Just The Way I Like

Moved!

2016-10-25T16:39:00.002+05:30

After a pretty long stint here, I have moved to a new domain www.ashwinicn.com

Just The Way I Like is now As The Mind Wanders.

It's always nice to see your name up there, literally. So here's to new beginnings! Looking forward to your continued support as always!

Thanks.

Learning to Look Beyond A Smile.

2016-09-19T10:24:00.000+05:30

Last week, I came across an interesting post on my Facebook timeline:

"For all my friends and my relatives. Everyone will go through some hard times at some point. Life isn't easy. Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the ones who take care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the three hardest things to say are I love you, I'm sorry and help me? Sometimes, just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile to sees how much pain they may be in. To all my friends who are going through some issues right now --let's start an intentional avalanche. We all need positive intentions right now. May I ask my friends to kindly copy and paste this status for one hour to give a moment of support to all those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just needs to know that someone cares."

(This is an edited version of the original post)

It is pretty common to hear that your unusually quiet colleague is a wonderful entertainer outside work, and that person who has a wonderful network of friends and is extremely outgoing, isn't the same when confined to the walls of her house. There are some people who are the same irrespective of the environment they are in, while there are others who choose how they want to be (or how they want others to seem them), depending on the environment they are in. Fair enough, I'd say. To each, his/her own.

But what shook me up recently was how I got to know what really happened in the lives of someone I thought I knew and how I failed to look beyond their smiles.

There is this guy G and his wife W. I was friends with both G and W even before they were married, so I knew them quite well. G is this perfect example of how a guy should be. The way he moves well with everyone, the way he always has a few words of comfort to anyone in distress, the way he always has a positive outlook and so on. W was a wonderful person, always smiling and someone with a wonderful attitude. Some of us used to wonder how a perfect match G and W were, considering the way they complemented each other. A few months ago I happened to speak to another friend who also knew W. She told me that W was under depression and was under medication. I was perplexed wondering what problem W could possibly have that led to depression. When my friend told me all that was worrying W, I was shocked. I couldn’t find the words to speak for a while.

W's problem was G and it seemed they were on the verge of falling apart. The same G whom everyone adored wasn't the same at home. He happened to be an egoist and a sadist of sorts. I couldn't believe that the person I thought I knew had such a dark side that his wife could bear it no longer and had decided to let herself free from such a depressing relationship. I recollected all those smiles and laughs from all these years and I realized how many things W had hidden in her smile. I wondered why W had taken the pain to cover up all that she was going through. She probably didn’t want to wash dirty linen in public or must have thought it would have been a temporary face. But to think of that mental agony and not being able to express it freely with anyone is very disturbing.

I remember this Whatsapp status of a friend and it somehow stayed in my mind from that day – “Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of a battle.”

Image Courtesy : Google

All of us have our own problems. God spares no one. The difference it all makes is how we handle it. If someone says they don't have any problems, they are either lying or they have learnt to look beyond the problems. Some choose to share their problems while others choose to keep it to themselves. Some choose to be engrossed in their own woes and shut themselves off from the world, while others shun them away and don’t get absorbed in the negativity. It all depends on your reaction to the situation and considering the million ways one could react to a situation, that is what makes all of us different.

Perhaps that is why some people choose to hide them behind their smiles. Or they consider that there is a lot better to do in life than to be bogged down by their own woes. It takes guts and a lot of will power to smile when everything around you is sinking. It takes a great deal of courage to be able to mentally come out of that state and afford to smile. And that's why they say we should always be kinder than necessary, for those who are smiling may need your smile to make their smiles brighter.

We could worry because something happened, or we could be happy that something worse didn't happen. If at all something worse did happen, we can be relieved that the worst is all over. But if things don't seem to be getting any better, it's time to step up and set things right because you have only one life to live. You might as well try and enjoy whatever time there is for Heaven hides from its creatures, the book of fate and you never know when your time is up.

What's in your list?

2016-08-21T17:02:00.000+05:30

There is something magical about seeing something written in print. There is always a good feeling about writing —be it your new moleskin, a new pen or if you are a blessed soul, a wonderful handwriting. That’s perhaps the reason people value hand-written notes and letters more than they value emails. Now that hand-written anything has almost become a thing of the past, people have started appreciating its beauty. Also, if you’ve happened to read any productivity hacks or quick tips on being organised, they all state the one thing our school teachers always insisted on.

“Write it down”

Writing something down has been the age old way and perhaps the best way of learning something. Our brains retain information better when we write them down rather than just holding them in our minds. And that is why when there are tasks to do, people ask you to write it down so that you don’t forget anything or have to worry about remembering everything every now and then.

A list a day, keeps your pending tasks at bay!

Image Courtesy : FreeDigitalPhotos

A few years back my mom left me in charge of our home and went abroad. That was probably the first and only time in my life I wished we were in an apartment and not in an independent house. There are a lot of responsibilities when it comes to an independent house and I had no idea how I was going to manage them for the few months my mom was going to be away. I knew that I would have to stay organised and work with a plan, because I knew for the fact that taking care of our home was not as easy as how mom made it seem. I also knew that the more I spent planning and coming up with a plan, the less I would have to worry later. And that was true!

To avoid the trouble of having to remember every little thing about the house, I wrote everything down. I made lists using sticky notes and stuck them all over the place - On my fridge and my doors and anywhere I could find space to stick them. This way, whenever I stepped out of the kitchen I would just have to make an entry in one of the stickies or check if everything on the list was taken care of. I tried concentrating on one thing at a time and that was really helpful for me.

For instance, I had the following lists on my stickies-

Things to buy - groceries as and when they got over
Things to check every day - Availability of bread, chapatti, milk and curd
Things to prepare - Coffee decoction, Chapatti dough, new side dishes for Chapatti, Curd etc.
Things to check before stepping out- Turn off gas knob, switching off the motor/AC/Heater, Keep trash downstairs, Master keys and so on.

This made my life so much easier. I did not have to burden my mind trying to remember every little thing. Surprised by how things worked well I decided to extend it to other spheres of my life. I tried recollecting the many instances where I’ve had to wrack my brains trying to remember something that I had made a conscious note of. With that idea, I started making lists for everything.

