Just A Mechanic!!!!

823!

2011-09-17T07:40:00.001-05:00

If it is your day to die you can't do anything right.
If it is not you can't do anything wrong.
The excitment in life is not knowing which is which!!

Logbooks!

2011-09-15T10:15:00.001-05:00

A few months ago I was desperately trying to write down every word that popped into my brain and it was like trying to hold onto ten handfuls of snakes with two hands. They were all twisted and mingled together and slithering away. I couldn’t keep a handle on but a few. I wanted so much to organize and catalog every thought I had and write it down in its proper place. As you know, once a thought slips through your fingers it’s almost impossible to get it back. The harder you try to hold onto one ten more slip out the other side.

Today I wanted to write something exciting and thought provoking and I looked for something to write about and my hands were empty. No snakes, no thoughts. Where did they all go? It was like looking at the bottom of the water bucket in the middle of the desert. My mouth suddenly went dry and my brain struggled to come up with something, anything to write about. All I could think of was my pile of work I have to type up. Airframe total times, discrepancies, logbook entries, the dry boring stuff to a mechanic. We were meant to be out in the trenches with the grit, the grime, the blood, the sweat, and of course the tears. We are the guys that keep ‘em flying. The guys you turn around and look for when the damn thing won’t start or the air conditioner isn’t cooling or my favorite, “My feet are getting cold.”

So I thought about it for a minute and thought how can I make the mundane even a little interesting? I remember I once told you about my writing logbook entries. A logbook entry is one of those things that goes against everything our English teachers taught us. Instead of lots of adjectives and adverbs and exciting words they are filled with facts and numbers. The perfect entry says everything you have done with all the facts you can install taking up as little space as you can. The minimum has to have the total time of the aircraft, the date the work was done, brief description of the work accomplished and signature and AP number. Here is a logbook entry as an example:

Acadiana Fixed Wing/Rotor Wing, Inc.

15 Feb. 2011 N7804B TT 5814.3 hobbs 1364.3 S/N 51819

Insp. Aircraft in accordance with manufacturer’s insp. Guide. C/W AD 50-38-01 corr. Inspection no defects noted, drained eng. oil, serviced engine with Aeroshell W120, replaced engine air filter P/N BA-8305, cleaned & inspected spark plugs, checked timing. Cleaned fuel filter screen, installed new cowling bracket p/n 36-31094, ground run leak/function checked good. All work accomplished in accordance with manufacturer’s maintenance manuals. I certify this aircraft has been inspected in accordance with an annual inspection & found to be airworthy.

Imagine my signature at the bottom. I just copy and pasted the first I could find. I write these daily into logbooks of every aircraft I work on. Sounds simple and it is.

Every aircraft has a logbook. From the time it was manufactured to the time of its destruction every aircraft is required by law to have a logbook. I think that is one reason why I feel the need to have a journal or blog or something recording everything. The logbooks stay with the aircraft its whole life. If you can call it that. The reason it is required by law is the lawyers and insurance companies have a record of who is to blame. So they can go to the widow and say “it was the mechanic.” Usually it is the pilot but let’s not get into pointing fingers. Ha! Seriously it is usually ruled as pilot error. So logbooks are a paper trail. If a part is manufactured a piece of paper is printed out as to its being made. That piece of paper travels with the part until it is put on an airplane. The mechanic then records that down in the logbook, part number serial number, yada, yada, yada, if the part is removed the mechanic the records that into the logbook. If the airplane crashes because of that part it can be traced to the point of origin. Follow the paper trail. The smoking gun. That is the whole reason behind the logbooks. You can imagine how a trial would go.

So, enough of the boring stuff. I get to look at a lot of logbooks. I work on a lot of old airplanes. In fact the newest in my hanger is let me see…..built in 1982. The oldest, 1946. I have the original logbooks for all those airplanes. If you go to the logbooks and see the hand written entries for those airplanes it is a taste of history. If the guys that wrote those knew their handwriting would be around as long as it has been they would have taken more time to do it. I’ve seen some awful entries. Misspelled words, writing you could barely read. You name it I’ve seen it. I type mine on the computer. It looks more professional. You can tell a lot about a mechanic from his logbook entry. For one, intelligence and another if he was thorough and precise with his entry you get the feeling he was the same with his work. If he was sloppy well you get the picture.

I would like to trace one back to the original writer and take it to them. I think that would be cool. Do you have anything that you wrote 40 years ago? Ok 30 years ago? I don’t. But I could go to a logbook of any airplane I’ve worked on in the last 20 years and there will be my handwriting. I’ve worked on at least about 200 different airplanes and helicopters in that time. I’ve never been published but my work will live on for years. Cool huh? The down side is that if I have done something wrong on any of those aircraft and they crash the proof is in the logbooks. So I do my very best to do all the work the best I can. I don’t ever want to be a part of any investigation. Unless Rizzoli or Ziva want to interrogate me!! J

I have worked on a few helicopters that crashed. One in particular N141SM, I worked on a helicopter in Lafayette that was going to St. Mary’s Hospital in Colorado, it was a beautiful helicopter with the paint scheme it had. I took some cool pictures of it. I knew where it was going so I put a little extra into my work. A few months later the pilot whom I knew was doing an autorotation and crashed killing himself. It was ruled pilot error but very very sad. I have a picture of the crash site. Not a pretty picture. I keep it to remind me of what can happen if I don’t take my work seriously every job I do. What is cool is the next year I was in Colorado fire fighting and went to the hospital there. I spent 3 days in Grand Junction with a girl working for the forest service. That is an interesting story in itself. Much more so than logbooks.

Another helicopter I worked on and it became a favorite of mine was N1079U. I refurbed it twice and the last time it went to Antarctica. Again I worked extra hard because of the mission it was going on and I liked it. You could almost say I was getting attached to it. Anyway, I put a lot of heart into it. The first month it was working it crashed. The pilot and another passenger were seriously injured and yes I have pictures of that as well. It was destroyed. Again, ruled pilot error. So, I have been spared the investigation.

So, my logbooks aren’t going to write themselves. Too bad! I wanted to show you the most boring part of my job. I hope it wasn’t too bad.

2011-09-15T07:06:00.000-05:00

2011-09-12T08:07:00.003-05:00

823!!!!

2011-09-11T10:27:00.000-05:00

A day out-of-doors, someone I loved to talk with, a good book and some simple food and music -- that would be rest.
823!!!

Football!

