Facebook Detox

Twitter: Now Just a Way to Get You to Buy Stuff!

2013-05-23T12:31:00.001-07:00

One of the most putrid pastimes on the internet is moving away from being a place to share your life, your joys, your girls and your boys and toward a way of trying to thrust consumerism upon the unsuspecting masses. Twitter, dear readers, is fast becoming more about advertising and noise than about whatever the heck it used to be about. In fact, still to this day I can not get my mind around what the heck Twitter's purpose is.

What is the purpose of Twitter?

Even informational sites like Wikipedia can not formulate a straight answer to this question. While many people ask this question, few actually know. In fact, along with the location of the Arc of the Covenant and Aladdin's lost lamp, Twitter's purpose baffles many. Twitter, it could be said, is a purposeless waste of time.

Yet many have invested thousands upon thousands of hours Tweeting. When I tried Twitter I found that people were posting about a wide variety of subjects, such as products that they were selling, anger at the media, hate speech, and whatever Twitter deemed to be "trending" at the time. Twitter was a tool in which the poster could express themselves in a limited amount of characters, cross their fingers, and hope that the rest of the world was listening to what they had to say.

But, as time passes, less people are listening to each others Tweets. Twitter, like it's amalgamated step-cousin Facebook, is slowly declining. Why is that? Well, first of all, people are starting to wake up and realize that they do not want to literally sink their lives into such sites. Second, Twitter and Facebook are no longer novel and new. Third, (a)social media sites like Twitter are now just ways in which people are trying to sell you things. Much of what the user sees are products being peddled. Many people don't like that. They started using these sites to express themselves and be unique. Whether or not that purpose was actually achieved is up for debate. However, the reality is that the modern Twitter is a wasteland of, well, putrid waste. It's the sludge of the internet at its absolute finest. Twitter, like other (a)social media, has infiltrated the internet and the time is nigh for a clean up.

An Electronic Superfund Site?

In fact, it could be argued that the internet is becoming somewhat of an electronic superfund site. Sites like Twitter have caused a back up of garbage to accumulate on the internet. The internet is full of spam and sites like Facebook and Twitter are factories that produce incredible amounts of it. Many users of Twitter are asking: "Is Twitter losing its popularity?" Yes. I do think so. Yet, there is a long way to go. Even if a few hundred people leave the site tomorrow, the fact remains that Twitter is loaded with people who are absorbed in the site at any given moment.

The next time you log into Twitter, take a long look around. Have you noticed that much of the posts are trying to get you to buy something? How much of what you read on Twitter is just noise? Does being on Twitter really do anything for you? Think about it. Does the amount of time that you spend on Twitter pay for itself? Or are you just allowing your mind to grow more numb by the second?

I left Twitter because, like Facebook, I found that it did not belong in a healthy and meaningful life. If you are spending hours a day on these sites instead of actually living your life, you may want to reconsider your priorities.

Is Using Twitter to Advertise Worth The Hassle?

Many people think that Twitter is an integral part of selling a product, whether it be something on their Etsy store or a book that they published and sell on the internet. The reality is that Twitter does very few people that much good. Here is why:

1. In order to make your product stand out, you have to also stand out yourself. This takes an inordinate amount of time and effort that may not be worth it. For example, ask yourself: Is it worth the time to create thousands upon thousands of Twitter connections, something that can take months of time, just to sell a few products?

2. If you try to friend too many people on Twitter, your account may be banned. At the very least, you will probably get a warning. Twitter wants people to add connections, but there is a double standard. You can not add too many people at once. This is a way in which Twitter gets you to have to spend days in order to slowly get a following. What a waste, huh?

3. The more people you follow, the more noise you hear. Many of your "connections" will be on Twitter merely to sell their own products. Many will not even be reading the tweets from the thousands of connections they already have. Your eyes will be sore.

4. After searching the internet, I found that Twitter has developed a reputation as being a place that is hard to sell on. In other words, good luck turning those obnoxious Tweets into sales conversions. However, that doesn't mean that MILLIONS of people are not trying to do that already.

5. You may find that many of your followers will eventually no longer be interested in following you or your product if you are pushing it too heavily. On the flip side, if you don't push it heavily, your posts will be lost in the sea of Twitter noise. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place!

In short, unless you are somewhat masochistic, you may want to find other ways in which to advertise your product. (A)social media is an overrated method for selling. However, the sites would never tell you that. After all, that's how they make millions of dollars. Without users peddling products and paying for ads, these sites would buckle and fall into the abyss, along with the almost forgotten fads of the past.

Living Double Lives on Facebook

2013-05-21T07:23:00.002-07:00

Sometimes people want the world to think that their life is better or more exciting than it really is. For example, there is a member of my family who is having a hard time in her life with her third marriage. She outright stated that she purposely makes her life seem perfect on Facebook although in real life it is far from what she wants it to be. While those who live close to her realize that her life is, in many ways, shattered, family members and friends who live far away see her life as being something to envy. In short, many of those who view her Falsebook profile are only seeing a false life that has been, in short, made up.

They are seeing a life that exists only in the deepest sanctums of her imagination. And they believe it is reality.

Many people live double lives on and off of Facebook. I found that, when I used to be a user of the site, that my life often seemed more exciting on Facebook. I would sit back and ask myself how others must view my life. It made me feel good for a while, knowing that those who I knew in the past and generally no longer talked to that much probably thought I was living an amazing life. Although I am very happy with my life, it is not all glamor. For example, while I do travel very often, I oftentimes stay in places that many people would probably never set foot in. Yet, I would rarely show those places when I had a Facebook profile. Most people, I found, were envious of my life, as if it was something unattainable. I realized that I did not like people thinking this way about me, but I found it almost impossible to not live a double life on Facebook.

Most people want to be viewed in a positive light. It is very easy to be viewed this way when you are twisting and morphing a Facebook profile. Unlike real life, which is full of challenges and ordeals, one can paint their life in any color they choose while on the kingpin of (a)social networking. While it may be very challenging to have a perfect marriage, one can create such a thing at the push of a button on Facebook. No wonder many people would rather live their lives in front of a computer instead of in the big bad real world that exists just beyond the screen.

But living one's life on a computer comes at a cost. First, it is incredibly addictive. Second, when a person spends an inordinate time in the fantasy world of Facebook, real life issues invariably emerge. It is not uncommon to see people gaining weight and encountering serious health problems because they neglect their bodies, instead opting for the computer. While one posts about their double life they may find that they are instead ignoring their real life. Many ignore their families, friends, skills, career aspirations, and dreams. Sure, you can pretend to live your dreams on the internet, but it will never result in you actually achieving them.

Unplugging yourself and staying off of Facebook is the hardest part. Many people get to the point where they can deactivate the beast, but it's not coming back that most fail at. Even I have battled the want to go back to the site that the world is obsessed with. It is only through reminding myself of what my life was like when I was glued Facebook that makes me stay away. We are told we are sinister or somehow unsavory for not being on Facebook. Yet, that is not true. Do you see the biggest creators and achievers in the world glued to Facebook? Facebook is a pacifier for the masses, nothing more. It is the biggest waste of time in the modern world (and, in the end, it is truly a waste). When people can not go a series of minutes without checking the site, you know there is a problem.

Don't get swept up living a double life on Facebook. Instead, resist the temptation to spend your life on the site at all costs. You are not a bad person if you don't use Facebook. You are not somehow unsavory or socially devious just because you realize that there is a real world beyond the computer. Don't give into the hype or peer pressure. A life without Facebook is the optimal life. Many of those who say otherwise have not lived a life free of Facebook in years.

It's just too hard to leave Facebook...

2013-05-12T05:58:00.002-07:00

In my last post, I asked the question, "does Facebook make people anti-social?" Perhaps it does with some people. I talked about a certain family member who was hurt by what her daughter said to her. My wife told her that it may be best to take a break from Facebook for a while. She kind of agreed, and was considering leaving. However, she did not.

Facebook's gravitational pull is too great for many. A life without Facebook is terrifying to many in our modern world. People are expected to either be on Facebook or be viewed as social pariahs. Furthermore, there is often a backlash from family and friends who are on Facebook when one leaves. "Why did you leave us?" they cry. In fact, when a Facebook user goes to deactivate their profile, shown is a few friends with text saying that each one will miss you.

Instead of leaving Facebook, the individual has set herself up for more heartache. Similar situations have erupted on Facebook over the course of the last few years. Some people use Facebook as a medium to control others. Others use Facebook as a medium to make others feel awful about the world and their lives. For my sister-in-law, she uses Facebook as a way to tell her family (particularly her mother) how they raised her wrong all of her life and to brag about her adult life. Happy mother's day.

My wife's mother has battled with the idea of leaving Facebook for a while now. In fact, she once stated that she was not addicted to Facebook. I think that most people are. In fact, I believe if someone 'battles leaving Facebook but does not' then they are addicted. There is no way around it. To the addicted, contrary information, such as this website, is ignored. Many addicts have no want to hear that they are addicted, nor do they want to change. In fact, even with the heartache that Facebook causes these people, a fear of the world outside of Facebook makes them too afraid to leave.

My wife's father, however, did leave Facebook. He realized that Facebook was not conductive to a real adult life in a real adult world. In fact, he was sick of the behavior that many hardcore users exhibit on the site. The strutting around like an internet rooster. The behaving like a donkey in the barnyard. The incredulous lack of judgement that many Facebook users show. The internet brings out the worst in people. From message boards to internet chat rooms, people can be downright vile on the internet. Facebook makes it worse, because, many of these people are doing it to their families and best friends. Those who society says we should love the most.

In the last few years I have seen both my family and my wife's family fall apart. From outright cheating on spouses to using Facebook as a medium for the disowning of siblings, Facebook has reeked serious havoc. Before leaving I constantly read horrible things being said about family members right on the site. Family fights erupted for the world to see. And yet people ask me why I am not on Facebook. I believe that we become that which we behold. I did not want to turn into such a person. I did not want to be a part of the negativity. I had found that Facebook was a very negative website across the board. Sadly, many people do not see it. Instead, they think Facebook is just a way to keep in touch. Yet, there is an element that brings out the worst in humanity there. Perhaps it's the war to get likes. People will destroy each other for a few likes. Facebook likes are like cocaine to some.

My wife's mother eventually sent an e-mail to my sister-in-law and within seconds replied and invited my wife's mother to yet another birthday party. They went. Perhaps out of fear of the backlash that would be caused on the site if they said no. Perhaps they truly wanted to go, even though the daughter humiliated her and made her feel like a genuine buffoon and certified lummox. Everything should be a-ok for the next few weeks. Of course, the Facebook pawn will show herself again and rape and pillage for the world to see. That's how it goes down in Facebook town.

Does Facebook make people anti-social?

2013-04-29T12:47:00.004-07:00

Last night as my wife was on the phone, her mother explained, on the verge of tears, how her daughter had chewed her out for not traveling sixty miles for a birthday party that was announced a day earlier only via Facebook. She tried to explain to her daughter that both her and her husband were sick and could not make the long journey on such short notice. Furthermore, this particular party was being held a month after the actual birthday. And with all of fury the daughter could muster, she straight up told her mother that "if [she had] tried to understand why they were sick every single time they were sick, she would have the Guinness Book of World Records for compassion."

My wife explained to her somewhat distraught mother that Facebook has changed how people act socially. She explained that on the internet there is no seeing the other person's face, no hearing the other person's voice. Instead, one sends out a message to a picture and has nothing to hold them back from being as mean and bitter as they can possibly be. Tact is not an ordinary tool that is used when on the internet, sadly. Instead, people spout off anything that comes to mind, some of which are hateful and spiteful words. Words that people would rarely use in the real world to those who they profess to love. In short, Facebook makes people anti-social.

But, Facebook is not the real world. Facebook is fantasy.

Like many, my wife's sister has lost much of her social skills as a result of her time on Facebook. People need face to face interaction with other people to grow socially. Those who live their lives via Facebook regress to a point where the entire world is confusing and perplexing. My wife's sister lives her entire life via Facebook. Sadly, even though she is both physically and financially capable, she rarely leaves her home. Her world exists through a screen. She uses Facebook as a medium to brag about her life and how she perceives it to be. She bullies those who do not agree with her. She does not pick up the phone to call her parents nor does she e-mail. And when she wants to invite someone to one of her nine children's birthday parties, she does it entirely via Facebook.

