I don’t know what happened, but I simply could NOT get my machine to shirr. I know I did it before, I made the Staple Dress, didn’t I? So why wouldn’t it shirr this time? So frustrating.

I googled, got a few results, and all of them except for this video tutorial by SirLadyCostumer required me to use a screwdriver to change the tension on the bobbin case. I did not want to mess with my bobbin case.

So I called the Brother representative who sold me my NV955. Her solution?

Turn the tension dial to 9. Change stitch length to 4mm.

That’s it. SO SIMPLE! Oh, and I wound my bobbin with elastic thread using the machine’s bobbin winding function. No hand winding.

It works. It stitched like a dream, and I smocked my dress front in a few minutes.

Now SirLadyCostumer’s advice was to turn the tension dial to 3 and stitch length at maximum. That worked too. So I’ll leave it to you to experiment.

In any case, make sure that your elastic thread catches under the tension spring. Watch the video if you get confused. I managed to push my thread through the tension spring without removing the whole plate and bobbin case.

Happy shirring!

Why “transporter”? Well, it’s not a bag, it’s not a carrier, it’s just pockets in a towel that helps the Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Luurve transport toiletries to and from the shower while at school camp. He’s a teacher. In case it sounded like I was married to a teenager.

https://flic.kr/p/xq74Uu

For my birthday present this year, he got me a Brother NV 955 which can do embroidery. Of course, I’m thrilled. You could say I’m sew happy with his clever notion!

Of course when he asked for an embroidered towel, I thought how about a handsfree walk to the communal shower – just make pockets in the towel!

This is so simple, I don’t need to tell you how to make one. I’ll just show you some of the things I did that helped my process.

https://flic.kr/p/xEnnmW

I’ve come to really love the Triple Stretch Stitch setting because it makes pretty, chubby stitches. Plus, they’re a lot stronger so the pockets of this towel should stand up to the test of time and tugging. I started with the default 2.5mm stitch length and decided I preferred the 4mm instead. In fact, I just going to stick to 4mm from now on, regardless of fabric material. It just looks so much nicer. What do you think?

https://flic.kr/p/wKRK3R

For the sides, I sewed right on the edge of the towel binding. I could try to sew on the binding itself and this machine would be able to handle it but I was hoping to hide the stitches in the towel threads. It worked.

https://flic.kr/p/xqavG5

There’s a lot of ways to mark fabric – chalk, heat-erasable pens, bar of soap, or my favourite: the air erasable marker. No need heat, just let time do it’s work. I want to say a few minutes, because I’ve marked a button placement, gone to get a drink and come back to see it’s gone.

https://flic.kr/p/xGNerV

https://flic.kr/p/xEmEZ3
He’s sexy and I sew it!

Pattern Type: PDF – http://april-rhodes.com/products/the-staple-dress-pdf

Cost: USD$15.00

Fabric: Cotton Chambray Dots Royal from Fabric.com – https://www.fabric.com/buy/0344721/cotton-chambray-dots-royal

https://flic.kr/p/wtdN2g

Pattern Review…

What I liked:

1. Not having to set in sleeves.
2. Not having to draft my own pattern.
3. The waist is adjustable; I was able to customise the back and front shirring to adapt to my body shape.

What wasn’t fun but wasn’t a deal breaker:

1. Cutting and piecing together the PDF printouts got a bit unwieldy as this pattern is bigger than the usual. Good thing I have a huge table).
2. Printing on 80gsm paper makes this pattern slightly thick at the overlapping joints, so I put in an extra bit of elbow grease when I rolled my tracing wheel over those small sections.

Fabric Review…

The blue is so pretty, and that duo-tone makes it shine. Plus, it’s chambray so holds together well on the sewing machine, no slipping and sliding here. It doesn’t crumple easily, and feels comfortable.

Would I make this pattern again?