2011-09-09T18:43:00.000-05:00

A chill is in the air....ok not much of a chill but it's not as hot. The boys of fall are ready to get started. High schools everywhere have begun to play. I've always loved football. It's no secret I've loved it since I was a little boy. Standing outside the fence watching the varsity team practice right behind my back yard. The blood and sweat. I can still smell the smells hear the sounds. I love the sound of pads on pads. That first walk into the field house whoa!! The smell of sweat attacks your nose but each time you go back in after a practice or game the smell gets in your brain and finds a place to call home.
I think I would swell with pride each time I pulled on the uniform and pads. I became another person. Not the quiet shy guy I always was but a different confident person. I soon realized I could tackle most guys and run stride for stride with all of them. I could hit the biggest guy on the field and ring his bell and that I could take a hit. Boy did I take some hits.
I loved the build up to the game. Days of practicing leading up to Friday. Friday's everyone seemed to have a little more spring in there step. Bigger smiles on there faces. We got to wear our jerseys over our shirts. I always felt more confident with that holy piece of fabric on. I don't know why but I always walked a little taller. The pep rally was always fun. The cheerleaders doing their best to get every ones spirit up.
After that came quiet. Everyone left for home. We would have a few hours before we had to report to the field house. Unless it was out of town and then we were on the bus driving to the town of the game. As the time got closer the butterflies began fluttering. You could feel the excitement building. The sun slowly going down the temperature going with it. The lights coming on. Warming up before the game you could see the fans finding their seats and smell the concession stand heating up with the nachos and hot dogs.
The cheerleaders setting up their megaphones and pom poms. I would always sneak a few peeks their way!
Once the game started though I noticed nothing! I never heard a single person in the stands. I did hear the noise but never a single voice or word. The only thing on my mind was the next play. I always played 100%. Coach Taylor once told us give us everything you have so that you can't walk off the field at the end of the game. He said he would personally carry us to the field house. That's how I played. I gave the game everything I had. Brains what little brawn I had and heart. I was on the field most of the games. I rarely came out. When I did I was itching to get back in. I hated sitting out one single play. I wanted to be in there getting in every tackle I could or running the ball every play. My goal? Touchdown. I worked my little ass of for a touchdown. I remember running play after play getting close to the goal line and then the coach giving the ball to Keith Watson. It really hurt my feelings. I wanted the touchdown and it shouldn't have mattered if it was me or someone else but I wanted it. You know what I did? I ran the ball harder. I always thought well if they are going to give him the ball on the 5 so I have to score from the 20.
My favorite runs were running back kickoffs. I ran so many back to within scoring distance but never scored one. I remember running one from the our 1 yard line to their 1 yard line. Then the coach gave the ball to someone else.
It's funny you can see when a team gives up if you watch close enough. I've seen it from inside the huddle and from the sidelines. I remember watching the coach give up. I would try to pick them up but that was it. We would lose after that for sure.
I have to admit the one award I am most proud of and wanted more than anything was football hero. I know it sounds silly but that was my goal. My junior year when I went out with Dusty and David I never thought I would get it. My senior year I was sure I wouldn't I think Doug Taylor was one of the guys that went out with me. I was sure he would get it. He was so much more gracious when I won than I think I would have been if he won! We'll never know. I found a picture of my mom and I at homecoming at half time. It's nice. I hate that I didn't have a girlfriend then.
I hated the end of the games because it meant I had to take off my suit of armor and become myself again. Coming out of the field house after the game was a disappointment. Don't get me wrong all the parents and fans were always there to tell us how great we did and I loved that but when I walked through the crowd it was a long walk home by myself. Still pumped up from the games I would go out with friends to dances or just riding around town. A hero for the night.
Usually the pain would start sinking in and the adrenaline would start wearing off and I was left with a body I needed to tend to. I did have a few dances with a great girl. Too bad I didn't dance much then. I think I was a big disappointment for her. The next morning the bruises started showing and the mind was clouded. I still miss that part because I then had the battle scars I fought for and was proud of myself for giving everything I had.
So as the days start cooling off my mind drifts back and forth to the days of fall when I got to play football. I will never forget or regret playing. I hope my kids get a taste of what I got to experience.....

I can.......

2011-09-07T07:48:00.000-05:00

I can still hear her voice in my head. Even though it's been months since we've talked.
I can still feel her hands on my shoulder and her body next to mine. Even though it's been years since we've danced.
I can still see her face. Even though I've slept hundreds of times since.
I can still taste her lips. Even though we've never kissed.
I can still smell the fear. Even though I don't know if I'll ever see her again.
823

Another quote...

2011-09-06T12:30:00.000-05:00

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed.
Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them!!!
Another quote I liked!

First Kiss!

2011-08-31T08:03:00.000-05:00

Have you seen the movie "50 first dates?" Funny movie. I love that it is different than most movies. As I was "lying" in bed last night the words first kiss hit me. Do you ever get a word or words in your mind that just don't go away? Words like effervescent or affluent. Fun words to say. Sometimes I do that and can't get it out of my mind until I use it in an email or text. Like a song you can't stop singing. I use the music part of my alarm instead of the blaring eh! eh! eh! of the alarm. (It's hard to imitate sounds with letters sometimes but you get the idea.) I get ready for work with songs in my head in the mornings wondering where did that come from? I like that my mind does funny things like that to me.
So the movie! I like her line "there's nothing like a first kiss." It got me thinking, as most things do. I got to thinking about my first kisses. Not my first kiss, although that was enjoyable,(Sandra Britton) but the other first kisses. I always rushed through them. Like a kid ripping off the wrapping to a great gift. Rip! what's next? I never took the time to really enjoy and think about what was happening. Thinking back I vaguely remember one or two. I remember one where...well have you ever seen a cow tongue. I swore this girl put her whole tongue in my mouth. Shocking to say the least. Another girl had the smallest mouth. So I guess mechanics do play some part. The perfect mouth. Soft lips!!! oooohhhh! Gives me chills thinking about it. Don't ever kiss a person after eating broccoli and ranch dressing. I kissed a girl once and I couldn't help thinking why would she eat that right before I kissed her. Maybe she wasn't expecting it. I don't know!!!
If I ever do get another first kiss, I will take the time to savor it. I will concentrate on the feel of her hands in mine, the warmth of her body next to mine. I will take in the smell of her perfume and catalog it in my brain under Things to never forget! I will linger close enough to feel her breath mixed with mine and will time to stop as our lips touch for the first time. The feel of her lips on mine will forever be etched on my brain in permanent ink never to be erased or washed away. Her pressing hips!(mmmmm!!!) The feel of the fabric of her blouse in my hand. The only way to get closer would be to melt into each other and become one. I'll mark down the date and time in my mind as well as the place and our surroundings if I'm able to recall because I should be so intent on the task at hand. The euphoria of the mind will be overwhelming. That is probably why I don't remember the rest as well. That or they didn't mean as much to me as I thought!
There's nothing like a first kiss! I hear if it's with the right person all of them are better than the first! I'll have to take their word for it!

