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A therapist sent a message asking for ideas after one pre-teen landed in the hospital with dehydration after refusing to eat or drink after her favorite “sippy” cup broke. The situation is becoming so serious there is consideration of inserting a g-button. This is a last resort, of course, but, if it becomes necessary, there is some concern that the youngster will yank it out. Below are some ideas I shared with the family, therapist, and medical team.
1. I’m assuming the parents have purchased a new cup. In most cases, the transition to a new object can only work if the new cup or utensil is the same brand, same shape, and same color. Change – even in small details – can be very frustrating for some of our friends with autism.
2. Sometimes my friends who have these issues are tied to the smell of the object. I’m guessing just the bottom part of the cup broke, so, if the parents still have access to the top of the old cup, they might be able to put the old lid on the new cup to bring back the familiar smell.
3. They can also wash a new cup a number of times using the same type of washing they used with the old cup – dishwasher or hand washing or whatever using the same type of soap – to bring back that familiar feel and smell. I would also encourage them to fill it with the liquid the youngster usually drinks, then pour it out before washing then filling and washing over and over. (Think of breaking in a new blanket or pillow or seasoning a new cast iron skillet.)
4. Sometimes we tend to “make a big deal” over these types of transitions. It may work better to be matter-of-fact, saying nothing about the new cup and following the same routine for meals as usual – same time of day, same chair & table, same food, same atmosphere and conversation, etc.
5. Even if it doesn’t seem as if the youngster understands the conversations, it is absolutely critical that no one discuss her stubbornness, her refusal to eat or drink, or any other aspect of this situation in front of her, when she is asleep, or at any time or place with a remote chance of her overhearing the conversation/debate.
Because this situation is seriously threatening the health and well being of this youngster, it is critical to come up with a solution to get her back in the habit of eating and drinking. Then it would be good to start a specific program to slowly help her tolerate transition and change. For example, if the family is, indeed, able to acclimate the youngster to a new cup, they will want to purchase and “season” 5 or 6 cups to rotate in and out every day.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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While it is true that some individuals diagnosed with autism seem disconnected from society in general or tend to avoid contact with people, the range of social interaction in autism is very broad. Some people with autism
may not interact or talk, and others seem to prefer to be alone but tolerate the presence of other people. Some individuals with autism are easily over-stimulated and become very excited in the presence of other people, kicking their legs, flapping their hands, or rocking vigorously. Some people might laugh or talk uncontrollably, or they may bite their own hand in their excitement. Their response to other people is certainly a contrast to the stereotypical person with autism who shuns social contact.
I have some friends with autism who are very aggressive – they pull hair, bite, or hit anyone who comes within reaching distance. Some display explosive behavior – screaming loudly, throwing or tearing items, or running around the room when an unfamiliar person comes into the room. Some aggressive behavior may, of course, just be a result of excitement or the lack of ability to communicate to people in more appropriate ways.
In the case of the high school student described at the beginning of our podcast, he appears to have another trait commonly found in autism. He has a rather obsessive interest in people, resulting in what is perceived as overly-friendly behavior. It would probably be helpful for someone to coach him, helping the teen learn how far to stand away from a person, which personal questions are “off-limits,” and how to be a friendly without being overbearing. Many of my talkative friends with autism also need to learn the fine art of conversation, i.e. appropriate conversation topics, how to give-and-take rather than hogging the conversation, how to avoid interrupting, and how to end a conversation before the other person becomes irritated.
So, the high school teacher brought up a point that is true of all aspects of autism – we simply cannot make assumptions about what to expect with a diagnosis of autism. There are vast differences in each person’s strengths and areas of need.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Autism is complex, and requires on-going assessment and monitoring of individual strengths and deficits. We cannot assume, for example, a non-verbal high school student with autism is unable to read or to understand physics. We cannot assume a college graduate and successful professional with autism is toilet-trained.
The Autism Society of America describes the uneven and unpredictable nature of autism by stating “although autism is defined by a certain set of behaviors, children and adults with autism can exhibit any combination of these behaviors in any degree of severity. Two children, both with the same diagnosis, can act completely different from one another and have varying capabilities” (Characteristics of Autism, 2008).
