Number Two…Number One…Number Two….

Beatle albums are like assholes, everybody has one and they all stink.

Speaking of which, some of the beatles best work has obviously passed through this holy vessel which sold for more than George Harrison’s crab comb, but slightly less than Paul McCartney’s adult diapers. Unfortunately for the lucky buyer, the item was emptied and cleaned before the sale. Its contents were sent to Sir George Martin to remix for the next beatles box set, entitled Beatles Number Two.

According to reports, Lennon was unhappy with the flowery toilet and was quoted as saying, ‘This thing is worse than the entire beatles catalog, it irritates the shit out of me.’ When asked what he wanted done with it, he answered, “I don’t give a crap, looking at it reminds me of writing with Paul.”

How could Lennon have known that 30 years later, his shit would hit the fan. At least this particular enthusiast got something useful, something friends and relatives can throw up in once they learn what it is.

Lennon’s toilet sells for $14,740 at UK auction

LONDON | Sat Aug 28, 2010 7:51pm BST

LONDON (Reuters Life!) – A toilet that belonged to late Beatle John Lennon fetched 9,500 pounds ($14,740) at auction on Saturday, around 10 times its estimate, the sale organizers said.

Lennon, who was murdered in New York in 1980, had the porcelain lavatory removed from Tittenhurst Park in Berkshire, southern England, where he lived from 1969 to 1971, and replaced with a new one.

The builders who took away the white and blue lavatory were told to “put some flowers in it or something,” according to the auction catalog.

Builder John Hancock stored it in his shed for 40 years until he died recently and the lavatory was sent for sale, British media reports said.

The toilet was among Beatles memorabilia sold at auction as part of the Beatle week festival in Liverpool, the group’s native city in northwest England. The pre-auction estimate was 750 to 1,000 pounds.

Anne-Marie Trace, who works at the Beatles Shop in Liverpool which organized the sale, said the high price paid had taken the organizers by surprise.

“I think it’s the most unusual item we’ve ever had in our auction,” she told Reuters.

The buyer was not identified but Trace said it was likely it was “going overseas.”

(Reporting by Adrian Croft; Editing by Jon Hemming)

Source: http://uk.reuters.com/article/idUKTRE67R1IE20100828

If you’re interested in learning more about crap:

The Beatles are full of Crap

Sgt Peppers is a load of Crap

How To Slice a Turdber

In a dramatic move designed to distract the general public from focusing on it’s various indiscretions, the folks at the Vatican have decided to turn the table and bend over themselves, for beatlemart.

Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano paid tribute to the FF in one of it’s weekend editions, with two articles and a front-page cartoon reproducing the crosswalk immortalized on the cover of the band’s album Abbey Road.

“They took drugs, they lived dissolute and uninhibited lives,” said the paper. “They even said they were more famous than Jesus.”

“But listening to their songs, all of this seems distant and meaningless.

I think we can all agree with the Vatican that beatle songs seem distant and meaningless.

The strange thing here is not only the motivation behind this act, but also the speed at which the Vatican has forgiven the moptops for their deplorable behavior. Galileo was branded a heretic and sentenced to life imprisonment. His fiendish crimes included inventing the telescope and claiming the earth revolved around the sun. It took more than 400 years for the Catholic church to forgive him, and it’s unsure if they ever accepted his ‘Earth Is Round’ theory.

It may just be that the Vatican has embarked upon a pop culture crusade, using the beatles as a fiendish new instrument of torture. If so, I believe it’s safe to long for the good ole days of the Pear of Anguish, a far more humane way to be persecuted.

The horrifying truth is that not even the Vatican was prepared for the consequences which followed the sanctification of beatlemart and their mighty suckubus.

The beatles were officially forgiven on the weekend of April 10th, 2010. Hours later, the sleeping giant Eyjafjallajökull erupted, spewing molten rock, a towering wall of ash, dust and steam into the air, decimating economic, political and cultural activities in Europe and across the world.

This rare photograph of Eyjafjallajökull was buried by the Vatican.

A few days later, the Deepwater Horizon exploded, resulting in the largest marine oil spill in history.

Once again, the Vatican refused to allow this photo to be published.

What can be done to stop beatlemart from stealing your soul, destroying the air in your lungs and the soil beneath your feet, or even worse: re-releasing Let it Be again, is unknown. Please stay tuned for updates and we’ll do our best to advise you how to survive beatlegeddon.

For more information see:

Buy a beatle Album for Christ
I Heal Fine
John Lennon’s Tits
Please Displease Me

We never thought anything could be done to make Let it Be listenable. Hailed by critics as a song that, “achieved a popularity well out of proportion to its artistic weight” and that it was “‘Hey Jude’, without the musical and emotional release,” it has haunted the airwaves ever since its unemotional release.

We hate to be negative about anything, and this cover has really changed our minds about this song. In fact, it’s the greatest Let it Be cover since The Long and Winding Roadrunner.

