In the midst tragedy and evil/pain, we hurt, cry, get mad, feel despair, and often feel hopeless.  And these moments often seem without reason or purpose.  Some ask why does God let bad things happen to good people?  Yet, we all go through pain, have loved ones die unexpectedly, and deal with sudden tragedy.

For the latest YS Roundtable, I talked with Chad Meister about the topic of pain and suffering in life. Chad is one of the leading speakers/authors in the world on this topic. Beyond that, he’s a great guy who is still involved in ministry each week and rides a motorcycle.

YS Roundtable :: Chad Meister from Youth Specialties on Vimeo.

The post Helping Youth with Tragedy and Crises – A YS Roundtable video with Chad Meister appeared first on Terry Linhart.

That corner you’re tempted to cut isn’t going to help you.

Others take notice when you’re unwilling to help.  Or when you treat others poorly.  And you don’t notice either.

That extra preparation and practice you’re too “tired” to do will be worth every effort you put in to get it just right.

Raising the level of your personal excellence is a personal discipline worth pursuing.

People are watching you even when you don’t think they are.

The truth is that you are always auditioning for future opportunities.

Even if you never change jobs or  move anywhere, people assess your potential for future responsibilities and opportunities.  You’re building your reputation.  Do you show that you can work well with others? Can you communicate effectively?  Do you show the intellectual and emotional growth necessary to show you’re growing as a thinking leader or are you stuck? When you’re given an upfront chance, do you bring a freshness to the event or could anyone do it the way you did it?

My college only hires students to be Resident Hall Assistants at the recommendation the resident hall staff who have watched them live and interact with other students.  People who visit college classes often come with a “job in their pocket” (they’re looking to hire in the next year) and they interact with  students to see if any of them fit.  I’ve seen few college students who understand that and give those interactions their best effort.

Every moment you’re given is worth your best.  You never know what might come of it. As the prophet Zechariah wrote (4:7-10), do not despise small beginnings, because from them God can do great things.  And sometimes what we consider “small beginnings” is actually the rich humus in which strong character grows.

The post You’re Always Auditioning appeared first on Terry Linhart.

Perhaps we need to rethink dating.

In the late 1990s, a Christian book titled I Kissed Dating Goodbye (by Joshua Harris) came out and caused a stir in some regions of the Christian subculture.  It created a change in how youth dated in my part of the world and I don’t think it was always a helpful step. We kissed dating goodbye and I think it created even more pressure on some young people.

It used to be you could date people without “commitment,” just go out to a movie or for dinner, maybe share an activity (like biking, bowling, etc.) and it wasn’t automatically expected that you’d have to exclusively  to that person. You could go out with one person one week, with another the following week, and you were just spending time getting to know other people.

If you did that now, you’d be seen as a “player.”

The rules now are that youth start with “talking” and spend time texting (which often means talking, though actual talking is rarely involved) before they move to the more threatening conversations.  At some point the couple has built a friendship (a key point I will come back to) and they have to DTR, or “define the relationship.”  Some boys move to DTR too fast, thinking that because a girl said “Hi” to them in the hallway, she’s interested.  Nope. Sorry. Just friendly. But I thought I was getting some signals from you.

After DTR, they decide there’s something more so they commit to be “going out” together, which is only sealed for sure when it’s “FBO,” or “Facebook Official.” It’s the digital equivalent to the letter jacket, which now everyone at a high school gets for participating in any extracurricular activity if they are willing to pay for it.  What? A trophy?  Just for showing up to the car wash fundraiser on Saturday?  Thank you! 

So, this couple is now committed to each other and STILL really doesn’t know each other well, something that could’ve been achieved through eight weeks of pre-committment dating.  These two “friends” who once talked all of the time are awkwardly put together into a commitment that pressures them to act a certain way in front of everyone.

The problem explodes at breakup:  When one decides that it isn’t going to work, this once close “friendship” that involved talking and time together ends up with two people hardly ever speaking to one another. And it doesn’t say much for the friendship that existed then, does it?

I see it happen often with college students, many of whom would just like the freedom to go out on some dates with people to get to know them better without having to make an exclusive commitment first.

I do want to point you to a book by Gerald Hiestand and Jay S. Thomas that’s been getting some attention – Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach.  I haven’t read it and I’m not sure of it’s relevance for youth, but you can read a review here and here.

