who. i. is.

health folks getting all salty!

2010-01-30T15:49:00.002-06:00

what's up with the new york times and mayor bloomberg getting all serious about salt? i'm not saying that high blood pressure and the health problems related to it are not serious, but it's so good! anyway, i'll cut this rant short with today's nyt article. read up paragraph 4, enough said.

re-blog: ysaÿe

2010-01-23T19:29:00.003-06:00

the link below is from alex ross's blog (via The New Yorker) featuring augustin hadelich playing ysaye's Sonata op. 27 no. 3.

http://bit.ly/8ej5X2

petroucka

2010-01-23T14:46:00.002-06:00

this dude is on fire. frits damrow, principal trumpet of the royal concertgebouw playing the ballerina's dance of stravinsky's petrouchka.

history

2010-01-17T08:55:00.001-06:00

mos def feat. talib kweli

Mos Def Feat. Talib Kweli-History (Creative Control Color Edit) from Creative Control on Vimeo.

anti-smoking ads. a new approach.

2009-12-07T18:32:00.000-06:00

the onion is always dropping the funnies.

New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke'

if i become famous, it won't last long.

2009-12-05T15:39:00.000-06:00

just in time for the xmas...or kwanzaa

2009-12-02T22:29:00.003-06:00

grind

2009-11-08T21:57:00.002-06:00

the desire to stay loan free has turned me into a monster.

avg. temp in my apt for last month was 47F. all of my silverware [and pepper] is stolen. i haven't done laundry since labor day (so, like 2 months ago) and probably won't until thanksgiving. i lack one working light bulb, so i rotate the ones that work into fixtures i am near. and i'm interested in learning how to siphon gas, with some class.

i'm waiting for a family member to win the lotto.

my friend sam.

2009-09-30T08:29:00.005-05:00

so our boy brian is getting married out in manchester (new hamp). sammy, out of dc, is meeting up. here's a little dialogue...

Sams: Brian is getting amrried this weekend

me: wtf?

hahhahaha

nah dude

you drunk?

his wed is on oct 31

right?

Sams: it is

holy shit

me: hahah

you didn't F up on tix did you?

Sams: yes I did

me: dude....

DOOOODE

so you got a nice weeekend planned in manchester this wknd...

Sams: kill me

Sams: FML

I'm functionally retarded

maybe not functional

me: hahaha

i think you're awesome

Sams: well, I appreciate that

me: hopefully you can just make a phone call and get the dates switched

Sams: no

have to go this weekend

cat is also meeting my parents

who are there

Sams: maybe my brain made them the same date out of convenience

me: yeah, that sounds logical

Sams: right...

me: epic, man

so you going to come out to the wedding too?

you'll get to hear me frack a bit on the piccolo
Sams: ooo

nice

yeah

I'm going to try my hardest

me: word

i'm sure brian will understand either way

Sams: yeah

he knows I'm an EFFING SPACE CADET

mr. showman

2009-09-06T09:30:00.000-05:00

"mr. showman, what a prick.
attitude match his wardrobe,
uglier than sin."

mos def

re-blog

2009-09-04T15:15:00.003-05:00

i'm sure you've all seen this. props to heavy p, aka not phillin it. anyway, don't bother, google fixed it.

7. SEVEN. 7.

2009-01-13T16:52:00.002-06:00

first post of the new year...i couldn't wait:

ONLY SEVEN MORE DAYS OF BUSH!!!!!!!

count'em.

prop8

2008-12-01T12:05:00.007-06:00

so a lot has happened since this overdue post (no apologies). america elected president obama. alaskan sen. ted stevens lost his seat but may have retained his stained glass windows. bradbury's and co. took a trip to viroqua, wi to do a cupping and meet the talent behind kickapoo coffee (and drink beer in a cemetery). on a lower key, i took an audition in d.c. - i would have told you if i won, so keep to your seat.

on a similarly sad note, california dropped the ball and prop 8 passed, banning same-sex marriages. i know it has been almost a month since the election, but this is still bothering me.

a good friend of mine turned me onto this editorial by mr. keith olbermann...

as always, mr. olby is emotional and gushy - but he says it right. it is inconceivable how america can elect a black man as its executive, but can't allow gays and lesbians equal rights as everyone else.

he also talks about love. something that supporters of prop8 seem to disregard. when he discusses sham marriages and forced marriages, i couldn't help but think of sarah palin's pregnant daughter, bristol. throughout september, the palin-mccain't campaign said that bristol would get married to the father of her child. true love.

if a 17 year old nobody is forced into a marriage by her parents due to a pregnancy ignited by "hey, i think you're pretty, let's take a study break...", then who could possibly stand in the way of two professionals who contribute to their communities, who are seeking a same-sex marriage? or a lesbian retired couple who have been together for over sixty years, who go to church, and are seeking the spousal rights that are missing from civil unions that marriage offers?

ugh.

