BaltAmour

Another reason it's cool to be single.

Wed, 14 May 2008 11:56:19 -0500

You're a social phenomenon.

What you say, you ask?

According to Helena Echlin at Chow, your dinner party will be better off if you invite at least a few (it must be more than one) single people. Coupled up people are boring old fogeys who lose that special something she calls "single person energy" when they pair up:

More on flirting

Mon, 12 May 2008 14:06:37 -0500

I kinda bumbled my way around last week's flirting post; here's another piece on flirting that is waaay better (and funnier) than mine, even though she only peripherally talks about flirting motivations (see: stereotypical meathead, accidental flirting).

Feel free to read the post, but for those who are too lazy to click the link, here's the funniest part:

The scene: Average and unremarkable guy who I have no intention of purposely flirting with walks towards me on his way to the bar. I note that he's wearing a navy blue version of the t-shirt I received when I volunteered for the Minneapolis Central Library opening.

Me: Hey! You're wearing a library shirt!
Guy in library shirt: I am!
Me: I have the same shirt. Mine's red, though.
GILS: Well how 'bout that? This is the first time I've worn mine.
Me: I wore mine to bed last night.
GILS: (...)
GILS: I think that's a little TMI. (Smiles, walks away.)

Love the accent!

Mon, 12 May 2008 13:30:33 -0500

This rant from the Angry German in Esquire is priceless. As a German living in America, he unloads about Americans' bias toward accented-folk, particularly the Brits, and particularly when it comes to sex appeal:

Women seem to take the English accent as an aphrodisiac. I can say, "Hey, I work for an investment bank, have my own place, and write a column in Esquire magazine" and get no response. Whereas butt-ugly Mr. Winterbottom to my side says, "Hey, I am on parole and need to buy some coke -- care to help me out?" As long as he says it with a Brit accent, it is guaranteed that she will go home with him and fund his cocaine addiction.

I will not hesitate to admit that an accent is incredibly appealing. I remember squealing with one of my friends in college when gave me the details on a promising love interest: "She's cute AND she has a British accent!" There's something about people who call elevators "lifts" and bathrooms "the loo" that makes them automatically cooler. (OK, I call bathrooms the loo too, but I don't sound half as cool as a Brit. Even when I try a British accent, it somehow comes out Southern. Don't ask.) Perhaps the James Bond movies have brainwashed us all to think British = hot, suave and cool?

However, an accent will get you only but so far -- Bad teeth? Out of here. Are you a jerk? No thank you.

It was the worst of times, It was the worst of times

Mon, 12 May 2008 11:29:08 -0500

It seems I've been hearing a good amount of bad date stories lately, so I figured I'd spread the joy. This week, for Friday Five, I'd like to hear your best bad date stories.

I've only been on one truly bad date. Veteran readers of this blog already know this story. It was my freshman year of college, and it taught me a valuable lesson: Never go on a date with someone you met at the club.

I had exchanged numbers with this guy (Mistake #1), and after talking, agreed to go out on a date on Valentine's Day (Mistake #2.) After my roommate and my suite-mate spent hours fussing over my hair and my outfit, homeboy picks me up. Nearly an hour late. (Bad sign #1.) Then, he decides to drive us to Red Lobster (hardly original), only to see that the place is packed and the wait is long.

We ended up eating at Applebee's -- why did we have to drive to Maryland for chain restaurants? Surely there were plenty of great, original, uncrowded places in D.C. -- an unremarkable meal that I've probably ended up blocking out. Then, on the way home, I remarked on his Powerpuff Girls pillow in his back seat (Bad sign #562). I like the Powerpuff Girls, I said, Buttercup is my favorite. Things started to look promising as we talked about the show, but then he veered off onto a dark path.

Mr. Fabulous began to talk about the time when he dropped out of school and spent every day at home watching cartoons. And then he went on and on and on about how Dragonball Z changed his life and inspired him to get out of the house and go back to school. As the conversation wore on, I contemplated opening the passenger-side door and trying that tuck and roll thing out of his speeding car.

Anyhoo, I know you can do better than that. Give me your worst!

Thanks, Mom!

