The Film Minion

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 10-1

2013-02-21T08:49:00.001-05:00

Scene from Ordinary People courtesy
of imageshack.us

Well, we've reached the pinnacle. Scratch that. We've reached the spot just behind the pinnacle. I suppose this is the list of penultimate Oscar Best Picture nominees - the ones that came up just short for one reason or another. These are the films that have either gone down in history as iconic in their own right, will always be viewed as the true "best picture" or their years without the trophy, or simply marked a moment in Oscar history that will always be documented as an important one. Well, here they are. The top ten.

#10. Chinatown (1974)

Lost to: The Godfather Part II

Well, no one will argue that it should have won, but still. Roman Polanski's film made a true leading man out of Jack Nicholson. It grabbed eleven nominations, only taking home one. That being said, that one was for Original Screenplay, written by Robert Towne, which may be the greatest even written. Entire courses could be taught on this screenplay alone and Polanski and his actors delivered a perfect translation of it to the screen. Also starring Faye Dunaway and the great John Huston, the story of power and corruption still stands as one of the greatest films of the 1970's (or any decade for that matter). It's just a shame it ran into the greatest movie sequel of all time.

#9. Cabaret (1972)

Lost to: The Godfather

Seems weird, doesn't it? Well, the Liza Minnelli vehicle is on this list for one important reason: it won the most Oscars of all time without taking home the big one. Cabaret grabbed ten nominations and won eight of them, including Best Actress for Minnelli, Best Supporting Actor for Joel Grey, and Best Director for Bob Fosse. In most other years, it may have walked away with Best Picture, but it was up against quite possibly the greatest American film ever made. It had a great pedigree - Fosse directed the Broadway version of "Chicago" and brought his songwriters with him for Cabaret. But Francis Ford Coppola's masterpiece was too much to overcome.

#8. Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Lost to: Crash

I'll go on record right now and say that I am not as big a fan of this film as most people. That being said, the divide between critics and the Academy was never so visible than it was in 2005, when the Oscar went to a hyperlink film about race relations in Los Angeles instead of a groundbreaking film about gay cowboys. Ang Lee's Brokeback Mountain was a force to be reckoned with - critics loved it and it broke barriers in terms of a mainstream film taking a look at such a touchy subject. It gave the world a collection of young stars - Heath Ledger, Jack Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway, Michelle Williams - that would become the future of the industry. But, in the end, the topic may have been a little too risque and the award went to the much more audience friendly film packed full of A-list stars. The late Ledger's role as The Joker may be his defining performance, but his work here as Ennis is uncompromisingly subtle and complicated.

#7. Jaws (1975)

Lost to: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

The summer blockbuster didn't really exist until 1975, when a young filmmaker named Steven Spielberg unleashed a shark upon the world. Jaws didn't get as much Oscar love as you would think - only four nominations and three wins (Film Editing, Original Score, Sound), but the lack of recognition for Spielberg in the directing category was a surprise and would begin a strange trend for his films. Eight Spielberg films have been nominated for Best Picture - only one has won (Schindler's List). Spielberg himself has only won two Best Director Oscars, for Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan. It's just another example of a director viewed by most as one of the greatest of all time, but without the hardware to back it up. If you're asking me, while Jaws may not have "deserved" the Oscar in 1975 (Milos Forman's adaptation of Ken Kesey's novel is a brilliant film), it's still his best film.

#6. The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Lost to: Gone with the Wind

We already talked about one other loser from 1939 (Mr. Smith Goes to Washington), but it pales in comparison to this mammoth of a film. While Frank Capra's story of a greater America is inspiring, it will never match the impact this classic film made on the world. The Wizard of Oz was nominated for six Oscars, winning two (Original Score, Original Song), somehow missing out on any technical awards (though, to be fair, they were in their infancy at the time). Director Victor Fleming shapes a dream-like story of a young girl's trip to Oz - a magical world with a tin man, a scarecrow, and a lion all searching for the one thing they believe will complete them each. The three of them and Dorothy (Judy Garland) journey along the yellow brick road to meet the wizard and escape the Wicked Witch of the West, accompanied by Toto the dog. It's great family fun and has since been only expanded in its mythology. But, let's be honest. Nothing was going to beat Gone with the Wind.

#5. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Lost to: Shakespeare in Love

Steven Spielberg's highest rated film on the list may not be his best, but it was the most unexpected loser, for sure. From Saving Private Ryan's premiere, it was exalted for its realism, honesty, and true depiction of warfare, specifically the scenes on the beaches of Normandy. Nominated for eleven Oscars and taking home five (including Best Director), the war epic still suffered from some of the typical Spielberg tropes (the final act is a bit melodramatic, for sure). It was chosen as the front-runner early on, but, in the end, the Academy chose a lighthearted comedy named Shakespeare in Love, about the young playwright's love affair. It was early proof that the Weinsteins (Miramax) were a lobbying force to be reckoned with, pushing their little love story to Best Picture (and a Best Actress award for Gwyneth Paltrow).

#4. Citizen Kane (1941)

Lost to: How Green Was My Valley

It's widely identified as the greatest American film of all time. It was a labor of love and obsession by one of the industry's greatest directors at such a young age. It was a cutting attack on the newspaper industry veiled as a fictional biopic. But, while 99% of film enthusiasts may look at this as one of the biggest travesties of all time, this was never unexpected. Citizen Kane has aged more gracefully than any film. As time has gone on, the respect and admiration for what Orson Welles created has grown and blossomed. But, in 1941, John Ford's How Green Was My Valley taking home the top prize was not a surprise. It didn't incite riots. No one set the theater ablaze out of anger and frustration. It was just early proof that, regardless of how much weight we put on the Oscars, they mean nothing when debating what films are truly "great."

#3. Raging Bull (1980)

Lost to: Ordinary People

We've seen what felt like the Oscars vs. Steven Spielberg saga in a few places on this list, but a much larger, more obvious battle was a longstanding divide between the Academy and the great Martin Scorsese. Beginning in 1976 with Taxi Driver, Scorsese had four films nominated for Best Picture before finally winning in 2006 with The Departed, though he made plenty of other Oscar-worthy films during that span. This film was the second of those losers, but the first that was the overwhelming favorite. Raging Bull was a tour-de-force for Robert De Niro and one of the most intense, honest films that revolved around a sport of all time. But it was exceedingly dark and painful to watch as Jake LaMotta's downward spiral was captured fully by Scorses and Michael Chapman's black and white cinematography. Raging Bull grabbed eight nominations, only winning two (Best Actor, Best Film Editing). But, its loss to Robert Redford's family drama Ordinary People has gone down as one of the biggest surprises (and disappointments) in Oscar history.

#2. Goodfellas (1990)

Lost to: Dances with Wolves

Martin Scorsese had already been "cheated" by the Academy once, with the previous entry on this list. Ten years later, he collaborated with author Nicholas Pileggi to adapt his novel Wiseguys into the motion picture that would become Goodfellas. Starring Ray Liotta, Joe Pesci, Robert De Niro, Paul Sorvino, and Lorraine Bracco, the true life mob story of a gangster-turned-informant portrayed protagonist Henry Hill as a kid looking for an opportunity to "be someone" in a world that was defined by this set of criminals. Eventually, his entry into that world slowly destroys him and the people he loves, forcing him to turn his back on a life he would still go back to in a heartbeat. Nominated for six Oscars (winning just one - Best Supporting Actor for Pesci), Goodfellas has long been regarded as one of the biggest Oscar misses of all time. Kevin Costner's sweeping, yawn-inducing western Dances with Wolves took home the gold (along with six other wins and twelve total nominations). Liotta was never better, De Niro found a new place in cinema, and Pesci gave a juggernaut of a performance in, ironically, the same year he would be bested by a pre-teen (Home Alone). Goodfellas took a mob story, made it a personal character study, and only sits behind The Godfather, Parts I and II in the pantheon of gangster films. Which is ironic, because it was also nominated against The Godfather Part III, and awful, awful film. Goodfellas may not be Scorsese's best film, but it damn sure should have a Best Picture Oscar.

#1. Star Wars (1977)

Lost to: Annie Hall

And so it comes to this. Sometimes, a film defines a genre. Sometimes it defines a fan base. Other times, it defines an entire movement of culture. In 1977, George Lucas crafted this first film in a trilogy that would essentially change the world. Star Wars was something different: a western set in space. The Lucas formula used interesting characters and an expanded mythology to create what felt more like a comic book issue for the silver screen. It grabbed ten total nominations, winning six (all in technical or music categories). It lost out on the big prize, Best Director, Supporting Actor (Alec Guinness), and Original Screenplay. It wasn't a huge surprise - the Academy wasn't quite at the stage to truly accept a genre film. Fast forward to 2013. Now Disney owns the rights to make more Star Wars films, after George Lucas finally phased himself out, before he could destroy his creation further. Regardless of what happens from now on, the original trilogy and, more specifically, the film that kicked it off, holds a place in society as one of the most important cultural events of the last fifty years. Should it have won? Not sure. Annie Hall is a really good movie.

Well, that's it. Feel free to comment.

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 20-11

2013-02-04T08:09:00.000-05:00

Scene from Rocky courtesy of
thatfilmguy.com

Finally, we made it to the top twenty. From here, we have a mix of the biggest surprise losers of all time with films that have gone down in history as some of the greatest, yet still didn't win the big one. Again, this isn't a best of list - it's a look at the Oscars as an institution, which films deserved the award, which ones got unlucky to be up against greater films, and which ones were adored by the Academy, taking home plenty of gold, sans the biggest of them all. Here are numbers 20 through 11.

#20. The Exorcist (1973)

Lost to: The Sting

Crammed in between two Best Picture wins for Francis Ford Coppola's Godfather films was an interesting little year that rewarded another pairing of Robert Redford and Paul Newman (trivia: The Sting's Julia Phillips is the first time female producer to ever win Best Picture). The other big landmark - the first time a purely horror film was nominated for Best Picture. The Exorcist was nominated for ten Oscars, winning for Sound and Adapted Screenplay. The horrifying story of a young girl possessed was, rumor has it, cursed as they tried to complete the film. This film about the struggle between faith and sin is possibly the most important horror film of all time.

#19. Avatar (2009)

Lost to: The Hurt Locker

The year after The Dark Knight and WALL-E missed out on Best Picture nominations, the Academy decided to change the rules and allow ten nominees. It didn't necessarily change anything, because the race still ended up being between two films: a little indie drama about a bomb diffuser in Iraq and the biggest box office hit of all time. A weird twist - the directors of each film were formerly married. On Oscar night, the Academy made the bold choice to go with The Hurt Locker, shunning "Pocahontas in Space," AKA Avatar. Oscar went to a dark, infectious film instead of a amusement park ride. Good for them. While it may not have been an "upset," it was still an important moment to see the highest grossing film of all time walk away without the big prize.

#16. (tie) Network/All the President's Men/Taxi Driver (1976)

Lost to: Rocky

I had no choice to go with a tie here. Look at that gauntlet of films. And they all lost to a sports movie about an underdog boxer. Now, Rocky is a good movie - it grabbed ten nominations. Sylvester Stallone was only the third person ever to be nominated for Acting and Writing in the same year (the other two are Orson Welles and Charles Chaplin...not bad company). But, you have to assume that the three films here split the vote. Network is a cutting satirical drama about the TV industry. All the President's Men is the brilliantly written and acted story of the Watergate Scandal. Taxi Driver is the ultimate story of urban paranoia. Between the three of them, they were nominated for 22 Oscars, winning eight. And, if you ask me, each holds up much better than the Best Picture winner.

#14. (tie) The Shawshank Redemption/Pulp Fiction (1994)

Lost to: Forrest Gump

Another important year in the history of cinema saw one of the most competitive races. And yes, I cheated and went with another tie. Deal with it. The Shawshank Redemption has become one of the beloved films of all time, still sitting at #1 on IMDBs top 250 films. Pulp Fiction gave birth to a new filmmaking formula, when Quentin Tarantino broke every rule to tell a twisted, but wholly entertaining thinly veiled film noir. But when the envelope was opened, the award went to a lighthearted epic about a handicapped man whose life reads like a history book. Forrest Gump is a nice movie - extremely enjoyable and re-watchable. But the two movies it beat have had much greater social and industrial impacts that it can ever imagine. But, stupid is as stupid does, I suppose.

#13. A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)

Lost to: An American in Paris

Playwright Tennessee Williams worked with iconic director Elia Kazan to bring his play A Streetcar Named Desire to the screen. Williams wrote the screenplay for his stage play and Kazan directed a stellar cast that grabbed twelve nominations, including one in all four acting categories. Oscars went to Karl Malden, Kim Hunter, and Vivien Leigh, though Marlon Brando - the biggest name of the bunch - missed out on an award. Then, when the big announcement came, they handed the statuette to a musical starring Gene Kelly. It was light. It was colorful. It wasn't nearly as dark as Streetcar was. Streetcar has gone down in history as an acting class, to say the least.

#12. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1980)

Lost to: Ordinary People

In retrospect, it may not have deserved the award and certainly wasn't the biggest surprise of that year (coming up soon!). But, given the impact Steven Spielberg's essential adventure film has made on the entire industry, there is no reason to think that Raiders of the Lost Ark isn't one of the most important films to go home without a Best Picture win. The first of a film series that has slowly gotten worse, Raiders was the first film to put Harrison Ford on an island (figuratively). The man who first appeared in American Graffiti and stole the show in Star Wars as Han Solo got to headline a film and blew it out of the water. The film may have become more myth than substance, given its epic reputation, but Spielberg's mix of action sequences and wit in this film is rarely approached in the industry today.

#11. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)

Lost to: In the Heat of the Night

Finally, we hit the last of the film on this list from 1967, one of the greatest years in film history. While The Graduate redefined sex in the movies and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner and In the Heat of the Night tackled issues about race that few films would approach, it was Arthur Penn's ultra violent (at the time) story of historic bank robbing couple Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow that may have broken the biggest barriers. Nominated for ten Oscars and winning for Cinematography and Supporting Actress (Estelle Parsons), Bonnie and Clyde changed the way not only violence was portrayed on screen, but managed to embed it within an interesting discussion of masculinity and relationships. The movie may have centered around bank robbers, but the real root of the film was how Bonnie and Clyde played off each other as a couple and the complexity of their courtship. Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty played the leads like the masters they are and helped create one of the finest films of the 60's or any decade.

Let's keep on trucking to the top ten. Now it gets fun.

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 30-21

2013-01-30T08:04:00.002-05:00

Scene from Titanic courtesy
of movpins.com

We're at the halfway point as we move through the films that fell just short of Oscar glory. In this section, we see a lot more recent films alongside a few hidden gems from the 1930's and 1940's. Again, not a best of list. We have "snubs," surprises, and a few landmark films that deserve mention. A few of these films are even widely considered the greatest of their respective years, but fell short on the final podium. Let's look at numbers 30 through 21.

#30. Apollo 13 (1995)

Lost to: Braveheart

In 1995, director Ron Howard brought a true life story of hope in the face of peril and started sweeping up awards. He won the Directors Guild Award. He won the Producers Guild Award. He won the Screen Actors Guild Ensemble Award. He lost the Golden Globe Drama to Sense and Sensibility, though he was nominated. Nothing could beat Apollo 13. Oscar night came and the Academy decided to hand the award to Mel Gibson's historical epic about William Wallace, whose only precursor award was a surprise directing win at the Golden Globes. I'm not saying Apollo 13 is a greater film than Braveheart. It's just proof that even the mighty may fall if a charismatic actor/director is at the helm.

#29. L.A. Confidential (1997)

Lost to: Titanic

Curtis Hanson's neo noir wasn't the only quality loser from 1997 (Good Will Hunting, As Good As It Gets), but the lesson here was a clear one: if you make enough money, nothing can beat you. Critical societies had clearly chosen L.A. Confidential as the best film of 1997, but James Cameron's biggest blockbuster in history (at the time) had too much momentum and two stars that everyone loved. Titanic was gigantic - a movie that steamrolled everything in its path at the Oscars, regardless how lazy the film seemed and how dependent upon special effects it was. People spent in droves to see it proving that box office numbers really mattered. In 2009, the Academy would partially right their wrong by choosing the better film over another Cameron behemoth, but L.A. Confidential still missed out on the award it rightly deserved.

#28. Apocalypse Now (1979)

Lost to: Kramer vs. Kramer

War movies are very hit and miss in Hollywood. When you hit dead center on a war movie at the right time period, you can knock it out of the park. Then there are those films that get better with age, when viewers are separated from the era in which the films were released. Such is the case of Francis Ford Coppola's re-imagination of Joseph Conrad's classic novel Heart of Darkness. Apocalypse Now is a war film unlike any other, keeping its cards close to the chest and speaking of the brutality of war and the effect it has on a man's psyche in a way that feels queasy. The search for Colonel Kurtz (Marlon Brando) is terrifying enough; then you meet him and the darkness surrounds the film. The Academy went with a divorce/custody battle drama starring Meryl Streep and Dustin Hoffman and, at the time, I wouldn't blame them. But Apocalypse Now has gone down as one of the most disturbing, cynical views of combat ever.

#27. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

Lost to: Gladiator

It wasn't the first and certainly won't be the last foreign film to be nominated for Best Picture, but it will be tough to top the total accolades thrown its way. The Academy tossed ten nominations the way of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Ang Lee's imaginative adaptation of Du Lu Wang's book of the same name. Starring Chow Yun-Fat, Michelle Yeoh, and Ziyi Zhang, this high-flying story of the search for a fugitive and a stolen sword is a parable of feminism set against the backdrop of samurai warriors and insane acrobatics. It took home Oscars for Foreign Language Film, Score, Cinematography, and Art Direction - something unheard of for a foreign film.

#26. E.T. the Extra Terrestrial (1982)

Lost to: Gandhi

Steven Spielberg's career arc is fascinating. In the 1970's he made some very gritty, very interesting films that didn't do much to pander to audience. Then 1982 came and Spielberg gave the world a modern fairy tale about friendship and what it means to be an outsider. E.T. grabbed nine total nominations, winning four (Sound Effects Editing, Visual Effects, Score, and Sound). Movies that center on children aren't typically Academy fare and, while the Steven Spielberg touch helped here, in the end the Academy chose Richard Attenborough's Gandhi, with a dominating performance from Ben Kingsley. But E.T. shaped how Spielberg would make films for the next ten years, with a growing focus on pleasing the audience, rather than telling a meaningful story. He broke that streak with Best Picture winner Schindler's List, but a large piece of his fan base still looks at this one as his greatest triumph and most personal film.

#25. The Graduate (1967)

Lost to: In the Heat of the Night

Another loser from 1967 (what a year) that has stood up as a brilliant look at growing up, love, and what a strange thing sex can be. Starring Dustin Hoffman in his first real star-making performance, this Mike Nichols directed comedy treated sex and relationships as a driving force of hilarity and awkwardness, something rarely done so directly before. When Ben (Hoffman) falls in with his parents' friend Mrs. Robinson (Anne Bancroft), he eventually finds himself drawn to her daughter Elaine (Katharine Ross), much to Mrs. Robinson's dismay. The film grabbed seven nominations and surprisingly won the Best Director Oscar for Nichols, his only win. Regardless, of the 1967 nominees, The Graduate probably has aged the best and seems to have made this biggest cultural impact, but most of that is due to the soundtrack from Simon & Garfunkel.

#24. Le Grande Illusion (1937)

Lost to: You Can't Take It With You

What's a French Jean Renoir film from 1937 doing on a definitive list like this? It only received one Oscar nomination, although it was for the big one. Well, Le Grande Illusion was the first foreign language film to ever be nominated for Best Picture, widening the reach of the Academy dramatically. The first Best Foreign Language Film Oscar wasn't presented until 1957; though, between 1947 and 1955, the Academy presented Honorary Awards to films they felt were worth it. There have now been nine foreign language films nominated for Oscars, but the first after this film was 1969 (Z) - 32 years between them. Taking all this into account, it's also worth mentioning that it is still one of the most evidently anti-war films ever made from one of France's great masters.

#23. The Great Dictator (1940)

Lost to: Rebecca

Charlie Chaplin has gone down in history as one of the greatest screen legends of all time, though he never received much award recognition. Most of this was due to the lighthearted themes of most of his films and the fact that the Academy was still in its infancy. In 1940, Chaplin's The Great Dictator grabbed his lone nomination for Best Picture (he was also nominated for Best Actor). The film grabbed a total of five nominations, winning none. But, for a man who spent the majority of his life on screen completely silent, this satirical take down of Adolf Hitler and the Third Reich is a fascinating look at Chaplin in a speaking part, most memorably in a final monologue that is, more or less, Chaplin the man voicing his political opinions in a weary world.