I started with simple Todo Lists. And then I went on to add a Todo Today, Todo Weekend and a Todo Later list. And then the lists went on and on so much that I had to make a master list. If you promise not to judge me (Oh wait, I’m not really particular about that, please go ahead and feel free to judge me :-)), I’ll give you a sneak-peak into my Master Todo List

Restaurants to visit
Ideas to write
Books to read/Article links to read
Food Experiments (to cook and eat)
Shopping Lists (Separate ones for groceries, apparels and cosmetics)
Todo Today Todo This week, Todo Someday

I hope you get the drift :-)

I don’t sit and make a list of everything. I just keep adding items to the list as and when something crosses my mind. This might be an old school way of getting things done, but as long as I get work done, I’m happy. There is some unparalleled contentment about checking off all your action items in your list. That feeling is just priceless :-). You have to experience it to appreciate it.

So do you have the habit of maintaining a Todo List? What does that look like?

Playing with the flow of thoughts!

2016-07-25T22:43:00.000+05:30

I hate interruptions.

As much as I’m known for my ability to speak for a considerable period of time in a conversation, I ensure I take a pause every now and then. It gives them a breathing space to assimilate my messages. However I simply hate it when I’m explaining something and people keep asking 101 questions even without having the patience to listen to what I’m trying to say. Most questions would’ve been completely avoided if they hadn't interrupted and paid attention to what I was saying.

In my previous role at work, I was a part-time soft skills trainer. As much as I loved conducting training sessions, there were a few things which used to put me off, though I eventually learned to handle them. I always say that people can ask questions during the course of the session and don't have to wait till the end of the session. I assumed that people would at least hear me out and let me finish a point before jumping into their own conclusions and throwing questions at me. I understand people want to get their doubts cleared, but at least let the other person complete their sentence? It’s just like how Google sometimes doesn't even allow you to complete typing your query and throws pages after pages of what it thinks you are looking for! Sigh. Am I asking too much?

I hate interruptions while writing too.

No, not the I-need-to-cut-off-human-contact-till-I-write-a-blog interruptions. I'm happy writing on anything that doesn’t throw notifications every now on the pretext of trying to help you and the red squiggly lines that appear on the screen, courtesy Microsoft office. It's one thing when you’re trying to type as fast as you can and convert the rapid flow of thoughts to words, and it’s another thing when your word processor keeps pinpointing all the mistakes (Oh for God’s sake let me just write down all of that before I forget the context!) trying to distract your attention. You know the system is trying to make things simpler, but sometimes it just doesn't work.

One fine day, I noticed something which happened to be a panacea of sorts. It had been there all along right in front of my eyes and I had conveniently overlooked it.

Hello Notepad!

Life has been amazing ever since I started writing in Notepad. I can focus just on what I want to write and customise the font styles in a single click, I don't have to worry about the annoying indents and spaces and the numbered lists and of course the red lines. I keep typing on and on till I have converted all my thoughts into words unmindful of the typos or grammar or words that couldn't make it to the screen in the process of transfer. And you know what, it makes a world of a difference to the way I write. It’s like I can just go on without an interruptions and the flow of thoughts is just amazing. Sometimes I wish I could type faster because to keep up with the rate at which my mind throws those thoughts and words cloud. I’m a happier person today. I’ve never even bothered to use Notepad all these years and all of a sudden it’s my lifeline. I cannot write without Notepad when I’m trying to focus. The minimalist design ensures that my focus is just on writing. Such a win!

I then realised it’s not just about writing or speaking. It’s about allowing things of interest to take its own course without forcefully trying to carve a path for it. It’s about allowing certain things to remain the way it is and giving it space to go ahead with its flow. It’s about letting things be the way they are without trying to make them the way you want it to be. Because, you would notice that most of the time things are better taken care of by themselves, if we just go with the flow. It’s about focussing on the one thing that you want to get done at any point of time.

So next time before you do something, take a moment to reflect on whether you are interrupting or aiding the process. Because you never know the consequences of interrupting a child who wants to share his dream with you or interrupting a friend when she has an idea to share with you . You never know!

Of the days gone by!

2016-07-11T08:01:00.001+05:30

I was pretty sure June 2016 would be the most memorable month of my life. Not only because I was getting married, but also because my dear ones were all coming for the wedding and I had planned for a holiday. I was really looking forward to all the rituals because that meant I would get to spend more time with everyone. At the back of my mind a clock was ticking and I knew the family time would last only for a while, so I was determined to make the best out of it. Amidst the rituals, dinners and get togethers and it was obvious everyone wanted to make the best of the few weeks that was available. It was all laughs and smiles. I knew it would be memorable. I knew I’d remember it all my life.

A month away from all that madness- here I am in July wondering how the previous month sped away. The wedding is done, the get togethers are done, the vacation is done and everyone is almost back to their routines. Sometimes when I look back, I hope to recollect all June happenings of the last month. As fast as it happened, it looks like it went on a 2x speed and now I’m having trouble remembering clearly what all we did. It’s all very vague until someone else tags along and we start speaking about what we did. We take time and pause and slowly recollect the events. I had taken very few photos because we hardly had time for that and I really wanted to have fun in person instead of taking a picture every minute. Thankfully the random photos threw some light and helped recollect the happenings of the previous month.

Sometimes its like, did the wedding really happen last month or was it all just a figment of my imagination? Did people actually come all the way and spend time or was it me in my parallel universe imagining that all this happened. We counted months, weeks and days to June and just a month away , it looks like it all happened so long ago. When we all start talking about it in Whatsapp and Skype we reminisce about how things happened the last month and the slowly the visualisations in my mind are clear.

My grandma said this is how things always happen.

We look forward to an event. We plan months in advance preparing for the event and we spend every living minute talking and breathing about it and our excitement knows no bounds. As the D-Day approaches, the excitement levels are at an all time high and after the D-Day, things suddenly seem to work in a 10x speed and before you realise it’s all over. Even if it’s been just over a month it would seem like eons ago.

Life moves on, sometimes in a pace so quick that it might be mildly scary when you think about it.