Yet, before Facebook she was not always this way. In fact, she used to plan gatherings with her parents and family and spend much time with them. As they are getting older, she would drive herself and her children to their house and spend an evening or weekend with them. She was very much a part of the family and considered herself a family centric individual. Then Facebook arrived. At this point she began to withdraw. She realized that the new world of Facebook was now to become her home. Instead of visiting family in person, she would post on their Facebook profile wall. Instead of having her grandchildren visit she would post pictures of them getting older. And like a hoarder, she would collect the hundreds of likes that came as a result of these pictures. Each like gave her something. Perhaps it was some positive reinforcement, maybe it improved her sometimes weak self-esteem. It also, however, gave her the assurance that she no longer had to leave the house. The fantasy world of Facebook had become more enticing than the real world that existed outside. The real world, to her, was now dying.

As time passed, my wife's sister began to grow angry at the world that existed off her computer. She began to hate this terrifying and confusing world. So, she would withdraw either onto her phone or her laptop. Instead of talking to others when they visited, she would stare at the screen, waiting for a text message or search for a picture to post onto Facebook. There would be no communication for those who did not join her on Facebook. If you were not on Facebook, she did not exist. You did not exist. And that is how it has been for a while now.

There are hundreds of such stories out there. True tales of people who withdraw from the modern world, instead opting to live the remainder of their lives on Facebook. Facebook gives some people more than they believe they can get out of the real world. Where else can you say something and have hundreds of people like it in minutes? Where else can you make what you feel to be a lackluster life seem like a dream? The real world is hard. Facebook is easy.

Yet, life is meant to be shared in person with others. Yet more and more people are sharing their lives only through a computer screen or cellular phone. Instead of spending time with their families and loved ones, people instead would rather gather likes on a computer screen. Instead of spending time with parents and family members that will one day no longer be around, people would rather brag and talk trash on the internet. What will it take to change this? What will it take to make people step back and realize what is important in life? For those who say that Facebook is a harmless tool, they do not understand the deeper psychological aspects that users of the site experience. Many say that it will not happen to them, but as I sit in a classroom full of people who are obsessed with Facebook and not interested in listening to a lecture or watching a public speaker, I can not help but wonder if this is not happening to most of Facebook's users. When I see people walk around with their eyes glued to their phone instead of enjoying the world around them, I can't help but wonder if we have stepped backwards as a species. When I see people justify their use and their obsession to an (a)social media website, I can not help but wonder if they are trying to tell themselves once again that they are not addicted.

The reality is that if you are using the website to the detriment of any other aspect of your life, and you see no problem with it, you are addicted. If you are letting your family life, your relationships, your professional life, or your dreams pass you by while you use Facebook, you need to reconsider your priorities.

The internet is not the real world. Facebook is not the real world. Those who live their lives through these mediums miss out on an amazing life and an amazing experience. Those who live through a computer screen or a cellular phone are truly hurting themselves. There is a problem with such a life, and those who do not

see it choose to not want to see it. We have been given this life, a chance to experience a world that has been created for us. We have a precious existence that is literally wasted through the obsession we have with (a)social networks. Ask yourself today if you want to go back to the world that you knew a few years ago. Ask yourself if you want to live once again. Many could benefit and grow if they merely gave up the site that has hindered their development.

Employers Keeping an Eye on Employee's Social Network Profiles!

2013-04-24T12:11:00.005-07:00

There has been a lot of attention lately on employers and regulatory bodies that want to keep an eye on the lives of others, particularly through their internet profiles. For example, a recent story from CNN stated that a wall street regulator wants the power to keep tabs on stockbroker's social network postings. In other words, he wants to be able to see what wall street employees are saying on their (a)social media accounts in order to see if they are not complying with the law.

The argument goes "investors must be protected, if stockbrokers are chattering about stocks on Facebook and Twitter, FINRA must ensure that the stockbrokers comply with the policies of Wall Street firms."

According to CNN, earlier in the year, FINRA sent letters to around 10 states with laws and/or proposed legislation that ban this kind of monitoring. The Wall Street Journal recently reported on this matter.

There have been many instances of people being fired for their posts on Facebook over the last few years, and some states have reacted by banning companies from monitoring their employee's accounts. Again, this begs the question, why have such (a)social media accounts in the first place when your real life (and Facebook is not 'real life') is at risk?

In 2011, there was a lawsuit by an officer at the Maryland Division of Corrections. He was applying for re-certification after a leave of absence. The officer stated that an interviewer asked for his Facebook log in information during the interview. The American Civil Liberties Union took the case, and not too far afterward, Maryland banned this practice. Other states have begun to follow. Such laws generally ban employers from requiring access to their employee's and job applicant's social network accounts.

However, now FINRA wants broker-dealers excluded from that ban.

"Prohibiting access to these accounts conflicts with a firm's responsibilities to comply with federal requirements and threatens investor protection," FINRA complained in its letter. As Smaragdis puts it, FINRA wants financial companies to be able to "follow up on 'red flags.'" (Source: CNN)

Those who support the bans on social networking monitoring believe that if an employer can monitor Facebook posts in order to make sure you are following the company's rules, what would stop them from looking through your photos and your life, using the information they find against you? This is seen by some, especially those who value privacy, as an abuse of power.

Of course, the best answer seems to be, don't bother with such sites in the first place. What would an employer say or be able to do if you were not on Facebook? After all, not everyone is. Many who find themselves on Facebook get themselves into trouble. And is the mental anguish worth it? What does a person lose by not having a profile? Of course, that is the main topic of this site. However, that point is hard to hit home when many people feel that having Facebook is a necessity in life.

I have known people who have become angry at me for finding information about them that they posted on various websites and blogs. If you do not want your life to be shared with the rest of the world, do not share it on the internet. The internet is a public forum. By sharing the intimate details of your life on Facebook, there is a huge chance that others will see it. I am for privacy, but wonder why those who are on Facebook get especially upset when their privacy is or may be uncovered. Facebook is, after all, a site thats main purpose is to make the world a more transparent place. Privacy means keeping personal information about yourself, your life, and the life of your loved ones to yourself (and to those you trust). If you are posting about your life on a website that was designed to make your life transparent, then you may want to consider otherwise if you do not like often hurtful consequences. (A)social networking is not worth it.

Source: CNN

Fake Facebook Profiles: How Many Do You Need?

2013-04-20T06:06:00.005-07:00

Recently it was said that there were over a billion people on Facebook. Then later on it was said that many of those profiles were fake. But the big question remains, why would anyone have more than one Facebook account? Isn't one account enough?

So, how many of these accounts are fake? Facebook estimates 8.7 percent, or 83.09 million accounts.

That's a huge jump, both in raw numbers and as a percentage, from Facebook's last estimate. Back in March, Facebook said 5 to 6 percent of accounts are false or duplicate. At the time, this meant between 42.25 million and 50.70 million users.

Source: cnet

It can take a long time to create, mold, and perfect a Facebook profile. No doubt some people have spent as much time on Facebook as some of the greatest painters, writers, and sculptors in history have spent on their iconic works. Can you even imagine how much time one spends when they are milking multiple profiles on Facebook, Twitter, and other such sites?

I too have dabbled with multiplicity

Like many, my hands are not clean. I used to have multiple Facebook and Myspace profiles. I had one for another website I was making, one for myself, and one for an alter ego of myself. While I spent very little time on these alternate accounts, I felt that any time spent thereon was a waste of my precious time. I was right. I could have been doing something more worthwhile with it. I could have spent that time with a family member, a friend, or even with my cat. I could have sat down and wrote a family member a letter expressing my love for them. Instead, like many, I was absorbed in Facebook, doing what the creators and shareholders wanted me to do -- immersing myself, my time, and my very life into it.

A life without Facebook?

The truth is, I personally know many people who have more than one profile on Facebook. Some use it for their nome de plume, others use it for a fantasy version of who they wish to become. Some use a fake profile to start discord on the internet. Others have a fake profile to cheat on their spouse or significant other. There are a host of reasons one may use to make a fake profile, but there are very few really compelling reasons to be on Facebook in the first place. In fact, although I know many people who disagree with the message of this site, not one person has given me a good reason why they spend hours a day on Facebook. Not one. In fact, many actually agree with the message or points of this site, but they find it too challenging to leave. The idea of not being on Facebook is perplexing to many and does not jive with their idea of what it means to live in the modern world.

The truth is, many don't even want to try going without Facebook. The idea that one is missing out on something by leaving Facebook compels many to stay. The fact of the matter is that leaving Facebook for some is terrifying. Facebook, for many, is their window to the outside world. Although many people spend close to $100 a month on a smart phone, the idea of communicating with friends and family outside of Facebook is somehow absurd. More and more people are stating that they do not like to talk on the phone, but would rather text or use Facebook to keep in touch with others.

Among those who owned cellphones, 42 percent said they used their device to stave off boredom and 13 percent pretended to be occupied with their phones to stave off unwanted attention from others.

And what’s happened to voice? It turns out that 53 percent of Americans still prefer to talk to one another on their phones. Source: New York Times

Furthermore, in a recent article out of the dailymail stated that 1 in 5 residents of the UK would rather use Facebook than talk on the phone.

Most people aged between 25 and 34 prefer to contact friends and family online than pick up the telephone - mobile or landline - according to broadband provider Talk Talk.

Source: dailymail.co.uk

Perhaps, we as people are forgetting what it is like to speak to one another. What does this mean for our future generations? While many claim that it is harmless, psychologically there is some harm when people do not want to talk to each other and somehow call it being social.

How much time do you spend on Facebook?

When one spends so much time hooked up to the internet, whether it be from the phone or from the home computer, one will likely spend much of that time on Facebook. Very few people even consider how much time that they spend on (a)social media sites. With such time being spent absorbed into these sites, there is little wonder why people may feel the want to create a fake profile (or profiles). After all, it was so much fun to create the first one. Furthermore, much of what was on the first profile was a fantasy, why not take it further in your second or third profile?

If a person clocked how much time they spent on Facebook and asked themselves if they feel that they don't have the time to achieve their goals, they would invariably be quite surprised with the result. Having two or more profiles on Facebook is especially burdensome when one considers what they could achieve with the time that they spend on the site.

Have you had more than one profile on any such website? Do you know someone who does? How did that affect you/them? Are you ready to give a life without Facebook a try? There's nothing to be afraid of. I have received e-mails from and have spoken with many people who have left the world of (a)social media behind and have begun to live more abundant lives. Perhaps it is now your turn.

If you would like help putting Facebook behind you, or want to talk with your Facebook use, please e-mail fbdetox@gmail.com.

The Internet can be a depressing place...

2013-04-13T11:58:00.004-07:00

Lately I have been using the internet a lot to search for information on a wide variety of subjects. However, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes searching for information on the internet is a pretty depressing endeavor. It is also something that I have found has affected how I feel about myself, my current situation, and my outlook on life. I have started to come to realize that the internet itself is not always good for a person's well being.

I have always thought that the internet was a great place for information, and I still do. However, the information that the internet is great for is not the kind of information that is clouded with negative opinion. It is the kind of information that is fact based. Sites like Wikipedia, Wikitravel, and the like provide a person with a wealth of information that expands the mind and answers many questions that one may have. However, there are many sites that make a person feel that life is a depressing ordeal, and I have begun to stay away from those sites.

Some of the biggest culprits are news websites. News stories are not just written in a fact-based manner. Instead, there is a great amount of fluff thrown in, along with the reporter's own spin. Much of this fluff is to make a person feel compelled to continue reading (or watching). News media oftentimes makes a person feel worried or tells a person that they need to continue to check back. Yet, I have found that not paying attention to these sites has not hurt me in any way. In fact, not having to worry about the possible doom and gloom of the world has helped me to feel better about myself and my life. The world has yet to end, despite all the negativity that is out there. Many news stories that proclaim that the world is an unsafe place are rarely spot on. In fact, I have been to many parts of the world that were deemed unsafe or chaotic and realized that the media was highly over-exaggerating. Newsmedia exists to make money, and money is made by enticing viewers and readers to continue to view advertisements.

The news media is not the only part of the internet that is depressing however. There are many internet forums full of people who proclaim that everything that one wants to do is a bad idea. Many people state that there is no sense on trying to achieve something because of how others have failed at it. However, very few of these sources explain why others have failed. Many websites proclaim how horrific the economy is, how unemployment is so high, or how the college educated will never find jobs. While these are serious concerns, reading about them and lamenting about them only leads to depression and apathy. Do we really need to subject ourselves to that?

