Father McKenzie

... By a drunken Milesh O'Brien?

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:06:00 +0000

"Kardashians punched in the face for charity"

http://celebrities.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=529162&showcomments=true

Que un zapatero haceria tales zapatos!

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:11:00 +0000

Ay, ay, ay! Las hijas primeras son goticas!

!Rodrigo, llama tu officio!

As he stood for photographs with his teenage daughters beside Barack and Michelle Obama, a smiling Spanish prime minister, José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, must have thought he was getting the ultimate family album picture.

It did not occur to him that official Obama pictures are uploaded on to the US state department's Flickr page, or that the black clothes and calf-high boots worn by one of his offspring might brighten the lives of Spain's adolescent Goths.

Yesterday his office was scrambling to remove all traces of the snaps, alleging that - unlike the Obamas - Zapatero has always kept his daughters, Laura, 16, and Alba, 13, out of the public eye. Officials also persuaded the state-owned Spanish news agency EFE not to distribute photographs of the two girls at the UN.

They reportedly reminded the agency that the law allowed Zapatero and his wife to insist images of their underage children should not be published - even with their faces pixilated out. However, the photograph was on the front page on several national Spanish newspapers- for many Spaniards their first glimpse of the prime minister's full family.

EFE confirmed it had decided not to distribute pictures of Mr Zapatero's daughters as soon as it received them because "they should not have their personal rights prejudiced by the prime minister's decision to take them to New York."

- Giles Tremlett, "Pictures of Spanish PM's daughters get thumbs up from Goths: Spanish prime minister tries to stop publication of pictures of daughters at White House wearing black clothes and high boots," The Grauniad (25 September 2009).

Gee. Funny that, eh

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 05:02:00 +0000

''Episode IV - A New Hope and Change''

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 04:43:00 +0000

.. I suspect "The Empire Strikes Back" due for release soon, followed by "The Revenge of the Jedediahs".

Some say Michelle O looks like a Klingon woman but I say she looks more like Kassidy Yates, Sisko's woman in Season 3 of Deep Space Nine (who was played by an actress - Penny Johnson - who, interestingly, also played Condi Rice. Who has also been played by Thandie Newton. Who played, in Chronicles of Riddick, the woman unto the character played therein by Karl Urban. Who has also played both Eomer and Leonard "Bones" McCoy. All very incestuous - and not in the sense that attracts people to the idea of moving to Tasmania).

Godfried Daneels, meet Anthony Daniels [corrected]

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:36:00 +0000

THERE IS ANOTHER: Recently I learned of the existence of a second George Lucas. No, not a clone, but the Catholic bishop of Springfield, USA, which means his ring and crozier may feature a three-eyed fish. This got me thinking... What if he'd been the George Lucas who'd created the Star Wars trilogies? How far might his Catholic episcopal influence have counter-balanced Hollywood's recent spate of anti-Catholic movies (The Magdalene Sisters, Elizabeth: The Golden Age, The Golden Compass, Serenity, The Da Vinci Code)...? What would Star Wars have looked like if...

1.      All post-1965 editions of the script, working from earlier and more accurate manuscripts, transliterate "Ben Kenobi" as "Bar Aknubi."

2.      Luke renamed "the Lucan Authors".

3.      When Leia asks "Would it help if I got out and pushed?", Han replies "No! - for that would transgress the Seventeenth Canon of the Third Council of Cato Nemoidia, which declares in perpetuity that the Senate has no power to permit Women to pilot vehicles."

4.      Anakin sets out his views on democracy and governance. "Then they should be made to agree." When Padmé asks "What if no one can make them agree?" Anakin explains "Then the Chancellor purges from office all Senators who vowed against his proposal. Bingo! Now you've got unanimous consensus - against which shall none dare to presume to set his private judgment."

5.      Palpatine orders Anakin/ Vader "Take a squad of troopers and purge the Temple. Leave nothing alive." Anakin: "Isn't that a bit extreme, my master?" Palpatine: "No. For it hath been profaned by the presence of Natalie Portman, Kenny Baker and Anthony Daniels - that is to say, by a Woman, a Dwarf, and an man which hath crushed testicles." Anakin: "Aieee! Abomination! Abomination! It shall be cleansed forthwith!"

6.      Yoda's word order now matches that of normal English speakers ("Therefore let the Jedi apprentice approach Our precious hut, in humility and with a teachable spirit", rather than "Let therefore the Jedi apprentice, in humility and with a teachable spirit, Our precious hut approach").