Brick Wall!!!

2011-08-30T14:56:00.000-05:00

At what point in a relationship do you say that's enough? I have never been able to reach that point I guess. I put up with things for years before I say something. My personality is like this! If it doesn't kill me I think well that wasn't that bad. I can survive another day. Is that what being a child of an alcoholic does to you? Desensitize you to feelings? What is the threshold of pain you have to endure before you have had enough? Survivor? What is the cost of survival? To never be happy because you have endured worse so this is not so bad! I wish I knew the answers to these questions. I was brought up to be seen not heard and to put up with hardship because that is the way of the world. Well, I look around and I see not everyone is dealing with hardship. A lot of people just keep dishing it out like there are two teams. The dishers and the dishees! We dishees were always told turn the other cheek. Be the better man. At what point do you snap and break their noses? I'm not close to snapping I just wonder that's all.
It seems like the more bull I put up with the more bull I can endure the more bull I am dished! Vicious cycle. I punched a wall once and broke my hand. I haven't done that since or before. One punch one break. I've come to look at that wall as a metaphor for some relationships. You go through each one and sometimes you reach that wall. You can't move it, you can't go around it and punching it, well, that just hurts you more than it. Some relationships reach that wall real fast some it takes a long time. The wall represents, to me, the other persons will. I can't make them do anything. I can't ignore it. I can't punch it. I just reach that huge cinder block wall and I know I've come to a point where I can only sit and wait until something happens. I can't move the wall or climb over it. It just sits there unmovable!!
I hate arriving at that point because up until then I at least feel like I have some control. Once I reach it I know I have to give up all control, perceived or not, and just let the current take me where it wants me to go. Which it's like the age old question? Are we predestined to do something or is it free will?
This is what I think! I believe God knows what is going to happen! I think he already said "It is already written." Maybe not those words but anyway. I think we make our own choices but he already knows. Is that predestined? Maybe!
I ran across a quote the other day which I liked and kind of goes with what I'm attempting to say here.
"Take chances, take a lot of them, because honestly no matter where you end up or with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn & grow with each choice you make."
or how about this one by Mark Twain
"In twenty years you will be more dissappointed by what you didn't do than by what you did."
I like that I have opened my eyes to the world and myself. I like who I am and I want to share me/myself as much as I can. I thnk I am someone worth knowing. I have much to offer in many ways. No so much in others. I think I can be interesting at times and fun. That's a real important one for me is to be fun. If I can make someone laugh or smile that makes my day. I am not going out and looking for frowns to turn upside down but I try to be kind and understanding and friendly.
Am I taking chances? Some. Am I growing? Not as much as I would like. Am I learning anything? Everyday. It's funny the more I write here the more I learn about myself. You would think I know everytihng there is to know about myself but I learn why I do things the way I do them and things like that.
I'm glad I have said everything I have said on here even if I have deleted some. I don't regret the things I say but I don't want them to be taken wrong either. I don't want to be thought of as obsessive because I'm not but some things I've said could be taken that way. Maybe I am obsessive???!!! Ha!
Well, I think that's enough seriousness for one/actually two sittings. It took me most of the day to write this. Loosen up Dean!!! 43

My Birthday!

2011-08-26T07:54:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, August 27, is my birthday. I thought I would take a few minutes and reflect on it. My mom didn't, doesn't celebrate birthdays or anniversaries or Christmas or anything that I can recall at the moment. See she's a Jehovah's Witness. Growing up my step dad said all the people that went to church were hypocrits. So we never went to church. Well, not as a family. I was always going with friends though. I went to First Baptist with Tim Baber and Clay. I went to Methodist with Tim Carter and later went to Church of Christ with Tim Brandon and Anissa. I know I went to a few more but those were the main ones. I think it's awesome that I had friends that took me in like that.
Anyway, my birthday. Yeah! It's hard to get very excited about that. When I was young I did but I think after years of no one making a deal of it it is hard too now. Don't get me wrong deap down I still get a little excited but I try not to expect anything. My wife and her family have always made a big deal out of it but just this week my son had a birthday, my nephew, my father-in-law, and my sister-in-law. My father-in-law has already sent a gift. It's waiting in a box in my hallway. He always sends tools. I love getting tools. He buys the expensive kind. Cool!
You know what I've always wanted? I've always wanted to get a book with a note written on a page inside. I love books. I love the way they feel in your hand, the smell and the sound when you turn a page. I love the weight of a good book in your hand. I have a Nook. It is great don't get me wrong. I use it every night but I still love the feel of a book. I can't explain it.
The inscription? I couldn't begin to tell you why that would mean so much. Maybe because I never got one. I loved the yearbooks we got in school. I loved the things people said and it's written with their own hand. I have a picture that I got when I got out of the Air Force and everyone signed it. I love it. I have it hanging right behind me here in my office. I think that is so much more personable. Maybe that's why I would like a hand written love letter?!!
Anyway, I'll be 43. Cool! Add a one and 143!!!!

Flying poems!

2011-08-26T07:28:00.000-05:00

These are a few flying poems I ran across that I thought were interesting!

The clouds may float across the sky,
The bee may kiss the butterfly,
The sparkling wine may kiss the glass, and you my friend . . .
Farewell.

Here's to the wine,
Here's to the glass,
Here's to the girl with the pretty . . .
Teeth.

---

Gentlemen,

All roads have wires,
All women have desires,
And all pilot's are liars

---

Here's to me in my sober mood
when I ramble, sit, and think;
Here's to me in my drunken mood . . .

when I gamble, sin, and drink.
But when my flying days are over
and from this world I pass,
I hope they bury me upside down
so the world can kiss my ass!

---

The winds have welcomed you with softness
The sun has blessed you with its warm hands
You have flown so high and so well
That God has joined you in your laughter
and set you gently back into the loving arms of mother earth.
---
In days gone by, I’ve proved my worth
By zooming low across the earth.
I’ve buzzed the valleys and the mountain ridges,
I’ve dove my craft beneath the bridges.
I’ve looped and spun and rolled my wings,
I’ve sung the songs that pilots sing.
I’ve tried most stunts, it must be said,
Yet never learnt to use my head.
So here’s a toast - To you and me!
But you drink both, I’m dead...you see.

