Fan-Gasm

Paths of Glory

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 13:42:00 +0000

I said "Man... the fuck... UP".

Kirk Douglas. I could pretty much end this Kubrick love fest of mine with just that: "Kirk Douglas". Above and beyond I choose Paths of Glory as my all time favorite war flick. Ever. Bar none. I don't need Tom Hanks marching a handful of soldiers to their deaths just to save one. I was hoping he'd get to go home to his wife and teach again. I didn't want Matt Damon to come home from that war but what the hell, you can't have everything right? I also wanted Tom Sizemore to survive.. but.. he went a totally different path. Paths of Glory is loosely based on a true story during WWI where French soldiers were executed by a General Mireau who is a complete douche bag. He's one of those annoying military guys who is totally gung-ho warmonger and thinks of doing nothing with your life except dying for your country, even if it means that the only other way out of dying for your country is being executed for not dying for your country. And he'll throw you out of his regiment should you show signs of cowardice (Shell-Shock... or for the more soft person; PTSD).

He could stare down a jumbo jet.

Col. Dax (Kirk Douglas a.k.a Balls of Steel a.k.a Manliest Man of all Men in the History of Man) even tries to reason with the man... but he doesn't give a fuck. Despite Dax's valiant efforts there's simply no way the French can take out this German position. Dax does everything he can in court acting as their lawyer to save his men who are set to be executed. That's basically the whole flick. Oh and this is Kubrick so the men aren't freed and march off into a beautiful sunset. They fucking die. Executed in front of a whole fucking battalion of men. All because of one macho alpha male, I'm sure we have assholes like this floating around in our military. So I spoiled the entire movie for you in less than two paragraphs. But there's more to this movie than just that. The acting is superb. Kirk Douglas' stare is so intense it could probably move a fucking mountain. The guy is 95 years old and could bitch out any of your toughest friends... then he would take your girl and impregnate her.

This guy is a douche.

This 1957 flick is in black and white and proves that b&w is superior to color. Actually it isn't... that just sounded cool. Throughout the entire film you have to applaud Kirk Douglas because back then actors/actresses were trained differently. They were convincing from the get go, those people didn't need two movies and a reboot to flesh out a character. Those people were theater trained or whatever you want to call it. It was convincing. And it fucking worked. Some things Dax says are a little telegraphed but.. it still beats something like this. When Dax tries to overcome insanely impossible odds you actually think hes going to do it because... well... hes Kirk fucking Douglas! But he doesn't. The guy is just so freaking intense that his schlong probably looks like this when flaccid compared to yours while erect.

My favorite thing about Paths of Glory is the fact that there is zero gore yet it gets the point it wants across easily enough. Plus you dont need a ridiculously expensive surround sound system to fully enjoy the audio. It is Kubrick so it was filmed with 2.0 mono in mind. Remember... Kubrick was more interested in delivering the goods... not mindless eye candy. Of course one could easily chop this movie down into pieces since Americans are the only ones serving France during WWI but hey! You can't have everything right?

Fan-Gasm Score:

Hands down a 5-Star Film. It's just that good.

Twilight RANT

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 16:28:00 +0000

Emotionless.

Just in time for the Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part DVD/BluRay release!!! No I'm not a fan of these films. At all. Breaking Dawn is the fourth book in the Twilight saga and is the fourth movie, and now we all patiently await part II of Breaking Dawn to end this nonsense. I've seen all four movies so far. Before I get into Breaking Dawn I have to admit that I did in fact read Twilight. The first book. My wife loved the books and burnt through them insanely fast. I didn't hate the book at all, to me it was more of a *rolling eyes every page* experience. The book is good at what it is: A female fantasy that paints a picture of the perfect man for every female in the world. So the next time your sleeping with your wife know that she's probably thinking about Edward Cullen. Or Jacob Black. And if she isn't a Twilight fan then she's thinking of Bill Compton or Eric Northman. So that's that.

See their expressions? Don't expect anything different.

I won't trash the movies like other phony people do based on the sole fact that the films are made for females to geek out to. I've seen a lot of reviewers complain more about that than the important reasons why the movies simply suck. A few male reviewers I've seen absolutely hate the fact that chicks are getting their own movies like Twilight and I think that's ridiculous. Us guys have our own geek flicks and women should too. I have no problem with that. My problem with the Twilight films are as follows:

Every film so far has been rushed
the script is god-awful
the actors are awful
the special effects are awful

I'll start with my first issue. Now it isn't like Peter Jackson here filming a marathon back-to-back-to-back like he did with Lord of the Rings and s doing with The Hobbit. The Twilight films have had different directors for each film. Catherine Hardwicke directed the first film, Twilight. She directed Thirteen which was pretty good. She bombs here. The second film, New Moon, was directed by Chris Weitz. He and his brother directed American Pie. David Slade directed Eclipse. Slade directed Hard Candy! And 30 Days of Night! Breaking Dawn Part 1 was directed by Bill Condon who will also direct Breaking Dawn Part 2. Condon directed Kinsey. He even directed Gods and Fucking Monsters! So there's four directors who have made at last one movie worth noting, particularly Gods and Monsters. So what went wrong with each Twilight film? Let me break this down real quick. Kristen Stewert is the only one in this bunch of misfits that has done anything worth noting prior to this saga: Panic Room. With that out of the way and the fact that you now know the directors and their most famous works I'll state the obvious: Even those directors can't make bad actors/actresses tolerable. This cast wouldn't last a fucking day on a Stanley Kubrick set. He would have fired them.

Same blank faces... Nobody directing them.

Breaking Dawn Part 1 is the best Twilight film so far but that's like saying you prefer your grandmother's colostomy bag over your grandfather's. Here's the thing... the cast Summit Entertainment or whoever is responsible for is fucking terrible. Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black is about as ferocious and intimidating as Shark Boy. Oh wait... Yeah that's a little after I stopped caring about Robert Rodriguez. Then we have Robert Pattinson... *sigh*... Where the fuck do I even start?? This guy sucks. He is absolutely fucking terrible. He isn't as awful as Shark Boy but he's pretty bad. I acquired a couple of Pattinson's flicks... Remember Me was one of them and that sucked. The other one was Little Ashes in which some dick hole genius thought it was a good idea to cast him as Salvador Dali. Every male cast as a Cullen or Black or whatever is a stiff. And all the chicks are just as bad which gives the films sort of a balance of suckiness. Seriously... these actors and actresses are that bad. Just look at the directors, they're talented and they can't even bring out an ounce of tolerable acting. Unbelievable. The funniest part is the best characters in this saga so far have been the Volturi, and out of four films they have less than 5 minutes of screen time. Dakota Fanning speaks like three lines and she does it better then the entire fucking cast!

Once again... both stand there not knowing what the fuck to do but stare.

Braking Dawn Part 1 is Edward and Bella getting married and her constantly being a dick tease to Shark Boy then Edward knocks her up and everyone is scared because the baby is growing rapidly inside of her stomach which could end up killing her so Edward and Shark Boy end up hating each other even more so when she finally pisses out the little vamp baby she dies but Edward bites her to save her live turning her into a vampire meanwhile Shark Boy falls in love with the baby. The End.

Much like the set of a George Lucas movie, nobody is objecting the bullshit.

That may be the greatest run-on sentence ever. And that's pretty much how your brain will work sitting through this mess. Like I said, I'm glad chicks finally have something to geek out over. I'm glad my wife can geek out while watching something but there is no denying it: These movies are bad. I used to like Kristen Stewert but these films are turning me against her. This is like George Lucas bringing out and loving the absolute worst an actor has to offer and selling it as gold. I simply cannot fathom why these films are as bad as they are. The worst part is this is the best these actors and actresses have to offer. This is their peak. This is the best they'll be. Ever. We'll never see one of these people nominated for an award that actually means something. Which is funny in and of itself since any award doesn't mean anything anyway. So That's my first issue, the directors absolutely failed on every single level imaginable which isn't really fair given what they had to work with. So the directing is a major problem but because of the extremely weak cast.

Director: Okay you just found out your daughter is knocked up, ACTION.

My next major issue isn't even the story. As I've said I don't care how cheesy it is, it's written that way to appeal to women, much like the Sookie Stackhouse books. They're both written by women who are envisioning the perfect man. I'm fine with that. So my other major concern is the special effects. These movies have amassed an enormous amount of money: $2,505,255,737. Yes. You read that right. That's over a quarter of a trillion fucking dollars and the special effects are a total fucking joke. How is that possible??? It doesn't register in my brain. Somebody, somewhere please explain this to me. You can find better effects on YouTube. What is the problem? Obviously behind the scenes nobody sees a problem because all the rich white assholes are laughing all the way to the bank! It's true. There is no other explanation other than 'nobody fucking cares because money is being made'.

Emotionless, blank stares from a bunch of gay werewolves.

Back to the trash cast. Through four films everyone has the same blank fucking stare. Is anyone giving direction? Are their agents saying ; "maybe you should emote more?" Is somebody telling them what to do? I don't think so because THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME BLANK and EMOTIONLESS EXPRESSION. All of them! Every fucking frame!!! Every film! What happened to the days when a vampire was scary? Or epic? Or Tom Cruised?

Fan-Gasm Score: (All Four Films)

That's my rating. ZERO.

Here's a video of what I think about these films:

Janet Jackson (Portrait)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 01:16:00 +0000

8 X 12 Paper

Staedtler Pencils, Pastels, Colored Pencils...

Dead Island (360 Review)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:07:00 +0000

I love zombies, excessive violence and gore, and when the three appear in a game together it's torture porn for someone like me. Dead Island has four main characters that you can pick to control throughout the game: Sam B (a washed up rapper), Xian Mei (a desk clerk), Logan (washed up former football star) and Purna ( a former cop or bodyguard or whatever). Their back stories aren't very memorable and neither are they, though Sam B has some funny things he says during game-play. The only other memorable thing I can think of is Xian Mei flashing her cooter since she mans up and goes commando.