#22. Fargo (1996)

Lost to: The English Patient

Joel and Ethan Coen debuted in 1984 with Blood Simple, a modern film noir that was only a taste of what they could do. They dabbled in dark comedy and more crime drama throughout the 80's and early 90's, eventually coming to this, a true crime story of an inept car salesman's plan to extort money from his father-in-law, only to see it fall apart while a pregnant cop is on the trail. Fargo was a revelation - a brilliant piece of storytelling that felt like a foreign film, but remained purely American. It was a near perfect film that grabbed seven nominations and was all but the Best Picture of 1996, until an Anthony Minghella directed British period drama swooped in and took the award. The Coen Brothers would eventually win a Best Picture with No Country for Old Men, but Fargo was the first film that got this close.

#21. Sunset Blvd. (1950)

Lost to: All About Eve

Billy Wilder showing his range again, this time with a film that feels like a horror film. Sunset Blvd. grabbed eleven nominations, winning three (Score, Black and White Art Direction, Writing). Wilder's masterpiece has gone down as one of the most brilliant, claustrophobic tales of lost glory and fear, with Gloria Swanson giving one of the most unsettling performances of all time against strong work from William Holden. Unfortunately, it was also the year of Joseph Mankiewicz's behemoth All About Eve - fourteen nominations is tough to beat. Both films were cynical looks at show business with surprisingly similar themes - how Hollywood can destroy a person's soul, creating a warped sense of self-importance and selfishness. But, All About Eve was an easier film to swallow, despite star Bette Davis and Swanson both missing out on a Best Actress Oscar (Judy Holliday in Born Yesterday).

Coming soon: we hit the top 20. It only gets better from here. Not that it hasn't been great so far. Right? Is anybody reading this?

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 40-31

2013-01-28T11:02:00.000-05:00

Scene from How Green Was My Valley
courtesy of didyouseethatone.com

Last entry, we had some timeless classics. This time, we get more, along with a few landmark nominations. Again, this isn't a best of list - it's a look at the Oscars as an institution, which films deserved the award, which ones got unlucky to be up against greater films, and which ones were adored by the Academy, taking home plenty of gold, sans the biggest of them all. This section of the list includes my first cheat - a tie - which I repeat a few more times. You'll see why. Here are numbers 40 through 31.

#40. Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Lost to: Silence of the Lambs

1991 was the first time an animated film ever grabbed a nomination for Best Picture with Disney's version of Beauty and the Beast. The film also picked up nominations for sound, Original Score (for which it won) and three - count 'em THREE - for Best Original Song, the Oscar going to the title song. The film never really had a chance of winning (though this was one rare year where the Academy went exceedingly dark with their winner), but its inclusion was the first step toward a wider range of films getting a chance and the creation of the eventual Best Animated Film category.

#39. The Maltese Falcon (1941)

Lost to: How Green Was My Valley

1941 would one day become one of the most notorious Oscar upsets, but not because of this film, however brilliant it is (the other film is much higher on the list). The Maltese Falcon grabbed three nominations for Picture, Screenplay, and Supporting Actor for Sidney Greenstreet - no wins. Humphrey Bogart wasn't even recognized for what would become one of his signature performances. Throw in another great supporting performance from Peter Lorre and you've got a cast that deserved more than one measly acting nod. Apparently the Academy didn't consider it to be the stuff dreams are made of (I couldn't resist).

#37 (tie) On Golden Pond/Reds (1981)

Lost to: Chariots of Fire

Now, for my first tie. 1981 was easily one of the stranger years for the Oscars. Five films - one from a budding filmmaking master named Steven Spielberg (you'll see it later), one a modern classic from Louis Malle. Then, you have a story about aging starring two iconic performers (Katharine Hepburn, Henry Fonda), both winning Oscars for their work. Plus, an epic story of communism and idealism put on screen by an actor-turned-director named Robert Redford who took home the Oscar for his work. Alas, the winner came in the form of a tiny British film about a long distance runner. Reds took home Best Director and Cinematography (not to mention ten more nominations and one more win). On Golden Pond had ten nominations, winning Actor, Actress, and Adapted Screenplay. In the end, they seemed to split the vote and all that gold meant nothing.

#36. Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Lost to: My Fair Lady

Sometimes a film is just way too ahead of its time. Sometimes a movie is so cutting and satirical that it proves too much for the Academy to deal with. Enter Stanley Kubrick's darkest of dark comedies, Dr. Strangelove. Kubrick's film was never expected to take home the trophy, but still pulled in four nominations - Picture, Director, Adapted Screenplay, and Actor for Peter Sellers and his multifaceted, mind-blowing work. In the end, the crowdpleaser won again, as the award went to My Fair Lady (which I love, too). The bigger snub was probably Rex Harrison over Sellers for Best Actor, but that's another list for another time. Dr. Strangelove has gone down in history as one of the most ingenious political satires to ever hit the big screen.

#35. Double Indemnity (1944)

Lost to: Going My Way

If I were to do this again, I'd probably slap a tie in here, too, with a fellow loser from 1944, Gaslight. Regardless, Billy Wilder's iconic film noir is one of the most layered, fascinating pieces of filmmaking in his stellar repertoire. Starring Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck, the movie pulled in seven nominations (Picture, Director, Actress, Screenplay, Score, Sound, and Black-and-White Cinematography), but went home empty-handed. Instead, the award went to a musical starring Bing Crosby as a young priest. MacMurray was never better, Stanwyck was the definition of a femme fatale, and Wilder once again proved he's one of the best there has ever been. To this day, Double Indemnity is the still one of the measuring sticks for the genre of film noir.

#34. The Color Purple (1985)

Lost to: Out of Africa

In 1985, the job of directing one of these most beloved African-American novels of all time fell to Steven Spielberg (weird, huh). What he created was a landmark in cinema - the first film to be nominated for Best Picture with an African-American producer (Quincy Jones). Starring essentially an all-black cast, with Whoopi Goldberg, Oprah Winfrey, and Danny Glover, The Color Purple also holds one other distinction: it was nominated for eleven Oscars (Picture, Adapted Screenplay, Actress, Supporting Actress (2), Makeup, Score, Original Song, Cinematography, Costume Design, and Art Direction) and it won...NOTHING. Call it a race issue. Call it tough luck. Call it insanity. But when you lose to an incredibly boring film about a plantation owner's love affair with a hunter in Kenya in an already weak field, something is wrong.

#33. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

Lost to: Gone with the Wind

It was one of, if not the best year for movies in history. It's trademark Frank Capra - an America where good always triumphs over evil and the common man will always find a way to succeed. This time, it's Jimmy Stewart as Jefferson Smith, a small town man called into duty for the United States Senate, only coming face-to-face with political corruption. This gives way to the greatest filibuster in movie or political history. It's typical idealistic Capra and today may feel a little "put on," but it's inspiring and hopeful in a world where dreams sometimes die a quick death. It grabbed eleven nominations, but only took one home, for Original Screenplay.

#32. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

Lost to: Lawrence of Arabia

Above all, the brilliant adaptation of Harper Lee's read-by-fifty-million-high-schoolers novel suffered from nothing more than bad luck. Not many films would be able to take down a film as epic as Lawrence of Arabia, no matter how boring its third act is (yawn). To Kill a Mockingbird is anchored by Gregory Peck's incredible Oscar winning performance as southern lawyer Atticus Finch and grabbed eight total nominations, winning for Actor, Adapted Screenplay, and Art Direction. It's a film that stands the test of time and, in the long run, may have a better shelf life than the film it lost to.

#31. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Lost to: The French Connection

It's Stanley Kubrick again, this time giving the world only the second X-rated film to be nominated for Best Picture (Midnight Cowboy in 1969, which won). Unfortunately, A Clockwork Orange didn't come out on top, in a relatively difficult field which included eventual winner The French Connection, plus The Last Picture Show and Fiddler on the Roof (that doesn't even include non-nominees McCabe and Mrs. Miller, Klute, and Sunday, Bloody Sunday). Adapted from the incredibly visceral and convoluted Anthony Burgess novel about violence and individualism in future London, the four time nominated film was driven by a sinister performance from Malcolm McDowell as Alex DeLarge, one of the most charismatic villains in cinematic history.

There you have it - numbers 40 through 31. More upsets and gracious losers to come, so hold on tight.

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 50-41

2013-01-25T15:23:00.000-05:00

Scene from The Greatest Show on Earth
courtesy of stagevu.com

As we get closer and closer to the big night, I wanted to look back at the history of Oscar and highlight the films that missed their shot. Plenty of great films have won Best Picture. Plenty of great films weren't even nominated. Then there are the films that were thrown into the mix, but fell just short of the big prize. Starting with numbers 50 through 41, I'm looking back at the most important Best Picture nominees that didn't take home the gold. This isn't a best of list - it's a look at the Oscars as an institution, which films deserved the award, which ones got unlucky to be up against greater films, and which ones were adored by the Academy, taking home plenty of gold, sans the biggest of them all. Without further ado, let's look at numbers 50 through 41.

#50. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)

Lost to: A Man for All Seasons

It may be the greatest performance of Elizabeth Taylor's career, opposite her husband Richard Burton. Both actors scored nominations, plus supporting nods for Sandy Denis and George Segal. All in all, the film racked up 13 nominations and five wins, two of which were for Taylor and Denis. But, when all was said and done, Paul Scofield and his performance as Thomas Moore in the biopic of A Man For All Seasons took home the gold (both Lead Actor and Picture, respectively). Retrospectively, Virginia Woolf has gone down as one of the most brutal looks at a twisted family dynamic and almost felt like a look inside the roller coaster marriage of Taylor and Burton.

#49. 12 Angry Men (1957)

Lost to: The Bridge on the River Kwai

Sidney Lumet's definitive courtroom drama somehow only garnered three nominations - Director and Screenplay, in addition to Picture. Since Oscar night, it has been slowly built up as one of the greatest looks at the justice system, with Henry Fonda in a brilliant performance as the only doubter in a room full of frustrated jurors who just want to slap the handcuffs on an innocent man. Pitted against Lee J. Cobb as the most one-sided, blind-to-the-facts juror in the history of cinema, Fonda shines. I would never jump to the conclusion to say it's a better film than The Bridge on the River Kwai, but it's certainly a lot easier to re-watch and enjoy.

#48. MAS*H (1970)

Lost to: Patton

Robert Altman has a laundry list of brilliant films, most of which were nominated for something, but missed out on major gold. M*A*S*H was the first one to truly break into the mold, using the Altman-esque technique of filmmaking and screenwriting. The story fits together loosely, characters talk over each other, and it takes a serious topic and flips it on its head. Altman's skill would be honed and be injected into other wonderful Best Picture nominees (Nashville, Gosford Park), but this war comedy that gave birth to one of the greatest television shows of all time was the first to break into the fold. It lost to a good film and sits alongside Five Easy Pieces as another Best Picture loser from that year. Not bad company.

#47. Top Hat (1935)

Lost to: Mutiny on the Bounty

In the 1930's, the Academy essentially nominated anything that wasn't bad. Alongside eleven other nominees sat possibly the greatest Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers collaboration Top Hat. While Astaire is a beloved performer, he never received any nominations for his acting in musicals with Rogers (or anyone else for that matter). In fact, his only Oscar nomination came in 1974 for Best Supporting Actor in...The Towering Inferno. Top Hat grabbed three nominations other than Best Picture, for Original Song, Art Direction, and Dance Direction, but won nothing. Regardless, other than the winner that year, Top Hat stands head and shoulders above its fellow nominees. Maybe even above Mutiny on the Bounty.

#49. High Noon (1952)

Lost to: The Greatest Show on Earth

It lost the Oscar to what has gone down in history as one of the worst Best Pictures of all time (no argument here). This western that grabbed seven nominations and four wins (Editing, Original Song, Music, Lead Actor) may not be as good as billed, but it's still an original film that works well. The film focuses on Gary Cooper's Will Kane as he struggles between sticking around until the clock strikes 12 to fight incoming enemies or leaving with his new bride, played by Grace Kelly. As the clock moves forward, he gets less and less support from the townspeople he is trying to protect. The movie is essentially filmed in real time, flashing back to the clock over and over. While Gary Cooper was never really that great an actor, the filmmaking techniques manage to cloak his stiff facade and create one of the greatest westerns of all time. Besides, Grace Kelly is an epic definition of beauty in it.

#45. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)

Lost to: Mrs. Miniver

The man who is better known for his gangster films gave what may be his best performance ever in this biopic of the great George M. Cohan. James Cagney won an Oscar for his lead performance, showing audiences a very different side to the man who would eventually become better known for playing a psychopath with an Oedipal complex (White Heat). Yankee Doodle Dandy grabbed seven nominations and three wins, for Cagney, Best Score, and Best Sound. Directed by the great Michael Curtiz, Cagney's love letter to the music of America still stands up as a shot of life, even against the nine other nominees.

#44. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

Lost to: Midnight Cowboy

It was the movie that forever embedded Paul Newman and Robert Redford as an iconic pair of actors and redefined the western genre. It was nominated for seven Oscars, winning four (Song, Music, Cinematography, Adapted Screenplay), but still didn't garner any nominations for acting. This story of two bank robbers on their way to Bolivia to escape the law is packed with memorable scenes and lines as Newman and Redford put a stamp on their illustrious careers. The catch: it lost to the first X-rated film to ever be nominated (and win) Best Picture. I'm not arguing - Midnight Cowboy is great.

#43. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)

Lost to: In the Heat of the Night

The nominees for Best Picture this year were loaded. Two of the other films nominated are higher on this list for various reasons. Unfortunately, Stanley Kramer's story of race relations and family dysfunction was up against another film about race relations, the other more visceral (though also starring Sydney Poitier). Oddly enough, none of this film's ten nominations or any of In the Heat of the Night's seven nominations included Poitier, who was wonderful in both films, in very different roles. Katharine Hepburn won an Oscar for her work, but the film's true gem was the final performance of Spencer Tracy, also nominated for an Oscar (he lost to Rod Steiger for In the Heat of the Night). Based on how the Academy likes to vote now, if this lineup of films were nominated again this year, I'd put my money on Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. Or, sadly enough, Dr. Doolittle.

#42. The Social Network (2010)

Lost to: The King's Speech

Since the mid-90's, there has slowly existed a building divide between critics and the Academy. When Oscar race tracking became so much more evident and easier, statisticians began recording numbers of precursor wins, critic society awards, and guild nominations. In the second year of the "let's have ten nominees" transition the Academy tried out, we saw the sharpest recent divide we've ever seen between two films. The Social Network all but swept the critical awards before the Oscars, only to lose to a light historical story about an English king overcoming a stutter. It's the most recent entry on this list, but if there was ever a year that showed clear evidence of the type of movie the Academy was looking for in recent memory, it was this one.

#41. The Philadelphia Story (1940)

Lost to: Rebecca

Screwball comedies aren't supposed to win Oscars. While The Philadelphia Story isn't exactly "screwball," it is an extremely light crowd-pleaser that suffered from two problems: it was up against the only Hitchcock film ever to win Best Picture and it was one of ten nominees, four of which would historically go down as truly classic films (one more is coming up on this list). That being said, Jimmy Stewart won his only Oscar for this wonderful film about relationships, storytelling, and the passion of the press. Among all the nominations, somehow Cary Grant missed out (though I would argue he was more the lead than Stewart and every bit as good). It's just more evidence of how perfectly crafted this film was, character to character, scene to scene.

Whew. That was exhausting. And that's only the beginning. We have forty more to go as we retrace Oscar history and diagram its mistakes, indecisions, and the monumentally difficult choices the Academy has made since 1927.

Five Best Plus: 2012 Movie Moments

2012-12-21T10:55:00.003-05:00

Scene from The Dark Knight Rises
courtesy of collider.com

Well, the year is almost over, so it's time to look back. 2012 was a really good year for movies, but as I was compiling this list, I found myself less drawn to specific moments in films than I have been in previous years. Truthfully, I would argue this year may be a better year for filmmaking in general, but less driven by specific scenes in film. There are no tops spinning or hallway zero gravity fights. There are no big home runs. There are no feathers floating to the ground with a giant crash. But, there are important moments in really good films that proved that 2012 was a year to be reckoned with in movie houses. Here they are, in alphabetical order by film title. Feel free to point out any I missed in the comments area.

courtesy of nytimes.com

Argo

The Escape

Ben Affleck's fictionalization of the 1980 CIA-Canadian secret operation to rescue six American hostages in Iran is a frontrunner for the Oscar, mostly because of Affleck's steady hand behind the camera. The film is tense, entertaining, and interesting, especially during the attempted escape from Iran, pretending to be talent scouts for a science-fiction film called "Argo." Now, plenty goes wrong (or else it wouldn't be exciting, right?), but watching as the group slowly navigates the airport, sticking to the script Affleck's character has written is exciting, fun, and a joy to watch. There were few moments more touching than the look on faces when these people leave Iranian air space. No that isn't a spoiler - we've known they escaped for over 30 years.

courtesy of collider.com

The Avengers

The Hulk Appears

Who would've thought at the beginning of the year that The Avengers would rival (possibly even be better than) Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises? Well, when Joss Whedon took the reins of the blockbuster, he infused it with wit and intelligence, as opposed to just delivering another thoughtless summer movie. The most important aspect was Whedon's handling of Dr. Bruce Banner, played by Mark Ruffalo. Banner works throughout the entire film to contain the monster inside, but, when his safety is threatened, all breaks loose and the Hulk emerges. It's powerful and anything but subtle, but the decision to withhold his appearance until late in the film makes the Hulk's first scene a memorable romp through the city. The property damage...my God.

courtesy of kpbs.com

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Hushpuppy Takes Control

Benh Zeitlin's debut feature and Sundance Film Festival standout Beasts of the Southern Wild has ridden word of mouth throughout the entire year. It's a beautiful, dream-like tale about strength and inner resolve among some of the most unexpected circumstances. It may be losing steam, which may prevent an Oscar nomination for the film and its young star Quvenzhané Wallis, but anyone who sees the film can't help but feel a connection to her character, Hushpuppy. In the film's closing, we see this young girl stand up for her family, her friends, and her father as she faces down the demons of her home and the outside world as they intersect, both figuratively and literally. We all may be a little piece of this big universe, but there are some - like Hushpuppy - who can navigate it with more control than most of us.

courtesy of slackerwood.com

Holy Motors

Accordion Entr’acte

Casual moviegoers may not recognize this scene. Or this film, for that matter. But, in the film community, there have been few films talked about as much as Leos Carax's first film since 1999. The film stars Denis Lavant as a man who rides around in a limousine, seemingly inhabiting various disconnected lives. Lavant plays over a dozen different characters in the film, with seemingly no tie between them. Even in such a random, crazy film, Carax includes a scene that seems even more out of place, serving as a bit of an intermission, where Lavant leads a band in a rousing rendition of "Let My Baby Ride" by R.L. Burnside with accordions. It's a wonderfully entertaining scene, only halted by the band holding a low note and Lavant turning to his band and yelling "Trois, douze, merde!" which, in English, means "Three, twelve, shit!"

courtesy of monstersandcritics.com

Les Miserables

I Dreamed a Dream

Tom Hooper's overblown adaptation of the classic musical Les Miserables locked in some big names for the most recent big screen take on the film, by booking Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, and Amanda Seyfried. No performance may have been more anticipated than Anne Hathaway's turn as one of Broadway's most famous prostitutes, Fantine. In the middle of the film, she delivers the show's most famous song, "I Dreamed a Dream." What gives the scene much more impact is Hooper's decision to film it essentially uncut, in sharp close up. Since the actors were all singing live, this scene becomes even more passionate and emotional. It's the high point of a film that is every bit in the race for Best Picture.

courtesy of globaltimes.cn

Life of Pi

The Shipwreck

It's a movie more about design and beauty than substance and, while I was not as big a fan of Ang Lee's adaptation as most, it did provide us with some of the more moving images of the year. The biggest of these is the capsizing of Pi's freighter, leaving him stranded on a rescue boat with Richard Parker, the Bengal tiger. One of the few recent very good uses of 3D technology, Ang Lee approaches this movie changing moment with thrill and vigor, adding just the right amount of life into a movie that could otherwise be seen as terribly boring. The rain, the ocean effects, and the wild camerawork in this scene give Life of Pi enough drama to sustain it through its extended running time.

courtesy of chickflix.net

Lincoln

The House Votes

Director Steven Spielberg and screenwriter Tony Kushner achieved something unthinkable, by creating a look at one of our greatest presidents that should have been the most boring film of the year. Lincoln is dominated by discussion and ambiance, all revolving around the attempted passing of the 13th amendment, which would effectively end slavery. After the Senate passes the amendment, Lincoln (Daniel Day-Lewis) and his supporters focus on making sure the House of Representatives passes the amendment. Somehow, Spielberg creates a scene that, though it's nothing more than men in a room giving a "yeah" or "nay, " is more exciting than most scenes you'll see in cinema this year.

courtesy of fthismovie.com

The Master

The First Processing

Paul Thomas Anderson's surreal drama was advertised as a criticism of Scientology. What it became is something much bigger than that - a look at the psychological toll that war, loneliness, and uncertainty can take on a man. When Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix) finds himself in contact with Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman), he is grilled with a set of questions allowing Dodd to measure his vulnerability and possible position within Dodd's movement, The Cause. Anderson films it quickly, allowing Dodd to give Quell a barrage of questions, forcing him to answer without blinking, until he can finally close his eyes, overtaken with the spiritual cleanse Dodd forces upon him. It's the most important moment in a difficult film, but one that stands up against the best in a film that may go down in history as a classic.

courtesy of feelguide.com

Moonrise Kingdom

What Kind of Bird Are You?
While many would pick the beach dance off between Sam (Jared Gillman) and Suzy (Kara Heyward), the scene that resonates most for me in Wes Anderson's beautifully simple, yet meticulous Moonrise Kingdom is their first meeting, backstage at Suzy's opera. The two schedule to meet in a field exactly one year later from this first meeting, where Sam leaves his scout troop, sneaks into her dressing room, and sets their young love in motion with his simple direct question: "What kind of bird are you?" After being interrupted by another performer, he gets more specific, pointing directly at Suzy: "No...I mean, what kind of bird are you?" It's simple, it's sweet, and it's the perfect introduction to these two breakout characters and stars.

courtesy of collider.com

Zero Dark Thirty

The Raid

Kathryn Bigelow's take on the murder of Osama Bin Laden is a number of things. It's a tale of revenge. It's a story about feminism. It's a story about regret. Regardless of your take on it, we are given a fictionalization of the Navy S.E.A.L. Team Six's movement in on the compound housing Bin Laden, complete with night vision goggles. While this sounds like it's an exciting ending, Bigelow handles it less with triumph and more with quiet control. This isn't a stand up and cheer moment. This is a look at an act that needed to be completed, but at a cost that may not have been worth it. Bigelow's cast - including main character Maya, played by Jessica Chastain - did all that was needed to accomplish their goal. But, it leaves the audience with a taste that they need to define on their own.

