On Laundry…

DG: oh, we have some dirty clothes! Time to do the laundry.

UG: Dang! We’re out of clean clothes. I guess I’ll have to do the laundry.

On Ironing…

Comments you will hear in the household of a UG: “Can you please iron a shirt for me? I have nothing to wear to work tomorrow.”

In the house of a DG, you will never hear such comments because the ironing will always be done before anyone else can report about not having any clothes to wear.

Aristotle: When my tooth falls out, maybe I should just put it under my pillow in case the tooth fairy is real.

Aristotle: *in a falsetto voice* Don’t peel my skin! Why are you peeling my skin?
Aristotle: Mummy, you are supposed to answer the orange.
Me: I’m peeling your skin so I can get your juice.
Aristotle: *in a falsetto voice* why do you want my juice?
Me: So Aristotle can drink it.
Aristotle: *in a falsetto voice* Why does Aristotle need to drink my juice?
Me: Because he’s been sick a lot and needs more vitamin C.
Aristotle: Oh.

Aristotle: Hercules! Look plate! You want the plate?

Distracted by the cartoons on the plate, Hercules’ grip on the iPhone goes limp and Aristotle deftly withdraws the iPhone for himself.

Me: Let’s play a game upstairs.
Aristotle: (starts to follow me up the stairs) What game is it?
Me: It’s a game we play with our eyes closed.
Aristotle: (turns a hundred and eighty degrees and heads back down the stairs muttering to himself) I don’t like this game.

Aristotle: Mummy, Hercules and I are all wearing crocs. Daddy is the odd one out.
Daddy: That’s because I spent all my money buying crocs for Mummy, Hercules and you so I don’t have money to buy crocs for myself.

A little later…

Aristotle: Mummy, I won’t use my money to buy toys. I’ll save it and give it to Daddy so he has money.

N.B. Aristotle and Hercules are our aliases for the boys.

“I could have told you that would happen.”

If you knew it would happen, why weren’t you there to make sure it didn’t happen? Of all the ridiculously useless observations to make after a fact… And I could go on but I won’t.

After several postings on facebook about the darndest things my kids say, it has been suggested that I turn it into a book. Well, that would be perfect if I could just remember half of those things that they say. So perhaps we should keep a running collection of the things they say here and compile it into a book when I gather enough material…

So what are our goals for 2012?

1. Collect material for “My Kids Say the Darndest Things”.
2. Continue my early childhood development blog and website.

Yup, we’re much less ambitious this year.

As far as writing goes, there have been no new additions to my professional portfolio on Helium, Ezine Articles or Hubpages. But I have been writing a lot though – on the blog. Although I don’t usually count blog posts as writing because blogging always leaves a certain window for sloppiness. There’s no real art to it – or at least, not when I do it. You can publish an article with typos and grammatical errors and the writing style is always quite informal because it’s a blog and blogs are basically online diaries. So no, there’s been little writing progress on the professional front.

On the up side, there have been two writing opportunities that came by my way. Unfortunately, I couldn’t take either of them – dang. The Medical Writer was an in house position so it meant having to trudge to the office on a daily basis – which is completely out of the question since I still have the kids to look after. The other writing position required expertise in luxury goods – double dang. I knew there was a reason why I should have gotten into the whole handbag and shoe shopping thing… But since I’ve always opted for comfort and practicality (especially after I quit my job), I know almost nothing about the world of Birken bags and Gucci shoes.  In fact, I probably wouldn’t even know those existed if it weren’t for TV – thanks to Gilmore Girls and Jennifer Lopez.

So, here I am back to blogging, book-keeping, the occasional freelance assignments that are no-brainers and pay like crap, and my own self-imposed early childhood development study. And somewhere amidst that, I need to find some time to finish my Writer’s Bureau assignments before my time’s up.

Since we’re at the start of a new year, I reckon some resolutions are in order. And these are my writing resolutions for the year:

1. Make some headway with my Writer’s Bureau course.

2. Get higher paid, or at least more respectable, freelance writing jobs; or

3. Get a paid writing position that allows me to work from home.

And that’s it. There’s nothing ridiculously impossible so let’s hope I can tick something off this list at the end of this year…

No such luck…

You try writing when you’ve got this going on…

Gavin: Mum, can you make me a stall?
Me: Ok, in a minute.
Gavin: Mum, I need some scissors.
Me: What for?
Gavin: To make pretend money.
Me: You don’t need a pair of scissors. Here use these chips as coins.
Gavin: Yay! But Mum, I still don’t have my stall.
Me: Alright! *Gets up and shuffles a few pieces of furniture around to create a makeshift stall.*
Gavin: Mum, I’ve got nothing to sell.
Me: *Takes a box of toys out of the cupboard* Here, sell these.
Gavin: Mum, do you want to buy some donuts?
Me: Gavin, could you just give Mummy some time to finish my work?
Gareth: Mumumumum! *Crawls to my legs with arms reaching up*
Me: I suppose you want nen?

…and on it goes…

I guess I’m just one of those writer’s who struggles to string a single sentence together in the face of distractions. Well, it wasn’t like I didn’t try…