‘Twas a cutlass swipe or an ounce of lead
Or a yawing hole in a battered head
And the scuppers’ glut with a rotting red
And there they lay, aye, damn my eyes
Looking up at paradise
All souls bound just contrawise
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Welcome to a very special edition of Suck My Beatles. Today we present an interview with two extreme beatle fans who have been kind enough to share their time and collection with the fine folks here at SMB. We first became aware Steve after receiving a few messages from him which stood out from the usual fodder we receive from beatle fans. Steve was not only capable of forming a sentence, he also seemed to possess the ability to think and communicate. Amongst beatle fans, this is very rare.

Beset By Beatles Booty

We knew we were dealing with an extraordinary individual when along with the message, “I hate your website so much I’ve grown to love it.” He also sent us these videos of his collection:

Fab42’s Collection Part One
Fab42’s Collection Part Two

At first we thought it must be some kind of twisted joke, a bleak vision of some newly discovered circle of hell, but Steve and his lovely wife are the real deal. Their collection goes beyond rational thought. It boggles the mind and sets the bar for new FF collectors to aspire to, and for the rest of us to be dumbstruck by.

Without any further ado, we’re proud to present former circus performer and current sideshow beatle freak, Fab42.

The Interview:

SMB: Hi Steve and Beth, thanks for your time and agreeing to be interviewed by SMB. Let’s start with a few preliminary questions. How are you going?

Fab42: Fab…gear.

SMB: How long have you been married?

Fab42: We’ve been together 8 years, married 3.

SMB: Did the beatles bring you two together?

Fab42: No, we actually met on-line! We were both single and just hit it off!

SMB: I understand that you were married by an Elvis impersonator, sorry, Elvis Tribute Artist. Were the beatles impersonators too tacky?

Fab42: Paying one Elvis to marry us was enough….to pay the 4 Beatles….was really out of our price range.

SMB: Roughly, what is your age group?

Fab42: Beth……late 40s. Steve….early 50s….ie…….54….sigh.

SMB: Would you say you love the beatles more than each other, or equally?

Fab42: We love The Beatles. We love each other. We love others. We just love……and that’s all we need!

SMB: If love is all you need, whats with all the stuff?

Fab42: Love IS all you need! “Want”….is a completely different word!
It’s like comparing apples to fish! (There IS a difference ya know!)

The devils music

SMB: Did your parents listen to the beatles, or did they refuse to allow the devils music in their god-fearing home?

Fab42: No my parents didn’t listen to the Beatles. I grew up listening to country music….gospel……Jim Reeves…..until I got my 1st transistor radio. That’s when the world of music opened up to me via our hometown AM radio station….KMEL.

SMB: Besides the obvious, what were some of the other groups you first heard on your transistor radio?

Fab42: Many. Gerry and the Pacemakers….Freddy and the Dreamers….Little Eva…Frankie Avalon….The Raindrops…..Shirelles….Bobby Vinton….DC5…The Ronettes….Beach Boys….Gary Lewis and the Playboys….Elvis….the list goes on and on and on.

SMB: What would you sacrifice to bring the beatles back?

Fab42: This is a difficult question. The world I live in is so very different and simpler than the ones the Beatles experienced. Also…the Beatles were a moment in time…..a wonderful moment in time…that will never be repeated. You were there to hear and feel it…..or you weren’t. It’s a huge part of my childhood that I get to re-live every day thru my collection…..but the Beatles time…as “The Beatles”…has come and gone. Only the music and memories remain. Would I love to see John and George still here with us? Of course I would….but there is nothing I…or anyone else in this life “has” to sacrifice to achieve such….so I hold on the music and the memories…..dearly.

SMB: Do you remember your first exposure to the beatles? If so, what was the song, and who was the culprit who forced you to listen to it? Do you harbour any resentment towards the guilty party for ruining your life?

Fab42: So to re-phrase your question….you are asking me what was the best day of my life as a child…right? It was watching the Ed Sullivan Show…which featured the Fab 4 that evening. Until then…as I noted earlier…..all I heard was country and gospel. Try listening to that yourself! It’s all fine and good…..but it’s not me. When I saw them….the world changed. It was incredible. It is still incredible….almost 50 years later. I remember talking Beatles for weeks after the Ed Sullivan Show…and my Dad saying….”Leave him be….it’s just a fad”. My Dad was wrong…..way wrong. I remember making guitars out of cardboard with other boys on my block and singing Beatle songs to the neighbors….who in turn…would give us a nickel or dime….and off we would be to the store to buy Beatles picture trading cards with the gum in the pack. I still have a sealed pack in my collection.

SMB: What’s your favourite beatle song/album, and why?

Fab42: Again…a hard question. I love them all….but mostly the earlier ones. That’s where the childhood memories lie. Meet the Beatles….Introducing the Beatles…The Beatles 2nd Album. Favorite song? Nowhere Man. Followed closely by A Day in the Life.

SMB: Do you own every beatle album? How many beatles albums/45’s would you estimate you have?

Fab42: No. I don’t own them all….nor would I want to. I’m not a purist about collecting. I collect what I like. I will not buy something just because it’s there. It has to strike a chord with me….then….I have to have it! How many LPs and 45s do I have? Tons. I would take hours to count them. I have The Beatles…Rutles…songs sang about the Beatles….tributes….comedy recordings of the fabs….Chipmunks sing the Beatles…..Snoopy’s Beatles…the list goes on and on.