See her cooter? What? Did you think I was joking? lol

In all honesty the story is such a sloppy and discombobulated mess that even after finishing the game I still don't know how the outbreak started. Unless I missed something (because the story is boring) or that's the way it's supposed to be. All I know is by the time you get to the boss he injects himself with something and he turns into a zombie who has roid rage or something. But in a nutshell I got absolutely nothing from the story and wasn't excited or concerned (or cared) about how or why or when the outbreak happened. Before playing the game I saw a lot of people crying about the controls and a bunch of other stuff people cry about for no reason. So outside of a story I didn't care about, the game was fucking awesome. Like any FPS the controls are what you'd expect. If you're a COD fan or a fan of some other shooter you'll pick the controls up pretty easily. This is the best zombie game ever made. Hands down. Yes. Even though I hate the story and think it's boring I can still rank this as the best zombie game. Dead Rising was okay (maybe even sucked) but got repetitive after about four minutes. The best thing I like about Dead Island is the sound. There's nothing more intense than hearing a zombie screaming and yelling but not seeing it while you're exploring the world. You know it's coming but sometimes you're not sure which direction until it grabs you. There are a few types of zombies that are cool and intense to fight that are like super charged. The fat zombie spits green shit at you that slows you down and distorts your vision. There's another one that's in a straight jacket for some strange reason but he can be intense too because he'll shoulder charge you knocking you on your ass. Another type is saying help me and the moment you touch him he blows up. There's another super charged one that I think doesn't have hands just his bones sticking out. Those dudes are scary as shit and tough. They'll rip you up real quick and chase you. It isn't even enough to run over them with a vehicle. Speaking of which... Why can you only drive trucks? There are cars and buses and cop cars etc... but you can only drive trucks. Kind of stupid but whatever.

So whichever of the four characters you pick you get to rank/level up and pick different upgrades to make your character more of a bad ass. Weapon-wise there are TONS of shit to use to smash a zombs' face apart. Sticks, oars, bats, pipes, brass knuckles, guns etc... There are a lot of weapons and you can even upgrade those to be even more bad ass. I love barbed-wire baseball bats, or flaming bats, or electrified machetes, impact-crowbars etc... Love them. There's nothing more satisfying than smashing a zombies skull apart and watching the blood splatter and pool next to its body. And there are tons of zombies at some parts that completely surround you. Intense shit! When you start the game you wake up in your hotel room at this resort on an island and the joint is just flat out fucked. Zombies are everywhere. Tourists can be heard screaming from a distance. Or seen being eaten. It's awesome. The atmosphere in this game is just ridiculous and it's crazy as hell and totally makes the game. Now the game isn't as open world as you would think. It is split into different sections that load upon entering. You know when you're leaving because you get a loading screen. Not to worry though because each area is pretty big and there's lots to do and see (and kill).

There's the main mission that follows the story and you can do side quests for characters, both give you XP to level up. Most are different but there's a lot of gopher missions that are pretty stupid but you do them anyway because you wanna jack up your character's level. Sometimes you'll find a weapon that's totally bad ass but you can't use it until you're a certain level. All the shit you find like supplies and weapons etc can be sold to different characters located throughout the island. Some have good prices some don't. Which brings me to this problem I have. You find money in suitcases, rooms, dead bodies but I don't understand why I need to spend that money to simply wrap barbed wire around a baseball or baton. *smh* The environment, as awesome as it is, has zero interaction. While running from a zomb you'll run into a lawn chair and it's like running into a wall. It doesn't move. Sort of takes away the realism but what can you do? I think I spent more time exploring and doing side quests and killing than I did the actual main missions. I'm pretty sure I racked up about 50 or 60 hours give or take. There's multi-player too but unfortunately there's no split screen. You can only play MP online. So... unless I know you I won't waste my time. This can be annoying however. In a game like this I usually prefer to be alone but at inopportune times some dickhead will join my game and I have to stop, drop out, and continue. This happens more often than not.

So outside of the story that I thought was boring and dumb and the drop in/out MP that can be annoying, the game is totally bad ass. My biggest grips are: upgrading weapons cost money despite having the materials needed, random players joining my game without my consent, boring story, not as much freedom as I'd like.... BUT! If you like killing zombs then you should like this game. Like I said... I can get past those gripes if slaughtering countless zombies entertains me for hours.

Fan-Gasm Score:

Dead Island could have been 5-Stars but there are a few things that simply don't fly with me.

Transformers: The Movie (AU Blu-Ray Review minus the bonus features))

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 01:36:00 +0000

This cover is Epic... even without Optimus Prime...

WARNING: This turns into a Michael Bay Bash-Fest...

Just recently a friend of mine started telling me about a version he has of this in 1080P and how bad ass it looks. So began our epic conversation of finding the elusive UK Blu-Ray. Then there was the problem of shelling out upwards of $100 to some jack-off seller. Obviously we're smarter than that and we're not going to do something so ridiculous. During our conversation, much like most of our talks, comparisons had to be made about Transformers: The Movie versus Michael Bay's twisted fucking mess. Here's a short recap of me and the Bay-formers. My brother and I saw Bay's Transformers in the theater, fitting since both he and I saw the animated movie in the theater way back in 1986 as well. We sort of stayed spoiler free story wise but there was no getting around what Michael Bay did to the robots. The only recognizable (and I use that word lightly) Transformer was Optimus Prime, and he was only recognizable because they at least gave him his original colors (red and blue). After the credits rolled we sat and waited through the credits to watch Starscream fly off into space (the hidden scene or whatever it was called). Leaving the theater I had mixed feelings. I really didn't know what to think. Was I entertained? I guess. There was a couple scenes that were pretty cool and even a couple old movie lines thrown in for nostalgia. The moment we got into our car it kind of hit us that we just wasted almost $25 on each ticket. So what went wrong? Everything.

You can barely tell that that glob of metal standing there is Optimus Prime...

That screen shot gives you an idea of what Michael Bay has been selling for the past three films (and *gulp* what he'll sell in part four). It is so obvious that Bay doesn't care about the source material and is just in it for the check and to keep proving he's in bed with the military and to blow stuff up for no apparent reason. Like in that picture, the films are a cluttered mess of indistinguishable metal running around blowing shit up. To top off the FUGLY robots, Michael Bay tosses in the worst of the worst human characters of all time. When I watched Revenge of the Fallen, it took me a week. I literally could not sit through the entire movie in one sitting. I hated it. It is absolutely awful. Then when I tried watching Dark of the Moon? Forget it... I barely manged to get by the first ten minutes before shutting it off. And no... I didn't buy part two or three. He stole my money from the first film, he wasn't getting more. Fool me once, shame on me. Right? So what went wrong in the three films all with MASSIVE budgets? Everything. Find out soon when I review all three of those turds. I'm trying to focus on the animated film (I'm trying...really I am) but it's a little hard.

Come on... Admit it! Doesn't it make you want to get up and do... something?

The animated movie got everything right. With a six million dollar budget, they pulled off something Michael Bay failed to do with $545 MILLION (across three films), which is make a fun and highly memorable and entertaining film. Of course, the animated film bombed at the box office but since then it has grown into an iconic cult film. Twenty six years later, myself and other 30 something year olds and older are still singing "The Touch"... Name one song in any of Bay's films;) You can't! Because more than likely if there are songs we can't here them because of atomic bombs exploding every ten seconds. Yes... the animated film's story is ham and cheese but there's not a moment in the film that makes you roll your eyes (except Wheelie...we'll never know for sure who thought he was a good idea). In all three of Bay's films, you spend most of the time squinting at the screen trying to make out what's going on (and trying to avoid a headache). On top of that distraction are the annoying, comic relief characters shitting out dialog so bad that it makes the dialog in Attack of the Clones seem as well written as the Godfather Part II. There are so many scenes from the animated film that blow all three of Bay's nonsense out of the water. For example:

ANY scene with Unicron
Megatron and Co. attacking the Autobot's ship (killing Brawn, Ratchet and Ironhide)
"The Touch"
The Death of Starscream

Shall I go on? The only thing the animated film did wrong was kill off Optimus Prime but I think we can all agree they knew they screwed up with that by almost immediately bringing him back during the cartoon's third season, at least for a few episodes. Besides that, if he didn't die I couldn't imagine the story being better and having some sort of sense of urgency and anxiousness. Once Prime is dead you're like; "oh shit, WTF are they going to do now??" In Bay's films we really don't know what's going on with the story. I've seen the first one three times and I couldn't summarize it if I wanted to because I simply don't know what's going on because nothing in the movie made me care. In the animated film you from the get go what's going on, the Decepticons are kicking ass and the Autobots are doing what they can to survive with and without a leader meanwhile there's Unicron and everything else in-between. To make the story easier to follow, we know what and who we're watching. With the new films, I understand that they had to be updated a bit but god damn did Bay and his people fuck up the designs. When Prime dies in Revenge of the Fallen I didn't care. I had more of a 'good riddance' feeling because Optimus is such a punk in Bay's films. No respect for the source material.

In the animated movie, when Optimus Prime is fighting to the death with Megatron, you're rooting for Optimus Prime even if you love the villains more! You're rooting for Prime because of what he fights for. He's willing to die himself if it means to end a battle and save his fellow Autobots. In Bay's films Prime gets beat up a lot, loses most of the fights and proves that he should really be more of an expendable soldier you'd use as bait rather than a born leader who can throw down and lead an army into battle. That's a HUGE problem (among countless other ones) in Bay's movies and if given the opportunity to speak with Michael Bay, my first question would be; "Why did you make Optimus Prime such a pussy?" My second question would be; "Can you give people one reason not to torrent your fourth Transformers film?" And if he answered those two without walking away from me then my third question would be; "Why are studios still hiring you?" Seriously. I can't stand Michael Bay anymore. Hell I'd rather see a sequel to Armageddon than another trashy Transformers film. For some strange reason though his movies accumulate massive amounts of money. Goes to the show the state of sadness (and lack of IQ) here in America.

