Flavour of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Sat, 09 Jan 2016 09:24:00 +0000

Just Be Yourself?

With two boys at home, I have the painful privilege of watching Hollywood kid films such as How to Tame a Dragon and Brave on repeat. I’ve noticed a running theme in these movies that we didn’t get growing up. The message? “Be yourself, no matter what other people think – even your own parents.”

Take the relationship between Hiccup and his father, Stoick, in How to Tame a Dragan. Hiccup doesn’t want to be what his father wants him to and yet he doesn’t want to let his father down. While Hiccup feels the pressure of wanting to live up to his father’s expectations, by the end, Stoick finally accepts Hiccup as he is and even learns to appreciate their differences.

Similarly, in Kung Fu Panda, Po pursues the path he chooses for himself despite the disapproval of his adoptive father. By the end, Mr Ping accepts Po and where his passion leads him.

In Brave, Queen Elinor loves her daughter Merida but goes to great lengths to thwart and dismiss Merida's desires for the life she wants for herself. But, of course, it’s a happy ending for everyone.

In Mulan, the heroine refuses to fit into cultural stereotypes. The film shows the reality of worrying about social pressures, family expectations and gender inequality.

These movies tell our kids to discover themselves, be true to whatever it is they discover and then follow their hearts. But this isn’t the message we get in our everyday lives: in fact, we’re often told to be anything but ourselves.

Culturally, we are raised to conform to our parent’s expectations and adopt societal norms. Our child shows a natural inclination to music and the arts, but we force them to the sciences. A girl hates to wear dresses, but we put her in one anyway. Our son shows no interest in getting married, yet we pester him every day to “settle down”. Instead of being encouraged to pursue our dreams, we’re often shot down at every turn. Differences are not valued nor understood as they are in the movies our kids are watching.

Our children don’t always turn out the way we hope or expect. The way I see it, part of my job as a parent is to study my children, determine their strengths and their gifts and nurture their interests. I don’t let my hopes for their futures cloud the vision that is naturally growing in them. I know that perfect scores at school won’t determine my children’s success and happiness in life. I want to help them be true to who they are, discover their callings in life and explore and pursue them. It’s the only way I see them developing, learning and growing from their mistakes and contributing freely and fully to our world.

I Ask the Expert

Child Development & Parenting Specialist Sirsa Qursha

Q: Are children exactly how they should be at a given point in time and will learn from the natural consequences of their choices or are children moulded by parental influence and it is our job to teach them how to be in this world?

Qursha: Parents often forget that children are born with “pre-set” temperaments and abilities. Nevertheless, over the course of development, children also change due to influences from their environment (be it parenting and cultural influences or life experiences). It’s key that parents realise two very important things; accepting your child for who he is, unconditionally, is paramount. It’s the building block of a positive sense of self for your child. The other important factor to consider is the need to parent consciously, realising how our actions and reactions to our children shape their everyday development. Whether it’s accepting your child with a severe developmental delay or a defiant child who is quite headstrong, the secret of good parenting is embracing differences and assisting your child in realising his full potential – not your own version of that potential.

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Fri, 01 Jan 2016 20:27:00 +0000

Winter Baking:

Warm Baked Apples

As temperatures drop in Jordan, I like to keep the cool weather at bay by indulging in simple yet decadent desserts like baked apples!

Ingredients

Large baking apples, washed

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 cup chopped pecans (optional)

1/4 cup chopped raisins (optional)

3/4 cup boiling water

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 190°C

2. Using an apple corer, cut out the cores, leaving the bottom 1/2 inch of the apples intact

3. Place the brown sugar, cinnamon, pecans and raisins (if using) in a small bowl and stir to combine

4. Put the apples in a baking dish and stuff each apple with the sugar stuffing mixture

5. Place a little butter on top of the sugar

6. Pour the boiling water into the bottom of the baking dish and bake for 30 to 45 minutes until the apples are cooked through and tender, but not overcooked and mushy

7. When done, remove the apples from the oven and top with vanilla sauce (you can find packs in the supermarket) or vanilla ice cream

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Thu, 24 Dec 2015 15:51:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 20:25:00 +0000

The Best Christmas Gift?

It's the holidays and, as every year, my in-laws ask what I want for Christmas. What's the latest gadget, the latest trend, something I want and long to have? For the first 30 years of my life, I always had an answer for what I want, that gift voucher, that accessory, that camera or smart phone. Now I have my eyes on a particular watch but even that isn't so important to me as it once would have been. The best Christmas gift I know I'll be getting this year is the one I'm giving myself: Gratitude.

Two old albums I listened to recently (one by the Indigo Girls and the other by Diana Krall) took me down memory lane as I reminisced of times I shared with the two people they remind me of. I knew each of them at different times in my life and both for a total of two years, yet those two years are worth a lifetime. I will probably never see or talk to them again but the impact they had on me is timeless. They were such an integral part of my self-exploration and self-discovery that a piece of them will remain entrenched in my mind and heart long after they exited my life. I am forever grateful.

So who are the people you're grateful for? Why do they matter to you? And would they still hold significance to you even if they were no longer in your life? Even if they were to never reach out to you or you to them?

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Mon, 21 Dec 2015 21:17:00 +0000

It’s Not About Perfect

Most mornings start the same in our apartment in West Amman. At six a.m., I fetch Omar’s undergarments and school uniform. In the kitchen, I spread paprika-seasoned hummus onto toasted German bread and top it with tomato slices.

“Guten Morgen. Hast du gut geschlafen?” I wake up Omar who's unresponsive and there begins the rush of seeing him out the door in time to catch the bus to school.

***

It’s seven a.m. and Shareef has begun his morning ritual of wiggles and mumblings. “Five more minutes, habiby,” I murmur as I dry the last few dishes. At the start of “mama mama mama,” I spring to his call.

“Sabah al-khair Shareefo!” I greet him beaming. I know he needs to be changed and fed. A swarm of work emails need to be addressed. But this moment, with Shareef hanging on to me so tightly, is fleeting. With his little hands caressing my hair and hazelnut brown eyes gazing into mine, I can almost hear him say, “Mama, you are the world to me.”

It doesn’t matter to him whether I’m slender, smart, tidy or rich. He loves me just the way I am. Omar is a different story. At seven years old, he would rather watch Ninjago than read a story with me. This is the fate of most parents. Those morning smiles have all but vanished and, while he still hugs me goodnight, it’s usually prompted by his father’s insistence. With Omar, I rushed through those precious morning rituals to make sure I got to work on time. With Shareef, the world can just wait for a few minutes.

***

Shareef likes to take his time eating his breakfast, so between spoonfuls of oatmeal, he listens with fascination and amusement to my off-key singing of his favourite tunes, like ‘Baba wa Mama bihabuni…’. I try to savour this precious moment with him, but my to-do list starts to creep in. I have a dozen emails to write and just as many articles to edit. There’s housework. I have to give Shareef a bath, cut his nails and make his food (it’s mujadara today). Then there’s getting myself ready before we head out for errands – taking a shower and exercising are huge achievements for a work-at-home mother!

***

With my yellow mat out and blue dumbbells in hand, I’m set to sweat to Jillian Michaels, my kick-butt personal DVD trainer.

I was a chubby kid who would sacrifice fun with friends and classmates to avoid being seen in a bathing suit and I never wore shorts. I don’t think I ever owned a pair.

Just when I’m about to fold on that last core move and cave in to the inner voice that says, “You’re not worth it,” Jillian speaks to me through my television screen. “It's not about perfect,” she says. “It's about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that's where transformation happens. That's how change occurs.”

***

The bus beeps, announcing Omar’s return from school. “How was your day?” I ask. “Fine.” “What did you do today?” I prompt. “Nothing,” he says. Between feeding the boys, getting Omar changed and sitting him down for homework, I try to think of other ways to ask the same question. “So, Omar, was Ms. Jackson happy or sad today?” I ask. This elicits a more specific response, if just as short. Of all the obscure courses I took during my undergraduate and graduate studies, Parenting 101 was not among them. I sure could use it now.

***

With the kids tucked in bed, I unwind over back-to-back episodes of my favourite television shows. I’m supposed to be working: I should be editing articles, coordinating with writers and experts and planning future editions. When I reach for the fridge to get milk for my late-night coffee fix, the blank magnetic notepad stares me in the face. The laundry needs folding. But all of it can wait.