One day you tell yourself your life will never be the same again and you will definitely miss a place or an event or even a person. As the days fly by, you realise that you begin to adjust to the new environment or in the absence of what made up your environment once upon a time. Once in a while you look at something and get reminded of those wonderful days you thought you’d never ever forget in your life and after a while your normal life resumes.

And then one day, you think about those good old days! Despite thoroughly enjoying every minute of the excitement and having fun with all your near and dear ones, when you get back to your routine you can’t stop thinking about the days gone by, even if its just over a month. Amidst the routine, you take time to think about the wonderful moments that, the smiles and the laughs and the tears alike. The more you think about them, you feel better, initially. And then the sadness creeps in. Like a syringe, it slowly takes you down and all you want is just another chance to go back there and enjoy it all over again.

Just one chance even if it means just for a few seconds.

If only!

Traffic Woes of a Common Man!

2016-06-13T00:20:00.000+05:30

There was this person who never missed reading his daily horoscope. One Monday he read that he would feel powerful that day as the decisions which he was bound to take would impact many people. He felt happy and positive. Half an hour later while he was fighting with an MTC bus driver just before the famous Tidel Park signal for having bumped onto his car, he recalled the words he had read that morning. Being responsible for a huge traffic jam in one of the busiest junctions in the city and holding up many vehicles, he continued his arguments unaware of how he was delaying a hundred others who were waiting to cross the junction.

I am a simple person who leads a simple life. I wake up, drink filter coffee, go to work, get back home. I keep to myself mostly. Just like how I don’t bother people around, I prefer not to be disturbed when I’m busy with my routine. So my annoyance is justified when I’m stopped while travelling, predominantly when I’m on my way to work. I don't mind paying for my mistakes, but why should I bear the consequences of someone else’s mistake?

I’m sure many of us would have been in this situation where the entire world conspires against us when all we’re trying to do is to get to our destination. Let me explain a few common scenarios where people knowingly or unknowingly block traffic.

VVIP’s day out!

I've always wondered how VVIPs claim to lead the life of a common man, when they haven't been forced to stop owing to traffic jams. One can never empathise with the life of a common man unless they get stuck in horrible traffic when they're late for work or trying to get back home. We understand that the VVIPs are on their way to work, but hello! the rest of us aren't jobless. All of us have some work or errands to do and just because some “high-profile” people decide to step out, it is very unfair to bring the entire city to the halt, specially during peak office hours.

Did you just hit my car?

I agree that your blood will boil when a rash driver hits your car. It is natural for car owners to be anxious about the condition of their cars (and the questions the Insurance company wold ask!) more than anything else, so much so that people even forget they are standing in the middle of the road and blocking traffic. All it takes is a minute or so to take the conversation a few steps towards the sidewalk. Take the conversation to the sidewalk (an equivalent of “let’s take this offline, between you and me”) and then don't leave the person who was responsible for damaging your vehicle.

Let’s party, on the road.

I absolutely hate it when people block roads in the name of “religious” celebrations. It’s funny how people conveniently consider extending the celebrations to the road, even if it means putting the public through some inconvenience. I agree that people are free to do what they want, but that shouldn't come at the cost of someone else's freedom. I mean, why should I wait for an hour just because someone else is praying in the middle of the road? Just because people cite God’s name while causing public nuisance doesn't make things any better.

Traffic jams for justice!

I am not against protests. I only have a problem when people think they can just come and sit in the middle of the road and block the road like it was built by their forefathers. I don't know how causing a traffic jam would address their grievance. Agreed the police officers might be called down to hear (not listen) their demands but it’s not like that’s the sure-shot way of getting attention. I’m sure they would all earn their share of bad karma for holding up the traffic and wasting the time of innocent common people. Some problem between a few people and hundreds of them have to wait for a miracle to clear up the traffic. Not fair at all.

So next time when people wish they could lead the like of a simple common man, please explain to them the hardships one has to go through. Explain how murphy is always around the corner and how when none of the aforementioned incidents take place there is at least one board on the road that says “Take Diversion”.

It is high time we consider other modes of transport. Like brooms, for instance.

Of Random Conversations with the Soul #5

2016-06-02T23:09:00.000+05:30

It’s been a while since I noticed that despite wanting to write and having a plethora of ideas, I was just not able to bring myself to get started. My weekends have been pretty hectic with a lot of planning, shopping and other wedding related stuff. When I'm not occupied with any of this, I sit in front of the TV and watch something for hours together without wanting to be disturbed. The problem is, even amongst the madness, I get so many ideas to write, but somehow the discipline to sit and get going with a post has been missing for a while.

You wouldn’t believe if I told you that this year, I did not write a post to celebrate my blog anniversary. Despite having lots to say , I couldn't. I had time, but I couldn’t. I had the words, but I couldn't. I realised focussing on multiple tasks did take its toll on me. My mind kept wandering, making it difficult for me to give my undivided attention to a single task. I realised I kept getting bored for no reason and in the attempt to use my time well, by avoiding doing something that was of no interest, I had ended up juggling a lot of things and wasting my time.

Mutli-tasking is, was and will never be my forte.

It all started with reading books. That habit stuck with me all through school and college and even when I started working. And then came my blog. I had to divide time between reading and writing. And then running happened, then I started baking, and that slowly piqued my interest in learning new things. After a lot of thinking I signed up for Keyboard classes and for marathons. I was getting interested about a few English series and wanted to watch them. I was also on the lookout for opportunities.

The only problem was, I had a job. My mornings were occupied with the gym, so I had to accommodate all of my interests in the few hours that I got to spare in the evening. I followed a schedule of sorts, but soon they all overlapped. I convinced myself that being happy doing something was more important to me than not breaking my schedule and feeling sad about missing an opportunity, thanks to a rigid set of rules. This did give me some freedom to choose what I wanted to do, now and then.

And then the chaos unfolded.

I learnt it the hard way that one cannot have it all (at least if you have a full time job) in very little time. I lost my sense of discipline and the rigid routine which became flexible for a while, stopped being a routine for me all because I just kept getting bored. I’d get bored of reading a book and would switch over to write something. I would then look up some recipes online., watch something online, try a new fitness routine, and…you get the drift. I had been managing things for some time and one fine day I got bored because I had too many things and I didn't know where to start. After a long day at work, breaking my head over what I should do did not feature in my priorities.

