Bryant comes in with some problems in tow,….then again, this being Bungle country that’s kind of  a requirement here! He also seems to be of the now WAY too popular “I’m-overly-entitled-because-I-play-Football-and-I-am-a-wideReceiver” crowd, that our own Chud Johnson (and TO) is a chapter President of;…aaannnddd,I can’t imagine Bryant being worth 7million a year, considering he’s only “played” at the “high” level one year;…– but, that’s more an NFL economics question than anything else, I guess. He’s been a smaller scale TO, so, I guess we got the lesser (and younger) of two similar evils. STILL!…whew!…its NOT T.O.!   Fantastic!!! Up next, dump the Chump(Chud). Hey, I can hope, right?

WELCOME TO TOWN, Mr Bryant!

Quick review: Chud Johnson acted like a little freakin’ jackass in the locker room during half-time of the 2005 season play-off game against Pittsburgh. In a game where the Bungles lost Carson Palmer and needed a guy to mature and step up, they got Chad Johnson the f’in baby-ass instead! They still led at halftime; but! Chud, knowing there were camera’s rolling out on the field, was upset about NOT getting enUFf balls thrown his way. After all, he needed to exploit his face and camera’s generally followed the ball, not guys who’s nads fold up inside their bodies during big games! SO!, because he’s so juvenile and assy (its a word!) he reportedly got in such a “tizzy” that he took a bitch slap at a Coach. I can only imagine it was a “bitch slap” because Chud seems like he’s a sissy-bitch. After all, I’ve seen him try to block, and anytime he’s been hit, he’s gone DOWN  (Gawd I love that vid!) like a sack of dirt!. Chud did start to block a little in 2009, but at 14-million a year that’s a little late for him to get props. Then there’s that dive he took late in the game up in bUFfalo a few years ago, when he was just too scared after getting grazed?(The video showed he was almost completely missed!) That was about pathetic. Still, I understand many of the fans in town still bend over for his ass, so, he’s a least got y’all fooled. Of course, most of you probably chase the red (laser) light up and down the wall too. After all, side-shows like Chaud are here to divert attention. His side-shows acts, which have failed to help “his” team win even ONE playoff game (or even ONE must win game, for that matter), stay…but, he wont even once try the STFU and play method JUST once to see if that MIGHT be MORE helpful to an actual TEAM minded goal (WINS!)?… than his Bullshit skits have? (and they’ve failed miserably at all “TEAM” goals)…. Well, I sure hope winning is still a goal here….despite continual evidence to the contrary.

Anyway!…If the SECOND playoff game the Bengals “hosted” (and have BEEN in since 1990!) Mr “Productive”-o decided that after he was shut-down by D Revis in the Season’s FINAL game of the year (the week before), that he’d buckle down and concentrate ONLY on Football to prepare himself like a professional might, in an effort to help his team win this pending playoff game!….YEAH RIGHT!!…HA!..Man, that’s a freakin’ laugh!..No, instead, in typical jackass form he promoted himself (yawn, again!) by expressing that he’d “own” Revis in the rematch. He went on that week to continue to busy himself with other-than-football-related issues, such as; Express that the “man-on-man sex” he had during the week was proof he was “ready” to play, and then further ready himself by arranging to have the big rig truck he bought himself for his birthday; delivered and set up on display at the stadium. You know, all the important things ALL those wr’s from Indy and N’awlins do/did before their games. Yeah, RIGHT!(again)…Chud also busied himself by proposing that he’d change his name back to “Johnson”, if Revis wasn’t his “bitch” by game’s end. Well, add bet welcher to Chud’s long list of asinine characteristics. The D!ck-head still goes by that ridiculous Ocho-crap-o name! and still, the drones of fans stand by him (while he laughs at them).