VOTE, sucka!

2008-10-01T22:22:00.001-05:00

Register online to vote here or find out how to register in your area here.

All you fools in Madison who are lost, get it on here.

Pay attention to tomorrow night's debate, Joe Biden v. Sarah Palin. If you have any inclination to vote for McCan't, be wise and check her out since she might grab a hold of the reigns if John....dies.

I am voting for Barack Obama.

re.up

2008-08-27T18:00:00.006-05:00

there is no better time to restart a blog than birthday time. so here goes.

i'd first like to show appreciation to facebook for the well-wishes, and if any admin are reading this, i am having a fine day, thanks.

so yours truly, the overfed musician who is starting year three off of health insurance, is turning 24.

24!

that means i am no longer anything less than 24. with less and less [hair] to look forward to, i can only imagine what this year holds for me. i don't want to annoy readers with philosophical banter or anything that depressing, but it's hard to see life progressing on the "up and up" (don't ask me what "up and up" means, i heard a proficient english speaker use it, so i feel as if that was safe).

many of us probably feel like our lives are pretty level, meaning that there aren't any huge moments of excitement or devastation. there are those who think that things are really going in their favor - but befriending someone like that is just as bad as befriending one who is always depressed. the only exception to the previous is charlie brown.

i would totally befriend charlie brown. oh good grief!

now that'll be 5 cents please.

pooped.

2008-06-13T17:58:00.002-05:00

Enough toilet talk. I was pretty busy today with Euro 2008 and some Madison Symphony Orchestra drama. I'd like to see the Netherlands play Spain in the finals - as for MSO, I just want to play and get paid.

I ate some ramen today! It's been a week point five since I last indulged and over-ate [this is a big deal - similar to smokers reaching the one week mark]. Ramen wouldn't be such a big part of my diet if it wasn't so good - it's the closest and cheapest grub I can get to eating Korean food. It gives me an opportunity to pull out the kimchi and rice, and carbo-load for broke! Shin-ramyun is where it is at!

So here is a short list of what I need to do before....soon.
-Figure out my future (school in fall? what would I study? work?)
-Figure out where I'm going to live
-Call my parents

I anticipate some procrastination - you'll probably find me doing the following:
-Playing trumpet
-Playing tennis
-Riding bike
-Developing my soccer skills
-Eating less ramen - for at least for two weeks
-Converting some long denim into cutoffs - which I will wear for all of the above!

The weather is finally improving after numerous storms and floods - I hate how discussion of recent and current weather is a default when both conversationalists and bloggers run out of fresh ideas. So, for today, I quit.

Go Spain!

when you're rolling into first and your pants are 'bout to burst...

2008-06-12T18:16:00.003-05:00

Have you ever read the book Everybody Poops? Well, in case you're in denial, everybody poops, even girls. Now, have you ever thought you could poop in style?

Well now you can!! DING DING DING DING DING!

Presenting the Neorest 600 by Japanese bathroom appliance giant, Toto!

The Neorest 600 features a sleek, tankless, one-piece toilet with an integrated "washlet" (i.e. bidet). This Japanese masterpiece is a must have for both carnivores and vegetarians! A full electronic "dashboard" is located on the side of this sofa - within reach of those who are handicapped or hung over. The lid has an automatic sensor which opens the lid when you walk into the bathroom and closes when you are finished! The wash system also lets you choose the temperature of the water splashing your sweet cheeks (from the front or back), automatically blow dries your underside, and even poofs you with a deodorizer

Japan could be considered the toilet nation of the world (South Korea coming in at a close second, still a superior overall country to Japan, when compared). Over 60% of homes in Japan have computer automated toilets. Japan even celebrates Toilet Day on November 10! Other toilet "bling" not found on the Neorest 600 range from mp3 players to urine and blood pressure analyzers. One in particular, called the Sound Princess, makes tinkling sounds to mask your uncouth sonic emissions.