After all, it’s not about perfect.

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Thu, 10 Dec 2015 21:08:00 +0000

Gratitude for the New Year

The beginning of every year is a hopeful time. We make a decision to improve something with ourselves. At the very least, we have intentions, if not an entire strategy, to edit aspects of our lives that we don’t like.

But for 2016, I have a different kind of New Year's Resolution and that's gratitude. Rather than focus on changing the things I don’t like about myself, I'll be looking at all the things that I'm pleased with.

Being grateful for family, for deepened relationships, for good health and so on. It's about striving to embrace all that we have in life, all the people we love, and all the stories we create in the moments that we’ve been given.

In this "gratitude" post, I ask others, "What Does Family Mean To You":

Samar Sabha

Life Coach and Creativity & Design Thinking Trainer

Family is a safe place that’s free of judgment, honours differences and is full of hugs, “I love you”, “I care about you”, “I support you”, “I will not let you down”, “I am here for you” and “You are great and beautiful as you are”. Where do I place my family according to my own definition? I give myself seven out 10. Some moments I give myself 10 out of 10 and sometimes I decide to do better next time.

Dr Sahar Jumean

Paediatric Dentist

Family is morning coffee with my spouse and mayhem trying to rush the kids out of the house in time for school. It's laughing uncontrollably with my siblings and a hug from a parent that feels like home. Family is strolling on a beach collecting seashells and opening gifts Christmas morning. It's hand-me-downs that are so precious. Family is chaotic order, it's knowing that someone is just a phone call away willing to drop everything in a heartbeat for you; unconditional love despite time or distance.

Sheela Sheth

Food Contributor

Family is inspiration, strength, support and providence. A light at the end of the tunnel.

Karma Khalidi

Early Childhood Teacher

Family is all the people around me who have made a mark on who I am today – mostly in a positive way. Some of the people I consider family are actually friends who’ve shared special moments with me. As a mother, I also understand that family is unmeasurable love. I feel blessed to have a loving and supportive family that pushes me to excel and simply makes my life worth living.

Rula Wardeh Sakkab

Yoga Instructor

I see my yoga students as family – those I share similar interests, dreams and lifestyles. My second cousin is family even though we have totally different interests. My closest friend is like family because we understand and can forgive each other. With family, I don’t feel judged, even when I have unintentionally done or said something wrong. But I don’t take them for granted – family it is still a relationship that needs to be nurtured with compassion.

Dr Marwan Jumean

Cardiologist

Family includes all those we love, trust and respect and these are the cornerstones of a happy family. My siblings and I are lucky to have been raised on such a foundation. My family is my support system; they are there for me when I need them the most. My wife and I try to raise our kids the same way our families raised us: to love, respect, motivate and support each other; what affects one family member, affects the family as a whole.

Razan Shwayhat

Dietician

“My family is my life” may seem like a cliché but when you read between the lines, you understand that it means:

“I” is no longer “myself”

I take care of myself for them

They are in my thoughts, prayers and plans – everything is oriented around them

It’s the place I always want to go to and where I feel safe

Noor Sa'adeh

Blogger & Production Manager

The passage and journey of life is much more apparent with a family. Birth, death, marriage, successes and failures are all shared and create many opportunities to see one another to check in and check up. You are loved by family “just because”. There is no need to prove yourself or to be sought after only for what you can do for others. The unconditional love of family, even when these relationships are tested by the stresses of life, overcomes all.

Sally Hurst

Private Chef & Food Blogger

Family are those we depended on to be the one constant in our lives. Growing up in different countries, friends would change, apartments would be different, languages unfamiliar, schools would be new, but my parents and sisters would remain the same. My husband's Jordanian Circassian family has embraced me warmly and with enthusiasm. Their smiles, hugs and habibatees break through any cultural barriers that might exist.

Banan Gharaibeh

Food Blogger

I realised how much my family is truly my treasure this year when my youngest son graduated. At that moment, I truly didn't regret quitting and refusing long hours at a pharmaceutical company or having my own pharmacy. Nowadays, I’m happy as a food blogger and my whole family participates with food and setup ideas!

Zeina Shahzada-Majali

Assistant Director at National Press

Family is my heart, my strength, my happiness. I don't only consider my kin as close family but also some of my friends who’ve been with me through thick and thin. Even colleagues I've worked with for over a decade have become my family. One of the most beautiful qualities of our part of the world is how family remains deeply rooted in our society.

Dr Josi Salem-Pickartz

Clinical Psychologist

I owe who I am, in all positive and negative aspects, to the family that I come from. In our current family, we are a great team and very good, close friends. We can rely on each other, trust each other and understand and respect each other’s unique personalities. Family is the soil in which a person grows and the water that she needs to develop her personality and potential to its fullest.

Sonia Salfity

Contributor

Family is sharing of laughter and tears during good times and bad. These memories are like a beacon of light that can shine on the darkest of days, bringing joy even when things aren't going my way. Family can encompass so much when we allow ourselves to open up and be courageous and authentic. I am grateful that I belong to a God who shows me how to love and how to accept love from others. Suddenly, I don't focus on shortcomings but on the endless blessings that flow through these relationships.

Dr Amjad Jumai'an

Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist

As a child psychiatrist and father, I know very well that a child’s wellbeing is dependent on his family’s wellbeing. For me, family is a group of people that work cohesively, are open to one another about their thoughts, are not afraid to share their shortcomings and to learn from their mistakes. They make decisions together and subsequently have self-respect and mutual respect.

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Mon, 07 Dec 2015 16:06:00 +0000

Hidden Veggie Smoothie

We already know the importance of children getting enough fruit and vegetables into their daily diet. However, finding a way to get little ones to eat two to four servings of fruit and three to five servings of vegetables every day can be tough – I know it’s tough with my two boys. Sneakiness is needed for my picky eaters. You too can help your child get the recommended daily amounts of both fruits and veggies with this smoothie.

Ingredients

1 cup low-fat milk

½ cup orange juice

1 banana, peeled

1 apple, cut up

¼ cup strawberries, blueberries or pineapple

1 tbsp honey

¼ cup plain yoghurt

1 carrot, peeled

1 cucumber

1 cup cauliflower

Directions

1. Pour milk into the blender

2. Add your fruits, veggies, honey and yoghurt. Add milk or orange juice if it gets too thick

3. Put blender on a high setting for a minute or two

4. Serve immediately. For toddlers, serve in a cup with a straw

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 10:30:00 +0000

3 December is International Day of Persons with Disability

Only around 3% of children with disabilities in Jordan receive any form of education, according to the Higher Council for Affairs of People with Disabilities (HCD)

In an interview with Family Flavours last May, Prince Mir’ed bin Ra’ad, President of HCD, said, “Inclusion is important for all of us – people with disabilities and people without.” Inclusion is not just about ramps, Braille or signing, he adds. "It entails the adoption of an education philosophy for all.”

You may recall The Jordan Times article last April about a 20-year-old woman with a mental disability who spent the past 15 years chained to the staircase in her family’s house, except at bedtime. You may also recall the case of a father who pushed his disabled son off a building and then burned his body. Sadly, there are many such accounts.

Although stories like these are upsetting to many of us who embrace people of all abilities and disabilities, are we doing enough to reach out to families who struggle? Sure, we can be angry with the parents who keep their children locked up or worse, but aren't our own stereotypes and judgement part of the large scale problem of abuse that we see across Jordan?

Lina Masri, national coordinator of Faith and Light Jordan, once admitted to me what so many people think, "I was afraid of them [people with disabilities] and didn’t want to be around them. Their life has no purpose."

Like Lina, I was deeply impacted by a visit to Bait Al Mahaba (Home of Love) in Ruseifeh for children with severe disabilities and are either orphaned or abandoned by their families. For Lina, it was "a test of whether or not I truly love the way I was taught to love all my life.”

Lina began to visit Yousef there until his tragic death at the age of three. Although she was deeply affected by his passing, a nun reminded her, "There are many Yousefs out there, and they’re all in need of our love.” That was the beginning of Lina’s lifetime commitment to spreading love to an often neglected part of society.