Teachers, parents, therapists, and others interested in the well-being of a person with autism might want to look at a wide variety of options for addressing the unique needs of that individual. We should take into consideration the unique combination of characteristics of each person when developing personalized strategies and interventions, thereby maximizing each person’s potential and impacting their quality of life. Sometimes that involves combining features of various approaches to autism rather than following just one specific program.
Autism Fact Sheet. Washington, DC: National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke. Retrieved October 15, 2010, from http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm#155613082
American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed.-text rev.). Washington, DC: Author.
Characteristics of autism. Autism Society of America. Retreived October 15, 2010, from http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_whatis_char
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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I could actually write a whole book about this topic, but we try to make our FAQautism podcasts and e-mail posts short and sweet, so let us look at three key issues.
(1) ROUTINE. These days everyone in the family sort of grabs some food before basketball or in the middle of homework or when their favorite television show is over. This improvisational style may seem the best route until you find yourself dealing with behavior issues daily around meal time. Most individuals with autism thrive on routine, so consider picking a certain time for dinner each night and for breakfast each morning. This regular suppertime routine and breakfast will probably help everyone in the long run, but it will make a world of difference for your friend with autism.
(2) NO INTERRUPTIONS. Again, the new lifestyle involves constant pings, rings, bells, vibrating phones, and at least one television blaring. For just 15-minutes, turn it all off. You will be amazed how much that one act of courtesy will calm your friend with autism. And you will be amazed at the fun conversations that will erupt around the table.
(3) PITCH IN. One of the best gifts you can give your child, teen, or adult family member with autism is that of increased self-reliance. So everyone pitch in at the end of the meal to help with clean-up. Give your friend a different job each day, so he can enjoy the routine of clearing table on Mondays, emptying dishwasher on Tuesdays, taking out trash on Wednesdays, and so on.
TIP FOR THE DAY: All of these strategies may seem like a burden to the rest of the family, but just introduce the new routines quietly and cheerfully, accepting no grumbling, arguments, or drama. Most families and group homes that follow these three tips have commented on the increased calmness, decreased tantrums, and general contentment for their friend with autism. So, give it a try.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Because of individual differences, it is impossible to develop one fool-proof strategy for increasing tolerance for change and for decreasing agitation or explosive outbursts in the face of change. But it is helpful to look at strategies that have worked for others people with autism. One such option to consider is that of making change common.
I noticed years ago that youngsters with autism in larger families seemed to be more flexible and more tolerant of change. Keep in mind that this observation was not based on scientific data, and that I certainly knew some children with large families who were, indeed, extraordinarily obsessed with routine and quite intolerant of even minor changes in the details of their daily lives. But, in general terms, growing up in a busy household seemed to make some individuals with autism more able to cope with unexpected events and sudden changes in schedule.
Over the years, some families and teachers have successfully instituted the “big family” strategy of intentionally making change a part of the daily routine for children, teens, and adults with autism. Every day, teachers and parents purposefully insert one or more unexpected change in schedule or a change in one or more aspects of daily life, e.g. a new snack or menu item at a meal, a new pair of socks or t-shirt, a new music CD while riding in the car, or a different type of shampoo.
TIP FOR THE DAY: We certainly want to respect the fact that autism causes intolerance for change for many individuals with autism, but we can sometimes help them gradually learn to cope if we make change part of their daily routine.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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+ Matter-of-fact reports. Anticipation of upcoming events can actually add stress and increase agitation for some individuals. If our friends tend to take life as it comes along, we might want to adopt a matter-of-fact reporting style, just announcing the schedule for the day without adding extra detail.
+ Minimize fanfare. Although some individuals with autism need the extra preparation, others deal with upcoming events and changes better if we minimize the fanfare. For example, in the case of moving to a new house or school, we can simply announce the new event by saying something like this, “In May we are moving to this white house with a grey roof.” Then, the next week, we might say, “Your bed and books and toys will move to a new room in May.”