Yes. And this time, I would try with a material that softer and more drape, perhaps a Nani Iro Double Gauze? Designed by Naomi Ito for Kokka Japan, her designs are like like watercolour stills come to life on fabric.

https://flic.kr/p/xnLsoW

There are two options: Straight hem or sloped hem. I went with the sloped hem and LOVE IT.

https://flic.kr/p/wt5jmJ

The blue just pops. And because it’s chambray, there’s this sheen of duo-tone. I would get it again but at USD exchange rate going at a high of 1.4 now, I’m going to self-impose a moratorium on online shopping at US stores.

https://flic.kr/p/xphvuq

5 lines of shirring. I was slightly apprehensive because I had heard that Brother’s top loading bobbin machines would most likely need tension adjustment on the bobbin case. Some sewists buy a bobbin case just for elastic thread. In the end, it was a breeze to shirr! I guess Brother has updated it’s machines.

https://flic.kr/p/x8tuLb

That’s another thing I enjoyed about constructing the Staple Dress – no sleeves to set in. I’m not afraid of doing it, but it’s nice to skip a step.

https://flic.kr/p/xphw3j

My first time making pockets for a dress. I felt the pockets were positioned a bit high so next round I’ll drop them two inches lower. On the other hand, they sit nicely against my hip now and I need all the help i can get to make my shape look for hourglass. I’m more of an apple than a pear.

https://flic.kr/p/wt5kw9

I deviated from the pattern instructions to cut the bias tape from the same cloth and used a complementary yellow cotton pre-made bias tape. I imagined it would add a bit of peekaboo fun. What do you think?

https://flic.kr/p/xphwfJ

This is why I love making my own dresses. I can fake a hourglass shape. Also, I think dresses with an empire waist drape better on me.

Despite the many rave reviews of this pattern, I did approach this with slight trepidation. There’s so many ways it could have gone wrong and for one reviewer it seemed to not fit right despite two attempts. But I’m glad I did because it turns out that shirring placed in just the right spots turns a shapeless tent into a comfortable and complementary dress.

If you’re in Singapore and want to meet up, let me know because I’m always looking to connect with fellow fans of sewing, in person or online.

]]> https://faithtoh.wordpress.com/2015/08/16/the-staple-dress-in-chambray-dots-royal/feed/ 0 Faith T. https://faithtoh.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/sew-far-sew-good/ https://faithtoh.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/sew-far-sew-good/#respond Sun, 30 Mar 2014 03:29:16 +0000 http://faithtoh.wordpress.com/?p=484

Who would have thought that I would love sewing! Can I tell you something, please don’t judge? My mom did all my Home Economics sewing homework. Granted, it was hand sewing and I’m still lousy at it. Which is one of the reasons I don’t enjoy sewing by hand. After all that arduous stitching, the results are so ugly, I just think: well, that was a waste of time.

So the Jimmy and I were browsing through Courts Megastore one Sunday and I notice this small gathering in the sewing machine corner. Of course that piques my curiosity and I go take a look. The first thing I notice is that the Singer Tradition is on sale. At $199 it seemed like a reasonable investment. I have never used a machine before but growing up, my mom had a Singer and she made all my clothes. Maybe it’s nostalgia. But now I want that sewing machine. Plus, the lady selling it to me was very patient and she really took the time to show me the basics. She gave me her mobile number to call anytime I need help. Now, if you know me, you know I’m all for thorough after sales service.

So what have I learned from this new hobby?

1. Anything Spotlight has, Chinatown has it too. And at a quarter of the price. Hello, two bobbins for $4.90?!?! Are you crazy, Spotlight? I can get 6 for $1.20 at the little haberdashery in Ang Mo Kio!

2. The fun part is watching the patches of cloth feed through the machine. But to get to the fun part, there’s a lot of prep work. And if I make the effort to prep right and accurately (it’s 8″, not 8.5″, not 7.5″) then the sewing part is so much more fun.

3. Even after all that prep, sometimes, mistakes happen. Why waste time beating myself up for it, or (ironically)  moaning about lost time.  The Seam Ripper (or as I like to call it “The Unpicker”) is my BFF. That, and a nice cup of tea and an episode of Once Upon A Time.