7.      When Leia says to Vader, "Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold. The Imperial Senate - shall not sit still for this!" Vader replies, "Don't act so SURPRISED, your highness. The moment you removed your faux-Benazir-Bhutto head covering in public, that gave my troops complete authority to use non-lethal force upon your person, pursuant to the Suppression of Vice and Promotion of Virtue Decree (Imp.) of 1 BBY."

8.      When Obi-Wan says "Millions of voices cried out in terror - and were suddenly silenced", Luke corrects this vilification of the Empire: "In fact, recent scholarship by unbiased researchers has proven conclusively that (a) fewer than 300 or 400 people overall died in the destruction of Alderaan, (b) of those who did die, at least 90 billion were engaged in aggressive terrorism against the Empire, so killing them was an act of self-defence, (c) officially-sanctioned translations of the Death Star plans into Standard Droidspeak were circulating at least two or three centuries before Alderaan was allegedly destroyed - which proves that Alderaan was in fact destroyed by the Rebel Alliance, not by the Empire. That is, if it ever truly existed."

9.      Palpatine tells the Clone Troopers "Execute Order 66." Anakin: "Wow, that sounds, like, really sinister and evil." Palpatine: "And rightly so, my young apprentice. For indeed, it is the sum of the numerical values of the letters on the triple crown that is worn by the President of the World Federation of Seventh-Day Adventist Churches when pilgrims arrive at his palace and kneel before him to kiss his ring."

10.     "General Grievous" renamed "Generalised Grievance" and played by William Donohue.

11.     When Moff Jerjerrod says "I assure you, Lord Vader. My men are working as fast as they can," and Vader replies ominously, "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them", he means nothing more sinister than inspiring them with the story of St Ergonostres, an historical figure who was reliably attested by thousands of eyewitnesses to have worked an ultra-supererogatory 25 or even 26 hours in each per day.

12.     Obi-Wan explains "Sandpeople always ride single file... partly to hide their true strength from any observers, but mainly so they can periodically stop, kneel and flog themselves until the blood flows. This is because they believe in a loving God and reject the cruel doctrine of double predestination."

13.     Obi-Wan tells Luke of The Force: "It is difficult to explain, but it links together everything in the universe." "Aha", says Luke. "So it's like Humanae Vitae then."

14. Han Solo: "Besides, going up against that thing ain't my idea of courage. More like... suicide." Luke: "Although death to oneself is an entirely foreseeable consequence of attacking the Death Star in a small, one-person fighter, it is not the primary intention (intentio primaria) thereof, nor is it willed by the actor."

15. Vader tells General Tagge, "I find your lack of faith disturbing. I find your lack of works, however, even more disturbing."

16. "Organa Solo" not only a political dynasty but also a theological slogan.

17. Leia corrects Han Solo so that he stops calling her "Your Worshipfulness" and starts calling her "Your Venerationfulness" instead.

18. Luke now understands that, when Obi-Wan says Vader was "a pupil of mine until he turned to evil," use of the word "until" (heos hou) doesn't mean Vader ever actually ceased being Obi-Wan's pupil, and that even now he remains, eternally, Obi-Wan's pupil.

19. When Palpatine tells Anakin "I want you to be my ears and ears on the Council", Anakin replies: "Can't you just send along a gang of disgruntled Latin Mass barristers with notebooks?"

20. Governor Tarkin: "Charming. You don't know how hard I found it to sign the order authorizing your life-annulment." Leia: "I'm surprised you had the courage to take the responsibility yourself." Tarkin: "I've ordered that you be declared a formal heretic and turned over to the custody of the secular power." Leia: "But they'll torture me, and then have me burned to death at the stake!" Tarkin: "Yes, but then the responsibility won't be mine, will it? I mean, be reasonable...."

21. When dodgy one-eyed cantina guy tells Luke "He - doesn't like you! I - don't like you either!", Luke replies "Rather, instead, is he motivated by an all-consuming prejudice and hatred against our ancient Faith."

22. When Kenobi says "That's no moon... that's a space station," Solo corrects him: "It is disappointing that you exhibit a simplistic dualism born of degraded late-mediaeval Nominalism. Whereas - if only you possessed the fullness of the Oral Tradition, you would understand - that a moon can also be a space station, without in the least ceasing to be a space station."

22. ~~When Lando asks "How can you alter one side of a bargain?", Vader explains to him the concept of Mental Reservation~~.

CORRECTED: Apologies for my confusing Lando Calrissian with Count Baltar, the Imperial Lord with the Imperious Leader. If you can remember 1977-78, you weren't there... This should read:

22. When Vader says "I have altered our agreement. Pray I don't alter it further," Lando points out, "I can't pray for that! To grant such a request, the importuned deity would need to interfere with the freedom of your will - something that not even the most omnipotent of gods are capable of."