That was 2012 in films. A great year for the medium, proving that film is far from dead.

2012 Screen Actors Guild Nominations

2012-12-14T08:01:00.004-05:00

John Hawkes in The Sessions courtesy
of collider.com

Didn't get the chance to post this the other day. Here are the nominees (in the movie categories), plus my thoughts at the end.

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook
Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
John Hawkes, The Sessions
Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables
Denzel Washington, Flight

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role
Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
Marion Cotillard, Rust and Bone
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Helen Mirren, Hitchcock
Naomi Watts, The Impossible

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
Alan Arkin, Argo
Javier Bardem, Skyfall
Robert De Niro, Silver Linings Playbook
Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master
Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
Sally Field, Lincoln
Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables
Helen Hunt, The Sessions
Nicole Kidman, The Paperboy
Maggie Smith, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture
Argo
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Les Miserables
Lincoln
Silver Linings Playbook

My Thoughts

No nomination for Joaquin Phoenix is tough to swallow
Nice recognition for Bardem; not often a Bond villain gets any awards praise
No ensemble nomination for Zero Dark Thirty may mean more than you think in the long run
What these nominations do is solidify about two or three nominees in each category and highlight the battles for the last spots. Right now, bet the house on:

Day-Lewis & Cooper for Best Actor (I think Hawkes is a good bet, too)
Chastain & Lawrence for Best Actress (Cotillard is a good bet here, too)
Jones & De Niro for Best Supporting Actor (I used to think Hoffman & Arkin were good bets - now I'm not so sure)
Hathaway, Field, & Hunt for Best Supporting Actress (Smith is gaining ground here quickly)

The Definitive Horror Films: 10-1

2012-10-30T09:03:00.003-04:00

John Carpenter, courtesy of fearnet.com

And here we are, to the top ten. See your favorite on the list yet? If not, it's probably here. If it still isn't on this part of the list, either you have bad taste or I forgot it. Or I have bad taste. And no, Peter Jackson's Bad Taste is not on this list. One more time, this isn't a "best of" list. These ten are the most culturally important horror films of all time. Feel free to log your arguments in the comment section. I look forward to hearing from you.

#10. Silence of the Lambs (1991)

The first (and only) horror film to ever win the Oscar for Best Picture I still maintain is not really even a horror film. Jonathan Demme's adaptation of Thomas Harris's novel swept the awards, winning Best Picture, Best Actor (Anthony Hopkins), Best Actress (Jodie Foster), Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Director. Hopkins won his award while only being on screen for less than 20 minutes of the film, but stands as the most memorable thing and character in the film - Dr. Hannibal Lecter - spinning two sub-par "sequels." The story follows Foster as young FBI agent Clarice Starling, on the tail of a serial killer nicknamed Buffalo Bill (Ted Levine). In order to find him, she has to understand how he thinks and seeks the assistance of Lecter, locked away from society in high security.The film gets its brilliance from the interplay between Foster and Hopkins, but gets its horror from the eerily misogynistic work of Levine, who makes your skin crawl in every scene.

#9. Friday the 13th (1980)

The 1980's saw the rise of the teenage slasher movie, where a seemingly unstoppable force just navigates his way through the cast, murdering people one by one (usually when they try to have sex - tough break). But, lest we forget, Jason Voorhies - the villain of all the sequels in this series - was not the antagonist of Sean S. Cunningham's first entry, Friday the 13th. At Camp Crystal Lake, a group of young counselors are hoping to welcome a new crop of new campers, reopening the resort after a child had drown in the lake years before. But these counselors can't keep their pants on and their predator doesn't take too kindly. It's a campy slasher movie that led the way in the decade of excess, with an insane ending that has to be seen to be believed (though I'm sure we've all seen it by now).

#8. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Most of the popular killers in the late 70's and into the 80's had masks on. In 1984, Wes Craven decided to not only give his villain a face, but give him a horrifyingly disfigured one. Not only that, but he doesn't hunt you down during by day. He waits until you sleep. In A Nightmare on Elm Street, a group of teenagers start to die, one by one, all while they slumber. The culprit is a child murderer who was set afire by a lynch mob, coming back to pick off their children, all in their hazy dream lands. Freddy Kruegger (Robert Englund) is a hideous burn victim with sharp claws attached to gloves he wears - not a pretty image. Remember - the rules are a little different in this one (versus the rest of the series), since Freddy can follow you out of your dreams, too. Scary stuff, though slowly numbed by lackluster sequels. Oh, and this film was the screen debut of Johnny Depp. It doesn't end well for him.

#7. Halloween (1978)

John Carpenter's quintessential horror film is more than just a slasher movie. While thousands of other horror films have done the same thing but either made it too complicated or too mindless, Carpenter's 1978 hit Halloween found a perfect tone right in the middle. It doesn't try too hard, but doesn't sacrifice story just to include some cheap thrills. The film revolves around Michael Myers, institutionalized since he was six for the murder of his sister. He breaks out the night before Halloween in 1978 and heads for his hometown of Haddonfield. His main target: teenage girl Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) and her friends. A much more realistic horror film than the others that premiered around it, the movie was a breakout hit for Curtis and memorialized the killer's mask forever, which is actually a mold of William Shatner's face.

#6. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Word to the wise - if your grandfather's grave has been desecrated, just let the police handle it. You don't need to check it out. While Halloween dialed up the intensity with stretches of quiet, Tobe Hooper's cult classic The Texas Chainsaw Massacre loudly shoved the horror in your face, with frightening imagery and effects. A group of teenagers head out into country to visit a grandfather's grave, only to encounter a disgusting slaughterhouse and an inbred family of misfits, led by Leatherface, a chainsaw yielding madman who kills, skins, and eats his victims. Torture porn horror films started here. Independent, graphic horror films started here. While The Texas Chainsaw Massacre may not be as truly stomach-turning as it seemed on second viewing, it led the way for horror films that aren't just scary, but downright nauseating to watch.

#5. Frankenstein (1931)

At its heart, Mary Shelley's novel and James Whale's iconic film Frankenstein is about being an outsider in a world that doesn't understand you or want to accept you. You know the story: a mad scientist creates a monster made up of loose body parts from corpses, only to see it break out and terrorize the surrounding world. Boris Karloff's portrayal of the famed monster will always stand the test of time as one of the true sympathetic horror villains, creating a "man" who is not quite as evil as he is misunderstood. It took a fellow misunderstood outsider - filmmaker James Whale - to capture the terror not just behind the monster's appearance, but the monster's inability to fit into social norms. A movie that is really sadder than it is scary, it paved the way for dozens of other Hollywood monster movies, though none would equal the brilliance of this original.

#4. Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre may have expanded the reach of independent filmmakers in the horror genre, but George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead was the first to open the door. Made in Western Pennsylvania for next to nothing, Romero's allegory of Cold War paranoia around Joseph McCarthy's Communist witch hunt was far from a well-acted movie, but made its impact all the same. Featuring a rare (at the time) African-American protagonist and ringleader of the heroes (Duane Jones), the film created a claustrophobic feel, taking place almost entirely within one house in the middle of nowhere (not far from where I went to college). Nowadays, we have "The Walking Dead." We have new versions of zombie movies being released every year. Fans of zombies in the media need to look no further than this trail blazer in the genre.

#3. The Shining (1980)

Has a more beautiful horror film ever been made? Stanley Kubrick's big screen adaptation of Stephen King's novel took a few liberties with the story King was trying to tell (he still doesn't care for the film), but still stands as one of the scariest films ever made. The Shining stars Jack Nicholson as Jack Torrance, an author suffering from writer's block who takes his wife (Shelly Duvall) and son (Danny Lloyd) to the Overlook Hotel to "house sit," so he can get some writing done. Unfortunately, this already unhinged man is driven to insanity by the isolation, his son's unexpected telepathic gift, and the spirits inhabiting the walls. In the novel, Jack's insanity has a much longer crescendo than in Kurbrick's vision, which essentially has Nicholson playing him kind of crazy from frame one. This labyrinth of a hotel and the confusion Kubrick builds with camera tricks and seemingly out of place imagery makes for a mind-bending, terrifying film experience you won't soon forget.

#2. The Exorcist (1973)

Horror and religion have never melded so beautifully and terrifyingly in a film before William Friedkin's 1973 adaptation of the William Peter Blatty novel (Blatty also wrote the screenplay). The Exorcist mixes three important characters - a worried mother, a holy man who begins to question his faith, and an elderly priest set to defeat evil incarnate. Chris MacNeil (Ellen Burstyn) sees her daughter Regan (Linda Blair) possessed by a demon, and calls upon local priests (Jason Miller, Max Von Sydow) to cure her. The film is ripe with horrifying imagery, but the real suspense of the film comes from the ongoing religious discussions and references, as Regan gets sicker and sicker, turning her tiny bedroom into her representation of a cold Hell. The film won two Oscars (Sound and Adapted Screenplay) and was nominated for eight more (including Best Picture, Director, Supporting Actress, Supporting Actor, and Lead Actress), proving that even a horror film can be a critical success, if it has an intelligent script and brilliant people working on it.

#1. Psycho (1960)

And then there was one. The most important horror film ever made. Alfred Hitchcock had made some scary movies, i.e. Rear Window, Dial M for Murder, but in 1960, he took suspense and terror to a new level with Psycho, a twisted spin on the murder mystery. When a woman (Janet Leigh) takes $40,000 meant for her employer and skips town, she finds herself pulling into a quiet, rural place called the Bates Motel, managed by a kind-eyed man named Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins). From there, we are taken into the world of Norman Bates, a quiet man with an Oedipal complex (to say the least) who isn't exactly a social butterfly, as it were. Amongst the mystery and missing money is a sinister study of a twisted man, played hauntingly by Perkins, from his unassuming voice to his hollow eyes. It may not be the scariest movie you'll ever see (in 1960 it probably would have been), but every sinister villain - from horror films to thrillers to even children's movies - owes a little bit to Alfred Hitchcock and Anthony Perkins for what they gave the world with Psycho and Norman Bates.

Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed our list. Below I listed a few movies I left out and why.

Sins of Omission

Phantom of the Opera (1925) - I forgot about it. Honestly. I really should've been included on this list, somewhere between 20-40. Thank you to my friend Wyatt for reminding me and shaming me.

Jaws (1975) - I mentioned it in the first post. While this is a scary movie, I just can't call it a horror film.

Dario Argento's Films - the Italian director's films like Suspiria and Opera certainly aren't easy to forget, but I wouldn't say they made the impact needed to make the list. Plus, they aren't very good, in my opinion.

Every Other Hitchcock Film - Other than Psycho, I would argue Hitchcock never made a horror film. Lots of fantastic suspense, but no real horror.

The Definitive Horror Films: 20-11

2012-10-26T07:52:00.004-04:00

Wes Craven courtesy of
collider.com

Ooh....top 20. We've moved into a really solid list of movies in this portion. We have cases of meta-horror, we have the original film of some expansive series, and a couple science fiction/horror hybrid films. Either way, these are the final group before we hit the top 10, so factor in that some of these just missed it. Once again, not a "best of" list - definitive. So, here's numbers 20 through 11.

#20. Scream (1996)

In the mid-90's, the slasher film had all but run out of gas. We had loads of sequels and lesser imitators, as compared to the wave of fun 80's "sleepaway camp murderer" films. Then, director Wes Craven and writer Kevin Williamson delivered the first truly self-aware horror film. Characters not only suffered through horror movie cliches, but understood the pitfalls of those same horror standards they were falling victim to. While Scream followed a lot of those same plot devices as slasher films of past, it provided one memorable change: Craven killed off the film's biggest star in the first act. If anything, it proved that slasher films all look the same sometimes - but, when you break the rules, you open up a world of possibilities that even the biggest horror film buffs can't see coming.

#19. The Fly (1986)

More David Cronenberg, with his most memorable horror film - a remake of the camp classic of the same name. Starring Jeff Goldblum as scientist Seth Brundle, The Fly focuses on his attempts to have a breakthrough in the field of matter transportation. When a fly enters one of his transporters during a final experiment, he finds himself slowly transforming into a fly/man hybrid. Of all of Cronenberg's psychological nightmares, The Fly may hit closest to the heart, as we see much of the action through the eyes of Brundle's girlfriend Veronica (Geena Davis). This isn't a heart-pounding thriller. This is a slow, methodical look at the fear of body decay, the terror of the inevitable, and the sacrifices some make for misguided progress. This is not a horror film that makes you jump - it's a horror film that makes you think...and possibly get sick.

#18. Peeping Tom (1960)

Easily the most obscure movie in the top 20 - maybe the entire list - this Michael Powell film suffered from a little bit of bad timing. Horror films had yet to be psychological to the point of being incredibly unsettling. Unfortunately, Peeping Tom was made in 1960 and studios were hesitant to release this kind of film. That is, until September of the same year, when Alfred Hitchock's Psycho premiered. So, Peeping Tom was swept under the rug and finally released in the US in 1962, where it was mostly forgotten. So, in the same year that Hitchcock's landmark film was made, Powell was doing the same type of work overseas, telling a story of a lonely man (Carl Boehm) and his obsession with murdering women, all the while filming them. The camera has rarely been so terrifying and, while Psycho may be the more widespread success, had it been made two years later, Peeping Tom may be the bigger milestone in cinema history.

#17. Carrie (1976)

While we are going to be "treated" to a remake of this Brian De Palma classic, there is still a soft spot for the brilliance and terror of the original Stephen King novel adaptation. Carrie stars Sissy Spacek as a quiet, insecure teenager with telekinetic powers who deals with mental and physical abuse from all places: kids at school, strangers on the street, and even her own mother. Slowly, we see her being pushed and pushed until her breaking point, in a memorable scene at the high school prom. Carrie may be a metaphor about the cruelty of bullies. It may be hinting at the psychological study of rage-induced revenge. Most of all, it's one of De Palma's finest films and one of the scariest character studies ever put on film, grabbing Oscar nominations for Spacek and Piper Laurie, playing her mother. And, while I don't like that this film is being remade, they couldn't have picked a better actress than Chloe Grace Moretz to play the lead.

#16. Dracula (1931)

The Count Dracula we typically remember came courtesy of director Tod Browning and actor Bela Lugosi with this 1931 classic. All the major players are here in 1931's Dracula: the Count himself, Renfield (Dwight Frye), Van Helsing (Edward Von Sloan). Here, the title vampire is transported to England, where he begins to hunt down and prey on the virtuous young Mina (Helen Chandler), while Van Helsing and his supporters try to stop him. The myth of Dracula, created by author Bram Stoker, has been re-imagined in dozens of other ways, but, chances are, when you think of the Count, Lugosi's portrayal is the first to pop into your head.

#15. The Blair Witch Project (1999)

The hype machine at Apple couldn't even match what the filmmakers behind 1999's biggest surprise did. The Blair Witch Project was an independent film using the media circus and the new wave of Internet advertising better than any film before it or since. The film centers on a group of three student filmmakers in Massachusetts, documenting a local legend called the Blair Witch. The catch - they go missing and only their footage is found. The filmmakers' decided, instead of going a typical marketing route, to create a website explaining what happened, making it look real. They kept their actors in hiding until the premiere. The movie, almost entirely improvised, is the first of the wave of "found footage" films that has become a horror staple in the past 10-20 years. The movie itself is not great, but the brilliance behind the ad campaign caught the movie world by storm.

#14. The Thing (1982)

Imagine you're in the presence of an alien being who can shape-shift and take on the form of anyone you know. Where is the last place you'd want to be? John Carpenter's The Thing puts them in an expedition to Antarctica, led by R.J. MacReady (Kurt Russell). Carpenter's film is chilling (pun totally intended) beyond reason, a study in paranoia and mistrust among friends, in addition to a terrifying alien attack movie. For a director who had made mostly slasher horror films and violent escape movies, Carpenter knew how to use the science-fiction aspect to his benefit, dialing up intensity through character interplay, rather than special effects (though they certainly helped).

#13. Alien (1979)

From one sci-fi horror film to another, this time a blockbuster with the rare female protagonist. Directed by Ridley Scott, Alien follows the crew of the towing vessel Nostromo as it heads to deep space, only to be awakened by a strange signal coming from a distant planet. Assuming it's a cry for help, they investigate, only to find they are the ones in true danger. Alien won an Oscar for special effects ahead of their time, but the true impact of the film is the performance of Sigourney Weaver, as the strongest member of this crew fighting back against a terrifying extraterrestrial. James Cameron directed the equally brilliant sequel Aliens, but shifted the genre from horror to action adventure. Ridley Scott's original is a rare near-perfect combination of two genres, building mass terror in the middle of space.

#12. The Birds (1963)

I'm curious what the meeting was like when Alfred Hitchcock told his investors "I want to make a movie about killer birds." Based on the Daphne Du Marier story, The Birds follows Melanie (Tippi Hedren), a rich socialite who has a joke played upon her by a local lawyer (Rod Taylor). In an attempt to return the favor, she travels an hour north to Bodega Bay, California, where he spends the weekends with his mother. When she arrives in the small town, the birds in the area begin to act strangely. Slowly, they begins to attack townspeople, more and more viciously each time. There is never an explanation for why the birds are attacking - it seems completely random and Hitchcock never divulges the purpose behind it. Regardless, imagine the horror of having these seemingly harmless creatures wreaking the type of havoc they do in this classic film. The Birds took this ridiculous premise and turned it into one of the biggest horror films of all time.

#11. Nosferatu (1922)

Ladies and gentlemen, the original movie vampire. Director F.W. Murnau couldn't get the rights to Bram Stocker's Dracula, so he took a roundabout approach and created his own: Count Orlak (Max Schreck). The silent German expressionist film follows a similar plot as Dracula, but applies it to an infinitely scarier appearing villain, with bugging eyes and elf-like rigid ears. Murnau was one of the first true auteurs in cinema and Nosferatu is one of his most memorable creations, paving the road for thousands of horror films to come. In 2000, E. Elias Merhige directed Shadow of the Vampire, a fictional imagination of the making of this film, where Shreck (Willen Dafoe) actually is a vampire, and Murnau promises him the lead actress as payment for his work in the film. As imaginative as that is, it wouldn't be possible without the powerfully creepy work of the real Max Shreck in the original.

Well, next up, the top ten. The suspense is killing me....I hope it'll last.

The Definitive Horror Films: 30-21

2012-10-25T07:45:00.000-04:00

Dario Argento courtesy of
gotterdammerung.org

And so we've arrive at the halfway point of the list. Here, we see two sequels, some haunted houses, some scary kids, and a few movies that became lightning rods for controversy in their respective time periods. I'm sure to get some very, very angry people complaining about how low some of the movies in this section are on the list. But, there have been a lot more important horror films than these, as great as they are. Once again, a reminder that this isn't a "best of" list - merely a cultural discussion of which horror films have embedded themselves into the genre's history and changed the way people view the industry. Here are numbers 30 through 21.

#30. The Amityville Horror (1979)

When you look at the history of haunted house movies, The Amityville Horror always seems to stand out, though it certainly isn't the best of them. Capitalizing on a new stream of horror auteurs and independent ghost stories, director Stuart Rosenberg brought together a pretty solid cast to adapt Jay Anson's book that, he claims, is based on a true story about a family on Long Island. Newlyweds George and Kathy Lutz (James Brolin, Margot Kidder) move into their dream house with their children, though it was the site of a gruesome murder (the realtor was upfront about this). Standard haunted house problems arise, including the blinding of the family priest (Rod Steiger), who came to perform an exorcism. Don't waste your time on the remake - witness the chills of the original and the brilliance of James Brolin's perfect facial hair.