So, save up about $5,980, although I found some at Faucet Depot for $3500 in six different colors, including black! A bit pricey, but don't we deserve to poop like kings? On a personal note, if my life ends without ever owning this toilet, I will die knowing that I have not lived well. And think of all the paper you can save!

batman is to robin as toilet is to ___________

2008-06-12T09:50:00.002-05:00

[i know this is a day late - my lady-friend can vouch as a witness seeing that we were both outside a cafe last night at 11pm trying to find a wireless connection. people who live on the west side shouldn't be poor, or not have internet. gawd. now for the good stuff...]

The humidity if finally here! Don't you hate being poor and without air conditioning? Trying to go to bed on top of your covers, just drenched in your own perspiration? Or how about a long night of drinking followed by a stop at Taco Bell or that 24hr. Indian curry joint, and then trying to go to bed, in the same humidity... After a month-long escapade to Brazil last year, I discovered the next best thing to air conditioning. The bidet.

A splash in the butt has never been so refreshing!

It's like sitting on an ice cold bike seat, but better. Now, I don't want you all thinking that I do weird stuff to my butt, I'm just passing this information on to those who have the opportunity to use a bidet. I personally do not own one [and I don't manually recreate the experience either!].

So, the bidet is the French word for pony - so saddle up when you use one, and make sure to use one hand to hold the reigns, the other to keep your cowboy hat on, and remember to also use horse commands like "heeyah" or "whoa girl."

Wikipedia says that "bidets are primarily used to wash and clean the genitalia, inner buttocks, and anus." Now, this being a very well reputable source, we could probably just go with it - but for you scholars out there, I would find another source to confirm the quoted statement. Most of us probably already knew this information, but one thing that caught my attention is the some people use bidets to wash their feet. Neat!

Wikipedia then goes on to teach us that there may be some American resistance to bidet usage. One reason hypothesizes that WWII soldiers first introduced to bidets in French brothels found bidets unsanitary due to the notion of prostitutes using them to douche after sexual intercourse.

So, for all of you environmental conservatives (sounds awful, doesn't it?), we can save paper and water [and feel great] if we start putting bidets in our houses and public restrooms.

Tomorrow, I will present you all with a double bonus bathroom companion. Look out for this item on my wedding registry and in my future 5 bedroom house (ONE bath). Either way, I do plan on owning a bidet, and if any of you are so fortunate to be invited to my future home (you'll be able to park in either my heated, underground garage, or my swimming pool, emptied by the DEA and FBI after they find out I've been dumping it and then just throwing $300/person pool parties), please don't pee in the bidet - that's the second worst possible thing you could do.

So next time you're trying to pull an all-nighter, quit drinking the coffee and turn off the loud music. Just take a quick 20 minute, ice cold bidet break and you'll be forced to be focused. You might not be able to sit after following my directions, so make sure to set aside some work or studies you can perform while standing. Also, if you have an erection that lasts longer than four hours, call your doctor.

rising gas prices? shut the hell up.

2008-06-10T17:45:00.010-05:00

Riding shotgun into town today, I noticed a normal amount of "rush hour" (I hesitate using this word in Madison, WI - a city of 543,000, sorry) traffic for a morning commute from the West side. I also noticed the number of sport utility vehicles and trucks - 47; along with the number of cars - 70+ along with four Madison Metro busses. Among all of these vehicles minus the buses, there were only two (cars, to be specific) that had more than one passenger in them - this includes the car that my girlfriend and I were occupying. So one other car, with two people - which means 98% of the vehicles within eyesight transported only the driver. Pretty awesome, right?

How about this - let's say the average passenger capacity (including the driver) per vehicle is five - a happy medium between 2-4 passenger compact cars/trucks and 6-8 passenger s.u.v.s and etc. This means the vehicles on the road this morning (minus the buses) had approximately 474 open seats, unused and unoccupied. Three of those seats were attributed to the vehicle my girlfriend and I occupied - which is a Prius, which means we're both very environmentally conscious, enjoy eating granola, and put weed in our farm fresh salads which is followed by a second course of organic vegetarian burritos, Cheetos, and for the sake of rhyming, Doritos.

474 open seats. Wild. I could relate this number to filling an auditorium or small sports arena, but I won't. Instead, we can think of the number of open seats to the number of occupants in a similar fashion to the total number of Facebook friends you have to those friends you actually speak with or see on a daily basis. HAZZZA!

Anyway, I am assuming those "solo" drivers aren't complaining about high gas prices - they better not. Nobody except business owners and workers whose operation/occupation rely on transporting goods in large quantities or services should be complaining (e.g. airline companies, farmers. the post office...).