23. When Palpatine says, "The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... unnatural", Anakin says "Hey, if it doesn't involve pills or rubber, then who cares?"

24. "Admiral Ackbar" would be renamed "Admiral Allahu Ackbar" and "Padmé" renamed "Ave Mari Padmé Hum La Ilaha Ill'Allah." Admiral Piett renamed "Admiral Piettà", although this would require his character to be rewritten as a Woman.

25. C3PO tells R2D2: "You can't go in there. It's restricted to humans. Artificial forms of intelligence are intrinsically forbidden."

26. When Palpatine announces "If elected Chancellor, I promise to put an end to corruption", Jar Jar starts running about shrieking "Oh nooooooo! Himsa gonna paste alla da priestermans!"

27. When Owen Lars says "I guess that makes me your brother", Anakin replies: "Ah. Well. Given that (a) I was a virgin birth, and (b) you and I share neither a father nor a mother, maybe the term 'cousin' or 'close male relative' would be less likely to mislead the theologians of future centuries."

Strange wimmin' distributin' swords

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:28:00 +0000

Speaking of Merlin, my search for the Wikipedia page on the TV series also turned up this interesting character:

" Merlin Hanbury-Tracy, 7th Baron Sudeley... was a very active member of the House of Lords for over thirty years... In 1985 he was elected a Vice-Chancellor of the International Monarchist League..."

Shouldn't that read something more like "In 1985, his army defeated the forces of all rival candidates for Vice-Chancellor of the International Monarchist League, after which he had them executed or imprisoned for treason, and their families exiled, and then declared that he had inherited the position by the grace of God"?

John Faa vs John Farson; or, King vs Republic

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:12:00 +0000

(WARNING - CONTAINS SPOILERS)

I've just finished reading a very lengthy, best-selling fantasy series. I was fortunate, in some ways, because I only started reading the first book after the last had been published, so - unlike many thousands of this writer's loyal fans - I wasn't left hanging in suspense for years, wondering if the final book in the promised series would ever be published (it was long overdue). The final opus is a fat bookshelf-buster, which loses some steam towards the end (especially in the final volume), but which at its best reaches the summit of fantasy writing.

The novels are filled with vivid, memorable scenes and ideas... alongside some clunky writing, padded chapters and embarrassing self-indulgence by the author, which I suppose you can get away with if you're a celebrity superstar.

Foremost, this opus - like Narnia, like Raymond E Feist's Magician, and like Alan Garner's Elidor -- is a travel-between-alternate-universes story. Another world, like our own Earth but not quite. Familiar words spelled differently (eg, replacing "e" with "ae" to get ye Olde Englishe atmosphere).

We follow the heroes' quest across many parallel worlds, seeking a mysterious citadel where the enemy sits enthroned.

The male hero carries a weapon of special power, re-forged from a magical blade. He has two fingers sliced off early in Book 2 of the series, and he has serious issues with his long-absent father. One of his allies, a former Catholic cleric who's lost faith in God, has been wandering - on foot - through rifts between worlds. These rifts are multiplying because the various universes are collapsing into chaos; the process is accelerating; spectral monsters are escaping through the cracks and preying on humans, consuming their brains. Our heroes must stop and reverse the collapse and restore the fabric of space/ time.

Innocent children are kidnapped and mutilated in a hidden scientific laboratory, until the good guys intervene and destroy it. In the devastated ruins of a once-great city, destroyed by the hubris of its own scientists, roving gangs prey on the visitors.

Giant sentient fighting bears make fearsome guards - but they have their own weaknesses, which our heroes can exploit. A talking animal companion provides some cuteness and comic relief. Children, hiding in cupboards after filching food from the castle cook, overhear plots to murder with poison.

One of the good guys - a quasi-cowboy whom, the author tells us explicitly, was inspired by spaghetti-western actor Lee Van Cleef [1] - wields the biggest, longest pistol anyone has ever seen, and reminisces about his alternate's world's version of the Battle of the Alamo. [2]

Characters quote a weirdly altered version of the King James Bible. The dominant religion is supposed to be Christian but doesn't bear much relationship to it in the world we know, apart from passing allusions to Methodist hymns.

Computerised machines are possessed by, and speak with the voices of, disembodied intelligences. Semi-visible spirit-beings desire sexual union with humans. Characters who die in one world wake up in another, parallel universe and live on. Tarot-like symbols can be read to prophesy the future.