#29. Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

The sequel to one of the greatest horror films of all time delivered both scares and laughs, thanks to director James Whale. Bride of Frankenstein finds the doctor and the monster from the first film alive and well, though believed to be dead. Dr. Frankenstein (Colin Clive) wants to hang up his lab coat, until another mad scientist kidnaps his wife and forces him to create another creature to be his monster's mate. The iconic performances from Boris Karloff and Elsa Lanchester make the film what it is: a story, though frightening, that is about the pain of loneliness and solitude. When no one understands you, all you need is to see a little bit of yourself in someone else, even if she is a monster. Mary Shelley may not have written about his bride, but the cues this film takes from her original novel are there to be seen.

#28. Saw (2004)

Welcome to the 21st century of horror. James Wan's brutal original film Saw kickstarted the world of torture horror in Hollywood, where the more filmmakers can make the audience squirm, the more the audience will pay to see it. In the film, two men wake up in a room with a dead body between them, under the watchful eye of a serial killer affectionately called "Jigsaw." They are given scenarios and games to play if they wish to survive, and the film tests the limits of its actors and audiences alike. Starring Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, and Monica Potter, Saw gave birth to a slew of unoriginal sequels and imitators (i.e. Hostel), but the original is still an exercise in pain and anguish to get through, however clever the scenario may be.

#27. Freaks (1932)

At the time (and still to this day), the concept is a little tasteless. For God's sake, a tagline for the movie was "Can a full grown woman truly love a MIDGET?" - not very politically correct. But Tod Browning's iconic film still stands up as a terrifying story about living outside the fray. In Freaks, a circus trapeze artist named Cleopatra (Olga Baclanova) begins a romance with a dwarf named Hans (Harry Earles), though it is revealed she is only in it for the inheritance he will one day receive. When the other performers find out about her ruse, they decide to take matters into their own hands and make her pay. Using real circus performers in the roles makes it all the more chilling, especially when you consider how degrading the film probably was for them to make.

#26. Evil Dead (1981)

The sequel may be the better film and the third of the trilogy may be the most memorable due to its tone shift, but long before Sam Raimi was directing the Spiderman movies he gave the indie horror world a shot in the arm with Evil Dead. Starring the incomparable Bruce Campbell as Ash, the film follows him and his four friends as they head to a cabin in the woods for the weekend (do people actually do this?). There, they find a tome called "Naturan Demento," or the "Book of the Dead." Alongside the book is a recording of the text that, when played, unleashes an evil like none other. As they all become possessed, it's up to Ash to put a stop to it. Originally rated NC-17 for it's excessive gore, Evil Dead proved what independent directors could do if they just let loose. It's perfect for this time of year, too - would you support a woman's right to choose if she was raped by a tree?

#25. Poltergeist (1982)

Yes, it's this low on the list. While Poltergeist certainly took the haunted house movie to a different level, its real addition to American culture amount to two words: "They're Heeerreee." Real estate agent Stephen Freeling (Craig T. Nelson) lives in a nice housing development in California with his wife and three children. One night, they find their house is also the home some to spirits who, at first, don't seem to do any harm. Then it all falls apart. Directed by Tobe Hooper, Poltergeist delivered some pretty terrifying imagery in the early 80's, never allowing people to look at clowns and televisions the same way again. See? This is why you don't build a housing development on top of an Indian burial ground.

#24. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)

An early proponent of the German Expressionist movement of the later 1910's and early 1920's, Robert Wiene's silent classic The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari worked from a script by Hans Janowitz and Carl Mayer. The film is told in flashback, as Francis (Friedrich Fehér) tells a story about traveling to a circus in the hopes of winning the hand of a young woman named Jane (Lil Dagover). There, they meet Dr. Caligari (Werner Krauss) and his near silent sleepwalker Cesare (Conrad Weidt), whom he seems to control hypnotically. Francis begins to investigate Caligari and his practices, which eventually takes him down a terrifying road a little too close to home. It's a landmark of horror and silent films and, most importantly, it gave us cinema's first true "twist ending."

#23. The Omen (1976)

Before you complain about your child throwing a temper tantrum, watch Richard Donner's 1976 horror classic and relax. At least your son isn't the antichrist. Literally. Starring Gregory Peck and Lee Remick, The Omen centers around Peck's Robert Thorn, an American ambassador to Great Britain. When they have a still born child, Thorn follows a priest's advice at the hospital and takes a newborn whose mother just died during childbirth. Unfortunately, there are no lemon laws to protect us from bad kids and Thorn not only got a junker, but evil incarnate. The Omen won the Oscar for Best Music and, to this day, is a horrific allegory of the fears of parenting and taking responsibility for another's life.

#22. Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Ten years after George Romero defined the zombie movie, he released another widespread cultural criticism with Dawn of the Dead. As the world continues to suffer through the outbreak of walking dead, four people take refuge in a deserted shopping mall, forced to fight off the coming onslaught of zombies looking to feed. A pretty ingenious attack on America's obsession with retail and materialism, Romero's sequel took his original idea and expanded it, with the help of more money and better actors. Zack Snyder directed a pretty decent remake in 2004, but it will never compare to the brilliance of its source material.

#21. Rosemary's Baby (1968)

Ira Levin's 1967 best selling horror novel was the perfect model for Roman Polanski, who directed and wrote the Oscar-nominated screenplay for this terrifying metaphor for pregnancy fears and lack of control. Rosemary's Baby centers on Guy and Rosemary (John Cassavetes, Mia Farrow), as they move into a new apartment complex and are surrounded by strange people and occurrences. Rosemary becomes mysteriously pregnant and she notices that Guy is becoming more and more distant, spending more time with their elderly neighbors, Roman and Minnie (Sidney Blackmer, Ruth Gordon). As she struggles through her pregnancy, she begins to suspect their well-meaning neighbors may have other plans for this child. Gordon won an Oscar for her role in this horrifying film, one of the last true horror film Polanski would direct.

Well, only 20 left. Maybe you can see where we're going.

The Definitive Horror Films: 40-31

2012-10-24T07:34:00.000-04:00

Stephen King, courtesy of
publishersweekly.com

Well, ten down. Ten to go in this segment. A few Stephen King adaptations here, more Cronenberg, and a couple of remakes round out this portion of the list. Here, we start getting into more films people love, so I expect more arguments coming soon about why a movie isn't higher on the list. Again, not a "best of" list - a definitive list. These are important in horror film history - not all good. Enjoy numbers 40 through 31.

#40. Pet Sematary (1989)

On of Stephen King's most famous novels was translated into a relatively good movie in 1989, directed by the woman who directed Madonna's "Material Girl" music video (Mary Lambert). A young family's world is shaken up in their new home in Maine after Louis Creed (Dale Midkiff) learns from a local farmer (Fred Gwynne) of a burial ground behind their house that will allow the dead to come back to life. When a horrific accident leaves the family in shambles, Louis turns to the graveyard to restore hope, only to find that what he's resurrected is not what it seems. King's novel and Lambert's film continually remind us that, sometimes, dead is better.

#39. An American Werewolf in London (1981)

John Landis started his career directing classic, ridiculous comedies (Animal House, The Blues Brothers). In 1981, he turned his attention to writing and directing a horror film about two American tourists in England who are attacked by a werewolf. Starring David Naughton, An American Werewolf in London had injections of comedy throughout, but Naughton's transformation scene is the moment that still embeds into the minds of the audience. The film won an Oscar for Best Makeup based almost solely on the scene, but what gets lost in the shuffle is what a solid horror film Landis created here, beyond the special effects.

#38. Cujo (1983)

It's not a great film, but the concept is chilling. The Stephen King novel centers around a family dog named Cujo, after it contracts rabies and begins to rampage through a small town. Think about it, though. When any dog goes crazy, the first comparison anyone makes is to this film. Shoving your influence into culture doesn't necessarily mean producing a terrific film. Cujo is scary at moments (specifically a claustrophobic stuck-in-a-car sequence) and can give you an unreasonable fear of dogs, no matter how misguided the film itself may be.

#37. The Wicker Man (1973)

Long before Nicholas Cage screamed his way through an awful remake, Robin Hardy directed this British horror film that tackles a much more religious side of the genre. In the film, sergeant Neil Howie (Edward Woodward) goes to Summerisle, a remote island known for its fruit production. Howie is searching for a missing girl, but the locals insist she doesn't exist. To make matters worse, Howie, a devout Christian, is appalled by the practice of Celtic paganism by the residents of the island. Also starring Christopher Lee, the film puts heavy focus on religion as an entry point for terror and suspense like no other film had done before. It has since become a cult classic, with a devastatingly brilliant ending that rivals any horror film before or after it.

#36. Hellraiser (1987)

The directing debut of horror iconoclast Clive Barker also gave horror fans one of the most legendary characters of the genre. Though Pinhead (Doug Bradley) is the leader of the evil creatures, called Cenobites, he doesn't really commit most of the atrocities in the film. Hellraiser centers around a puzzle box that opens up a Hell-spawned world of sado-masochism, killing the ex-lover of a newly married woman. When the woman and her husband move into the house, they find him there, a zombie who needs to be re-born in a new body and needs the woman to feed his need to survive. A graphic depiction of a post modern underworld, Hellraiser, like many other films on this list, was followed by a slew of unnecessary sequels. The original still stands up pretty well.

#35. Videodrome (1983)

More David Cronenberg, this time attacking the ever-expanding world of media. Videodrome was well ahead of its time - a film about the hypnotic power of television and the dangers (both mental and physical) that it can bring about. James Woods stars as TV producer Max Renn, looking to expand his network's reach. When he finds a program called "Videodrome," which depicts what can only be described as snuff TV - sado-masochistic torture - he decides it's the wave of the future and begins pirating the show. As others get involved - Max's girlfriend (Debbie Harry), Professor Brian O'Blivion (Jack Creley) - we see that this show is not just reality, but is the front for a political movement. O'Blivion was modeled after media theorist Marshall McLuhan, who was a lecturer at the University of Toronto when Cronenberg attended college. TV may figuratively destroy our minds, but Cronenberg shows how it can destroy our souls.

#34. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Following a large scale criticism of television, we jump into a based-on-a-true-story look at the life of Henry Lee Lucas. Michael Rooker stars as the title character in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, which centers around a serial killer and his daily routines. Rooker is polarizing as Henry, killing people in a different way every time, some more graphic than others. But where is the ethical limit? John McNaughton's film is low budget and difficult to watch at times, but it is a rare example of a horror film directed specifically at the antagonist, serving the role as anti-hero, in a way.

#33. 28 Days Later... (2002)

Six years before sweeping the Oscars with Slumdog Millionaire and ten years before serving as the artistic director for the Olympic opening ceremony, director Danny Boyle gave the world one of the most thoughtful, intense, and fascinating horror films in years with 28 Days Later... Starring Cillian Murphy, the film turns the zombie movie on its head, portraying London as an empty shell of a city, four weeks after an incurable virus wipes out most of the UK. A graphic fable about survival and the inherent aggression of humankind, this complex allegory is more than your run-of-the-mill walking dead movie. It's a mind-trip and a half and scary as hell.

#32. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

I struggled with which version of this film to include on the list. Both this version and the 1956 adaptation are quality films, but I eventually had to settle on this Philip Kaufman directed version, starring Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, and Jeff Goldblum. Set in San Francisco, this story of aliens replacing humans with anti-emotional clones is one giant metaphor for our growing culture of followers, devoid of leaders and true, ethical decision-makers. Also starring Leonard Nimoy, the 1978 version may not have been much different than the original, but it's proof that a remake can work if done right.

#31. The Ring (2002)

Sticking with the remakes, in 2002 Gore Verbinski remade the Korean horror film Ringu into an English language film, starring Naomi Watts at the heroine. I considered including the original on the list instead of the remake, but The Ring set the wheels in motion of Hollywood snatching up quality Asian horror films and remaking them into terrible English language blockbusters. The film details the discovery of a video that, if anybody watches it, he/she will be dead in seven days. Watts stars as a reporter researching this urban legend. While The Ring is one of, if not the best of these remakes, it also started a sub-par trend in the genre that it deserves to be associated with for years to come. Still - pretty solid horror flick.

And so we continue. Thoughts? Arguments? Funny limericks?

The Definitive Horror Films: 50-41

2012-10-22T14:45:00.003-04:00

Alfred Hitchcock, courtesy of
wikimedia.org

It's Halloween time again. So, I decided to break out another definitive list, this time focusing on horror films. Now, as with all my definitive lists, this isn't a "best of" list. Not every movie on this list is even good. But, in the history of horror films, they are the most important. Also, understand the definition of "horror" is not the same as the definition of "scary." Jaws is a scary, scary film, but I would never call it a horror film. So, it's not on this list. There are films on this list I wouldn't consider horror, but the general film community defines them as such, so they are included. But not Jaws. That's where I draw the line. We'll start with #50 through #41 and go from there. Let's start with the blood and guts.

#50. The Changeling (1980)

Our countdown starts with one of the best haunted house horror films ever produced. Starring George C. Scott (not Angelina Jolie), The Changeling focuses on a writer whose wife and daughter die in a horrific car accident. As he suffers through his depression and despair, he is encouraged to rent a historic mansion, so he may be alone with his thoughts to write. Unfortunately, he finds that he is not alone in this house, and the ghost of a young murdered child wants to use him to find answers of its own. Director Peter Medak had mostly done TV work, but here he unleashed a standard in haunted house films, where the horror is in what is happening off-screen, as opposed to slapping the audience in the face.

#49. Cat People (1942)

An early indication of how much scarier films can be if you don't see the horror, Jacques Tourneur's Cat People is the story of Serbian immigrant Irena (Simone Simon), as she marries an average American man (Kent Smith) after she comes to the country. Their marriage starts to fall apart, as Irena begins to suspect she suffers from an ancient curse which, when she is emotionally disturbed, will force her to shape shift in to a panther-like creature and attack. Her husband laughs it off and enlists a psychiatrist to help her, but the results are not as simple as that. Tourneur uses light and sound effects to amp up the tension in this simple, but brilliant early example of audience creating the fear in their own minds.

#48. The Descent (2005)

Near the beginning of the torture horror fad that we have yet to fully escape, Neil Marshall took a group of no-name actresses, threw them in a cave, and made one of the best horror films of the last 15 years. At a time when box office horror hits were gory and violent, Marshall decided to create a world where the scariest things had nothing to do with the monsters that would eventually appear. Following a group of cave explorers, The Descent finds them eventually trapped in the cave system. And, just so that wasn't scary enough, they are being hunted by a strange type of predator. One of the best examples of an old fashioned horror films in a world or gore, The Descent shines above most of the scares we've seen lately.

#47. Dead Ringers (1988)

You don't see many actors receiving Oscars as an apology for ignoring their work in a horror film very often. But, it happened to Jeremy Irons, who won the Oscar for Reversal of Fortune in 1990, prompting him to thank director David Cronenberg for his work on this film. Cronenberg is a master of psychological horror (he's on this list a few more times) and Dead Ringers may be his grand masterpiece in the genre, a twisted story of twin gynecologists - one more confident and mentally superior to the other - who "share" women. That is, until the lesser of the twins falls in love with an actress (also a patient), forcing them to take on each other and the psychological games that have been played for years. Irons is magnificent in both roles and Cronenberg dials up the terror that affects much deeper than the surface scares of most horror films.

#46. Re-Animator (1985)

A severed head. Anybody familiar with the film knows where the iconic scene goes from there. Stuart Gordon's feature film debut centers on a medical student (Jeffrey Combs) and his girlfriend (Barbara Crampton), and their participation in some twisted experiments as a new, somewhat strange students comes to town. Based on an H.P. Lovecraft story, Gordon allows the film to begin as a somewhat farcical, comedic story, but eventually devolves into a all out gore fest. As the students begin working to re-animate dead flesh and cadavers, the story goes out the window and ridiculousness ensues, most notably involving the severed head I mentioned earlier. In a decade of crazy concepts and silly ideas, Re-Animator may take the cake for sheer imagination and insanity.

#45. Paranormal Activity (2007)

Oh, found footage movies...how you've ruined the horror genre. Though it wasn't the first, 2007's Paranormal Activity is certainly the most duplicated, specifically by its own production crew (they are on #4 now). Though this doesn't technically qualify as a found footage film, it follows the same premise, as a family moves into the suburbs, only to find themselves haunted by a demon. We watch the entire film through the security cameras, waiting for things to jump, shift, and appear. While the concept can make for some terrifying moments, it sacrifices story in an effort to get quick scares, instead of building suspense. But, what do I know? Apparently people like them, and we get a new movie like it every six months now.

#44. The Brood (1979)

Back to David Cronenberg. After some low budget horror and a strange car racing movie, Cronenberg unleashed a psychological horror film that would set the stage for the types of films he would make going forward. The Brood centers around an institutionalized woman named Nola (Samantha Eggar) and her psychiatrist's (Oliver Reed) unconventional method of treatment, relating to an affliction he calls psychplasmics - the physical manifestation of mental rage, which appears as welts, boils, or worse. Meanwhile, the town is seeing a number of murders, at the hands of group of mutant children. As Nola's husband investigates the therapist's techniques, he begins to see a connection between the two mysteries. Cronenberg's obsession with body dimorphism and the psychological toll we put upon ourselves is in full effect here, giving birth (no pun intended...well, not entirely) to some of the most disturbing scenes in horror film history.

#43. Misery (1990)

And the Oscar goes to...Kathy Bates for this Rob Reiner adaptation of one of Stephen King's best horror novels. Misery centers around author Paul Sheldon (James Caan), as he gets stranded in a snow storm, only to be rescued y a fan named Annie (Bates), taking him to her secluded cabin. Sheldon has recently decided to kill off one of his most popular characters from his series of novels and this doesn't sit well with Annie. So, instead of mending Sheldon and sending him on his way, Annie decides to hold the author hostage and force him to write a new novel, starring her favorite character. The suspense is seething, Bates is magnificent and terrifying, and the claustrophobia Reiner creates is spine tingling. Your ankles will never feel the same again.

#42. Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

Long before the found footage I mention above became the norm, Italian director Ruggero Deodato released Cannibal Holocaust, spreading the rumor that the footage was found after a camera crew went to film a documentary about lost cannibal tribes in the Amazon. Though completely fictional, the guise he created, paired with the grotesque imagery was stomach-turning, even in a time when social media didn't spread gossip like wildfire. It would eventually be equaled and surpassed in terms of bloody imagery, it was one of the first films that depended heavily on what viewers saw on screen, which was truly unsettling. It eventually amounts to nothing more than a snuff film, but Deodato's ingenious idea led to plenty of imitators, some good, most bad.

#41. Repulsion (1965)

Roman Polanski's first English language film is probably his most visceral, relying on his lead actress to shoot the tension to other worldly levels. Repulsion stars Catherine Deneuve as Carol, a beautiful, virginal manicurist who lives with her sister. She hates her sister's lover - a married man - which helps build her objection to sexuality, though she has a dedicated boyfriend. When her sister leaves for a holiday with her lover, Carol begins to unravel, locking herself in the apartment, refusing to exit. She has seemingly schizophrenic hallucinations and we watch her mind deteriorate, as she begins to turn on people she loves and aggressively acts out as a result. A terrifying look at a mind's breakdown, Polanski's first foray into English is an unforgettable one.

Well, there's our first ten. We have forty more to go, so don't assume I forgot your favorites yet. You'll see.

Five Best Plus: Movies of 2001

2012-09-11T09:34:00.002-04:00

reflecting pool at Ground Zero courtesy
of abcnews.com

In 2001, we didn't have a space odyssey. However, we did suffer through an event that changed the United States and the world, as the World Trade Center towers were destroyed, the Pentagon was badly damaged, and countless victims were killed on those planes and in those buildings. On the 11 year anniversary of that terrible tragedy, let's look at why the year 2001 could also be looked at as a pretty successful year in the world of motion pictures. Below are the five best films of that landmark year (the year I graduated from high school, too), as well as a few others to remember and a couple I have yet to see.

courtesy of businessinsider.com

In the Bedroom

This is certainly a melodramatic pick, but Todd Field's film is still one of the darkest, most moving looks at grief, mortality, and revenge in recent memory. In the Bedroom features Tom Wilkinson and Sissy Spacek in fantastic performances, dealing with their son's (Nick Stahl) relationship with an older woman, played by Marissa Tomei. Unfortunately, Tomei's ex-husband (William Mapother) is a little angry and aggressive, which worries all involved and leads to a catastrophic event. Mutely photographed and gut-wrenching to deal with, the film sits on the shoulders of Spacek and Wilkinson, who were both nominated for Oscars, as well as Tomei (the film was also nominated for Best Picture and Adapted Screenplay). Field's film shows pain and anguish, but refuses to answer the questions we have on how to handle it.

courtesy of dailyfilmdose.com

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

I may be in the minority, but I still think this is the best of Peter Jackson's trilogy, mostly because it focuses more on the characters themselves, as opposed to the quest. You know the story: a band of travelers are sent on a journey to Mount Mordor to destroy the "one ring" so that the dark lord Sauron may lose control of Middle Earth. Starring a bevy of solid performers, including Christopher Lee, Ian McKellen, Elijah Wood, and Viggo Mortensen, Fellowship of the Ring sets the stage for one of the most epic trilogies we may ever see. If you need me to explain more, then you were probably living under a rock for the last ten years. Or you are, in fact, ten years old. Even then, you've probably seen the films.

courtesy of hollywoodjesus.com

Memento

The world was widely introduced to a young auteur named Christopher Nolan with Memento, a thriller starring Guy Pearce as a man suffering from short-term memory loss. Using notes he finds and tattoos, he makes it his mission to find out what happened to his wife, only to lead him to shocking results. Also starring Carrie-Anne Moss and Joe Pantoliano, Nolan's second film uses broken narrative and film noir techniques to build a crazy, but fascinating mystery that broke new ground in terms of filmmaking, spawning countless imitators. Though many may try, none may ever match this independent gem that, while it may be a far cry from the blockbuster films Nolan makes now, Memento still may stand as his best.

courtesy of seeing-stars.com

Mulholland Dr.