Some of us are too quick to complain before considering a change in lifestyle - the options are obvious and most of us know about them, but still take the car to work, church, the gym (ha!), or even to go on bike rides (which is totally uncalled for unless you are riding with adolescents who shouldn't ride in
traffic).

I saw in the local news the other night (on at 4pm, 5pm, 6pm, 9pm, and 10pm) that Bullworth Gillette Kronkite (not his actual name) spends $58 to fill up his s.u.v. and does so THREE TIME A WEEK! Now for a lame comparison (but awesome at the same time, you'll see): with that much saved, you could by this* in just over 4 months! It's awesome because it would take 6 months if you were paying retail.

This Newsweek article by Keith Naughton is quite good and discusses this subject quite squarely. Here is another article by the same author that has somewhat inspired this post. I never really try to read more than I need to, so in case you don't click on them, here's the good stuff:

The fact is, as much as we gripe about gas prices, we're pumping just as much of the precious liquid into our tanks as ever. Every day in America we burn through 391 million gallons of motor fuel. That burn rate is the same as last year, when gas prices were 70 cents per gallon lower. And gas consumption is up 18 percent from a decade ago. The federal Energy Information Administration just predicted we would finally begin to curb our consumption this year for the first time since 1991—by an underwhelming 0.3 percent.

I am not posting this to show you all that I am "green" or going to "enviro heaven" - which I assume is similar to having your remains mulched with fertilizer and humus (which I hear is great for retaining moisture for your potted plants) after being donated to "science," of course. I simply enjoy commuting with my bike and only need my car about once a week - which is awesome since I only need an oil change about once a year and not awesome because my battery is always low due to the lack of use/charge.

So, ride a bike, take the bus, ask a few of those Facebook friends you've made through work if they want to carpool (make sure to poke them if they say yes!). If you ever hear me complaining about gas prices to you, it will be because I am setting up an exit from our meeting and not wasting the time to set you straight - also notice how I won't make much eye contact, promise to call you or meet up soon, and roll my eyes once I turn away from you.

*If any of you want to communicate something to me, but are having a hard time coming up with something to say - you can effectively say "Good work, Ed" with a seal or statement of authenticity and this item. Thanks, in advance!

Obama and , Obama and ...

2008-06-09T20:14:00.006-05:00

Hillary?
Bill?
Chelsea?
Edwards?
Howie D.?

I rarely initiate discussion [or write] about politics - but since I'm doing this week-long blog thing (with a three month hiatus to follow), I figure it is best not to rant and rant about those hippie liberals and their abortions via universal healthcare, paid for by the taxation of the rich and the financial aid given to poor, uneducated, and often non-legal, i mean, "ILLEGAL" civilians [who are oftentimes, ahem, "COLORED"] who are basically being given an easier life even though they are making the streets more dangerous for our kids with drugs, gang and weapon violence, and prostitutes.

I am, in fact, a registered democrat, so I apologize if I have offended fellow party members by my last statement, but I am a big fan of sarcastic self-degredation (especially Asian, or should I say, Oriental....I mean, Asian-American/Pacific-Islander humor). So, um, sorry about that opening sentence - hopefully you're catching your breath now as you read this aloud to your 3rd graders. As for my hint at racism, I can totally flip it and reverse it. If you want, I can go Deep Space 9 on your ass and put Koreans in the same class as Greek Gods and dump the rest in the swill that I wash my feet in.

Stop feeling awkward and let me get on with this.

ok. GO!

Hillary.
Here's why not. Count how many times she tried to upstage Obama's candidacy and use those as reasons why they shouldn't run together. This would also be too easy for Republicans to hate on - especially the whole interracial thing (just ask my girlfriend, who is caucasian - i.e. Welsh, German, "et cetera"). Outside of gay porn and the NBA, the whole interracial debacle will soon be added to Roman Catholic Doctrine of "New Sins."

Bill.
I say yes. I love Bill. The 1990s were the best years of my life (well, after '93). And he was already President! What more could you ask for?!?!?!? Ah, life was so good then.

Chelsea isn't old enough - maybe if she writes a book about her cat....but not if anybody reads it.

Edwards.
John Edwards has officially ruled out running for VP, saying that he already ran in 2004 (calling it a "privilege") and "won't do it again." I would say this would be the most handsome pairing or running mates in presidential history - next to Obama-Schwarzenegger, which would be fierce.