The straight forward, no-frills style of announcing new events or happenings can be much more acceptable than a long, detailed explanation like, “Honey, Dad needs to move closer to Granny so he can take care of her, and mom has a new job in Adamsville. So, Son, I am sorry that we will have to move away from our home. I know you love our home. And I know it will be hard for you to move away from a place you love and into a new house. But, don’t worry, Son. We’ll let you help us pick out a new home in Adamsville, one that has a big bedroom just like your bedroom. And we will find one that has a big backyard with trees just like our house here. I promise you will learn to love your new house. The important things is that we will all be together, Son, so, don’t you worry, we will help you make this change and will help you feel comfortable in your new home.”
TIP FOR THE DAY: Some people, whether they are diagnosed with autism or not, would not have dreamed of worrying about the move if it weren’t brought up. The long explanations and effusive apologies can be a red flag that increases anxiety and builds stress. So, in some cases, it is better to simply announce the facts and move forward.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Picture ID cards are essential. In addition to a photo of the individual and their name, you might consider including some of the following information.
1. CONTACT. Include the name of contact person, relationship, phone numberd. and e.mail address. You might even have a small photo of that contact person. Even if your youngster knows his contact information, you might consider including names and phone numbers since anyone can get flustered in an emergency and forget important facts.
2. AUTISM: You might want to include a brief explanation of your youngster’s situation on the back of the card. For example, the statement could say something like this: “Because Diane is autistic, she is not able to answer questions and she gets very agitated in unfamiliar situations. If she screams and hits, just calmly and quietly tell her that you know she is upset and call us so she can hear a familiar voice.”
Although photo ID cards are important, they are not always accessible if the person is not close to their backpack or wallet. So we need to find a way to keep identifying information on the person. Some folks with autism can tolerate an ID bracelet or “dog-tag” type necklace, especially if they start wearing it at an early age.
I don’t know about methods for applying permanent identifying information such as microchips or tattoos, but I do know that some individuals with autism are escape artists and others have sensory issues that prevent their wearing jewelry ID. If a person tends to run or to hide away from other people – especially when faced with an emergency situation or unexpected separation from their friends or family – caregivers may want to explore some sort of permanent ID.
I hope folks will share their ideas for ID’s. Just click on the comments button or send us a message to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
Published on: Apr 7, 2008
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Although not everyone agrees with me, I feel as if obsessive interest in an object like a blanket, a pair of shoes, a family photo, a book, or a favorite t-shirt is an inherent part of autism. Unless some serious health issues are concerned, it seems to me that we can allow our friends to hang on to things that bring them comfort and connections with pleasant memories in the past. Here are a few ideas that have worked for families over the years to help preserve those items that wear away.
TAKE PICTURES. Before the final pillow, teddy bear, or pair of shoes is wearing down to nothing, take pictures of your friend holding or wearing the favorite object. Sometimes the photos help smooth the transition to “life without my favorite pillow.” Also take photos of favorite pets, favorite cars, or favorite teachers to help smooth the transition to new pets, cars, or teachers.
SAVE THE SHREDS. When the t-shirt, blanket, or pillowslip is thread-bare and falling apart, rescue the shreds by sewing them in quilt fashion on a throw pillow. Teens, college kids, and even adults have favorite throw pillows, so it is certainly age-appropriate to integrate his favorite baby blankie into a pillow to keep on his bed or in a favorite recliner.
These are just a few ideas that help preserve favorite items and allow them to stay connected to old favorites via the remnants. This may appear a bit fanatical to some people, but it makes perfect sense to a person with autism who deals with exceptional obsessions every day.
TIP OF THE DAY: Our friends with autism probably appreciate our recognizing their extraordinary obsessions and our efforts to help preserve their favorites.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Volunteer work has a number of advantages, not the least of which is life satisfaction. Volunteering also gives some structure to daily schedules, purpose to life, and opportunities to meet and interact with new people. Working as a volunteer gives a person opportunities to make connections with their extended community and to build on their repertoire of job-related skills. Over time, a person may be able to move from being a volunteer into a paying job as they develop new skills and make connections with potential employers through their volunteer efforts.