SMB: Do you listen to the beatles everyday, or do you also listen to music?

Fab42: I do not listen to The Beatles everyday….but if I hear them on the radio….I sure turn it up!!! I like almost all the 60s British invasion groups. Music was fun then….and it’s still fun today! I guess I’m sorta “stuck in the 60s” and loving it.

Brainwashing and Indigestion

SMB: Are you aware of brainwashing techniques incorporating constant repetition which are not only capable of blocking out creative thought, but can also join limited thoughts with pleasurable emotions so that they are mentally linked together?

Fab42: Sure! Watch ANY commercial on TV!! It’s all there! From beer to cars to fast food to insurance to clothes to over the counter drugs to Rx drugs. The list goes on and on. It’s how corporate America has always shook the change out of our pockets! Silly jingles are another way. “Plop plop fizz fizz…oh what a relief it is” “I’d like to teach the world to sing…in perfect harmony” sold alot of Coca-Cola no?
Or the handsome cowboy telling us to “Come to where the flavor is…..come to Marlboro country”. Its endless.

SMB: I agree with you completely. Do you find any similarity with the way corporate America sells Pepto Bismol, and the way beatlemart sells, well…everything? Do you agree with the use of John Lennnon’s image to sell Citroën Cars? Or beatle songs to sell diapers?
Do you think it’s a positive thing to keep the music and memory of the beatles alive, or is it all about the money?

Fab42: I do NOT agree with the powers of Beatlemart…..or any other mart…as it were. Anytime something magic happens that captures the eyes and ears…and even the hearts of people…..there will be someone to try to cash in on it. But…it’s nothing new. How many items has Jesus sold this week? Elvis? It will sadly always be so….but it is also out of my circle of concern….so I pay it no mind.

Magical Mystery Hemorrhoids

SMB: Would you rather a teenager hear the beatles for the first time because of a hemorrhoid commercial, or not hear them at all?

Fab42:I would rather they hear it in ANY form…than not….and then hope they had the common sense to see thru the bullshit….which I grant you…is deep.

SMB: Is there anything you listen to besides the beatles?

Fab42: You betcha!!! I love many types of music….but I have to “like it”…not just buy it because so and so sang it. I have a huge library of music…from Sinatra to The Royal Guardsmen…and that covers some area!

SMB: How many beatles movies do you own?

Fab42: All of them……at least all I know about!

SMB: Do you agree with the statement, ‘Yellow Submarine consists of an aimless plot revolving around music written to torture children while assaulting the viewer with spastic, gaudy animation” source

Fab42: Of course not. Yellow sub was a children’s song…..that was featured in a 60s psychedelic cartoon starring the Beatles. It was “the culture of the era”…the cartoon itself…a time gone by….and a classic.

SMB: Do you choose your friends by their commitment to the fab four?

Fab42: No. Not everyone likes everything I do….and I don’t mind what they like or don’t…..it’s out of my circle of concern. Here however….we are Beatlefans!

SMB: How many beatles collectibles do you own?

Fab42: Hundreds and hundreds plus 3.

SMB: How long did it take to amass this collection and what would you estimate is it worth?

Fab42: I started it in about 1964. I went thru some hard times at one point where I had to sell some of it to get by….but I eventually got it all back…and more…and more….and more! What it’s worth really doesn’t concern me as it will never be for sale…unless to improve upon it…the collection… or buy something else I feel I need! See the next question for a better understanding! If liquidated all one has is cash in hand. I have my childhood here with me…and that is priceless.

SMB: What is the first collectible you owned?

Fab42: Beatles gum cards from money acquired from singing to the neighbors!

A sidenote…..about 10 years ago I wanted a hotrod car….the one you see sitting in my garage in my youtube video. I didn’t have the money to buy such an item…so I traded a Beatles first state stereo yesterday and today butcher cover for it….the car. One lp bought the car. So collecting Beatles….as well as other Rock and Roll memrobilia has its up sides too!

SMB: That’s incredible. Can you tell me a little bit about the hotrod?

Fab42: The car is a 1923 Ford T-bucket Roadster…..with a 68 6 cylinder engine. If you want a cushioned ride….stay the hell away from it…..but if ya wanna have a great time….HOLD ON…and away we go! It’s a glorified toy for big boys….nothing more……Vrrooooom!

SMB: What’s your favourite piece from the collection?

Fab42: I have 2 favorites. My Beatles record player…and my 1967 Williams BEAT TIME Beatles pinball machine! They both are in the youtube video as well.

Mothballs and Buttplugs

SMB: Is there anything beatle related that you would not want in your collection, such as beatle moth balls? What about a beatle butt plug?

Fab42: I already have 2 complete un-opened sets of Beatles mothballs with backing card attached! Would I like to have the Beatles buttplugs? DAMN STRAIGHT I WOULD! I’d love it!!! Not many collectors could say they had those eh? But I would like the advertising card to go with them for display!!! Hey…if ya can’t laugh at yourself…..you sure shouldn’t laugh at others! So tell me….do you have a set for sale??? Snicker.