The malevolent villain, known by many different names in different worlds, possesses some supernatural power but falls short of the godlike status he desires. In the end, he dies an undignified death.

The main character's mother, a promiscuous noblewoman, philanders with a supernatural villain. There's even a doomed teenage romance as well; young Will's destiny means he must be tragically separated from the girl he loves, forever, although he can never forget her. If Hollywood does (as anticipated) get around to filming the entire opus,[3] the two young lovers' ages will need to be discreetly revised upwards.

And finally, the author places great emphasis on a monosyllabic concept as an excuse for the most bare-faced plot short-cuts, coincidences, and dei ex machinis. But despite all this, I found myself addicted to reading the books in his Dark...

... Phillip Pullman? Who he? No, I'm talking about Stephen King's The Dark Tower heptology, of course.

Both King and Pullman acknowledge that it was Inklings who gave them the itch they needed to scratch. Pullman has famously excoriated CS Lewis for religious preachiness, ethnic and gender stereotyping, and glorification of death (which is rather like Quentin Tarantino attacking Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones for being excessively violent), whereas King reminisces fondly about his urge to write a Tolkien-inspired epic quest that wasn't just a Terry-Brooks-style Lord of the Rings knockoff. Watching spaghetti westerns inspired him to create the Gunslingers of the Barony of Gilead, descendants of King Arthur's knights who pack six-shooters instead of swords: The Good, the Bad, and the Uglûk, do ya please.

But what surprises me most is not so much the list of similarities (you can also spot several Dark Tower parallels with Firefly, for example),[4] but the fact that, amongst all the tens of thousands of words I've read discussing Pullman's three novels and King's seven, no one seems to have pointed this out. Try a Google search: most of what you get is book catalogues. They who read of Tull and they who read of Tullio seem to be nearly non-overlapping sets.

Both authors have found success through genre-blending. Pullman combines (largely successfully) Narnia-style talking animals fantasy with faux-19th century Jules Verne-style steampunk. King's great insight was that the Western - despite its veneer of gritty, unsentimental, taciturn realism - draws on much of the same iconography as mediaeval and fantasy fiction does. Horse-riding; dusty fields; desolate paddocks; failed harvests and reaptide bonfires; gallows; cows' and birds' skulls nailed to trees; Old Testament allusions; itinerant fighters, bound to a taciturn code of stoic chivalry; damsels in distress; counties and (cattle) barons; solemn, even high-falutin' diction.[5]

However, King does (to my mind) dilute the power of this iconography somewhat by moving from the Mid-World to our own prosaic Earth. (In the later novels, King even includes himself as a character - which highlights the silliness of the standard legal disclaimer, which prefaces all seven books, that "all characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental". He also portrays his near-killer, redneck road menace Bryan Smith, with savage parody - which is understandable, if not the height of chivalry). Robin Furth, who is to King what Bjo Trimble was to Gene Roddenberry (right down to publishing the official Concordance), has loyally defended her dinh's metafictional crossovers... but still, I have to say, the chapters set in backwoods Maine are not those I find myself opening to re-read again and again. And there can't be many epic fantasies where saving the universe from chaos involves not only shooting down vampires, mutants and robots but also travelling between parallel worlds and... setting up a corporation to buy a vacant lot in NYC: Lawyers, Guns and Manni, anyone?

However. It still moves. The only really annoying side-effect of reading the adventures of Roland Deschain (by the way, what sort of rough-riding cowboy has a poncy French name? Louis L'Amour, wire your office!) has ruined both ordinary fantasy and ordinary Westerns for me. Each, on its own, is now lacking. So these days, when I watch Sky One's Merlin, I'm thinking: "Where's Black Thirteen? When's Arthur going to melt down his sword to forge the Guns, or destroy the ancient war machines left by the Old Ones?" and if I watch HBO's Deadwood, I want to know what demons abide in speaking circles on the road to Spearfish, and which of the West'ard Baronies is plotting to annex the Black Hills of the Dakotas.

============================================

[1]     "Some [characters] just appear... Others I have to make up. Lee Scoresby, for instance: the Lee part comes from the actor Lee Van Cleef, who appeared in the Dollar films with Clint Eastwood, because I thought my Lee would look like him..." - Philip Pullman interview (2000).