Dating is clearly one of the prominent topics on the mind of people. I think it’s time that youth ministry leaders revisit this topic and nurture some healthy directions for our youth.

Photo courtesy of @creatista\istockphoto, used with permission.

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What makes for a great panel discussion?

One of the more common “creative” methods I see used is that of the panel discussion.  Panel discussions have the potential to be very good, but they also possess the greatest danger (well, next to mime perhaps) of being a big flop if done poorly.  They make me nervous because I know the preparation necessary to make them work.

There are a lot of benefits to using panel discussion!  It gives your audience an opportunity to learn from knowledgeable people regarding a specific topic, to “think along” with experienced experts, and to think about a topic from a range of perspectives.  The key to an effective panel discussion is the interaction among participants as they present information and discuss their personal views.

There are five crucial elements that you will need to address to make your next panel discussion “work.”

1. Be mindful of the content you want to teach.  This is a teaching method, so you’ll still need to write an objective statement for your panel discussion. Some people even suggest you and panel members ought to rehearse a panel discussion for it to go well!  This is not always possible.  Make sure your content is set up in a logical fashion and think through how the discussion will end. More on that later too.
   • You may be asking how can one set up content if the information is panel members.  Generate your best list of questions and provide them to participants ahead of time to give you some early responses so you’ll know what people want to discuss.  Look over these responses for any potential problems or for fresh ideas of where the panel discussion can go.  This will help address the concerns of those who think you need to rehearse.
2. Who is on the panel matters.  This is the “expertise” factor. I once saw a panel discussion on parenting with panel members who had no children over the age of seven.  You could hear the parents of adolescents in the audience snickering to themselves, thinking “you all have no idea what’s coming.”
   • Two problem areas are panel participants who talk too much too long or who have personalities that don’t work well in a group (they’re dominant, speak poorly in public, or have other unique behaviors).
   • Be sure all of your panel members don’t share the same perspective.  Keep it within reason, of course. You don’t want an animal rights activist and an NRA member on the same panel.
3. The interaction is what makes the panel discussion effective.  It’s not the content of each member alone, but how the panel responds to each other and builds off the others’ comments.  It’s up to the moderator to make sure the interaction is vibrant.  The change of speakers helps to hold audience attention. If one person dominates or the moderator doesn’t fuel the interaction, the method loses its strength.
   • Think about some modern-day examples.  The View has used a panel of hosts to keep it interesting beyond what one person could do.  The Youth Ministry Garage video podcast has life to it because we watch the interactions between Doug, Josh, Matt, and Katie and that interaction is part of the content.
4. Answer the audience’s eventual “so what?” question. Most panel discussions are simply content dumps in disguise. The panel presents a lot of information (versus having a discussion with each other, let alone having one with the audience) and when it’s over it just stops with a few phrases muttered by the moderator.  The audience needs to know what they are to do with what they’ve heard, observed, and discussed.
5. Make sure you’re using the panel discussion to develop people.  If you put exemplary people on your panel, make sure your process/format helps people develop their ability to respect others’ viewpoints and feelings.  Since there’s the “think along with experts” element to panel discussions, be aware that your audience will be doing that and work to feature the good thinking from who will sit on your panel.
   • So… repeat after me…….. panel discussion works because of the preparation and the interaction of good panel members.

What have you observed about panel discussions? What has made panel discussions you’ve seen go well and what have you seen that didn’t go so well?

The post Why Panel Discussions can be Dangerous (Teaching Tips Series) appeared first on Terry Linhart.

Make sure you hear your talk before they do.

I’ve recommitted myself to a rule of practice:  Speaking my talks out loud before I speak in public.  It’s a discipline that I saw my dad, a pastor, do every Saturday as he “practice-preached” to the garden plants while he weeded or he went over to the church to preach to the pews. So, early in my ministry days I took on that practice as well and found it very helpful.

But I haven’t always done it, thinking “I’ve got this down and ready to go.”  Almost every time in those instances I’ve paid the price for poor preparation.  So, I’m committing myself to letting my ears hear what I’m going to say before others do.  I’m committing myself to practice speaking my talks out loud before I speak in public, no matter how long or short the talk and no matter how large or small the audience.