2011-08-23T08:41:00.002-05:00

She was way over dressed for what I had planned. She had been getting on my nerves and being a bitch so I thought I would kill two birds with one stone. I was going to teach her a lesson and dump her all in the same night. I’ve never dumped anyone ever. Even now I can say that but I don’t want to spoil the story.

Like I said she had been getting on my nerves. She was treating me like a trophy. Bragging to all her friends and generally saying way more to people than I thought acceptable. She had started bossing me around like I was hers to boss around. Tonight I would show her the real me. Up til now I was doing the same old things, flowers, opening the door for her, being nice to her bitch friends, just being her slave. So I guess I was being treated like I acted. It’s all clear now to me now. I do that when I like someone I try to be the person they want and in the process lose all sight of the real me.

My plan was no plan. Just go do what I do and see how she liked it. When I picked her up in my old truck she was wearing her mother’s pearls. She was like that. She loved the material things in life. That was one thing I didn’t understand. Why be with me, a poor white boy with absolutely no prospects and no plan passed today? I could never give her things like that.

We drove away from her parents fancy house and cars to the unknown her next to me smelling of perfume. My favorite. That made me even madder. I drove south of town out in the country just driving no plan just waiting for something to come to me. It was still daylight and I had my .22 rifle with me so I thought I’d do some bird hunting. I saw some dove sitting on the power line. I stopped pulled out my rifle and pow!! One down. I got out pulled its head off and ripped its breast out like I’d seen my step father do a million times. I put it in the back of the truck no idea what I was going to do with it.

Another quarter mile down the road and more dove. Bam!! Same thing. Ripped its head off and tore its breast out. Now you can imagine the blood and guts and feathers. I didn’t have a wet wipe to wipe the mess off my hands. I can’t even remember what I did. I may have wiped it on my pants. Sounds like something I would do. After about an hour of this, she still hadn’t asked to be taken home even though I hadn’t said 10 words to her. She just sat there in the truck patiently waiting for our date to begin.

I was thinking to myself this isn’t working, she still acts like she wants to be with me. Suddenly I had an idea. We drove straight to friends house. Behind his house was a huge hill we would climb and mess around when I went to his house. It wasn’t an easy climb, especially in the clothes she was wearing. We started up the hill. She still hadn’t said a word. During the climb it started raining, her mascara began to run down her face and all the work she had done on her hair was melting away. Her clothes were soaked but yet not a word of complaint. I began thinking what is wrong with this girl? Enough already let me take you home and be done.

It was just getting dark as we got to the top. The rain let up and we sat down on a huge rock. The lights of town were spectacular. It was so clear you could see a hundred miles. Even my mouth dropped when I saw how beautiful it was. We sat there until it was totally dark and I began thinking that climb down the hill is going to be a son of a bitch. I decided we better get going I didn’t want all the good doctors to be in bed before we broke our necks. The trip down was slow. I had to help her most of the way. Still not a word from her. I was beginning to think I had succeeded in my plan. We made it safely down the hill no bumps no bruises no snake bites. I drove her straight home kissed her good night and drove away. Proud of myself but feeling confused. Why didn’t she say anything? This is the type of girl that doesn’t want to get her hands dirty and I just ran her through a gauntlet of nasty. Blood, sweat, I’m sure some tears.

As I turned the corner to my house I could see the reflection of car lights in my drive. I knew it was her Cutlass Calais. She reminded me of her car way too often. I always felt like she was rubbing it in my face. I drove an old pickup truck the same age as me. For a vehicle that was old. I had taken my time getting home stopping for a drink and candy bar. I always do that. One of my many weaknesses. She was leaning against her car running mascara, flat hair, still damp clothes. My first thought. Finally she’s going to tell me off. She surprises me with the most passionate kiss. I couldn’t resist. The next thing I know we are in her car kissing and grabbing and I can’t get enough. I kiss her neck and my chin catches on her pearls and snap. Pearls everywhere! She doesn’t even notice! Who is this girl? I think. She would have panicked and stopped everything for these things hours before and now nothing. The passion was unbelievable. She didn’t stop.

That was the most passionate, that’s the best word I can use to describe it, I have ever seen a person. And it was for me!! Can you believe that? What did I do to deserve that? Treat her horrible?! Really? I can’t understand people. The harder I try the harder it is. I know I want that passion again! I don’t know how to get it and maybe I don’t deserve it but I want it again. After that she looked at me different for a long time. You could tell the money and material things didn’t matter to her as much as me. I think later her parents reminded her I was going nowhere and she realized it too.

I’ll never forget that night!

The Mirror!