Chud’s list of accomplishments continue with his bashing of the City, the fans, and all the players who expected him to actually lead the team by “playing” well (novel concept, eh?)….AND, as a team leader (defined by his time here, his salary and his self-promotion) he was critical of the expectations of him???? After all, they only get to play Cleveland TWICE a year!…OH, and he had that really good game against Miami that year they only won one game;….in week 17 no less!

THIS is the guy endorsing another guy who is as BIG an asshole, but has advancement down the diminished capacity career line a slight bit more! The Bills let him walk, and its been reported that NO OTHER TEAM HAS ANY INTEREST IN TERRELL OWENS at all. CHUD has taken all he’s meant to the city, and all that TO brings to the table, and the fact NO ONE else wants him, and decided assholes love company, and pioneered the Bungles signing the senior distraction/cancer! In true BT Barnum fashion, Mikey Brown has listened, and will probably sign this Class “A”9as in asshole) distraction and team destroyer. They made strides last year, but were a deep threat short of a good offense. Signing a guy NO other team wants, JUST MAKES GOOD SENSE! After all, we still have Chud!…and if HE were anything close to as good as he (and some of YOU) think?..He’s have moved on LOOOOONNNGGG ago! He knew no other team wanted him, and that no other fan base would put up with his diversionary clown antics. Other teams and other teams’ fans expect winning football over clowns!…or, at least a careful mix of both!

I feel really really bad for The Saints,….all they got was a Super Bowl win,….WE still have Chud and his tired ass act!…SUCKERS!!!…AND!, as a bonus, WE still use that tired old chant we stole from them YEARS ago!; ”Who Dey!?”…”WHO DEY?” (HA HA in their FACES!!!)….Well, since 1990?, “Who Dey” = everyone!! Can you imagine a more ridiculous chant for a this team? The only team to have zero playoff wins since 1990?!?!?

IF there is a saving grace here, its this;…..THERE does exist ONE guy in the NFL who is a BIGGER (and better) self-promoting media whore, than Chud (though to THIS guys credit, he has achieved a ga-zillion times more than Chud in his career); and that’s, you guessed it, Brent (I know) FaVre! The whore is going to prolong his “retirement/staying” presser for a few months yet, so I guess the idea that he and TO hook up for a last hoo-haa, is a possibility!??? The NFL has LONG lost its “sport” focused approach, and has been slowly sliding into the being what “pro” Wrestling is; Side-bar stories and distracting loud-mouthed idiots are now the driving force!….Sadly, its been eaten up by the fans so well, its now all the foundation the NFL has left, and what they now need to pursue to continue. This is no longer “Football”, but just another long-breathed staged Reality Show. Drink it in!….ITs gonna be grape flavored THIS year!

I got to tell ya, I’m not a movie person too much. Particularly when it comes to GOING to a Movie Gooleplex!..Of the top ten movies listed there, there’s 3-4 there I ain’t even heard of!….and, only two movies I’d go see even if it were free and they threw in a free limo ride to and from!. Even then, I probably wouldn’t go to both!. Going to the movies was always something you did with your girlfriend to kill time “before”, back in the day. I really don’t see the advantage in going to a movie theatre anymore. When they had those “Cinema-n-brews”, or “Pitcher-n-Pitchers’” places, where you ate and drank like you we’re humans….– at REAL tables, it was a different story. You didn’t have that crap ass row seating which, unbelievable as it may seem, SUCKS for watching a movie! How it is NO one has improved on that arrangement is amazing, but then again; many of you are still flocking there, so..???

If you just stop going to movies, then start seeing them later after they are on Cable, its kinda the like the same viewing effect -NEW!! Of course, you can’t go to work the next day and bore the HAIL out of everyone by talking about it right away, so there is a down side!….BUT, you don’t have to sit in a theatre seat that’s had its share of “abuse” spunked all over it 30 or 40 thousand times, buy .30 (cents) worth of soda for 3000 times its value, and sit in a darkened room with teenagers looking for love, or, that ever present jackass who’s already SEEN the release and feels compelled to yell out what’s coming next like he’s Morgan Freeman narrating (yet another) the movie! As if it takes some special talent to ALREADY see a movie…???