Sometimes we need to think creatively to find an appropriate volunteer “job,” but the benefits are worth the effort. A volunteer can lend a helping hand for as little as twenty minutes a week or as much as five hours s a day. Some of my friends help fold bulletins at church, file medical records at the clinic, run the vacuum cleaner at the day care, help deliver Meals on Wheels, or helping an elderly neighbor put clothes in and out of a washer and dryer. Volunteer opportunities can range from helping feed animals at a shelter to playing piano during lunchtime at a nursing home. Attention to detail helps some of our friends with autism excel at tasks such as inputting data, sorting papers or mail, putting library books on shelves, or filing records. Even individuals with very limited skills can help water plants, push a grocery basket, or put newspapers on the porch for their neighbors.
TIP FOR THE DAY. Keep a sharp eye for volunteer opportunities that match the skills and interests of your friends with autism. All of our lives are enriched when people are given a chance to lend a helping hand.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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PICTURE FOR THE DAY. Although he had very good reading and writing skills for his grade level, one of my students just sat staring into space during class writing assignments. He virtually ignored the written sentence on the board, designed to prompt students to write a sentence, paragraph, or story. But when the teacher cut a picture of a hawk out of a magazine, glued it to an index card, and put it on the student’s desk, the words started flowing. Thinking he was just focusing because the prompt was close, the teacher put a picture on the board rather than on the student’s desk the next day. Once again, the student looked at the picture and wrote an entire paragraph. The young man seemed intrigued with the “picture for the day” and began making great progress in his writing skills.
INTERNET INTERACTION. In another classroom, teachers were looking for ways to help motivate a teen with autism practice his written communication skills. A group brainstorm resulted in the idea of having the youngster send an e-mail message summarizing events of each day to his grandparents, his speech therapist, and his favorite teacher from elementary school. Not only did his writing and typing skills improve, but also he was thrilled to receive return messages from other people occasionally.
REAL-LIFE. Another teacher discovered the wisdom of encouraging her students to write about real-life happenings. Many of her students with autism did not connect with writing prompts about their feelings or opinions. When she asked, “What is your favorite season?” the papers remained blank. When she asked, “What did you eat for supper last night?” the students were inspired to write sentences.
TIP FOR THE DAY. Sometimes we blame students for not trying hard, when, actually we need to make some changes.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Off-limit snacks. Some individuals with autism have dietary restrictions that make some foods off-limits.The only way to effectively stop our friends from eating off-limits foods it to simply remove them from the house. Without any comments, announcements, or fanfare, simply quit purchasing those foods. So, for example, if a teen has dietary restrictions related to sugar, then cookies, ice cream, chips, sugared pop, candy, and other sugar snacks must not be in the house.
Limited portions. The other critical step in decreasing the volume of snack consumption is to decrease the size of portions. Rather than having a big box of snack crackers, nuts, or seasoned pretzels on the shelf, break the package into small portions. The smaller snack-sized zip-lock bags work well for this.
Nagging. Whether your youngster has autism or not, nagging is not an effective behavior management tool. We tend to say things like, “You don’t get any more Oreos because they aren’t on your diet,” or “No more snacks for you, young man. They are bad for your health and ruining your dinner,” or “Starting tomorrow, you are going on a diet. No more ice cream or cookies for you.”
Choices. Instead, have a box with a variety of allowable in snack-sized ziplocks. Let the youngster pick his choice periodically, and avoid limiting snacks too harshly.
Stealing. There is only one fool-proof way to stop stealing – any foods that are off-limits must be totally unavailable. If a youngster cannot eat sugared foods, for example, it is not appropriate to have a half-gallon of ice cream or a package of Oreo cookies reserved in the kitchen for other family members.