2011-08-20T11:52:00.002-05:00

I've never been one to stand in front of a mirror very long. It's always been a waste of time for me. I can only do so much with what's left of my hair and well, there's not much I can do with the rest. I don't wear makeup so contacts, teeth and I'm done. I've always thought if they don't like me like I am they are not going to like me with a little extra whatever to make me look better. So I don't spend any amount of time in front of one but as I walked by this morning something caught my eye. I was getting out of the shower and headed to my room with the towel wrapped around my waste like I always do. I had to stop and see what my brain perceived. You know what I saw? A caricature of me. It was like someone put an old persons head on a young mans body. I have a farmers tan almost year round anyway so my head and arms are always darker anyway but this was different. My arms and stomach are more defined. It seems all the challenges I've been putting on my body are paying off. I caught myself doing the body builder poses. Ha! That's a sight! I wonder where all those muscles came from.
I got to thinking. It's almost like the two are different entities attached at the neck. My body has never let me down. If I give it a challenge it accepts without a word and 99 out of 100 times completes the challenge. I've been blessed with an athletes body. I do a few exercises and it pays me back ten fold. For years I have neglected my body simply by not exercising. I really started last year and with each day I feel better and feel stronger. If I say 200 crunches it will give me 200. If I say run it runs and the only reason I stop is my head tells me too. Some things I do I feel like I've been doing it all this time. I get off the treadmill and in a few minutes I'm breathing like I have been resting on the couch. It amazes me. We went rock climbing at Savannah's birthday last month and I shimmied up the wall like I've been doing it all my life. Yesterday I did 125 push ups. They were not consecutive but I'm getting there.
My head well, there is another story. It shows the years. The lines, the wrinkles, the loss of hair, the gray hair, it backs away at a challenge. It over thinks everything. It tells me you can't do that! You can't!! I'll be 43 next week and my face shows every year. I always liked to say it's not the years it's the mileage. I've added thousands of extra miles. Many many days of extra overtime at work and long days trying to get everything in the few precious hours I have with my kids.
Caught in the middle and somehow part of both is my heart. My heart pumps the blood my body needs for all the challenges I give it without so much as a snicker but it throbs with every mistake my brain makes or bad decision I come up with. It makes it hard for me to breath when I think I can't. I can barely make it through my little workout if my heart is feeling something my brain is thinking about.
Then I realized I have it all wrong. It's my soul that does the feeling and it controls both the head and the heart. My soul. How do you exercise the soul? I read an article that said married men live longer because their wives make them talk about there feelings. Whereas women talk to their women friends about their feelings so a single woman will live longer than a single man. Huh? I guess that's how you exercise your soul. Talk about your feelings. I have neglected this more than my body.
But I must say I am looking good. I'm in better shape than I have been in years. I have blamed my wife for that because she thinks walking in the mall is exercise and I am a fool for doing anything more but it is my fault for letting her into my head and keeping me away from doing what I love to do......I like reaching down and feeling my calves or the muscles in my arms. I like the feeling after a workout. It calms the tidal waves of thoughts in my head and it makes me look better to boot.
I like writing this blog because it gives me a way to express my feelings and I have found I stumble upon answers as I write. It makes the thoughts I have more concrete and catalogs them for me to read later. Even I like reading what I write sometimes.. I think of it as reps for the soul. I think I'll go take my shirt off again and do a few poses just to make sure that's really me...............

Poem!

2011-08-18T10:29:00.000-05:00

I deleted this poem a while back because I thought it made you feel awkward and maybe it still does but I think I need to leave it on here. I want to leave it on here! I'm not a poet and sometimes I don't feel like things I write are all me. If you can imagine that. Anyway this was one of those that just flowed onto the page without much thought and means a lot to me!

The beauty of a rose has yet to meet

The power of your pose or your lips so sweet!

Bulbs, pansies, and tulips galore

I have to say are all such a bore.

Hydrangeas and chrysanthemums are way too busy

They remind me of girls with names like Heather or Lizzy.

A daisy cut and in my clutch

Withered and rough compared to your touch.

The only flowers that I can find

Bloom in the garden of my mind.

With strength, poise, and delicacy

Beautiful colors only I can see.

Lilies of pinks, purples and whites

Bloom all my days and all my nights.

But even my lilies can't compete

With the power of your pose or your lips so sweet!!
Author~ unknown

Pin pricks!

2011-08-18T09:06:00.001-05:00

My brain has been mush lately. I don't now if its the heat or something else. I try to write and can't seem to focus on anything interesting. Well, interesting to me. One problem is that I've been rushed. I don't have any help and I've been trying to get everything done here as fast as I can. That involves me being on the floor and not in my office. I have thought of interesting topics but can't seem to hash them out. I feel like I'm this close to nailing something great. Have you ever thought of writing a book? I do all the time. I would want it to be great right out of the box. I've toyed with the idea many times and I think I could do a decent job. I always think I should write a mystery but my head wanders to love story. Isn't that funny? Ever get that feeling it's on the tip of your tongue but you can't seem to get it out. That's how it is with me writing. An idea passes through my head and just like that gone. I can't do anything with it. Either I'm working or driving or something I can't stop and let it play out. I know that sounds silly but who knows how the brain works.
I wrote something a few weeks ago and didn't like something about it so I deleted it. I was talking about my favorite quote. "A fool says more than he knows, a wise man knows more than he says." I was thinking about how I've always tried to be wise but have always come up short. Literally Ha! I love my height so I can make fun of it. Anyway, I imagined Confucius(could be any other wise man I just seem to lean towards him) sitting at the top of the grass covered hill under a tree meditating at sunrise. The tree and grass are swaying back and forth with the breeze. Each breath he takes he can smell the land around him. He's like a connoisseur of smells. The flowers, the grass, maybe even fresh plowed dirt, the oxen and their business. Every breath he takes in and picks out the best parts and savors them.
Then I wondered as wise as he was did he ever do foolish things or even think of foolish things. Being a man I assumed he would. So I thought, if he was sitting here deep in thought enjoying the breeze and the smells what would happen if he caught a hint of perfume. (I love doing this to him. Do you think God does things like that?) The next breath the land again. I wonder would he think he imagined the smell or was it actually there? If he imagined it would he try to figure out why it showed up in his conscience?
Would his thoughts wander to the beautiful girl with the raven black hair and the silky soft skin? Or could he keep his mind clear of everything? Would he think about the touch of her hand or the sound of her voice when she says hello? How could he not think of things like that?
Would he spend the rest of the day wondering how could I catch a whiff of her perfume way up on the hill? Was it my mind playing tricks and if so why? The poor wise man! Caught in an epic battle men have been fighting since the dawn of time!
There is nothing more powerful than the thought of a woman! A mere pin prick in the center of the brain that speeds away from the center like a tsunami and crashes against the sides of your head and builds momentum with each thought.
I guess we'll keep fighting til the end of time. Excuse me while I go sharpen my sword and find my shield. I think my kids were using it as a sled last week. Oh there it is. Why are we using my shield as a bird bath? How can I be heroic without a shield?!!! Little Monsters! I fear them the most..................

The Fall!!

2011-08-16T08:25:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I took my daughter to her first day of high school. It’s funny I don’t remember my first day as hard as I try. I guess it wasn’t very special. I do love this time of year though. What was that line from You’ve got mail “the smell of a bouquet of fresh sharpened pencils.” It’s exciting the air gets a little cooler, new classes, new friends, old friends, football practice, the sounds of pads hitting together, the distant sound of snare drums, new teachers, old teachers, the feel of new school clothes and the smell of new perfumes all mixed together. The sting of summer fading away as the new pains from getting hit by guys twice your size. A smile in the hallway.