None of this is shocking news, yet still, 720million $$ in 12 weeks for Avatar? (60 million a week??)…A movie about some fake ass Blue race of humanoid tree people?. Then, of course, they cleverly mix in that some overly aggressive “White guy” (or guys) want to “STEAL” your land, or tree or whatever it is?, and go about it all aggressive-y and forceful. Typical “white guy” bashing that is still, somehow, popular for some wildly odd reason; — the drones still eat it up like its “fresh” copy. STICK TO WHAT WORKS JIMMY!!!

OK, so I still dislike James Cameron because I FOOLISHLY and embarrassingly went TO the movie theatre and watched,…yes,….Titanic! GAWD do I hate admitting to that! It was the woman’s idea of course, but still, how awful was that flick?! Yeah, I know it won some awards or something like that, for mostly ALL the reasons I don’t go to see movies for, anymore. Still, I felt myself getting dumber as I sat there and boiled over the flUFf ass crap I was being fed. Thankfully it was only about 6 hours long, so eventually I got to leave. At home, and after I funneled paint thinner through my eyes, I told the woman never again will we go to another movie. –…and we haven’t. I’ve taken the kids to some, but even then, the memory of Titanic still haunts every theatre in the country. If they closed ‘em all down, I’d never know or care! Thanks Jimbo!

Of those top ten movies, Cop Out would be the only one I’d see, if I had to go to the movies. Shutter Island?…well, DiCap was the “featured” douche-bag in Titanic, and I have a hard time excusing him for that role, but he has done some movies since that kinda deflect a little. Plus ha was trawling that chick with the name Bar….and THAT’s pretty impressive, so….maybe I’ll see that one after its run the theatre circuit.

Those two “lovey-boy/girl” movies?…Call ‘em Chick-flicks or what have you, but those are pure evil there. Woman GO to these movies and think this is how real life should be…..well, most woman anyway. Then, because they can never FIND a guy THAT douchey in real life, they are reserved to settle for a dude more like Seth Rogan “acts”. Not that I’m championing this guy, just his abusive niche-type of care-free male model. Women think everyone is a douchey feelings-matter kind of guy, and the ones that “hit-their-spot” so well, generally, just aren’t! So, they want animals to make ’em scream, but douche-bags at the holidays!???? Its just not possible! Yet here we are, 80 years into movies, and woman still fall for the same sh!t.

The other movie I’ve heard of on that list is, Brooklyn’s Finest; REALLY!?!?. Surprise, surprise, another Good-Cop-bad-Cop movie with a Black-guy-drug-dealer/savior-to-the-under-class, guy in it!…I wonder if they’ll re-use “THE CARTER”??? This is, what,  the 40-ith version now of this exact same message? Yeah, and I think 4 of the players IN this version, worked together at some point with each other on those earlier Hollywood RE-makes! OK I get the message, ALL “good” cops are the young Rookie types, and all the white vets are on the take! The Black actors are all into hip-hop and drug distribution, but they don’t want anyone in the real world to relate the two after they leave the movie; –yet we get re-make after re-make???. They glorify the life of extreme expenses and the excess lifestyles and drugs, but no one wants that to be their profile! THERE ARE FORCES, however, who do want you to believe that ALL Police are bad and corrupt, for some reason! Thankfully we have a lean ratio of 1 lawyer for every 60 NON-lawyer persons in this country!, yeah, they’ll help us sue anyone who has $$ and makes any kind of mistake at all! (oops, another tangent!)

In closing, don’t go see any of these movies!…that way they’ll release them from the theatres sooner! In the case of the “chick flick”s or “Brooklyn’s Finest”, just go (re)watch the 1000’s of previously produced films out there! It’ll help bridge the time it takes these “newer” versions to get on dvd!