Remember in the real movie when the remaining Autobots were running for their lives from Galvatron and end up on Junkion? Or Quintessa? Yeah... those were the days. Nowadays you have Shia Lebouf trying his damnedest to make us care that he's about to die at the hands of some metal blob of trash that's posing as Megatron. If it isn't Shia LeDouche making us cringe its the rest of the horrible actors. Oh wait... Did I mention John Turturro? No? Well... he's the guy who completely embarrasses his family, showing them and the world he has no dignity by being the circus act of a trilogy of bad C movies. Talk about falling from grace! We don't know why John signed on for these movies and we never will. Its just one of those things. His resume will have asterisks in place of the title of these Transformers flicks. Then there's Megan Fox and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, neither bitch can act their way out of a fucking bag. Not to mention Sam's parents... Good job Bay! Douche. Three films full of fart jokes, poop jokes, pee jokes, dog humping jokes, stereotype jokes and stupid, stupid pot jokes.

Thanks Michael Bay for derailing my Blu-Ray review of the real Transformers movie. I can't help it though. These are things that need to be brought up so others won't waste precious moments of their lives. Wouldn't you rather watch the Matrix of leadership light the Autobots darkest hour? Or Devastator practically tea-bagging a shameless John Turturro? While we'll definitely laugh our asses off watching the latter(!) I'd prefer a kick-ass tune accompanied by Rodimus Prime tossing Galvatron 50 feet through a steel wall (that's probably 5 feet thick). But anyways... Sorry for veering so far off track. Michael Bay, outside of making a great t-shirt for the Transformers that I bought, has done nothing positive for the films and I'm sure the fourth film will be another disaster brainless people flock to see.

ANYWAYS....

Since we (USA) don't have a Blu-Ray for this flick I had to import this from Australia. Believe it or not I had to do a little digging since most review sites either don't list imports or don't review them. I eventually lucked out and found info on a message-board. The posters were asking for comparisons between two or three different blu-ray versions. The most popular seems to be the discontinued one from the UK, you may have seen it for joke prices by some douche. Then there's the less popular, or less known, not sure, the UK version which is this one I'm reviewing. Right off the bat you notice how kick ass the cover is. We don't get covers this cool here in the states. I imagine if this was ever brought here to the states the cover would change to something stupid.

So how does the picture quality stack up? It's awesome. There are times when the clarity is amazingly crisp then other times you can tell the film is old and hasn't been taken care of by the irresponsible assholes that control it. You can clearly see at any given time scratches and dirt and dust, however, under that is a nice image. The colors are bright and vibrant but for some strange reason, Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime has a few areas on him that almost have a pinkish hue. Not sure why but it is what it is. This is clearly the best this animated film is going to look unless a miracle occurs and somebody pumps out the money for a full restoration where they painstakingly clean and scrub each and every frame. We know that isn't going to happen so we can be happy with this disc. The audio sounds great but so does the 20th Anniversary DVD edition I have. I'm not being negative about it but I don't think the audio could get any better. I was hoping for a lot more bass and to be louder overall but, it was just wishful thinking. This blu-ray may sound slightly clearer but.... If anything Unicron's booming voice may induce a fangasm moment. Or Stan Bush.

As you can see from the scan on the back of the box there are a lot of special features... and they all look like they're freaking awesome.... Here's the kicker: For some strange reason the disc works in my Sony BDP-s380 player... the movie works fine.... but... the special features are apparently in PAL format. SO! I did some investigative work and found out that there is a work around but it'll cost you a few more dollars. I found this. It is a universal remote I'll use to re-program my blu-ray player to be DVD region free. Yes. Most blu-ray players will play any blu-ray from around the world... It seems to be that the special features are always in PAL in some cases. And that's that. It is 14 BPS which converts to like $22 or something. I'll be ordering one soon and not just for this Transformers disc but because the site I ordered it from (www.madman.com.au) have a lot of great stuff and not to mention it took less than a week to get here. From Australia. Now that's some quick shit right there!

Once I get ahold of one of those remote controls I'll do a separate review for all of the special features!

Fan-Gasm Score:

This film is clearly a 5-Star joint if you grew up with the Transformers like me. If not you'll hate it.

The Avengers (Superbowl Teaser)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 19:21:00 +0000

During the Stupidbowl we got to see some Avengers shit! There's a lot to cover for this Avengers movie. I won't review each tie-in film leading up to it but I'll grade them:

Iron Man: 4/5
Iron Man 2: 3.5/5
The Incredible Hulk: 3.5/5
Thor: 4/5
Captain America: 5/5

Most will disagree with that. Had Terrance Howard been paid to return Iron Man 2 would have been a 4/5 as well. Not that I dislike Don Cheadle, I love him but for the sake of consistency, all films should return the original cast since they're all tied together. As for the Hulk, 3.5/5 may sound a little low but I wasn't too thrilled with Abomination. He was bad ass but not as bad ass nor memorable as Tom Roth's Emil Blonsky. With Iron Man 2 I wanted more of the first appearing Whiplash rather than those bulky metal robot suits Favreau kept going to. Comic book wise, I'd prefer Iron Man over Thor and Captain America but Huk over the three, but since we're speaking in terms of the films this is simply how it is. Captain America was simply the best Marvel films with the Avenger tie-ins. Not that it has anything to do with The Avengers but... I consider X-Men: First Class the best Marvel movie to date (I'll review that soon).

So after years of teasing we're coming very close to The Avengers and this trailer just makes me even more excited. I'm interested to know just who the hell those guys are that are fighting for Loki. The other thing the trailer shows is something I've been dying to see and that's the Hulk in action. This film is going to kick ass. Big time. The small clip in the video of Cap bitching at Tony Stark is classic. Tony Stark talking to Loki is awesome. The action/fight scenes just look freaking epic as all hell. Joss Whedon... please don't let us down. So far everything looks right where it belongs. My million dollar question though... Will Thanos make some kind of appearance? Because... whenever the Cosmic Cube shows up Thanos usually isn't that far away plotting... And since the Infinity Gauntlet popped up in Thor... What are the odds?

Amazing Spider-Man Trailer

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:34:00 +0000

My initial reaction upon hearing that Sony is rebooting Spider-man was negative. I think it's ridiculous but not surprising. We could probably wager that sometime soon talks will begin on the Lord of the Rings reboot. Hey, you know it will happen at some point! On the plus side Sam Raimi is gone. Kaput. Finished. Done. Good riddance and I hope the door hit him on the ass on the way out. Raimi's first Spider-man film was awesome. Willem Dafoe as Green Goblin is pure win. Spider-man 2, Alfred Molina was definitely win and the movie was damn cool. Then Raimi gave us the third one... I have to admit there are some things I love about part 3. There's actually things I like better than what we had in 1 and 2. The elephant in the room is Venom, so we'll start with Topher Grace. In possibly one of the worst casting decisions since casting a science fiction worshiping lunatic as the last samurai , we get the absolute worst version of Eddie Brock you could possibly imagine. Topher Grace fucking blows. Period. I know I know... don't blame Raimi. I hear it all the time. He was forced to shoe-horn in Venom and this and that at the last minute because Sony wanted to sell more toys. FINE. Either way Raimi did a horrible job with Venom. We know he dislikes Venom but he should have at least put some effort into it, at least for the fans. Poor is the only word I can think of. Emo-Peter Parker was Sam Raimi telling me to go fuck myself. Green Goblin II was about as thrilling as watching my newborn get run over by a truck (James Franco was awful in 3). Gwen Stacy was another character who seem like her part was stapled on at the last second. Garbage. Thomas Haden Church was surrounded by a bunch of boobs. And if you loved Raimi's vision that's fine but look at it this way, he was supposedly going to use the Vulture (John Malkovich) as the main villain in the next one. While Malkovich can be a bad ass, the Vulture is fucking stupid. I for one was sick of Raimi's stupid slap-stick/Evil Dead type BS oozing into the films.

Upon seeing this film's first trailer I felt like vomiting. Outside of the headache and nausea inducing Mirror's Edge rip-off skit, I thought it was the trashiest looking BS since Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions. BUT! After watching this trailer for the rebooted franchise all bets are off. If the film is as thrilling as the trailer then it'll be better than Raimi's entire catalog of work (which isn't saying much considering what he's done). The tone of this new Spidey flick just hits home. It seems gritty and realistic. Plus... Peter Parker makes his own web-shooters. As for the costume... I'm actually liking it now. The first publicity stills had me wondering and doubting but now seeing it in action it's fucking awesome. Marc Webb, the guy who also directed the hilarious film 500 Days of Summer, seems to actually care about the Spiderman lore (Peter Parker making his web shooters) and world. We'll definitely get some Spidey quips but I doubt it'll be as cheesy and stupid as Raimi's nonsense (sorry but the shit he put into 3 affects the trilogy as a whole). There's a bunch of cool stuff in this trailer and instead of spoiling it just go ahead and watch it. I'm very optimistic about this flick and interested in the whole briefcase and Peter's parents angle. I'm not big on re-writing famous comic lore but so far it has my attention. One gripe I still have, being since you can see the Lizard now, where is the protruding snout? And lab coat? I would have loved if they had gone a more Todd McFarlane-ish look for the Lizard....

Fight Night Champion (Xbox 360)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:55:00 +0000

This game was released last year. I purposely waited to get it for a decent price because of how much I disliked Fight Night Round 4. Without wasting too much time on Round 4, I thought the game was 100% sluggish in every conceivable way possible. Outside of graphics, there were no jumps ahead of quality compared to Round 3. So when Champion was released I gleefully passed it up without too much worry. So now it's on Xbox's Game Marketplace for $29 which is a nice price considering it's still $40 at my local Gamestop. So I was a little skeptic about the game especially since it's a digital download and there's no way to get some type of credit back if I hated it. So I took a leap of faith. After all, after playing the UFC Undisputed 3 demo, I wanted to smash someone's face in since that demo kicked ass (because of the inclusion of Pride FC). So after this 5GB monster finished downloading in about an hour I immediately booted it up and was quite surprised. The controls still seem a little slow in reaction time but it's definitely a noticeable improvement over Round 4's sloppy fucking mess.