4. The sense of accomplishment I get from completing a project well is sooooo much more tangible (and longer lasting) than baking a good macaron. Less fattening too.

I am sure there’s more learning curves along the way, and Jimmy is already telling me I should start selling my handiwork. We’ll see. Maybe. For now, I’m just happy to make practical gifts for people that matter to me. Maybe, one day, I’ll be confident enough to say “bespoke” gift.

It’s funny how someone’s applause for your forthrightness turns to indignant glares when the same outspoken truths are now about them and not their frenemy.

It’s funny how a simple act of just asking “Are you OK?” can turn into a tortured experience when you really just wanted to be superficially friendly, or a wonderful bonding experience if you really meant it.

It’s funny how much more helpful someone’s “constructive criticism” is, is directly proportional to the amount of time they’ve actually spent with you and been a friend to you.

It’s funny how the definition of ‘friend’ is not always about how much time they spend with you but it’s what they say and do during the times that count.

It’s funny how when we do not see someone at church, if it’s a newcomer we try all kinds of friendly ways to bring them back. If it’s a Lifer, we judge them for lacking spiritual gumption and they should be left alone to get their act together because there’s just too many newcomers to be friendly to.

It’s funny how some of you reading this will go “Yes, that’s exactly how I feel!” and some of you reading this will insist it reeks of resentment with an undernote of sarcasm. While some of you will… well, I don’t know what you think. I’m not a mind reader. And I’ve gone so many twists and turns in my head about what other people might think that I could open up an amusement park and charge admission for rollercoaster rides.

No, none of this is really funny, but humor is all I have left when I’m beaten down and feeling like the frayed, stray thread that sticks out of a shirt. You know, the weird little strand that stands out and people notice but are too polite to say anything. But your close friends will whisper and ask if they can help you snip it off. Because we all know, the shirt will look much better without it. That’s me. The stray thread, that doesn’t fit in. A freak.

I’m going to take a stab in the dark (because then you can deny you did it when the light turns on – I’m KIDDING! Don’t stab anyone, please) that I’m not alone in feeling this way. Then, well, let me tell you something (by ‘you’ I mean “me” but in a roundabout way so that it doesn’t look like I’m really talking to myself) . You know who else didn’t fit in? You know who else was a freak?

Stephen. They say sticks and stones will break bones but names will never hurt ? Well, they were half right. Stephen was stoned… to death.

Joshua and Caleb. So everyone agrees the gameplan is to report that the enemy country cannot be conquered. There they are, two out of ten, saying “yes, we can go defeat those big enemy soldiers and claim this land for God!” Nevermind, just bao toh (backstab) your brothers, nevermind.

Of course, right about now, there’s probably be someone out there going: Waaaaah, this Faith, super buay hiao bai (don’t realise own ugliness), ah? Equate herself with biblical martyr leh! (Because Singlish is way better at being snarky then Proper English — it’s the upbringing I guess. Singlish just had it tougher.)

So…one last “it’s funny”…

It’s funny how there will always be a part of me that cares what other people think and worries if they think I’m a freak. And each time that happens, I find ways to remind myself that it is OK. One of which is remembering that caring what other people think is, in and of itself, not a bad thing. It makes us sensitive to the needs of others. Aware of someone else’s feelings. Be more empathetic. But, and this is a big but (shh, no fat jokes) what other people think cannot, must not, take precedence over what I think. And what I think, must come from a place of prayer and submission to God.

And this is what God says to me, that I am wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). That I was chosen for a purpose (Ephesians 1:11-12). That I was made to love and honor him (Isaiah 43:7), even if it means I don’t fit in sometimes (Romans 12:12). That I cannot excuse my poor behaviour in the name of obedience to Him (1 Corinthians 13:1), but I also cannot let my fear of being the odd one out silence me (Romans 1:16). That there will always be people who think they know me better and all will be well as long as I listen to them (Proverbs 19:21-21), but people are fallible (Colossians 2:8), God isn’t (James 1:17). That I won’t always get all those balances right (James 3:2), and it’s ok when I don’t (Psalm 37:24).