Something happens as we move into “veteran” status and we come to a crossroads:  Do we continue in the practices that we’ve valued through the years or do we put our lives in neutral and choose to coast along? We’ve all seen leaders who’ve chosen these different roads – and the results. I don’t want to coast.

There are numerous benefits to practicing your talk (and by talk, I don’t automatically mean a 35-minute lecture.  I advocate thinking in 7-minute segments) out loud before your audience hears it. Your ears (it’s your mind, of course) will tell you when a phrase sounds clunky or when two points don’t line up.  Your ears will reveal when a particular PowerPoint slide or two (or three as in my last talk!) you’re using don’t align with the tight 5-minute “Ted talk” you’re supposed to be doing.  Perhaps one of the greatest benefits of this practice is that you’re opening and closing elements of your talk will be stronger as you hear and correct them.

What routine do you engage in before your speak?  What other tips have been helpful to you in your speaking and teaching?

Photo from @thinkmedialabs via Flickr, used with permission.

The post Why Your Ears Need to Hear Your Speech Before Others Do (Teaching Tips Series) appeared first on Terry Linhart.

How you spend your time “off” from work needs attention.

How do you spend your time off from work?  When you get time off from work – a week or weekend – what do you choose to do?  Most of us hopefully choose to complete a few unfinished jobs around the house, exercise, and sleep a bit more.

But what about the rest of the time off from work?  Spend it with family?  Great.  Time out with friends? Fantastic.

Our “working for the weekend” culture tells us to spend our time off by shutting down, escaping (through partying, watching movies), shutting down, and doing as little as possible. Be “off.”  The goal is simply to not be working.

That’s not much of a goal.

I am not sure this is a healthy strategy for leaders and youth workers.  What if instead of spending time away from work “off,” we spend it “toward?”  What if instead of just shutting down, we take steps toward some things that will help us grow in our ability to live and lead gracefully and effectively?

As I reflected on my goals for the summer, I came up with a few steps “toward” that I think are important. I’d love to hear what you would add – and do in your own life.

1. Take a step toward Jesus Christ. More than “having devotions,” going to church, or renewing our spiritual life, developing an intimate relationship with Jesus is the healthiest step we can take with our time away from work. Spend an intentional hour in prayer, reading and reflecting on various sections of the Bible, and intentional silence/solitude. For those of us in Christian ministry, we can become so busy “working for God” that we lose perspective on the intimate calling we experienced to begin this journey.
2. Take a step toward family.  What steps toward would be meaningful to your spouse (if you have one)?  What about your kids?  To your parents (even if you’re an adult)? Sometimes we in America see time off as only our own – and that’s an inaccurate and unhealthy perspective.
3. Take a step toward wisdom. What the world values isn’t skill sets and practical “how-to” mechanics (though we seem to want our colleges to only teach that any more), but it’s wisdom.  How does one increase in wisdom?  We hang around and watch wise people and we read.  You will be shaped largely by the people you spend time with and the books you read.  Okay, and maybe by the blogs too. What books are in your stack to be read over the coming 3 months? Disciplined reading of books has to remain a value for us if we want to take wise steps toward. 
4. Take a step toward better communication.  If you invested in one skill, I would suggest the ability to build meaningful relationships with others.  If I suggested a second, it would be to grow in your ability to communicate well.  Take a step toward being a better writer, speaker, or counselor.  Watch video of you speaking, get some feedback from others on your communication, read something new on communication, or attend a communication workshop.  For most of us, this isn’t a natural strength and we have to keep honing our abilities.
5. Take a step toward creativity.  The more we age, the more established our patterns of how we do things become.  We lose the childlike wonder of doing something new and different. We don’t tend to learn new musical instruments after the age of 25 nor do we just sit and doodle as much.  What if we did?  What if we regained our joy of LIFE?  It’s why we’re fascinated by Bob Goff and Seth Godin, because they remind us of that very human necessity – to be creative and to think differently. It won’t happen by being “off” or shut down. It has to be nurtured.

What do you step toward in your time away from work?  What have you noticed about how people (even those who lead) spend their time off?

The post Taking time “Toward” vs. Taking Time Off appeared first on Terry Linhart.

YS Roundtable :: Jim Hampton from Youth Specialties on Vimeo.

The post YS Roundtable with Jim Hampton appeared first on Terry Linhart.