Howie D.
I was a big fan of Dr. Howard Dean when he ran in the last primaries - he is also the reason why I am not totally investing myself in this coming election. Would he make a good V.P.? I would've said yes four years ago - but nobody would let this slide.

So who is my ideal pick? Jack Bauer, of course. Dwight Schrute of Dunder Mifflin realistically states,

"...unfortunately he is unavailable, fictional...and overqualified."

I hope Obama wins - I'm sure we all do to some extent. Do I think he'll win? I guess that question shouldn't be posed on someone who lacks confidence in the American people. Unfortunately too many of "us" are concerned with tax returns and stimulus checks instead of eliminating the national deficit and allowing research (e.g. stem-cell) to find cures or preventative measures to better our lives. Them republicans is crazy.

In other news, my parents are also crazy.

all talk, no chalk

2008-06-06T10:35:00.003-05:00

so I have been challenged by THE LIAR to post everyday for one week. I know many of you are rolling your eyes and whispering 'longshot' as you sip your quad venti sweet and sour peking pumpkin spice sugar free half calf super foamy light but not too light whip extra mocha...mocha.

to go. in a double cup.

but seriously, I can do this. i'll probably start next week (monday, june 9, 2008) and victoriously end the following week. this is a good excuse to eat tons of pasta on sunday - maybe even buy a new computer, or i could hire a secretary.

IN CONCLUSION, i have some things i need to show you all - things that you probably don't even know exist in this world.

Korea Report

2008-05-01T15:02:00.013-05:00

"With my audition over, I now have time to meet with old friends and see some sights" - and now it's been a month since I first wrote that.

The following isn't anything you blogstars haven't read before, but I too, am lazy and a procrastinator, thus leaving weeks between entries. The only difference here is that I won't apologize for it. I mean, why would I want a bunch of nerds reading stuff I'm not totally happy with? I'm doing this to impress you guys, get some phone numbers, maybe even set up a super coincidental celebrity encounter at a bar:

"You're that Ed guy with the blog? The one with the black background and run-on sentences? Buy me a drink and then take me home for some sweaty, spinning rotisserie chicken."

So, Korea. This was my third [or fourth] visit to the motherland (my memory is worse than the abandoned Iomega Zip Disk - I am having a difficult time absorbing my experience there, and I fear that words will not do justice in thoroughly communicating how my visit affected me. As a fan and promoter of clichés, I will go ahead and declare that I felt a true connection to the country. This has been the difficult aspect of my trip to put words to since my interpersonal encounters there were few and my Korean language skills are barely conversational. At the moment, I am left with the fact that this was the first time I felt like I [to some extent] looked like everyone else and just blended into the community. Growing up in the Midwest, I was the less "exotic" and more "different looking" kid who was good at math and obedient to his parents.

The classical music scene in Korea is highly competitive. I spoke to another trumpet player from France who currently holds the principal trumpet position of an orchestra in Taiwan. He told me that orchestras in Korea were supposedly the best in Asia due to the amount of money the country puts into the arts along with the number of Korean Juilliard graduates who return to the mothership. I also found out (from a different source) that the Shinsegae Orchestra (the best orchestra in Korea, formerly the KBS Orchestra) hold auditions every year for every position. EVERY YEAR! So there is no tenure or job security. There is also no such thing as a 60 or 70 year old violinist who looks comatose and is barely keeping up with the rest of the orchestra. Or an 80 year old trumpet player who held onto his job 30 years too long (53 years total) and missed one too many notes for my taste yet held onto the love and respect of trumpet players all around the world.

My audition was fine. I've realized that when I put the horn to my face, I will either play like I usually play, or I won't. This puts all or most of my performance outcome on my preparation and not on superstitions, human error, or Jesus. I think this also leaves open the fact that I can play extremely well, and it will not be "normal." So, I played like I usually play - the rest was up to the audition committee, and was out of my hands. I didn't pass into the next round.

This left me the rest of the trip to explore and eat. I ate about 5-6 meals per day and gained 11lbs. over the ten days of my stay. I found it very interesting how cheap the food was and how abundant food stands and restaurants are. I counted on the bus ride to the subway 24 food joints on one 1/8 mile block. Delicious.

I should preface that not everything in Korea is cheap. My mom was meeting with old friends from medical school and they all brought gifts and took us out to eat. They would take us to hotels or really high end restaurants serving non-Korean food. Gross. They paid $80 a head for a buffet at the Hilton by Namsan Tower. Cauliflower au gratin? Penne with tomato sauce? Needless to say, I went out again to eat [twice] after that dinner.