Jack Johnson finally getting some respect! But you have to pay for him...

My first match I played in was Muhammad Ali Vs. Joe Frazier. I noticed instantly how awesome it is to be able to dance around and throw five jabs then a cross right into Frazier's face before he can even exhale. I danced around some more for the next four or so rounds all while tagging Frazier's bloody face to a pulp. I actually felt like Ali. While we don't have Ali specifics taunts in-game, I taunted Smokin' Joe anyway while dropping three and four piece bombs all over his grill. At this point I'm confident. I'm easily leading this match by points and Frazier's blood was all over himself and the mat so I started toying with him. Then BOOM. Left hook. Frazier knocked me out cold. Seventh round knockout. I was pissed sure but I knew why he knocked me out. I left my guard down too long while playing around trying to bloody him even more. In the rematch however I was smart, I didn't bother going inside and eventually won in the sixth. The referee stopped the fight because Frazier was a bloody fucking mess. Sounds boring probably but I'm making a point. The blood in this game is fucking awesome.Just look at poor Ricky Hatton below:

Any game that let's me mince someone's face like this gets a thumbs up!

Faces get cut and the blood flows not only on themselves but you too and the mat. Its very realistic and awesome and satisfying and I highly recommend jacking up the slider setting for Physical Damage. Sure the ref may stop the fight but who doesn't want a bloody match?? The good news is the blood doesn't make the game awesome it's the gameplay that totally owns. The boxers look, move and fight realistically. Well... in my case they don't because I want Rocky fights. I want Arturo Gatti vs Micky Ward fights. Those are the bad ass wars I want to participate in, not some boring defensive battle. But die-hard boxing fans can get just as much fun out of it if not more. Still though...

Now the roster is pretty damn good but there are some omissions that are available as DLC that infuriate me to no end. Jack Dempsey, Jack Johnson, Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano and Floyd Patterson are the heavyweights EA rips us off with as paid DLC. Then they rip us off even more with Hearns, Hopkins and Jones Jr and a few others that are simply alternate versions of present boxers but in different classes. I've said from the get go that DLC completely ruins games, particularly if the content you have to pay for is already on the disc which I'm guessing is the case with these fighter packs. Now, 800MS points is like $10 I think or you can buy each fighter separately. Me? Fuck that. With the ability to share created boxers I've already downloaded amazing created boxers of each one. There are a lot of good users out there that make top notch boxers based on real guys. Though there's skill involved with making an exact replica of Morgan Freeman, I won't bother with those, I'll stick with the ones based on real boxers. EA even sells the fictional boxers from the story mode. Fuck EA for that nonsense. 100% Unacceptable. I hate DLC. Hate it for this very reason. But the omissions that EA dicks you for are insane. Obviously EA likes to rape the loyal fans but fuck that, I will not budge. It's bad enough EA sells boost packs to jack up attributes. That's pretty much my only gripe about the game but, it's really every game.

The story mode is cool. You use Andre Bishop, you're in prison and framed for something then you fight your way to the top against a cheesy and unoriginal boss. My issue with this is the fact that you don't have a choice with Andre Bishop, you have to use him. Would have been better if you can create your own guy. There's also the regular career mode that's pretty fun. Completely unchanged from every other Fight Night but still fun. There's obviously the online portion of the game if that's your thing. I don't bother with it. Unless I personally know somebody I don't waste my time playing online (unless it's a FPS). Fight Night Champion is recommended especially since it's pretty cheap now.

Fan-Gasm Score:

The DLC boxers should be free. Inexcusable.

Eyes Wide Shut

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:11:00 +0000

Yeah... it's a great movie.

Continuing my nonstop coverage (dick-eatery, slurp-fest, whatever you prefer) of Stanley Kubrick films I had to choose Eyes Wide Shut as the next one. I don't think I'd rank it as my second favorite Kubrick film but definitely third or fourth. I'd probably have Paths of Glory as my second favorite Kubrick film. Eyes Wide Shut, from here on out referred to as EWS, is pretty much in every one's toilet. Most people don't like it. Before this was released know that the hype, from the media naturally, for this film was ridiculous. Not only did the media hype it up as the first Kubrick film in twelve years but it also hyped up the duo of Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. The reason being, in case you missed it and were either living in a mud hut somewhere or not born yet, they were a couple in reality. Lots of people were probably expecting a Kidman/Cruise sex tape. While that would have been pretty bad ass we got the total opposite. EWS was released in 1999 and I think the couple had separated in 1998. I'm going to guess and say that during filming there were issues between the two that perhaps ended up in the separation. Either way there's a particular scene in which Kidman looks in the mirror as they're making out and she just has this look on her face which when looking at reality makes the scene better. Nothing like channeling your true feelings!

Remove. Your. Clothes. Or do you want us to do it for you?

One thing the movie does is pull you in from the start. Let's face it, any movie whose opening scene has Nicole Kidman sliding her dress off, revealing her completely nude body (from behind), then nonchalantly stepping over it kicking both heels up, is the perfect hook. Who wouldn't pay attention after that? Well... a lot of people sadly. Even the opening scene sets a false tone almost of what you think you're about to witness. While Kidman does show off her body here and there, it's never unnecessary nudity, plus it isn't in your face. Not that I have a problem with nudity in movies, it's just that sometimes it can get a little boring when cock and pussy is shown for the sake of showing it.

Its erotic and creepy at the same time.

Besides... the film isn't all about Nicole Kidman showing off the goods, it's about her character Alice telling her husband Bill that she was tempted to cheat on him with another man while they were staying at a hotel. She saw the man, a sailor if memory serves, and she fantasized about having sex with him... but nothing happened. She declined to try despite admitting that it had crossed her mind that she thought about saying fuck you, fuck our daughter and wealth and our huge apartment! I want to fuck him! So again, she decided not to. All she did was admit that she at least had thought about it. So guys, next time you and your wife are away, keep her away from military guys. What follows is an extremely tense and suspenseful ride through the night of her husband Bill. Not only does he come extremely close to banging a disease-ridden prostitute (his wife unknowingly interrupts the party by calling his cell phone) but he also seems to want in on this whole orgy thing. Now... earlier in the movie we know Bill keeps secrets with friends. Sydney Pollock has a party at his insane mansion and is cheating on his wife in the upstairs bathroom with some naked chick who almost ODs. Well he enlists the help of Bill who tends to the woman and that's that. Meanwhile Alice is downstairs, drunk, dancing with this older guy (who I think is one of the masked men. Perhaps the Pirate looking guy?) who wants nothing more than perform a bit of the old in-out-in-out real savage (nice little Clockwork reference;). She comes very close to cheating here but stops herself at the last second. She doesn't tell Bill of that and he doesn't tell her what he was doing.

The pirate guy... Is he the guy Alice was dancing with? I think so.

Anyways... the rest of movie is so damn suspenseful, especially that creepy piano. Bill stumbles upon a friend who spills a big secret about a party he's playing piano at. Bill, waking up an incestuous pedophile, rents a Venetian mask and cloak because, well that's what you have to wear. Once he gains access he's realizes that this isn't a local Scrabble party, this is an erotic, massive, creepy fucking orgy. I mean there are people screwing everywhere. Everyone getting nailed has an audience. But again... nobody knows who anyone is. We find out later that the people who attend these parties are very rich and extremely powerful people, presumably some of the people run the city and state. This is where things get creepy. They know Bill isn't on the guest list because for one he's the only one who apparently took a cab to this place. Yeah... the Rolls Royce, stretch limos etc, yeah, he must have missed those as he made his way to front door. Well now, the guy in the red cape and gold mask wants him to not only remove his mask but his clothes too. While we don't get to see Tom Cruise junior, he does remove his mask, so then at that point everyone there knows who he is.

I always found it creepy that they pretend to kiss and suck with masks on...

Later Bill goes to his buddies house, the guy who he helped in the beginning. This is probably my favorite scene in the movie because Sydney Pollack is just that awesome. I've seen the movie numerous times and the tension is still there. There's probably too much stuff to go over about the film which is why this isn't that long. Kubrick brings out the best in actors/actresses and it shows here. Nobody is slouching in this film, probably because Kubrick would've been all over them!

"Tom... what were thinking in that Scientology video?"

If you haven't seen this movie you should. Obviously you want the Blu-Ray, not just for the better picture quality however... the Blu-Ray is the unedited version of the film. Yeah... when it was released here in America they edited out a bunch of nudity with black digital figures. Yeah I know, here in the States we can handle extreme violence and excessive gore but nudity is bad. *rolls eyes* Anyways... Don't expect a full on sex romp because it's more than that. It's a suspenseful and surreal story that just happens to involve a lot of nudity. And great acting. Leelee Sobieski even shows up. Her part is very small but pretty fucked up. Anyways...

Fan-Gasm Score:

I think this movie just slips by with a 5-Star rating...

Then and Now: V for Vendetta

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:58:00 +0000

"Remember, remember, the Fifth of November, the Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot... "

That little rhyme will live with me forever. Not because I live in England and take part in the celebration of Guy Fawkes Day but because I love the graphic novel and I love the movie. I've read the graphic novel and watched the film so many times it's practically burnt into my brain. The recent DC Comics announcement of Before Watchmen spurred this post, and in my post about that I voiced my displeasure with Alan Moore. Well there's no choice but to bash him a bit here at some point as well. James McTeigue, who has a nice little resume, directs the film version of V for Vendetta whose screenplay was written by the Wachowski Brothers. If you don't know who they are they made the extremely bad ass 1999 film The Matrix. You know, that bad ass movie that had boring sequels nobody liked? Yep. That one. While researching them for this post I found out that they wrote Assassins. I liked that movie! Anyways, here's my review of the film as well as some of my thoughts on the graphic novel which it is based.