It’s not that I’m bored with life on the whole. It’s like reading the first 50 pages of a book. I’d take months to finish the first 50 pages but when I’m done with that, the next 300 pages get done in a week at the maximum. In my defence, despite all these I did write, I sent a few articles which did not get published, I read 2 books, finished a month of keyboard classes, baked bread and cakes and I’m catching up with all my friends. I only wish I had the time and energy to do more of what I’m currently doing.

They say, an idle mind is a devil’s workshop. It’s also the same case when you have too many things to do because you don't know where to start. And the most interesting and inevitable thing that people do in these circumstances - give up on everything and continue scrolling through that timeline, or watching TV binging on Lays Chip or taking up a completely new hobby.

The post looks like it’s not going to end, time to brush up my shuttle skills now I guess!

Tryst with Destiny!

2016-05-17T08:35:00.003+05:30

It’s been almost a decade since my 12th exams. But every year when I read about the exam dates or about the results being declared, I’m gripped by a sense of fear. I would then have to wait for my mind to register the fact that I’ve successfully (I’d like to say so), completed my 12th and I’m far away from schools and exams.

The 12th standard exams are the most hyped-affair throughout our childhood. Even if our parents are cool about it, those around us ensure we are constantly reminded of how “life-altering” they are similar to the become-a-millionaire-in-one-song phenomenon. At school, anything and everything you do (even if your white canvas shoes aren’t that white on a Monday morning) is somehow linked to the final exams. I do agree that these exams are important as the right scores are necessary, in many cases, for us to proceed with our choice of course in a college. But I wouldn't agree that this is a make-or-break event, which if not carefully tackled would meddle with our lives forever.

There is a popular saying that people around the world decide what they want to do in high school, whereas in India people finish their high school and college (mostly engineering) and then decide what to do. I guess people who opt for other streams at college are pretty much focussed on what they want to do. I, like thousand others, did follow the School-> Engineering College-> IT routine, but 2 years after spending days and nights furiously typing code, one fine day I just decided to throw it all away and I told myself I would never touch a piece of code again. I thought I’d have to take my words after a week or so, but then thanks to a few good samaritans, I found work that was remotely related to what I liked doing and what started as, I-will-do-anything-but-coding turned into something more than just a temporary escape route. Luckily for me, it wasn't that difficult to start all over again and I knew that in the long run, the two years spent following a boring routine wouldn't matter. But for many streams one has to start very early because switching midway might not be a viable option.

Many people ask question the relevance our school and college syllabus in our day-to-day lives. Those days of learning where iron ore deposits and sugar cane mills in India were, to getting the location of Delhi wrong every time on an India map, to logarithmic tables and calculus to getting the right shape of a frog’s legs and remembering the punctuations in sonnets, I’m still waiting for the day I would apply the concepts learned in a practical way. I would definitely not say everything was a waste of time, but its relevance in our career might not be as much as one would have imagined at school.

At school it might seem too early to decide what we want to do, for which keeping our options open is a wise step. Having said that, unless we do our homework properly it might be too late to start over and move to a completely different area of interest. So instead of blindly following parents or what your peers are doing, take a step back and find out what you really want to do, speak to experts (Google!) and then choose your course and college. Always keep your options open unless you’ve found your true calling (which for an average adult changes every 2 to 5 years!) so that it would be easy to switch over or multi-task.

For a long time, I thought it was customary to cry after seeing your scores. I grew up in an environment where people expected 97% and cried their eyes out for scoring 96%. So I was preparing myself to handle that situation, but for certain things in life you can never be well prepared. Well, I did cry too because I fell short of what I’d expected. But I knew it was not all over, and that it was just the starting point. That is when I realised that there were two kinds of people in the world - Some who spend all their life waiting for the right cards to fall from the skies while some try to play well with the cards that they have in hand. I’m sure many of my batchmates too must have gone through that phase. And I’m still sure many of them, like me, would laugh at those memories and smile happily for where they are today — for believing they were capable of doing something, following their heart and making the best use of what was available.

Marks are important yes, but they do not come before your belief and your passion.

When people ask me why I pursued a different path that is of no relevance to the 4 gruelling years of engineering (for the uninitiated, engineering is not that difficult but clearing Anna University exams without arrears and revelations is one hell of a task!), I smile and say that I’m happy with what my school taught me. When people immediately assume I’m a maths wizard and I politely clarify what has been helping me in my career, they find it tough to believe my words. I save the trouble of making them believe what I said. Thank god for all my English teachers at school, my copy of Wren & Martin and of course, Shakespeare!

I’m happy I choose a different path, because I believe in what Mark Twain has to say about this. He said, "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than by the ones that you did.” I’m sure nobody wants to live a life a life full of regrets, so why take that chance!

Being a Passive Observer!

2016-05-09T23:01:00.001+05:30

Last month, I got to meet a lot of people at work as a part of a user research activity for a product. I was facilitating this and had to ensure we picked random people from different experience groups and units so that we had a diverse crowd and more importantly, a more diverse feedback. I’d spoken to all these people just once through phone to introduce myself and tell them what exactly I wanted. They all seemed the same over phone but when I met them in person they were so different from each other.

It was an interesting activity for me, personally, because I’ve never met and spoken to so many different people in just over a week and the observations were interesting!

The ones who got my attention the most were those who had very little to speak. It was like expecting a detailed answer and getting a yes or no reply. It was a challenge indeed to get them to speak without it sounding like a Q&A session. Some did get into a comfort zone and started expressing their thoughts without inhibitions, while for some it still proved difficult to get them talking. It was not that people were being careful about what they were speaking, it looked like they were just not comfortable speaking more than a sentence per minute.

There was one senior person who spoke so well, it was a pleasure listening to what he spoke and importantly the way he spoke. The carefully chosen words and the well-spaced pauses, the pleasant tone and just the right answers for the right questions, neither too vague nor too abrupt. Many of them place emphasis on the content, without thinking about content delivery. What good use is a story, if the storyteller cannot hold the attention of the audience for even a few minutes?