I have often spoken on the subject of (a)social media such as Facebook and Twitter being depressing. I found Twitter especially to be a very depressing site. Yet the media desperately wants everyone on Twitter. In fact, almost every news source vehemently advertises their Twitter feed. Furthermore, many of these media sources have huge sums of money invested in sites like Twitter, LinkedIn, and Facebook. With that in mind, it is apparent that they have a financial interest in getting you to spend time on these sites.

I strongly believe that what we allow to come into our minds greatly influences who we become. I feel that I have become a stronger and more caring individual by not subjecting myself to a barrage of negativity. I have seen people break down and become totally complacent about life due to negativity. Sadly, many of these people are the type that will spend hours a day on sites like Facebook, because the imaginary world that exists on (a)social media is a safe haven from what they deem to be the harsh realities of everyday life. The cycle of depression does not end, because negative feelings continue to emerge when the individual realizes that they spent obscene amounts of time on Facebook and that they are constantly comparing themselves to their friends and family -- people who they feel that they can not live up to.

On the internet we are constantly shown these cultural myths of people who live perfect lives. We see people who are young, wealthy, and live in beautiful places. We see people with lives that we wish we had. Whether it is young adults that live in the East Village in New York and travel all around the world on their parents dime, or a business owner in his 30s who owns real estate all over the world. Yet, these stories rarely state that such lives are largely a myth. While there are many people who live in amazing houses and eat out in fine restaurants, we do not hear that they are also often unhappy or long for something more. This is because many such stories only want to present us with one side of the picture. This is not complete information. Nobody's life is perfect, yet when we spend time on the internet or viewing media that shows such "perfect" lives, we tend to compare ourselves to them. We see ourselves as inadequate. The truth is, you are not inadequate. There is no reason you should ever feel the need to compare yourself to another person, especially a person who exists largely in fantasy. Yet on the internet is it almost impossible to not compare yourself with others.

The internet has become an obsession with people. People are glued to their phones and computers everywhere. Whether it is in the classroom or at the store, people can not get themselves to look away from the internet. I do believe that there is a sociological problem with this, and I think that in the future, people are going to realize that. However, at this point in time it amounts almost to heresy to say that there is a problem with our cell phone addicted culture. People are not just staring at a screen; people are comparing themselves to others constantly; constantly feeding themselves information that is largely based on fantasy. People are continually putting negativity into their minds. We, as a society, have a problem with depression. Perhaps this is one reason why people are so depressed. When a person lives their life on the internet comparing themselves to other people and reading stories about how the world is such a horrible place, depression will follow.

Contrary to popular belief, choosing to not read negative information will not make you less intelligent. There is enough information about the negativity of the world around you at all times. Why subject yourself to more of it? If you are social in any way, you will find out that there are economic problems, that there is unemployment, or that war is going on around the world. Feeding it constantly to yourself or being glued to news media and (a)social networks is not going to make you feel better about your life or protect you. Instead, focus on the positive things that make you feel good about yourself and your life. Focus on your family, religion, the people you love, helping others, being a good role model, and achieving your goals. There is a great amount that a person can accomplish in the time that they spend viewing negative information. Setting yourself free from such a life is truly a way to make yourself feel better about the world around you.

I highly recommend taking some time and going somewhere where you can not use the internet. Somewhere where you are free from the distractions and negativity of the world. There are many places out there that are not too expensive. Consider spending a couple nights camping, whether it is in a tent or in a cabin somewhere, and keep the cell phone off. Consider staying at a bed and breakfast without internet. Plan a vacation to a primitive place. Or, consider unplugging the computers for a day, or turning the cell phone off. It is sometimes hard to unplug from the internet, but it is a truly refreshing experience. Take that time to reflect on who you want to be and what you want to spend your time doing. After a couple of days, see if you feel more refreshed. Don't think of it as a chore, but think of it is a time to meditate and to feel better: A chance to detox. Many people honestly feel that there is no problem with being glued to the internet and the phone twenty four hours a day, but there are some who are starting to wonder if such a life is anywhere near the ideal.

Do you have an incessant urge to check up on the lives of others?

2013-03-28T09:12:00.003-07:00

One of Facebook's draws is that it allows you to be a real life spy. Once you sign up and collect some friends, you can constantly follow their lives at the push of a button. The more people you know and find, the more time you can spend tracking their every movement. Of course, such tracking comes at a cost.

Every human is bound by the constraints of time. Using any resource requires skill, and with practice, many get better at it. Time is just another resource, one that requires some thought in order to use wisely. Facebook costs people a great amount of time. Almost every person has some kind of goal they are going after in life. Many have dreams of doing something with their lives. Something that is seen as special or that makes them more unique. However, with Facebook, a person can, for a while, feel unique or different. However, saying something on a computer does not mean that something is necessarily true. And people tend to exaggerate on the internet. Why? It is very hard to prove something is not necessarily 100% true when you are not anywhere near that person.

But there is another sinister factor that lies deep within the underbelly of Facebook. People oftentimes feel an incessant urge to check up on the lives of other people. We like to know how we are doing. However, Facebook is a poor method for gauging one's successes in life. By using Facebook, we sell ourselves short by comparing ourselves with mere fiction. Yet, we feel that we just have to see what our friends, our siblings, and our parents are doing in life. Perhaps we can prove that something someone said about us in the past is wrong. Maybe you did get into that school everyone said you would never get into. And now is your chance to brag!

Such bragging comes at a cost, and it's a cost that every Facebook member shares in. We feel like trash when we log out. We feel that our lives are somewhat of a failure. If one of our hundreds of friends does something that we wish we did, it is easily to feel down in the dumps. And with hundreds of friends the chances of one living an envious life is high. Even if they are not truly living an envious life. The truth is, nobody seems to want to say anything negative about themselves or their perfect lives on Facebook. Lives that are full of vacations, achievements, and endless good choices. We see our lives as being both good and bad, but few people would share the bad on Facebook. When we compare our lives, the good, and the bad, with what we see on the internet, we invariably feel that we have somehow failed.

I have known people that refuse to leave Facebook because they have a need to check up on the lives of others. They do not realize that by giving rid of the urge to follow people that are no longer a part of their life that they could accomplish their goals. Many of these people are depressed and angry with how their lives have turned out. Many are constantly envious of what they see on the internet. Yet, they refuse to step back and take the reins on their own life. They feel that Facebook really is giving them something in life. They feel that being on Facebook makes them a better person. But, science has been uncovering the fact for a while now that Facebook is full of negative attributes that affect people for the worse. There is, in sum, very little one gets out of Facebook. In the end, there is heartache as a result of using Facebook. Whether it's the envy you feel when logging off, that wondering if you said something wrong or something that is somehow offensive to another, being exposed to negativity and angry political discourse, feeling ignored, or having spent hundreds of hours maintaining a profile and scouring for likes, Facebook makes one's quality of life go down. As a rational human being, would you choose to be involved with something that reduces your quality of life and how you feel? I know I will not. Yet society and Facebook's investors, who represent multiple companies and news agencies want you on Facebook. Facebook, for many, is a way to advertise. Advertisers can tell a lot about you based on what you like. A lot more about you than you want to share.

For example, a recent article, entitled "Is a Facebook 'like' too much information" stated:

"Researchers got more than 58,000 volunteers who use Facebook to take a psychological and intelligence test and share all their profile information and likes. Then they ran some complicated algorithms and checked how likes correlated with what they knew about users (from their profiles, pictures, the tests, etc.)."

While such testing is in the early stages, the reality is that people share way too much information on the internet. Recently, while talking to a family member, I was told that many people she knew do not want to get a passport because they believe the government can track such things. Yet, these same people all have cell phones and Facebook accounts. Even conspiracy theorists can't stay away from the site!

Is the want to check up on the lives of everyone you know or once knew worth the cost? We oftentimes do not think about what something will cost us when we do it. Sometimes something seems harmless, but over time it can do great damage to our lives. Facebook use does cause damage in people's lives. It's not just a harmless pastime, and society is starting to realize that. But, is it too late? Are people too addicted to the site? Are you?

Returning to Facebook for a Good Cause

2013-03-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

The following is a guest post from one of my readers. If you are interested in submitting a guest post on your thoughts about Facebook, please e-mail me at fbdetox@gmail.com.

Returning to Facebook for a Good Cause

It’s been almost a year since I deactivated my Facebook account. From the beginning I was convinced that this was a very good decision. I was reaffirmed in my belief when I recently returned with disastrous results.

Even before I deactivated my account, I wasn’t using it very often. I didn’t care for how I felt after I spent time on there. I enjoyed the idea that I was a part of my friends’ and relatives’ lives, but would end up realizing that all I was doing was essentially spying on them and offering a few useless comments here and there. I tried to keep up with everyone, but found it to be too overwhelming. I had too many “friends” to actually be real friends with. Not only that, there were many times that looking at all of the highlighted accomplishments would make me feel depressed about my own life and lack of similar accomplishments. I wasn’t finished with school, starting a family, buying a house, etc. I had been doing things with my life, school, traveling, working, but it always seemed to pale when compared to others. I also couldn’t stand the “religious” bigotry, racism, or repeated ignorance that I saw in every other comment on there. It all got to be too much. I realized that I could keep the real relationships and make them more meaningful by not being on the site, so that it what I did.

Then came St. Baldrick’s Day at my university. It is a day in which people either shave their heads in support of fighting childhood cancer, or donate their hair to locks of love to make wigs for children in treatment. Part of support is the raising of donations to help fund research. Since I was taking part in this event this year, I wanted to help out as much as I could. I created a donation page on the St. Baldrick’s Foundation website and gave in to the advice to ask for help on Facebook.

When I reactivated my account, my first post made it clear that I was only there to get help for children in need and that afterwards I would be leaving again. I made a few updates giving the link and encouraging my friends to donate. I posted two pictures that showed how long my hair was, that would soon be donated, in order to try to get extra attention for the cause. I felt that the pictures may get the attention that the comments were missing out on. I was excited at the possibility of many of my friends and relatives contributing to such a worthy and relevant cause. With all those people, I thought that reaching my small goal of $100 would be a cinch. After all, that’s only asking for about $1 from most, not even everyone. However, my hopes came crashing down when after almost two weeks the only people who donated, or even mentioned it, were my husband and mother. Those were the two people that I asked in person.

I tried to temper my disappointment with reason. Perhaps there is just so much noise on Facebook that they did not really see my posts. Maybe people get asked for donations so much that they didn’t see it. Maybe people didn’t notice that I was back for that short time. However, when I returned to deactivate my account, I saw that one of my friends had reposted my picture with an excited comment about how I had returned to Facebook. No mention of the fact that I had stated that I was only back for a short time in the name of curing childhood cancer. While I appreciated the appreciation, I was saddened that all my efforts fell by the wayside. People liked my pictures, but no one even commented on my request. It was as if my words were gibberish. Is that what Facebook is reduced to? Are we merely our pictures taken out of context? These issues rudely reminded me of why I left in the first place.

While my Facebook was reactivated I was mostly able to ignore the temptation to check in on everyone. I have to admit that I did scroll down a tiny bit when I saw the newsfeed. My eye was caught by a few things and it was hard to resist: I admit it. When my husband offered to help me deactivate it again, (they tend to hide it), he couldn’t resist the urge to check a friend’s wall. Here again, we were upset by Facebook. This is where I saw that my purpose was lost, but also that another person’s private matters were being discussed with everyone on the site. While I understand that this person and others had strong feelings about the matter, my husband and I both felt that this was unfair to the person who it mattered most to. We did not feel that they should have their business all over the internet if they were obviously not ready to tell other people about it. Before Facebook came along, this probably would still have been told to some other people, and even it was appropriate to do so. I acknowledge that. The problem is that Facebook allows hundreds of people to now know with one simple comment. It is like putting personal business on a billboard for all to see. This is not good for relationships as it takes much of the respect for other’s feelings out of the picture. Everything becomes news, and people forget that sharing isn’t always appropriate.

Looking back at all of this, I was sadly disheartened. I thought that it would be a simple thing to merely utilize Facebook for a good cause. I thought that I could make a difference with it. I was wrong. I find that this is the case with many people’s experience with Facebook. People are very quick to extol the virtues and possibilities of Facebook, when in reality it is only a place for shallow gossip. The only way that we can change the world is in our day to day lives. My time would have been better spent calling people or asking them in person. At least then I would have been seen as a human being, instead of letters on a screen and pretty face in a picture. Now I feel that I have learned the full lesson. Facebook is not only a waste of time, it is detrimental to society. People are fooled into thinking that they are actually doing productive things when it is all an illusion. It is time to stand up and say no to Facebook and yes to living real lives. That is how we will make a difference in the world.