SMB: Unfortunately we’ve been unable to find anybody willing to manufacture them. The whole process has been a gigantic pain in the ass. Do you feel as though they missed out on a huge opportunity for beatles pesticides and cleaning products?

Fab42: Oh Im sure something along those lines is in the works somewhere…..sigh.
Money is ALWAYS the bottom line.

SMB: Do you feel the beatles have been a positive influence on your life?
Fab42: Without a doubt. My 2 girls…who are grown…are huge fans. Beth is a huge fan…as well as her girls. My Mom and Sisters and Brother as well. It’s the Beatles! How can you go wrong?

SMB: What is your opinion of albums like Beatle Lullabyes, and Rockabye Baby? Would you play them for your children if they were at that age?

Fab42: We already have Beatles for Babies to play for our little grandkids! If you listen to songs of today…not all mind you…but some…..are mean…violent…sexist crap. I soooo believe that listening to pretty songs….fun songs….is a wonderful way to initiate children to music. If in time…they find other music they like…so be it! But at least they got to hear both sides of the rainbow…..the final choice…is theirs.

SMB: Do you feel it’s fair to indoctrinate helpless infants with this music, robbing them of the chance to form their own opinions regarding music?

Fab42: Yes…it’s perfect. It robs them of nothing. Nothing ventured…nothing gained!

SMB: Have you ever considered that you might not be a beatle collector but a beatle hoarder, like those people on television? Would you consider undergoing treatment?

Fab42: You ask that like it’s a bad thing! So far I’m just a collector….but a Beatle hoarder is a goal within my sites! Reach for the stars! Treatment? I’m treated everyday! Every time I look at the collection…..it’s a treat! Every time.

SMB: Do you have a favorite beatle?

Fab42: Yes. John Lennon. To my dying day….my hero.

SMB: How many times have you seen the beatles or former beatles in concert?

Fab42:Never. Only on tape or TV. I’ve seen Paul McCartney live…[THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE]…..and briefly talked to Ringo during one of his All Star Shows when he pointed out that we were wearing I Love Ringo pins from the 1960s. We were in the front row…and he noticed them! It was fun.

SMB: I noticed that you’ve decorated your kitchen with images of the beatles, including a Yellow Submarine on the floor. Does this interfere with digestion?

Fab42: So far it has had no effect on me….but a few too many beers can sure play hell with my stomach! Still…..I give it the ol’ college try!

SMB: Do you play any of these instruments?

Fab42: Yes. The guitar. Do I play it well? No. I can’t sing either….but I do it anyway!
“Sing. Sing a song. Let the world sing along. Dont worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear. Just sing. Sing a song” The Carpenters

SMB: Does having a beatle ceiling fan make you feel cool, or does it create a sense of swirling dread in the air?

Fab42: When it’s hot outside…it makes me feel mega-cool. Just this side of Studly!

SMB: Do you prefer beatle ketchup over other kinds of ketchup?

Beatles Ketchup is wayyyy better! I’ve compared it against Yellow matter custard….and there is just no contest.

SMB: What is your favourite beatle cereal?

Fab42: Wheat and Rice Honeys of course! Isn’t it everyone’s favorite?

Dismembered beatle heads

SMB: You seem to own a disproportionate number of dismembered beatle heads, what did you do with the rest of the bodies? DO you have a hidden collection of beatle arms and legs?

Fab42: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds it might incriminate me. Unless you have 8X10 glossies….you can prove nothing! Nothing I tells ya!

SMB: Do you think the beatles could have beaten Elvis in a fistfight? Did any of the beatles study martial arts?
Fab42: Of course! Four against one? Easy math! As for part 2 of the question…It’s lost to history.

SMB: How many copies of the Butcher Album do you own?

Fab42: 4 first states….2 trunk cover 2nd states.

SMB: Do you think you’ve rebelled against the beatles by actually managing to buy love?

Fab42: Never pay for what’s already free. Sex included.

SMB: I noticed you also have beatle light switch covers. Is this so you can turn the beatles on?

Fab42: Uhhhh…yes? I guess I never looked at it that way!

SMB: Mickey Dolenz was a big influence on the beatles, how has he affected your lives and why don’t you have any monkees paraphernalia?

Fab42: “Step into my parlour…said the spider to the fly”………..
Who said I didn’t? I have a TON of Monkees things! An entire collection….akin to the Beatleroom! I even have a 1988 stretch MONKEES limousine! [see enclosed pic!] But your website is “Suck my Beatles” no? When you own “Suck my Monkees”….we will talk! My house is a museum. The rooms are as follows….each room a different theme…
Beatleroom
Elvis room
Monkees room
Jan and Dean room
Ufos and Aliens room…..[ their real ya know....]
Nascar room
Tattoo parlour
Circus room….[I was once a catcher on the flying trapeze....no joke]
And the GARAGE TAVERN!!!

SMB: What is your favourite beatle hair product? Do you prefer spray or the pomade? Do you think the beatles have significantly contributed to global warming with their aerosol products?

