000

I echo Chania Girl’s comment about people projecting their own feelings and frustrations onto us. I know that when I’m frustrated and angry, that’s what I hear in other people’s tones. When I’m calm, I’m able to focus on their calmless (this is almost always the case). If I am upset or angry, I try not to talk. At all. I know the moment I do, I’ll be opening up an oxygen tank near my inner flame of frustration and nobody needs that!

Laurie: I love how you worded that – “opening up an oxygen tank near my inner flame of frustration”. And oh, how I can see myself there. Thanks for that great visual. I think that it’ll help me remember about calming down in a tense situation. Thanks for coming by, Megan.

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Jodi at Joy Discovered

Jodi at Joy Discovered — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 01:39:41 +0000

Great article! I think the tone of one’s voice can be even more offensive than actually yelling! I find that I am often more off-put by someone’s delivery than the message itself. I try to monitor my own delivery and think of how it will be received as you suggested. It’s not easy but I am working on it! I find the women (and men) I most admire are those who can express themselves lovingly and with kindness no matter what the message. I hope that as I grow, I can evolve into naturally behaving that way. Thanks for the post!

Laurie: It amazing how some people have the wonderful ability to deliver negative news positively. I admire them too. And I’m working to be as close to like them as I can…but it’s taking a lot of work and a lot of time! I also agree with you that the tone of someone’s delivery can be more off-putting than the message itself. It’s as if the content of the message changes to match the tone of one’s voice instead of holding true to the message. Thanks for your comment, Jodi.

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Vered - MomGrind

Vered - MomGrind — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:42:24 +0000

Counting to ten helps, when I remember to do it!

Laurie: I have a tough time remembering too. Especially in the heat of the moment – that’s tough! Thanks for coming by, Vered.

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Chania Girl

Chania Girl — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 19:54:38 +0000

Oh, boy! Have I ever heard these words in my life! I was cursed with my father’s “gift” of often unintentionally sounding annoyed even when I am not, so it has been a decades-long battle for me to be very aware of how I sound and the words I choose. Not easy!

But … I have also discovered that there are moments where people can project onto us their own feelings and frustrations. I have had times in my life where despite the tone of my voice and its volume (calm and soft, respectively) I have been accused of yelling simply because this person did not agree with what I had to say. In those cases, I can only know that I am not at fault and attempt to diffuse the situation by addressing this person’s own fears and frustrations. Again, not easy.

Laurie: Good observation. Looking back, I’ve been in that kind of situation also and have been surprised to hear that the other person thinkd I’m yelling or upset when I’m not, I was just “talking.” But it’s not easy to be accused of yelling when the emotion that supports that tone isn’t even there. It makes me feel really misunderstood. Thanks, Chania Girl!

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Roger - A Content Life

Roger - A Content Life — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 18:59:00 +0000

Laurie,

I think our voice can sound like yelling when we’re angry even if we’re speaking quietly. In other words, if we’re truly angry that aren’t any good ways to hide it. The best we can do is not speak until we calm down, but then silence can come across as anger as well.

Laurie: “Silence can come across as anger” – I’ve experienced that before, on both receiving and giving ends. Maybe the silence is part of the calming down period and we just need to give that to one another… Thanks for the thoughtful input, Roger.

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Sara

Sara — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 08:49:28 +0000

Laurie — This is an excellent reminder…especially for me! I’ve been told I can yell even when I whisper:~( As I don’t like it when someone else does this to me, it’s something I’m continually working on.

I can usually tell when I’m yelling w/o yelling by looking at the person’s face and eyes. If I see a certain look, I know my tone is not right. Sometimes I can fix it right then, but most of time I end up apologizing later. I think this is one of my life lessons:~)

Laurie: Hey – that’s a good idea. Look at the other person’s face…why didn’t I think of that? Body language is full of cues and this is a good opportunity to look for them. Thanks for the tip!

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Barbara Swafford

Barbara Swafford — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 06:36:23 +0000

Hi Laurie,

Ironically “yelling” conjures up a shouting match, but what you’ve said is very true. Although I don’t mean to “yell” (not shout), at times I do find myself talking in a tone that could equate to “yelling”. Your post reminds me to think before I speak so as not to make others feel “less than” or that they are being “yelled at”. Hmmmm. I’m off to ponder.

Laurie: I have a hard time remembering to think first before I speak. I’m getting better, but some situations are harder than others. Thanks for stopping by, Barbara. It’s good to “see” you here!