***

Author: The author wishes to remain anonymous, but uses the pen name of Little Fawn. For more information on the St. Baldricks foundation, please visit their website at http://www.stbaldricks.org/.

One Year Without Facebook

2013-03-16T17:43:00.001-07:00

It was about a year ago when I gave up Facebook. Many people thought I could not do it. In fact, many thought it was just a phase I was going through (some still do). I never understood what was so crazy about the idea of giving up Facebook. I lived most of my life without it. Yet, giving it up irritated people. In fact, many are still irritated by this blog that I created shortly after deactivating my profile. Many people refuse to even look at this site as they know that they could never give up Facebook. The truth is that they are addicted to it, no matter what they say to the contrary.

I have always believed at looking and considering information that I do not agree with. In fact, I have found that, after looking at something I was against, my thoughts on that matter would sometimes change. Being open to differing opinions is something that allows one to grow. Of course, there are some differing opinions that I will never agree with. That does not mean I should ignore contrary information or challenge my views and beliefs. Even the most ardent supporter of Facebook may realize that the site is not everything is it cracked up to be if they considered some time away from it.

With that being said, I am immensely glad that I gave up Facebook a year ago. I have accomplished a great amount without Facebook. These things include progressing through graduate school, writing a book, creating a travel blog, gaining work and internship experience, writing a great deal of short stories, saving and investing money that I earned from my own projects, and visiting a few new areas of the world. I have focused my attention on school and my professional life instead of focusing my attention on Facebook. I found that instead of spending time worrying about what others thought of me, I was absorbed in my own goals and family. Instead of spending time on Facebook, I spent time with my wife and pets. I do not say this to brag. Instead, I say it to show that I accomplished much without Facebook -- and I know that anyone can do the same. A year ago I spent most of my time looking at Facebook and comparing myself with others. I wondered what others were doing. I wondered if something I said would somehow offend someone. And it often did. I lamented that people would often say things, sometimes horrible things, that were contrary to who they held themselves out to be. I cringed as political discourse turned ugly and individuals started attacking each other merely for their own beliefs. I had little time to focus on my own life when I was literally wrapped up in the biggest waste of time that has perhaps ever been created (with the exception of the television, but even the television can provide something of value and be quite educational).

One year ago I had an "aha! moment." I didn't make a big deal about leaving the site. There was no, "I am going to leave Facebook, so say your goodbyes." I just deactivated it without telling anyone. The questions and comments from others eventually came to my e-mail or to my ears. That's right. People actually talked to me through means other than Facebook. However, as a whole, I lost contact with most of the people who I was friends with. Even certain family members. I realized that I was only seen as a friend by certain people through Facebook. Although that was somewhat hard to get used to, I was better off knowing this and getting used to that fact. After all, before Facebook came along, I talked to very few people who were on my "friends list" and life was fine. Once I left, I realized who my true friends were, and who those people were that wanted to stay in contact with me. It was a very small number of people.

However, being away from Facebook made me less popular with a select group of people. Some people looked at me as if I was strange. As if I had horns growing out of my head. "Why would he leave Facebook?" they would question. "What is wrong with him?" some would say. "Is there some devious purpose to all this?" Some people would try to get me on LinkedIn, but I resisted at all costs. In fact, I found that I was able to gain a great deal of work experience even by not being on LinkedIn (more on this later). I realized that (a)social networking internet sites (and such sites are asocial in every meaning of the word) were largely a pointless and useless endeavor (with very few exceptions).

There exists so much more beyond Facebook.

Learning to not care what others think of me has helped me a great deal in life. It was once very hard for me to get by in life wondering if others would think of me in a negative light, or if someone would be mad at me for something I did. I used to be coerced quite easily into doing things. Things that made others somehow happy but left me feeling nasty. Facebook did not make me feel good. Logging off of Facebook after hours wasted on it was not something I felt proud of. Even though it upset people that I left, I realized that it was my choice to leave, and mine alone. You see, in life you truly own only one thing, and that is yourself. Those people who are the happiest in the world are those who take control of their lives and of themselves and do what makes them happy. This does not mean purposely hurting others (and leaving Facebook is not purposely hurting others, despite what some may say). Instead, this means moving towards a lifestyle that makes one feel closer to who they want to be.

After a year of being away from Facebook I cannot say that I feel that I am missing anything. I am constantly reminded of the site by others. Generally these are people who seem unhappy with their lives; and I believe that part of the problem is their addiction to the site. While not everyone who uses the site are addicted, I would venture to guess that a majority of the users of Facebook (those who maintain a profile and keep it current with their lives) are addicted. Addicted is not something that people want to be labeled as, but the reality is that Facebook is addictive. It is a virtual world where one can literally be whatever they want to be. One has access to the lives of many people. One can make themselves seem as great as they want to be. That in itself is a very powerful idea. There is no wonder that such a thing can be addictive. Some people will spend hours a day on Facebook and come away somehow believing that they are not addicted. Instead, they consider their behavior normal. Sadly, such behavior is normal for many. It was for me, and I knew that when I left over one year ago. To reactivate my account would be to tread on dangerous ground. Luckily, each day I am more and more sure of my choice to have left. This blog, as a journal of my life without Facebook and as an observer of (a)social network addiction is a testament to that. I only need to review what I have written to remind myself that my life without Facebook is more full than it would be on the site. If I can help even one other person find the freedom and joy of a life without (a)social networks, then this blog has served a greater purpose. I look forward to spending another year free of (a)social networking.

Have you recently left Facebook? Have you considered going back? If so, did you give in to that temptation? If you are considering leaving Facebook, or have given it up, post your thoughts below.

Facebook and Parenting

2013-03-11T07:23:00.004-07:00

Parenting is said to be one of life's greatest challenges. Some people choose to put the challenge on "hyper mode" by combining parenting with Facebook. Sadly, few who embark on this foolish endeavor succeed. Like ketchup and dirt, Facebook and parenting do not mix well.

I have been appalled on my journey through life by watching parents ignore their children while absorbing themselves and their attention toward their phones and computer screens. Many parents sit alone, oblivious to their children who are nearby, as they wrangle the perfect status update on their Facebook page. Sending out a picture of one's child seems to replace being there for the individual.

Contrary to popular belief, one is not a good parent merely by creating a child. Parenting requires a great amount of time, and most of that time should be spent with that child. Sadly, I have witnessed my fair share of parents who think that being there for the child is a chore instead of a delight. Yet, many of these individuals possess a small army of children. If being there for your child is such a chore, why keep having them? A child is not a status symbol, it is a human being. Yet, with Facebook, everything becomes a status symbol. If something can garnish a certain number of 'likes' through Facebook, then it is Facebook gold. For some, their children are seen as a way to increase their internet popularity. A child is often seen as a vehicle for the attainment of more 'likes'.

If one is somehow compelled to spend time on Facebook, then that time should not come at the expense of being a parent. I have touched on the fact that Facebook gives back very little in exchange for the amount of time people spend on it. In fact, many people state that Facebook brings them feelings of envy, sadness, and anger. Many people, myself included, believe that Facebook takes away time that could be used towards other pursuits. Pursuits that result in greater rewards. One example, in the parenting context, is the bonding time that one can spend with their child. Children grow up quickly, and almost every parent has some regrets when their child reaches adulthood. There are few parents that do not wish they spent more time with their children when they were younger[1]. Even parents who are blessed enough to stay at home with their children instead of working outside of the home often feel this regret. Sadly, many stay-at-home parents are the biggest culprits in using Facebook instead of spending time with their growing children.

Many parents believe that it is the school's job to educate their children. This is a faulty way of thinking. Education begins in the home. A child who is not educated by their parents is at a huge disadvantage in life. Children who have parents who spend time educating them not only do better in school, but also are better psychologically prepared for the trials that are ahead of them in life [2]. "While both school and family involvement are important, the role of family involvement is stronger when it comes to academic success."[3]. Yet, many parents are not involving themselves in the child's studies. Instead, like many others, parents feel the need to be on Facebook. It is a burning obsession that constantly nags at the individual. Facebook addiction, after all, has many of the same addictive properties of drug addiction[4][5].

Parents, like others, are not able to easily walk away from Facebook. Many see no reason to. In fact, many parents who ignore their children while on Facebook do not see it as a problem. Yet, this is a huge problem. If animals ignored their offspring in the wild, the offspring would likely die. Just as in nature, when a parent ignores their child, the child's development is hampered. Parents have an obligation to help their children thrive. If you are ignoring your child to spend time on an (a)social network, your child is not thriving.You may be a parent who has spent time with your Facebook account to the detriment of your child. That does not mean that you are a bad person. Part of changing is realizing that there is a problem.

The next step is moving towards a solution. The solution that I strongly recommend is leaving Facebook. Of course, many people think that the idea of leaving Facebook is devious. Many people are literally terrified of leaving their Facebook account behind. Some are scared of a world without Facebook. However, a great amount of people have found that leaving Facebook is an incredibly beneficial step into taking back their life.

Many people are astonished to find that they spend hours a day, and hundreds of hours a month on Facebook. Many people look at magazines of lives of those who live their dreams and wonder why they have not attained the same. Many people wonder where the years of their life are going. During their youth they had dreams of achieving some kind of success, whether it was being a writer, a doctor, a pilot, or something else that is attainable. However, they find those dreams beginning to wane as time progresses. Those dreams do not have to disappear.

Ask yourself how much time you spend on Facebook a day. Multiply that by a 365. How much of that time that you spent on Facebook could have been devoted to another endeavor? How much time could you have spent with your child? The reality is that your child will grow up. One day you will die. Will you have any regrets as you look back on your life? I understand that it is often hard for people to look so far forward. Many of us live for the moment. If you could do something today to improve the rest of your life in profound ways would you consider doing it? If something is coming between you and who you want to be, then you owe it to yourself to alter your course in life. For many people Facebook is a barrier to a better life.

What could you gain by leaving Facebook behind? The chance to spend more time with your child and family? The chance to move towards the attainment of goals. The chance to read those books you have been meaning to read? The chance to work and save up towards something great? The chance to learn a skill or improve your abilities? Life is limited by one thing for everyone: time. Time is the most precious resource people have. Do not waste your life staring at a screen and tying your self-esteem to that endeavor. Nothing is worth that.

***

Sources:
[1]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2203025/Spending-time-work-children-young-parents-chief-regret.html
[2]http://www.medicaldaily.com/articles/11651/20120821/children-parents-time-teenagers-psychology.htm
[3]http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-19923891
[4]http://www.facebookdetox.com/2012/04/what-are-you-stupid.html
[5]http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/news/8436831/Student-addiction-to-technology-similar-to-drug-cravings-study-finds.html

Facebook: One Identity -- Total Transparency

2013-02-28T08:39:00.001-08:00

What does privacy mean to you?

"In The Facebook Effect, a recent history of the social network, Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg told author David Kirkpatrick that he envisions a society in which "you have one identity"—where "having a different image for your work friends or coworkers and for the other people you know" will no longer be possible or even desirable." [source]

As humans, we are involved in deep and complex relationships with many different people. I would never share the same things with a friend that I share with my wife. Nor would I share that information with my boss. Yet, the idea of a total transparent world is something that is not only desirable for the Facebook creator, but the ideal. Such an ideal, is to me, quite terrifying.

I can not help but wonder why a person would want to live in such a world. I have touched on the subject in previous posts of the virtue of privacy. Many people have died for the freedoms and privacy that people in our modern world now take for granted. Has the internet and the obsession with (a)social media made us forget the desirability of privacy?

Of course, Facebook is known to be an enemy of privacy. In fact, it's been the subject of multiple stories stating that it has been involved in breaches of privacy. Yet millions of people don't care. As long as they can share their lives and watch their contemporaries' lives, everything is okay, right? Many people don't even think about what they are giving up when they sign up for the quasi-"free" service known as Facebook. Instead, they think of it is merely as a tool to allow them to live a more social life.

Should a person want to share every aspect of their life with everyone? Are having secrets a bad thing? Should the world know who you slept with, where you are planning on retiring, who you are angry with? Should your spouse and co-worker both be aware of your financial life? Should you tell everything to everyone? No! Such an idea is, frankly, absurd. Yet, people subscribe to such an idea when they sign up to Facebook. I have touched before on the idea that Facebook is a business. People seem to forget this. You are sending a message that you agree with the ideals of the company, Facebook, Inc., even if, in reality, you do not support the idea of a world without privacy.