Fab42: Well…since all my hair fell out…from using inferior products to those the Beatles endorsed….I really don’t buy them anymore. Maybe if they come out with Beatle toupees? As for contributing to global warming…..I sure hope so…cause its damn cold here!

SMB: I noticed you have beatles Rock band. Do you get extra points for looking cute while singing?
Fab42: 10 points for looking cute. Looking cute AND carrying a tune…..gets you into the bonus round! I haven’t made it yet….but never say die!

SMB: Are you offended that Jones Soda made the beatle flavour ‘Bubble Gum,’ or do you think a revolution soda might have tasted a little too salty?

Fab42: I think your thinking of John Lemon soda. It’s the salty one.
The others are good though! Paul Mc Icetea…..Mango Starr and my personal favorite…Orange Harrison!

SMB: There seems to be a lot of beatle candy products. Do you think this was done purposely do cater to their target audience, or just a coincidence? What would be a more macho beatle product?

Fab42: As John Lennon said…..”Money….that’s what I want” Who doesn’t? Would you turn it down to stand on principal? Me thinks not. I already have Beatle beer….and in my book…that’s as manly as it gets! Refreshing too!!

beatle Zombies and Cannibalism

SMB: I noticed that your a fan of Zombeatles. If the beatles came back as zombies, do you think people would flock to be eaten by them, or would they be more docile and peace loving zombies willingly led around by the collar like in the film Fido?

Fab42: “A flocking they would go…a flocking they would go….heigh ho the dairy-O…a flocking they would go” “Braaaaaaains”………

SMB: Do you feel the beatle marionettes symbolize how the FF became puppets of a corporate empire who dictated their decisions and forced them dance in order to fatten their already bulging wallets?

Fab42: Not at all! Everyone knows the Beatles loved Howdy Doody…it’s just their homage to him! “What time is it boys and girls?”

SMB: What do Sunny and Shadey think of your collection?

Fab42: The back of the Jones soda bottles reads…..”Beatleroom brought to you by Sunny and Shady….Shih tzu Beatle fans” It really does! If you look close….they are sitting at the table on the label!

SMB: I must admit your garage is pretty cool. I feel a sense of tension between the Elvis and beatles items. Are you ever afraid you might be unleashing powers beyond your control?

Fab42: Fear is for sissys. Battle of the Rock Stars! Bring it on!

SMB: Did you buy every beatle slot machine ever manufactured?

Fab42: No….I only have 2….so far. Give a guy a chance! I’ve only been collecting 46 years! I’ll get there! Sheeeesh.

SMB: DO you feel any kinship towards John MacLennon, and do you think you might ever consider doing the same with your home?

Fab42: You seem to present this collectors story like it’s a bad thing? I don’t get it. Seems perfectly normal to me! Now please pass the BRAAAAINS!
You mean selling tickets for admittance? Never. This is our home…..we just have more fun than most folks is all!

SMB: All in all, I’m in awe of your collection. Overwhelmed, impressed, and scared. Upon first glance your home is reminiscent of Silence of the Lambs. Do you have a beatle dungeon, or do you simply torture guests with the entire house?

Fab42: I think you stated what we do quite eloquently in your question!
Good job!!

SMB: Thanks very much for taking the time to do this interview and show us your home. Your time is greatly appreciated. In closing, are there any closing remarks you’d like to add?

Fab42: The Beatles.
A magical time that will never be repeated….nor should it be.
A moment in time. A wonderful moment in time.
Thanks for the interview….it was a blast!
Steve and Beth…..Sunny and Shady.
Beatles fans

The use of John Lennon’s words and image to promote a crappy French car has sparked horror and outrage amongst not just beatle fans but also the advertising community at large, who are shocked they didn’t think of it first. Adfreak call the ad “a blatant cash grab by Yoko Ono, completely unlike our beatles ad which is high art”.
Fans have called for a boycott of Citroën vehicles, especially since the new design is completely different than the original Fab Wagon which was approved by beatlemart in 2007.

On the corner is a banker with a motor car

Sean Lennon was quick to defend the use of the image, explaining, “It’s just hard to find new ways to keep dad in the new world….No new LPs, so TV ad is exposure to young.”

This is a perfectly understandable position, it’s been weeks since they’ve released a new Lennon movie, over a month since beatlemart re-released the entire fab four catalog and launched beatles Rock Band, days since the newest biographies have hit the shelves, hours since the latest John Lennon Festival has been announced, minutes since the last John Lennon LP or 45 has been re-released on vinyl (ironically it’s being released beside The Great Rock’n'Roll Swindle), and several excruciatingly long seconds since the last TV show about the life and/or music of this soon to be forgotten soul.

The opportunity to hear his music without tracking down incredibly rare and hard to find tracks has dwindled to a near impossibility.