And that’s no joke.

I am charring ALL my peppers from now on!

I thought I’d start this post with a picture of my successfully charred red pepper. Just so you know (a) the house didn’t burn down, I’m still alive and (b) IT SMELLED SOOOOO GOOOOOD!

So you know how housing agents have this trick, where they tell you just before showing the house, to put a batch of chocolate chips cookies in the oven? So when potential buyers come, they smell the vanilla and think: Ahhhh… HOME! Well, I’m charring peppers. That’s how good they smelled!

That’s all the blackened skin bits that came off very easily.

Now that I had my roasted pepper, it was time to get cracking on the Harissa. The next pictures you are going to see are of my Thermomix. I am both really excited to show you and also a little wary. See, some of you are going to be all “Wow! Jimmy is such an awesome hubby to get you one!” and some of you will sniff at me and say “that’s not *real* cooking is it?”, followed by “You paid HOW MUCH?!”.

And truth be told, while I’m learning not to let the cooking snobs bother me, it still does. A little. But you know my secret for shutting out the negatives? I think about Jimmy and how he thinks my cooking has improved since he got me the Thermomix. I think about all sauces (hollandaise!!) and curds (mmm, lemon curd!) that I make now, that I didn’t used to want to try because of all the washing up and pot burning.

I think we all have negatives in some form or another. You can’t stop someone else from throwing it out. But you can decide how you will process it. And for me (maybe for you too?) the best thing is to find some counter-thoughts that give that sense of security and confidence. Sometimes it’s a bible verse. Sometimes, it’s logic. Sometimes, it’s information  you have that the other person doesn’t. Other times, it’s simply knowing inside that snobs are sometimes snobs because they are insecure themselves, so let them be.

I didn’t have Caraway seeds, so I just left it out.

So here’s the 1tsp each of coriander and cumin seeds. I toasted them for 2 minutes at temperature Varoma at speed Spoon. And oh boy, did they start to smell wonderful! It’s much more convenient to use the processed powder, but toasting the seeds then grinding them up gives me a much much better product! There’s a layer of flavour and scent that comes from freshly toasted and ground seeds that the powders just don’t have.

You don’t need a Thermomix to do this. A pan and a coffee grinder (or motar and pestle) will do. Just don’t use the coffee grinder for coffee anymore. Jimmy will tell you, the coffee tastes weird. (Sorry, honey!) I’ve seen people just use a rolling pin to bash the seeds into powder too. So, hey, whatever works.

The recipe says 90g of onion but I went with 95g because I’m going to top and tail it. That’s less 5g there, right?

Also, I weigh my onions. I love cooking by weight because then it’s EXACT. When I use cup measurements, the success rate can be iffy. Someone told me that’s because British cups and American cups are different sizes. Also, I really don’t fancy getting more utensils dirty.

That’s my own tomato paste. It’s just cooking skinned tomatoes in the Thermomix for 40 minutes until it becomes a paste.

That’s lemon juice in the background. Martha Stewart once said that lemons are a staple in her kitchen. I agree! Recently, I started making sure I always have lemons around. Lemon juice makes everything taste so tangy and bright. My favourite way to use it is to slice onions then soak them in the juice of 1 lemon. Then I prepare the rest of my salad. I toss the onions with the juice in at the end. By then, the lemon juice has “cooked” out the sharpness of the onion and they taste oniony but sweetish! Yum!

In everything goes!

Gail’s Harissa recipe was a little vague. It said to fry up the onions, chillies and garlic. But it didn’t say when to put the lemon juice, pepper, and salt in. Or what to do with the freshly toasted, ground spices. So I just made logical assumptions. And kept the spices in the Thermomix jug. Added the onions, chilli padis and garlic. Keeping the lemon juice, salt and pepper to the end.

Such a pretty orangey-red colour!