TIP FOR THE DAY: The only effective way to decrease stealing and unhealthy eating is to completely remove the temptation by making off-limits snacks inaccessible. And remember to have a choice of healthy snacks readily available for your friend to enjoy.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Despite many years of intensive speech therapy, this young adult is unable to use sign language, picture symbols, or assistive communication devices very effectively because of significant cognitive and motor limitations. She tends to throw any objects rather than using them to communicate.
When she moved to her new home, everyone wanted to encourage her to interact, but her loud and repetitive noises when attempting to communicate with others made it necessary to teach her to verbalize in more appropriate ways so she would not irritate people around her.
Step 1. She was taught to get the attention of a person by touching their shoulder or hand and to make a soft sound, “Hey,” then wait for them to respond. People were encouraged to respond to her rather quickly rather than allowing her attempts to get their attention to escalate. If they were not able to give her attention at that point, they said, “I will talk to you in a minute,” or “Wait, please. I cannot talk now.”
Step 2. Once she had their attention, she could point or show the person what she wanted to talk about. For example, if she wanted a drink, she could point to the refrigerator. Or, if she was wondering about weekend plans, she could bring the staff her picture schedule. Again, the staff were trained to listen attentively and to respond to her rather than ignoring her until she irritated them.
Step 3. She was taught to use one soft, single-syllable sound when she wanted to say something rather than repeating phrases loudly over and over again.
Step 4. The staff and her peers in her new living situation were encouraged to acknowledge her verbalizations as if she had spoken words or phrases they understood – similar to talking to a person who has had a stroke. They could reflect her communication attempts by saying something like, “You really like that apple pie, don’t you?” or “You want to wear your purple sweatshirt.”
Step 5. Because this young lady is a sociable person who obviously loves to “talk,” people in her community were encouraged to take a bit of time with her every day to talk to her while riding in the car, sitting on a swing, looking at the newspaper together, or eating meals. She seems to really cherish those interactions, and, maybe as a result of those personal connections, became a bit less demanding and more content. Her loud, repetitive, and rather irritating verbalizations are decreasing, probably because she is now able to get the attention of folks and to communicate with them more appropriately. And, because people around her purposefully take time to interact with her, everyone is more content.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Some of my friends with autism and their families have dealt with difficult people or inflexible policies over the years. For example, some parents have told me of a spouse, member of their extended family, neighbor, therapist, teacher, classroom aid, administrator, group home staff, job coach, or medical professional who has been judgmental or uncaring about their child. Some people in their lives have refused to accept their child, have been overly critical of the child or the parent, or have had unrealistic expectations.
Some families have encountered roadblocks from agencies and decision makers about issues such as funding services, providing critical services, considering appropriate placement, or other issues that impact the life of their loved one with autism.
Sometimes the attitudes or reactions of complete strangers can be the source of our anger when it comes to autism. For example, a grocery store clerk or a parent at a baseball game may glare at us or at our youngster in the midst of a meltdown. When we least expect it, we may overhear someone making a critical remark about our parenting skills or about our youngster with autism. I’ve heard young children blurt out a hurtful remark like, “What is wrong with that boy?” And I’ve heard adults say things like, “Why don’t his parents do something to stop that?”
How should we respond when this happens? How can we be expected to overlook such stinging, hurtful remarks? Over the past 40 years, my friends who have chosen to do just that, to ignore criticism and biting comments, have fared far better than those who hold grudges. You can waste a lot of energy holding a grudge against a person or an agency or society in general for injustices to your child with autism. Sometimes it is best to forgive and forget and move on. This includes forgiving a person who does not necessarily deserve forgiveness.
TIP FOR THE DAY: All of us, whether diagnosed with autism or not, can benefit from growing thick skin and forgiving people for their rudeness – whether they intended to hurt feelings or not. Just focus on the positive and purposefully choose to overlook the negative happenings in our lives.