Here at work this time of year the school is just far enough away that you can hear the drums as they practice in the mornings. I love opening the doors and feeling that cool air ease its way into the hanger. It’s not quite that cool yet but it’s getting there. It does feel cooler but just because it’s so hot in the hanger. People get a little more cheerful I think as the heat slowly fades away to fall. I’m sure it’s from years and years of people starting school and it just carries on to adulthood. Summer just drains you. I get to where I hate coming in to work because I know of the hours I have to go before I can get out of the heat and relax in my cool PJ’s. You know the ones with the feet. Ha! I never owned a pair of PJ’s. It was always underwear. That was my PJ’s growing up. My cousin Brent always had them. The ones with the super heroes all over them. Funny. Jared has Mario Pj’s. Colby likes boxer shorts and nothing else. Neither of them will wear shirts. You can put them on but 10 minutes and they are shirtless again. Even my daughter will wear T shirt and shorts. I’m not sure what there is for girls to wear at that age. Huh? I’m a Tshirt and shorts guy myself. I can’t go without a shirt anymore because I never have any covers. Like most things my sig. other takes them.

I like it cold so as the weather changes I really change I think. My attitude especially. My cares go out the window and I relax a little. That smile eases back onto my face. I went to Michigan years ago in the fall. The changing colors of the trees were absolutely beautiful. The yellows and oranges and reds. Awesome!!! I think in Texas everything just turned brown-er! The leaves just fall off one day and sticks are left. Here it’s hard to tell other than it gets cold. The trees don’t change and some get greener if that is possible. I have a Silver leaf Maple in the back yard that I planted when we moved in. It’s huge now. It loses its leaves. The neighbors have Oak trees that drop their leaves a little at a time all winter. I know this because I have to rake their leaves all winter. You look at the trees and they still have thousands of leaves. Very frustr….ok it pisses me off. Ha!

Still this is my favorite time of the year. A lot of people like spring better and I love it too but it’s just a trick to make you not think of the heat coming. Whereas fall is like the beginning to me. A new school year. Holidays are just around the corner. Some rush those in too early but I can’t blame them. After these summers we all need a break.

Why do I like the cold? Easy you can get close to someone without sweating. Ok that’s not the only reason but it’s nice to think about. You could maybe listen to their heartbeat! I like the cold because I can wear my favorite thing in the world. A sweat shirt. I know it’s not very fashionable but at work I’m covered in oil and grease anyway so where does that fit in. I’m not always covered in oil and grease. But I could be anytime. It’s funny how people view you differently when you are dirty as to when you are clean. I actually have had girls/women look at me positively more when I was dirty. Explain that to me! Now keep in mind the type of girls I attract. I think the words heavy, dark, trash, could be used to describe most of them. Funny I know. I see how pretty people get the rep for being snobbish. If you attract people you might think are ugly even the slightest nod in their direction could make them obsessive. Making it harder for you to be nice to anyone because you would always be afraid of giving the wrong person the wrong idea. I think I might be on to something there. I’m out of time so I better get to work. Another subject I’ll have to pursue another day.

Regardless it’s getting to be my favorite time of the year and the heat is slowly giving way to the cool fall. I can almost hear the smashing of pads coming together or was that a drum? Never mind that’s the pounding in my head from my pulse quickening at the thought of you in a sweatshirt on the football field up north holding a bouquet of fresh sharpened pencils………………………………………………A new meaning to fall!

Blog?!

2011-08-12T07:51:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I was browsing through peoples blogs during lunch. I was amazed at what some people will say to the universe but was inspired by others. One woman challenged herself to do 100 consecutive push ups in 6 weeks. The full no cheating push up. Another person was training for a marathon. Interesting. The farthest I've ever run was in high school and I think it was 7 miles during cross country. Others were people like me searching for answers or just putting it out there for the world to read. I would imagine cries for help. I took suicide hot line training in high school and they told us most people that commit suicide reach out for help long before they actually do it. I may be seeking help but I'm not suicidal. I don't even like saying the word. It's amazing to me how many commercials these days talk about thoughts of suicide. Some blogs are awesome in the way the people communicate. They are interesting to read and exciting to follow. I did notice they all have their up and downs too even the chipper "I'm conquering the world types." Which makes me feel better.
By reading some I realized I had lost sight of why I started this blog. Ok I didn't have a plan when I started writing I just started writing. What's that saying? If you fail to plan, plan to fail. I'm failing miserably. A few posts I wrote I have to read again and again thinking who wrote this and others it is obvious I wrote. Ha! Maybe some days it's the right brain and others the left. Which is it if your right handed your left brained or vise versa? I notice I do things both brains are good at. I wrote one post about how pilots and mechanics are so different yet I am both. I like mechanical stuff but I also like artsy stuff. I'm not hinting that I'm special it's just you hear of one or the other never both. Huh? I'll have to pursue that more another day. Maybe I'm a renaissance man? Hahahahahah! That is funny!!!!
Let's see where was I? Blog, blog, blog? So I lost sight. Maybe I'll challenge myself somehow. My niece took a class that gave her the assignment of writing a blog for a year. It was very interesting the way she transformed from the first post to the last. She still writes one but you can see she's more interested in other things. During her assignment she went to Italy for another class over the summer. Where were these classes when I went to school? Anyway it was very interesting. She included pictures of the whole thing. It was not only nice to see what she was up to and be able to follow her through Italy but she is a great writer.
So What's my point? I'm going to try to write something more interesting for one but more importantly get more focused on what I'm trying to do here. I can't today because my boss just came in and I have to go but later I'm all over it.

My Project

2011-08-11T07:44:00.000-05:00

Here is the project I'm working on. It's a Twin Commander. It's owned by PHI Inc. The helicopter company I used to work for. I thought this was a cool picture because it looks like it is floating. I have the landing gear removed and in pieces. I have to overhaul the gear and do an inspection on the airplane. If it sounds like a lot of work it is. We have about $100,000 worth of work to do on it. I say we, I don't have any help these days. My part time guys work for PHI and they are working a lot of overtime right now. Anyway, like I said I thought this was a cool picture.

The Rookie!