Faith and Light is made up of those with disabilities, their families and friends. It’s a community that shares in each other’s hardships and each other’s joys and celebrations. Faith and Light recognizes that people need more than food and shelter; they need love. “Everywhere now, people have to be intelligent, attractive and strong to be loved," Lina once told me. At Faith and Light, people are loved as they are, with all their shortcomings, and they don’t have to change for others to love them.

For the disabled, they have the opportunity to recognise and use their gifts and discover the joy of friendship. Lina explains that friendship does wonders to help people with disabilities. Lina recalls Ibshara, a young man who used to hit people, but after joining Faith and Light and gaining trust in people, he ceased to hit. Raed is an example of someone who was emotionally scarred after hearing people in the streets throw insults at him. When he would hear the word ‘muaq’ (disabled) he would throw a tantrum, but not anymore. Lina says, “He doesn’t think of those bullies anymore. He knows he has people who love him. The word can no longer hurt him.”

To parents, Faith and Light offers support and helps them to better appreciate the inner beauty and gifts of their children. A number of them become a source of strength to other parents who suffer.

Faith and Light is always looking for volunteers to broaden their friendship network. Age doesn’t matter – they have children and adults up to age 70! What they’re mainly looking for is commitment. “Children and adults with disabilities find it extremely difficult to get attached and then find that someone gets married and discontinues the friendship; they feel abandoned,” Lina says. “Anyone can start something, but not everyone can continue the journey that is so important in what we do.”

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 06:33:00 +0000

Can You Spot the Difference?

Can you spot the difference in this gingerbread house? If you can, there's a good chance you'll win a prize and you even get to pick it (from a choice of five gifts). There may be a couple of differences but I am looking for one in particular that is apparent in every photo.

If you reside in Jordan, respond to the competition announcement at www.familyflavours.com or email lhaddad@almarjipublications.com with your answer. Please note that a draw will take place in the event of multiple correct entries and the winner's name will be announced here at Flavour of the Day (www.familyflavours.net). Two more competitions are coming up!

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 05:38:00 +0000

Happy 1st of December!

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Mon, 30 Nov 2015 06:44:00 +0000

My tough critic gave me a thumbs up on this one!

Tis the Season for Carrot Cake!

The applesauce and pineapple in this recipe make this cake deliciously moist

Ingredients

4 eggs

1/2 cup butter, softened

1/2 cup applesauce

1 can crushed pineapple, drained

1/2 cup white sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4 tsp nutmeg

3 tsp vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

2 tsp baking soda

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp ground cinnamon

3 cups grated carrots

1 cup chopped pecans

1/2 cup butter, softened

220g cream cheese, softened

1 cup confectioners' sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

Pecans for garnishing

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 175 degrees C. Grease and flour a cake pan

2. In a large bowl, beat together eggs, oil, sugar, applesauce, and three teaspoons vanilla

3. Mix in flour, pineapple, baking soda, baking powder, nutmeg, salt and cinnamon

4. Stir in carrots. Fold in pecans. Pour into prepared pan

4. Bake in the oven for 40 to 50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the centre of the cake comes out clean. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely

5. To make frosting, in a medium bowl, combine butter, cream cheese, confectioners' sugar and one teaspoon vanilla. Beat until the mixture is smooth and creamy

6. Stir in chopped pecans

7. Frost the cooled cake and garnish with pecans

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Thu, 26 Nov 2015 08:51:00 +0000

(Published in Family Flavours November 2015)

Giving Thanks in Style!

By Laura Haddad

Although Thanksgiving is traditionally a holiday in the United States and Canada, more and more people in Jordan are coming together to celebrate fall and give thanks. Here's how we celebrated with multicultural family members and friends.

The Decorations

Pumpkins are a fun way to decorate any gathering this season. Instead of using a traditional vase for flowers, put your arrangement in carved-out pumpkins!

I wanted to incorporate the beautiful colours of fall with green and orange. Bookstores and gift shops in Amman are selling Thanksgiving-themed decorations, including the napkins shown here

Guests got to share what they are thankful for. Each guest wrote down their response and hung them on the branches of the centrepieces

These white spray-painted pumpkins kept us in the Thanksgiving theme of giving thanks

Because our guests were from different countries, we decorated these candles with flags to add another personal touch to the festive evening

I displayed the dinner menu in this golden frame

The Food

The traditional main course for Thanksgiving is turkey, but stuffing comes in a lot of variations. Traditional American stuffing usually consists of dried bread, croutons, onion, celery, salt, pepper and other spices and herbs. For the Jordanian palette, we made a rice and minced meat stuffing. Of course, any turkey slice has to be topped with gravy! We served a variety of salads to please every kind of guest!

My American sister-in-law made sweet potatoes, another American staple

Our turkey and pumpkin-themed desserts were big hits. You can get any bakery in Amman to design a themed cake or set of cupcakes

Although traditional favourites are apple pie or crumble and pumpkin pie or cheesecake, our dinner was a fusion of cultures, so we served up knafeh, a Jordanian cheese pastry dessert

Event styling

Need some extra help with decorating for your holiday events? Check out:

*Pelion Design

*Style My Table

*Party in a Box

*Celebrations Event Planners

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Wed, 25 Nov 2015 12:27:00 +0000

Picture-perfect families. That's what we see almost daily on our Facebook news feed and in our monthly magazines. Big smiles. What we don't see is behind closed doors. For International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, we open the door.

Somehow, we imagine an abuse survivor to appear visibly weak, timid, victimized. We assume we would know and see from their faces the trauma they are going through or have endured. But this is far from true. In fact, you can be sure that someone you know is or has suffered physical, sexual and/or emotional abuse and that someone may very well be masking this secret behind a bright smile.

This is not surprising when "in Jordan, 57 per cent of female victims of violence refrain from reporting it because they fear the social stigma and the reaction of their families," UN Women Representative to Jordan Giuseppe Belsito told The Jordan Times. Today, the Jordanian National Commission for Women (JNCW) launched a 16 Days of Action Campaign with stakeholders that include ARDD-Legal Aid and USAID Takamol Gender Programme.

And, as local and global statistics indicate, abusers are more likely to be people we know, and could well be people we care about, including close family. What makes it even more difficult for abuse survivors is functioning in a society where an individual's needs, including her safety and wellbeing, are often overlooked or suppressed in order to protect and safeguard family reputation.

In an article published in Family Flavours magazine, "Off Limits", the author debunks myths, including our stereotypes of what an abuser looks and acts like: "My predator was – and remains today – a kind and soft-spoken person, a family man and an exemplary member of the community who’s always the first on the scene to help anyone. How can such a ‘good’ person do ‘bad’ things? This is a question that has driven me most of my life to try to understand – not excuse – what happened to me."

More from Family Flavours' "Off Limits":

Sexual abuse can entail the forcing of unwanted sexual activity by one person on another by use of threats or coercion. It includes oral sex, intercourse, fingering, fondling – anything sexual – that you didn’t agree to and that makes you feel uncomfortable, scared or threatened. “Most sexual abuse doesn’t start with rape, but a form of ‘grooming’ that gets the child comfortable with increasing degrees of sexual intimacy,” says Wendy Merdian, an Amman-based resident expert in sexual abuse, having trained over 150 women in Jordan as well as others in Turkey, Iraq, the United States and across Europe in principles of emotional and spiritual recovery. “This emotional hooking that often precedes the physical act can include exposure to pornography, ‘helping’ pre-teens bathe or shower, ‘checking’ for supposed infections, using sexual terminology that’s inappropriate and offensive, making the child a confidante to ‘help with problems’,” she adds.

The ultimate betrayal

Despite the stereotypical image we have, abusers usually do not look like monsters and it is relatively rare for them to be strangers. The majority of abuse is based on coercion rather than force; giving in doesn’t mean that you agreed to have sex. Often times, abuse is perpetrated by someone we trust and care about within our social sphere – a relative, a family friend, a teacher or trainer. It can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, socio-economic background, religion, physical appearance, sexuality, intellect or ability.

My predator was – and remains today – a kind and soft-spoken person, a family man and an exemplary member of the community who’s always the first on the scene to help anyone. How can such a ‘good’ person do ‘bad’ things? This is a question that has driven me most of my life to try to understand – not excuse – what happened to me.