"On a movie screen, projected through the correct Panavision lenses, [The Good, the Bad and the Ugly] is an epic to rival Ben-Hur. Clint Eastwood appears roughly eighteen feet tall, with each wiry jut of stubble on his cheeks looking roughly the size of a young redwood tree. The grooves bracketing Lee Van Cleef's mouth are as deep as canyons..." - Stephen King, "Introduction: On Being Nineteen (And A Few Other Things)," in The Dark Tower, Vol 1: The Gunslinger (2005 revised edition), p xiii.

[2]     In fact, the fansites dreamcasting JJ Abrams' anticipated Dark Tower screen adaptation seem to favour Sam Elliott (Lee Scoresby in the Golden Compass film, also the Marlboro Man cowboy guy in Say Thankya For Smoking) for the role of Steven Deschain, Roland's father.

My own first choice would have been John Costelloe, who played Jim "Johnny Cakes" Witowski (Vito's companion) in Season Six of The Sopranos. Costelloe has exactly the sad eyes, the painful thinness and the drooping handlebar moustache that King described; but in December 2008 he killed himself using, err, a gun.

So my next choice is Christopher "Dr Who #9" Eccleston - partly because he'd have the right note of melancholy, partly because it would be cool and self-referential in a Lawless-Stockwellian-Hatchian kind of way, and partly because Eccleston can be relied upon to pronounce both "Gunslinger" and "Stephen King" in a way that rhymes with "finger".

[3]     If JJ Abrams does go ahead and turn The Dark Tower into a film or a TV miniseries, I have a few scattered suggestions. (You listening, JJ? All SAG fees hereby waived, just include me in the credits.)

*       Gilead flashback scenes should be in sepia, a la the opening credits for True Blood. So, at the very beginning, we see an introductory scene where Arthur Eld is seated at a throne around the Round Table, with a dozen knights raising their swords to salute him. This dissolves/ morphs to a scene at the same table, and a dozen gunslingers in "modern" dress (long frock coats, American Civil War army jackets) raising their pistols to salute the (now empty) throne.

*       The Gunslingers' weapons, etc, should not be taken straight from the existing "Westerns" section of Props department, but should be subtly different - about 50% Western, yes but 30% mediaeval and 20% Eastern/ Japanese (reflecting the Arthurian and samurai echoes), eg, Roland's gun belt should be intricately tooled, like a Viking's sword belt, and he should be wearing the ragged remains of a Civil War-style military uniform under his Drizabone trenchcoat, with a small (largely ceremonial) metal breastplate over the top of his chest. His hat should be a battered US Cavalry-type with a badge showing the banner or sigul of Gilead - Llamrei, Arthur Eld's horse (like a stylised chess knight), rampant over two crossed pistols.

*       The theme song should be by Bruce Springsteen - either This Hard Land (1995) or else one composed by The Boss especially for the series (".... The world has moved on now/ the Beams, they are hollowed/ While the man in black fled/ And the Gunslinger followed"). A banjo-and-fiddles ballad, but with eerie Celtic pipes in the background, and a mediaeval-sounding lute or lyre (as in Dire Straits' Romeo and Juliet).

*       And on that note (so to speak): Susan Delgado should have an Irish or Welsh accent. Can't say why, she just should. Imagine, say, a younger Tara Fitzgerald speaking Susan's lines from Wizard and Glass with a Celtic lilt ("And you'll not be pert with me, sai Dearborn!").

[4]     It's ironic that the best two Westerns I've ever seen at the cinema weren't actually Westerns at all: The Two Towers and Serenity. Now that cigarette advertisements are banned, it's oddly ironic that the closest thing to the glorious vistas of the old Marlboro Country ads are brought to us by a director named Peter Jackson.

[5]     Daniel Grotta (no, that's not a Russian Hogwarts ripoff), in his JRR Tolkien: Architect of Middle Earth, mentions that, as an Oxford undergraduate, Tolkien was fascinated by tales told by Allen Barnett, an American fellow-student, about growing up in rural Kentucky. And certainly there's something very Huck Finn-ish about the Hobbits, especially as Jackson portrays them.

Until Kristen Stewart sprang with superhuman speed between him and the taxi, denting its metal hull but saving his life

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 02:23:00 +0000

Paul Chi and Lisa Ingrassia, "Robert Pattinson Hit by Taxicab," People Magazine (Thursday 18 June 2009)

"Have you read David Scrota?" "Uh, no... Iridology is just fine for diagnosing paranoia, thanks very much"

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 21:23:00 +0000

"... Am I crazy or does this preview make the show seem like a not-so-subtle fringe-right-wing criticism of Obama and Obama followers?..."