When you’re in an enterprise, you’d come across a lot of people who are extremely diplomatic that you would need to read between the lines to make sense of what they’re trying to convey. Despite repeatedly telling people that we wanted honest feedback, and we were doing it to improve the product and not to test their ability, some people just wouldn't call a spade, a spade.

You know how some people annoy the hell out of you even if they do something trivial, I was lucky enough to meet even that kind of a person. He was a personification of everything one shouldn't be. He spoke when he was not required to, and was a self-proclaimed expert who didn't take it lightly when his beliefs and statements were questioned for logic.

Through this activity, I noticed that the knowledgeable ones were able to articulate their thoughts in a way everyone could understand. They explained the most complicated problems in the most simplest way. I find a lot of people try to flaunt their vocabulary when trying to make someone understand something. They fail to understand that the purpose is lost, if the other person doesn’t grasp a single word. They fail to understand that it is more of a test for their communication skills and not their vocabulary!

As I was mentally grouping people whom I thought were interesting, boring and annoying, I wondered in which group all these participants would put me in. Just as I was a passive observer, I knew they must have noticed something or observed when I spoke. I was curious to ask someone, but was worried if they would brand me as a boring person. Everyone thinks highly of themselves and so do I, but when it comes to reality, sometimes it gets difficult to digest the truth. It was one of those rare moments when I choose to stay away from finding the truth. I told myself I was better off without knowing.

Well, ignorance is bliss, isn’t it? :-)

So, have you ever had a chance to interact with a diverse group of strangers? If yes, do let me know what you observed about them. I'm sure they are interesting!

Not just a Utopian Dream!

2016-04-17T16:26:00.000+05:30

Last weekend I finally caught up with Zootopia. The movie was wonderful. I'm a great fan of these animation movies (I've lost count of the number of times I've watched Kung Fu Panda, Ratatouille and Inside Out). The beauty of these movies lies in how wonderfully they convey a strong message in a very simple and subtle manner. Most of these movie plots, work on some theme which people of all ages can easily relate to. I've realized that I'm drawn to movies which focus on hard work and the ones that emphasize on how you don’t need to be special to be able to do anything.

That is perhaps why Zootopia struck a chord with me because I could relate to all what the movie was trying to say,

Anyone can be anything

It’s unfair to be prejudiced against an entire community because of a few

There will always be people trying to put you down- you just have to ignore them.

Anyone can be anything

If you randomly picked 10 people and asked them if they were happy with what they were doing, it would be safe to assume that just 50% would probably say yes and the rest might not say so. All of us have dreams when we're young, but along the way some of us lose sight of what we want to do and resort to doing something else, more as a necessity. One has to be more practical than emotional when it comes to choosing one's life but if we aren't happy with the way we have shaped up our life, what is the whole point? Aren't we supposed to be the architects of our lives?

I wish I could respond with a resounding yes, but at least for us Indians there are a lot of stakeholders to satisfy when it comes to living our life the way we want it. Of course parents these days are really cool about letting their kids choose their paths, but sadly that's not the case everywhere. We are bound by so many restrictions that some just give up and get into a routine which makes them hate the life they're leading. Only when I look at a few such people, do I realize how lucky I've been to be able to do anything (ahem, *calculated* risks), as far as I have some strong reason or passion backing my decision.

Don’t generalize your prejudices

How common have prejudices become today? No wonder we're more surprised when people are good to us than when people behave badly with us. As in, from the world being a good place, with some exceptions, nowadays people look at it as a bad place with some exceptions and hence the reason behind people being surprised with good behavior. We have the most silly prejudices for every category of human beings that the can mind can classify. I am equally guilty of that too. Things would have been better if it were all just in the mind and if people weren’t too vocal about their prejudices. Sigh, one can only hope!

Keep Calm and Ignore!

You know how elders say, if you don’t have anything good to say, please don’t say anything. I really wish many followed this. This is not about learning to take constructive feedback, but it is highly annoying when some people come out of nowhere, with no idea of what you're doing, but speaking in the most negative manner (more out of jealousy than being concerned or practical). So instead of trying to shut them up; they have the right to sound silly; we can try to shut our minds against such negative thoughts and curate what thoughts and ideas get inside our mind. Luckily, we all have that choice. So we should just quit worrying about those people, because at the end you know who has the last laugh.

When I was done with the movie, I looked around and at least till what I saw, I couldn't find any kid in the theater. Still, I could guess that the crowd had enjoyed the movie, the smiles on their faces made that clear. Who said animation movies were only for kids? I beg to differ, and for good reason!

The Silent Spectator

2016-03-28T22:45:00.000+05:30

I walked into the room and noticed he was in a completely different world. He devoted his attention to what was in front of him. He seemed to be completely immersed in what he was seeing, that he did not even realized I’d stepped inside the room. I wanted to say a hi and check how he was doing, but my mind told me not to bother him. I don’t remember the last time I sat with so much focus on just one subject, so I knew how difficult it was to concentrate. Plus, I did not need him to answer my question. I knew the answer by seeing the expression on his face.

He was worried and upset. He was angry and dejected. All at the same time.

Being the only observer in the room, I was trying to decipher what was causing the many mood-swings in such little time. It was interesting to note how despite no other humans around, it was possible to react to a small set of events in a multitude of ways. One minute he was smiling, and he was also on the verge of standing up and clapping. And the very next minute he would slightly shout to express his irritation. And then, I could see fear in his eyes and his mannerisms. I sat watching him for about half an hour, and as time went by, I was able to predict what his next reaction was going to be.

The game just got interesting.

Image Courtesy : FreeDigitalPhotos

Finally, 37 minutes after I entered the room, he looked at me. He looked at me like we both belonged to different worlds and he couldn't care less why I was in that room. I tried to say something but he just dismissed it even without bothering to look at me. I was about to take offence when out of the blue he seemed to have recognized me and said ‘Hi’. Before I could even respond, he looked at me as if he remembered something and he went back to what he was doing. I sighed. I was again left to observe him.

Attention deficit syndrome? Na. It was just priorities, my mind told me.