If Facebook was a or the government, people would be appalled at the site's lack respect for privacy. Yet, since it is a non-physical website, and not a government, that allows one to engage in behaviors such as creating envy (though making others jealous), bragging, comparing one's self to the perceived life of others, and acting like a fool in a public forum without abandon, many are glad to sign up and trade their ideals for it. Being non-tangible makes Facebook seem like less of a threat. But there are a host of psychological threats that come with using and living your life through Facebook. Do you really want your entire life to be transparent for the rest of the world to see? Do you value privacy at all? These are questions that many users don't consider but should.

If you are on the fence about using Facebook, now is a good time to try a stint without Facebook. You may be pleasantly surprised at how things turn out. If you think that there is something to lose by giving up Facebook, you should instead consider what you have to gain. Put the time you spend on Facebook towards reaching your own goals. You live the life you choose. Only you are responsible for your dreams. If you spend your time hooked up to (a)social networking, are you really accomplishing your dreams? Perhaps, but that is for you to think about. After all, it is your life.

Manufacturing Envy through Facebook

2013-02-20T06:58:00.005-08:00

Manufacturing envy is perhaps the main reason why Facebook has become so huge. The fact that one can so-easily create envy using Facebook is in part why the site is incredibly addictive. The website, AddictionInfo.org states that such envy has a profound effect on other aspects of one’s life. It can lead to severe depression, self-loathing, rage, hatred, resentment, feelings of inferiority and insecurity, pessimism, suicidal tendencies and desires, social isolation, among others [3]. A study which was published in December 2012 found the more time college students spent on Facebook, the worse they felt about their own lives. Yet many people refuse to let go. The website has a hold on many lives, even though people are starting to understand that psychologically, being "on" Facebook is not healthy.

When one sees the accomplishments of people in their day to day lives (outside of Facebook), they see them in the light of what they actually see before them. However, what one sees on Facebook are distorted versions of those accomplishments, worded in the light of the author who has "accomplished" them. Such events are often warped in a way which alters them from the realm of truth to the realm of fiction. This means that the person who talks about their accomplishments is often no more than a bragger, trying to get themselves positive exposure. We often see our own accomplishments and lives in a positive light, and we definitely want others to see us in a positive light, therefore, people will and do advertise and talk about their lives as if they are perfect -- even if they are not. There is often a cascading effect on Facebook where individuals will compete for the imaginary title of who has the best (or most enviable) life. This leads to a lot of competition between certain individuals. A bystander is often a friend with one of these competing individuals, but not friends with that other person who the individual is engaged in direct competition with. The bystander sees a grandiose but fictional account of this person’s life and feels intense jealousy. There is no basis in reality for many of the claims that are made on (a)social networking. Some claims are outright lies.

Facebook Prostitution?

Such outright lies include the emerging trend of purchasing romantic partners via Facebook. Services have begun to emerge that allow a Facebook user to purchase a fake girlfriend (or boyfriend) for a short duration (usually a week) for a monetary sum. This individual’s sole purpose is to create jealousy in the lives of other Facebook users. For a period of time, such as a week, the purchased romantic interest will post on your wall and act like one’s romantic partner. Many have reported that the service indeed does what it is intended to do - make one’s ‘friends’ jealous. To add insult to the matter is the fact that the purchased girlfriend is no more than pixels herself. The real individual is generally not who appears in the picture. In reality all one has purchased is a fraud. The person in the picture may not realize that their image and likeness is being used in such a matter, or the picture itself could be merely found on the internet and distorted in such a way that the individual does not even exist in the first place.

It is quite easy to distort reality through Facebook. This is due to the fact that we all see the world through a different lens. We all have our own experiences and thought patterns that paint the world in a different light. One perceives their life in a different manner than they perceive the lives of others. Many people outright believe that their life is more exciting than the lives of their friends. This is natural. After all, we have only lived one life -- our own. However, when we look at the fictional lives of others on the internet, we start to have our worldview distorted. How can we expect to live up to the fictional lives of others? In the end, one exists in a fictional universe while on Facebook. The danger is not in the fact that Facebook but is mere fantasy, but that many (and almost all) perceive this fictional world to be real. People believe that others lives, even if in a state of detritus, are actually made of solid gold.

One's existence on Facebook has real consequences. Unhealthy consequences. The psychological trauma that Facebook causes exists in all of its users -- whether one will admit it or not. The cold hard reality is that those who deny that Facebook is damaging are in cold stark denial. Trading one’s real living hours for hours spent in a virtual world where many are duped into believing they are seeing truth and reality is not beneficial for anyone.

Study: Facebook Makes Users Envious and Dissatisfied

2013-02-15T10:12:00.002-08:00

Here is an interesting study that has recently been conducted that shows the correlation between Facebook and envy. I have found envy myself when using the site. After reading an interesting story -- and subject of a future post -- that individuals can purchase a "fake girlfriend" for a period of time on Facebook, I started to realize that much of what I was seeing and reading on Facebook was indeed false. Reality is constantly distorted on Facebook. The result, for many, however, is intense envy and anger. Much of this anger is directed at the self. Is this healthy? I do not think so.

Yet, the sole purpose of purchasing a girlfriend on Facebook is to create envy in the minds of your 'friends'. Has Facebook reduced your life satisfaction or caused you to feel considerable envy? If so, please share in the comment field below.

---Facebook Makes Users Envious and Dissatisfied---

Participation in social networks, such as Facebook, can cause negative feelings and reduce members’ life satisfaction. Those are the results of a survey with nearly 600 Facebook users by Information Systems scientists at the TU Darmstadt and the Humboldt-Universität zu Berlin.

In a joint research study conducted by the Department of Information Systems of the TU Darmstadt (Prof. Dr. Peter Buxmann) and the Institute of Information Systems of the Humboldt-Universität zu Berlin (Dr. Hanna Krasnova), Facebook members were surveyed regarding their feelings after using the platform.

More than one-third of respondents reported predominantly negative feelings, such as frustration. The researchers identified that envying their “Facebook friends” is the major reason for this result.

Project manager Dr. Hanna Krasnova, who is currently a postdoctoral researcher at the Humboldt-Universität, explained that, “Although respondents were reluctant to admit feeling envious while on Facebook, they often presumed that envy can be the cause behind the frustration of “others” on this platform – a clear indication that envy is a salient phenomenon in the Facebook context. Indeed, access to copious positive news and the profiles of seemingly successful ‘friends’ fosters social comparison that can readily provoke envy. By and large, online social networks allow users unprecedented access to information on relevant others – insights that would be much more difficult to obtain offline.”

Those who do not engage in any active, interpersonal communications on social networks and primarily utilize them as sources of information, e.g. reading friends’ postings, checking news feeds, or browsing through photos, are particularly subject to these painful experiences.

Envying Facebook friends leads to a vicious “envy spiral”

Another result of the survey was that about one-fifth of all recent online / offline events that had provoked envy among the respondents took place within a Facebook context. This reveals a colossal role of this platform in users’ emotional life. Paradoxically, envy can frequently lead to users embellishing their Facebook profiles, which, in turn, provokes envy among other users, a phenomenon that the researchers have termed “envy spiral.”

The leading online and offline envy provokers in Germany are related to “Travel and Leisure”. As Dr. Thomas Widjaja of the TU-Darmstadt, who was also involved in the project, put it, “This is a result of numerous vacation photos posted on Facebook, which are particularly popular among German users.”

Facebook envy fosters dissatisfaction

Based on the survey data, the researchers were also able to establish a negative link between the envy that arises while on Facebook and users’ general life satisfaction. Indeed, passive use of Facebook heightens invidious emotions that, in turn, adversely affect users’ satisfaction with their lives. Coauthor Helena Wenninger of the TU-Darmstadt argued that, “Considering the fact that Facebook use is a worldwide phenomenon and envy is a universal feeling, a lot of people are subject to these painful consequences.”

The results of the survey will be presented at the “11th International Conference Wirtschaftsinformatik (Information Systems)” to be held in Leipzig, Germany, February 27 through March 1, 2013. The researchers plan to conduct a follow-on survey that will explore the effects of Facebook use on envy and its consequences within various cultures.

This story was originally published at http://www.tu-darmstadt.de/vorbeischauen/aktuell/ni_63808.en.jsp

The Virtue of Privacy and of Being a Private Person

2013-02-08T09:33:00.003-08:00

I am a private person. I don't feel the need to share my life with the world. In fact, I have found that I have done much more with my life since I stopped sharing my every life detail with others. However, I have also found that many people do not understand how a person can not desire to share everything they do with the world. This presents an interesting dilemma for many. I have found that, as a truly private person, I have no place on Facebook.

At one time I shared my not-so-exciting life with others over the internet. I once had a Facebook account, a Myspace, and blog in which I talked all about my boring life and what was happening with it. I found that when I would say something that other people did not like or did not agree with, it came back to haunt me. Sometimes the results were just plain scary. The people I knew, on one hand, thought that I should share everything about my life with them. This was partly due to the fact that I was quite young when I moved out of my home and I moved quite far from the rest of my family. I found, however, that when I shared my life with others, there was much questioning about it. Many people came up to their own conclusions about my life, many of which were erroneous. Therefore, I began to slowly realize that sharing my life was not for me.

I have always enjoyed writing, both fiction and non-fiction. I have found that my writings are well received by those who I do not know, but those who I do know either do not care to read what I write, or they are offended by what they read between the lines. At one time I shared my writings with family and friends, but often this was met with angry responses about something or other. Sometimes these responses were not told directly to me, but I learned of them through another party. It was then I decided that I would withdraw as somewhat of an experiment. In fact, I found that it worked well. Writing without wondering what others would think or say made me stop worrying and caring. Instead, I focused on the writing and began to write for a new audience. I must say, it was exciting.

Talking to other writers, I find that I am not alone in having my work appreciated by other people but not by those who are close to me. For example, many bloggers state that their family does not read their blogs or that they do not understand the point to blogging. Much work goes into creating blogs and stories, and it's a shame that family members do not understand that such works are a creative endeavor that says a lot more about a person than what someone says on a Facebook account. Yet, people expect you to be on Facebook. In fact, I have found that it angers some that I am not on the site. What one writes on Facebook is rarely a creative endeavor, and if it is, it is not of the same caliber as a longer written work. I found that everything I wrote on Facebook was read, scrutinized, and taken apart. Some of the things I wrote which were not meant to offend got so twisted around that I was on the receiving end of a nasty lashing of the tongue (so to speak).

I am not alone here. I have known people who are on Facebook who are constantly getting a lashing. Part of me thinks that these individuals are masochists, because they don't feel the need to end their involvement in (a)social networking and begin a psychologically healthier life. Instead, they feel a duty to be on it and share every essence of their lives with those who will take notice. The draw of watching other people or maintaining "virtual" friendships is so strong that many can not even begin to hope to escape. It is sad that they feel this way. I liken it to a sickness, because I strongly believe that this is not the optimal way to lives one's life. I also believe if something is not optimal, then the best method should instead be applied. The result, of course, is to leave the site. Of course, this is not what those who have a financial stake in the world of (a)social networking want you to realize. That's right: (a)social networking is a business, and to exist, it requires on you being on the site. Many people forget this and think that Facebook was created for "fun."

When I woke up to the reality that sharing my life with others was not for me, I realized that my life began to flourish. I realized that I shared too much with others, and pulled back on the reins, so to speak. I realized, however, that leaving Facebook would amount to little good if I was still to share everything I did through blogs and other writings. Therefore, I got rid of them. Of course, this may not work for everyone, but I felt happier and more sure of myself as a person once I stopped sharing my life with those who are 'far away'. I found that I was less creative and more lethargic about life as a whole when I was sharing my writings and creations with those who only scrutinized them. I found that being on Facebook is often a vehicle for others to watch you and keep you within their gaze. It is comforting to some to know that they watch you. Can you imagine the horror that many would feel if one day you were no longer on Facebook? This dependence on Facebook is part of the problem why many people are so addicted, and why there is much anger when a person disappears from the site.