V for Vendetta is set in a future London whose inhabitants are under heavy oppression by the government. The whole Big Brother thing is in place, though much more pleasant as opposed to 1984's dystopian world. Things are bad for the Londoners in V for Vendetta! That is until V (originally portrayed by James Purefoy who left six weeks into filming, then replaced by and voiced flawlessly by Hugo Weaving) decides to exact his revenge against the people who are responsible for what happened to him as well as other prisoners at Larkhill. The film starts off with him dressing in black, a cape, hat and a Guy Fawkes mask. And six bad ass daggers. He saves Evey (Natalie Portman) from Fingermen (police), then invites her along to watch him blow up the Old Bailey and the deep story begins. What follows is nonstop bad assery. Not only is every character memorable in this film but they're convincing and the story is insanely deep and thrilling. We never see V's face just the scars on his hands but Hugo Weaving's mannerisms, movement and voice tell you all you need to know. Whenever you see V he's wearing the Guy Fawkes mask which now is pretty iconic thanks to some annoying lifeless protesters, the occupy people among them.

We follow V getting his revenge for each person who held a position at Larkhill that is responsible for inhumane experiments, beatings, black bagging, etc against not only him but others as well. Each kill is as entertaining as the last and each scene showing V killing those characters are freaking awesome. Then the lead detective who is searching for V (and Evey for that matter), Finch, played amazingly by Stephen Rea, is just flat out awesome. Outside of Portman and Weaving however is a heavyweight: John Hurt. Hurt plays High Chancellor Adam Sutler, a nasty mother fucker who dictates what people do, say, watch, hear etc etc. He's bad. He doesn't rank up there with Hitler but he's definitely on the list of dictators who need to be removed immediately! Much like everything else John Hurt does, he is awesome (with the exception of that stupid role in the last Indiana Jones cash grab. I guess he had some bills due, who knows). And menacing. He's one of those guys you see in a movie that's so fucking nasty you want his face smashed in with a crowbar. And while he doesn't get his face smashed in with a crowbar he does get shot. In the head. Close enough I suppose.

As you can guess, if you haven't seen this movie for some strange reason, V fulfills his ultimate plan by blowing up the Houses of the Parliament which we assume ends the oppressive government (right?). It has to be said again that Hugo Weaving is completely fucking bad ass. First of all his voice is mesmerizing especially when he's reciting lines of poetry and whatnot from MacBeth etc. Anytime V talks you're completely glued to the screen. Every time. How does the film compare to the graphic novel? Very well but there are changes. For starters, in the graphic novel Evey is a teenage prostitute. How they meet is basically the same though. In the graphic novel it is never really clear but we're to assume he's not a freedom fighter like the film has him, but he's a flat out terrorist hell bent on the destruction of the people at Larkhill and the government. A few string of events differ as well, Finch goes on an acid trip (which would have been silly on film), and Prothero is driven insane by V because he basically destroys his doll collection. Ummm...yeah. For real. Thankfully that was changed for the better in the film. Oh yeah, another big change. Evey doesn't become V part II like in the graphic novel (which is pretty cool). Doesn't effect the film in any way however. Then again... who knows, maybe she does become the next V and we're to assume she does? Because after all, she knows where the Shadow Gallery (V's layer) is and how to get there. Just a thought...

I'm not throwing the graphic novel under the bus because as a whole, even with the silly doll nonsense, it is definitely an amazing fucking book. Well worth the time and money. The film however doesn't really have a dull moment and just flows nicely. My big problem, obviously is Alan Moore's hatred of the film. We all know he's a grumpy fucker but for crying out loud. One of his issues with the film is this:

"[The movie] has been "turned into a Bush-era parable by people too timid to set a political satire in their own country.... It's a thwarted and frustrated and largely impotent American liberal fantasy of someone with American liberal values standing up against a state run by neoconservatives — which is not what the comic V for Vendetta was about. It was about fascism, it was about anarchy, it was about England."

I agree with him to an extent but I think it was more coincidence that Bush was around and even if it wasn't a coincindence, how many other adaptations from book to film involve a head villain that comparable to a current one (in this case Bush)? He obviously doesn't get it. And If he would have fixed a little clause in his contract about his comic creations with DC he would be singing a very different tune right now. Even if you're an Alan Moore apologist you have to admit it. It's all about him not making money off the graphic novel. Like I said, he should have went the George Lucas route and took creative control or something over his creation. It's a shame that he wasn't involved with this film or Watchmen but... Life goes on. What can I say? Of course with this attitude I've been flamed by the Moore apologists who listen to everything he says and preach it as law but it doesn't matter to me.

Should you watch this movie? Fuck yes. Buy the Blu-Ray. The entire cast kicks ass particularly Hugo Weaving. Even some you loyal Alan Moore fans who have ignored the film simply because you're king has disowned it for so long, ignore him and just watch the film. You're really missing out. I too was once a Moore sheep, thinking only what he believed, for example he thought Watchmen was unfilmable. Stupidly I believed him until I saw the film, and because I loved it, his credibility disappeared. Yep. Just like that! Then he just became annoying.

Fan-Gasm Score:

V for Victory.

"Before Watchmen"

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:57:00 +0000

WOW! Talk about Fan-Gasm!!

This story fits perfectly into this site's name: Fan-Gasm. So DC Comics is prepping a prequel story for Watchmen. Yeah, you read that right. My initial reaction for this project was "WTF". My second reaction was; "I wonder what Alan Moore thinks?". Then it hit me. It doesn't matter what Alan Moore thinks. And who cares? Obviously he thinks its trash and a total waste of time (much like everything else he isn't involved in). "Completely shameless", is what he's quoted as saying on other sites. Here's where Alan Moore needs to STFU: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Yes. Alan Moore made a boat load off of that and guess what? They weren't his fucking characters!!! But he can turn around and trash Before Watchmen? Oh and we can't forget about Swamp Thing either, another character Moore reinvented. Alan Moore is a fucking hypocrite. Look, I like Alan Moore's work but enough is enough of this guy already. Ever since he regurgitated his thoughts all over comic book sites (read that link to see how much of a bitter douche bag he is) about the V for Vendetta movie I simply stopped liking the guy. I can't stand him anymore. He never has anything nice to say about anyone or anything. I'll always hold up Watchmen and V for Vendetta as my favorite comics but that's as far as it goes. I'm so sick of this guy. Its one thing to dislike what someone is doing to your creations but, he seems to go out of his way just to comment on it. Tired of it. Tired of him and his snake worshiping. Anyways... Enough of that crazy old coot...

These will also have something similar to the Tales of the Black Freighter, each issue will have two pages dedicated to telling this new story; "Curse of the Crimson Corsair", which I think is going a bit too far in terms of nostalgia but, then again if handled properly everything about this will own. I myself am a huge geek for Watchmen. I first read Watchmen in my late teens and have loved it ever since. I think the characters in Watchmen are probably the most well constructed comic characters of all time. Each back story is so deep and detailed. The universe of Watchmen is insanely complex and detailed that it just begs to be dealt with, which is why this Before Watchmen is a great idea.

Obviously they're going to make a ton of money off of this mini-series and rightfully so, Watchmen has a massive following of loyal fans (myself included). DC will know for sure when the second issues ship if the fans love it or loathe it. Currently I went from bleh to extremely hype about it. I'm actually fantasizing about another movie but that may be stretching it, at least for now.

If they were to do another movie I wouldn't mind Zack Snyder returning to do it, in fact I'd love it. Zack Snyder's Watchmen, though changed from the graphic novel, was absolutely amazing from start to finish. The fact that he changed the ending was disappointing to hear but once I saw it opening night I didn't even care. Didn't care one bit. I thought it was brilliant and actually slightly better than the giant octopus in the middle of Manhattan. I get that it was used as a scapegoat but the way Snyder spun his own version was fantastic. Snyder's Watchmen world was believable. Gritty, scary and realistic and most importantly, it had that lived-in feel. Things were falling apart, worn down, broken, which is a reason why the original Star Wars worked. It looked like people had lived there for years and used things. To each his own though as there are many people who hated the movie, but most of those people are Alan Moore apologists who believe and stand by everything the man says.

Plus you have to look at the team behind each series. They're all pretty good, a couple of new faces for me but I can get used to that. I'll be looking up things they've done to get used to their stuff. I think if they stay true to the characters and their behaviors and give even a good story, this could turn out to be one of the best mini-series of all time. I'm definitely optimistic about this. Very, very exciting.

From DC's website:

BEFORE WATCHMEN includes:

RORSCHACH (4 issues) – Writer: Brian Azzarello. Artist: Lee Bermejo

MINUTEMEN (6 issues) – Writer/Artist: Darwyn Cooke

COMEDIAN (6 issues) – Writer: Brian Azzarello. Artist: J.G. Jones

DR. MANHATTAN (4 issues) – Writer: J. Michael Straczynski. Artist: Adam Hughes

NITE OWL (4 issues) – Writer: J. Michael Straczynski. Artists: Andy and Joe Kubert

OZYMANDIAS (6 issues) – Writer: Len Wein. Artist: Jae Lee

SILK SPECTRE (4 issues) – Writer: Darwyn Cooke. Artist: Amanda Conner

The downside is that if DC fails to deliver, not only will us Watchmen fanatics find the nearest corner to weep in but we'll also have to listen to Alan Moore and his loyal gaggle of yes-men spewing the tired and old formula of "Told You So" nonsense. That will be annoying. I'll be more devastated for the fact that my hype meter has already reached the stratosphere as I've always wondered if DC would ever go back to the Watchmen world.

It will be a very interesting year for sure and I'll no doubt be at my comic shop on day one. There's lot of stories that can be told with these characters since there is a lot of ground to cover leading up to the events of Watchmen. I love all of the characters and I'm really excited for the the Minutemen series. I wonder if this series takes off and becomes insanely popular, will Alan Moore throw the fans under the bus like he does the comic industry?