CLEAN hit or Cheap shot? Pittsburgh and Boston are becoming as heated as the old Philly/Rangers use to be. It looks like Cooke will be suspended for this shot. Kinda think it was a purposely dropped elbow, but hey, its hockey!…

Meet Me’Unuh Phuque, the Somali Pirate. This is your average run of the mill-dirtbag Pirate, whose head might look better with the hydrostatic shock effect from the 5.56×45mmbullet commonly used in the M16. That’s strictly my opinion, of course. My neighbor, for comparison reasons, thinks I’m too compassionate. He feels that scenario isn’t messy enUFf. He’s also the one (former military Intel) who believes this guy, Me’Unuh, is not as ruthless as he appears in the media. In fact, he describes this pirate “action” as more of an arrangement between Captain (the word we’ll use to describe the guy responsible for the ship) and Pirate.  NO!

Yeah, to hear him tell it, this Pirate and many others, are merely acting on behalf of those “Captains” seeking to pad their retirement packages. Hand over your ship, owned by some anonymous 3rd party, in exchange for part of the bounty?…IMPOSSIBLE!!!. At first the thought IS crazy, and smells of  yet another bullshit conspiracy theory in line with the 911 nut-jobs. But then, you get to thinking about it..and maybe there is some truth mixed in there??

These Pirates aren’t your average Johnny Depp gay looking pirates. They aren’t looking for butts to Pirate, nor are they slashing and killing their way to the sought after booty. (sure, today’s ships are very sophisticated, so they need more help getting them to Port, still,….only 2 captured’s have died!) In fact, including the World over, Pirates kill about 1.25 people a year (just trust me on that, sorry, no link). The Pirates off Indonesia are more the killing type, and still, the number is just over one killed a year! Hippo’s kill more in a month!

Anyway, back to the initial question!….Since it is NOT unheard of for people in THIS country to set up hold-ups with their “acquaintances” at places where THEY work, is it that mind-boggling to think these Pirate attacks aren’t just a more advanced process along those same lines?….What happens to these “Captains” after they are “captured” anyway?…They hang around, and a few months later they are just gone?

I’m not, nor is my “neighbor”, suggesting that EACH case is a deal worked out between “Cap’n” Crunch and these thugs. BUT!?!?!?!?……maybe a few 9or so) are? WOULD YOU?

Talk about a serious case of: “When keeping it REAL goes wrong”!  This dude got his grill split open because he just had to prove what a badass he was.  You know the old man is sitting at a table right now, sharing this story with his buddies while playing a game of Bridge and saying shit like..”Yo Homie, tell me how ass tastes!”

Not only did he get beat down by Hulk Hogans uncle, but his bitch is video taping the whole thing.  At the end, she’s even lauging at his ass.  She told him he “was leaking”!  Ummm, Grandpa just busted his mouth and broke the whole damn sink, that’s why his ass is draining blood like a busted water line.  The only thing that would’ve made this video better is if he would’ve walked back an pimp slapped his bitch for gettin’ all this shit started!

But by far, the best part is at the 2:16 minute mark…when the old man is walking away and the dude mumbles under his breath, “next time, I’m gonna fuck you up”…Whatever Bruce Leroy, you had your chance, you fucked with an old man that you thought you could take down and you got your ass handed to you, IN FRONT OF YOUR BITCH!…Suck it up and move on.  And next time someone walks away, let him!  Because now the whole world will know you as the punk bitch sitting at the back of the bus, talking bout…”I need a Bambalance”!

The G-String Question: Is the reaction dumber than the question itself? HELL YES!

The Bucs are off the hook.  The single dumbest question of the NFL Scouting Combine was asked to Oklahoma defensive tackle Gerald McCoy.

“Someone asked me if I wore a g-string or a jock strap when I played,” McCoy told the NFL Network set Monday to disbelief, laughter, and amazement.

Analyst Mike Mayock wanted to know McCoy’s reaction to the question.  The affable defender just left his mouth open in a stunned expression. 