I don’t know if my logical assumptions were correct, but the end result sure tastes AWESOME! Granted, I have never tasted *real* Harissa before. But this is pretty tasty. Spicy, tangy, tomatoey, slightly saltish… frankly, it works as a dipping sauce for fries! I could use it as a spread for toast. Maybe throw on some fresh lettuce and scrambled eggs to make a sandwich? Gimme ideas!

Will I make Shakshuka today? Probably not, since I seem to have run out of eggs and didn’t realise it. But will I be eating my Harissa? YES!

Gail’s Harissa Recipe

Makes a generous 1/2 cup or 200ml.

INGREDIENTS

1 red pepper
1/2 tsp coriander seeds
1/2 tsp cumin seeds
1/2 tsp caraway seeds (I couldn’t find any, so I left it out of mine)
1 1/2 tbsp olive oil (I just poured in 15g into my Thermomix)
1 small red onion, coarsely chopped (scant 2/3 cup or 90g in total)
3 cloves garlic, coarsely chopped (I used 4 cuz I LOVE garlic)
3 hot red chillies, seeded and coarsely chopped (I used 4 chilli padis, left the seeds in)
1 1/2 tsp tomato paste
2 tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/2 tsp salt (or to taste)

METHOD

Place the pepper under a very hot broiler, turning occasionally for about 25 minutes, until blackened on the outside and completely soft. Transfer to a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and allow to cool. Peel pepper and discard the skin and seeds. OR just burn the pepper on the stove, like what I did.

Place a dry frying pan over low heat and lightly toast the coriander, cumin and caraway seeds for 2 minutes. Remove them to a mortar and use a pestle to grind them into powder. OR toast them in a dry Thermomix bowl at Varoma/Speed Spoon/2 Minutes, then Turbo for 5 seconds or until sufficiently pulverised.

Heat the olive oil in a frying pan over low medium heat, and fry the onion, garlic and chilies for 10 to 12 minutes, until a dark smokey color and almost caramelised. OR add olive oil, onion, garlic, and chillies to the Thermomix bowl and fry for 12 minutes/temperature 100/Speed 1.

Now use a blender or a food processor to blitz together all of the paste ingredients until smooth, adding a bit more oil if needed. OR add lemon juice, salt, tomato paste, roasted red pepper to the Thermomix bowl and blitz at Speed 6 for 3 minutes. Open the lid, scrape everything down and make a decision whether you want to blitz again or leave it. It all depends on how smooth you want your paste to be. I like CHUNKY. Mmm mmm…

Store in a sterilised jar in the fridge for up to 2 weeks of even longer. (2 weeks?! I’m gonna eat it all up before then!) OR just put it in an air-tight plastic container (eg. Lock-lock). That’s what I did. Who has time to find jars, much less sterilise them?

It’s got a spicy tomato base. It’s got baked eggs. Need I say more?

She made Shakshuka and I got curious (hey, it’s food, what else is new?) and googled. And then I saw this and this and this video. It was like a SIREN CALL, I tell ya! Faaaaaaith… I taste awesome with crusty bread… Eaaaaat meeeeee!

So now, I have to make Shakshuka. And I was all about to set off on a journey with Smitten Kitchen’s version when Gail said she’d send me her recipe. Except she sent me two images from her cookbook. One for Shakshuka and another for Harissa.

I read the Shakshuka recipe and hers calls for Harissa. Ah. That’s why she sent me the Harissa recipe!

See there? It calls for Harissa.

We watch a LOT of travel and cooking shows. By “we” I mean Jimmy and me. We are intrepid explorers of the world via our couch and cable tv. I had not heard of Shakshuka but I remember Harissa from one of those Anthony Bourdain (or was it Jamie Oliver?) episodes. It’s basically a chilli paste, but with different spices (aren’t they all?).

Chilli? Sure! I’m game. So I start reading the Harissa recipe and it says right there that I need to blacken a red pepper under a broiler. I’m starting to feel like this whole gastronomic journey to Tunisia is like those matreshka dolls. Inside every recipe I find something else that needs a recipe.