Then it Ruled... Now it Sucks (Lawnmower Man)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:11:00 +0000

The Battle of the Bulge

When I first saw this I was 13 and I thought it was the greatest movie ever. I thought the special effects were realistic. I, along with every other pre-teen, thought that this virtual reality stuff was legit and would eventually be available in every home. And no... Nintendo's Virtual Boy doesn't count. So I thought all of that stuff was great and I loved it. It also had the first sex scene I remember seeing without having to close my eyes. I'm sure I've seen other sex scenes but this one just stands out to me for some reason or another. Lawnmower Man is based on a Stephen King book. Pierce Brosnan plays a doctor who is trying to make chimps smart with drugs and virtual reality. So he does what any scientist would do, he plucks up the local retard landscaper and uses him as a guinea pig. Before becoming full time guinea pig, Jobe, played by Jeff Fahey, lives in a shed. Owned by a priest. Creepy right? Kind of fits in with all of this Catholic stuff going on. Anyways... the priest abuses Jobe... but not sexually. At least that we know of. He could possibly be doing that off screen, he just beats the shit out of him. What's funnier is the abusive priest's brother, who is an alcoholic, is Jobe's boss... talk about getting a raw deal. Anyways blah blah Pierce Brosnan then takes Jobe under his wing to experiment on him. And obviously his experiments start working, and after awhile... Jobe becomes sexy. Then smart. Really smart.

"Pierce, do you think my career will take off after this?" "No."

He eventually gets smart enough to become one with the computer. Or the computer program. Something like that. All we know is that while Jobe is hooked up to this hanging sex looking contraption, his body rots away within minutes which presumably allows his mind enter the computer world, or program or something. Then he becomes immortal or something. Of course Pierce does what he can to stop him but every telephone in the world rings simultaneously. There's even virtual reality crucifixions and virtual reality sex!

"Sorry Jeff but the only significant thing you'll be doing will be in 16 yrs"

The last time I saw this movie was probably then. That was twenty years ago! So when I fired up a copy of this I started smiling because I had a feeling this flick didn't stand the test of time. Guess what? I was right. The movie blows. I mean it is horrible. That awesome sex scene I remember rewinding multiple times on my parent's Betamax? Awful. The amazing virtual reality scenes? Tear inducing. Jeff Fahey? LOL. Pierce Brosnan? LOL. As if Pierce Brosnan doesn't look douche enough these days, he has this movie to put on his resume but I guess he can at least say he was a good Bond (until Daniel Craig showed up and we forgot about him). And Fahey... well... he was in LOST so, I guess working the B movie circuit for thirty years paid off. Either way, this movie blows. It was a bad ass movie back then... now it sucks.

Fan-Gasm Score:

Don't even waste your time getting a torrent

2001: A Space Odyssey

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:49:00 +0000

Stanley Kubrick is my favorite director of all time. I pretty much believe everything he has ever done in his career is as great as the invention of the wheel. I also think he should be canonized a saint... but maybe that's just me;) There are a lot of folks who would disagree with me greatly however when it comes to Kubrick and his films. Some think his films are pretentious. Some think his films are drawn out bore-fests. Some hate the films because they don't like violence or profanity or nudity etc... Others simply don't like the man because of whatever reason. There are even people who don't even know who Kubrick but know his films and vice versa. To each his own. One thing I dislike and laugh at is the fact that when I'm in a heated debate out a Kubrick movie, and the other person hates one or all of his movies but can never give a single legitimate reason why other than "it's boring". That's with any film or director but especially so for Kubrick given the division his movies have given audiences.

2001: A Space Odyssey is the perfect movie for friendly movie buffs to argue about. For the most part almost everyone I know who have seen the movie hate it. Not just the ones who didn't get it or didn't understand it but, even the ones who got it. I've met people who dug the flick but hated the fact that it's left open for interpretation. "Open endings... Nothing ruins a movie more! It's so stupid"; I'll hear them say. Another big issue is the classical music used throughout most of the run time. Then there's the Black Monolith, the fate of Dave Bowman, etc... Us nerds know that the book, written by Arthur C. Clarke, explains everything quite thoroughly, particularly the Black Monolith (I don't know why I capitalize black monolith). In the film its pretty ambiguous, much like a lot of other things. I've always felt the monolith is easily deciphered when looked at as a whole with what's going on in the story. Whenever the monolith appears in the film something happens. Usually that something is a massive advancement that is either evolutionary or technological. The apes come across it in the beginning of the film and the next thing you know these savage animals begin using bones as weapons and tools. That's a big step considering moments before their hands were used as hammers, bashing another apes skull in.

What makes this film stand out from the pack is the very fact that as I've said is that it's open to interpretation. As Stanley Kubrick said himself;

"You're free to speculate as you wish about the philosophical and allegorical meaning of the film, and such speculation is one indication that it has succeeded in gripping the audience at a deep level, but I don't want to spell out a verbal road map for2001 that every viewer will feel obligated to pursue or else fear he's missed the point."

Outside of the whole argument of Kubrick's black monolith is HAL. A whole blog could be written about HAL. Hell, a whole blog could be written about how and why HAL malfunctions. On a whole, 2001 could basically be summed as man's destiny in and with the universe.

Take a stress pill... Think things over.

With 2001, Kubrick revolutionized special effects. His practical effects are absolutely amazing and if you want to know what influenced George Lucas while making his space opera that studios initially laughed at, look no further. Not only are Kubrick's effects, models and sets ridiculously detailed and amazing, they're believable. The classical music sets the tone for the entire movie which at one point in the film are almost replaced by silence. Fear not though, it doesn't turn into a silent film its just that for the most part there's no background noise. On top of the silence you hear the actors and of course, the star of the show, HAL 9000. Voiced by Douglas Rain, HAL's soft, soothing and almost hypnotic voice practically carry the remainder of the film. That isn't a knock to what's going on in the least bit mind you, because what's going on is intriguing.

If you love movies that make you use your brain during and after and you haven't seen this, you seriously need to watch it. Much like the series Lost, A Space Odyssey will leave you banging your head trying to figure out what the fuck just happened and why. I've seen the movie numerous times especially since it came out on blu-ray. Speaking of which... Chances are good that you'll pick up this film on blu-ray and you will immediately notice how clear it looks. For a film that was made in 1968, it almost looks as it if were filmed within the past ten years. HAL may be the star of the film but Dave Bowman (played by Keir Dullea) is no slouch. His performance is believable whether he's playing a friendly game of chess with HAL or exacting revenge against HAL. Dullea's facial expressions alone are iconic. Gary Lockwood, who plays Frank Poole, is also pretty good. Not only do I rank it as my favorite science fiction film of all time but its my favorite film period. It is because of this film that I'm such a Kubrick fan-boy. A Space Odyssey made me the movie buff I am now. 2001 on blu-ray is practically flawless. As I said, the picture is pristine. 2001's blu-ray is demo-material. Seriously. And while it doesn't offer up a booming, house rattling, surround sound experience like some mindless Michael Bay flick, it definitely isn't one you'll soon forget.

Let's not forget the special features though. The blu-ray is packed with special features:

Commentary by Keir Dullea and Gary Lockwood
2001: The Making of a Myth (Channel 4 Documentary)
Four Featurettes
2001: Effects and Early Conceptual Artwork
Look: Stanley Kubrick
1966 Interview with Kubrick (Audio only)
Trailer

Everything the body needs. Presently, you can pick up this blu-ray on Amazon for about $8 used, even new it's cheap. If you haven't seen it you should.

Fan-Gasm Score:

A film by which all others are judged.

My New Rating System

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:53:00 +0000

This is something I've been wanting to do for awhile now, a visual rating system. So if you're too lazy to read a review of mine you can scroll down and check out my rating images. Its a scale of 1 to 5, five being the best.

Finally... Took me long enough...

There's the chart. Here's how my grades breakdown....

Face Melting Awesomeness. Epic Win. Highly Recommended.

There are flaws but the Bad-Assery prevails.

Enjoyable... as long as you don't pay for it.

Paying your x-wife child support may be more enjoyable

Your typical 'splooge in hand/smack in face' bullshit.

Right off the bat I have two things from yesterday that piss me of:. the NHL all star game and the NFL pro bowl. Both events are such a joke that instead of wasting time covering what did and didn't happen in either snooze fest, I'll simply grade them and save you the time you'd waste reading about it somewhere else.

The NHL's All-Star game is nothing compared to the Whales Vs. Campbell's conference stuff I got as a kid...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The NFL is a joke anyway... Nobody cares.

There you have it.

Shadow Complex (Xbox Live Arcade Review)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:13:00 +0000

This gem was released in 2009 and due to me having a PS3 up until last year I missed out on it. Initially I was a 360 guy, I bought a system at launch and about a year later I got the RROD. So the for whatever reason I opted to not get it fixed and instead jumped on board Sony and got the PS3 (and eventually had two). Then last year TWO PS3's shit on me, yes back to back, and that left me a 360 Elite I had bought for my son to play at my home. Now I'm Xbox exclusive once again.

While rooting around for some type of game on the game marketplace this seemed appealing and I decided to research it and I read that not only is the game three years old but it's basically a Super Metroid rip-off which was all I needed to hear being the huge nerd I am. I didn't realize how badly a rip-off it was until I actually played it! And guess what? It's fucking amazing. It is also developed by Chair, the same people who made Infinity Blade I and II, which are the best games available on iOS. Is it better than Metroid? Well that depends but most 2D side scrollers aren't. I'll throw some controversial views into this since one of my best friends is hardcore Metroid man:) Shadow Complex is better than Metroid, Metroid II, any Metroid with the word Prime attached to it and also the stupid pinball cash grab game and Other M. If it wasn't for Super Metroid's story I'd probably even take Shadow Compex over that. However... it doesn't hold a candle to Fusion but then again, Fusion was/is one of those rare games that's pretty much flawless. Would I take it over Zero Mission? That's a tough call. I may, I dunno yet. Who knows what Nintendo is thinking with the whole FPS idea though (the Prime games and Other M). It just doesn't fly with me, never has. Imagine how huge a 2D Metroid game would be on a disc as opposed to a cartridge. It would be massive! But let's not hold our breath because most likely it'll never happen. There may be another on the 3DS or whatever but... Anyways...