- David Scrota, "'V' - The Right's New Favourite TV Show, Or Inadvertent Proof of The Ubiquity of The Right's Fables?", Huffington Post (21 May 2009), URL: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-sirota/v-the-rights-new-favouri_b_206342.html

Fondly do We recall the watching of "The Fee" in mid-1984. The bright orange jumpsuits prefigured Guantanamo Bay, whereas the big-permed girl named Robin who got pregnant to an alien was ominous in a more specific sense. For those of you who have seen "Firefly/ Serenity", Inara (minus big perm) as the new Diana - this time named Anna, so presumably there's only one of her, not two - is a spin-out.

"I come in peace," it said, adding, after a long moment of further grinding, "take me to your Lizard."

Ford Prefect, of course, had an explanation for this, as he sat with Arthur and watched the non-stop frenetic news reports on television, none of which had anything to say other than to record that the thing had done this amount of damage which was valued at that amount of billions of pounds and had killed this totally other number of people, and then say it again, because the robot was doing nothing more than standing there, swaying very slightly, and emitting short incomprehensible error messages.

"It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see."

"You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?

"No," said Ford... "nothing so simple. Nothing anything like to straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."

"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."

"I did, said Ford. It is."

"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?"

"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want."

"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"

"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, of course.

"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"

"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in..."

- Douglas Adams, So Long - And Thanks For All The Fish (1984), Chapter 36.

(Fal)Staff Training Sessions

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 04:40:00 +0000

Prince Harry has been ordered by his British army bosses to enrol in an equality course after calling a fellow officer a "Paki". The 24-year-old is understood to have been formally disciplined by army chiefs for making the offensive remark and told he must realise his behaviour was unacceptable...

- "Prince Harry to attend equality course," NineMSN News (Thursday 12 February 2009)

One here pictures Hazza's tutor bowing low before him and saying "If it please Your Royal Highness, might I may be so bold as to venture to instruct your Royal Highness that the equality of all subjects - from the highest nobility down to the merest commoners - is deeply, deeply, embedded in the laws, usages and customs of Our Sovereign Lady Your Most Majestic Grandmother's realms, lands and dominions, wheresoever situate."

Because it's not always the red shirt who gets dismembered first

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 04:04:00 +0000

Problem A: younger offspring loved the figures from Wiggles [TM] keyboard so much that ended up pulling off the top half of Greg the Yellow, leaving him a legless corpse like the android Bishop. [*]

Problem B: older offspring loved various Wall.e toys so much (Wall.e being to our TV room floor what Elvis is to a typical Beenleigh pensioner's lounge room wall) that frequent dis-assembling thereof left one with a missing head - presumably vacuumed up weeks ago (dark grey being vary hard to see on the lino), and so gone forever.

Solution: a Greg/ Wall.e cybrid (cyborg hybrid) - with a curious resemblance to a sort of robotic Mr Tumnus....

[*] That's Lance Hendriksen's character in The Aliens (1986), not Baths.

Kylie Eleison

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 03:54:00 +0000

'Singer Kylie Minogue is so desperate to wed Spanish model Andrés Valencoso in a church she is considering converting to Catholicism. The 41-year-old singer reportedly has her heart set on a traditional church wedding and may adopt his faith in order to have the ceremony of her dreams...''

- "Kylie Minogue wants to convert to Catholicism for dream wedding", The Courier-Mail (15 June 2009)

Hmmm.... Australia's Sweetheart decides that the theological subtleties of Unam Sanctam are unimportant compared to the fact that she really, really loves her latest overseas heart-throb. I'm sure this will end well... I was going to say "At least this time there won't be any disparity of cult, if she converts", but apparently some Protestant UQ Medical Student referred to Scientology as a "cult" years ago and Tom Cruise has needed counselling for it ever since.

Nay, sai, 'twere Jack McCabe

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 08:16:00 +0000

"KUNG-FU cult hero David Carradine may have been killed by a secret society of martial arts assassins, his family's lawyer claims...."

- NEWS.com.au (8 June 2009)

Who the hey is my neighbour?

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 00:43:00 +0000

'HARE Krishnas and Baptists seem like odd neighbours but both religious groups are planning massive developments on land in the same short, pot-holed and overgrown street in Brisbane's southwest. Sundays in Seventeen Mile Rocks may never be the same again. Locals fear the imposing Hare Krishna temple, with its Indian-style architecture, three conical altars up to 15m high, restaurant, shop, and six accommodation "ashrams", will become an imposing blight on an escarpment overlooking the Rocks River Park. The escarpment has views all the way to Brisbane's CBD....'