View for yourself the few remaining slivers of the rapidly vanishing Lennon legacy. Over the past few months the use of his music in films and television shows alone has dwindled down to a fraction of what it once was:

“Glee” (2 episodes, 2009-2010)
– Hell-O (2010) TV episode (writer: “Hello Goodbye” (uncredited))
– Hairography (2009) TV episode (“Imagine” (uncredited))

“Volver con…” (1 episode, 2010)
– Episode 1.10 (2010) TV episode (writer: “Imagine”) (performer: “Imagine”)
The 82nd Annual Academy Awards (2010) (TV) (writer: “In My Life” (uncredited))
… aka “2010 Academy Awards” – USA (informal short title)
… aka “The 2010 Oscars” – USA (informal short title)
… aka “The Oscars” – USA (informal short title)

“20 to 1″ (2 episodes, 2006-2010)
– Adults Only 20 to 1: Movie Monsters (2010) TV episode (“Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” (uncredited))
– Greatest Songs of All Time (2006) TV episode (performer: “Imagine”) (“Hey Jude”, “Imagine”)
“Live from Studio Five” (2 episodes, 2009-2010)
– Episode 1.111 (2010) TV episode (writer: “A Little Help from My Friends”)
– Episode 1.64 (2009) TV episode (writer: “Happy Xmas (War is Over)”) (performer: “Happy Xmas (War is Over)”)
“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” (1 episode, 2010)
– Episode 1.179 (2010) TV episode (writer: “With a Little Help from My Friends”)

“The Amazing Race” (1 episode, 2009)
… aka “The Amazing Race 13″ – USA (thirteenth season title (promotional title))
… aka “The Amazing Race: All-Stars” – USA (eleventh season title (promotional title))
… aka “The Amazing Race: Family Edition” – USA (eighth season title)
– Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound! (2009) TV episode (writer: “Help!” (uncredited))

“50 años de” (3 episodes, 2009)
– Calle (2009) TV episode (writer: “Hey Jude”, “Let It Be”)
– Una periodista de a pie (2009) TV episode (writer: “Imagine”) (performer: “Imagine”)
– Vacaciones de verano (2009) TV episode (writer: “All My Loving”)

“FlashForward” (2 episodes, 2009)
– A561984 (2009) TV episode (writer: “Happy Christmas (War Is Over)” (uncredited)) (performer: “Happy Christmas (War Is Over)” (uncredited))

– Scary Monsters and Super Creeps (2009) TV episode (writer: “Across the Universe” (uncredited))

“The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” (2 episodes, 2009)
– Episode 1.64 (2009) TV episode (writer: “Imagine”)
– Episode 1.61 (2009) TV episode (writer: “Birthday” (uncredited))
The Beatles on Record (2009) (TV) (writer: “I Am the Walrus”, “She Loves You”, “A Hard Day’s Night”, “Let It Be”) (“Ticket to Ride”)

Der Mann auf der Brücke (2009) (TV) (writer: “I am the walrus”)

“Dancing with the Stars” (2 episodes, 2009)
– Episode 9.5 (2009) TV episode (“Norwegian Wood” (uncredited))
– Episode 9.4 (2009) TV episode (“Can’t Buy Me Love” (uncredited))

Funny People (2009) (writer: “Real Love”) (performer: “Watching the Wheels”)

“So You Think You Can Dance” (1 episode, 2009)
… aka “S.Y.T.Y.C.D.” – USA (alternative title)
… aka “American Dance Idol” – Japan (English title)
– Two of 14 Voted Off (2009) TV episode (writer: “Blackbird”)

“Memòries de la tele” (2 episodes, 2007-2009)
– Episode 3.30 (2009) TV episode (writer: “Imagine”)
– Episode 1.10 (2007) TV episode (writer: “With a Little Help from My Friends”, “Yesterday”)
53 premis Sant Jordi de cinematografia (2009) (TV) (writer: “She Loves You”, “All My Loving”)
“Banda sonora” (11 episodes, 2007-2009)
– Episode 5.4 (2009) TV episode (writer: “A Hard Day’s Night”)
– Episode 4.10 (2008) TV episode (writer: “Martha My Dear”)
– Episode 4.9 (2008) TV episode (writer: “Michelle”)
– Episode 3.13 (2008) TV episode (writer: “Get Back”)
– Episode 3.10 (2008) TV episode (writer: “Got to Get You Into My Life”)
(6 more)
Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009) (writer: “We Can Work It Out”)

It’s driving me mad, it’s driving me mad

And whats worse, it’s been nearly three months since Lennon was last used in a commercial. What we find truly appalling is the fact that the Citroën ad has doctored the original Lennon interview, replacing the audio with a voice over by a Lennon impersonator. Fortunately, we have the original audio, and have taken pains to repair the damage.

We here at SMB support the attempts of the beatlemart family trust to keep this under-appreciated, uncelebrated artist from vanishing into obscurity.

Fab four fanatic transforms North Carolina home into Beatle shrine

Wed Jan 6, 2008, 3:31 PM
By Jacob Winston Clemens
The Associated Press

RALEIGH, NC. – John MacLeon, a man who affectionately refers to himself as ‘MacLennon,’ is a habitually caffeinated Beatle fanatic who is taking care of business eight days a week at the antebellum home he calls “Liverpool Two.”