I'm sure this will be looked at as blasphemy and that's fine but take a minute and go play Super Metroid again. Much like any game of old we hold high up on a galactic pedestal, when you go back and play them they're not as great as they once were. Sure the memories of the game being amazing are there but nowadays it really isn't. Like I said, story wise Super Metroid has this game beat but game-play wise Shadow Complex is on a whole other level. Face it, Super Metroid is dated. Recently I fired up my Wii and tried playing it again and that feeling I once had for it was no longer there. The game is clunky by today's standards. So instead of ruining the game's legacy for me I just shut it off and will be happy with my fond memories I had with it in the past. Again... Fusion on the other hand is the greatest 2D side-scroller. Ever. There's just no comparison. So Shadow Complex starts off simple. You and your girlfriend are out backpacking and find some caves and decide to go climbing and exploring. She then disappears, naturally, and you go and try and find out where she is. Turns out that those caverns are really an entrance to a massive complex hidden beneath mountains. It's like a hidden military base, filled with armed soldiers and ED-209 type shit that will jack you up real quick. The game is 2D but the graphics are rendered in 3D and much like Metroid, you can climb, aim, hang, jump and blast your way through this labyrinth like base. There are even doors that can only be opened using specific weapons! Your character even levels up, and I think the max level is 50. Throughout this complex you'll find better guns too. One thing that's cool is your guy has a flashlight which is very helpful, particularly in places that are literally pitch black. The graphics and lighting are top notch too! But the game shines the best in its gameplay. The developers literally based the game play around Super Metroid so as you can see so far by my description everything you've done in Metroid you'll basically be able to do here. Your character Jason isn't as awesome as Samus, obviously, but he's still a cool dude.

Once you complete the game, which should last about 10 hours or so, you can start a new one with your leveled up character but you lose your weapons. Still awesome though. I still have a lot to do however to get that 100% completion I want so badly. Sadly PS3 users don't have the chance to play this great game, that sucks. Even if you don't agree that the game is better than the Metroid games I mentioned, one thing is certain: Shadow Complex is absolutely amazing. Highly recommended!

LOST: The Complete Collection (Blu-Ray)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 13:28:00 +0000

As you may know from my previous post, I just recently became a Lost addict. Having never watched an episode prior watching one on Netflix, I immediately ordered the set from Amazon (got it used for $85!) because I needed to view this in the best quality available since I liked it so much. I had no idea how addicted I'd become. Despite the seemingly worldwide coverage of Lost when it ended I never bothered to even read about the finale but I remember seeing a lot of Facebook statuses at the time and it was half and half I suppose, half hated the finale half loved. So another great thing was going into this series without any knowledge of it and not having to worry about spoilers through Facebook status updates. Plus I stayed away from all message boards or reviews that could have spoiled it.

The Black Box

While I wasn't on board with Lost during its run time, I was on board during The Sopranos life cycle. When the series finale ended we all held our breath when the screen went blank, stood up, yelled and blamed whoever was closest to the remote control. Cursing ensued. We. Were. Fucking. PISSED. OFF. Then of course we realized that that was the end. Much like Lost's finale, The Soranos ending totally split the fan base. For example the most popular theories on the Sopranos finale were:

Tony Dies: This is the side of the fence I'm on. The show ends with Tony Soprano getting whacked, hence the black screen. The show has always been centered around Tony Soprano and once he gets whacked at the end, there isn't any more story to tell. Most of the interesting and likable characters are gone (in hiding, dead, trial, jail etc) and Tony's son A.J is not only a total pussy but a complete head case who can barely survive on his own and acts like a child so the theory of him taking over is squashed. And we all know Meadow isn't taking over.

Tony Lives: The show ends with a black screen making the viewers feel paranoid and anxious of what is going to happen, the same feeling that Tony has throughout the entire series and how his life has always been and always will be (because any and every mafia boss is a target). Sounds nice... but this theory caters to the fans who think David Chase is going to make more. Its been almost six years now and there hasn't been a peep other than internet rumors and some of the cast wanting to do more. David Chase hasn't spoke publicly abut the Sopranos since the show ended. As Chase said; "I have no interest in explaining, defending, reinterpreting, or adding to what is there." End of story.

Typing this makes me want to watch it again...

But anyways... I can't help to get caught up in Soprano talk... While tearing through Lost's six seasons I was very anxious about seeing the finale. With the Sopranos, upon the first viewing of the series finale I hated it. HATED it. Then after a couple more views I eventually loved it after watching it numerous times and now I actually consider it to be one of my top five episodes. So I wondered if this would be the same, turns out it wasn't the same. The most I remember hearing about Lost's end was that it was too sappy. I never thought a sappy ending would bother me at all or any other kind of ending, as long as it felt right. Every single episode completely sucked me into the world of Lost, made me think and made me care about the characters. I still think about it a lot. I've had dreams about it. Sometimes I'll Google "Lost Rumors" to see if there will be a season seven or a movie or whatever (wishful thinking I know, but I still hope for a season seven of OZ and Sopranos). I don't know why I do that but I do. Lost gave me that "I NEED to know" feeling.

I love the temple box!

During my viewing of this series, just when I thought a character was my favorite, someone else turned into my favorite. Currently I want to change my name to Sayid Jarrah... a couple of weeks ago I wanted to be John Locke next week I'll probably want to be Jacob. And so on. One thing I noticed, and it hasn't hindered my overall impression of the show, is that with each passing season it seems like something went missing, or was different and I can't put my finger on it. Its not to say each season got worse but I think the writing changed a lot, particularly some characters don't seem as in depth as others etc. But again... it hasn't changed my feeling of the show though, probably due to having the ability to watch each season back to back. I'm sure the year long waits and whatnot were problems but whatever (it was for Sopranos!). The show absolutely kicked fucking ass and I'm dying to re-watch it. So now that that is out of the way...

If only the map had landmarks:/

What did I think of the finale? I thought it was the best finale I have ever seen. I'd probably rank Lost as the best written show I've ever seen. But the finale... There were a lot of sappy moments as I remember hearing and I think they were all done to perfection. About midway through the series I started leaning towards the notion that they're all dead and I was sort of right. I think the flash-sideways were a purgatory of sorts, some type of afterlife, and since they're dead they kind of need a jump start to remember what happened. A place where time stands still since Christian made the comment about time not mattering. Of course we are to assume I guess that these people do the Jedi afterlife trick and look the same as they did at a particular moment in their lives when they all met because after all, surviving on the island was the most important part of their lives. Right? So who knows really how long Hurley was the new Jacob. For all we know it could have been fifty years later or whenever all of the survivors died and could finally meet up in that subconscious afterlife so they can finally move on, like go to Heaven together perhaps. After taking about a month to watch all six seasons I'm emotionally attached to the characters so I can imagine how it was following the show for six years. And I'll bravely admit that I was a little teary eyed throughout the entire finale:) The flash-sideways scenes were real emotional in particular and of course the meet up in the church cutting back and forth to Jack dying where the show began. I mean, in all honesty, who wasn't teary eyed during the final episode? It was so well written and acted it was fucking insane. You'd have to be a freaking robot to not have any emotions during something like that and I'm not the crying type when it comes to movies/shows. I've never cried while watching something (except in the mid eighties at the local theater, I was a kid and I cried when Optimus Prime died) but I've gotten teary eyed and Lost's finale was one of those very rare moments (the others being Band of Brothers episode "Why We Fight", Liam Neeson losing it at the end of Schindler's List [even though it was historically inaccurate]... then of course there's Vera during Roger Waters The Wall concert). Now that its over I have lots of unanswered questions but I think some were left unanswered to keep us talking about it. Some questions I don't want official answers for, its much more fun speculating with fellow fans or simply myself. Overall the 'The End' was absolutely thrilling from start to finish and I can't think of any other way it could have ended or been better. Here's a quick season by season grade:

Season One: 9/10
Season Two: 9/10
Season Three: 8/10
Season Four: 8/10
Season Five: 9/10
Season Six: 10/10

Not everyone will agree with me on my season rankings but that's what makes interesting conversations! Disagreements! One thing I do wish was done was more Jacob. Whenever Jacob came around I was totally mesmerized by the character but I suppose adding more of him may have taken away from him. One small question, and I may have missed the answer during my viewing, how come the MIB never shows himself as he originally looks? Does he need to take form of someone else? Or those part of the rules? Not a big deal to me just something I was wondering.

I'm still trying to understand this game...

The series comes housed in a nice sized black box (no pun intended), it names on it and a silhouette of an airplane. Inside that black box is a temple shaped boxed. Outlines of the survivors, the LOST logo and hieroglyphs are on the sides. The lid easily comes off and on the underside is a map. There's an episode guide, a black light (for finding clues in the box), an Ankh with a hidden message, a letter from the Black Rock journal, and a Senet game complete with bone and black rocks and brown plastic pieces. There's also a hidden disc. Highlight to reveal: On the other side of the lid, what has the embossed/raised map of the island, shine the black light on it to reveal the wheel and arrows pointing to the way you spin it. Its a little tough and you may mess up or bend the cardboard, but once you rotate it 90 degrees it lifts off revealing the hidden disc. Also... that little Ankh cross opens up and has a message with symbols... well, when you're on the menu of that hidden disc, use your remote to input those symbols, up down whatever... It reveals how to play the Senet game. End highlight. I have to say... Once you remove the hidden disc keep it out because its a pain in the fucking ass putting everything back in place.

The Ankh and the "bonus" disc...

Each season is housed in somewhat flimsy cardboard foldout holders. They do their job sure and fit with the look of the set but... I'm not big on those fold outs disc holders, especially when they possibly scratch the discs. So far so good for me but I've read other reviews where people say a disc was scratched. Each season also comes with special features. The special features are fantastic and I could probably write about them alone because I'm so addicted that I need to talk about Lost. I'm always Googling Lost related shit. I haven't gone so far as to read fan fiction though unless I'm pointed towards one that is actually worth reading. As far as I know all of the special features that were on the regular season releases are present.

Dharma black light, the Ankh and a letter from the Black Rock journal...