Don't misinterpret this as a pretentious pick, though I would never tell myself that I love this David Lynch acid trip of a film. But, while I (and most others) still may be baffled by what exactly happened in Mulholland Dr., it has imprinted itself so deeply in my psyche that I can't ignore it. After all, a well-made film is supposed to do that, right? Centering around a young woman recovering from amnesia, this dream-fueled film set in Los Angeles starring Naomi Watts and Laura Harring is the mother of all head-scratchers. Like I said, I can't entirely explain what it's about, but something about the film grabs a hold of your mind and twists it into a knot. The imagery is unforgettable, the plot is non-discernible, and David Lynch once again proves that he is a master of cinematic psychosis.

courtesy of tumblr.com

Spirited Away

Japanese animation master Hayao Miyazaki's 2001 masterpiece Spirited Away still stands as one of the greatest animated films ever made (that includes American animation, too). The story of a ten year old girl who wanders off from her family's new home in country and enters a fantastical world is visually stunning and surprisingly heartfelt. After Chihiro's parents are turned into pigs, she must venture into a fantasy world were animals become humans (and vice versa), witches rules, and she is forced to do slave labor at a bathhouse filled with mystical creatures. An unbelievably beautiful film about growing up and taking responsibility for yourself, Spirited Away is a coming-of-age story of the most sublime animation you may ever see.

Eleven years ago, this country was changed forever. Thankfully, we also have a laundry list of great films that came out in one of America's darkest hours to look back on fondly.

Other 2001 Films of Note

Amelie
Black Hawk Down
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Donnie Darko
The Man Who Wasn't There
Monsters, Inc.
The Royal Tenenbaums

Critically Acclaimed 2001 Films I Haven't Seen

Ghost World
Y Tu Mama Tambien

Five Best Plus: My Personal Blind Spots

2012-09-04T11:03:00.004-04:00

courtesy of quora.com

The other day, I was talking to my boss when she revealed a disheartening fact: she had never seen The Matrix. While I would never put the film in the pantheon of the greatest movies ever made, it's still necessary viewing for anyone older than fifteen years old in this day and age. It was a pretty definitive film in the 1990's, after all. But, it got me thinking - I claim to be such a lover of film and film history, but I have a number of films that every movie critic and enthusiast should see that I have not. In fact, all of these are found on "Sight and Sound's" recent poll of the greatest films of all time. So, while it pains me to do so, these are the films at the top of my "must see" list if I want people in the film criticism community to take me seriously. Here we go...I'm sorry.

courtesy of lolablueblog.com

Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927)

In 1928, the first Oscars were given out. Best Picture went to the silent classic Wings, while a second, now non-existent award went to F.W. Murnau's Sunrise, called "Unique and Artistic Production." The film, based on the Carl Mayer short story "A Trip to Tilsit," starred George O'Brien and Janet Gaynor as an unnamed married couple. A woman from the city (Margaret Livingston) arrives and lingers, baiting the husband into an affair. She convinces him to kill his wife, though he cannot follow through with the act. The movie is mysterious and moving, using limited title cards. Consistently viewed as one of the first great films ever made, Murnau's German expressionist film does more with the camera than plenty of much more "showy" films.

courtesy of cinecismonline.com

The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928)

Another silent film, this time from Carl Dreyer. What is typically called one of the more agonizing films to sit through, this French film has one of the greatest screen performances of all time from Renee Jeanne Falconetti. It details the trial, imprisonment, torture, and execution of French hero at the hands of the English. I began watching this once, but got sidetracked and never finished. It's not really a film you "half watch." Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ takes a much more brutal, but much less mystifying approach to the subject, while Dreyer's film still stands as a landmark to what film should be and how performances should be sculpted.

courtesy of kellimarshall.net

The Rules of the Game (1939)

Another film I began watching, but was taken away and never finished. Jean Renoir's adaptation of Alfred de Musset's "Les Caprices de Marianne" is a stopping point in the history of films criticizing and making fun of the upper class, especially in the European sector. The film focuses on a group of bourgeois at the beginning of World War II, all meeting in a French chateau, floating in and out of relationships and disagreements. The topic would eventually be tackled in surreal fashion by directors like Luis Bunuel, but Renoir's original is a realistic, though somewhat comical look at how silly the nature of the ruling class can be when love is involved.

courtesy of filmfanatic.org

Tokyo Story (1953)

To make this entry even worse, I don't believe I've seen any Yasujiro Ozu films at all, let alone this one, typically recognized as his greatest. The film revolves around an elderly couple and their trip into the city to see their children and grandchildren. When they arrive, they find their offspring has little time or use for them, resulting in them being sent away to a resort. From there, it becomes a moving discussion on mortality and what it means to suffer neglect. Written by Ozu and co-writer Kogo Noda, this film is consistently put near the top of the greatest films of all time, though it remains unseen by me.

courtesy of thelarkeyexperiments.com

L'Avventura (1960)

When I began heavily reading about and researching film, becoming completely engrossed in film history and criticism in the late 90's, this was at the top of my list of foreign films to see (along with Last Year at Marienbad, which I still haven't seen, but I wouldn't call "necessary" quite yet). Somehow I never got around to it. Michelangelo Antonioni's story of a woman's disappearance and the subsequent search and love story has always sounded incredibly interesting to me, especially given Antonioni's use of broken narrative and alternative camera and storytelling techniques. Actually, all of Antonioni's career is still unseen by me, so I have more work to do after this one.

courtesy of thefilmshop.co.uk

Au Hasard Balthazar (1966)

Robert Bresson's masterpiece of French New Wave Au Hasard Balthazar is a simple story about a donkey, his life and eventual death. Widely recognized as one of the great studies on spirituality and saintliness, Balthazar gives us the world through the eyes of the loved, then mistreated beast of burden, as he gets passed from owner to owner, each one treating him differently. As time progresses, the title animal serves as our sight into the windows of various lives: the donkey's unwavering obedience serving as a nonjudgmental glimpse the audience can never achieve. While we, as a society, look at everyone through our own gloss, Balthazar's unfiltered vision gives Bresson another camera that makes the film one of the most original looks at society and human behavior.

courtesy of wexarts.org

Persona (1966)

Ingmar Bergman's film catalog is something to behold, with entries like The Seventh Seal, Fanny and Alexander, and Wild Strawberries. But, Persona is the one that stands out, and I have yet to see it. The story focuses on a young nurse sent to care for an actress who, by all accounts seems fine, but will not speak. As time carries on, the two form an unreasonably close bond and the line between the two of them begins to blur, making it difficult to tell one from the other in terms of personality and behavior. It's a fascinating storyline and one I'm shamed to say I haven't taken the time to view yet. I've seen John Woo's Face/Off though. Does that count for anything?

courtesy of pixmule.com

The Mirror (1974)

Confession: up until this year, I had never even heard of this film. Possibly the greatest Russian filmmaker of all time, Andrew Tarkovskiy delivered a number of great films in his short life. I, personally, have only seen Solaris. I went back and forth between The Mirror and his other film, 1979's Stalker. But, after a lot of research and critical lists, I settled on this one. In The Mirror, a man is on the verge of dying and begins to remember his life - his childhood during World War II, his youth, and the disintegration of his family. Tarkovskiy uses a mix of flashbacks, historical footage and poetry to deliver his story, which doubles as a narrative on the history of Russian federation and where it stands. I'll tell you this much - I'm certainly aware of it now.

courtesy of johnnyvong.com

In the Mood for Love (2000)

Finally, the most recent on the list: Kar Wai Wong's story of a man and woman in Hong Kong who form an unlikely bond as they commiserate over their respective spouses' extra-marital activities. But, while they form a growing friendship, their refusal to stoop to the depths of their spouses forms one of the more difficult love stories to tell. Kay Wai Wong's career has featured other highlights (i.e. Chungking Express), but none have measured up to this critically acclaimed masterpiece. One of only two films from the 21st century on "Sight and Sound's" most recent list (Mulholland Dr.), In the Mood for Love has proven a critical impact larger than almost any other film in the past 25 years.

Again - my guess is that the normal moviegoer hasn't seen any of these films. But, to call myself a true film enthusiast and film critic, I need to see these (plus many more). Fellow critics - please forgive me. I know not what I do. I came to this game relatively late, but I have plenty of time. I'm only 29, after all.

Five Best Plus: Movie Actors in Music Videos

2012-08-15T09:39:00.004-04:00

Bruce Willis in The Gorillaz' video
for "Stylo" courtesy of imabearetc.com

Plenty of music video directors have become pretty successful film directors, but how often do we see a performer in a video become a big name movie actor? If it's happened, I can't think of it (no - Courtney Cox doesn't count). But, ironically, it seems to randomly happen in the opposite direction. Below are two lists: great appearances and terrible appearances by movie actors in music videos. Note that none of these are the actors trying to kick start a movie career or appears in clips from a movie of which the song happens to be on the soundtrack.

NOTE: I admit to playing some favorites here, but if the song is bad, it, in turn, makes the video pretty bad. And I will admit to liking some very bad music.
THE GOOD

Kim Basinger
Song: "Mary Jane's Last Dance" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

A great entry from Tom Petty from the mid 90's that was partially popular because of the darkly funny video. Basinger was still a hot commodity at the time, especially since she had just tied the knot with other A-list star Alec Baldwin. It was a simpler time for the actress who would go on to win the Best Support Actress Oscar for L.A. Confidential. Her downward spiral continues today, but one of her better, stranger performances still exists in this short video, accompanied by a great song and a weirdly funny performance from Tom Petty himself.

Chevy Chase
Song: "You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon

In between his run on "Saturday Night Live" and current role on NBC's "Community," Chase was a well paid comedic movie actor, striking gold with Caddyshack in 1980 and the National Lampoon Vacation series, along with a number of other hits through the 80's. In 1986, he starred alongside music legend Paul Simon in the second video Simon made for his single, after he hated his first one. Directed by Gary Weis and partly conceived by Lorne Michaels, the video is essentially Chase lip-synching the entire song, while the diminutive Simon watches on. Great comedic video - great song.

Robert Downey Jr.
Song: "I Want Love" by Elton John

Elton John is a music legend, though his late career music has been less than stellar. But in 2001, he released the single "I Want Love," accompanied by a video featuring Robert Downey, Jr. lip-synching the entire song while in the Greystone mansion - Elton John doesn't even appear in the video. It timed well, given that Downey was getting a second chance in the entertainment industry, finding success on Fox's "Ally McBeal" and movies like Wonder Boys. It's a touching video and runs as a nice parallel to Downey's personal struggles - alone in a large, empty house, yearning for companionship.

Scarlett Johansson
Song: "What Goes Around...Comes Around" by Justin Timberlake

In between all the movies and guest hosting gigs on "Saturday Night Live," Justin Timberlake is a musician, too (don't question that, even if you don't like him). His second solo album was released in 2006, titled "FutureSex/LoveSounds" and showed major growth beyond his boy band roots. One of the biggest hits from the album was this song, accompanied by an epic video starring Scarlett Johansson who, apparently, he never really dated (could've fooled me). Still - a solid single with an extended video that feels like it could branch out into various subplots never hurts, especially when you want to transition into acting, as he since has pretty successfully.

Mila Kunis
Song: "Jaded" by Aerosmith

Late 90's and 00's Aerosmith has been more than hyper-commercialized, sacrificing a lot of the less studio-style rock for which the band originally became popular. While this entry from their sub-par 2000 album "Just Push Play" isn't a great song, the video adds a weird sort of campiness to it that has since grown on me. Starring then TV actress and now movie actress Mila Kunis, it showcases the star as a type of sideshow the crowd watches at an opera house. Somehow it all works and makes for a relatively compelling video. Mostly it works because Kunis is so gorgeous. Scratch that - that's the only reason it works.

Christopher Walken
Song: "Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim

The grand daddy of them all, British DJ Fatboy Slim's 2001 song "Weapon of Choice" is nothing without this incredibly simple, but unbelievably entertaining video. It won the Grammy for Best Short Form Video and it's easy to see why: it features Christopher Walken sitting in the Los Angeles Marriott and breaking out into intricate choreography, eventually leading to him flying around the lobby. Directed by now successful filmmaker Spike Jonze, it's easily one of the top five music videos ever produced, thanks to Walken and his background training in musical theater and dance.

THE BAD

Zooey Deschanel
Song: "She's Got Issues" by The Offspring

In the early 90's, The Offspring rode a wave of pop punk and alternative rock to garner a hefty fan base, my ten year old self included. As time passed, they never grew out of their childish lyricism, releasing "Americana" in 1998, spawning a number of charting hits. One of those was "She's Got Issues," an immature song with a pretty stupid video directed by the team of Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, who would go on to direct Little Miss Sunshine. The video stars a young Zooey Deschanel the year before she started her professional rise with 2000's Almost Famous. Just a bad, bad video and song. On the plus side, Deschanel would all but make up for it in 2002 as Jimmy Fallon's girlfriend in his video for "Idiot Boyfriend," a fun parody song that all but erases this piece of garbage.

Jennifer Love Hewitt and Mickey Rourke
Song: "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias

Don't get me wrong - I adore the way the cheese just drips off this song and this video. Plus, it starred my celebrity crush at the time, Jennifer Love Hewitt. But as fun and over dramatic as the song and video are, it's just not very good. It's a sad revelation that this may be one of Love Hewitt's best performances on film and, though it was nice to see Mickey Rourke doing anything, it's an insane attempt at trying to build a layered story in a short video that is just a way to show all the performers sweating. Videos can build extensive worlds and stories in five minutes, but this one can't. Not all that appealing.

Keanu Reeves
Song: "Rush Rush" by Paula Abdul

And you thought "Hero" was cheesy. Paula Abdul was in the middle of her chart domination when she released this song in May of 1991, accompanied by a Rebel Without a Cause themed video starring Keanu Reeves. The problem: a sappy love song played over a video about a bad boy falling in love with a good girl, leading to a drag race. James Dean and Natalie Wood would be so ashamed. Somehow, Keanu Reeves is a bad actor even when he doesn't have to speak. I'm not sure why Abdul wears four different dresses in the cutaways when she's dancing/singing either. It makes no sense. But when someone switchblades your car tire, I guess you have to defend yourself.

Julia Roberts
Song: "Dreamgirl" by Dave Matthews Band

The glorified jam band has made a habit of staying as close to being a true pop band as they can without just sacrificing their "credibility." One of the ways to give that up is to involve America's sweetheart in your stupid, stupid video. The song is off of their 2005 studio album "Stand Up" (also, not a great album) and grabbed Roberts because she's a big fan of the group. It's not one of DMB's better songs, accompanied by a video that just features Matthews watching a movie with a faceless guy and Julia Roberts. I seriously have no explanation for this. It's terrible.

Chris Tucker, Marlon Brando, and Michael Madsen
Song: "You Rock My World" by Michael Jackson

When you're Michael Jackson, you have some draw. I doubt it was a problem getting Chris Tucker to to do the video, since I'd barely define him as an "actor." Michael Madsen probably needed a little convincing, but money talks. Marlon Brando was probably just summoned by a hefty sum of money and a sandwich. Either way, late career Michael Jackson was not so great and, while here he's trying so hard to recapture the glory of his past videos like "Smooth Criminal" with a pseudo-gangster theme, it just fell flat. This is the shorter version of the video - the extended version is even worse.

Robin Williams
Song: "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin

Paul Simon's video above is the right way to feature a comedic actor. Bobby McFerrin's one hit wonder "Don't Worry Be Happy" was accompanied by this crazy video with Robin Williams...well...being Robin Williams. It was funny to me in elementary school - now it's just irritating. Also featuring Bill Irwin (Mr. Noodle on "Sesame Street's Elmo's World"), the video is carefree and silly, just like the song. But - also just like the song - it grates on your nerves after a while.

I'm not sure where you can see any of these videos on cable anymore, since neither MTV nor VH1 plays videos anymore. But, there was a time when music videos could be viewed as brilliant pieces of art...and train wrecks. In the meantime, here's Jimmy Fallon's "Idiot Boyfriend," starring Zooey Deschanel as a bonus. Enjoy.

Five Best Plus: Movies I Own That Call My Manhood into Question

2012-08-13T10:14:00.000-04:00

Host Chris Harrison courtesy
of sheknows.com

Ask any of my high school friends - I've never really been ashamed about being a little bit more "sensitive." I wasn't a closet *NSync fan - I liked them and didn't deny it. I publicly serenaded two girls I never even dated, for God's sake. But nowadays, I get a hard time at my office because I have essentially turned in my "man card," especially since I've watched a few too many seasons of "The Bachelor/ette." But, in my expansive DVD/Blu Ray collection, I still only own a few films that really put a black mark on my masculinity record. Today, I will confess to them all - here they are, with a list of my justifications for owning each and why I'm not ashamed. This should be liberating.

courtesy of collider.com

Can't Hardly Wait (1998)

It came out while I was in high school and it is, in fact, about high school kids. See the connection?
I was in love with Jennifer Love Hewitt at the time, regardless of how bad an actress she is.
I didn't own this movie until recently, when my brother decided to get rid of a lot of DVDs. So I took it from him (along with a bunch of others) for very little money.
It's a surprisingly funny movie. Seth Green is great in it, I love Ethan Embree's hopeless romantic performance, and the kid who was in Dick Tracy and Hook (Charlie Korsmo) is pretty good. It's like if the American Pie films cleaned it up a bit and focused less on the dirty humor, but still managed to appeal to a younger demographic.

courtesy of dionwynhughes.wordpress.com

Cruel Intentions (1999)

This was the first DVD I remember purchasing on my own, so it holds some weird nostalgia to it. I think I bought it at K-Mart.
It's pretty campy and fun - crazy melodramatic and overdone, but a blast.
It's based on the Pierre Choderlos de Laclos novel Les Liaisons dangereuses. So it's a classic novel adaptation. That makes it legit, right?
I don't remember why I originally saw this movie, but odds are it had something to do with Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar kissing.
Ryan Phillipe is pretty good in the film as the snarky rich kid, and it's funny to see a time when he and Reese Witherspoon were in love...or just beginning it, anyway.

courtesy of misstoptenimage.blogspot.com

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

Hey - this movie was nominated for Best Picture. That has to hold some weight.
I like musicals (yeah...I know) and I like the use of pop hits in a film that doesn't really take place in a contemporary setting.
Baz Luhrmann made a pretty fun version of Romeo and Juliet - I enjoy his style, to a point. Plus, Ewan McGregor is a good actor, and it's fun to see him in a role like this.
I'm a softy for an unrequited love story, especially when it has a medley of love songs that takes place in an elephant.
It's all over the place - lots of colors, camera movement, and insanity.

courtesy of qwipster.net

Pearl Harbor (2001)

I know - this thing puts a mark on my movie snob board also. In retrospect, it's not just cheesy, but terrible. Just not a good film at all.
I originally bought it because I loved the attack scene. And I'll stick to that. For no other reason that the explosions.
Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous. I don't think I have to explain anything after that.
I really can't support this one as well as my others. I'm kind of disappointed in myself for still owning this.
Seriously - I got rid of My Best Friend's Wedding, but still own this one? I need to take a hard look at my life.

courtesy of ew.com

Chicago (2002)

Again, I like musicals. Well, good musicals, anyway. I actually saw this movie in the theater twice. Once by myself and once at a dinner and a movie place with some friends in Johnstown, PA.
The film won Best Picture (though undeservedly so). Regardless, it's still a good movie.
I really don't care for Renee Zellwegger in the film (or in anything really), but the rest of the cast is great. Catherine Zeta Jones is terrific, Richard Gere is a lot of fun, and Queen Latifah gives a standout performance.
Rob Marshall's approach to the musical numbers is innovative, in that a number of them get performed in sort of a fantasy/dream sequence way. It's different than what I'm used to.

courtesy of mattfind.com

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

It's a funny little independent film that I watched for a film class and went out and bought afterward.
It's a clever, Oscar nominated screenplay, regardless of how downhill Nia Vardalos and her career has gone since.
The supporting cast is magnificent. Yes, a number of them play pretty one dimensional roles, but they are funny enough to make the film an enjoyable experience.
I like that Vardalos has her husband in the film, but not as her love interest. I wonder if that got uncomfortable on set.
It's produced by Tom Hanks and his wife. I trust his better judgment (this was before The Da Vinci Code, mind you).