Knock on the door anytime. It’s OK to arrive at 4 in the morning, and the 75-year-old former dancer will escort you through his disconcerting, floor-to-ceiling collection of photos, records, figurines, cardboard cutouts, candy wrappers, clocks, lunchboxes and other random kitsch featuring the Mop Tops.

“I’d kill myself right now if it would bring them back,” MacLeon says in his odd Southern US meets Liverpool hybrid drawl, greying hair trimmed with a bowl, in the style of the early 60’s.

MacLeon says he rarely leaves Liverpool Two, rarely sleeps, and is powered by up to 24 cans of Beatle Cola a day (Beatle Cola was a short-lived Coca Cola product that MacLeon bought by the case in 1984 and has been drinking ever since). “When I run out I’ll just start on another Beatle drink, there’s Beatle Heinekin, Beatle Gatorade, Beatle Punch, and Beatle Pale Ale. I do happen to like the soda though.”

Liverpool Two is in New London, North Carolina, a town with a population of 326. It’s a convenient stop for fans on a Beatle pilgrimage, situated about between Birmingham, Alabama where the infamous Beatle record burnings started in 1964, and the Mid-South Coliseum in Memphis, Tennessee where they played their last US performance after a firecracker terrified the band onstage.

Until Liverpool Two became a magnet for off-beat tourism, New London was best known for its traditional shotgun homes and Spanish moss gardens.

“He’s our number one attraction,” says Nellie Winchell, assistant director of the local tourism bureau and general store.

Nellie reports that people often call for information about Liverpool Two, and that the Japanese and the British are the largest groups of overseas visitors. MacLeon doesn’t have a working telephone, so the townsfolk holler to let him know when visitors are coming.

MacLeon is so obsessed with the Fab Four that 26 years ago, he named his only son after the man he considers the world’s greatest entertainer and humanitarian. “My son was born John-Paul Geogingo MacLeon. Folks’ll sometimes ask if his name is French and he always says, “Sont les Mots qui vont tres bien ensemble.” He laughs.

Floors creak beneath visitors’ feet as they walk through the 157-year-old home warmed by space heaters that sit perilously close to raggedy Beatle wigs and stacks of papers and magazines.

For $5, visitors get to experience sensory overload, lit by mood lights and lava lamps.

Doorways are decorated with several Sgt. Pepper patterned curtains in ’70s-era hues of turquoise and paisley. There are photocopies of a newspaper with MacLeon’s all-time favourite headline: “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.”

A poster-sized display in the entryway declares — “Nothing’s gonna change my world..”

“My ex-wife told me, ‘Make up your mind. Either me or the Beatle collection.’ So that put an end to that,” MacLeon says with a giggle.

MacLeon says he has owned his home since the mid-1970s, and that he’s had 399,000 visitors since he started opening it to strangers since the late 1980s.

Gerald Thompson, a 27-year-old drama teacher at the nearby University of North Carolina, said he has been to Liverpool Two a half-dozen times and recently took his wife and three friends for a nighttime tour.

“It’s kind of surreal.” Thompson says. “It kind of puts in your mind, ‘WTF? Is this guy for real?’ You don’t ever know. But it doesn’t matter because it’s a good time.”

MacLeon says that he became a Beatle fan when he was 13, and that he attended 120 Beatle and Beatle tribute concerts. “If they know a Beatle song, I’ll pay good money to listen,” he jokes.

In Liverpool Two, MacLeon claims to have 35,000 records and 25,000 CDs. He says he has 185,000 square inches of carpet that once was in Abbey Road. He constantly monitors radio and TV shows and records any mention of his idols, claiming to have 31,000 videotapes and 43,000 audio recordings. There’s a scrapbook filled with tiny slivers of paper — 1 billion mentions, he says, of the Beatles.

“There’s my burial suit up here to come back and haunt my ex-wife,” MacLeon says, pointing to a double-breasted pink military number, complete with sombrero, in one of the front rooms.

Caesar Lennon of Los Angeles, who has performed 21 years as Los Beatles Fabuloso (The Mexican Beatles), says he has toured Liverpool Two at least a dozen times and is attracted to its folk-art glamour. He once donated one of his stage outfits to MacLeon’s collection — a vintage crushed-velvet marching band jacket with a rhinestone studded Blue Demon luchador mask.

He says John-Paul Geogingo MacLeon is a walking encyclopedia when it comes to the Beatles, and he also helped his father give tours for several years. “The son would translate in a high pitched, whispered monotone: ‘What my father said was McCartney slippers…,’” Lopez recalls.

The younger MacLeon moved to an undisclosed location in the mid 1990s. A phone listing for him could not be found, but it’s rumoured he’s involved with the anti-Beatle website Suck My Beatles.

Lopez cautions that Liverpool Two “might be a slight warning about what too much love can do. All you need is love, sure, but this much love kinda creeps me out.”

The ceiling of the TV room is covered with baseball card-size Beatle pictures and visitor comments printed on fluorescent pink, blue and yellow paper. Wrote one man from Pensacola, Fla.: “This is as close to Heaven as a Beatle fan can get. This is FAB!!!”

Copyright © 2010 Canadian Press

Special thanks to Gary Ligi for alerting the world to this sad tale.