We heard a few stories in Indianapolis of coaches jokingly messing with players during interviews, but none sounded as creepy as this.

The video of the interview is oddly not yet on NFL.com. That’s probably a coincidence.  Or perhaps the league is embarrassed.

REALLY, Jackass?..You think the NFL is embarrassed that some one reported that a player was asked a question off of the normal script? Gheesh, how long have you been following Pro Football? These questions judge reaction, no one is interested in the actual answer,..well, unless it involves Paris Hilton, a bipolar Koala bear, and a rented U-Haul.

The general reaction has been that poor Mr McCoy should be offended!….Awww, maybe if his feelings ae hurt, the question served its purpose. After all, it was HE who felt the need to share this snip-it with the rest of the class. The “character flaw”, in part, is ALL his!

A pusher on the USA I four-man bobsled piloted by Steve Holcomb, Mesler was in the winning sled in each of two runs Friday at the Whistler Sliding Centre.

However, the Florida graduate must make it through two more runs Saturday before he can claim a medal. Total time from the four runs determine the order of finish.

The United States has not won an Olympic four-man bobsled gold medal since 1948 at St. Moritz.

Mesler, an alternate on the 2002 Olympic team and part of Todd Hays’ seventh-place team at the 2006 Games, graduated from Florida in 2000. As a Gator, his sport was track and field, his specialty the decathlon.

As a right-side pusher and third man in the sled, the 6-foot-2, 206-pounder’s job here is to push like crazy, load quickly and hang on.

Both starts were strong, with emotions in check.

“We don’t stand at the top of the hill and say ‘this is it, this is the Olympic Games.’ That’s not gonna get us anywhere,” said Mesler, 31. “It’s pretty obvious. We don’t need to tell each other. All you’ve got to do is open your eyes and see the (Olympic) rings everywhere. So we just act as if our goal is to win the race today. That’s what we did, so we’re going to hope to go out and win the race tomorrow.”

USA I’s start time of 4.75 seconds, briefly a track record, ranked second overall on the first run, behind Germany I’s 4.73.

USA’s second start matched the 4.73, but ranked fourth overall. Germany I again was faster with a track-record 4.70.

USA I reached a top speed of 95 mph, flying through a wet snow on a 33-degree day.

Holcomb, who placed sixth in the two-man competition here that ended Sunday, simply outdrove Germany I’s Andre Lange. No easy task, as Lange already bagged the two-man gold here and is the two-time defending champion in the Olympic four-man competition.

USA I finished first first run in a track-record 50.89 seconds, the second in an even faster 50.86. The combined time of 1:41.75 leads Canada I by 0.40 seconds, with Lange’s Germany I another four-hundredths back. The next-best American sled, Mike Kohn’s USA III, is in 12^th place, 1.36 seconds behind USA I.

“I’m going to sleep well,” Mesler said. “When you go to bed the night before (the first runs), you’re not sure if you’re going to be fast, you’re not sure how it’s going to go. You feel like you are.

 “We know we’re fast on this track now. We know we can start. We know ‘Holcy’s’ driving. We know the equipment’s running. So we can go to bed knowing all we have to do now is come out and do our job.”

Others may not sleep as well. Six of 25 sleds crashed – three on the first run and three on the second. USA II, driven by John Napier, turned over on the second run but slid across the finish line to put the team in 17^th place.

Four sleds withdrew earlier in the week. Three of those were because of injuries suffered in crashes either in the two-man competition or four-man practices. A Dutch team dropped out because Edwin van Calker said he wasn’t confident in his driving ability on the track.

Two weeks earlier, a luger from the country of Georgia was killed on the same track.

Mesler, who came to the Gators from Buffalo but has resided for the last seven years in Calgary, respects the track. He does not fear it, though.

 “No, because we’re having good trips. We see those but Holcomb still has that same feel and it’s not going to change just watching other people crash.”

Between Holcomb and Mesler, in the No. 2 spot, is Justin Olsen of San Antonio. The brakeman and last in the sled is Curt Tomasevicz of Shelby, Neb.