- John McCarthy, "Hare Krishnas and Baptists may be neighours," Courier-Mail (1 June 2009)

Baptists and Hari Krishnae. One lot shave their hair short, bail you up in the street, and repeat repetitive phrases during their worship services, while the other... Anyway. Sounds like Seventeen Mile Rocks (or, as it is known to those who reject the Protestant heresy of "Sola Scriptura", Twenty-Three Mile Rocks) is nearly as theologically diverse these days as Cordelia Street.

The biggest colluder?

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Thu, 28 May 2009 11:42:00 +0000

There's the forgivable type of price-fixing cartel. And then there's the unforgivable type.

From JJ Adams to JJ Abrams, or: "First DeForest, then Urban" is not a zoning by-law

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Tue, 12 May 2009 00:20:00 +0000

(Warning: possible spoilers)

"Remember a movie called Forbidden Planet? It was made in 1956, long before Star Trek was ever conceived... Leslie Nielsen's JJ Adams and William Shatner's James T Kirk would be equally at home on each other's spaceships."
- David Gerrold, The World of STAR TREK (NY, Ballantine Books, 1973), pp 204-05.

Curiously, the last two films I've seen have related to Brother Gerrold's book:

Last week, Martian Child (2007) starring John Cusack, based on a fictionalized version of Gerrold's own life.

Then, this week, saw Star Trek XI and was, as the reviewers warned, blown away thereby. It's better even than First Contact, I'd say.

Only two flaws I could point to:

(a) one bi-i-i-g plot coincidence, in a scene that seemed to have been borrowed from Monsters Inc; and

(b) a problem not so much with this film on its own, as with its place in the ST canon as a whole. That is, most of the plot points in "XI" are good and make sense in this film, BUT have been used before in previous Trek films. Vengeful Ahab-like villain? Check (II, VII, X). Sinister Romulan with family issues, personal vendetta and enormous super-ship? Check (X, XI). Unstoppable alien force travels back in time? Check (VIII, XI). Heads towards Earth? Check (I, IV, VII, X). Starts huge ruckus in San Francisco Bay? Check (VI, X). And so forth.

Having said that, one can construct a similar list of similarities for, say, rebooted BSG (if you cite Trek DS9, Blade Runner and The Terminator, you've pretty much covered the field) yet that is not to deny that the re-user may come up with a much better production than the original.

Four more points of note:

*       Good to see Amanda - Spock's mother and she who is (wave arm benevolently in her general direction) Sarek's wife - wearing a head covering. As Jane Seymour proved playing Serina in the original BSG, a simple shawl/ scarf is successful in wholly nullifying a woman's sexual attraction to males.

*       The Quinto Element.

*       Sulu putting the "slash" into "Star Trek slash fiction". How weird is that?!

*       Now that Abrams has struck cinematic gold with Trek XI, he should get the go-ahead from the studio money men for his next project - Stephen King's Dark Tower, praise the Man Jesus.

Kingsryche

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 23:27:00 +0000

'Britain may allow the monarch to marry a Catholic and give female heirs an equal claim to the throne, the Government said, in what would be a reversal of discriminatory laws going back 300 years.... Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Queen Elizabeth have held talks on changing the 1701 law on succession to the throne that was drawn up at a time of widespread hostility to Roman Catholics.... The Act of Settlement bars royals from becoming king or queen if they "profess the popish religion or shall marry a papist"....'
- Reuters, "UK flags reversal of discriminatory monarch laws," ABC News (28 March 2009)

Vatican spokesperson Cardinal Aircraftcarria praised the move. "We are pleased that perfidious Albion has at last dragged itself into the 21st century", he was quoted as commenting. "Restricting the office of Head of State to a particular religion is as unacceptable as restricting it on the grounds of gender. Neither should be tolerated in the laws of any sovereign state."

"The much-married Newt Gingrich converts to Catholicism this weekend - and I'd pay a year's salary to have been a bug on the wall during his religious instruction....'

- Christopher Buckley, "The Audacity of Poping," The Daily Beast (26 March 2009)

At least that'll push the Herbert W Armstrongites off the first page of hits next time someone Googles "Catholicism + Beast".

Article #1 above will be good news to Catholics everywhere. It raises the intriguing possibility that, when the Airstrip One Regional Consultative Council (formerly the "UK Parliament") proscribes Love and Responsibility as "hate speech" in a couple of decades' time, the Royal Assent to the Bill could be given by a Catholic King or Queen.

On the other hand, as Article #2 shows, it also creates a risk of Noot the Grinch eventually taking the Throne at Westminster in a "King Ralph"-style comedy of errors.

Episode 5.1 title leaked...