2011-08-10T07:08:00.002-05:00

Last night I watched one of my favorite movies. The Rookie. I have it on DVD but don't seem to watch it very often. I sat through the commercials which was kind of stupid but hey.
I think I like it because it reminds me so much of growing up and baseball of course. It's a good reminder that you should chase your dreams no matter how large the obstacle. I could see his dilemma when he got his chance and was away from his family. I get choked up each time I watch it. I like the little things in the movie that you don't pay much attention too. Like when his wife grabs his butt in the office of the school. Funny.
When he was a young boy throwing the baseball at fences and walls I think back to all the times I did the same thing. Our house was brick and in the back yard we had a wall that was about 8 feet wide and didn't have a window close to it. The dryer vent was in the middle of it and was right in the strike zone. I would pitch to the dryer vent for hours. Sometimes I would get lucky enough to make it in the vent & I would have to fish it out of the hole. At one time it had an aluminum cover but I beat it off with good pitches.
Once I was in the front yard and I was pitching to a wall next to a window. I was pretty good at hitting where I wanted to throw, but I got cocky and tried a curve ball. Well, you guessed it right through the window. Embarrassing because the neighbor kids were all outside and saw or rather heard it.
The town in the movie could be Merkel. That's another reason I like the movie. It looks just like it in some shots. Even though my memories of Merkel are not all great. We played in Big Lake once in high school. I remember walking by Jim Morris' jersey wondering who is this guy? I didn't realize until the movie came out and put the two together. The field we played on was in a lot better shape than in the movie.
I also liked his wife. I always think she overdid the accent until I talk to someone back home. Then I think she didn't draw it out enough. Ha! I liked her line. "I am a Texas girl, don't think I need a man to run things around here." Something like that. You would think I would know it word for word as many times as I've watched it.
I could go on but the movie is better than anything I could conjure up. I watched a game last year where he was coaching. It was kind of cool. My family didn't think it was that cool. I guess I'm a old softy. I better get to work.

Quotes!

2011-08-09T19:50:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that when I am having an emotional downturn I look for quotes. I guess to try and figure life out or maybe some insight into why things happen the way they do. I don't know why I get comfort in words other people have said. Maybe I'm hoping they will speak to me. I'm going through a terrible time, in my opinion anyway. It may be easy for another person but I'm having a hard time and I don't know what to do. I try being the upbeat exciting person I know I can be but it's a lie. I want to crawl into bed or drive away but I can't.
Anyway, enough of that. Here are some great quotes I've found.

A man is what he thinks about all day.

As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.

Make yourself necessary to somebody.

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.

Until we meet again, I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

Chase after truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch it's coattails.

Success isn't permanent and failure isn't fatal.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Love that is not madness is not love.

Forget regret or life is yours to miss.

I distinctly remember forgetting that.

Forbid us something and that thing we desire.

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.

People think that a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention.

Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.

Playlist message!

2011-08-09T08:13:00.001-05:00

I was playing my playlist this morning. I usually put it on shuffle. This morning I looked at the list and added a few words here and there to the titles and this is how it read.

Crazy girl tell me your

Secrets. Even though I’m not one of

the Boys of fall anymore.

Take me there,

Who are you when I’m not looking?

I’ve never wanted nothing more.

What I need to do is tell you

The Truth.

I’m a little more country than that.

You’re a fire I can’t put out.

I’ve never wanted nothing more than to go

Somehwere with you or

Getting’ you home. I’ve always thought

You were meant for me,

You belong with me. If you

Let me down easy

Let’s fall to pieces together. We’ll be

A little bit stronger.

Crazy girl

Don’t you want to stay and be my

Honey bee.

I won’t let go because when I go to sleep

You’re the last thing on my mind.

Isn’t that funny? What a GOOBER!!!!!

My three Monsters!

2011-08-04T12:37:00.002-05:00

I had a change of heart and deleted the first two paragraghs. Sorry if I worried you! I need to get my head checked I think! Ha!

I have to tell you about my three greatest gifts.

When I moved to Lubbock to go to Rice Aviation A&P school I moved into this little efficiency apartment in this ladies garage. She was very nice and only charged me 175 bucks a month plus electricity. I was still living on the money left over from my time at Camp Butman. I still had some even after paying for my mom’s college. I laugh anytime I say that. That was after Anissa had dumped me. I have to say dumped it feels better than broke up with me. So I started school in one of the biggest college towns in Texas and didn’t know a soul in town. Well, I knew people going to Tech but I wouldn’t let myself search them out. I went to school nights from 5 to midnight so I was free in the mornings to do what I wanted. It didn’t take long and I got bored. I was practically by myself all the time except for school. There were only men there.

So I started looking for a job. Quite unsuccessful I might add. I looked all over town with no luck. On the weekends I would drive back to Merkel. Everyone our age was off at college or married or moved away. So I would just visit friends and family. Drive around town and think of what “was” I guess. So I talked to the right people one day and they told me about there brother who lived in Lubbock at the employment office. Wow! So I went and talked to him and he found me a job working for South Plains Pool and Patio. With my construction background it made sense.

So I started working from 6:30 to 3:00 then went to school 5:00 to midnight. Made for some long days. The work was mostly physical and in the heat. School was a breeze and I loved it. The only catch was no social life at all. Now I’m terrible at socializing anyway. I hate going into a room to mingle. I am like a fish out of water. I usually don’t have anything in common with people at events like that. The only people I saw were fellow employees or people working at restaurants where we ate lunch. I’m awesome at attracting waitresses. Something about working women that I feel comfortable around. I flash my blue eyes and please and “thank you’s” and their bringing me extra food and refills and looking over my wife’s shoulder at me. I always seem to be more charming than any other time. Whatever right?

When I was fire fighting I became Mr. Charming. I was not too happy with things at home anyway and it was like football. We were doing something awesome and a little heroic. Although I never got very close to a fire we were looked at differently. Or maybe that was just my perception. No, I was just relaxed and myself and didn’t worry about anything. I would compliment people smile and open doors for strangers. I can be quite charming if I push all my insecurities aside. I’m getting ahead of myself.

I was working for the pool company building pools and school at night. I went out with a girl or two that I was set up with by friends. Anissa even came over once and we went to lunch. I have to give her some credit. When she broke up with me ,oops dumped me, she told me it was because I wasn’t living up to my potential. Now I didn’t want to hear that at the time but after some thought it sank in. That’s why I decided to go to A & P school. I knew I couldn’t relax until I had done something with my life and be productive. I also knew I would never attract the woman of my dreams as a plug.

I ran into Brit Pursley and he talked me into moving in an apartment off Quaker. His roommate bailed on him so I moved in with him. That turned out to be a big mistake because at the end of the semester he moved home and the manager wouldn’t rent the apartment to me. So I was out on my ass looking for a place to live. I had given up my nice little apartment paying next to nothing for being homeless. I finally found an apartment to rent but I couldn’t move in for 3 weeks. I was still talking to Melinda, just a friends, she let me sleep on her floor in her spare bedroom for that 3 weeks. I never saw her but the one time I talked to her to get her key. I would leave for work before she got up and by the time I got home after midnight she was asleep locked up in her room. I don’t think she was too comfortable with the arrangement. Anyway, I would go there for the 5/6 hours sleep and be gone. I didn’t even see her when I dropped her key off. I haven’t talked to her since.