At the end of the day, having the Lost temple just sitting there is freaking awesome. Whether I'm watching the show or not I'm always fiddling with it and looking through it, reading over the episode guide, playing with the black light... It hasn't gotten old yet. Plus the temple has a rough feel to it, this glittery rock like feel. Totally bad ass. Whenever I stop being lazy and construct myself a Man-Cave this will definitely be my center piece among my Star Wars things. It may be the best box set I've ever seen, its definitely the best and coolest looking set I own. You'd think that George Lucas would have gone all out such as this when they released the Star Wars Saga on Blu-Ray. Like an "Imperial Star Wars" box set, with a Star Destroyer disc case or something.Oh well... Anyways Lost's sound is great as well as the video quality. One thing you will notice is that at times, certain scenes, whether they're day or night scenes, seem really grainy then quickly goes back to crystal clarity. Not sure why it does that but... there's nothing we can do about it. There's also Season Play which keeps track of what you watch. I remember using a similar function with the Alien Blu-Ray set. Pretty cool! I'll probably re-watch the series again and maybe get more answers. Either way... I'm pissed off that I wasn't a fan of Lost during its run time. I kind of miss the wait between seasons for shows that I love, being anxious for what is to come is great and other than the Walking Dead I'm not a huge fan of any series on TV at the moment. So what now? What is life after Lost? Well there's Alcatraz... not quite Lost but...

My favorite box set ever. It freaking owns!

David Bowie

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 02:08:00 +0000

Pastels on 6-1/2 X 13 paper... I'm a little rusty with pastels:/ it's been awhile

Why David Bowie Kicks Ass

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 19:10:00 +0000

I've always been a big David Bowie fan and as an artist I've always wanted to draw/paint him but never got around to it for whatever reason. There are no shortages of great pictures featuring Bowie's different looks throughout his career. They range from extremely flamboyant to the regular looking man he is today, all the pictures are great. Bowie is a chameleon not only in his appearance but also his music. While looking for a picture I ended up searching YouTube videos and came across this:

This video is amazing, kudos to the person who put it together. Lady Stardust is probably my favorite Bowie song (along with 5 Years). If you're a fan of Marilyn Manson (or not), I'm sure you are aware of him and if you're aware of him you more than likely had to have seen at least a picture of Marilyn on stage at a concert. The video above, actually any video of Bowie in concert, but the above video showcases more of Bowie's theatrical stage presence, and when you look at Manson live you can clearly see how much Bowie influenced him. Of course, as a Manson fan myself, I've heard Marilyn in interviews many times hold Bowie up very high as most influential (along with Judas Priest, Alice Cooper, Sabbath etc). Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and like I said with Manson, his shows just scream David Bowie. From the way he moves to the multiple flamboyant (and mostly insane) costume changes during a set-list. But this isn't about Marilyn Manson, this is about why David Bowie kicks ass. Other than Manson, Bowie has influenced probably more bands than you think.

Each Bowie album sounds different from the last and with each new album is a new Bowie, at least visually. Every different look he's had were just as bizarre as the previous ones. The best part is that each different look fit perfectly into the style of music he was playing at the time. Bowie kicks ass and music today would be a lot different had he not been around. So not only did Bowie spawn an entire subculture of flamboyant men (and women too, just look at Madonna and Lady Gaga and any other extreme dresser) he also paved the way for other musicians like Trent Reznor, Manson, the Sex Pistols, Iggy Pop, etc and with distinct musical qualities and genres. Well, musically speaking, he didn't invent the wheel but he certainly re-invented it. Sure, a lot of those bands may have been around anyway but they probably wouldn't be the same without Bowie's impact.

Obviously I'm not saying everything Bowie has done was perfect. Much like any musician he has a handful of bad stuff... A friend recently reminded me of this atrocity:

From platform boots, skintight vinyl pants with teased red hair and make-up, to the casual Bowie with chin length hair of today, no matter what he's wearing, David Bowie captivates you audibly and visually.

Expendables 2 Ruined by Chuck Norris

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 14:04:00 +0000

Thanks for making it PG-13 Chuck...

In the sequel to the manliest movie ever made, us fans got what we asked for: Chuck Norris. We wanted Chuck Norris to join the 80s party to kick ass and take names. Well we got'em... and with him we also got his goody two shoes bullshit. Instead of getting F-bombs we're probably going to get something more along of the lines gosh darnet or oh fudge! Yeah... Thanks Chuck. This is what Chuck had to say:

"With The Expendables 2, you have a lot of hard language in there that means that young people won’t be able to see it. I said, I don’t do movies like that. I didn’t do them in the past, I didn’t do them on my TV series. I said, you have to cut out all the language, hardcore language or I can’t do it. So they did, and Expendables is now a PG-13 film so kids can see it."

This party's over.

Shame on Stallone for letting this happen, he's running this show and bows down because Chuck doesn't approve of hardcore language because he wants kids to see the movie. All of the sudden he doesn't approve of this? Did he forget his Missing in Action films? They're rated R! I wonder if Chuck Norris bothered watching the first film. *sigh* Oh well... There's always the uncut version Stallone could give us on Blu-Ray.

George Lucas calls the Wah-ambulance

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:40:00 +0000

Yeah... This pretty much sums it up.

So Lucas wants to retire and make small films only, yeah we've heard him say that before. Here's a quote from the bearded one:

“Why would I make any more,” Lucas says of the “Star Wars” movies, “when everybody yells at you all the time and says what a terrible person you are?”

He sounds like a child who just lost his red balloon. This is a textbook case of a one time genius who

SIMPLY. DOESN'T. FUCKING. GET IT.

Alcatraz (2-Hour Premiere)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 13:42:00 +0000

Will this fill the Lost void?

In 1963 Alcatraz was closed down due to horrid living conditions etc... basically the place was an utter shit-hole. The guards and prisoners were all transferred to other prisons. That was the official story. The truth however, in the show, was that the guards and prisoners mysteriously vanished. Disappeared without a trace and suddenly, in present times, the vanished inmates are starting to appear committing crimes (murder basically). To make things even more strange and interesting, the reappearing inmates haven't aged a day. Rebecca Madsen, played by Sarah Jones, is the homicide detective. Her sidekick is Hurley, or, Jorge Garcia, his character is named Dr. Diego "Doc" Soto. Hurley (face it, I can't stop calling him Hurley) is an Alcatraz expert, having written four books about it, he's also a comic book fan. Due to circumstances, he's given permission to work with the homicide detective. Sorry to be be pretty vague but I don't want to spoil the story.

Since each episode will focus on a newly introduced, reappearing inmate, some people are complaining about the show already being monotonous. I wouldn't listen to them. It'll all depend on how interesting each character is that they introduce. So far Jack Slyvane was pretty interesting. Ernest Cobb, the second inmate introduced, was fantastic. Though the second episode was better than the first, they both were awesome and very entertaining. I'm pretty stoked about the next one! So don't listen to the naysayers. The show is good and comparisons are already being made with Lost. Don't believe those either. It isn't Lost. Nothing will ever be Lost. However it is similar because of the flashbacks... and Hurley. Detectives trying to solve time traveling, murdering, prison inmates is awesome. Watch it! While it doesn't completely fill the Lost void... its still entertaining.

Minecraft LOST (Map)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 13:30:00 +0000

Epic is an understatement!

Having just got into Lost what better way to get more of a fix than to hit up a fan made map for the massively popular Minecraft game? Since I began playing Minecraft I've always constructed my own worlds or add to existing worlds of mine but nothing like this. Of course once I got into Lost my first thought was to make a map in Minecraft based on the island, hatches and all. Well, I no longer need to for this is the definitive Minecraft Lost experience. As you can no doubt see on the map just about everything is included. I wonder if the Cabin is there hidden away somewhere...

I explored this map for a couple hours and still haven't found everything yet. The creators (here's their YouTube page) put a lot of enemies on the map which makes it challenging and a lot more fun. Along with the map is a text file showing you certain things to follow in order, a quest list so to speak. It really is a lot of fun. I followed it to an extent then went by my own knowledge of events. Then simply explored.

As with pretty much everything else I like I'm late to the party. This map is almost a year old but then again I just started playing Minecraft within the last few months so, I suppose it isn't that bad. I didn't include too many screen captures but the ones I did you can clearly see the amount of time and effort that these guys put into this. Obviously Lost fans can instantly recognize what they're looking at.

You don't even need to be a fan of Lost to appreciate and enjoy this massive map. There are a ton of things to do (and see) and they're all awesome. Obviously Minecraft fans should only bother with this. Its such a massive map that I've gotten lost several times, particularly at night when the monsters come out and I'm running in all directions trying to escape because I have no weapons. This is definitely worth downloading. Easily a 5-Star map.

Blogger's Dynamic Views... Fail

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:13:00 +0000

Dynamic Views, HA! enough of that nonsense. The Dynamic views Blogger offers are so bare and empty I had to step back and shake my head. They look nice and are very clean and uncluttered but at the same time they takes away ALL customization and all the widgets that are crucial. Of course those of us who use Blogger would know how to add or follow a blog without the help of a widget but some people don't know how to do it and would rather click a Follow button. So that's that. Unless they fix them I won't use them any more.

Jimi Hendrix (Pen & Ink)

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 14:01:00 +0000

Possibly my favorite piece of artwork I've done so far of who I believe is the greatest guitarist of all time.

Tusken Raider Cosplay

noreply@blogger.com (Michael Majewski) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 17:37:00 +0000

This costume cost a nice hunk of change but in the end it was totally worth it. It took hours and hours hours to complete over the course of about a month and a half, possibly two. After the torture my wife went through, who was pregnant at the time, it was finished. The house no longer smells of epoxy and rubber cement and plumber's putty and oil paints.

I made the costume for Halloween but more importantly, the 501st. A worldwide costuming group who marches around in amazing custom made costumes all in the name of charity. I'm a cadet but I'm not sure if I was fully approved yet. Still waiting for a response. Last I heard it was very close to being 100% screen accurate. Easily my favorite costume I've made.