Elated by the success of being recognized, I decided to establish my presence in the room. I had tea with me and offered him some. Sheldon could not be wrong. Tea makes for good conversation starters. I asked him loudly if he wanted to have a cup of tea. With his eyes still fixed on what he was seeing, he stretched is hand, conveying he would like one. Success. He was at least responding to me. I knew I was going on the right track, but decided to take my steps very slowly.

Just like how kids show interest when we talk like we're one among them, I gathered all information I could muster and decided to talk in his language. I played it carefully. I did not want to give him a lot of info, which would obviously fall on deaf ears. I was aiming for a dialogue and not a monologue. I tried to give him the impression that I was harmless and I was not there to spoil his peace of mind and that I was just trying to make him feel comfortable. Slowly he started responding. The very fact that he acknowledged my words with an occasional 'Hmm' and 'Yea', told me was I going in the right direction.

So far so good.

3 hours, 2 cups of tea, a loaf of home- made bread and vanilla cake later, he finally found his voice and stepped back to reality. I guessed it was a happy ending, for there was no other way he could be that happy after a gruelling 3 hour session. He was comfortable enough to engage in a conversation. To make up for the 3 hours he was silent, he went on and on about how Kohli was at his brilliant best and why Dhoni was an amazing Captain.

He did apologize for not being able to talk properly during the 3 hours. I was magnanimous enough to forgive him, though I thanked him in my mind for giving me something to write about for this week ;-). The least I could do for my fiance who plays and watches cricket :-)

Why fear the writer’s block when you have so many interesting things happening all around you! ;-)

When Murphy Knocks the Door!

2016-03-23T07:55:00.003+05:30

Disappointments come in many ways. Losing your backup is one of them.

Blame it on my OCD for discarding old stuff that I no longer use, I apply the same rule for my phone. I delete apps that I don’t use, delete old files that I've backed up, clear caches and temp folders to ensure better performance. A month back, I noticed that some app was eating up my memory. With hardly a few hundred MB left, I decided it was time for some clean-up. After having tried every possible method to clear up memory, I realized I was going nowhere. So, I took a backup of my phone in iTunes, deleted all data and restored it as a new phone.

My problem was solved, or so I thought.

Image Courtesy : FreeDigitalPhotos

Just as I was jumping with joy on having tackled the issue, I realized that there was a problem with my WhatsApp backup. I couldn't restore my messages. I was surprised to see myself feeling so worried about losing those messages. My mind did not give it too much of a thought, but the heart was terribly upset. I don’t normally save messages, but when I do (like the ones from my mom, sis and our immediate family group), I cherish them.

I've spent hours reading old messages, right from the day we'd started chatting. Mostly it would involve asking mom what she was going to prepare for lunch/dinner and what shopping we should do and where we should eat during the weekend. With my sis, it was more of catching up. I would update her with all the events that happens at home (like who visited us, what sweets they'd brought, whether it was her favourite, what awkward questions they asked) and she would tell me about all her latest trends in her place and how she found a new place for me to try when I visit her. The best part was when mom had visited my sis and the three of us used to chat for hours together when sis and I were both at work and mom was taking care of my nephew. All that, was now gone. Though I remember what the messages used to be, nothing beats the joy of reading old messages from loved ones.

For some reason, my friend found it amusing that those messages were so close to me. She tried to console me by saying, I could always start again and start saving messages but somehow the heart yearned for the good old days and conversations. Be it during the times when sis was staying alone, or when I was staying alone, or when all of us - me, mom, dad and sis were in 4 different time zones, we would all catch up on WhatsApp and it never felt like we were far away. All this was possible only because of a medium that gave all of us a chance to stay connected despite the distance. Not that, I read those messages every day, I would randomly read them when I had considerable time for myself and check out videos of my nephew saying ‘A for Apple’ but the very thought of not being able to afford that luxury anymore made me feel very sad.

It was then I realized that, we always prepare ourselves for big disappointments in life that we forget how to deal with things which might not be quantifiable measure on a scale, but which still has a bigger impact.

As human beings, we are programmed to deal with success and failures and in the long run, we learn to handle happiness and disappointments as well. That’s when we define a threshold – when things fall below a threshold, we don’t bother, but when it goes over the threshold, we panic. But the problem here is the generalization. Theoretically it might work fine, but only when something happens in reality, small or big, we can analyse its impact. That is why we aren’t as disappointed as we expect ourselves to be when some important things don’t go our way and we get extremely disappointed when small some trivial underestimated issues goes out of hand.

After all, it’s the small things in life that matter the most!

Playing by the Rules of Life!

2016-03-09T07:37:00.000+05:30

I have a question for you – Do you know the rules of Life?

If you ask me to answer, I’d say there are none. You just play your game and make up your own rules. That brings me to the next question - How do you deal people who keep telling that you're wrong and that you will have to change your path and rules? I’ve made up 2 rules for those folks:

Rule #1: Ignore other's rules if it doesn’t make sense to you.

Rule #2: Meticulously follow Rule #1

Of course, there will be a few others who might be genuinely concerned for you and may try to put their points across in a subtle manner. It all comes down to going by our instincts on distinguishing the well-meaning and the not-so-well-meaning ones.

Image Courtesy : Google

So, what’s the problem?

The main problem here is, some people around us hate our guts and are completely against us having our own game and rules. First they try to convince you, and then they ridicule you and then they try imposing their rules on you. The bad news here is, they sometimes never give up. But the good news is, you don’t really have to bother.

Let’s take our families for instance. I’ve come across parents who speak so much about empowering young girls and raising them as independent individuals and then go on to create a big fuss because their daughters demand the same. I’ve seen people convincing other girls’ parents to send their daughters abroad for studies but when it comes to their own daughters, they wouldn’t want them to step out of the city. Isn’t all this supposed to begin at home, begin with us, before we blame the society?

Many people consider themselves experts in judging and commenting on other’s lives. I’ve seen people (especially women) gossip endlessly about other women who are successful and are open about what they want in life. These people around shift focus from their lives and start judging every single aspect of our successful heroines. Not that our heroines would be bothered with all the behind-the-scene dramas, but why are we judging people who have every right to live by a different set of rules?