Comment on Interpersonal Skills: Making Assumptions by brandi

brandi — Sun, 31 May 2009 22:42:16 +0000

oh how this is something I’m learning….lol. I’m especially good at #5. And I don’t want to be.

great post-

Laurie: Yeah, I’m good for that one too. It can cause a lot of undue pain, that’s for sure. Thanks for visiting, Brandi.

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Lance

Lance — Sun, 31 May 2009 11:05:08 +0000

Hi Laurie,
This is a good reminder for me – to be conscious of this when I’m having conversations that might lead to yelling based just upon my tone. I know I don’t like being the recipient to this. I guess, if I can be conscious of what I’m doing – then I’ll have a better chance as not doing this. And if I can “catch” myself before doing this – maybe some deep breathing might help – before I open my mouth and say something…

Thanks for this today – it really is a good reminder for me to how I “treat” others…

Laurie: Catching myself before using my tone is always a challenge for me, but it’s good advice. Maybe taking 5 seconds to get a grip is the way to go…now if only I can remember…

I like your play on the word “treat.” I’ve not thought of that before.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

Comment on I’m Not Yelling by Positively Present

Positively Present — Sat, 30 May 2009 16:54:30 +0000

So true — we can definitely be yelling without yelling. The best way to deal with situations in which your emotions are taking over is to take a break from the conversation and come back to it later. Yes, this sometimes means going to bed angry, but it’s much more important to get a fresh perspective than it is to resolve things immediately.

Laurie: I agree. A break is the best thing, I just wish there was something more instantaneous. But with emotions, I guess they have to run their course. Thanks for saying it’s OK – and sometimes good – to go to bed angry when there can be a better solution in the morning.

Comment on Don’t Take It Personally by diane

diane — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:22:06 +0000

I never let what other people say bother me. I’m very secure in who I am, and it took me a long time to get here.

When I was raising my children, I learned to never raise my voice to them unless it was an emergency (like running into the street). That way, they would listen to me right away. People saying negative things are a lot like that. If you take to heart every thing that is said to you, it’s a waste of your time & emotions, and you won’t recognize an “emergency call” if you get one.

Laurie: Good point – it IS a waste of time and emotions. Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment.

Comment on Interpersonal Skills: Making Assumptions by Patrick Mathieu

Patrick Mathieu — Fri, 29 May 2009 00:23:52 +0000

You’re absolutely right when you describe assumptions as “mental filters” which help us cope with life. And the anaolgy of a filter is a very accurate one. Just like an air filter or oil filter, our assumptions need to be examined, cleaned and even completely changed from time to time in order to allow things to function smoothly.

Thanks for the reminder – perhaps it’s time I did some “spring cleaning” of my assumptions!

Laurie: Hey Patrick! Thanks for expanding on the analogy – and for making it so timely. Thanks too for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it.

Comment on Interpersonal Skills: Making Assumptions by Positively Present

Positively Present — Thu, 28 May 2009 19:14:17 +0000

Making assumptions is bad, bad news. It NEVER leads to anything good (okay, maybe SOMETIMES… but rarely). This is something I do all the time and really need to work on so thanks for posting this.

Laurie: I make assumptions too – and more than I should. I need to ask questions first and assume never.

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord — Thu, 28 May 2009 15:27:42 +0000

You know, I have a friend who gives hugs when she first sees people. And they’re not just any hugs — they’re HUGS. Long, tight, and meaningful. I make it a point to try and be fully present with people when I greet them. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but intentions go a long way.
Great post, and wonderful site!

Laurie: Wow – a real hug! Don’t see those often.

Intentions do go a long way; people pick up on the energy even if the action isn’t quite where you want it to be. Thanks for visiting my site and for your kind words. I appreciate them.

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings

Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings — Wed, 27 May 2009 21:12:01 +0000

Hey Laurie,
Great video! Made me realise I do the 90sec rule for my partner but I don’t do it as well for other people. I also love the mirroring technique. Thanks.

Laurie: Ya, the mirroring technique is a pretty smart idea. Thanks for stopping by, Sami. I appreciate it.

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Suzie

Suzie — Wed, 27 May 2009 19:16:00 +0000

I agree I always try to sound really chipper at work. it makes people feel good and gets a great response.

Laurie: Happiness is contagious and others catch it. (Same goes for miserable…)

Thanks for visiting, Suzie, and for leaving a comment. I really enjoy your blog; it’s one of my favourites.

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Stephen - Rat Race Trap

Stephen - Rat Race Trap — Wed, 27 May 2009 12:21:16 +0000

Laurie and Alex, this video was FANTASTIC. I can’t say enough good about it. I’ve known for quite some time about the first impression rule in regards to meeting people for the first time, but I never thought about something like this. Thanks for sharing this. It deserves to be widely advertised. I’ll try to get something going on Twitter today.