See the instructions? Broil. Blacken. (sigh)

Under normal circumstances, I would have just given up and gone with Smitten Kitchen’s version. Her doesn’t use Harissa. It calls for Anaheim or Jalapeño chillies (and no, we don’t find those easily here in Singapore, but I can easily solve that by throwing in 4 or 5 chilli padis). But these are NOT normal circumstances. I have committed myself (think perseverance, not mental hospital) and I will channel my inner Nigella and blacken that stupid red pepper!

Now, the Gail’ recipe says to use a broiler. I have a broiler. But I’m not going to turn on my huge oven just for ONE pepper! Come on people, think of the energy consumption, the environmental impact, the carbon footprint, the… ok, I’m just stingy about the electricity bill. It’s Singapore, electricity don’t come cheap, ok! But you know what comes, well, reasonably cheap? Gas! And I have seen Nigella do this: stick a pepper directly on a lit stove and burn, baby, burn!

On TV, it looks pretty harmless. Yes, there is an open flame. But I’m not an amateur, I have watched a lot of cooking shows! (Yes, I’m being facetious.)

Yes, my stove needs cleaning. Don’t judge me!

You know what they don’t tell you on cooking shows? That when you set a pepper on bed of fire, it starts to CRACKLE and POP! This was my thought process:

“Oh. That’s… new. It sounds like someone playing castanets inside the pepper. Cute!”

“Wait… is that a good or a bad thing? Is it going to explode? Nigela never said anything about exploding peppers! Oh no, poor Nigella.” (Ok, I have to explain this odd sympathy: One time, Nigella had to cut up some herbs — that’s with a ‘h’ sound — and she used this gadget, this two-handed curved blade, and she see-sawed her way rather ungainly through the pile of herbs. Jimmy took one look and said “The woman can’t even use a knife properly?!” and ever since then, Nigella been relegated to the Watch-Only-If-There’s-Nothing-Else-On list. SO… if I were to, say, blow up the kitchen because of Nigella, well, I don’t know if Jimmy would ever forgive her.)

“Hey, if it does explode, I should take photos. It would be an awesome post on Facebook.”

“No, I should get water first. In case it explodes then I can put out the flames… do they burst into flames?”

“Hmm… I should get the camera. Oh oh, better turn off the flame first.”

Of course it didn’t explode. Although I don’t know if that’s God’s providence or that in general, peppers don’t explode. Tell me in the comments, I’d love to know.

“Black as the dark night she was…”

So the next step was to put it in a bowl and cover it with cling film. But because this is me, the surprises never end. If you’re thinking I couldn’t find clingfilm, then HAH! No. I did have clingflim. But I couldnt get it to work. It was a new roll and there’s this little tab they stick onto new rolls. The tab says “pull me” and I tried. But the tab was stuck to the film, So I had to scrape the edge off to get leverage. But the whole thing came off.

Stupid faulty tab!

And somehow in the process, I lost the “start” of the film. So I had to touch, rub, scrape it all over to find where the film started. Meanwhile, my pepper is cooling down and I’m losing the steam that I was supposed to trap with the clingfilm. Precious steam that would help me lift off the blackened pepper skin.

I won’t call them liars. Just “over staters”.

But I managed it in the end. And now it’s on the table steaming away. And I’m here typing away.

Ready for Part 2?

To say that my friend, Marcia, is passionate about food, is saying that da Vinci is passionate about inventions.  A holiday, to her, is to take week long classes at Le Cordon Bleu. In PARIS. And this, she does, almost as an annual pilgrimage.

Cooking with Marcia always leaves me inspired to flex my own culinary muscles. Although, seeing as how I’m the cooking equivalent of a skinny, pre-pubescent boy, “flex” is a tad generous.

So today when Jimmy asked for pizza, the timing was just right because there’s no better tomato sauce than Marcia’s. It’s tangy, tomatoey, slightly sweet, and the herbs de provence add that extra palate punch.

But that’s not the secret to the best pizza dough. No, that (not so) secret is time. Not thyme. TIME.  Although if you wanted to dust in some thyme, I suppose you could.