I’m not generalizing here, but when we have so much going on about allocating a day to celebrate ‘Women’ we might as well try and do justice to it in some small way, all through the year. The onus is on both men and women – to treat women well. People often forget that respecting women is not something that only men should take care of, even women should learn to respect other women. (Dear Women, if we don’t stand up for our sisters, who else will!)

Keep Calm and Ignore!

I’ve often heard people complain how badly they’ve been treated by family/peers. Somehow I always feel that in such situations, the mistake is ours. We are letting others treat us badly. Unless we make things clear and stop tolerating such treatment this just wouldn’t come to an end. Stop complaining, voice out your thoughts, stop tolerating others’ nonsense, stand up for yourself, be firm and learn the art of saying No (or ditch the art and just say No. Simple!). Don’t allow others to influence your thoughts too much, or for their words to affect you unnecessarily. It’s their right to speak, it’s your right to ignore.

At the same time, just because you are a woman don’t expect favors or demand others do something for you. You are a woman, and if you want something you are capable of doing it. If you are unable to, request for help, but don’t demand that others do something for you. Please don’t behave badly in front of the world and spoil it for people who are doing a brilliant job living their lives as per their wishes and yet not hurting the sentiments of others.

Your life is first about You

If you want to see the change, be the change. Inspire people to follow and let your actions do the work – whether it is the way you treat others or the way you would like to be treated. Remember all of us are here on our own missions and we have much better things to focus on than getting involved unnecessarily in others’ lives. We are running towards a goal that others might not be even aware of. So let’s focus on what we've planned for us. Let’s not try to deviate just to please everyone. It's impossible to try to please everyone, every time. You don’t have to and you don’t need to either!

On a Quest for Inspiration!

2016-02-29T22:31:00.000+05:30

I used to be a part-time faculty at work a few months ago. I used to handle sessions on soft skills and communication skills, with emphasis on business communication skills. When there was a new forum at work, my colleague and I came up with a brilliant idea of writing posts every week on specific/important aspects of communication. The idea was good and got approved.

We decided to publish posts every Friday. So it was decided that we would brainstorm and finalize an idea by Monday, come up with a draft on Wednesday. We even allocated time for fine-tuning the drafts on Thursdays after which our post would be ready to go live on Friday. We were proud of our plans and the way we thought we would implement them.

Except that, this was the too-good-to-be-true scenario.

When it came to the actual implementation, we realized we had more in store than what we had signed up for. Though we religiously followed the schedule for a few days, we realized that it was quite not possible to stick to it week after week. We used to start talking about ideas on Mondays and struggle to come up with something concrete and push it off for the next day. I remember spending many Thursday nights staring at Notepad and Word praying for inspiration. Somehow, we managed to pull it off and for the 3 months that we were in-charge of the posts, we never missed a single week.

That's when I realized something. Our imagination works at its peak, at times, when we're scared.

Image Courtesy : Google

I've always wondered how creative people work. When something is a hobby you know there are no strings attached so the prospect of setting deadlines for oneself isn't as intimidating as the fear of not being able to meet a deadline set by someone else. When it's work, there are no two ways about it, we *have* to wrap up our work before the clock strikes. When there is so much pressure to get something done, and the additional weightage of trying to meet every one of the stakeholder's expectations, it can be challenging.

Yet, people crack the secret behind coming up with their best ideas, amidst/despite pressure. For some of us (barring the blessed souls who don’t allow external factors to influence their work) it’s more like being pushed in a corner with no escape route and improvising the first idea that comes in your mind. This might not work in our favour at all times, and I am not advocating that you should leave things things till the eleventh hour hoping for a miracle. I remember reading an article which mentioned that creative ideas work best when our mind is tired. Along similar lines, I read that when you’re up against a complex task, you might end up analyzing options and looking for the easiest possible way or the best possible way to break the task and get it done quicker. No wonder they always say lazy people are the best ones to find ways to get a job done quickly :-)

Calvin was right. Very few things inspire people to bring out their best, better than last-minute panic. It’s more like being forced to rack your brains to find out possible hidden talents to *somehow* accomplish your task. You might never know what you would end up doing. You might never know what you’re capable of.

So, do you agree with Calvin?

From Setbacks to Stepping Stones!

2016-02-15T01:44:00.000+05:30

All ok?

It's interesting how the eyes see something and convince the brain that things are fine, and how the brain directs the eyes to take a closer look to find out if things are really the way they seem. For a third person, it might seem like all is well. But apparently, it might not be.

For quite some time now I have been witnessing many people around me open up about the problems they've been going through. Though it’s good to know that people are opening up, I was surprised how I had failed to notice that they weren't doing well emotionally. For someone who boasts of being able to find if someone was happy or sad, I felt bad. I had failed to notice.

I asked Google a lot of questions regarding this and it promptly (and patiently) answered all of my queries. I remembered all those pep-talks and inspiring conversations and articles that I had read and I thought I should probably put them down here. Who knows who else might end up benefiting from this.

Image Courtesy : FreeDigitalPhotos

Move on.

As much as we'd like to hold on to certain people and incidents, things are best dealt with when we learn to move on. We might not be able to forget everything, but we do have the luxury of putting all of them in a box and storing them away as memories. This way we don’t lose track of the present while dealing with the past.

Will it mater in a few years?

This might probably sound clichéd, but it is definitely a good way of helping one analyse whether all the drama and action is really worth it. This serves like a litmus test to decide whether it really matters. If it is not going to matter in a few years, should you really care?

My problem/ Your problem

I read about this technique some time back and I can personally vouch that this is a wonderful way to decide whether to worry about something. Whatever comes my way, I categorize them as 'My Problem' or 'Others' Problem' and it has helped me prioritize and deal with people . I can only worry about things that are under my control. If there is nothing I can do about something which is someone else's problem, I can empathize and help them to an extent, as long as it doesn’t start affecting me in any way.

For instance, What I say - My problem. How others interpret it - Not my problem

What goes around comes around

Karma. Just wait to karma to do its duty and don't be on a hurry to teach someone a lesson. You have a life, and you'd have your own set of goals and aspirations. Why waste time on someone who troubled you? Why give someone your time and a place in your thoughts when they clearly don't deserve it?