Korean gift giving is atrocious. Would you ever give an old friend [from high school] a $10,000 Swarovski diamond necklace? Or your high school friend's son a dress shirt or watch worth more than the clothes on his back (minus my jeans - my PBJs with age and my thigh imprints worth more than your car!)? And then would you take them out to a shitty Chinese restaurant (IN KOREA) that costs more than what I spend on food in two months? We were spoiled, no kidding, but I was still unhappy with it. Anyway, if you ever go to Korea, stick to Korean food and stay away from department stores - it's just not worth it [I say, as I rub the soreness this gold watch is placing on my supple wrist].

The coffee in Korea is much better now - Nescafe and instant "powder" coffee is out and extremely expensive coffee is in. I paid $12 for a fresh ground, personal drip coffee and it was good. Above is a roaster/cafe called Coffee Happy just outside of Seoul. The owner did his barista training in Japan and is all about the flannel drip coffee (pictured below).

So I'll end with a short list of what you should do if you ever make a visit to Korea with a snappy title.

"Things that all proper men should do when visiting Korea."

1. If you wear glasses, change up your lens or just buy another pair. With an Rx like mine, lenses in the U.S. cost me over $300 - after 2 years worth of scratches, I had them replaced in Myungdong for $40 - equal quality, if not better (i.e. thinner and less like coke bottles)

2. Buy a suit. Custom suits will cost no more than $500 (just stay away from department stores, where the prices are ridiculously expensive) and an off-rack is around $200. You shouldn't worry about looking square like most Chinese suits, these fits are so modern you could wear them in space

3. Repair your shoes - and don't pay more than $10.

4. Get some gnarley electronics in Yangson - most things can be bargained down to 30% cheaper than the best price you can find online.

5. Eat (and drink) a lot, for crazy cheap.

In other news, I just quit my job, like an hour ago.

whale watching is far superior to bird watching

2008-03-27T20:20:00.006-05:00

Hawaii is nice. I'm sitting here on the patio of our ocean side condo, trying to decide if I prefer the Pacific Ocean over the Atlantic. It's taken me a few years to actually appreciate the ocean - I guess I'm more of a super serene, super quiet mountain guy (think Aspen or Banff without the rich folk and the colored people serving them). I guess Hawaii has the best of both since it is a group of submerged volcanoes, but I think it's safe to say that most people here spend more time on the beach than they do in the volcano.

So I'm out here with my girlfriend's family (minus a few key members) on Maui, making the most of the weather, and enjoying the escape from the Midwestern snow and suck. I'm supposed to do a whole post on her, something like a "Celebration of Liz," but I'm afraid it will:
1) piss off the tens of tens (opposed to white people's tens of thousands current readers) - minus one
2) deter potential subscribers to this fine online publication
3) never be good enough - in other words, incomplete and insufficient - to one particular reader's expectations

So, I'll drop a blurb about our wild and unique relationship. Unlike most couples, we never fight or argue. Also, we spend our weekends at the zoo, mimicking the apes by picking the bugs out of our mate's hair and then eating them. I'm not trying to boast or show you that my relationship is better than yours, but, in fact, it is.

We've been dating for about five years (not really sure, but she isn't either, which makes it ok), will potentially get married in another five (if I'm still alive and if she has a new attraction to diabetics), and will give our kids up for adoption and use the money to adopt children from another country. Hopefully this kid will be able to speak in his/her native tongue so I can learn new languages; perhaps a child from France or Uzbekistan, and most definitely two or three Himalayan Whistle children.

Many young couples see themselves with their mates traveling the world, growing old, and then residing in a location similar to where I am now. Not us. I see myself at age seventy-three, rushing through my tasks at the café and punching out early, racing home in my dad's car but feeling clever about having already packed the suitcase, picking Liz up from our three bedroom apartment (pre-furnished), driving down to Chicago, and meeting our serial killer son for a taping of Jerry Springer with his Polynesian girlfriend and our Afro-Asian-American grandson...and their Kenyan babysitter.

So, stop pitying yourself if you see your future being dismal or incomplete - start setting goals like we have and you'll be bound for potential or partial happiness. Stop being a Charlie Brown and put on a "Joan Rivers" face.

In other news, I'm trekking to Korea two short days after my return from Hawaii - going to eat some food, see some fam, take an audition, and then swallow and eat more food. I'd like to focus my next post on classical music, and how to get you all interested. It would help if you could leave a comment about why you feel it's difficult to find an interest, or even access classical music.

respek.

the best part of waking up....