I am a very private person. I believe that keeping my life to myself is the best way to live my life. This does not mean that I won't tell people about anything in my life. It does mean, however, that I will not expel energy to proclaim to the world every small thing I do. Some of my writings are best reserved for those who are strangers to me. Many of my writings should not be scrutinized by those who are close to me. Every member of my extended family does not need to know everything I eat, everywhere I go, and every event that happens in my life. There have to be some things that we keep to ourselves -- some things that we keep sacred. Life is not about keeping secrets, but it's not about telling everything to others either. I have found that I have often told too much about myself and my life over the internet, and only came to regret it in the end. Facebook was one of those ways that easily allowed me to say far too much. I never felt comfortable telling the world about the small details of my life. Much of it is nobodies business. Other things only cause one, in the end, to feel negative emotions. I felt no want to make people jealous of my life through (a)social networking. I felt that competing with people over the internet that I once knew well, but now barely know, was a foolish endeavor. Such a site is a bastion for those who feel the need to be the center of the world's attention. That was always antithetical to who I was. I feel no need to embark on such a journey.

Many of the world's shapers are private people. One can not create great things while spending their lives talking about every small thing that they do. The greatest creations happen in the shadows, in the quiet places where creation thrives. Few great things happen when one is busy sharing every small detail to the world. For example, I have found that those who talk about writing a book are less likely to write one than those who just go to work writing it without sharing it to the world. A critique of one's work can be good, but that should be saved until the end, when the draft is complete and the work is ready to be revised.. Many people on Facebook proudly proclaim the great things that they have planned, but very few actually do those great things they talk about. Talking about doing something and doing something are two different things. Generally they are two distinct things that never actually meet.

Being a private person is a positive thing that is respected less and less in a noisy world. Our world is obsessed with the idea of sharing one's lives at all times. The modern world tends to elevate the loud and the bold. If people are talking about you, then you are on top. As a result, people compete to be seen and heard. It is not by virtue of a great creation that many thrive to be noticed. Instead, it is through various methods of being seen. Whether it is by throwing a temper tantrum on the internet or through saying something that has great shock value, our culture says "you are great if you are noticed." It is through Facebook that many people get their 'fifteen minutes of fame.' However, once many join the site, their outside lives stop and they are merely a spectacle for those who take notice. There is a cost to being a private person, a psychological cost that is rooted deep in our culture. We believe we want to be seen and it can eat at us. However, the benefits of being a private person -- free to live one's own life, free to create, and free to shape our own future without the constant scrutinizing gaze of the world -- is far greater than the reality of being a slave to (a)social networking.

Screenlocked

2013-02-01T07:59:00.001-08:00

Our population is screenlocked. We have an obsession with staring at small screens. We are so captivated by them that we barely can control this primal urge to stare at a screen whenever we have the chance. As little as ten years ago people used to interact with others or looked where they were walking. However, today there is a burning obsession with staring at a glowing screen. It is something that I have fought to resist.

I will admit I was intrigued where I first heard of the iPhone. I had an iPod and really enjoyed it. I really enjoy listening to music and the idea of being able to use the internet while listening to my favorite songs on the go was a huge appeal to me. However, when I saw the monthly cost of owning an iPhone, I said "no way." Being frugally minded, the idea of signing up for a two year contract and pay $60-80 a month made no sense to me. Actually, it sounded asinine. I am not that fond of using the phone, and the idea of being connected every moment via a cell phone is truly harrowing to me.

I watched as people waited in line and obsessed over this product. I could not help but feel somewhat turned off at the idea of people literally spending days in line for this thing. What really made my stomach turn was watching it happen over and over again, year after year. Every time a new iPhone is released a new line forms. What really blows my mind is that people will stand in line for a new phone with barely any changes while they have last year's model in hand. Many will let go of $300-400 just to be the first to have it. And what's the point?

I must say, when I see this going on, my faith in humanity starts to fall a little. I can somewhat understand people being excited about the first model, but when a model adds a few new features, is a tiny bit lighter, but otherwise is the same thing, I don't understand waiting in line.

Cellular phone addiction is huge among our population.

What really made me feel sick was the story about the young Chinese kid that traded his kidney for an iPhone and an iPad. Last I read, this kid was unable to make it to court on allegations of illegal organ sales due to health issues. Why would a person trade an internal organ, and their health, for something so silly? While this seems extreme, I can't help but wonder how many people would do the same thing if they were offered. What if he drops that thing and busts the screen? What about when it starts to not work, or goes obsolete? Will he even survive that long? Why trade your life or health for a material good? Are people forgetting that it is life, and not these things, that is important?

Actions speak louder than words, and I tend to believe that many people forget what is important. I constantly see people ignoring each other in order to stare at a cell phone screen. Whether it is on the bus or during class, people are obsessed with paying attention to what is written on a screen than paying attention to what is in front of them. Whether it's to be (a)social through Facebook or to play Angry Birds, people are glued to cell phones.

Our society is screen obsessed. Whether it's walking into a building and seeing a row of televisions playing the news, or to starting at a phone, people can't get enough. Is this a healthy way to live? Isn't it important to take quiet time without these things to reflect. There is nothing wrong with owning these products, or even using them to sometimes pass the time, but when these things start to own you, there is a serious problem.

Will you be in line when the iPhone 6 comes out? Share your thoughts in the comment field below.

What to tell people when they ask "why are you not on Facebook?"

2013-01-25T07:53:00.002-08:00

Even though I have been off of Facebook for almost a year, I still am often told "I have not seen you on Facebook lately." Other times I am outright asked, "why are you not on Facebook?" I often give a short answer that I don't feel that the site is beneficial for me or that I don't see a point in using Facebook. Many people just look at me with a strange expression on their face as if this is hard to compute for them. I have come to the conclusion that it is not easy to give a clear reason why I am not on Facebook in a short amount of words. Therefore, I have written this as what I would like to say when asked, "Why do you not use Facebook?"

***

There are many reasons I do not use Facebook. First, After years of using what I like to call (a)social networking, I realized that I was not getting much out of it. Sure, I could keep in touch with family members and friends, and at first it was a good way to keep in touch with other people. However, as time progressed I realized that there was little actual interaction between friends and family as they got used to each others presence on the site. Facebook had turned merely into a way to put ones life on display. I have absolutely no need to put my life on display for other people.

I have found that many people tie their self-esteem to how others perceive them. If they are not constantly getting attention they seem to feel that they are not worth much as a person. With the competition between people and the constant barrage of status updates, one has to try harder than ever to be seen. What you have now are people that share every small detail of their lives on the internet, from what they ate for dinner to what their smallest pet peeves are. You have people trying to assert their religious and political beliefs on one another, and if there is a disagreement, even a small one, a battle easily ensues.

Being on Facebook is not healthy. One becomes obsessive about the site, feeling the need to check it constantly. While at school during lectures I see people constantly on Facebook, minimizing the page when they need to type notes and opening it seconds later while the professor is speaking. People compulsively feel the urge to log on no matter where they are. One thinks about the site and what others said as they go throughout their day. At work, individuals glance at Facebook while a supervisor is not looking. At home families ignore each other, posting on Facebook instead of interacting. Such addiction is not beneficial in the slightest. If you claim that you are not addicted to Facebook but feel the need to use it on a regular basis, you may want to reevaluate your use of the site.

The biggest reason I left Facebook was that I wanted more out of my life. I have noticed that many people who I knew as creative types seemed to lose much of their creativity after they become users of Facebook. Many individuals no longer feel the need to improve their skills in various hobbies, create things, or improve their lives. Instead, hours are spent on Facebook, engaging in arguments, bragging, and spying on others. Instead of being a productive person and realizing one's dreams, I notice many people instead opt to assess themselves and where they stand in life by comparing themselves to other Facebook users. As if it is the Facebook users that they should be comparing themselves to. This is not how I want to live my life. This is why I am not on Facebook.

I strongly feel that Facebook and (a)social networking has damaged the way people interact and how people spend their time. Many people can not even sit through a college lecture without opening their phone or logging onto Facebook on their laptop. Even though their grade depends on what they learn, many people find that using Facebook is far more important than increasing their intellectual capabilities. Actions are stronger than words, and the actions of many that use Facebook tell me that Facebook use is far more important to them than developing the self. Although one may say things on Facebook that make them appear to be worthy of envy, the truth is that if one is spending hours on Facebook, those hours are not being spent bettering the self, learning, discovering, improving abilities, creating, parenting, or becoming a productive individual.

With the foregoing in mind, it is obvious that I would not be on Facebook. Those who know me should realize that Facebook is not the type of place where I would want to spend my time. (A)social networking is, in the end, a waste of my time.

A New Year Without Facebook.

2013-01-21T14:12:00.003-08:00

It's a new year, time to slay Facebook once and for all.

I have talked to many people who state that they want to make a sweeping change to their life this year. That is great, I say. One should always try to better themselves and their lives. There is always room for improvement in everyone's life, no matter what. I know that there are some changes that I want to make in my own life.

One way in which people want to change their life is by not spending so much time on the internet. I, too, have battled internet addiction at times. It is too easy to ~~start your modem up~~ sit down in front of the computer or turn on your cell phone and aimlessly surf the internet. Time goes by remarkably fast when one is sitting in front of a computer screen like Jabba the Hut. In fact, I have noticed that the relationship between using the computer and weight gain is directly related. The more time I spend on the internet, the bigger and nastier I become. When I do step away from the computer, I find that sometimes I feel quite nasty.

If you are still hopelessly addicted to (a)social networking, log into Facebook and take a look at some of your pictures. Now go to the mirror and see if you look like you did in those pictures. Do you? If not, do you wish you did? Have you improved in looks since starting your use of Facebook, or do you feel repulsed by what you see?

The holidays are generally a time in which people put on a boatload of weight. Every year after drinking gallons of egg nog and eating bowls of cookies and crackers I notice that I literally put on pounds so I resemble a walrus. I am never happy with how I look once the new year rolls around. In fact, I often find myself jogging in place for about 20 seconds on New Year's day and making all sorts of resolutions. Granted, since I do walk around a lot and exercise, I lose some of the weight during the year. However, I gain it all back again during the winter months. Christmas time is just too delicious.

However, I have noticed that the weight gain goes up even faster the more I sit in front of the computer. Basking in the Facebook sun is going to do nothing for your body (or your mind). While your friends are posting the same ol' junk that they posted a year ago, you may be risking breaking the chair you are sitting on. While you are spying on your second cousin or your high school adversary, you are not doing anything to impress those around you. Sure, you may have come up with something snarky to say or something that could impress an internet acquaintance, but what is the real life cost of that? Who cares what people on Facebook think of you anyway? The truth is most people are concerned about themselves. Most people on Facebook are spending their time competing with their perception of others and not paying attention to anyone in particular other than themselves. Why are you even on there? Are you still getting anything off of that site?

Each year we get a little older and some of us wish we did something more with our lives. Some of us wish we could turn back the clock and take all that time that we wasted and have it to do something worthwhile with. Do you wish the same thing? Chances are if not, you will. There is no reason why you can not stop wasting your life on (a)social networking right now and make some goals. Create a list of the things that you really want to achieve this year.

Some of the things I want to do include:

1. Visit Egypt.
2. Graduate law school.
3. Write a book.
4. Go back home and see my family.
5. Eat healthier.
6. Be more active.

Of course, those goals should be fine tuned (they should be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-targeted). For example, goal 5 should have some specific ways in which I want to eat healthier. However, that is just an example of the things I want to do this year. Do you have any goals? Will Facebook get in the way of those goals? I know that it would get in the way of mine. The more you set out to do, the less you will want to use Facebook. Life is really worth so much more than merely being wasted on (a)social networking.

We are told: "You Need Facebook"

2012-12-21T06:12:00.002-08:00

Facebook is seen by many as a necessity of modern life. We are told, "it is important to be connected," or that "you have to have a Facebook account." We are asked about our (a)social network connections as if we are expected to automatically be connected. If we are not, we are questioned, being asked, "why don't you have a Facebook account?"

Perhaps this is due to the extrovert-centric world we live in. I still constantly hear family members talk about what they posted on Facebook or what someone else said. The reason I left Facebook was partly because I didn't care to hear this constant barrage of noise. Yet, I am still given people's status updates even though I am not on the site any longer. People feel that I should still somehow know what's going on. They feel that I should hear what has been posted on Facebook. They seem to think that it is as if I want these status updates. As if I somehow need these status updates.

I still hear how certain family members have posted pictures on Facebook and that it's "too bad I can't look at them." It is too bad. Not that I am not on Facebook, but that others feel that there is no need to share things with people who are not on Facebook. It is almost as if people who are not on Facebook are somehow being punished for not creating and maintaining an account. We are told, in essence, that "if you are not on Facebook, then you can not know about my life." I did not leave Facebook because I don't care about people. I left Facebook because I was sick of the "noise." I got sick of the constant barrage of stupidity that I saw on that site. I got sick of the time I spent using the site. I got sick of how I felt after I logged off. Not because I was jealous of others. No, because I could not believe the things that many would say. That I could not believe that I opted to use (a)social networking instead of improving my life. Like the woman in the video above, I felt like a used towel once I logged off Facebook. No person should have to feel like a used towel, ever.