We can also benefit from focusing on sharpening our own skills so we can more systematically address challenging issues that can arise in the lives of our friends with autism. Click on the Toolkit tab on our website for great resources; http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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BUILD ON STRENGTHS. Some of my friends with autism really thrive on daily routines and rituals. Unlike most of us, they actually enjoy mundane, routine tasks. One of my friends rather obsessively picks up lint or other small objects off the floor. Others file away books or put music instruments in their rightful places when waiting for their music therapy session. One young lady is thrilled when I give her permission to put away the clean dishes in my kitchen, and another loves swiffing my wood floors. I’ve encouraged their families, teachers, and job coaches to find daily chores that allow these individuals to lend a helping hand.
START EARLY. Nearly every person I know with autism clings to interests and habits from their early childhood. It is important that we teach all children to help themselves as much as possible and to pitch in around the house, but autism adds urgency. Even toddlers can pitch in with daily chores around the house to some extent. Approach chores with a positive attitude, and include kids in the process.
ENCOURAGE SELF-SUFFICIENCY. Busy schedules and looming deadlines can keep us from taking the time necessary to teach our youngster with autism to be self-sufficient. It is certainly quicker and easier to simply pick out clothes, tie shoes, gather up schoolbooks, or set the table for supper. If your life is like a pressure-cooker, relax and take just five minutes a day to focus on teaching your child just one task a week or so. Be patient, allow them time, and do not expect perfection. It is the effort that counts.
TIP FOR THE DAY. Granted, it is certainly easier for us to do things ourselves. But we can make a real difference in the long run if we make a pledge to take time each day to allow our child to participate in daily chores.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
Nov 18, 2009
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Take a few minutes to do a few routine tasks so you don’t have to deal with them in the chaos of the morning rush. Back when I was a young, harried mother, I found myself stomping around bellowing orders and empty threats as I tried to get the kids in bed. I kept thinking of all the things that needed my attention. As my stress level rose, I made everyone around me miserable. So, I’m suggesting an alternate plan. Make an effort to remain calm in spite of the loud sound of looming deadlines. You can’t control every aspect of family life, and you can’t make everything perfect, so just relax. Establish the Evening Round-Up as a regular routine to get ahead of the flood, thinking of it as an “investment in contentment” rather than a “time thief.”
Here’s a sample Evening Round-Up checklist to get you started. Without nagging, spend some time calmly help your youngsters get their checklists completed.
1. CLOTHES. Does each person have a set of clean clothes? Do they need gym clothes or after school clothes or basketball league clothes? What about shoes, socks, underwear, coats, hats, etc.?
2. BODY. Clean head to toe in the evenings to prevent a morning rush. That means shower or bathe, wash hair, brush teeth, and even shave if needed.
3. BACK PACK. Put all work supplies and/or books, permission slips, lunch money, and other necessary items in back pack before going to bed.
4. CONNECTION. Take a few minutes for quiet interaction with your youngster with autism. This is important even if your youngster is non-verbal or does not seem to participate in the conversation. Read a story or talk about their day to help them make an emotional connection with you and wind down. Take time to review the schedule for the upcoming day, to discuss concerns, and to review rules and/or expectations – whether they seem to understand or not. And don’t forget to remind your youngsters of your love and support.
TIP FOR THE DAY: Remember, perfection is not the goal here. You just want to make an investment of 30 minutes every night to increase contentment. Believe me, your efforts will pay off big time for all involved.
And take a bit of time to learn new ways to systematically address challenging issues that can arise in the lives of our friends with autism. Click on the Toolkit tab on our webiste for great resources; http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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First, let’s take a look at the issue of respecting privacy. I often hear family members, teachers, and other caregivers say to an individual with autism, “Let’s go change your diaper” or “Go pee-pee before you have an accident.” I hear comments like that spoken loudly in public forums such as classrooms, family gatherings, and dinner tables. Even if our friend with autism does not appear to be embarrassed or even if he is just four years old, it would certainly be more respectful to say quietly, “Please come with me,” or “Let’s go wash our hands.”
Another issue that arises is confusion over the different terms used for the restroom. Among other things, toilets are called a bathroom, a restroom, the ladies room, the men’s room, or the john. The very nature of communication deficits related to autism stands in the way of making quick shifts between terms. One of my young adult friends with autism was asked by a friend if he needed to go to the bathroom. Taking that term very literally, the young man replied, “No, I took a bath last night.”