The emotional toll

The majority of survivors never report the abuse often because they are afraid of other people’s reactions; they may feel deep humiliation and shame at having been victimised or they may fear getting in trouble or being judged. As a child, I wasn’t believed by my parents and the shame and judgement that sprung from ignorance only deepened the long-term emotional wounds of abuse. Throughout it all, I seemed ‘normal’ to everyone because I would automatically numb myself, deaden my emotions and mentally escape my body; I could function without fully experiencing the emotional impact as a self-defence mechanism

Dr Josi Salem-Pickartz calls dissociation, its clinical term. Dr Salem-Pickartz describes the emotional toll abuse has on many survivors: “Be they men or women, common symptoms include anxiety and mistrust, feeling powerless, self-doubts, self-disgust and feelings of guilt. For the survivor, even the protective environment of a clinical setting or self-help group does not lessen the pain of acknowledging that this happened.”

Shutting down is a learned response that continues even today as a protective mechanism for avoiding anxiety and having to confront my emotions. Merdian explains that ‘shutting down’ is a method of protecting oneself from further pain. “Others do this in different ways: becoming aggressive and using anger to keep others away, becoming very outwardly religious to try and ‘earn’ God’s favour, while others develop a carefree attitude where nothing matters,” she says. Each method affects the victim’s ability to achieve intimate emotional relationships.

A culture of silence

Our society perpetuates huge double standards, where sexual feelings and expression are acceptable for men but unacceptable for women, and maintains that women provoke unwanted sexual advances – and even rape – by their appearance, behaviour or mere existence. Sexual harassment or rape is never the victim's fault; it is the result of a culture (be it in Western societies or here in the Middle East) that promotes male dominance. It's the extreme expression of a continuum that ranges from sex-role stereotyping and sexist remarks to sex-based discrimination and, ultimately, to actual sexual harassment and violence against women. Merdian further explains the deep seeded cultural belief that “men innately can’t control themselves”. This widespread assumption gives men a carte blanche for sexual abuse and places the sole responsibility on women to keep men ‘safe from temptation’, she says.

How we raise our children

A great number of offenders are unaware that their behaviour is offensive or they are unaware of the seriousness of it. Some otherwise ‘good’ men have a thwarted idea that if a woman doesn’t verbally and forcefully express alarm then she must welcome the advance.

Most ‘respectful’ teenage boys learn about sexual intimacy through their friends and what they see portrayed on television and in the movies. These sources promote disrespectful behaviour by teaching males that if they are ‘smooth’, they can just make their moves and the person will want them.

This is why our role as parents is about more than seeing our children succeed in school or in their career path. It also entails teaching self-respect and respect for others. It doesn’t mean teaching our boys to simply open doors for a woman, but teaching our children to:

*Not curse or name-call using words for sex and sexual organs

*Hold their friend, girlfriend, fiancée or wife in the highest esteem which means not pressuring her to do anything she is uncomfortable with

*Not tolerate any forms of disrespect. When a person believes in herself, she is more likely to make the right decision in difficult moments. Those with low self-esteem are more likely to lower their standards to please their partner or another abuser — a very dangerous and unhealthy practice

*Avoid disrespecting any woman (or man) by making crude comments or advances, regardless of how they dress or behave

Your body is yours alone

No one has the right to force or pressure you into sex – not even your husband. Even if you have already had intercourse, it is still rape if on a particular occasion you did not desire sexual contact and the person forces himself upon you or uses psychological manipulation by threatening to end the relationship or to find another woman.

Even in our conservative society, a couple could be engaged and have already partaken in kissing and possibly light sexual activity. The man may feel that ‘going further’ is his right and tries to pressure her by saying she had led him on or she would do it if she really loved him. Even a friend or colleague may want to sexualise the relationship and keep raising the issue.

You control your body and have the right to decide what you are comfortable with. You don’t owe anyone and you don’t have to do anything you’re apprehensive about to prove you love someone. Saying no means no and anyone who continues to pressure you after that is not someone you want to be with anyway. Make decisions that are best for you, and don’t just focus on what your partner or others may think. Learn to communicate in a direct, confident way. If you don’t clearly say no, the other person may be unsure about what you want. By communicating clearly, there is no doubt. Put the message across – no means no. Merdian suggests training children to ‘yell and tell’. “Give them permission to speak up and to keep speaking up until an adult listens,” she says.

What I learned about sex is forever shaped by my early experience of abuse. During abuse, your needs don’t matter; you have to cater to someone else’ sexual needs. Because I internalised this message well into adulthood, I wound up in a number of situations where I compromised myself sexually and emotionally. Because sexual abuse is a major violation of trust, I find it difficult to trust others but even more so, myself. Finding my voice and building self-respect and trust in myself – in my feelings, thoughts, beliefs, intuition and perceptions – is only a recent stride I’ve made and have to practice one day at a time.

Where I once felt alone in my pain, I now know that I am not alone. Merdian, who’s a survivor of child sexual abuse herself, has taught me how God can redeem the deepest pain and even use it as a way to help others on their journey.

Common myths

*All molesters look sleazy – you can just tell

*Sexual abusers are monsters and just look evil

*Most abusers are strangers

*This could never happen to my child, mother, sister, wife…

*My children would tell me if anything like this happened to them

*If my child had been abused, I would just know

*It can't happen in my family

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Fri, 20 Nov 2015 09:41:00 +0000

Inner Peace, One Sip at a Time

Some of the best memories I cherish from childhood are trips to the barren desert in Jordan. We didn’t have gadgets and gizmos back then but I was thrilled just running in the vast, boundless landscape, feeling the fresh breeze on my face, listening to the soothing sounds of wind blowing and picnicking with homemade sandwiches.

Another distinct memory is the powerful aroma of sage leaves boiling in black tea and sugar on an open fire. Maramia as we know it in Arabic, is naturally grown in the desert and is known to ease the common cold, act as a digestive aid and relieve menstrual symptoms.

On a recent trip to Azaq with my family, I got to introduce my kids to the aroma and taste of Bedouin tea – and the experience of boiling the tea in a pot on an open fire…that was exciting for them! While they relished in the preparation, I delighted in the sips that followed as no tea can compare to this!

Our simple tea time in the desert reminded me of the importance of getting outdoors, taking a break from city life and the technologically driven lives we lead. Kids get to explore and act out their own adventures. For us adults, we get some well-deserved respite and peace of mind.

Happy sipping!

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 23:23:00 +0000

13 November is World Kindness Day

Hearts, kisses, habibties. Our text messages, emails and social media posts are full of fluffy warm fuzzies. Sure, those blow-a-kiss emoticons are cute.

Every day I wake up with a conscious decision to love but it’s not that sunny bright feeling kind of love that warms our heart. The love I’m talking about here is based on the faith background I come from – Jesus and the apostles spoke about love but they never described it as a feeling. Love is presented to us as a choice, as a mind-set.

In Paul’s characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13, every attribute involves acting out love, not feeling love. And when Jesus taught about love, He always described a conscious choice. John tells us Jesus “loved His disciples fully” right before Jesus started washing their feet, even the feet of the one who would betray him.

As we commemorate World Kindness Day, I remember Paul’s letter to the Colossians (3:12), “…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Not just on November 13th, or during Christmas season or the month of Ramadan, and not just with those who extend compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience to us. It’s not a point of weakness to love, to be kind – it comes from a place of strength and freedom. I will feel anger. I will feel pain but I choose not to act out of anger and pain. And this brings me peace.

I may not blow you kisses or send you a heart-shaped box of chocolates. I may not sign off an email with a quickly, loosely worded “Love, Laura”. But you can trust that I won’t hold grudges. I won’t keep score. I won’t be vengeful or resentful. I will know the darkness in you (and in myself) but I will choose to also see, love and appreciate the light in you.

Family Flavours (November 2015)

Kindness to ALL

Muslim and Christian reflections on our spiritual health

We ask our religion experts to address the everyday issues that matter to you. This month, Noor Sa’adeh and Sonia Salfity stress the importance of practising kindness.