My wife has a number of films that either I bought for her or she had before we met, but I don't consider those "mine." That being said, I love Little Women (1994).

Five Best Plus: Movies I Shouldn't Have Watched with My Son

2012-08-10T11:30:00.000-04:00

"Peppa Pig" courtesy of
nickutopia.com

Before I begin this post, I maintain that I am a GOOD father. My children are both under two years old and don't really pay attention to what's happening on TV yet unless it involves "Dino Dan," "Peppa Pig," or a "Baby Einstein" video. All I'm saying is that I watched these movies when my oldest son was very little and sleeping for most of the film or just playing in the room for a while. He wasn't watching TV with me, exactly, but he was there when things were happening on screen. If something really bad came on screen, I stopped it or covered his eyes, I swear.

courtesy of onedayin1896.blogspot.com

The Seventh Continent (1989)

One of the "happiest" films I can remember, Michael Haneke's feature film debut is a dark, depressing look at a family who has had enough with their mundane and repetitive lives, so they make the decision to destroy everything they own and kill themselves. The fact that the couple has a daughter certainly makes it a little more sensitive, given my son was less than a year old when I first watched the film. Imagine being told by your parents that you - as a unit - are going to destroy all you own and end your lives. And you don't really have a choice. My son didn't seem too broken up about the film - he's got pretty thick skin.

courtesy of filmmasterjournal.com

Dancer in the Dark (2000)

Bjork's music is...an "acquired" taste...but her performance in Lars Von Trier's Dancer in the Dark is both meek and surreal. Unfortunately, it's still a Von Trier film (though it is a musical), which means it is unbelievably uncomfortable to sit through. As she dreams of a happier world filled with music, she toils away at a factory, as a terrible performer in a local theater, and as sole caretaker for her son, whom she fears will lose his sight as she has. So, she saves money to pay for an operation she prays will help him. Then there's the murder, the attempted rape, and a hanging, so it's the perfect kids movie. Regardless, my son was in his jumper for most of the film. I'm not sure he loved it...told me there were some pacing problems.

courtesy of internetvideoarchive.com

Dogtooth (2009)

This one probably takes the cake for this list - a borderline exploitative look at reality in the sheltered eyes of the beholders. The Greek film centers around a family who lives in a gated off area, including a father that leaves for work every day, a wife, two daughters and a son who have never been outside of the walls of the property. As dad makes up stuff as he goes along, he does all he can to prevent his family from experiencing the world around them, except in the context he provides. But, as his son grows older and begins to mature, he unwillingly allows another into their lives to fill his physical needs, only to see her influence go beyond her purpose. Some incest, nudity, and the graphic death of a cat all led me to believe it was G rated, but my son slept through the whole thing. He doesn't like subtitles.

courtesy of starkinsider.com

Rabbit Hole (2010)

Certainly nowhere near as visually offensive as the first three on the list, John Cameron Mitchell's adaption of David Lindsay-Abaire's play was a bad idea in topic alone to watch with my son. The story of a young couple dealing with the death of their infant son (yes - I decided mine should be in the room with me) is an emotional drain on anyone who has ever had children; my only child (at the time) was in his jumper, exercising and minding his own business. Needless to say, this brilliant drama was made even more affecting by his presence, ending with me holding him and crying like a baby. I'd still suggest anyone watch the film, but put the kids to bed first. It's brutal.

courtesy of guardian.co.uk

The Kids Are Alright (2010)

This really has nothing to do with the topic, as it does with the one scene in the middle between Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo that gets really graphic really quickly. Thankfully, I was quick to shield his eyes. Regardless, this Oscar nominee was a terribly overrated film - slow, plodding, and boring, brought down by terrible performances from the two children (Josh Hutcherson and Mia Wasikowska). Moore, Ruffalo, and Annette Bening do a great job, but even they can't pull up what is really an underdeveloped story that doesn't really go anywhere. I'm more upset that my son had to sit through that than almost seeing simulated sex on screen.

courtesy of soundopinions.org

Drive (2011)

I saw this one in the theater first, but loved it so much that I wanted to re-watch it when it came to Netflix streaming. Unfortunately, I had forgotten how graphic some of the moments were and the graphic nudity in the middle of the film. Thankfully, I was quick on the trigger to skip ahead or turn it off. Nicolas Winding Refn's stylish noir has Ryan Gosling at his quietest, along with a laundry list of great performances. Take out the fork scene, the hammer scene, the elevator scene, the robbery segment, the nudity, and the profanity and it's a pretty clean film, right? It's about driving cars! Or, as my son would say, "Cahh-AH! Voom!"

So, there you go. Don't judge me - I would rather my sons be exposed to these films before I'd ever let them watch anything on MTV or "Toddlers & Tiaras."

Five Best Plus: Wes Anderson Moments

2012-08-08T09:57:00.000-04:00

courtesy of wordpress.hotpress.com

I have yet to see Moonrise Kingdom, but that doesn't keep me from being a huge Wes Anderson fan. His quirky (though admittedly sometimes distant) filmmaking is right up my alley and I find myself more affected than most by his messages and his decisions. I got to thinking about all the fabulous moments he has constructed in his films through use of music, dialogue, and camera work. I tried to keep it to one moment per movie, but couldn't do it. I love The Royal Tennenbaums way too much. So, let's take a look at the five moments that show Anderson at his best and can give newcomers to his films the best introduction.

Get Off My Boat - The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

[Pardon the language of the clip above]
In what is probably Anderson's least accessible film to date, he puts Bill Murray on a boat with his crew trying to find the shark that killed his partner. Murray plays the title captain, only to find his boat is eventually hijacked by Filipino pirates. But, Zissou is not a man who gives up his quests so easily. He puts his entire crew at jeopardy (including Willem Dafoe, Owen Wilson, and Cate Blanchett) as he single-handedly takes down the intruders, all to the soundtrack of Iggy Pop and the Stooges' "Search and Destroy." Though Anderson tends to keep his action short and low key, when he puts together a sequence involving some gunfire and a few duck and cover moments, he does a fine job.

By Way of the Green Line Bus - The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

My favorite of Anderson's films is the story of a family of geniuses, broken up because of the dishonest behavior of the father, Royal (Gene Hackman). Early in the film, former tennis great Richie (Luke Wilson) is returning home after being in seclusion at sea and has his sister Margot (Gwenyth Paltrow) arrive at the bus station to pick him up. While Anderson uses slow motion quite a bit in his films, this sequence is probably his best, a short, sweet view of a misunderstood love between a brother and his adopted sister, played down for years. Paired with beautiful indie music from Nico, the zooms and gentle camera movements give us more romance than any words ever could. And, just like typical Anderson, it all ends with an awkwardly charming moment between the two.

Battle of Wits - Rushmore (1998)

Anderson's first minor success was the story of a habitually overachieving student named Max (Jason Schwartzman) and his idol, a local successful, though increasingly depressed businessman (Bill Murray) and their battle over the same woman, a teacher (Olivia Williams) at Max's school, Rushmore. Their relationship begins out of mutual respect and fondness, only to evolve into a full fledged pissing match, best embodied by this brilliant and hilarious montage set to The Who's "A Quick One While He's Away." Even as they one up each other, they still seem to have a twisted admiration for what the other is doing. The slow motion shot of Schwartzman coming out of the elevator and sticking his gum to the wall is enough to get me every time.

Richie's Breakdown - The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

One more from The Royal Tenenbaums in a scene which may stand as Anderson's most heart-breaking. After learning about Margot (Gwenyth Paltrow) and her many indiscretions over the years, Richie (Luke Wilson) finds himself contemplating suicide, first taking the time to clean himself up a bit. Set to Elliot Smith's haunting "Needle in the Hay," the scene fades in from an uncomfortably funny one, the music beginning before we even move to the bathroom, where most of the action takes places. It's chilling, especially when you consider Smith actually took his own life. And, in true Wes Anderson fashion, the weight is lifted by a far less dramatic exchange between Margot and Dudley (Stephen Lea Sheppard).

The Rules of Whack-a-Bat - Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

To this day, it's probably the easiest for any casual viewer to enjoy, but Fantastic Mr. Fox is still pure Wes Anderson through and through. Based on the Roald Dahl short story, this story of a heroic fox who works to save his community from a farmer's retaliation that he provokes. Underneath the and larger picture is a brewing rivalry between Mr. Fox's (George Clooney) son Ash (Jason Schwartzman) and his cousin Kristofferson (Eric Chase Anderson), who seems the logical choice to follow in his cunning father's footsteps. The game Anderson and staff came up with (which seems a little like cricket) goes a long way in purveying this rivalry, along with some fast talking from Owen Wilson.

Beneath all the quirky humor, Anderson's films really do have a lot of heart. It doesn't hurt that they are hilarious.

Five Best Plus: Fictional Movies with Plots Driven by Real Bands/Artists

2012-07-24T09:11:00.001-04:00

Billy Idol in "The Wedding Singer"
courtesy of ugo.com

Long title for a post, I know. There are plenty of musicals. There are plenty of music documentaries. But how many non-musicals actually have a plot that is somewhat driven by a real band or artist? The movies below are the only ones I could think of (and find through research) where the main story is somewhat driven by a real band or an artist. These films either center around something to do with a real band or somewhere in the film, the movie's plot was set in motion by this band somehow. Again - real bands. I can't say much else. Here they are.

Dazed and Confused (1993)
Artist: Aerosmith

Richard Linklater's plotless tale of the last day of school and the struggles of growing up and having responsibilities is a favorite among college students and pretty much anybody in my age bracket. But through all the smoking and drinking, the major undercurrent of the film is this group's desire to get Aerosmith tickets the next day. In a way, this concert that is only mentioned a few times and never actually attended in the span of the film is the driving force behind all the activities, a lot of the decisions made, and these teenagers' preservation of their youth in their time of trial. It also provides the original necessary plot device to involve the famed Wooderson (Matthew McConaughey), who is taking the tally on who wants a ticket. The group keeps getting bigger and bigger and the party keeps getting better. All right, all right.

Detroit Rock City (1999)
Artist: KISS

In probably the most obvious plot-driving example on this list, the Adam Rifkin little-seen gem doesn't just feature the band. It IS the movie. This film revolves around four 1978 teenagers as they try anything they can to somehow get to a KISS concert. Starring Guiseppe Andrews, Edward Furlong, James DeBello, and Sam Huntington, Detroit Rock City features the four actually playing in their own band (called Mystery) and dying to go see the band that inspired them to become musicians in the first place. It loosely captures that desire to pursue whatever our purpose is at the time when we're teenagers, even if it means lying, cheating, and stealing just to see an arena rock band. Besides - it's KISS. Have some respect.

Saving Silverman (2001)
Artist: Neil Diamond

Oh, this movie is so bad, but I love it so much. Saving Silverman is the story of three friends in a Neil Diamond tribute band. When Darren (Jason Biggs) falls in love with a controlling woman (Amanda Peet), his friends (Steve Zahn and Jack Black) decide to get him back by forcing him to fall back in love with his high school sweetheart (Amanda Detmer). The movie is all over the place, but it features some good Jack Black moments and the great R. Lee Emery in one of his funnier roles. The sloppy story eventually reaches its conclusion, including a nice extended cameo from Neil Diamond himself. It's stupid and it's ridiculous, but it's a lot of mindless fun set to some pretty great tunes.

Garden State (2004)
Artist: The Shins

This may be a stretch, but think about it again. Zach Braff's directorial debut has a great indie soundtrack, all anchored by The Shins. When Andrew (Braff) meets Sam (Natalie Portman) in a doctor's office, she bubbles with personality and asks him to listen to the song "New Slang" by The Shins on her headphones. This sets the relationship in motion, as we see Sam's expression through Andrew's eyes as he gives it a listen. It's short and sweet, but it's surprising how much this moment influenced the rest of the film. Looking back, the film is a bit self indulgent and pretty whiny, but I was 21 when I first saw it and this film (specifically this moment) really stuck with me for a long time. It's not The Graduate, but it did capture some sort of angst I felt at the time.

I Love You, Man (2009)
Artist: Rush

I watched this movie again over the weekend, inspiring me to make this list. One of the better comedies of the past ten years, I Love You, Man was a broad, though surprisingly honest look at what it means to have a best friend as a guy (I refuse to call it a "bromance"). Peter Klaven (Paul Rudd) is getting married (to a wonderfully cast Rashida Jones...lucky guy), but has no one to be his best man. He meets Sydney (Jason Segal) at a house showing and his life changes. What unites them so closely? A surreal love for the progressive rock band Rush, who actually makes a cameo in the scene above (it's so uncomfortable to watch this in the context of the film). Besides being another solid step into movie stardom for Jason Segal, I Love You, Man took on surprisingly truthful issues about the male relationship and its comparison to the female relationship. It's also hilarious, which helps quite a bit.

Well, that's all I've got. Feel free to remind me of some. But, in closing, I give you one of the better - though stranger - cameos from an artist in a film that is mostly about music. Ladies and gentlemen - Bruce Springsteen in High Fidelity.

Five Best Plus: God and the Devil in the Movies

2012-07-18T12:38:00.004-04:00

courtesy of sunshinesupper.org

I couldn't decide what to write my 100th "Five Best (Plus)" article about. I discussed it with my brother - at first I wanted to do a list about movies that are about lists. That proved to be too difficult. Then, he suggested I do a callback to my favorites of the previous offerings. I wasn't too keen on the idea. Then, low and behold, I turn to Facebook and get a pretty good suggestion from a friend: the best portrayals of God and Satan in films. I'm surprised at how few movies actually have God or the devil literally in them, as opposed to an ethereal presence of them or a representation. But, these are all actual characters in the films. They may be major or minor, but they're in there. So, here we go.

God

courtesy of thetsaritsasez.com

Graham Chapman in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

The troupe from Monty Python has created a bevy of memorable sketches, characters, and films, but their cardboard cutout style animation of the Lord and Creator is one of the best, thanks to the sarcastic, easily annoyed voice of Graham Chapman. When King Arthur and his knights go searching for the holy grail, they run into arrogant French guardsman, a murderous rabbit, and a black knight who won't give up. They turn to God, only to find that he is frustrated with always being prayed to and asked for forgiveness. And don't even get him started on those psalms...they're "so depressing." A fun look at God that only adds to this hilarious comedy classic.

courtesy of getfilm.co.uk

George Burns in Oh God! (1977)

The great Carl Reiner directed this little comic gem about God (George Burns) appearing to a grocery store clerk (John Denver...yes, that John Denver) and makes him his messenger to the world. Oscar Nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay, this strange little story about appreciating the gifts we have on this planet features some solid performances from Denver, Teri Garr, and, of course, Burns, whose God is a fatherlyold man who feels like everybody's grandpa. But, maybe that's the way Reiner, author Avery Coleman, and screenwriter Larry Gelbart wanted him to be. Either way, it works and brought about two sequels.

courtesy of starsandpopcorn.com

Ralph Richardson in Time Bandits (1981)

It just occurred to me that Terry Gilliam directed three of the films on this post ( I wrote this post backwards.) Weird. Anyway, Time Bandits centers around a young boy who hops a boat of dwarfs as they sail through time and steal various artifacts. He technically is never called "God," but Ralph Richardson represents him as the "Supreme Being," chasing these dwarfs as they defy his commands. He is opposed by the "Evil Genius" (David Warner), who represents the devil. In this strange film that features a number of the Monty Python troupe, God appears as an elderly gentleman (or a floating, brightly lit head similar to The Wizard of Oz) trying to gather order in the world he created. A weird movie that I remember liking quite a bit as a child, Time Bandits is off the beaten path just enough to make sense in the Terry Gilliam-Monty Python universe, where God where's a three piece suit.

courtesy of hotflick.net

Alanis Morissette/Alan Rickman in Dogma (1999)

I had to include both of them - after all, Metatron (Rickman) is the voice of God. Kevin Smith's raucous tale of two renegade angels (Matt Damon and Ben Affleck) who, after being sentenced to an eternity in Wisconsin, decide to get back into heaven by invading a New Jersey church on a day of "unquestionable forgiveness of sins," is part theology study, part buddy comedy. Since God is incapacitated for the duration of the film, they make the trip, only to be met by an abortion clinic employee (Linda Florentino), a fallen apostle (Chris Rock), a muse (Salma Hayek), and two stoners (Smith and Jason Mewes). God takes on the form of Alanis Morissette, whose voice would destroy any human; therefore, Rickman has to be her voice (and a wonderful voice he is). A fun film with Catholic mythology gushing everywhere, it's quite the borderline sacrilegious ride.

courtesy of smh.com.au

Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty (2003)

I didn't have a choice, as much as it pained me to include this film. Whether or not you think God looks like Morgan Freeman, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he sounds a lot like him. Well, in Bruce Almighty, Freeman is him, responding to an angry rant from a TV reporter from Buffalo (Jim Carrey). He bestows his powers upon Carrey, granting him the chance to prove that he can use them much more successfully. Other than Freeman's presence, I was never a huge fan of the film (mostly because Carrey grates on my nerves after a while). But, there are few actors who could play God with such grace, wit, and presence.

Satan

courtesy of unrealitymag.com/

Al Pacino in The Devil's Advocate (1997)

I tried to find every possible avenue I could to not include this performance because I just don't like this film. But, in all my research, I had to finally give in to the fact that Al Pacino as the devil has always kind of made sense, at least from the superficial standpoint. The film stars Keanu Reeves as a successful lawyer who finds out that his boss is - you guessed it - Lucifer, played relentlessly by Al Pacino. It's an insanely wild version of the devil - buggy eyes and all. Based on the book by Andrew Neidermann and directed by Taylor Hackford, The Devil's Advocate isn't a bad movie, exactly - I just lose patience with high octane Pacino and this one turns it up to the hottest it can get.

courtesy of celebitchy.com

Trey Parker in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut (1999)

And for a very different version of the devil, we turn to the kids from Colorado. Matt Stone and Trey Parker's iconic television show South Park took on movie theaters in 1999 and, with it, unleashed an overly effeminate, homosexual version of the devil that has succumb to temptation in an on again, off again relationship with recently deceased Saddam Hussein. Voiced by Parker, Satan's underworld is a little different than the Hell we've all heard about, though there are still a number of demons and quite a bit of pain. But, in Stone and Parker's Hell, Satan is just another emotionally abused member of a toxic relationship, trying to get by one day at a time with the added weight of ruling over the eternally damned.

courtesy of hotflick.net

Rosalinda Celetano in Passion of the Christ (2004)

Mel Gibson's epic about the final hours of Jesus was one of the most controversial films of the past 50 years and, among all the accusations of antisemitism and the brutally unflinching violence, stood one of the creepiest portrayals of Satan ever conceived. Essentially wordless and standing from a distance, Rosalinda Celetano's androgynous take on the Prince of Darkness as he watches over the horrifying proceedings holds a control over the film that not even the director could. Celetano's piercing gaze fills the screen in all her appearances, creating a sinister undertone that adds more gruesome weight to the story than even the source material could provide.

courtesy of popcrunch.com

Peter Stormare in Constantine (2005)

Keanu Reeves in another film that includes the devil. I'm seeing a pattern. Reeves stars as John Constantine, a supernatural detective who spends his days on Earth sending demons to Hell. As a child, he committed suicide, only to find his way back into the world of the living, now hoping his acts of goodness can earn him a spot in Heaven. When he is a approached by a detective (Rachel Weisz) to help her solve the case about her twin sister's supposed suicide, he finds himself battling more than mythical demons, eventually coming face to face with Lucifer himself, in the form of Peter Stormare. Stormare plays Satan as a confident creep; he comes off as how you would assume a manipulative pedophile would, justifying his actions through passion and charm. You don't usually see the devil in white, but this is no typical devil.

courtesy of screencrave.com

Tom Waits in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009)

Terry Gilliam's wildly imaginative and wholly confusing film wasn't just the final screen appearance of Heath Ledger. It also served as what may be the most enjoyable depiction of the devil on screen, thanks to Tom Waits. Dr. Parnassus (Christopher Plummer) tells the story of his life, spent living for over 1,000 years. But, when he falls in love with a mortal woman, he trades his immortality in for youth, promising the devil his offspring when she reaches her 16th birthday. With the time approaching, Parnassus must navigate his "imaginarium" as he tries to save his daughter from ending up in the clutches of the devil (or, as the film depicts him, "Mr. Nick"). While the film is better known for Ledger's untimely death and the three actors selflessly stepping in to fill the void (Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell), Waits' performance makes for one of the most likable Satans ever on screen - a fun, scheming gambler who oozes a carefree attitude.