I have noticed that some do not seem to care about improving their life. Life, to many, is showing off how "social" one can be. But is that what life is all about? What is gained by spending so much time on a website showing the world that you are "social?" Is it that important to thrust one's self out to the rest of the world? Is it that important to put your entire life on stage? Do you really need all your friends to know where you checked into via FourSquare? Do you really need all your friends to know what your food looked like? Do you really need the world to know what building you are in?

There is a lot of talk about the end of the world happening today. I am sure that's another hot topic of Facebook, and one that I am glad I don't have to see. It seems to me that these kinds of topics are just a waste of time. The world will still be around after today ends, yet millions of people will have wasted countless amounts of time discussing the possibility that it will end. It all comes down to more time wasted on Facebook.

Does it matter how a person spends ones time? Who am I to say how a person should spend their free time? One could argue that it is in fact none of my business. To be honest, it is not. However, many people could benefit from stopping for a moment and reflecting on how much time they pour into Facebook and other (a)social network sites. There is a serious problem when families stop interacting with each other off the internet, when people begin to trade the outside world for that which is happening on their cell phone, and when people feel that everybody should join these sites. A person only has so long to live. I ask: when you look back on your life, are you going to be happy with how you spent it? We have the whole world around us to enjoy. Why spend life glued to a small device? Why spend so much time on a website that gives back little of substance?

If you are on Facebook because of the mistaken belief that it is a necessity, you may want to rethink your choice. Facebook is only seen as a necessity because it is advertised that way. Facebook exists to make money. In order to make money, Facebook must have many people addicted to the site. (Another recent study has shown that Facebook is addictive)[1]. Without those people, Facebook ceases to exist. The world will still go on. Just as the world will go on tomorrow. Your world doesn't have to end with Facebook. It's your choice.

Sources:

[1] University of Bergen, Facebook Addiction Study http://www.uib.no/news/nyheter/2012/05/new-research-about-facebook-addiction

Self-Expression and (a)Social Networking

2012-12-14T13:49:00.001-08:00

Facebook's claim to fame: manufacturing jealousy.

With the holidays approaching, I have been hearing how (a)social network sites like Facebook and the highly-worthless Twitter (scourge of the internet) are replacing greeting cards. I have noticed, over the years, that Christmas cards are not as popular as they once were. I am not a huge "Christmas card" fanatic, but it is interesting to see that people are taking to using (a)social media to say "happy holidays" instead of sending out a card or taking a, what one might call, more thoughtful approach that singles out another individual and shows that they care.

(A)social network sites also seem to be devaluing expression as a whole. I have taken particular notice in the last few years that people are spending less time on expressing themselves on a deep level (such as through creating) and instead use (a)social networks to "express" themselves. This may not seem like a big deal to some, who are busy with their lives, or who feel that there is no time to express one's self. However, I think that self expression is an important part of one's life. Limiting one's self-expression through (a)social networking, or even the internet, is not good for a person's psychological well being.

Self-expression is key to understanding and asserting yourself and your own uniqueness to the world. While some may argue that it is fine to limit all of your self-expression to Facebook, the truth is, that is not good at all. In fact, it's very limiting, and is, frankly, somewhat depressing. Facebook, contrary to what some may say, is not much of a form of self-expression. Being on Facebook is more akin to trying to yell louder than everyone else to get yourself seen by more people. Why else did Facebook roll out a way for people to pay to have their post at the top? People exist on Facebook largely to assert that they are living a better and more exciting life than others. That is not healthy self-expression. That is oftentimes no better than bragging. Further, many people have reported feeling down on themselves because they feel that their lives are not as exciting as others on Facebook. That is sad, because everyone is unique, and anyone can have an exciting life.

I have found that the people who claim to have the best lives on Facebook are the ones who are on Facebook the most. That does not sound like a very exciting life to me. The idea of living my life on Facebook terrifies me. One can not do much with their time on this Earth if they are busy posting status updates and trying to outdo others on an (a)social networking site.

There is nothing wrong with spending time alone.

One's self expression should not always be put on stage. There is something about expressing one's self through writing or drawing, or in other forms of creating, even if nobody else sees that creation. We live in a time where one feels that they have to share everything with the world. One should not feel compelled to have to share every small thing in their life with the world on Facebook. However, many do. Many are obsessed with the idea of the world being more "transparent" (one of those current buzzwords which is overused). Many people are alright with there being very little privacy in the world. For these types, there is nothing wrong with Facebook, only something wrong with those who are not on Facebook. Many think that if you are not on Facebook, you are a sociopath or have something to hide. Some people can not comprehend that some people value their privacy enough to not be on Facebook. While many think that not being on Facebook is devious or somehow unhealthy, others are aware that being on Facebook and other (a)social networking sites is unhealthy. There is nothing good about feeling compelled to compete with people who otherwise would have probably been strangers. There is nothing good about having to "prove" yourself to the world when you should be happy with who you are.

Yet, I have found that many people who are on Facebook are often unhappy with themselves. This is not true of everyone, but for those heavy users of Facebook, I find that they judge themselves in a negative light when compared to others. Many people do not think that they are an alright human being when they compare themselves with the so-called "exciting" life that others try to project. Yet, the "exciting" lives that others project is often a façade. Contrary to what you hear from many, the heavy users on Facebook are the ones who are often (a)social (hence the apt term, (a)social networking). These are the ones who are the most unhappy with their lives. They could get a lot out of leaving Facebook behind and coming back to the real world, where they can learn to love themselves again. They would be perhaps happier with themselves and their accomplishments if they put the amount of time they use on Facebook towards to building a better life for themselves.

I have seen Facebook destroy many a person's creativity. I have seen people join Facebook to become lethargic about the outside world. They let the lives of others end their life. If they would leave (a)social networking behind and come back to the world that they were once creative in, they would no doubt be happier with their life.

Garnishing Pity Through (a)Social Networking

2012-12-08T08:02:00.002-08:00

If there is one thing that people love about the internet, it's the fact that the internet makes it very easy for a person to complain. Whether it's about one's life, about the state of the world, or about other people, there's no other place to complain quite like the internet. I have found that (a)social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter make it all too easy for one to complain about the perceived realities of one's life.

There are winners and "losers" in the world. Winners tend to have a positive outlook on life. Oftentimes, instead of complaining, they focus their energies into creating something and changing their life. If life deals them an unsavory hand, the winners will oftentimes go make sure that they can change their life.

"Losers" on the other hand (a word I don't care for much, but it fits in this context), complain about life. No matter what happens, there is always something negative which can possibly bring them pity from others. When things get rough, these people often will complain to no end about it. When there is an opportunity to get out of the hole that the complainer is in, they don't always climb out, but instead they find that (a)social networking sites and the internet as a whole is a therapeutic place to complain. However, their complaining oftentimes gets drowned out by the complaining of others who also lament their lot in life.

My Experience with this on Facebook

When I left Facebook, I noticed that many of my "friends" were very negative about their lives. Not just about one issue, but about everything that can be imagined. Oftentimes, being negative on Facebook brings attention. One of my "friends" used her negativity to garnish sympathy from others. Oftentimes (about once every couple of months) she would state "I am going to get rid of people on my Facebook unless you tell me you want to be friends still." This was her way of crying out to the world for attention. Her life has, in many ways, stagnated since she began Facebook. She gets what she wants out of site and will probably never leave the world of (a)social networking behind.

I have found that people are not only overly negative on sites like Facebook, but all over the internet. Many internet forums are rife with individuals complaining about their life, the economy, and anything else they can think of. Many people would find that their lives were not so horrible if they tried to change their lives. Instead, they see that wallowing in self-pity is a lot easier for them than making their life better. I have seen internet forums were people have pretty much given up trying in life because other people who complain constantly could not or did not get ahead in life. I have been to websites where a person who does get ahead and succeed in life is called a liar or a bragger, and where the complainers say that he/she is an "anomaly" and one should "not expect similar results."

Facebook is a prime play place for complainers and those who are not happy with their lives. Now, let me say not everyone on Facebook is like this, and some of my friends on the site were pretty positive people. However, as a whole, I found there was a lot more negativity on Facebook. Whether it was in the form of politics (the world is going to hell) or in the form of "my life is awful."

One issue that I often see that is apparent in people who are upset about their lives is that they oftentimes believe that life is "randomly generated." Many people hope that tomorrow will bring them better luck or an opportunity. Instead of trying to seek out opportunities, many individuals instead just wait for them to appear. Sadly, opportunities rarely just come about. Oftentimes opportunities are created.

For those who are on Facebook, opportunities seem to come less often. Why? Because, sitting on Facebook is a very passive way to live life. Instead of actively trying to better your life through learning, doing things, creating, and engaging in the outside world, the Facebook obsessee is living his/her life through (a)social networking. Opportunities rarely manifest themselves when one is busy (a)socializing through Facebook. Living a passive life is not going to bring one much success. Living life through Facebook and the internet is perhaps the most passive life one can live.

A winner's outlook on life is generally positive.

Whining on the internet does not do anyone any good. The whiner only convinces him/herself more that he/she is powerless and can not change their life. Those who see others whining are often compelled to do the same. By beholding such whining constantly, we feel down on our own lives. If one constantly reads things that are negative about life, they will undoubtedly start to develop a negative attitude of their own. I believe this is one reason why Facebook seemed to become a more and more negative place right before I left it. I found that I often felt angry at myself for spending time on the site. I would think about the negative aspects about it later. I become judgmental, angry, and sometimes lethargic about life when I used the site. It was only when I let go that I really saw my life start to change. Leaving Facebook alone won't change your life. A new attitude is important. Getting rid of the negativity will help. In fact, if you are trying to become a more positive person, you should probably leave Facebook. The site is rife with negativity that will consume you. Spend a week off the site. I am sure you will notice a difference.

A Future With (a)Social Networking?

2012-12-04T12:15:00.000-08:00

What do you want your future to look like? Do you have goals, dreams and desires which you one day hope to obtain? Or are you drifting aimlessly through life? Is life comprised of waking up, checking your Facebook and Twitter, then going to bed? If so, you are not alone. Many people currently live life on autopilot, basing everything on what they see on Facebook, Twitter, and other (a)social media. Yet, (a)social networking is said to be "fun" and "necessary."

Now that the Pope has joined Twitter (@ponifax) there is something for everyone it seems. Instead of going to Church, why not just listen to a 140 character sermon? In fact, the pope will be answering religious questions via Twitter in the next few days. How great!

The reality is, if you are basing your life on (a)social networking, you are wasting your life.

Ask yourself what you have accomplished since joining Facebook. Ask yourself what your "Facebook friends" have accomplishes on Facebook? Have their lives resulted in a virtual standstill? Are they achieving or stagnating? I bet you a quarter it's the latter. Now that the pope will be delivering a Twitter sermon, we should all hope and pray that these sites end sooner than later. What is the world coming to where faith is fueled by Tweets? Twitter and Facebook together comprise the biggest piles of garbage on the internet. The 'misinformation pollution' that results from these sites is HORRENDOUS! Sadly, people eat the stuff up, often basing their whole lives around what they hear and read on Facebook! How ludicrous!

What did you imagine the future to be like when you were a wee little child?

"I spent another whole day on Facebook/Twitter."

When I was a child, reading issues of Nintendo Power and dabbling in new technologies, I imagined the future world to be something incredible! Flying cars, musical instruments that played themselves, less pollution and other such ideas filled my young naive head. I never thought about (a)social networking. In fact, I never once dreamed that society would be glued to their cell phones twenty four hours a day. I never imagined that people would communicate through sites like Twitter and spy on their high school class via Facebook. Looking back at what I imagined the world to be and how it turned out disgusts me. Sometimes I believe I was born in the wrong time. I can't help but hold hope for a future without these disgusting sites, but the reality is that such a future may be far off.

There is something innate about human nature where one craves to compare themselves with other people. The internet makes that all too easy. For those who say Facebook and Twitter are about "staying in touch," they are lying to themselves. Facebook is a spy tool. A way to compare yourself to your friends and enemies. It's a way to tell yourself that you are better than some, worse than others. Facetwit allows you to place yourself on a hierarchy where you and your 'friends' are all listed. Did you do something funner than your brother-in-law this weekend? Did your baby happen to make the cutest face? Did your dinner get the most likes? Did your quasi-offensive joke get noticed? Was that $7 you paid to make it get more noticed well spent?