Really, there’s nothing like time to make the best pizza dough. Time to let the yeast do its work. For today’s pizza, I let the dough rise twice. The first, for proofing. The second after it was rolled out and waiting to be adorned with beef sausage, matured cheddar and of course, Marcia’s tomato sauce.

And then what do you do with leftover dough? Shape it into a loaf and let it rise the THIRD time. Voila, bread!! And this bread, OH WHAT A CRUST! Just that right balance of crispy, crackly crunch, but oh, soft that it just tears apart with the barest effort. It was so good, that my very very VERY fussy husband ate a BIG slice with an equally big smile on his face.

It isn’t lost on me that this whole deal with time can also apply to life in general. Time heals. Time reveals. Time, God’s panacea for worried hearts and impatient hands.

If you want Marcia’s tomato sauce recipe, here’s a video I made of it:

http://youtu.be/qEjyFtLxBUY

For the pizza dough, I took the recipe from the Thermomix Everyday Cooking book, and here it is:

And since we’re being honest here, there are plenty of times, when I look at the stupid, inane, crazy, horrible stuff I have done and as I stand in the aftermath, surveying the wreckage, I know I can have no one to blame but myself. And I am filled with regret.

Sometimes, there’s a happy ending. Bridges burned are rebuilt, stronger than before. Other times…

I can be loud and fearless. But I also know that a lot of times, I shout because I am afraid that no one is listening. That I have become invisible. That I am insignificant.

Years ago, someone in a leadership position said to me: No one is indispensable.

I know he meant to generalize that we should never  hold God’s work hostage by sitting in a position that we have grown too jaded to hold. But I cannot begin to count how many times I have also taken it to mean: Faith, you’re replaceable. You bring nothing to the table that someone else cannot bring. You add value, but hey, so does him and her and them… plenty plenty of “thems”.

Ok, I gotta make a statement here: Don’t feel sorry for me. No, really, wait. Cuz I said, “there are times”. Which means this isn’t a state I live in constantly. I visit here more often than I care to admit, but I don’t STAY there. No way!

I don’t want to stay there. Who would? It’s been an entire life of visiting this place and over the years, I’ve slowly figured out where some of the exits are.

Exit #1 – Zephaniah 3:17

“The Lord your God is with you, 
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
 in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
 but will rejoice over you with singing.”

If God is not rebuking you, then why are you rebuking yourself? This isn’t a blanket excuse to not own up to my mistakes, or to not say sorry when a sorry is due. This is God saying: Stop beating yourself up over it. You’re sorry. You’ve tried to fix it. Sometimes it can’t be fixed. How you live with the wreckage, that’s your testimony of My Grace, My Love, My Forgiveness, My Restoration, My Promise of a Life Changed.

Exit #2 – Matthew 12:41-44

“Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

It’s not about being better than someone else. It’s about being the best version of myself — a child of God. It’s not about comparing what I can or cannot do but about just giving of my best to my Father. Of living each day with integrity and honesty. And giving of my best is not a fixed point. Maybe on days when I’m emotionally drained, it will take all of my best to just be able to stay silent and swallow all harsh words. Maybe on days when I’m as close to God as His shadow, my best can be… will be limitless.

Exit #3 – Romans 5:3-5

“…we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

The person that I was in my teens is not the same person in my 20s and is not the same person today and, guess what, I am still growing, learning, becoming better. The learning curve isn’t a straight, upward line. It’s a chart with dips and lifts, but stand back and looked as a whole, it’s pointing heavenwards.

No, these three are not the only exits, there’s many more. And I’m sure I’ll be discovering even more new ones in the days and years to come. But for now, for tonight, this is enough. My hand is on the open door and I am stepping back into the God’s light.

Ah, Whatsapp “mute” function, you are my good friend.

You lead me away from the temptation to respond to chats that go nowhere when people just don’t *get* my logic/humor/wit/whatever.

You lay me beside a still phone that doesn’t buzz every other second with someone sending one word sentences.

All the while protecting others’ feelings because they won’t know I have muted them.

My good friend, indeed.