Laurie: Glad you liked the video too, Stephen. I thought it made the point really well – it’s one thing to have written about how to do it and quite another to watch it. Thanks for the Twitter support – I hope others enjoy it also.

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Giovanna Garcia

Giovanna Garcia — Wed, 27 May 2009 06:18:43 +0000

My habit is to make eye contacts, smile and ask them how they are doing. And if it is someone close to me a hug feels nice.
Thanks for the reminder and sharing this post.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action

Laurie: That’s what I do too!

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Alex Shalman

Alex Shalman — Tue, 26 May 2009 01:06:11 +0000

@Evelyn Lim: I think greeting them with a big smile, and sharing that energy with them would totally re-energize you!

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Evelyn Lim

Evelyn Lim — Tue, 26 May 2009 00:49:51 +0000

Thanks for reminding me about the importance of greeting. I am about to go out for the day. However, I am feeling exhausted from a couple of late nights. Still, it would be great to go out with a smile when I greet my friends and loved ones.

Have a wonderful day

Laurie: It’s hard to greet someone well when you’re tired. But it might be the “pick-me-up” that you need and you’ll have another late night!

Thanks for visiting, Evelyn. You have a wonderful day too.

Comment on Don’t Take It Personally by Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching

Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching — Tue, 26 May 2009 00:22:35 +0000

Thanks for this post. In my experience, when someone says something to me that feels critical or hurtful, that’s actually because they’ve helped me see a place where I don’t fully accept myself. For example, if someone says “you made a mistake,” and I feel an urge to respond angrily or apologetically, I’m probably feeling that way because on some level I believe that “I can never make a mistake, or I’m unworthy or useless.” So naturally I feel compelled to defend myself. But if I recognize that making a mistake, as 99.9% of people do from time to time, doesn’t render me worthless, I’m not going to feel so freaked out over criticism like that.

Laurie: Good point. I used to get upset when I felt I was being treated/judged unfairly or really misunderstood and no effort was made to understand me better.

Thanks for leaving such a good comment.

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Positively Present

Positively Present — Mon, 25 May 2009 23:15:22 +0000

That’s so true. I’ve never really thought about it before but it really is important to greet people (and greet them properly) at the beginning of an interaction. Great post!

Laurie: Hi Positively Present! Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment.

Comment on The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds by Alex Shalman

Alex Shalman — Mon, 25 May 2009 21:03:07 +0000

You are welcome. I got really into this video when it hit my inbox and it got me thinking about all the places where this rule is applicable. Everywhere.

Laurie: Everywhere is right. A good greeting is never wasted.

Thanks for coming by, Alex.

Comment on Don’t Take It Personally by ann elise

ann elise — Fri, 22 May 2009 19:11:49 +0000

Laurie,

People do project, don’t they? Hmmm… bet I do too.

But we are not Pavlov’s dogs. Between the stimulus (the comments and gestures we take personally) and the response (taking it personally; getting hurt, upset, angry, etc.) – is our ability to choose our response.

Laurie: “Choose our response” – that’s key in so many areas of our lives! Thanks for coming by, Ann Elise

Comment on Don’t Take It Personally by Stephen - Rat Race Trap

Stephen - Rat Race Trap — Fri, 22 May 2009 09:45:55 +0000

Laurie, this was great! I’m probably too far in the other direction – I tend to be oblivious to feedback that, while maybe not done in the right way, may be nonetheless valuable information that says something about me. It’s a balancing act between being blind to your impact on others and letting the thoughts of others control you.

Laurie: I agree with you that there can be value in feedback and it’s a great way to learn about ourselves. But when it’s just judgmental opinions based on someone else’s biases, that’s when I have to remember their comment is about them. Of course, at that point it’s not really feedback either, only a criticism… It is, as you say, a balancing act and knowing when it’s good feedback or someone’s bad day.

Thanks for coming by Stephen!

Comment on Don’t Take It Personally by Joanna Jenkins

Joanna Jenkins — Fri, 22 May 2009 02:34:23 +0000

Very well said! It’s hard to apply sometimes, but you’re right, offensive comments are usually always about the other person…. Now if I can just remember that “in the moment”. This is my first visit. Great blog!

Laurie: Trying to remember is the hardest part for me.

Thanks for visiting my blog, Joanna – I’m glad to “see” you here!

Comment on Don’t Take It Personally by Roger - A Content Life

Roger - A Content Life — Thu, 21 May 2009 19:12:45 +0000

Laurie,

This makes sense to me!