"Every act of kindness is a charity"

By Noor Sa'adeh, a Muslim Perspective

We all appreciate acts of kindness, particularly when they are unexpected. Offering acts of kindness to others is truly a win-win situation: the person you are being kind to benefits from your help and you feel good for having helped someone. With kindness, the world becomes a better place.

Very often, though, we feel we don’t have time for kind gestures. Here are some sweet and simple things we can do to practise this essential part of our faith. As Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said, “Every act of kindness is a charity” (Bukhari, Muslim).

*If someone owes you money, extend the time they have to pay you back or, better yet, forgive the debt altogether

*Teach a child or new Muslim one short verse of the Qur’an

*Encourage others to remember God and be patient when the going gets rough

*Plant something edible! “If anyone plants something or sows seed from which a [person], a bird or an animal eats, it counts as a charity for him” (Bukhari, Muslim)

*Help make peace between two people

*Offer a drink, food, money, thanks or a smile to a worker

*Help someone struggling with heavy bags

*Say something nice to someone

*Remove harmful things from the paths of others

*Call your parents, spouse, children or friends to tell them you love them

*Give an unexpected gift for no occasion

*Praise the service you received from a waiter, nurse, mechanic or teacher

*Refrain from backbiting by changing the subject

*Visit a sick friend or relative

*Take food to your elderly or sick neighbour

*Wait your turn in line

*Give a good tip

*Hold the door for someone

*Give up your seat for someone elderly or a person in need

*Stop yourself from scolding a child who’s done something naughty but harmless

*Let another driver take the parking spot

*Supplicate for someone you are angry with

*Forgive someone who has done you wrong

*Make a donation to a cause or charity

*Bite your tongue to stop yourself from saying something cruel

*Give someone advice in a wise and gentle manner

*Offer to hold a crying baby to give the parent a break

*Thank every good driver on the road

*Refrain from cursing the bad ones

*Give charity to someone asking and speak to them for a moment. *A kind word may mean more than money!

*Thank someone who helped you long ago

*Put your phone away when talking to someone face to face

*Buy something new? Give something else away

*Don't interrupt others when they are speaking (this may be a tough one!)

*Talk to someone who is shy

*Engage a child who’s bored or acting naughty while his parents are busy

*Share your favourite book

*Hug a friend or relative whether they look like they need it or not (everyone can always use a hug)

*Volunteer without expectation of reward or recognition

*Treat all animals (God's creatures) kindly and compassionately

*Carry simple food stuffs, outgrown clothing or shoes in your car to give to kids who beg at traffic lights

*Offer an encouraging word

*Be grateful at all times to God and others

...and smile, smile, smile! It’s good for everybody!

"When I find myself with neither the desire nor the ability to share a kind word, I go back to our Lord and ask for more"

By Sonia Salfity, a Christian Perspective

As I reflect on one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, namely kindness, I am fully aware that it's not easy to be kind to everyone all the time, especially to people who are plain mean! I’m thinking of that person who cut you off in traffic, almost causing a fatal accident, or someone who stole from you. I’m thinking of that person who lied to you or broke your trust.

Relying only on my own strength, I'm only capable of being kind to those who extend kindness to me. However, if I draw on God's Holy Spirit, I can somehow extend kindness to the unlovable, unkind people. I'm not sure exactly how this works, but I do know it has something to do with seeing people through God's lens rather than my own. God made everyone, therefore He loves everyone. Think about how much we tolerate our own children, downplaying their negative attributes, yet how quickly we judge that same behaviour in someone outside our family. We pick and choose who to show kindness to, but as Christians, we are each called to put on our spiritual glasses and see in others what God sees in each of us.

A new freedom

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness," says Galatians 5:22. How beautiful it is when God shows us acts of kindness that are blind to race, colour, ethnicity, economic background and past records. Unconditional love expressed through kind acts is one of the most rewarding experiences. We are blessed with a new freedom when we do something for someone else with no expectations of reciprocation. This type of freedom doesn't hold our hearts hostage as we wait for that person's next move.

Extending kindness to others should never be based on how we feel but on how God feels. If we live in Christ and He lives in us, then it doesn't matter if others have wronged us in the past or if they will never appreciate our actions. What matters is that these acts of kindness serve to keep our spiritual circulation moving. They prevent the hardening of our soul's arteries. They ultimately save us from suffering from a debilitating clot that can potentially stop our hearts, which were made to love.

Expressing kindness in the presence

Kindness comes in a variety of different packages. It might be a big act like forgiving someone's debt or paying off their loan. But it can also be expressed with small acts like sharing a bright smile or acknowledging someone with a heartfelt hello or a hug. It might be actually paying attention to someone after you ask how they're doing rather than daydreaming or thinking about what you're going to say next. These are simple gestures that are sadly becoming extinct.

These days, it's becoming the norm for people to check their emails and text messages right in the middle of a conversation. To be fully present at any given moment is an act of kindness towards ourselves and others, for that very moment will soon pass and it can never be recaptured. If we aren't fully present, then we can’t be aware of subtle nuances like a person's body language and facial expressions or the pain in someone's eyes as they desperately pretend that they're doing just fine. When we are only halfway present, we are disrespecting ourselves and the people trying to connect with us. We are, in effect, cheating ourselves out of our lives.

“Clothe yourselves with compassion”

When I find myself running on empty and have neither the desire nor the ability to share a kind word or a sweet embrace with one of God's beloved children, I go back to our Lord and ask for more. God's unlimited supply of grace and mercy refills my tank to an overflowing abundance of joy and peace to be shared with those He puts in my path.

In his letter to the Colossians (3:12), Paul wrote, "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." When we are dearly loved, we can love dearly; that is how we experience the transforming power of God's kingdom here on earth.

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Tue, 10 Nov 2015 12:08:00 +0000

More than Just a Story

I grew up watching She-Ra so when it came out on DVD, I bought the set and my son loved watching it – up until a friend came over and told him “This is for girls” just because the main character is female.

We know our children are confronted with this on a daily basis – “you can’t do this, like this, be this…because you are a boy/girl”. I can’t control what other people tell my child and the impact their words have on him but I can at least provide him with an environment at home where he knows that he can be himself. It is an open environment for experimentation and discovery where my child can choose the toy, hobby, book or colour that best represent him, regardless of the gender, race or cultural background of the characters in his books or movies.

Books and movies allow children to peek into each other’s worlds and also to find an affirming reflection of themselves. Boys need to see girls play sports. Girls need to see other girls play sports. White children need to see black and Asian children as princesses and football players. Children shouldn’t only see images of Arab boys in the context of conflict or African children in the context of poverty.

I want my boys to see images of comfort, their world reflected in pictures but also images of inspiration and imagination. Essentially, these are not just words and pictures on a page; they tell our children who they are and who they can become.

Amazing Grace

One of the books on my son’s bookshelf is Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman. It is about a girl named Grace who loves stories. Her favourite thing to do is to act out any story that she comes across. She's been Joan of Arc, Hiawatha, a pirate, and Mowgli to name a few.

One day her teacher informs her class that they will be performing a play about Peter Pan. Grace was so excited! She wants to be Peter Pan! However, some of her peers tell her that she can't be Peter because she doesn't look like Peter. But, she didn't look like Mowgli, Hiawatha, or Joan of Arc either. How can her classmates say this to her? How does this make Grace feel? Does she get to play Peter?

Distraught by her classmates reactions, Grace returns home and tells her mother and grandmother about what happened. With a little encouragement from her family and inspiration from an actress who plays characters that don't look like her, Grace overcomes the doubts of her peers and fulfils her desire to play Peter.

I use Amazing Grace to pass on a few important messages that I hope my son will pick up on, including:

*Let’s follow our dreams, regardless of what people tell us

*Let’s remember that we are all capable of doing amazing things regardless of our gender, race, culture, etc

*Let’s stand out as individuals in spite of criticism. In other words, let’s remain true to ourselves even when we are teased for being different

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Sun, 01 Nov 2015 16:33:00 +0000

The Superhero In Us

Last week when children at my son’s school could go dressed in any costume they wished, predictably, most of them went in as their favourite superheroes. Batman, Spider-Man...you know them all. But when a fight ensued between boys, it got me thinking: are punches and kicks all that our children see in their superhero stories?

Every week my son brings home from the library a superhero book and every week I roll my eyes. I love superhero movies but I would rather my son show some interest in more things in life!