Fri, 09 May 2008 12:30:42 -0500

I was talking about love, relationships, parents and their influence on the first two last night with co-workers. And as we talked meddlesome parents, I shared what my mother said to me a few years ago (I'm paraphrasing, but the spirit is true):

"I won't tell you who not to date. I'll let you make your own mistakes and I'll be there to pick up the pieces, if necessary."

The hands-off approach can be a little harsh, but in the grand scheme of things, I think it's the best approach. You have to push the bird out of the nest sometime. (And sometimes more than once.)

So, in that spirit or momular wisdom, here's the best five bits of mom-related love advice:

No more 'Talk Sex'

Fri, 09 May 2008 11:30:11 -0500

According to the Associated Press, Sunday's airing of Oxygen's Talk Sex, a late-night call-in talk show about, well, sex, will be the last one.

I can't say I was a regular watcher, but it was a fun show to stumble upon around midnight. Septagenarian Sue Johanson -- I was hoping she was in her 60s, so I could say "sexagenarian," but alas, she's 77 (!) -- is a great joy to watch, and I learned a lot more about sex from her than I did my own grandmother (and thankfully so).

One of the things Johanson says she's gonna miss about the show: "I'm going to miss playing with sex toys."

A bit of Friday fun

Fri, 09 May 2008 10:55:18 -0500

I got an e-mail from BaltAmour reader Lisa yesterday:

I read your blog quite often and even though it doesn't really fall into the recent categories, though this might be of interest to you. Everyone who has passed it on to me thought it was great. The Dating Persona Test one is pretty good.

The test is through OK Cupid, but you don't have to join to take it. It's pretty interesting, apart from a not-so-nice suggestion to those who have STDs (it's a link to eHarmony). According to the test, I'm The Sudden Departure, a Random Brutal Love Master (the picture at right is of my exact opposite, The Intern):

What's my flirting motivation?

Fri, 09 May 2008 10:21:17 -0500

The other night, while out with friends the other night, we got into a somewhat heated conversation about flirting.

It started because I mentioned that Boyfriend is a Flirty McSmiley, to which he begged ignorance. He's just a friendly guy, he said. Ignorance or no, his friendly behavior -- mostly to people in the service industry -- comes off as flirty, I said, which I find hilarious to watch. (He swears he's not a smoothie, but it's so funny to watch him pour on the charm.)

But then the tables were turned, which is when it got interesting: Sure, he may flirt to smooth the edges with the lady at the front desk or the waitress who's serving his food, but it's still low-grade compared to women, the men of the group said. What about women? Women are way more confusing, because they flirt for a number of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with the man you're flirting with. Among the reasons:

A shy pioneer

Thu, 08 May 2008 12:13:14 -0500

Mildred Loving and her husband, Richard, in 1965.
(Associated Press)

We had a small mention of it in The Sun on Tuesday, but I realized this morning that I could give it better play on here: Mildred Loving, one half of the couple behind Loving vs. Virginia, the case that struck down laws against interracial marriage, died Friday. She was 68.

I will not eulogize her on this site, I'll leave it to the L.A. Times. However, I will advocate, as Anica did last year, Loving Day, which is June 12. Forty years ago last year, people were finally able to legally love (and marry) whoever they chose, thanks to Mildred and Richard Loving.

Break-up victory

Wed, 07 May 2008 11:08:32 -0500

The other day, I read a post that struck a nerve. Newmie, over at The World According to Newmie, wrote (with a bit of colorful language) about running into an ex. In their brief encounter, she remembered all the reasons they broke up and left wondering why she was so silly to love him in the first place.

It made me smile, because I've been there. Heck, we've all been there.

Single Maryann, for the most part, is a piner (read: scaredy cat). I was particularly good at this in college, where I would dream and sigh and, well, pine, for someone who (sometimes) had no idea I was into them. When I finally would reveal myself, it often ended up disastrously, mainly because silly Maryann had built up the relationship before it happened. (And because, the other person sometimes, believe it or not, didn't like me in that way.)

At any rate, I treasure those moments when I can see someone I used to *die* over and can now see them without the glow of infatuation, just as a regular person who is not worth flinging myself over a bridge for. Those "Why did I think you were the best thing since sliced bread" moments are priceless.