2008-03-22T13:21:00.018-05:00

Ahh, raise your hand if you've had bad coffee. Keep your arm raised if you're consuming bad coffee at this moment.

Now put your arm down and dump out that coffee, dummy.

Remember the time when the good cartoons were broadcast on Saturday mornings? A time when Barney hadn't yet been brought back from extinction. Looney Tunes, Tom & Jerry, even Garfield. A time when it was acceptable for cartoon characters to emote through actions and not dialogue; classical music created the mood for each scene, followed by a long break; then Bugz dropped the funny. Remember that?

During this time, ground coffee commercials were run back-to-back: Folgers, Maxwell House, and Taster's Choice, among other Nescafé products. Large tin cans holding dry (i.e. oil-less), off-brown (but with an artificial sheen) coffee; it was usually odor-free until steeped with hot water.

Remember how the white male, wearing a Hanes white undershirt, slept in while his high school sweetheart housewife snuck out of bed to make coffee? She would take the tin can from their white, all-American kitchen cupboard and scoop a little dirty, brown callus rubbed off of someone's toe into the 1/8 cup measure and then place it in a filter. Of course, this is when the brown haired, ivy-league, cut male arose and took a deep breath of _________ and go downstairs for some coffee. Actually, I'll fill in the blank for you: loose stool.

Now, there is a clear exception to this, which is somewhat of a mystery to me. Diners. Especially greasy diners. Now, I have no idea what kind of coffee they use, and I admit that it isn't always good by itself - but after a late night of drinking [caffeinated soda while studying the Old Testament], it tastes great with some greasy eggs, bangers, and hash. Please take note - this does not weaken my original argument.

So, where does this leave us? McDonalds? Starbucks?

No.

As a barista and coffee "nancy," I ask you not to take your business to Starbucks. If you like your coffee hot and fast, then please go to McDonalds or "push-button" Starbucks. If you drink coffee, espresso, and espresso drinks for the actual flavors, I ask you to try to visit a real, usually local, café.

Now, I can't guarantee that this coffee is going to be exceptional; actually, it could end up being quite bad. If you want to find great coffee, find it here. I admit, the site isn't fully updated, but hopefully with more clicks and some time, it can become an actual resource to find good coffee.

If you find yourself in Wisconsin, I would check out Alterra or Café Soleil. A Madison (WI) standout is Bradburys, using beans from Viroqua, WI - all local and delicious. New York is proudly home to great cafés like Ninth Street Espresso and Café Grumpy while Brooklyn represents Gorilla Coffee and Gimme Coffe, to name a few. Intelligentsia is a shop with locations in L.A. and Chicago and offers an explosion of flavor - their Blackcat espresso is butters.

So, take a little time and effort to find the best cup for you. If you're afraid of a straight ristretto doppio (a double espresso - notice how I spell "espresso" - that is the way it should also be pronounced, not like an idiot-coward "exprexxo"), you shouldn't be. But if you're not convinced, try a macchiato - probably the best drink on this planet, when made correctly.

To all the café owners reading this: Please train your baristas. Also:
1) Start pulling standard ristrettos
2) Toss the Rancilio and purchase a Syneso or La Marzocco
3) Consider a triple-basket portafilter (without spouts)
4) Keep your artificial flavor list at Cocoa - customers who drink Vanilla-Carmel-Strawberry Lattes don't tip
5) No Half-caf - and once your shop is making some serious money - no decaf

Oh, if you want to act a fool and skip doing the dishes, check out this tomfoolery.

So give that 5-year old, unopened tin can of Folgers to the food pantry and visit your local café - if it's not good, then do some research and next time you're in a major city or a coffee city (Seattle or Portland), give it another shot. Also, even if your drink is bad, you should remember to tip your barista. And if your drink is good, you should get another one and tip more.

In conclusion,

TIP YOUR BARISTA.

i'm a musician. no, i'm not in a band...

2008-02-24T18:02:00.017-06:00

6am flight to Baltimore. Ok. So my chauffeur-girlfriend can drop me off at the airport and hopefully pick me up when I return. Flight: $384. Thanks, Orbitz.

