Kickass Jokes ONLY for Guys

In Men's Size!

2011-07-29T05:32:00.001-07:00

The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said, "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear. She glanced down and said, "Nice design...does it also come in men's sizes?"

Deacon At The Nudist Colony!

2011-07-21T21:23:00.001-07:00

A church deacon learned there was a nudist colony in his parish and decided he should visit the place to let the nudists know they'd be welcomed at the church, properly dressed. He was advised that he could only enter if he removed his clothing to which he agreed but requested that he be allowed to retain his clerical collar, which request was granted. After an hour or so, he noticed he was

A Good Date!

2011-07-21T21:22:00.001-07:00

These three women were roommates. One night they all had all gone out on dates and they all came home at about the same time. The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up." The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared." The third one said nothing, but reached under her

Your Daughter's Pregnant!

2011-07-18T05:31:00.005-07:00

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!" The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex

The Short, Pink Nightie!

2011-07-11T12:47:00.001-07:00

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nightie. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase. After the wedding the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was

My Poor Dear Hubby!

2011-07-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for sex for quite a while now. Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curled up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire. Feeling sorry

The Naughty Doctor!

2011-07-07T08:04:00.001-07:00

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of shame was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him: "Howard, don't worry about it. You're not the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And, you're single. So just let it go." But

The Unusual Tattoo!

2011-06-29T00:53:00.001-07:00

A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?" "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis." "What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?" "Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow... "Number two, once in awhile, I like to play with my

Would You Like A Drink?

2011-06-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

Jerry Falwell, a well-known religious protector of 'public decency', was seated next to Bill Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. Clinton asked for a whiskey and soda which were brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am,

The Moron IQ Test!

2011-06-20T05:19:00.001-07:00

Study each question carefully, then choose the answer that seems "most" correct (TRUE or FALSE) and mark an "X" (just like you sign your name) on the appropriate line at the right. 1. A clitoris is a type of flower ____TRUE____FALSE 2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit ____TRUE____FALSE 3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird ____TRUE____FALSE 4. Vagina - a medical term to describe heart trouble. ____

Eating Bananas!

2011-06-16T05:59:00.001-07:00

"Good evening, ladies," Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench. "Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked. "No," Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed." "Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?" "Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it one hand and using the fingers of the

The String Bikini!

2011-06-15T05:29:00.001-07:00

Three high-school pals were walking on the boardwalk when they saw the most gorgeous girl in a string bikini. Two of the guys let out wolf whistles and stared their eyes out, but Bubba, the third guy, took to his heels in the opposite direction. A few days later all three were walking on the boardwalk again and saw the same girl, this time wearing nothing but the bikini bottom. And again, two of

The Rubber Glove!

2011-06-07T05:39:00.001-07:00

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves... "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" "No," she said. "Well," spoofed the dentist, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to

Bending Your Boner!

2011-06-06T05:05:00.001-07:00

Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand." "So", says the

The Blonde & The Indian!

2011-06-03T06:00:00.001-07:00

An attractive Blonde, Kitty Mc Neill was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. Kitty climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they

Farting Dixie!

2011-06-02T05:33:00.000-07:00

This homeless guy walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a whiskey." The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money first." "I'm broke, sonny, but if you give me a bottle of whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart Dixie!" The bartender had never seen someone fart any kind of song, so he agrees. The homeless guy drinks the whole bottle of whiskey, then staggers up on stage and the audience

Masturbators Of America!

2011-06-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

Masturbators of America, Give Yourself a Hand! You don't need to use a condom You don't need a dental dam You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty Dollars, Ma'am." Don't need to spring for dinner, Or wear all that sexy stuff All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff 'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land Masturbators Of America, Give Yourselves A Hand!

A Rope & Two Knots!

2011-06-01T01:01:00.001-07:00

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex. The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?" The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!" She

Two Happy Holes!

2011-05-26T05:27:00.001-07:00

A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love and she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes and she let out a big fart. She looked up and said, "Excuse please, front hole so happy back hole whistle!"

Condoms For Every Man!

2011-05-25T05:44:00.001-07:00

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What's are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3

Secrets Of Chinese Medicine!

2011-05-24T06:50:00.001-07:00

I was with my father the other day and I made an allusion to the aging process and it's effects on the seldom noticed functions of the body. He and said, "What are you having problems with?" I told him nothing was wrong but I was beginning to feel "older." "You need to get a complete physical," he said in his matter-of-fact way. "I'll fix you up with Dr. Cheng. He's Chinese, and you know how

World's Oldest Virgin!

2011-05-23T06:44:00.001-07:00

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion. The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said "Please help me. This itch

Discovering Ultimate Joy!

2011-05-18T05:33:00.001-07:00

The Gentleman had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but found it to be occupied. The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir", she said, "The ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He was about to pop,

Business Going Wrong!

2011-05-17T05:35:00.001-07:00

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my #&^?* ass." Too late, he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his bad language. "That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my #&^?* car."

Extreme Exhaustion!

2011-05-15T08:13:00.001-07:00

A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for late projects: 1) A certifiable medical excuse 2) A death in the student's immediate family A smart-ass student raised his hand and asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" As expected, this caused an explosion of