I also try to feel some empathy for the random person that is rude, unkind, and so on. Maybe he just heard some really bad news. Or maybe he is really worried about something. I’ll never know.

Laurie: Empathy is a good emotion to have. It really allows you to cut some slack for the other person. Thanks for visiting, Roger.

Comment on Don’t Take It Personally by Positively Present

Positively Present — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:56:51 +0000

Really great stuff here. It’s so, SO hard not to take almost everything personally, but, in reality, usually whatever someone else says/does/etc. is about him or her, NOT about you. It’s hard to remember this sometimes, but it’s really important!

Laurie: It is hard to remember and sometimes I completely forget for a few hours then it hits me, “heyyy, wait a minute…it’s not me…”

Comment on Interpersonal Skills: You’re Amazing by Daphne @ Joyful Days

Daphne @ Joyful Days — Fri, 15 May 2009 06:20:41 +0000

Laurie, amazing post and amazing suggestion! I’m going to try this too.

Laurie: It’s made a difference for me. However, sometimes I find it difficult to remember to do it! Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Daphne; I appreciate it.

Comment on The Strength of Kindness by Angie

Angie — Thu, 14 May 2009 23:31:28 +0000

“The kinder and more thoughtful a person is, the more kindness they can find in other people.”

Leo Tolstoy

Interesting post! Authentic kindness can sometimes be hard to come by- if we pay attention to our intuition we can really sense when it is real. We can tell the truth with grace and compassion, this is REAL kindness~ not putting on the fake smile while we pretend to go along, resenting all the while. A real friend will speak their truth- and for this we will trust them. This indeed is kind:)

Laurie: Thanks for the quote. I’m not familiar with that one so I’m glad you shared it. And thank you also for your comment. Authentic kindness is hard to come by and when you experience it, it’s so much more meaningful than experiencing someone’s ‘niceness.’

Comment on The Strength of Kindness by Allen

Allen — Thu, 14 May 2009 23:14:42 +0000

Wow you have a very nice blog here. Great article as well. Would you by any chance be interested in exchanging links, I’m sure my readers would love your blog. Please comment back on my blog if your interested. Keep up the great writing, nevertheless I’ll return often

I wish you love and peace of mind
Yours truly
Allen Loomis

Laurie: Hi Allen
Thanks for stopping by and for your kind words. I’ve checked out your blog and really like what you’re writing about so I’ll be visiting regularly!

Comment on The Strength of Kindness by Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills — Thu, 14 May 2009 21:52:43 +0000

Excellent article Laurie, I thought the concluding paragraph wrapped it up just right. I feel that we actually owe it to others to be honest with them. It’s an expression of respect. As you pointed out though, this should be done in a compassionate and tactful way that doesn’t compromise our honesty.

Laurie: A lot of our actions come down to choosing an active display of respect for others and ourselves – thanks for reinforcing that. And thank you for dropping by my blog; I’m happy to “see” you here!

Comment on The Strength of Kindness by Roger - A Content Life

Roger - A Content Life — Tue, 12 May 2009 20:04:39 +0000

Laurie,

Thank you for the link!!

“When kindness is expressed in a way that is compassionate, understanding and respectful, it is easier to be kind without the potential hazards of being “nice.” And while it can be hard to be kind, it’s even harder to live with the after effects of “nice.”

I wish I had said this in my post. We want to be as nice as we can be, but not at the expense of true kindness.

Laurie: Hi Roger,

True. When “niceness” begins, kindness ends; however, there are times when they go hand-in-hand.

I really enjoyed your post – as I do for all of them!

Comment on The Strength of Kindness by Positively Present

Positively Present — Tue, 12 May 2009 14:28:27 +0000

Wonderful post! I really enjoyed reading it…and a lot of the other things on your site. It’s great!

Laurie: Hi PP. I’m glad to see you here, thanks for stopping by. I’ve been enjoying your blog also. You’ve got many really good posts!

Comment on The Strength of Kindness by Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK

Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK — Tue, 12 May 2009 13:30:32 +0000

We can never really be kind unless we are strong enough to support that kindness. True kindness is strength controlled and love expressed with utmost respect.

Laurie: Good comment. Thanks for adding it.

Comment on The Strength of Kindness by LifeMadeGreat | Juliet

LifeMadeGreat | Juliet — Tue, 12 May 2009 12:36:58 +0000

Hi Laurie

You have touched on a subject that is very close to my heart and I like your discussion around what is in fact kind.

My favourite quote of all time is from Seneca:
“Where ever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness”

Juliet

Laurie: I like the quote. Can we include animals and not just human beings? Thanks for visiting, Juliet.