Well, now that we've been to Heaven to Hell and back, let's relax and enjoy the rest of eternity.

The Movies That Defined the 1980's: 10-1

2012-07-16T08:11:00.003-04:00

Dennis Hopper in "Blue Velvet"
courtesy of timesunion.com

And we've come to the end. Want to have a marathon of 80's movies that will bring you into the psyche of the decade? These are your ten. We have some installments from film franchises, a number of iconic comedies, and a few career defining turns from actors and directors. It's been a fun countdown - looking back at all these movies has been a joy, though it's jarring to realize that the 1980's ended over 20 years ago. Either way, it was a nice trip down memory lane. I'm done stalling, so enjoy number 10 through 1.

#10. A Christmas Story (1983)

Holiday movies come and go, but a few stick for all eternity. It's certainly not a movie about the 80's - it doesn't even take place in the 80's. But, A Christmas Story captures the childhood dream of the winter holiday in a way that relates to all children, from all decades. An episodic view of poor Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) and his dysfunctional, but loving family in the weeks leading up to Christmas is one of the most beloved classics, eventually earning its own 24-hour stint on TBS, starting on Christmas Eve. Based on a book written by Jean Shepherd (who also narrated the film), this heartwarming, hilarious story helps all of us recapture the beauty of the season, even if we end up shooting our eye out.

#9. Do the Right Thing (1989)

Never has a film used the weather as a plot device so brilliantly. Spike Lee's visceral Do the Right Thing takes place over a 24-hour period in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn on the hottest day of the year; that's not even the steamiest thing in the film, as racial tensions build and result in unspeakable violence. Though Lee grabbed an Oscar nomination for Original Screenplay and Danny Aiello grabbed a nomination for Supporting Actor, the film's Original Song "Fight the Power" from rap group Public Enemy helped expand the reach, pairing with the motion picture to shine a spotlight on the race war that had been mostly ignored up to that point (not to mention helping rap earn a little more legitimacy). Racism will always exist and films will always be made that tackle the issue, but Spike Lee's films - specifically this one - tend to be on the cutting edge of the topic.

#8. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

It's the best of the original trilogy (yeah, I said it) and it won the Oscar for Best Sound. It's the middle piece of what may be the greatest movie trilogy of all time. It featured one of the biggest twist endings ever seen on film. While Return of the Jedi may have felt like more of an 80's film (with all the puppets and stuff), The Empire Strikes Back took the storyline of the first film and blew it out of the water, providing audiences with the best sequel since The Godfather Part II. The film follows Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) as he trains with Yoda to become a Jedi master, his friends do their best to evade Darth Vader and the Imperial forces. It provided the audience with a twist ending, it deepened the mythology of an already established world, and it brought fringe fans into the fold. You know the rest, so I'll stop while I'm ahead.

#7. Top Gun (1986)

Two years after his big starring role in Risky Business, Tom Cruise co-starred with Val Kilmer, Anthony Edwards, Tom Skerritt, Tim Robbins, and Kelly McGillis in Top Gun, a look inside the Top Gun Naval Flying School and its testosterone-fueled enrollees. When Maverick (Cruise) is promoted to join after his wing-man is out-flown and has a breakdown, he enters a world where he feels the need (not for speed) to both impress and succeed above and beyond his classmates, no matter how toes he steps on along the way. Throw in the love story and you have a movie that, while a little over dramatic, is still a fun watch from start to finish. It won the Oscar for Best Original Song but, more importantly, gave Cruise even more ammunition to continue his reign as box office champion. Food for thought: Maverick led his partner into that no fly zone...what if Maverick is actually the villain? Think about it...

#6. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

And now, on to a good (from a critical standpoint) action film, Steven Spielberg's fantastic Raiders of the Lost Ark. It was a box office behemoth, made archaeology cool (though, I'm not sure why Indiana Jones was so good with a whip), and turned Harrison Ford into more than just a talented character actor. Following Indiana Jones (Ford) as he embarks on a US mission to find the ark of the covenant before the Nazis do, this film has exponentially more memorable moments than most films, from a rolling boulder to the last second rescue of a hat. Spielberg's gem led to two legitimate sequels and one train wreck (Crystal Skull), but served as a model for plenty of films to follow in its footsteps. Part adventure, part action, part comedy, and part mystery, Raiders had it all...even snakes...why did it have to have snakes?

#5. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

The simplest story you could dream up: a smart-ass kid decided he wants to skip a day of school. Throw in Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, Mia Sera, and writer/director John Hughes and you get one the funniest, most entertaining movie of the decade, possibly of all time. Faking sick, heading to Wrigley Field, leading a parade, taking a Ferrari for a joy ride: all in a day's work for a teenager who just wants to live by his own rules before he has to grow up and have responsibilities. While on the run from the school principal (Jeffrey Jones) and hoping to keep his sister (Jennifer Grey) from ratting him out, Ferris Bueller proves himself as one of the best movie con artists of all time, providing every man, woman, and child a sense of escape as they watch one of slickest kids of all time slither his way around Chicago on a school day. Just remember: life moves pretty fast. Try not to miss it.

#4. The Breakfast Club (1985)

The brat pack and John Hughes ruled the 80's, finding ways to tell the story of the decade's youth through inventive films and well-written scripts. Their best combined effort came in a simple film about a group of mismatched high school students stuck in Saturday detention. Want to design a cast that encapsulates the 80's perfectly? You can't do much better than this: Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, Judd Nelson, Anthony Michael Hall, and Ally Sheedy. Throw in a gleefully controlling Paul Gleason and you get a patchwork of 80's style, teenage angst, and a weird sense of found community from some of the most obvious stereotypes we've ever seen on screen. But it's all worth it in the end to watch them "come of age."

Sincerely Yours,

The Breakfast Club

#3. Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

Porky's. Dazed and Confused. Road Trip. American Pie. Superbad. They all owe part of their success to the Amy Heckerling directed, Cameron Crowe scripted Fast Times at Ridgemont High, the most important film of the past 40 years about teenagers and sex (that may be a bit of an overstatement, but still). Starring Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Judge Reinhold, and Phoebe Cates, Fast Times defied censors by presenting a world where teenagers thought about sex and pretty much nothing else (not too far from the truth). It was a breath of fresh air in an industry that had never handled the topic so loosely and paved the way for some good (but mostly bad) copycats as years went on. Now it's pretty much all we get at the movie theaters - mostly thanks to Mr. Hand, Jeff Spicoli, and Phoebe Cates emerging from a swimming pool.

#2. E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

Forget The Artist. Forget Hugo. Want to watch the one film that best represents how movies can take your breath away, touch your heart, and make magic? Steven Spielberg's family drama about an alien who comes to Earth and his special connection with a young boy named Elliott (Henry Thomas) is everything you need to fall in love with the industry. When Elliott finds a stranded alien, he decides to bring him home and help him find a way home. What results is a touching story of companionship, isolation, and love, even if it means breaking some rules. Also starring a young Drew Barrymore, Dee Wallace, and C. Thomas Howell, ET is the perfect family film (only approached by The Wizard of Oz in that respect, I believe), stands as one of the landmarks of the great Spielberg's career, and proved that even the unlikeliest of friendships can become defining ones.

#1. Back to the Future (1985)

And then there was one. If there was one film to define what the 1980's were to cinema, this is it - a story about a wild-haired doctor (Christopher Lloyd), an American teenager named Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox), and an accidental trip back in time to the 1950's that could jeopardize Marty's very existence on this planet. Directed by Robert Zemeckis, Back to the Future used the style of the time to clearly define eras and paint major differences between the "hip" 1980's and the "square" 1950's. Also starring Lea Thompson and Crispin Glover as Marty's young, star-crossed parents, it becomes his mission to assure they eventually come together, no matter how many bullies he must face or guitar solos he must perform. We'll all remember the image of DeLorean, the flux capacitor, and some good old "Johnny B. Goode." But mostly it's the ingenious writing, the wonderful performances, and "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads." Want to 1980's in a nutshell? Look no further than Back to the Future.

Well, that's all folks. Hope you enjoyed the list and hope you have your own opinions. Below I listed some films that just missed the cut and I explain why.

Sins of Omission

Raging Bull - It premiered in 1980, but it's really more of a 1970's auteur movie.
Hoosiers - This movie feels timeless - it doesn't even occur to me that it came out in the 1980's.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit? - Though it was groundbreaking in terms of animation, it feels more like a 90's movie, though it premiered in 1988.
Blue Velvet - Though David Lynch's twisted film noir is quite a film, its style feels too attached to Lynch. Any of Lynch's films could really premier at anytime and fit (or stand apart, depending on how you look at it).
The Shining - You didn't even know this came out in the 80's, did you? Exactly.

The Movies That Defined the 1980's: 20-11

2012-07-12T09:27:00.000-04:00

Scene from "Poltergeist" courtesy of
frenchtoastsunday.com

Some classic comedies, some quality science fiction, a quintessential horror film and an Oscar winner make up this portion of the list, as we barrel down onto the top ten. As we move forward, the movies become harder to order, as it's tough to say if #11 shouldn't be in the top ten or if #15 is really less definitive than #14. But, in my expansive knowledge and research (tongue in cheek, of course), I've determined that this should be the order. I'd hate to hear your thoughts about the top ten. But, here we go with #20 through #11.

#20. National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)

In 1983, writer John Hughes and director Harold Ramis introduced the world to Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) and his family, and the world was never the same. As the father who feels the need to force his family into a good time, Chevy Chase proved that a dad is only as good as the family by which he is surrounded. In National Lampoon's Vacation, he takes his clan on a cross-country trip to Wallyworld, catching quite a few bad breaks along the way. His wife (Beverly D'Angelo) repeatedly loses patience and his kids (Anthony Michael Hall and Dana Barron) are perpetually embarrassed. Even compared to Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid), Clark looks unhinged. But there's something to be said about a dad who just wants his family to have a good time and this film is the perfect example of a man pushed to the brink, but never giving up on his dream of vacation relaxation.

#19. Platoon (1986)

War movies come and go, but take this repeatedly filmed topic and spin it on its head. Oliver Stone's Platoon isn't necessarily un-American, but it's certainly an attack on American war tactics in the much maligned Vietnam War aggression. Starring Charlie Sheen as a rich kid who decides to enlist, this backwards view of the horrors of war won the Oscar for Best Picture and Best Director. It's Sheen at what I'll call his "limited best" and featured a list of great supporting performances. While Sheen interacts with the other members of his outfit (Willem Dafoe, Tom Berenger, Forest Whitaker, John C. McGinley, a young Johnny Depp), he begins to see what war can do to people, what some men will do to keep from going insane, and just how constant exposure to murder, rape, and pure evil can destroy the soul of what may have been a good person. War is Hell, after all.

#18. Airplane! (1980)

From an intelligent look at the evil of war to what is still the greatest parody movie of all time, Airplane! took aim at the bevy of disaster films of the 70's and succeeded beyond expectations. With a plotline borrowed directly from a little known film called Zero Hour, this pun-tastic film is built for multiple viewings. When Ted Striker (Robert Hays) is dumped, he hops a plane on which his ex (Julie Hagerty) is a stewardess; hijinks and danger ensues. Starring a laundry list of talented actors (Lloyd Bridges, Peter Graves, Leslie Nielsen, Robert Stack) and a few odd additions (Kareen Abdul-Jabbar, Barbara Billingsley), this classic parody made fun of everything - commercials, TV shows, movies, etc. - and surely gave us one of the most quotable films of all time, but don't call me Shirley.

#17. The Karate Kid (1984)

If you were stuck on a deserted island and needed one movie to motivate you to do escape from the island through hard work and patience, you couldn't do much better than John G. Avildsen's The Karate Kid. The same guy that directed Rocky delivered another underdog story here and infused it with a more youthful guise. Starring Ralph Macchio as Daniel-son, a boy who is constantly bullied and his (at first) reluctant mentor Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita), The Karate Kid introduced America to the world of martial arts in a way that wasn't so focused on the fighting part. Instead, Mr. Miyagi taught patience, control, and meditation. Morita was nominated for Best Supporting Actor for the role, while young William Zabka had yet another turn as the teenage antagonist he did so well in the 80's. When it comes to 80's sports-themed movies, this may be the best around - nothing's gonna ever bring it down.

#16. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Wes Craven made his mark on the horror genre in the 1970's with low budget successes The Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes. In 1984, he brought terror to the mainstream with A Nightmare on Elm Street, creating one of the most menacing, memorable movie villains of all time. Freddy Kruegger - a child murderer and rapist - begins to haunt the children of the lynch mob that killed him one by one, but only when they fall asleep. Armed with gloved hands with blades coming out of them, Freddy's sinister appearance only in dreams makes no one safe. Among his victims is a young actor named Johnny Depp, murdered in an amazing "bed eating" incident. Craven's film followed in the footsteps of such successes as Friday the 13th and Hallloween, by making the villain the star, and eventually was followed by a bevy of unnecessary sequels. Unfortunately for poor Robert Englund, he would have trouble avoiding typecasting for the rest of his life.

#15. Dirty Dancing (1987)

Moviegoers had the time of their lives in 1987, following Frances "Baby" Houseman (Jennifer Grey) as she slowly falls for the dance instructor Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayze) from the camp where her family is staying. Obviously, since he's a low-level staff member, Baby's father (Jerry Orbach) doesn't approve, and so begins the love story. The Catskill Mountains have never appeared so magical, as we watch Johnny and Baby fall in love while he teaches her a dance routine when his partner falls ill. Dirty Dancing took on a weird life of its own and still remains one of the most beloved "chick flicks" ever made. But, despite all that brazen femininity, the movie won the Oscar for Best Original Song. The movie absolutely drips with cheese, but it's not a film can you just forget. After all, nobody puts baby in the corner.

#14. Blade Runner (1982)

Among all the dystopian science fiction films in the 1980's, Ridley Scott's brilliant film noir may be the most layered and the one that still stands up in today's cinematic landscape. Harrison Ford plays Rick Deckard, a cop who specializes in terminating replicants - androids the human race has created to serve colonies outside of Earth. Not long after his retirement, he is called back in to track down six replicants that escaped. While Blade Runner didn't receive the immediate accolades it eventually had bestowed upon it, this cyberpunk version of the future has since received new life after re-releases and a rebirth through more recent films paying homage to its brilliant storytelling. Also starring Daryl Hannah, Rutger Hauer, Sean Young, and Edward James Olmos, this adaptation of a classic Philip K. Dick novel is still one of the greatest science-fiction films ever produced, though I would argue it falls into the film noir genre much more squarely.

#13. The Terminator (1984)

Not long after Arnold Schwarzenegger made a name for himself with Conan the Barbarian, he and James Cameron teamed up for one of the most ambitious, but successful independent films ever made, The Terminator. When a future war breaks out, a seemingly unstoppable cyborg is sent back in time to1984 to kill Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton), whose life directly shapes the future world. Meanwhile, another soldier is sent to 1984 to serve as Sarah's protector (Michael Biehn) and a chase and subsequent battles result. While the world of James Cameron has changed significantly nowadays, his first major success as a director came here and, obviously, led to bigger, more expensive things. That being said, The Terminator still stands as one of his best and gave Arnold Schwarzenegger a role that he fit into like a glove. It was followed by what I would argue is a better sequel, but I still would push you to watch the original and behold its low-budget intelligence.

#12. Scarface (1983)

The movie poster now found in every rapper's house was actually a semi-remake of a classic Howard Hawkes films starring Paul Muni. Brian De Palma moved the gangster film to Miami, focused it on the drug trade, and told the American success storythrough the lens of violence, drug use, greed, and sex. Starring Al Pacino as Cuban (yes, Cuban) immigrant Tony Montana and his masterful ascent up the drug cartel ladder is loud, stylish, and a lot of fun, as egregiously overacted as it may be. Also starring F. Murray Abraham, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Scarface turns up the camp, piles on the cocaine, and delivers one-liner after one-liner. It's honestly not a great movie when you strip it down, but it's still some of the most fun you'll have with an Al Pacino performance - one of his best loose cannon turns to watch.

#11. When Harry Met Sally... (1989)

It almost made the top ten, purely out of respect for the late, great Nora Ephron, but I ended up leaving it just short. Rob Reiner's film is a brutally honest (and hilarious) story about two people who fall in love, but only after taking the long route. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan play the title characters who have a wonderful friendship, but always wonder if "the next step" could jeopardize their relationship or make it better than they could imagine. Romantic comedies aren't written this well anymore, and Ephron defined the way to paint a love story on screen. She may have followed it up with Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail, but When Harry Met Sally... will always stand as her best, as one of Reiner's best, and quite possibly the best romantic comedy of all time.

Ooh boy...finally have the top ten coming next. Do you have any idea what it's going to be? Do you have any thoughts? Arguments? Suggestions?

The Movies That Defined the 1980's: 30-21

2012-07-09T10:14:00.002-04:00

Scene from "Brazil" courtesy of
hollywood.com

I'll remind you that I was only born in 1983 so, while I lived part of my childhood in the 80's, a lot of these films were viewing for me long after their original release. That being said, this portion of the list contains some of my absolute favorites. If this were a list of movies that defined the 80's for me personally, a lot of these would hit the top ten. But, I have to be willing to admit there are billions of other opinions to take into account, I guess. So, I did my research and figured I'd better paint a less personal picture, what with a lot of my readers not knowing me personally. You're welcome. Anyway, let's jump into my sentimental portion of the list, numbers 30 through 21.

#30. The NeverEnding Story (1984)

I couldn't willingly put this any higher on the list, but it pains me that it's all the way down at number 30. Directed by Wolfgang Peterson (yes, the same guy that directed Das Boot, Air Force One, and In the Line of Fire), The NeverEnding Story centers on Bastian (Barret Oliver), a lonely boy who retreats into his imagination when he finds a book that seems to write itself, based on his own thoughts and decisions. NOTE: His dad is played be "Major Dad," a.k.a. Gerald McRaney. A true "choose your own adventure," Bastian slowly unravels a story involving a young boy named Atreyu and his quest to defeat "The Nothing" and keep the world of imagination from falling apart and save a nameless princess. It sounds difficult to follow, doesn't it? Well, you can do it...with LUCK. Show Falcore some respect.

#29. The Goonies (1985)

A second straight nostalgic pick that I just couldn't put any higher on the list, this Steven Spielberg production was every 80's child's favorite piece of cinema (that may be a generalization, but still). Starring a "murderer's row" of child actors, The Goonies revolved around a group of friends and their unbelievable attempts to find a treasure that is hidden in a secret cave, after they find out their homes will be torn down to build a golf course. Oh, and this is all while they run from a criminal gang named The Fratellis who have broken out of prison. Sean Astin, Corey Feldman, Joe Pantoliano, Martha Plimpton, Josh Brolin, and Anne Ramsey all star in this adventure film that is so quotable, fun, and enjoyable that kids of all ages will always have a soft spot for One-Eyed Willy, Sloth, and, of course, the Truffle Shuffle.

#28. Risky Business (1983)

America - this is Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise - this is America. This is the man who will dominate your box office for years after. The young star burst onto the scene in this film about a Chicago teenager who looks for fun while his parents are away, only to see everything get incredibly out of hand. Tom Cruise had been on screen before, but never like this. Never in all his cocky, charming glory like he is in Risky Business. It's the Ray Ban glasses. It's Rebecca De Mornay in the back of a train car. But most of all, it's Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band, tighty whiteys, and karaoke to that "Old Time Rock n' Roll."

#27. Ghostbusters (1984)

An example of "definitive" - when your movie's title is the answer to the question "Who are you gonna call?" 90% of the time. Ivan Reitman directed this sci-fi/comedy about a trio of parapsychology professors and their crackpot idea to begin catching ghosts in New York City. This strange idea was a showcase for some "Saturday Night Live" alums, plus excellent supporting comedic performances from the likes of Rick Moranis and Sigourney Weaver. Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, and Ernie Hudson made up the team, all adding their own fascinating spins on such an odd premise. The movie spawned an animated TV series and just added to the sarcastic brilliance of Murray, who would slowly build on this character type as the years went on. When all is said and done, Ghostbusters gave the world the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and Slimer, so that's enough for me.

#26. The Princess Bride (1987)

Three years after This is Spinal Tap and one year after Stand By Me, director Rob Reiner continued his winning ways with a classic fairy tale injected with a little more sarcasm, wit, and hilarity. The Princess Bride detailed a grandfather (played by the late Peter Falk) reading his grandson (Fred Savage) a story that, unfortunately, contained "some kissing." While we cut back to those two, most of the action centers on the story itself, featuring Princess Humperdink (Robin Wright) and her childhood love Westley (Cary Elwes) and his quest to get her back after she is kidnapped. Packed full of brilliant writing, a stellar cast (including Billy Crystal, Christopher Guest, Carol Kane, Andre the Giant, Wallace Shawn, and Mandy Patinkin), and a real sense of adventure and wonderment, this simple story about undying love is right on the money. Don't want me to give out any spoilers? As you wish.