“a kind of fantasy morality play about the grossness and warmth and stupidity of the audience”.

The beatles themselves wanted no part in creating another disastrous cinematic offense. The idea of being involved with this lame new project sounded even less appealing to them than their music does to a normal human being. Unfortunately for all of us, United Artists still had the Fab ones firmly by their pink submarines, and ultimately they had little choice but to step aside and allow another brightly coloured turd to be dropped into the septic tank of beatlemania.

The resulting film was an aimless plot revolving around music written to torture children while assaulting you with spastic, gaudy animation. It has since captured the hearts and minds(?) of deluded fans across the globe…what a surprise.

Due to the bewildering success of the beatles Rock Band game, beatlemart has decided to up the ante again. No longer satisfied with merely repackaging and re-releasing the same albums and DVDs three to four times a year while merchandising their likeness on everything from bath toys to geriatric diapers, they’ve decided to not only dig up and re-release this abysmal celluloid black hole but to remake it as a capture animation Disney movie.

The fans are up in arms; disgusted and appalled that anyone would dare to mess with this masterpiece. They are sure to voice their complaints by lining up overnight for tickets, which will be viciously torn in half…by the ticket taker. The stubs will be violently… sealed in plastic and stored haphazardly beside collectibles which hold the lowest place of honour in their MopTop shrines, the Ringo Starr toilet brush and the McCartney radium based wart remover.

1000 years ago today, the Beatles roamed the earth.

This video is not meant to be a joke, but a warning. The beatle-blind masses have already begun re-writing history to deify not only the music and lives of the Fab Four, but every fuzzy dinky drizzle of banality as well. Each doodle and every shopping list ever jotted down by a Moptop is in the process of being bronzed, framed or sold on the black market to mongoloid billionaires and helpless, brainwashed addicts.

Click here to watch the horror unfold: A History Channel Documentary from the Future: Beatles 3000

Enjoy!
Thanks to our friend Bobby for the link.

A beatle tribute cruise is preparing to set sail. The week long nautical nightmare leaves from Ft. Lauderdale Florida in March, sails the western Caribbean, visiting Belize, Costa Maya and Cozumel. This could have been a beautiful trip, but for some reason they’ve decided to turn this pleasure cruise into a floating insane asylum. We fear for the sanity of any pirates foolhardy enough to board this craft in search of booty, the best they could hope for is a handful of novelty can openers and a sharp blade to remove their ears before madness sets in.

If you’re wondering how anybody could be masochistic enough to not only to subject themselves to a bizarre and degrading form of torture, but also to pay $1200 per person (plus $297 for tickets to the special beatle events), you must not be familiar with the average beatle fan. Highlights of the ‘beatle cruise’ include some very impressive specials guests: three beatle photographers, two beatle authors, a beatle painter, a guy who does something called ‘beatle brunch’ and a tribute band.

We could go on to further discuss the atrocities which will no doubt begin moments after the vessel enters international waters, but instead we’d like to leave you with an actual quote from the official Beatles Tribute Cruise website. These words say more than a thousand pictures. Remember, this is meant to encourage you to go on the cruise, not to make your eyeballs bleed or your brain shudder.

Do you want to know a secret? Your mother should know you won’t see me because I’ll get back to follow the sun after I’m back in the USSR because Doctor Robert’s fixing a hole where the rain gets in. So hold me tight. With a little help from my friends I’ll call your name because I want to tell you this boy should have known better if I fell for Penny Lane on a magical mystery tour. Thank you girl, I hope we can work it out when I’m 64.
Your friend,
I am..
The Walrus
P.S. I Love You.

If this doesn’t convince you to make reservations today don’t put away that credit card, there’s also a Rick Springfield cruise and an Elvis Cruise. Hopefully there’s also be a Heaven’s Gate cruise in the works for all those who can’t get tickets in time.

For more info:

http://www.beatlestributecruise.com/index.html

http://www.tbnweekly.com/editorial/local_entertainment/concerts/content_articles/122209_leconcert-03.txt

Seasons Greetings Friends,

The holiday season is once again just around the corner, and in view of these tough economic times we’ve decided to do our part to help save Christmas. Forget about taking out a line of credit to buy $8 Hallmark cards for your family and friends. Show them you care and give them something they really want and need this year. That’s right, impress all the guys down at the soup kitchen! Breathe life into the senseless existence of your pals in the unemployment line! Be the man every woman loves and the woman every man wants to be!

This can only mean its time for SMB’s overwhelming popular Free beatles Christmas Cards extravaganza. Voted Best Free Anti-beatle Christmas Cards of 2008 (by us). Your Dog will thank you for it! Finger Lickin’ Good! Plop Plop Fizz Fizz! 100% satisfaction guaranteed or double your money back.

To download printer-friendly, full sized versions of these incredible cards, just right-click and save this handy file: Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2009
Right Click and ‘Save As’

These cards are formatted to print out at the traditional 5×7 size. Print it on a sheet of paper and cut, or for a professional look get some Blank Greeting Cards and Envelopes and go to town.

For More Free Beatles Christmas Cards:

Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2008
Free Beatles Christmas Cards 2007