“We’re right where we want to be,” Holcomb said. “We had a great day today and we’ll have another great day tomorrow.

“It’s not over yet. We’ve got another race ahead of us. This is basically like halftime.”

Steve Mesler, Curtis Tomasevicz, Justin Olsen and Steven Holcomb

People keep asking me, “Doc, what do you think about the Tiger situation?” , “Doc, did you listen to the speech?”  and I can say is this….

I don’t give a fuck about what he did!  I don’t care about his speech!  And I don’t care if his woman stays by his side or not!  I don’t care how many chicks he was banging or in how many cities!  All I care about is watching the man play golf!

Lets be real here!  Most of the analysts, experts, people on the board at these marketing companies, any body and everybody that is giving there opinion has cheated or done something wrong in their life.  I’m tired of listening to these hypocrites put the man down, over analyze his every word, and second guess if his model wife is gonna stick around.

I can’t condemn the man for pulling out the driver on every hole.  It just proves he’s human.  He’s one of the most recognizable people on the planet.  I heard a comedian describe it best, “A man is only as faithful as his options.  He can stop chasing the poo-nanny, but if the poo-nanny is chasing him —-He can’t run fast enough!”……..Is it funny, YES.  Is it true, ABSOLUTELY!

Think about it fellas, if a chick walked up to your sorry ass right now and said, “Drop your pants, I’m dying to blow you”, you wouldn’t know how to act.  The first thought in your head would be, “WTF, is this a game show?”.  Second thing you would do is look around and see if anybody knows you.  Third thing you would do…..you would say “Let the facial begin”!

In Closing…Don’t hate the man for being a man!  And ladies, when you marry a high profile person such as this, you might as well accept that he’s going to cheat on you.  Afterall, you only married him for the money anyway, so what do you care if he bangs a chick or 200 on the side?

Ancient Chinese Proverb says:  “Man who live in glass house, should change clothes in basement”……..Think about it!

This has been another enlightening message from The Doc!
Peace!
I’m out Bitches!

Rounding the bases Friday night, Austin Maddox wasn’t sure if he was going to wake up before he reached home plate.

Moments earlier, Florida’s freshman designated hitter had just belted the second collegiate pitch of his career over the right-center field wall for a two-run home run to give the Gators (1-0) a 4-0 lead in the bottom of the first.

His trance ended after he touched home and realized what happened.

“First (at-bat). That doesn’t happen to many people, but it felt really good,” Maddox said.

It felt pretty good for the Gators all night in their season opener against South Florida at McKethan Stadium. Along with Maddox’s debut, junior infielder Josh Adams showed off some power by clearing the left field bleachers twice as the Gators defeated USF 6-2 in front of a crowd of 3,309.

While Maddox felt like his at-bat was a dream, Adams, who has won consecutive All-SEC accolades, said he had goosebumps after his first at-bat when he hit a two-run homer off Randy Fontanez in the first.

He was giddy after the hit, but he wasn’t very nervous coming into the game.

“Honestly, for a lot of us it felt like another scrimmage game because we’ve been scrimmaging so much,” Adams said. “About five minutes until game time everybody started getting that look like, ‘All right, it’s here. We’re ready to go.’ Everybody was ready and it was a good night.”

Besides Florida’s offensive explosion in the first, Friday meant the return of a familiar face. After spending the 2009 season sidelined after shoulder surgery, sophomore right-hander Tommy Toledo made his first appearance on the mound in more than a year.

He started strong as he struck out his first batter, but admitted jitters caught up to him while facing his third batter, Stephen Hunt, who saved the inning with a single to center. After Hunt stole second, Toledo walked Sam Mende off a wild pitch, putting runners at the corners.

Toledo then calmly struck out the next batter on a 3-2 count.

Toledo’s nerves didn’t leave him. His control problems landed him in a bases-loaded situation in the second, but like the inning before, he escaped with a strikeout and the clean sheet.