#25. Valley Girl (1983)

It's not a great film, but Valley Girl did two important things for the decade. First, it did for the 80's what Clueless did for the 90's - it took the language, style, and mannerisms of the time and forced them down the audience's throat. Second, it introduced us to that guy in the picture above. Nicholas Cage's first big break came in this movie about a girl from the valley and her relationship with a punk from the city. It's like Romeo and Juliet, but without all that drama and death. Still, Valley Girl was a snapshot of the early 80's and what it was like to brave the halls of high schools in clothes you wouldn't be caught dead wearing nowadays. Still, it stands as a reminder of just how strange a decade can look if you cram all its nostalgia into one film. As good or bad as Valley Girl is, it's like a time capsule of what teenage life in this crazy decade was.

#24. Gremlins (1984)

In the mid-80's, the Motion Picture Association of America decided they needed to amend the rating system some. Films were being released that were just a little too violent or raunchy for kids, but not so much that only adults should be allowed see them. Enter PG-13, thanks in part to Joe Dante's horror-comedy about a teenager whose new pet multiplies and the spawn begins to destroy the little town of Kingston Falls. Starring Zach Galligan and Phoebe Cates (and produced by Steven Spielberg), Gremlins introduced the world to Gizmo and a whole host of little green monsters with their own personalities. All because the rules weren't followed: no water, no food after midnight, and no bright light. It made for a nice little Christmas movie, that's for sure. Feel free to skip over what is easily the most depressing Christmas story ever from Phoebe Cates here, too.

#23. Sixteen Candles (1984)

Well, a Molly Ringwald film had to be on the list, so I picked the best one. In Sixteen Candles, Samantha Baker (Ringwald) is "celebrating" her sixteenth birthday, only to suffer more embarrassment than she could have ever dreamed of. Samantha has a crush on the most popular boy in school (Michael Schoeffling) and the nerdiest boy in school (Anthony Michael Hall) has a crush on her. Throw in a foreign exchange student nicknamed "The Donger" (Gedde Watanabe) and her sister's wedding and you get a messy trip into womanhood. It was the best of all the similar stories we saw in the decade about a teenager's yearning to be popular and find love, and featured an early appearance by John Cusack as a supporting dork. Either way, Sixteen Candles set the stage for every other teenage relationship comedy in the decade, still being "borrowed from" to this day.

#22. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

Cops were never funnier or cooler. Martin Brest's showcase for Eddie Murphy centered on a Detroit cop named Axel Foley (Murphy) and his transition into Beverly Hills and the culture shock he sees as he pursues a murder investigation. Beverly Hills Cop grabbed an Oscar nomination (Original Screenplay) and was the launching pad for Murphy's movie career. Followed by two somewhat unnecessary sequels, this landmark action-comedy was more than a template for later successes in the genre, like Bad Boys and Lethal Weapon. A buddy comedy disguised as a cop flick, Beverly Hills Cop gave us a new comedy star and an awesome, pure 80's theme song. And don't forget that Murphy's popularity because of this film eventually led to his brilliant single "Party All the Time."

#21. Die Hard (1988)

I'm not a huge fan of films that are widely considered "guy movies," due to their lack of character development and plot. But, come on. John McClane...Hans Gruber...Christmas. Bruce Willis stars in John McTiernan's testosterone-fueled film about a terrorist group led by Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) who takes control of a Los Angeles building during the holidays. McClane (Willis) is a New York City cop there on vacation, but finds himself as the one man who can stop them. McTiernan - a capital region product - creates a film that must be watched by every man, woman and child, solely for the sheer insanity and excitement in every scene. Forget all the male role models you've ever had in your life - watching Die Hard and John McClane single-handedly defeat a group of terrorists will make you a man. Yippee-ki-yay.

Whew...this is exhausting. Numbers 20 through 11 next.

The Movies That Defined the 1980's: 40-31

2012-07-06T09:09:00.001-04:00

Robert DeNiro in "Raging Bull"
courtesy of listal.com

In this section of the list, we see a few classic comedies, a couple science-fiction films, some horror, and two Best Picture winners. It's a nice motley crew of films, all from different genres and stars. If anything, it paints a picture of how much variety came out the 80's, whether we remember it or not. As I go through, I realize how many really good films won't be on the list. But, that's the way it goes when your list isn't actually "best of." So, here's #40 through #31.

#40. Evil Dead (1981)

Long before Sam Raimi made a couple good Spiderman movies and began production of the Wizard of Oz prequel, he made a name for himself with a horror-comedy hybrid called Evil Dead, an insane independent film starring the ever-campy Bruce Campbell. When five friends find a book called the Necronomicon, they release evil at a cabin in the woods and Ash (Campbell) has to fight to survive the night. This film is bloody, hilarious, and ridiculous, but it's worth it. Followed by two sequels (Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness), Evil Dead kick-started a talented director's career and helped define a weird sort of horror that doesn't take itself too seriously. Plus, it's the only film I've seen with a scene that paints trees as rapists...so far...

#39. Beetlejuice (1988)

Tim Burton's 1988 Oscar winner for Best Makeup (seriously) was his second feature film effort after Pee-Wee's Big Adventure and showed the type of director he would be for years after. As strange as Pee-Wee was, it didn't slide into the darker, morbid humor Burton would eventually display with Beetlejuice and subsequent projects. Starring Michael Keaton as the title ghoul, the film tells the story of a young couple (Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis) who die and are stuck haunting the house they so lovingly built. When a new family moves in, they are connected with the daughter Lydia (Winona Ryder) and work to rid the family by whatever means necessary, even if it means summoning the evil (but rambunctious) title "bio-exorcist." It's a fun, Burton-esque look at the afterlife and gave Keaton a platform to camp it up to the nines.

#38. Aliens (1986)

Ridley Scott's 1979 blockbuster Alien still stands as one of the best horror films of all time, adding a sci-fi flare to the genre. In 1986, director James Cameron was tapped to direct a sequel and gave the world arguably a better movie, amped up with more action and suspense. Aliens took the heroine from the first film Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) and made her a full on action star, fighting the same aliens who have since colonized. Nominated for seven Oscars (including Best Actress) and winning two (Best Visual Effects and Sound Editing), Aliens is a rare gem that, while many argue is not as good as the first, is still a worthy sequel to a fantastic original. And, in an editor's note, Prometheus is still a disappointment.

#37. Caddyshack (1980)

Writer/director Harold Ramis jumped into feature films with this comedic gem, a near plot-less story of a country club caddie, his attempts to win a college scholarship, and the crazy characters that inhabit the course. Caddyshack served mostly as a platform for some wonderfully gifted comedic actors to eat up screen time, including Chevy Chase, Ted Knight, Rodney Dangerfield and Bill Murray. Jam-packed with memorable quotes, hysterical situations, and some of the funniest people you'll ever see on screen, Caddyshack remains one of the funniest films ever and certainly ranks high on the all-time best sports films. It was a Cinderella story...coming out of nowhere.

#36. The Thing (1982)

Long before it had a sub-par prequel by the same name, director John Carpenter's The Thing stood out as one of the scariest, most suspenseful films of the decade (and of all time). When a group of scientists go to Antarctica, they are confronted by a shape-shifting alien that takes on the appearance of its victims. The claustrophobia that Carpenter uses to jack up the suspense and terror is unimaginable. Yes, the visual effects when we see the alien are pretty graphic, but it's the waiting and worrying that really baits the audience in. It's been parodied and, like I said, re-imagined as a prequel, but 1982's The Thing is still the gold standard for 80's intelligent horror.

#35. Batman (1989)

Comic books were never really taken seriously as source material (well, they were, but in a cheesy sense) until Tim Burton got the rights to the DC Comics behemoth "Batman." Burton directed the first of a string of Batman films that slowly got worse and worse, but the first one out of the gate was a nice template for 90's comic book films; whether they followed it or not was pretty hit and miss. Starring Michael Keaton as the caped crusader and Jack Nicholson as the Joker, Batman was what you'd expect from a Tim Burton comic book film, with an underlying theme of the macabre. For years, Nicholson's performance as the titular villain stood up as the greatest comic book movie "baddie," until the late Heath Ledger sunk his teeth into the same role, re-imagined by Christopher Nolan. But, this Oscar winning (for Art Direction) film still stands as one of the earliest examples of how to adapt comic books correctly.

#34. Stand By Me (1986)

Two years after director Rob Reiner unleashed Spinal Tap, he pulled back into a short story by Stephen King about a group of kids looking for a dead boy near their town. Starring River Phoenix, Corey Feldman, Will Wheaton, and Jerry O'Connell, Stand By Me is a beautiful picture of childhood bonding in terrible circumstances and how retreating to those memories can bring both happiness and pain. Nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay, Stand By Me had everything that various other "coming of age" stories couldn't accomplish: it had talented child actors, a competent director, an intelligent script, and a believable villain, played by Kiefer Sutherland. It's still one of the best films about growing up you'll ever see and will be for a long time.

#33. Amadeus (1984)

Director Milos Forman has plenty of brilliant films under his belt and this one may very well be the best. Peter Shaffer adapted his own stage play for the screen, winning the Oscar and helping the film win seven other Oscars, including Best Picture, Director, and Actor. The story of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, the young, uncultured genius and his rival Antonio Salieri is a brilliant look at jealousy, hatred, and how someone else's success overshadowing you can not only make you question yourself, but question God and life itself. Beautifully designed, directed, and acted, Amadeus is one of the best films to come out of a decade where science-fiction, romantic comedy, and action seemed to rule. Editor's note: Tom Hulce deserved the Oscar for Lead Actor over F. Murray Abraham. I'm just saying.

#32. Rain Man (1988)

This beloved Best Picture winner was directed by Barry Levinson, his follow-up to 1987's Good Morning Vietnam. Tom Cruise plays as a selfish man who finds out his father left a fortune to his brother Raymond, played by Dustin Hoffman, whom he had never even known existed. The catch: Raymond is an autistic savant and needs constant care. In an effort to get the money, Charlie (Cruise) kidnaps Raymond and takes him on a road trip. When he learns about Raymond's gift with numbers, their trip detours to Las Vegas. While many identify the story as a heartwarming one where two brothers come together, the edge that Charlie is really just a horrible person still exists. What's more, while Hoffman won the Oscar for his work, Cruise proved he could be more than a one-dimension sex-symbol actor with a nice, layered performance that really anchors Rain Man.

#31. Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

Who doesn't love an underdog story? Well, director Jeff Kanew delivered one of the best with 1984's Revenge of the Nerds, an homage to all those kids that were bullied with a picture of what could happen if they fought back. Starring Anthony Edwards and Robert Carradine as Gilbert and Lewis, incoming freshmen at the fictional Adams College, they face plenty of tortures at the hands of the jock-filled Alpha Beta fraternity. Eventually, they realize the only way to get revenge is to form their own fraternity, affectionately called Lambda Lambda Lambda (Tri-Lams). It's the fairy tale of brains besting brawn (though brawn is nearly illiterate here), but it's done in hilarious fashion. It may be another sex-fueled teenage comedy, but it has plenty of redeeming qualities to make it worth your while.

Well, next up is the halfway point. See your favorite yet?

The Movies That Defined the 1980's: 50-41

2012-07-03T08:09:00.005-04:00

David Bowie in "Labyrinth" courtesy
of thevine.com.au

Ugh...here he goes again with these stupid "definitive" lists. Well, I do them for a few reasons.

1. When you have two children under the age of two, a full time job, and more than a few part time jobs (not to mention this blog to keep current), you don't get time to see films as regularly, so, what would normally be filled with reviews/synopses, I fill with these features to keep my site from being stagnant.

2. I like lists. I like ranking things. And I like arguing/debating about lists with other people. So, bring it on.

Anyway, this time we'll look at the 50 definitive films from the decade of excess, the 1980's. Easily the most nostalgic of my definitive series so far (probably because I was born in 1983), this was easily the most difficult to separate from my own tastes. But, I did my best. One more reminder that this is a definitive list, not the "best of." Good films are interspersed with bad ones on this list. Enjoy numbers 50 through 41.

#50. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Seven years after giving the gift of The Shining to the world and twelve years before confusing the same world with the baffling (though underrated) Eyes Wide Shut, iconic director Stanley Kubrick delivered one of the most manic and brutal looks at war with Full Metal Jacket. Memorable for the "colorful" quotes and a young Vincent D'Onofrio's incredible physical transformation in the film, Kubrick's vision grabbed him and co-writers Michael Herr and Gustav Hasford an Oscar nomination for Best Adapted Screenplay. Eventually, the film slid into cult status, but it still stands as a Kubrick classic and introduced us to the man who would embody "drill sergeant" in the decades to follow, R. Lee Emery.

#49. Tootsie (1982)

Dustin Hoffman will go down in history as one of the most gifted actors our country has ever produced. Though his resume includes Midnight Cowboy, Kramer vs. Kramer, and All the President's Men, it may be Tootsie that showed us the kind of range he was truly capable of. The story of an actor who, when he can't find work, decides to audition in drag is a callback to the gender-bending success of films like Some Like It Hot. A film that says - though rather obviously - a lot about feminism and the machismo that still ran the media industry, Tootsie picked up ten Oscar nominations - its only victory came in Supporting Actress for Jessica Lange. But, in the end, Dustin Hoffman in a dress may be better than 99% of any other actor in anything.

#48. The Abyss (1989)

Long before James Cameron created the world of Pandora or even sailed on the ship Titanic, he mixed the two with a tale of civilian divers who encounter an aquatic alien species while searching for a nuclear submarine at the bottom of the ocean. Cameron had written and directed films before (you'll see later), but this was the first he wrote completely on his own with a studio giving him a substantial budget. Nominated for four Oscars and winning for Best Visual Effects, The Abyss was the first look at what this director could do if you throw money at him, give him free reign, and let him tell an actual story, as opposed to covering all the film's shortcomings with pretty blue people.

#47. Raising Arizona (1987)

In 1984, a team of brothers broke out with a Sundance hit call Blood Simple. But, three years later, the Coen Brothers made their first major mark on the industry with one of the decade's best comedies, Raising Arizona. It's an insane premise - a lifetime criminal falls in love with a local police officer. They can't have children and see a wealthy local couple are having quintuplets. In a decision that makes total sense, the husband H.I. McDonough (Nicholas Cage) decides to kidnap one of the children to keep for themselves. Also starring Holly Hunter, John Goodman, and Randall 'Tex' Cobb, Raising Arizona still stands as one of the Coen Brothers' funniest films and proved these brothers could do just about any type of film they wanted.

#46. Cinema Paradiso (1988)

Directed by Giuseppe Tornatore, the 1988 won the Oscar for Best Foreign Film and developed a bit of a cult following ever since. Martin Scorcese's Hugo may not have borrowed techniques or even told the same story, but it certainly owes a little bit to Cinema Paradiso in its overall message. The film revolves around a filmmaker and his recollection of a childhood spent at his village theater, forming a deep bond with the projectionist. Upon his return there, he reconnects with a lost love. For fear of using the phrase a little too often, it's truly a "love letter to the movies." When we have a strong connection to something - whether it's an activity, a person, or a place - returning to that love brings it all back. Cinema Pardiso showed that not only can movies evoke emotion, but can drive otherwise silent men to bask in a love that knows no bounds.

#45. This is Spinal Tap (1984)

Christopher Guest may now be the undisputed champion of the mockumentary, but his first foray into the genre came in 1984 as a writer and star of Rob Reiner's This is Spinal Tap, a hilarious send up of hair metal bands and the pressures of touring for the "loudest band in the world." Reiner plays documentarian Marty DeBergi has he follows Spinal Tap on an American comeback tour filled with a bevy of issues. The band - comprised of Michael McKean, Guest, Harry Shearer, and a rotating door of drummers who keep dying for various ridiculous reasons - are legendary, thanks to "insightful" lyrics and what can only be classified as a "thirst" for stardom, paired with artistic integrity. All of Guest's comedic successes of the 90's and since owe quite a bit to this genius piece of comedic filmmaking, and he would be the first to say so.

#44. Say Anything... (1989)

Cameron Crowe had major success as a writer early in the 1980's (you'll see later on the list), but his first turn behind the camera, filming a script he wrote, would add up to one of the strongest, most honest looks at young love in the last 30 years. Say Anything starred John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler, a teenager adrift in indecision and kick-boxing and his new found love for popular girl Diane Court (Ione Skye), who, as his exact opposite, still seems to be the perfect match for him, especially when he stands by her when no one else will. A beautifully simple story played to perfection by Cusack, the film put Crowe on the map, leading to plenty of other "coming of age" stories from the man who used to write articles for "Rolling Stone" at age 15.

#43. Flashdance (1983)

Sometimes, all you want to do is dance. In the first "cheesy" entry on our list, Jennifer Beals stars in Flashdance, the story of a Pittsburgh area welder and exotic dancer who works to get into ballet school. Now, despite the overdone story, sub-par acting, and ridiculous premise, Flashdance found its audience, standing still as one of the nostalgic favorites, thanks to a memorable soundtrack and a collection of extremely noteworthy moments, despite the fact that Beals had a male body double for some dance scenes. Nominated for four Oscars and winning Best Original Song ("Flashdance...What a Feeling"), this karaoke-style pseudo-musical was directed by the same man who gave us Jacob's Ladder, Fatal Attraction, and Unfaithful, so I can't bury it too much.

#42. Less Than Zero (1987)

Long before the age of Facebook and the Internet, the only way we could keep in touch with our old friends was with phone calls and visits home for the holidays. Marek Kanievska's adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' first novel (written at age 21 when still at Bennington College) is a stylish tale of a college freshman who comes home to Los Angeles only to find his former best friend is a train wreck of a drug addict. Starring Andrew McCarthy, James Spader, and Jami Gertz, what Less Than Zero did more than anything was introduce us to "full-on" Robert Downey, Jr., coincidentally in the drug-addled fashion that would dominate his life for years. Ellis hates the film and, while it suffers from a number of issues with plotting and melodrama, the film still stands as one of the few offerings involving the "brat pack" that isn't overly saccharine.

#41. The Lost Boys (1987)

Other than the brat pack, the 1980's were dominated by a number of other actors from the "other side of the tracks," specifically Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, and Kiefer Sutherland. Director Joel Schumacher followed up 1985's St. Elmo's Fire with The Lost Boys, a story of two brothers convinced their new home is infested with vampires. Featuring Jason Patric, Dianne Wiest, and the three actors listed above, the film caught a visceral angle of teenage angst and the frustration of starting over in a new place. It's a little campy (as Schumacher usually is) and a little scary, but it's a solid showcase for all the actors in the cast and an important step in the careers of all involved. Plus, it's just a pretty cool movie.

Onward and upward...40 through 31 coming up next.

The Film Minion

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 10-1

#10. Chinatown (1974)

#9. Cabaret (1972)

#8. Brokeback Mountain (2005)

#7. Jaws (1975)

#6. The Wizard of Oz (1939)

#5. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

#4. Citizen Kane (1941)

#3. Raging Bull (1980)

#2. Goodfellas (1990)

#1. Star Wars (1977)

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 20-11

#20. The Exorcist (1973)

#19. Avatar (2009)

#16. (tie) Network/All the President's Men/Taxi Driver (1976)

#14. (tie) The Shawshank Redemption/Pulp Fiction (1994)

#13. A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)

#12. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1980)

#11. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 30-21

#30. Apollo 13 (1995)

#29. L.A. Confidential (1997)

#28. Apocalypse Now (1979)

#27. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

#26. E.T. the Extra Terrestrial (1982)

#25. The Graduate (1967)

#24. Le Grande Illusion (1937)

#23. The Great Dictator (1940)

#22. Fargo (1996)

#21. Sunset Blvd. (1950)

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 40-31

#40. Beauty and the Beast (1991)

#39. The Maltese Falcon (1941)

#37 (tie) On Golden Pond/Reds (1981)

#36. Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

#35. Double Indemnity (1944)

#34. The Color Purple (1985)

#33. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

#32. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

#31. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

The Definitive Best Picture Losers: 50-41

#50. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)

#49. 12 Angry Men (1957)

#48. M*A*S*H (1970)

#47. Top Hat (1935)

#49. High Noon (1952)

#45. Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)

#44. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

#43. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)

#42. The Social Network (2010)

#41. The Philadelphia Story (1940)

Five Best Plus: 2012 Movie Moments

Argo

The Avengers

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Holy Motors

Les Miserables

Life of Pi

Lincoln

The Master

Moonrise Kingdom

Zero Dark Thirty

2012 Screen Actors Guild Nominations

The Definitive Horror Films: 10-1

#10. Silence of the Lambs (1991)

#9. Friday the 13th (1980)

#8. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

#7. Halloween (1978)

#6. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

#5. Frankenstein (1931)

#4. Night of the Living Dead (1968)

#3. The Shining (1980)

#2. The Exorcist (1973)

#1. Psycho (1960)

The Definitive Horror Films: 20-11

#20. Scream (1996)

#19. The Fly (1986)

#18. Peeping Tom (1960)

#17. Carrie (1976)

#48. MAS*H (1970)