But when we came this week to reading Robin’s First Flight, it dawned on me that these superhero books actually have a lot of valuable lessons for both children and adults! So it was time for me to guide my child in a direction where he could figure these lessons out on his own and then apply it in his own life. Now instead of rolling my eyes, I’m eager for the next superhero book my son picks out!

Here are some lessons from our superheroes (you can pick out more, I’m sure!):

Superheroes aren’t perfect

Kids don’t typically get this – they see strength and assume that their hero is perfect. They may see shortcomings in themselves (lack of confidence, for instance) which they can overcome only by acting out their superhero fantasies. But when we take a deeper look at our superheroes, we’ll find that they all have faults and questionable traits.

Superheroes persevere.

Again, while kids typically see superpowers or physical strength in their hero, what really stands out is their will to persevere in the face of frustrating circumstances. Talent and intellect are important, but, just like Batman’s physical prowess, they can only get you so far.

Even superheroes know the value of teamwork

Most major superheroes ended up joining a team (Batman and Superman in the Justice League and Wolverine in X-Men). But even on their own, superheroes always know the value of collaboration. Batman, for example, collaborated with the police, he had Robin and Alfred got the cool tools ordered.

You don’t need superpowers to be a superhero

Bruce Wayne (Batman) and Tony Stark (Iron Man) don’t possess any superpowers, and they have a few personality flaws (Stark’s arrogance for instance). Yet they all possess powerful minds, ambition and persistence. They all have a strong commitment to justice. Ultimately, true power doesn’t come from our talent or skill; it comes from our character.

So let’s get our children well acquainted with the character of their favourite superhero – after all, it is the characters of our superheroes that make them awesome, not so much their superpowers!

"You showed compassion, you were calm under pressure and you studied the facts before acting." (Robin's First Flight)

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Sat, 17 Oct 2015 20:15:00 +0000

Walking in a religiously diverse neighbourhood in Jerusalem, my seven-year-old son blurts out, “That man looks funny,” referring to a long-bearded Orthodox Jew with long sideburns and a large black hat.

I was surprised that Omar would say this of anyone since he is raised in a well-travelled multicultural household that embraces diversity. He wasn’t using the term “funny” in a demeaning way – he was naturally curious, but I tend to find differences “interesting” rather than “funny”.

I can’t expect my seven-year-old to know how to approach differences at his age when even we adults struggle sometimes with it ourselves. From “ninja” (a derogatory reference to a woman who’s completely veiled, including her face) to “redneck” (a derogatory reference to a rural white person of the Southern United States who’s often assumed to be ignorant and racist), I continue to hear people throw around these insults without questioning their meaning or the ramifications of using them.

I took Omar’s natural curiosity as a chance to talk about differences as this kind of discussion is ongoing – it’s never a one time “talk” with our children. It was time to pull out one of my favourite books of all time, People, written and illustrated by Peter Spier. Although it’s a children’s book, it is as much for adults as it is for kids, which is why it’s on my bookshelf!

Spier portrays the amazing variety of human life on Earth. He points out that "we come in many colours," with different-looking features; that we dress in different ways, enjoy different things, have different personalities, live in different homes, speak and write different languages (including a wonderful double-page spread showing samples of 40 separate writing systems!), keep different pets, celebrate different holidays and worship in different ways; that "some of us excel at things others could never do," that there are more different ways of earning a living than you would believe. While you can anticipate some of the differences he points out, others are not so obvious.

Yet, he observes, and this is one of my favourite quotes from his book: "Without a single exception, we all began quite small...we all live on the same planet, breathe the same air, and warm ourselves in the same sun. And in the end we all must die."

The author sums up diversity in one beautiful sentence: "Imagine how dreadfully dull this world of ours would be if everybody would look, think, eat, dress and act the same!" He never exalts one way of life over another, but fills his pages with detailed colourful sketches, and ends with, “Now, isn’t it wonderful that each and every one of us is unlike any other?”

This book is a fun read for my two-year-old and is a wonderful departure point for talking about all kinds of subjects from conflict to prejudice with my older child.

Although first published in 1988, Peter Spier’s People is timeless and remains, as one School Library Journal review put it, “a wonderful introduction to a global view that will answer and arouse curiosity in the young and act as an absorbing reminder for any age."

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 13:02:00 +0000

Although I’ve certainly enjoyed the privilege of luxury hotels and gourmet meals, some of the best memories I cherish from childhood are trips to the barren desert in Jordan. We didn’t have gadgets and gizmos back then, but I was thrilled just running in the vast, boundless landscape, feeling the fresh breeze on my face, listening to the soothing sounds of the wind blowing and picnicking with homemade sandwiches.

Today, when we think of family vacations, we quickly tend to conjure up images of long-distance trips – perhaps sightseeing tours in Paris or Rome – or nonstop thrills at world-famous theme parks. For my family of four, quality family holidays have largely meant overnight trips across Jordan – camping in Wadi Rum, hiking in Ajloun and trekking in Wadi Feynan. We’re now planning a trip to Azraq and a safari tour to Shaumari Wildlife Reserve.

Simple pleasures

We started taking our children – Omar (7) and Shareef (2) – on outdoor trips since they were as young as three months old. Although we’ve travelled the world, we’ve discovered that our sons’ favourite moments have involved digging in dirt and petting animals – you don’t need to jet off to faraway places for that!

We don’t focus too much on the destination as it’s really about the journey. Flexibility is essential though! Taking children outdoors, especially younger ones, does not always go according to plan. Adults hike for exercise, the views and to get somewhere; young kids want to throw rocks in a creek. We let them.

Making travel a priority

Regardless of the family holiday destinations you choose, what’s important is that you go. Between work and daily obligations, it’s easy to opt for staying home and relying on play dates to keep the children occupied and content. But family vacations have numerous benefits; not only do they provide you with wonderful memories and stories to tell for years to come, but they’re also a unique opportunity for children to learn and grow into well-rounded world citizens.

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 18:51:00 +0000

For the Love of Pumpkins

I love pumpkins.

They take me back to my American roots with...

Pumpkin carvings...

Halloween...

Vala's Pumpkin Patch with my sister in Omaha, Nebraska...

Virginia's Fall foliage with beautiful swatches of vibrant yellows, reds and oranges...

And I love pumpkin in dishes this time of year:

Pumpkin chili

Pumpkin-Ricotta Stuffed Shells

Risotto with pumpkin & rosemary

Pumpkin spice lattes

Pumpkin bread

Pumpkin french toast

Pumpkin pies

Pumpkin brownies

Pumpkin cobbler with ice cream

And so it goes

Family Flavours this month includes some of Chef Sally Jane Hurst's pumpkin recipes

(scroll down for full recipes):

Creamy Pumpkin Soup

Za’tar Spiced Pumpkin Seeds

Autumn Pumpkin & Kale Salad with Date Gremolata

Chef Sally at Al Salleh Farms Market

Chef Sally says, "Roasting the pumpkins is the best way to develop the inherent sweetness in the flesh, but I also sprinkled on some Middle Eastern spices before baking to add layers of flavour. And don’t forget the pumpkin seeds inside! They serve as a wonderful garnish, as I’ve done here, and also make the perfect healthy snack. If you’re feeling ambitious, serving the soup inside the hollowed out shell of a pumpkin is a festive and beautiful way to wow your guests and encourage even the pickiest kid to eat their vegetables!"

Nice to have a variety of different pumpkins to cook and decorate with. Chef Sally introduces us to kabocha, blue lokota, casper, butternut, pattypan and sugar

Creamy Pumpkin Soup

This soup is so warm and nourishing. You can up the amount of cumin you use for a more Middle Eastern twist on the dish.