I try not to think about people who have those moments over me. :)

But how about you? Anyone have break-up victory stories?

(Photo by ademkader at stock.xchng)

Does this really work?

Tue, 06 May 2008 11:42:46 -0500

I'm checking my e-mail, chatting with friends this morning, and I receive this message through AIM (direct your eye to the red circle in the left-hand corner):

This week's five

Tue, 06 May 2008 10:36:43 -0500

In honor of upcoming Mother's Day -- don't forget your gifts!! -- I figured I'd honor moms. What's the best (or worst) love advice mom (or mother figure) has given you?

For Smokey Robinson, it was "You better shop around." For me, the most memorable was, "Don't get married too young!" (My mother got married in college and was divorced by 32.)

How bout you? What's the smartest, funniest, craziest love advice your mother has ever given you?

(Photo by barunpatro at stock.xchng)

Are outgoing girls out?

Mon, 05 May 2008 12:40:40 -0500

I'm cribbing off of iVillage today because the answers surprised me, and, well, I wanted to check back on their work.

In the Love section, they asked two guys, one described as "A Career Man," and another described as "Life of the Party," whether men prefer shy and reserved women or outgoing women.

Though Life of the Party hemmed and hawed, he basically said that men prefer shy girls. Men like the challenge, they both said.

Is this true? Sure, personality and looks count, too, but given two identical women, apart from their introversion/extroversion, does the introverted woman get the guy?

Pick-up of the week

Mon, 05 May 2008 11:55:28 -0500

As I walked to Brewer's Art the other night, I walked past a liquor store where three guys were posted up outside. I saw them way before I got there, so I had prepared myself for the onslaught.

As I walked past, one of the guys goes, "Hey Amelia*! How you doing? Hey Amelia! Hey Amelia!"

As he is repeating this girl's name, I give him a look that says, "Hey, that's not my name." But homeboy continues until I've nearly passed, then changes tactics: "You're not gonna stop and chat? I love your fro."

Now, did this guy truly think I was this girl (I hear there's a girl around town who looks like me), or was this the classic throw-out-a-random-name pick-up?

(Photo by ioneq at stock.xchng -- I like *his* fro.)

____
* I just threw out a random name; I can't remember what it was exactly.

Is monogamy dead?

Mon, 05 May 2008 11:03:29 -0500

According to Marguerite Fields, a junior at Marlboro College in Vermont, monogamy is a rare bird these days for college students. In her essay, she details the string of men she's been involved with, from those she was just interested in, to the men she messed around with, to dates -- but never boyfriends. According to Fields, the lines are so fuzzy these days that people shy away from THE line into Boyfriend.

It's an interesting idea, which leads to some funny stories:

So, a few days after the chat with my mom, when I found myself downtown drinking tea with my friend Steven, I asked him what he thought about dating. He has a long-term girlfriend, and I was curious how he viewed their relationship.
“The main thing,” he said, “is I don’t mind if she sleeps with other people. I mean, she’s not my property, right? I’m just glad I get to hang out with her. Spend time with her. Because that’s all we really have, you know? I don’t want her to be mine, and I don’t want to be anybody’s.”
I sucked my teeth and looked over at the next table, where two men sat opposite each other. One looked over his shoulder and gave me a closed-mouth grin.
Steven explained that it’s not a question of faithfulness but of expectation. He can’t be expected not to want to sleep with other people, so he can’t expect her to think differently. They are both young and living in New York, and as everyone in New York knows, there’s the possibility of meeting anyone, everywhere, all the time.

I'm sorry, this is crazy to me. When I was in college, though there were plenty of swinging singles who preferred to stay that way -- especially men, who had their pick at a school where they were outnumbered by at least 2:1 -- but there were also plenty of people who were willing to stick with one guy or girl. And that didn't mean just until they saw someone else who caught their eye.

Of course, perhaps my perspective is a little skewed. At that point, I was dating mostly women (I know the old lesbian joke: "What does a lesbian bring on a second date?" "A U-Haul.") and perhaps much has changed in the four years I've been out of school. (At least one person in Baltimore seems to agree with the fuzzy logic on monogamy.)

Am I old and out of touch? Is monogamy passe among college kids? (Or even older folks?)