And, speaking of terms, parents might want to consider avoiding childish terms to describe “going to the restroom.” If a youngster with autism learns to say “pee-pee” or “Let’s go potty” when he is three years old, he is likely to use that same term when he is fifty-three.
The same can be true when we use anatomically correct words to label parts of the body. Sometimes folks with autism are unable to distinguish between words that are “o.k.” at home talking to parents and words that are more appropriate in social situations. A good rule of thumb is to use words at home that can also be said loudly in earshot of strangers in a restaurant or grocery store.
So, these are just some ideas to consider when dealing with private issues. It is up to us to set the tone for privacy and respect.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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(1) Self-Care. Options for employment expand if an individual is able to take care of her basic needs independently or with minimal assistance. Teaching basic self-care skills such as toileting, lunch and snacks, washing hands, and taking care of personal items such as a backpack or nametag as independently as possible is a good place to start.
(2) Focus. Most jobs require that an employee focus on the task at hand. It is also important that a person focuses on the directions given by a boss or supervisor and to focus on any important announcements or on safety drills. But, most importantly, a person who can focus on a task for an extended period of time without reminders will have more job opportunities.
(3) Follow. Compliance is another critical skill in employment situations. An individual with autism will be much more productive in any job if she can and will follow directions with minimal assistance. If she has deficits in processing verbal instructions, she can be taught to use a visual schedule so employers and job coaches can successfully communicate the information she needs to complete a task or a job sequence. If she is rather strong-willed or uncooperative, we can gradually shape a more cooperative outlook and a willingness to follow directions and job procedures.
(4) Finish. Even when jobs are broken down into a series of smaller tasks, some individuals with autism are unable to complete those tasks without prompting. A person’s employment will be much more successful if he can learn to finish tasks or job sequences with less and less prompting from a supervisor or job coach. It is up to us to help our friends with autism become less prompt-dependent.
(5) Flexible. The nature of autism causes some individuals to be intolerant to changes in routine. Our friends will have a much more successful job experience by learning to be more flexible and to “go with the flow.”
TIP FOR THE DAY: These are just a few of the core skills necessary for employment. It is good to start early in teaching and shaping these skills since some are rather stubborn natural characteristics of autism.
We can also benefit from shaping our own skills so we can systematically address challenging issues that can arise in the lives of our friends with autism. Click on the Toolkit tab on our webiste for great resources; http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Observing this rough school adjustment period for students with autism year after year since 1974 has taught me several valuable lessons, one of which is to avoid trying to make everything perfect for these youngsters.
Our instincts compel us to make plans for weeks in advance to smooth out every possible challenge a young student with autism might possibly encounter. Granted, we want to help youngsters adapt to new settings gradually, but, in the long run, we don’t do them any favor by removing all challenges.
Here are a few strategies that have worked for some of my friends with autism during the first few months of school as they struggle with transition to a new classroom situation. Keep in mind that every single person has different challenges and different preferences, so adapt to fit the needs of any specific student.
+ Celebrate the new. If our youngsters with autism are particularly upset about leaving their previous school and teachers behind, we certainly want to acknowledge that and give them time and space to grieve and even be angry. At the same time, we can set the tone for the new classroom by speaking positively about the upcoming year. Again, without too much fanfare, we can chat about events in the upcoming week and make positive comments about the new school and teachers and students.
+ Allow for adjustment. When behavior issues escalate at the beginning of a school year, we are likely to trace the cause to our friend’s intolerance for change since transition is challenging for many individuals with autism. Given those circumstances, teachers and parents might want to allow for an adjustment period and balance expectations for appropriate behavior with the need for patience on our part during the first several days or weeks or months of school.
TIP FOR THE DAY: We can inadvertently contribute to the transition problems by our words and actions. In most cases, the challenging behavior attached to transition decreases as the youngster with autism adjusts to the new place, new people, and new daily routine. It can actually be counterproductive in the long-run to try to remove all the challenges or to make the road so smooth that our friends with autism do not ever experience the frustrations of transition to a new school. Sometimes our best strategy is to relax and help them slowly adjust to he new setting.