“It was definitely good to get my feet wet a little bit with the guys on and get those situations out of the way,” Toledo said. “I’m sure its going to be like that for the rest of the season, so I’m glad I got the first one out of the way.”

Florida coach Kevin O’Sullivan pulled Toledo after 3 1/3 innings with four strikeouts, two walks and an unearned run off 71 pitches. He was replaced by lefty Alex Panteliodis, who picked up the win after 3 1/3 innings and three strikeouts.

Florida’s bats went silent after Fontanez found his rhythm. He retired six straight after giving up those four runs and went 6 2/3 with five strikeouts in the losing effort.

Adams, who went 3-for-3 on the night, hit his second homer in the fifth and drove in his fourth run with a double in the seventh that scored senior center fielder Matt den Dekker.

The early bat work proved too much for the Bulls, but nerves kept the game from getting out of hand as Florida committed two errors on the night and only five hits after the first inning.

Still, O’Sullivan was pleased with the solid opening.

“There’s nothing like opening day,” he said. “Everybody’s anxious and everybody’s kind of amped up. I could tell our (batting practice) was a little different. It’s always good to get the first one out of the way.”

How much Nike is looking forward to this can only PALE in comparisson to what WE the public are expecting! NOW all you Tiger fans can watch Golf again!…YA,YA,YA,YA,YA,YA!!!!!!

Tiger Woods will end nearly three months of silence Friday when he speaks publicly for the first time since his middle-of-the-night car accident sparked stunning revelations of infidelity.

However, his agent said Woods will not take any questions from a small group of media.

“This is not a press conference,” Mark Steinberg said Wednesday.

It will be Woods’ first public appearance since Nov. 27, when he crashed his SUV into a tree outside his Florida home. Woods’ only comments since then have been made through his Web site.

“It will be good to see Tiger’s face again, and see that he’s actually out there somewhere,” Stewart Cink said. “I think this is the beginning of the comeback process for him.”

Woods is to speak at 11 a.m. Friday from the clubhouse at the TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., home of the PGA Tour.

“This is all about the next step,” Steinberg said. “He’s looking forward to it.”

Still, there was strict control over the appearance, typical of Woods’ career.

Steinberg described the gathering as a “small group of friends, colleagues and close associates,” who will listen to Woods apologize as he talks about the past and what he plans to do next. He said three wire services have been invited — The Associated Press, Reuters and Bloomberg — and he asked the Golf Writers Association of America to recommend pool reporters.

Only one camera will be in the room to provide live coverage via satellite. Steinberg said other writers with proper credentials could watch from a hotel ballroom more than a mile away.

“The first time out, he’s better controlling it,” Padraig Harrington said. “Over time, there will be questions. At the moment, the best thing is a more controlled environment and gradually ease his way back into it.”

Steinberg said in an e-mail announcing the public appearance, “While Tiger feels that what happened is fundamentally a matter between he and his wife, he also recognizes that he has hurt and let down a lot of other people who were close to him. He also let down his fans. He wants to begin the process of making amends and that’s what he’s going to discuss.”

The timing is peculiar. It will be held during the third round of the Accenture Match Play Championship in Arizona, sure to steal attention away from the first big event of the year. Accenture was the first sponsor to drop Woods when he became embroiled in the sex scandal.

“He’s got to come out at some point,” Rory McIlroy said. “I suppose he might want to get something back against the sponsor that dropped him. No, I don’t know. It just went on for so long. I’m sick of hearing about it. And I’m just looking forward to when he’s getting back on the golf course.”

PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem said he did not think Woods’ appearance was going to undermine a World Golf Championship event.

“We have tournaments every week,” Finchem said. “I think it’s going to be a story in and of itself. A lot of people are going to be watching golf this week to see what the world of golf says about it, my guess is. So that will be a good thing.”

As far as the PGA Tour’s part in the Woods event, Finchem said: “We were asked to make the facility available and to help with the logistics. That’s what we’re doing.”