Ingredients

800 g pumpkin, peeled and cut into 2 cm cubes

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp salt

½ tsp ground black pepper

2 tbsp olive oil

1 large yellow onion, roughly chopped

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 tbsp fresh ginger, minced

1 L vegetable or chicken stock

Labaneh and spiced pumpkin seeds to garnish

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 180°C and place the cut pumpkin on a baking tray

2. Sprinkle with the cumin, salt, pepper and half the olive oil and give it a good massage, coating the cubes well

3. Bake in the oven for 30 to 35 minutes until tender and set aside

4. In a large saucepan, heat the other half of the olive oil and add the onions

5. Cook until soft, about ten minutes, then add the garlic and ginger and stir until fragrant

6. Place the cooked pumpkin in the pan and stir well to combine

7. Stir in the stock and allow it to come to a simmer for about 20 minutes

8. Carefully transfer the soup to a blender and blend until smooth

9. Place in serving bowls, top with the labaneh and pumpkin seeds and serve

Za’tar Spiced Pumpkin Seeds

Try different spices or even sugar to change the flavour of your seeds. Your imagination is the only limit on these yummy snacks!

Ingredients

1 cup fresh pumpkin seeds

1 egg white

3 tsp za’tar spice mix

1 tsp sea salt

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 180°C

2. After you’ve removed the seeds from your pumpkin, place them in a fine sieve and run under water to remove any extra stringy flesh still on them

3. Place them in a saucepan with two cups of water and half a teaspoon of salt and boil for ten minutes

4. Drain the seeds, allow to cool slightly and place them in a large bowl with the egg white, za’tar and additional half teaspoon of salt

5. Transfer them to a baking tray and bake for about 12 minutes, until golden. Allow to cool

Autumn Pumpkin & Kale Salad with Date Gremolata

People sometimes complain that kale is bitter, but when paired with sweet pumpkin and dates, it becomes a deliciously hearty, healthy salad that’s an entire meal on a plate!

Ingredients

1 kabocha pumpkin (butternut squash works well too), peeled and cut into wedges

1 tsp sumac

1 tsp fresh sage, finely chopped

1 tsp salt

½ tsp pepper

2 tbsp olive oil

250 g kale, stems removed and cut into strips

4 dates, pitted and finely chopped

Zest and juice of one lemon

2 tbsp za’tar spiced pumpkin seeds, finely chopped

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 180°C and place your pumpkin wedges on a baking tray

2. Rub the pumpkin with the sumac, sage, salt, pepper and olive oil

3. Place in the oven for 30 to 35 minutes, until tender and golden

4. Meanwhile, in a bowl, whisk together the lemon juice, salt, pepper and remaining one tablespoon of olive oil

5. Toss together half of it with your ribbons of kale and allow to sit for about 10 minutes before you plan on eating

6. In another small bowl, mix together the dates, lemon zest and pumpkin seeds

7. To assemble, place the dressed kale on a plate, arrange the roasted pumpkin wedges on top and garnish with the date gremolata

8. Spoon over a little bit more of the dressing to your taste and serve

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 20:54:00 +0000

Photos courtesy of Save the Children Jordan

Every Child’s Superfood!

Paediatrician Dr Aseel Jallad with her boy

Like every mother, I want to give my child the best start in life. So while breastfeeding didn’t come naturally to me, I knew that determination would pay off – both for me and my baby. Granted, I had the luxury of giving birth at one of the top maternity hospitals in Jordan, with a lactation consultant on duty to help advise. Even when I went home, I knew she was just a phone call away.

Now imagine pregnant women fleeing war torn countries, making the dangerous journey across treacherous terrain and giving birth in refugee camps in Jordan. There are on average about 16 deliveries per week in Zaatari refugee camp, home to 80,000 Syrian refugees.

Fortunately, Save the Children Jordan is working to address the unique healthcare needs of expectant and new mothers, in part through the Infant and Young Child Feeding (IYCF) Programme. The programme helps pregnant women and mothers overcome significant barriers to successful breastfeeding in order to support:

*Early initiation of breastfeeding within one hour of birth

*Exclusive breastfeeding for infants under six months

*Appropriate and timely introduction of complementary food along with breastfeeding after six months

While breastfeeding seems like a personal matter, the reality is that it has far-reaching implications and should be a concern for us all – in Jordan and all over the world. After all, breastfeeding has little to no cost and can have a profound effect on health globally.

The Hard Facts

Newborn deaths represent nearly half of all the seven million child deaths under five years of age (mainly from preventable causes). Immediate breastfeeding (putting the baby to the mother’s breast within an hour after birth) significantly reduces child mortality. Yet, less than half of the world’s newborns benefit from early breastfeeding and even fewer are exclusively breastfed for the first six months. Breastfed children have at least six times greater chance of survival in the early months than non-breastfed children. If all women around the world breastfed their babies immediately after birth, the lives of almost one million babies a year could be saved. Exclusive breastfeeding for six months could save even more lives!

It’s hard to believe that so few women breastfeed when it has a profound impact on a child’s survival, health, nutrition and development. Breastfeeding gives children the healthiest start in life and is one of the simplest, smartest and most cost-effective ways we have of ensuring that all children survive and thrive.

Breastfeeding Saves Lives

In an emergency setting, limited access to clean water, sterilised feeding bottles and appropriate and timely health services can have devastating effects on children. Thus, breastfeeding, even under difficult situations like political conflicts and natural disasters, is known to be the safest way to protect infants and young children from an increased risk of infection, malnutrition and even death.

Breastfeeding can prevent:

*Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)
*Childhood illness

*Health problems (allergies, indigestion, constipation, diarrhea, respiratory infections)

*Chronic conditions later in life (obesity, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, childhood asthma and childhood leukaemia)

Breastfeeding can improve:

*Growth and physical development

*Brain development

*Cognitive performance

*The special bond between mother and baby (this is important for a child’s sense of wellbeing and security well into adulthood)

Breastfeeding can protect a mother’s health:

*Helps reduce the risk of bleeding after delivery (responsible for around 25% of maternal mortality worldwide)

*Reduces breast, uterine and ovarian cancer

Breastfeeding has even more benefits for women:

*Help the uterus return to its normal size more quickly

*Helps in losing the pregnancy weight

*Is more than 98% effective as a contraceptive method during the first six months, provided that breastfeeding is exclusive and amenorrhea (absence of menstruation) persists

*Is convenient, always clean and at the right temperature and available anytime, anywhere!

For more information about the Infant and Young Child Feeding (IYCF) Programme or other initiatives, contact Save the Children Jordan by calling +962-6-5662012 or emailing savethechildren@savethechildren.org.jo

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Sun, 27 Sep 2015 13:45:00 +0000

A+ for Effort!

We assume that possessing superior intelligence or ability (along with confidence in that ability) is a recipe for success. Research findings suggest, however, that an overemphasis on intellect or talent leaves us vulnerable to failure, fearful of challenges and unwilling to see or work on our shortcomings.

When we tell our children they’re smart, we think we’re helping to boost their self-confidence. We all know the importance of self-confidence for doing well not just academically but in life. I grew up with a low-esteem which meant I found challenges to be sources of major anxiety and frustration. Research suggests that those who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solutions to problems. I was paralysed with self-critical thoughts such as "I'm no good" or "I can't do anything right” and became passive, withdrawn and even depressed. Faced with any new challenge, my immediate response was "I can't."

And it wasn’t because I didn’t get enough praise but perhaps because of it. When my parents, teachers or others would praise me for being “smart”, I quickly got the message that I’m only smart when I get the grade, accomplish the goal or produce the ideal result — and that was a lot of pressure to live up to. I worried more about keeping up the appearance of being "smart" rather than trying to learn new skills. Now studies show that when we tell kids they’re smart after they’ve completed a puzzle, they’re less likely to attempt a more difficult puzzle after. That’s because kids are worried that if they don’t do well, they will no longer be regarded as “smart.”

Now that I have children of my own, I avoid generic, sweeping comments and instead:

*I tell them that I appreciate their effort – “Wow, you really tried hard on that!” By focusing on the effort, rather than the result, I’m letting my children know what really counts.

*I tell them that intelligence is something to be developed through hard work. This way, my children can take increasingly greater risks in order to learn. Thus, when they make mistakes, they can work hard to learn from them.

*I tell them that we never stop learning. We all have the ability to learn and grow and this process never ends, regardless of who we are, how “smart” we are, how old we are.

*I tell them the importance of perseverance. I think we falsely over-value intelligence as a predictor of life success. We can all tell stories of "book smart" people we know who struggled to take risks and walked away when a project turned difficult. On the flip side, we have also seen the power and success of perseverance, a strong work ethic and persistent effort.