I encourage you to take time to explore new approaches for addressing challenging issues that can arise in the lives of our friends with autism. Click on the Toolkit tab on our website for practical, to-the-point resources with workbooks and audio discussion. Our website is http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Most fifth grade students like recess because it is unstructured free time. But my friend with autism tells me that she feels lost and at loose ends. “I like a schedule,” she said. “All the other kids like to sit around and talk or play some soccer or something random, but I like to have a plan.” Free time is refreshing for many people, but stress increases for this youngster with autism since she feels at loose ends.
Many fifth grade girls are sensitive to other girls in the group – their opinions, their conversations, and their selection of friends. My friend is rather oblivious to all the social issues that are so important to other youngsters her age. Her preference to sit alone under a tree or walk around the playground alone is often interrupted by well-meaning teachers and other adults who spend a great deal of time encouraging her to interact with her classmates during recess. Although the adults are concerned about her being alone, they may not realize that is actually her preference.
This conversation with my fifth grade friend with autism sheds light on some of her opinions about free time events like recess. Future podcasts will provide some strategies for helping youngsters learn to tolerate recess and other free time activities, but the purpose of this podcast is to raise awareness of the unique perspectives often encountered by individuals with autism – perspectives that can be contrary to what we consider common sense.
It is easy to draw false conclusions when we see a child sitting alone or refusing to participate in less-structured activities during recess with their peers. We might assume they are pouting or feeling left out or being uncooperative and anti-social. But in reality, they may literally prefer to spend time alone.
TIP FOR THE DAY: Individuals with autism often have different opinions, choices, and preferences from their peers. Rather than imposing our preferences or assuming the worst, we might want to take time to know the person so we can avoid jumping to conclusions.
It is also wise to take time to explore new approaches for addressing challenging issues that can arise in the lives of our friends with autism. Click on the Toolkit tab on our website for great resources; http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Some individuals with autism like to wear only a certain style or color of clothing, or like our high-school super fan, clothing with one theme. With just a few exceptions, this type of preference does not pose any particular challenges as long as family members, teachers, bosses, and other folks don’t make it an issue.
The problem arises when a person literally wants to wear the same clothes every single day, or if they won’t give up clothes or shoes after years of wear. Even if a person wears the same size for years on end, clothes and shoes eventually wear out. So, what are some options that caregivers can implement if they face this dilemma?
1. Buy two of everything. If a person will only wear a certain navy sweatshirt or a certain pair of sneakers, then purchase two or three sets and rotate them every two or three days.
2. Forget style. Don’t worry about what other people think.
3. Avoid extreme styles. When children are young, try to avoid extreme styles so you don’t run the risk of your youngster latching onto that style for several decades. You probably don’t want your daughter still wearing frilly pink pinafores when she is twenty-three.
4. Tolerate the transition. When clothes and shoes literally fall apart, we have no choice but to replace them. We just need to be prepared to tolerate the meltdowns that sometimes occur when old favorites must be replaced.
5. Ease into change. We can sometimes ease the transition by introducing a new pair of shoes several months before replacement is critical. The shoes may be more familiar and acceptable if they’ve been visible in the closet for several months and if they have lost the “new shoe” smell. New clothing is usually more easily acceptable if it has been washed several times and has been in sight for several months. One adult friend with autism said that he still has an extreme aversion to shopping for new clothes, so it helps him if a family member shops for clothes and runs them through the washer several times before putting them in his closet.
6. Keep souvenirs. If the person simply will not part with old favorites, put outgrown shoes or tattered pants in a zip lock bag as a souvenir. You can make a throw pillow out of patches of favorite shirts. Take a snapshot of your youngster wearing their old favorites.
We welcome your stories about favorite clothing and ideas for dealing with this potentially challenging issue. Just click on the comment button or send us an e-mail – talk@FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
Published on: Mar 7, 2008
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