Steinberg said only that Woods’ appearance during the championship was “a matter of timing.” Asked if it could have waited until Monday, he said, “No.”

No other news conference this week drew a larger crowd of reporters than the 20 who surrounded Finchem, a testament to how Woods has dominated the conservation at the Match Play.

“We’re all better off when he’s playing,” Adam Scott said. “I’m curious as to when he’ll return to golf.”

As for the timing?

“It’s his choice,” Scott said. “I guess the tour is hosting it there.”

Woods made a spectacular fall from his perch atop golf. He was believed to have been the first athlete to gross $1 billion in earnings and endorsements and, at 14 majors, was closing in on golf’s record of 18 majors held by Jack Nicklaus.

It all collapsed in the early morning hours the day after Thanksgiving.

Over the last few months, Woods has been on the cover of gossip magazines and the butt of jokes on national talk shows.

In the days before Woods’ accident, a National Enquirer story alleged the world’s No. 1 golfer had been seeing a New York nightclub hostess. Following the crash, a stream of women came forward to claim they had romantic relationships with Woods. One woman provided Us Weekly magazine with a voicemail she said Woods left her three days before the crash, asking her to take his number off her phone.

Woods admitted to “infidelity” in a statement on his Web site in mid-December and has been on an indefinite break from golf ever since.

Ian Poulter, who went extra holes to win his opening match, was among those curious to hear what Woods had to say. His only hope was to hear about it later.

“Hopefully, I’ll be on the golf course and not listening to it,” he said

SO for YOU!…my bretheren inthe northeren, I give you THIS!

• Cleaning up after winter storms can be a lot of work. Of course there are options - like paying someone else to do it. Snow blowers help too, but even using those can be strenuous and exhausting. So, if you end up having to do it yourself, here are some things you need to know to make the chore easier and safer.
  • Do light warm-up exercises before shoveling and take frequent breaks.
  • If possible, push snow in front of you. If you have to lift it, pick up small amounts and lift with your legs, not your back. Do not toss snow over your shoulder or to the side.
  • Don’t drink alcohol before or while shoveling snow. Do not drink before shopping for vintage snow blowers. Come to think of it if you shop for vintage snow blowers people will think you are drunk anyway.
  • Do not use rock salt it will ruin the paint on your newly rebuilt vintage snow blower.
• If you use a snow blower (also called a snow thrower), follow these safety guidelines:
  • Do not collect too many snow blowers. You won’t have enough time to clear your own driveway and you will have to hire it done.
  • Do not get a vanity plate of your favorite snow blower brand. People will think it is your last name.
  • Read the owner’s manual before starting your snow blower, and make the necessary corrections on your snow blower website.
  • Make sure all your friends and relatives are invited when you start your newly renovated snow blower. You may have to disobey the rule about no alcohol, because free booze is the only way you will get them there to see it.
  • Do not put your hand in the snow blower to remove impacted snow or debris. Turn the machine off and wait a few seconds. Then use a stick or broom handle to remove the material. If this does not work, remove the chute and spend your kid’s college fund to have it Teflon lined.
  • Do not leave the snow blower unattended when it is running. Always try to have a crowd around to show it off.
  • Never let a child beware that their father collects snow blowers, it could be embarrassing.
  • Fill up with fuel before you start, when the engine is cool. Budget at least 10% of your yearly salary to keep your collection in new gas.

This clip is only 18 seconds long, but it’s the funniest shit you will ever see!

I love how he  plants his mug in the dirt, then tries to get up and continue his routine as if nobody saw it.

 The Chart never fails…..it worked for me when I was with….

Ladies, if you’re not doing laundry like this…You’re doing it WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!

Caption this picture!

Well, they made another one, just for you!

Go figure, apparently SOME people are uptight!?!?.. People in this country can get freaked out about some one else’s opinion or views?..WOW! -Who’d have thunk it?