Do I know anybody in Baltimore? Of course not. Well, I do have a 12 year old cousin who's going to boarding school out there who I haven't spoken to in about, 11 years. I wonder if an all-girls boarding school would be cool with a 23 y/o male sleeping on the floor in the student dorm. From what I remember, my cousin could be a boy - I'm the worst when it comes to gender recognition for children under the age of 13. That's why most people I meet with kids probably think that I am totally uninterested in their child because I don't say anything beyond "oh, a baby." Notice, I don't ask "how old is she?" or "what's her name?" - I couldn't stand the awkwardness awaiting "oh, HE'S actually a BOY and HIS name is Elroy, which is a BOY'S name."

Ok, so roughly $90/night at A Downtown Hotel which is four blocks from Symphony Hall. At least I'm saving money on transportation. So, my two nights of restless sleep thanks to the procreating neighbors: $200.

Food? Well, so far I'm spending close to $600 so I probably shouldn't eat. But seriously - three days and two nights? Maybe $4 for an overpriced box of cereal and $3 for an overpriced bottle of water which will see tap water refills and then an airport interrogation room recycling basket after I unknowingly leave it in my trumpet case at airport security and miss my flight.

Now I have to consider the audition list. Fifteen excerpts given, five of which will be heard in the first round. Beethoven's Leonore No. 2 is first, then Mussorgsky's opening "Promenade" from Pictures at an Exhibition. Not bad. In fact, I know and have practiced all of the excerpts on the list - I could probably play most from memory. But that's not what should be in consideration - it's whether or not I can play them perfectly, at one shot, at any time of day, in the worst conditions possible, and under all the pressures of an audition. And I have one month to prepare.

Now comes the preparation logistics by numbers. So, practicing 8 hours/day for at least 6 days of the week leaves me one or two 6-7 hour shifts at the cafe and my regular studio teaching schedule. I could probably end up ahead $700 for the month. $200 after I pay rent - if I don't eat and ride my bike out to rehearsals at UW-Whitewater.

So, should I take the audition?

Probably not. Here's why:

Girlfriend drops me off at the Airport. I arrive around 9am and my luggage is lost. No worries, I wore my suit so I didn't have to fold it and carried my trumpets onboard. I go to the hotel to check in and warm up. I arrive at Symphony Hall an hour before my audition time, take "Trumpet #39" card and find 45 other trumpet players warming up, playing through the excerpts as loud and fast as possible - some are even having unofficial range contests. No sweat, only suckers let this get to their nerves.

I walk into the audition. The hall is completely dim except for the stage. Multiple carpets lead to the music stand at the front of the stage with music set up, out of order. The lights are hot. The audition proctor shouts, "Auditionee Number Thirty-Nine!" and whispers to me, "whenever you're ready" and then goes back to reading her book. I flip through the music and find Beethoven's Leonore #2. The lights are so hot.

Already sweating, I look out at the dim audience only to see a screened off portion with the audition committee behind it. One of them cracks open a can of soda while another seems to be flipping through pages and lets out a loud sigh, probably thinking "Ugh, great, number 39 and 40, then lunch. I'm so thirsty. Jim was smart to bring a can of soda."

I take a long, deep breath and start playing. Great, things are going well. My sound is projecting and my body is responding accordingly. Halfway through the Leonore, I start to worry about finding the music for the next excerpt, Pictures at an Exhibition.

"Thank You."

What? Did someone say something while I was playing? Should I just keep playing?

"Ok. Thanks"

Wait, I'm not done playing Leonore. What? Thanks? You're welcome. Don't you want to hear me play some more?

"Thank you. Proctor, please bring in Auditionee Number 40."

That's fucking bullshit. I put my trumpets into my case, sweat dripping from my face and leave the hall. "That was quick," #40 says as he enters the hall. I regret not stealing the copy of Leonore off the music stand.

So, now I have two nights in Baltimore, a box of cereal, a bottle of water, and the clothes on my back. Maybe I can return the cereal and get a six-pack. Along with the desire to finish the six-pack as fast as possible is getting an earlier flight home and getting the hell out of Baltimore, but that costs an extra $100. I hate Baltimore.

Finally, upon my return from the audition, there's the big question to answer, "How was the audition?"

Well, I didn't win. I didn't make it into the finals, or even the next round. I didn't even make it to the second excerpt, in fact, I didn't even finish the first excerpt.

Then I'll be given the pitiful, "Well, was it at least a learning experience?"

Not only is it awkward while I try and think of how to answer this, but what do I say? Did I learn that more preparation would lead to the complete elimination of human error or defy the phenomenon of chance? Would a different approach to the technique of practicing make me better than the other 60 trumpet players? Should I have chosen my lightweight cotton suit instead of black wool? Maybe a headband?

"No."