Facebook and Politics

I can't even imagine the hell that was Facebook this political season. I was, gladly, not a part of Facebook during the height of the Romney versus Obama arguments that basically shut down the internet. I heard stories of some people in my family talking about it being "the end of the world" if one was elected. They actually believed this and made it known on Facebook! I can't even imagine shuffling through all that. Yet, many people really enjoy going off about politics on Facebook. It's a futile pastime. You won't change anyone's mind, and you are going to look like an idiot trying to.

Politics, actually, was part of the reason I left Facebook. I noticed many of my "friends" becoming obsessed about conspiracy theories, which became the hallmark of Facebook about a year ago. One issue was the Occupy Wall Street protests, which ignited Facebook. I could not help but wonder why those who were against corporate greed were on Facebook. I could not help but wonder why those who were so adamant about freedom were on a website that has incredibly shady policies in regards to information sharing.

What do you want your future to look like?

Do you want a future where you are still glued to Facebook? What did you do yesterday, anyway?

"Just one more tweet..."

Did you blow a few hours on Twitter? Did you spy on your ex on Facebook? Did you honestly believe that Facetwit was making you a better person? If so, I am sincerely sorry. There is no reason for you to literally blow through a day, hour, or even a minute on those sites. The garbage of the internet. The dregs of society.

By the way, it won't be the pope himself that is tweeting. You see, people with lives have no real place on these sites. Twitter and Facebook don't make one greater, they instead make one stagnate. If you want to get anywhere in life, you may want to step back from Facetwit and instead think of the goals and dreams you have for your own life and go towards them. If anything, Facebook/Twitter is a procrastination machine. It's time to turn 'em off.

The New Myspace

2012-11-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

If you are getting sick of Facebook, and I imagine many people are becoming at least somewhat bored of it, then maybe the "new" Myspace will be what you are looking for. It seems that (a)social networking sites are becoming somewhat a flavor of the month thing as of late. Will Facebook be able to hold on when the site that was once king re-brands itself? Or will people do what they did with Google Plus and end up pretty much ignoring it? After all, Google Plus hardly was much of a success in the way it was expected to be, even though Google Plus seems in a variety of ways to be superior to Facebook. According to Techradar.com:

The new Myspace isn't trying to compete with Facebook or Twitter; it's got its sights more firmly trained on Spotify and Rdio – and, to a lesser extent, Flickr. And, sort of, portfolio sites. Plus, kind of, dating sites.

Basically, there's a lot going on and it's difficult to know exactly where to start.

The new site leans heavily on images, music and video; users stamp their mark on a profile with a giant cover photo – minimum resolution is 1024x768 - add a profile song, 'connect' to artists, albums and people and nose through contacts' playlists and music mixes.

An ever-present player at the bottom of the screen shows your now playing and the play queue for songs you're streaming from Myspace's impressively-well-stocked music library.

These 'connections' then populate the users' side-scrolling news feed and profiles.
Source: http://www.techradar.com/news/internet/new-myspace-unveiled-ahead-of-2013-launch-1113083

I must say, that sounds just downright exciting! I imagine that some people are going to be intrigued when this site comes rolling out in 2013. Perhaps with the excitement the whole internet will crash for a day or two. To be honest, the site looks better than Facebook, but then again, so does a rawhide bone that a dog has been chewing at for a month. With that being said, however, there is one thing that Facebook has that the new Myspace probably won't: the grandma factor.

Around the time that Myspace began its downward spiral, many people who had never signed up for the site, often those who were thought of as less computer savvy, started to show up on Facebook. Many members of my family who I never would have imagined using Myspace started to create accounts on the site that shall be lovingly called Zuckerburg's Folly. These people are the kind of people who feel that Facebook is somewhat good for staying in touch (their younger loved ones don't do so well keeping in contact with them off the internet). I would be very surprised if many of these people made their way to the new Myspace.

I kind of want the new Myspace to succeed.

It may sound strange, but if the new Myspace takes away some of Facebook's market share, we may see the decline of the (a)social giant. Further, it may be the start of (a)social networks being a thing of the past. Having one behemoth that controls the entire (a)social network world is not a good thing. I would rather see a ton of little guys fight for the top spot, in a dog-eat-dog sort of way then see Facebook's name everywhere. I say, let the new Myspace feed of Facebook for a while.

Another reason why a new Myspace site may do well is due to the fact that Facebook has irked some people in the last couple of years. Many people are not fans of Facebook's mindless crusade against privacy and the fact that Facebook is hellbent on making the world a more "transparent" place. Others do not like the constant barrage of security flaws, including the recent one: A security hole that allowed anyone to see the email addresses corresponding to certain Facebook accounts. "Worse yet, some appear to be accessible without even entering a password. However, a Facebook engineer now says that the company has disabled the feature that created the hole." (Source). Many people don't like the idea that Facebook can and may be selling people's account information. Others are not happy that Facebook is starting to charge for new features, such as making certain status updates more visible. Of course, one can not forget that there are some investors that are irked to the bone that they spent a fortune gambling on what was quite possibly the worst IPO of all time ($45 high, $17.55 low).

The new Myspace may appeal to those who yearn for a return back to the "golden age" of (a)social networking, when the idea was new, and people were signing up left and right for their very own Myspace accounts. Myspace is somewhat retro now and some will no doubt want to rekindle the magic that has been long lost in the world of (a)social networking. With that being said, there is no magic to rekindle. The only magic that existed was when Myspace went down and Tom frantically tried to fix it, allowing one to actually go talk to other people in personum. Now, for me, that was indeed the golden age of (a)social networking.

Twitter: A Failure

2012-11-14T08:29:00.001-08:00

I have a dark secret. For a while I was using Twitter to get the word out about this blog. Not only do I still fail to see the point of Twitter, but I found myself too upset at the character restriction (140 characters), and in the end, I only saw it as noise. In the end, I found myself feeling angry at even using the site, and decided that "enough was enough." "How can this be addicting?" I wondered. "This is horrible," I concluded

Upon signing up for Twitter, I immediately realized that most of the information posted was irrelevant. People were overly obsessive about (a)social networking and politics and "news." Some people perhaps made their way to Twitter in the first place due to media persuasion. It's no secret that Twitter is everywhere in the media. Newspapers now routinely publish articles about the tweets of so-called celebrities (and for some reason, people seem to care). During Hurricane Sandy I was constantly reminded of Twitter and what certain people were saying about the storm, as if that stuff really matters.

When the media pushes something like Twitter as hard as it does, I can't help but push back. There is no reason for a person to be glued to that site. Seriously, I just can't get myself to see the point of it. Maybe that's because I don't use a cell phone (I have one, but don't use the internet on it). Maybe that's because I don't see the point in sitting in front of the computer and flushing away hours with nothing to show for it. How one spends time is related to their quality of life. If you are throwing away your time on sites like Twitter and Facebook, chances are you are going to end up lacking in another department. In short, your life is going to go down the toilet.

Therefore, I realized that I truly have no place on Twitter. I will not be using that "service" to advertise this site. Therefore, it will become a grass roots website where the information gets out via word of mouth. If you like what you read here, feel free to share it with your family and friends. Please help get the word out. There is a great life waiting outside of these websites, but many people are not going to go after it. Many will be content living their lives on sites like Twitter and Facebook, either waiting for someone to say something so they can reply, or waiting for another to comment on their last status update. To me that sounds like a horrible way to live. In fact, I know it is: I have lived it. I've been there and did not like how I felt after blowing hours on Facebook and more recently Twitter. To this day, I see people spending an entire class period on Facebook instead of listening to a professor's lecture. What is the point?

In sum, a few of the reasons I could not get myself to continue to use Twitter were:

I found it to be a pointless waste of time.
Too much "noise" on the site. In other words, a lot of talking, little to no "listening."
The 140 character limit makes it very hard to get anything meaningful across.
In sum, the site came across as a waste of time when I looked back on time spent.
Most information was "irrelevant." I could care less about what celebrities say on Twitter.
If the cost of advertising a site through Twitter is babysitting a profile for hours, the cost is not worth it.
No proof that people actually read other people's "tweets."
Twitter seem as the kind of place for those already addicted to (a)social networking. People locked and loaded with comments about how Twitter is amazing. Yes, we get it. You're on Twitter and you love yourself for it.
Twitter is a dumbed down Facebook and Facebook already is "dumbed down" enough.
Many don't "think before they speak," or "think before they Tweet," which leads to disaster.
Reading posts with text-speak such as "ur" "2" "u" "thx" etc. gets annoying really fast.
I find myself not wanting to spend all of my time on the computer or on a cell phone.
I felt dirty for using something that I don't believe in.

Perhaps you are considering leaving (a)social networking behind? It is time. Purge the urge to use (a)social media.

How much would you pay to be seen by your friends and family?

2012-11-13T12:17:00.001-08:00

I have heard that now Facebook is charging a hefty price of $7 to allow you to promote your posts to your family and friends. In other words, to get your posts at the top of the heap you can now fork over $7 to Facebook. Isn't that swell?

The [a]social network started testing a new feature in the U.S. today that lets people buy promoted posts. Facebook will push your selected post to the top of news feeds, increasing the likelihood of your friends and subscribers seeing it.

A Facebook representative said the company is not confirming how much promoting a post will cost, because the feature is still in test mode, but when we took the feature for a spin, it showed a $7 price tag.
Source: cnet.com

"A fool and his money are soon parted"

What kind of a world do we live in when one has to pay money in order to be seen amongst their friends and family? While there is obviously a business side to this ridiculous new feature, the reality is that it only makes me happier to have left Facebook behind.

Imagine for a moment that you want to let the world know that you are cooking something special at home tonight. Perhaps you already have the table set, but last time you shared pictures of the big meal nobody commented (the horror!). This time you worked so hard on that Kraft macaroni and cheese that you can't bear it to go unnoticed (you even put a drop of olive oil into the water, you chef you!). You figure that you usually spend about $15.00 to eat out, but the box of macaroni was only $0.77. Why not splurge a little? After all, getting it to the top of the heap is a lot cheaper than going out to eat (plus, if you eat at home you'll have more time for late night (a)social networking).

If you are paying to get your status update to the top, you'd better be smart about it.

Face it, if you are going to be handing money over to the folks at Facebook, you'd better get your money's worth. Why not throw in something else for good measure? In other words, don't just share with the world that you cooked your own dinner with a link to the picture. Throw in something really juicy. For example, later on you may feel compelled to pay another $7 to tell the world you just broke up with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Why not throw that in the same status update? Two messages for $7 is a lot better than blowing $14 for two.

Example: I just made the most amazing Mac-n-Cheese! [picture] It lOoKs TaNtALiZiNg, hUh?! And I dumped Chuck! That's rite: I'm hella single!

***

I imagine that some people are going to be having fun with this new feature. Others will roll their eyes and state how much they hate Facebook for it, but many of these same people will continue to use Facebook! Sadly, many believe that Facebook is a requirement of being alive.

Facebook is, contrary to popular belief, NOT a necessity!

Maybe it's time to step away from the computer and/or phone. Maybe today is the day to get your life back to basics, so to speak. Why subsist in a world where people are paying money to be seen and heard? Why feel the need to pay when you want your family and friends to see what you have to say? (A)social networks are going to continue to nickel and dime you until you are flat out broke. Isn't the cost of being on these sites, in terms of lost productivity, enough? Isn't the loss of time that you could spend with family, friends, improving yourself, improving your life, creating, and thriving, a high enough cost? Perhaps you doubted the message before, but now you may be starting to see that Facebook is on a downward decline. There is a problem when a site has to resort to charging people a fee to make what one says important. Everything you say should be important to your family members without the need to pay for it. Everything you say should mean something to your friends. Is Facebook now so full of spam posts that there is a need to pay to be seen?

In today's dumbed down world of cell phone addiction and quick, awkward doses of human interaction, many people have forgot just how to interact with other human beings. Sadly, as a result, one finds them-self paying to be seen. There is no need for you to pay money so you can be seen on a virtual world of make believe. Why not pick up the phone and call someone instead if you have something that you find worth paying for? Why literally throw money in the trash instead of either saving it for your future, putting it to work for you, or donating it to a good cause? Heck, put it toward a Wii U. There comes a time to spend money, and there comes a time to say "enough is enough." This is one of the latter times.