*I tell them about the achievements of others, including so-called geniuses whose gifts are typically the result of years of passion and dedication and not something that came automatically. Mozart, Edison, Curie and Darwin were not simply born with talent; they cultivated it through tremendous and sustained effort. Similarly, hard work and discipline in school, at work and in life contribute more to achievement than IQ does.

*I tell them that challenges and mistakes are opportunities for improvement. When they encounter difficulty, I want them to continue to strive, learn and hone their skills. Instead of dwelling on their failures, I want them to think of mistakes as problems to be solved, and transform insecurities into motivation, strength and wisdom.

*I tell them it’s okay to admit errors and confront and remedy deficiencies in school, at work and in relationships. When we are unwilling to admit mistakes, we pass up the opportunity to correct them. There are plenty of “smart” people in the world who ignore constructive criticism and advice but we all need feedback to improve.

*I tell them that the brain is like a muscle that gets stronger with use and that learning prompts neurons in the brain to grow new connections. Thus, my kids can begin to see themselves as agents of their own brain development.

Sirsa Qursha, Child Development and Parenting Specialist and consultant to Family Flavours magazine, recommends praise for the specific process a child uses to accomplish something. This fosters motivation and confidence by focusing children on the actions that lead to success. we can commend effort, strategies, focus, persistence in the face of difficulty and willingness to take on challenges. The following are examples:

*You did a good job drawing. I like the detail you added to the people's faces

*I like the way you tried a lot of different strategies on that maths problem until you finally got it

*That was a hard assignment, but you stuck with it until you got it done. That's great!

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Wed, 16 Sep 2015 23:43:00 +0000

A BREAKFAST TO REMEMBER

Grand Hyatt Amman Helps Us Celebrate

9 Years of Family Flavours

On the sweet side, breakfast of course has to include doughnuts in the shape of circles to complement our Family Flavours circles. These are coated with dark chocolate and pistachio. Berry crumble, red currant muffins, chocolate croissants, kiwi fruit danish, hazelnut twist, poppy seed breakfast cake and freshly made pancakes with all the toppings is anniversary sweet heaven for us.

But you won't find Pastry Chef Norbert Stanni of Grand Hyatt Amman by the pastries on this particular morning. Taking us back to his roots, Chef Norbert gives us a taste of his assortment of dark bread made with rye flour (sunflower, pumpkin seed and cereal - the variety of grains is fun for this Master Baker) and his favourite, braided semi-sweet bread. Moist and soft, it's perfect with butter or honey although I like it even on its own. For the health conscious of the bunch, Chef Norbert assures them that bread is good for you; it's what you put on it that matters.

Top left: Chef Norbert waiting for the muffins to cool down a bit with Al Marji' Publications' Publisher & Managing Director Hind-Lara Mango

Bottom right: Chef Norbert offering Hanin Odeh, Director General of the Royal Health Awareness Society, bread and warm hospitality

Here, the team enjoying a well-earned break while Sous Chef Bilal Abu Hamida fills us in on the savoury selection, which includes cold cuts, roasted flank steak, salmon (and all its condiments), mixed green salad, and an assortment of cheeses, including goat cheese, some coated with parsley and some with sumac.

While Chef Bilal is here for our anniversary 11:00 breakfast gift, it was only recently that he worked a breakfast for a wedding party at three in the morning. Yes, breakfast is now evolving to provide more opportunities for the gracious hosts and hostesses of Jordan. Why end a wedding party at three when you and your guests are probably ready for breakfast after all that dancing!

At Al Marji' Publications, our experts and clients are truly an extension of
our team

Top left: Hind with Amal Younis (BabyCord Jordan) and Pediatric Dentist Dr Mai Tayeh. Top right: Chef Norbert Stanni, Bailasan Badwan Public Relations Manager at Grand Hyatt Amman, and Hanin Odeh, Director General of the Royal Health Awareness Society

More of the team and partners, including Life Coach Samar Sabha (bottom left) and ARDD-Legal Aid Gender and Media Unit Manger Lana Zananiri and Media & Communications Officer Hani Okasheh

Team members, experts, partners, including Grand Hyatt Amman's chefs, sign our guest book

Executive Chef Thomas Brosnan takes a few minutes to write us a few uplifting words. Our nine year anniversary is a memorable one for him as well. Nine years ago was Chef Thomas' first year joining the Hyatt family, first in Dubai. "Joining such a large hotel coming from a small restaurant background, I was like a fish out of water," he recalls. "But I never looked back." As we witness Chef Thomas at work with his team, and his rapport with us, it's clear that his small restaurant background is precisely what the large chain hotel needed.

Thank you Grand Hyatt Amman and thank you to team members, experts, partners, clients and readers who give us a reason to celebrate year after year!

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Mon, 14 Sep 2015 04:59:00 +0000

"A Blessing in Disguise"

As Family Flavours celebrates turning 9 this month, I look back at some of my favourite magazine covers. This December 2012 cover of the Qushair family is special to me as they share with us that “having a child with special needs in your family is a blessing in disguise”.

Diagnosed with Global Development Delay (GDD) at just 8 months, Rakan inspires all those around him. “Having a child with special needs in your family is a blessing in disguise!,” say Rakan's parents Serene and Ramzi Qushair. “We see it as a positive journey that is full of experiences, people and a new appreciation of life.”

As active members of SANA For Special Individuals, a non-profit organisation providing support to families affected by disabilities, Serene and Ramzi firmly stand by the idea that raising awareness and acceptance of children like Rakan is crucial to their integration into society.

Yanal enjoys playing guitar for his brother Rakan, who is a budding music-lover,
while Yasmine enjoys reading to Rakan

One of the ways that Family Flavours is unique in the realm of magazines locally and worldwide is in its embracing of diversity, including children and adults of different abilities and disabilities. While magazines typically Photoshop images to erase wrinkles, bulges and scars, Family Flavours portrays families as they really are.

Lina Masri, national coordinator of Faith and Light Jordan, tells Family Flavours, “Everywhere now, people have to be intelligent, attractive and strong to be loved," Lina once told me. At Faith and Light, people are loved as they are and have the opportunity to recognise and use their gifts and discover the joy of friendship.

In June 2015, Prince Mir’ed bin Ra’ad, President of the Higher Council for Affairs of People with Disabilities (HCD), tells Family Flavours, “Inclusion is important for all of us – people with disabilities and people without.”

The International Community School is a pioneer in inclusive education in Jordan. According to former Principal John Bastable, whose term in Jordan just ended, "Schools play an important role for people with and without disabilities. We learn from the challenges of others. School is about much more than reading, writing, maths and science. It’s about learning to be a decent human being.”

noreply@blogger.com (Flavour of the Day with Laura Haddad) — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 19:08:00 +0000

What Does Family Mean To You?

I posed this question to experts in different fields, all regular contributors to Family Flavours magazine which celebrates its 9th year this month. Their reflections are testament to the powerful influence family has on who we are.

Taken in 2005 when Sally's parents lived in Cairo

"Their smiles, hugs and habibtees break through any barriers"
Sally Hurst
Private Chef & Food Blogger

My family and I are very close because we grew up living in different countries around the world, moving every couple of years. We depended heavily on each other to be the one constant in our lives. Friends might change, apartments would be different, the languages would be unfamiliar, schools would be new, but my parents and sisters (and a few special pets) would always remain the same. My two sisters and I were so lucky to have such a unique upbringing – it's like we're part of a secret club!

Now, even though I'm in Jordan and my family is in the United States, we make an effort to stay in touch several times a week through Facetime and Skype and keep those bonds strong. I love being able to watch my nephews and niece grow older and technology thankfully allows us to stay close and lets me bear witness to their adorable quirks and new tricks. When we're together for holidays, there's nothing I enjoy more than preparing sumptuous feasts for us all to share. It’s my own very personal way of showing my love and affection for them.

My dear husband's Jordanian Circassian family has embraced me warmly and with enthusiasm! I'm included in their outings, learning more about their unique and special culture. I'm still adjusting to certain customs and trying desperately to learn Arabic so I can speak to each and every one of them, but their smiles and hugs and habibatees break through any barriers that might exist. I'm so lucky to have these lovely people to add as new members of my family while my one back home gets to enjoy my stories and know that I'm being well looked after.