So I moved into another apartment and kept going to school and working. I would flirt with this girl that worked at a convenience store on my way to school. She worked nights and was there when I got out. I would stop in to talk to her. We kind of hit it off except turned out she had a horrible STD. One of those you can’t get rid of. So I slowly slipped away. I don’t know why I threw that in here.

So work and school. That was the extent of my social life. I met Jodi at a diner we always ate at. She had a boyfriend at the time so like I said I didn’t look twice at her. Instead I asked out her best friend. We went out and it was a disaster. She was out there! A while after that she calls me and says Jodi’s car was broke down and could I help them. Being the helpful guy I am I got out of bed and drove across town and helped them out. I went home thinking to myself of all the people in the world why did they call me? Jodi still had her boyfriend and Brandi & I didn’t like each other at all. So I went home and went to bed a few hours less sleep than I usually got.

Time passed and I still ate lunch at the diner until I graduated. Top of the class I must add. Whoop tee doo! I moved back to Merkel. I looked for aviation jobs but nothing was panning out. I finally moved back to Lubbock to work for the pool company again. Blah, blah, blah we got married. There were no fireworks or thinking I can’t live without this person just I guess we’ll get married. It doesn’t make any sense because I’m not like that. I never have been.

All the companies I talked to wanted someone with experience so I joined the Air Force. Benefits and experience seemed right at the time. Now I know this sounds made up but I wanted a daughter. I never had a urge to have a son to carry on the Franklin name. Now, I love my boys more than anything but then I wanted a girl. The Air Force sent us to Tucson, Az. Love it there. A couple years pass and Jodi gets pregnant.

I have to get back to work. I wrote this during lunch. I’ll continue as soon as I can.

Horoscope!

2011-08-01T10:59:00.004-05:00

I have a confession! I check my horoscope from time to time. OK almost every day now that I have an app for that. I try to wait to the end of the day to look at it and see how close it was. I don’t want it to influence my mood or how I treat the day. Some days I just feel so yuk I look for any reason to look forward to the day. Even if it’s some kook reading the stars and planets. I have to admit though if your read how they describe a Virgo it’s painfully close to me. I think to myself, are all Virgos like this? I guess nothing is 100%. I wish I would have taken their advice before I got married. They said a Virgo and a Leo don’t make good couples. Oh and I saw her in her dress when I was walking into the church before the wedding. Funny what you do when you are trying to figure out life. I looked other signs up and was very surprised at what I read. That was 20 years ago. I remember like it was yesterday.

I ran across a blog a couple months ago that I thought was funny. I think it was called “Flirting with the Zodiac”, apparently this person would read their horoscope at the end of the day and compare it with what happened that day and then report it on the blog. Interesting to say the least. It was hit and miss from what I could tell. I just read it the one time.

I’ve always been interested in the heavenly bodies and things of that nature. Mostly because they have been around so much longer than man and how beautiful they are to look at. I’ve told you about my experience in Idaho going to the restroom in the middle of the night on the side of the mountain. Breathtaking. I had to stand and just take it all in for 30 minutes or so until I got too cold to stand there in my skivvies. I’ve learned a few constellations and the stories behind them. Some mostly so I could navigate at night. I can’t imagine needing to do that but it only takes a glance up to know which way is North now. That could save your life.

How can they describe me from just knowing my birth date? I have no idea but its fun to read. Some days they make no sense at all like it was meant for someone else other days I swear they are looking over my shoulder and reading my mind. Freaky! Anyway, I read it. I think it’s funny you can read two different ones and they read completely different. I wonder if they are all reading the same stars and planets? I guess it’s all up to interpretation.

Who doesn’t want to know what’s going to happen? I always wanted things to be a surprise and I still do. I know you can’t know everything then you would try to change it. Right? I like the movies about time travel and alternate universes just because it gives you a feeling that there is something/somewhere that could be different. Even if it is imaginary. Also someone in the house can’t keep up and drives her crazy. (Bonus) She has no imagination at all. We watched Source Code and The adjustment Bureau this weekend and she was so lost I had to laugh.

Now I don’t live in an imaginary world or anything like that. Unfortunately. I just like to know there are things out there that we have no clue about & things we haven’t discovered yet. Possibilities of things that haven’t happened yet but could!

Gotta get to work! My horoscope says to come out of the serious mode today and let yourself laugh. Ha! So this horse walks into this bar. The bartender says, so why the long face! Am I a goober or what?

My opinion!

2011-07-29T13:57:00.001-05:00

I thought I’d change the name of the blog. What do you think? I couldn’t come up with anything witty so quick but it looks good. If you have a better idea that would be great!! I already considered it ours. I would share anything of mine with you!

Savvy, smart, cynical, passionate and sexy! Yep that’s how I would describe you! Definitely the cynical…..ooops the sexy part! Are you kidding me? You are sexy! Why do you think I want pictures? Ok I can see why you wouldn’t believe me, me being biased and all. I don’t have a good way to prove it. Just have to take my word for it. My idea of sexy is not the skin and bone model type. They are pretty but sexy to me is deeper than that.

Sexy is going back to school to be something more than what you are.

Sexy is covered in dirt and paint from repainting your kids bedroom for the umpteenth time because they want black walls now.

Sexy is going that little extra for your kids because you want more for them than you had.

Sexy is wearing a sweatshirt because it’s my favorite to wear.Even if you would look great in a form fitting black dress.

Sexy is standing up for yourself because if you don’t who will?

Sexy is calling when he least expects it or notes he won’t find until later.

Sexy is synonymous with smart, cynical, passionate. Ok not always cynical.

Sexy is being scarred from experiences in life.

Sexy is being touched by songs that remind you of someone special.

Sexy is being there and bearing your soul.

Sexy is that “hmmmm!” I read in your notes. If I could only be there when you say it!
Sexy is going home to be with that special someone instead of the great party everyone is talking about.
Sexy is sitting on the porch listening to your favorite music.
Sexy is crying because you've had enough of the world pushing and pulling you every which way they can.

Sexy is a presence & how you carry yourself not looks. Looks help and you have those too but it’s so much deeper than that.

I could keep going if you’d like. I think those women are sexy or at least their characters. They remind me of you! Ok I didn’t just focus on the “sexy” part of your post although it looks like I did. I just decided this was the thing I could write on because it’s my opinion!