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 03:10:00 +0000

"Dr Who and the Planet of the Pyramids of the Spiders from Life on Mars"

Now that's not wholly fair...

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 02:56:00 +0000

... it wasn't until "As If" that Sara really sold out to the commercial devil.

"Coal Mine Blamed For Causing Diarrhoea," NineMSN News (9 January 2009).

Leadership Beyond Politics

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:01:00 +0000

"The mother of Denmark's Prince Frederik tempted her son with two eligible European princesses in an attempt to lure him away from Tasmanian Mary Donaldson, a new book claims...."

"Romeo Dhakhotah" was already taken

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:25:00 +0000

"A Pennsylvania man has complained a local grocery store refused to decorate a birthday cake with his young son's name: Adolf Hitler Campbell. Heath Campbell, 35, who denies the Holocaust took place and decorated his home with swastikas and Nazi paraphernalia, said The ShopRite supermarket in Greenwich Township refused to print his son's name on a cake to mark his third birthday, the Harrisburg (Pennsylvania) Express-Times reported Monday. Campbell said the store has also refused to decorate cakes with his 1-year-old daughter's name -- JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell...."

- UPI News, "Store: No cake for Hitler" (15 December 2008)

"Och, yeer damned right theeere, mon", the supermarket's manager, Angus Ian MacDonald, told press Monday. "I'd sooner defile yon cake with tha poop of a wee doggie than with that accursed name - Campbell."

... And It Will All Happen Again

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:29:00 +0000

We've all seen Exhibit A a zillion times since August '08. Exhibit B,
however, shows that this thing is really getting out of hand....

Life, alas, imitates art

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 02:34:00 +0000

Well, kitsch pop art, anyway:

Clone Wars

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 13:13:00 +0000

Couple of thoughts on the new "Clone Wars" series (after seeing the
pilot at the movies, and chunks of the first 2 episodes on TV today):

1. Good move to take control off Lucas and let others have a crack at it - this was how "Star Trek" and "Battlestar Galactica" both improved enormously, by changing the guard (NPI) (and you don't even need Ron Moore to take over, as I earlier thought!).

2. Also good to have SW episodes that are just meant to be an entertaining Saturday-afternoon adventure serial - crashes on jungle planets, secret plans, kidnappings, battered spice freighters, pirates, etc - as it was originally supposed to be in 1977-78, unlike the films where, after 'ESB' in 1980, every episode had to be Great Art freighted with heavy moral and historic symbolism (ie, Joseph Campbell; Jedi Temple = 9/11; Anakin = Dubya Bush; etc). CW reminds me of the SW comics (Marvel, pre-Dark Horse, ie costing less than an actual horse) which I used to buy religiously (NPI) back in 1982-83. Intelligent good fun, but no pretensions. Screen science fiction is never going to be critically acclaimed like "Taxi Driver", no matter how waaaaay dark you make it. So just give us Senator Palpatine, not Senator Palatine.

3. Lucas would have put enormous attention into, eg, making the spaceships look a certain way (to pay homage to some obscure detail in "Forbidden Planet"), but would not have thought up the entertaining human character touches that Dave Filoni did - eg, that the Clone Troopers, despite being identical copies of Jake The Muss, have expressed their individuality by giving themselves different haircuts, from bald to Milhouse-style bleaches to Marines jarheads.

4. Don't confuse "Clone Wars" with "THE Clone Wars" - entirely
different Star Wars-based animated TV series. (That stray definite article can make a big difference. Ask Scorsese whether anyone went to see "God the Father, Part II").

PS: Speaking of The Godfather... "Filoni." "Jabba's wicked uncle plotting to have him killed." Hmmm.

"Beatles' Tribute to 'Father McKenzie'"

noreply@blogger.com (Tom R) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:05:00 +0000

"FOLLOWING last week's Guardian report on Northwich Memorial Hall's 40th birthday celebrations, tributes have poured in for one man who was at the heart of everything good during the early days. Tommy McKenzie was the hall's first compere and was responsible for bringing many of the top acts to perform at the venue. He lived in Rudheath, but originally came from Liverpool where he befriended The Beatles. Such was the bond between them, that the most famous band in music history called Tommy 'father'. The more avid Beatles fans will spot how much Tommy meant to the band. He was Father McKenzie in the song Eleanor Rigby..."

- "Beatles' Tribute to 'Father McKenzie'," Northwich Guardian (8 June 2000)

Let all men [sic] know, that this blog does not endorse non-centuries-old transgressions of Jesus' command in Matthew 23:9.