It's OK to put yourself first

I hate it when people call others selfish for putting themselves first. As long as my decisions aren't impacting others, I don't see any reason why I would have to be called selfish for considering my needs ahead of others. The way I see it -I'm the only person who is going to be around myself for a long time. So unless I take care of myself and make peace with my past so that it doesn’t affect my present, I wouldn't be able to live my life peacefully. All I'd say is don't be too hard on yourself, forgive yourself, pamper yourself a little now and then and just keep going.

Have some patience, faith and wait.

Some things take their own sweet time and we have to go with it in its pace rather than forcing things to work in the pace we want to. Just like how we might not get the best results immediately, the immediate results might also not be the best. We need to re-learn to be patient, have faith and wait.

Someone did rightly say ' Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.’

So don’t take life way too seriously, give it a mix of the seriousness and the fun it deserves. Also remember that you’ve been given all those problems because someone up there knew you would have the courage to tackle them. And what’s life without a few ups and downs anyway?

Cheers!

From Cards to Words & Beyond!

2016-02-04T23:15:00.000+05:30

My mom has this annual cleaning activity, and she insists that I participate every single year. Honestly, I love cleaning my bookshelves and wardrobes, provided it’s done occasionally. I’m no Monica when it comes to cleanliness but I like how the activity involves running through stuff which might probably be decades old, and reliving the memories associated with every simple little thing. It helps me go back to the person I was earlier and realize how fast time has flown by.

Image Courtesy : FreeDigitalPhotos

Of all my treasured possessions I’ve carefully maintained these many years, I pride over my collection of Greeting cards. I’m not sure if the current generation would understand why a thick sheet of paper with some roses and words in random fonts, with some personalized messages, is such a big deal. I’m grateful to my parents for very many things and I’m particularly thankful that they instilled in me the habit of gifting greeting cards and collecting them. As far as I can remember, all the cards which were exchanged in the family were primarily from Landmark. It’s not as simple as just walking over to the store, choosing the occasion and picking a random card. I’d spend hours reading every card that had a nice design and then read the words to see if I could connect to it or if the receiver would be able to relate to it. It was a very elaborate affair, yet no one complained.

Since I was dependant on my parents for these Greeting-Cards-Excursions, it was tough to surprise them with a card. So, one year for their anniversary I decided to collect all the cards that I’d got (and a few that were addressed to mom and dad), I cut out the words and those cute teddy bear pics and bouquets and stuck them on a chart paper that I’d converted into a greeting card. Inspired by the success of this, I used this technique for a while, till I ran out of words and flowers from my collection.

After that I decided to make cards from the scratch. I outsourced the drawings to my sister and borrowed words from other greeting cards, adding my own words here and there. This was interesting. Soon, my words kept getting better (the drawings were still bad, so I continued to outsource it to my sister) and the joy of making the loved ones smile was extra special, because I knew my words had done the trick. I did use 123greetings a lot, I loved the fun and interactive animations but somehow the old-school me preferred physical cards to eCards.

Gradually, the frequency of gifting cards went down and a few SMS forwards were widely circulated for birthdays and other occasions. And then came Social Media. Many people blame social media for a lot of things, but I like how it has helped many people realize that they are good at something else apart from just studies. It’s interesting to read the birthday messages that people write on their walls, and you realize how incredibly talented people around you are. Though these messages and statuses cannot be said to have taken over greeting cards, I’m happy that the despite the medium changing, the power of words still remains and people still appreciate the words we use to pen our thoughts.

There is definitely some magic in these words. What makes a greeting card special is the way we are able to relate to it and the way the words help us convey our emotions, which we probably had a tough time expressing. With time, we’ve learnt that we don’t always need to take the help of pre-written words, and that we are capable of finding the perfect word to convey our emotions. When you realize that the words were handcrafted specially for a loved one, it makes it all the more special.

I’m not sure if it would be fair to compare greeting cards with the other mediums of expression that we currently have. At a high-level, the crux remains the same, it’s the medium that has changed. The power of the word can never be matched. All that matters is the thought- to either spend time going through a hundred cards to choose the right one, or rack your brains to find the perfect words to convey your thoughts. Either way, as long as we stick to some medium and aren’t lazy to express our thoughts, I think we’re all fine.

Does everything happen for a reason?

2016-01-25T01:05:00.001+05:30

You are on a mission. You want to get a nice silk saree. You are guided to a particular section of the store based on your preferences. You randomly tell your colour and design preferences and then you are shown numerous sarees that match your description. Beyond this people proceed in a different way. Some narrow down options by elimination, while some others do it by careful selection. A lot of thinking goes behind the scenes.

Consider another scenario. Your mom asks you to get a packet of Gulab Jamun mix. She specifies that she wants only the MTR packet. So you go to the store and head to the appropriate section and look out specifically for what you have in mind. And then you get to the section where there are hundreds of other packets, with the same name. You just pick one at random not worrying about which of the 100 packets you need to pick because they're all the same.

So, some things happen for a reason and for some other things - they just happen.

All my life, I grew up listening to my Grandpa tell me repeatedly that whatever happens, is for a reason. Perhaps even a good reason. He also mentioned that, it might be difficult for us to initially accept negative results, but we need to learn to accept things and take them in our stride. While one part of me started following this and took whatever came in a positive way and believed there was a reason for something to happen, there was one part of my mind that couldn't see the logic behind this. Don't some things just happen sub-consciously? I mean, is there a reason that my mind sub consciously chooses to pick a chocolate from 10 others of exactly the same brand?

When I happened to discuss this with my mother, she spoke about the power of the subconscious mind. It might appear that we do certain things casually, but may be deep down we are programmed to do certain things in a certain way, even without realizing it. But for certain other things, we agreed that it might not necessarily have a reason behind its occurrence. The other day, I was in a bad mood while driving and I got annoyed when the signal turned red just before it was my turn to cross the junction. I convinced myself the world was conspiring against me. Once I'd calmed down, I figured I was just over-reacting because of the bad mood I was in. So this signal turning red, did not necessarily have a reason, I just made up one.

To classify things broadly (based on our conversation), whatever we do - the decisions that our brain conveys to the rest of the system, is based on some pre-determined algorithm, while those things that happen to us (things that we have no control of) may or may not have a reason behind it. Some people read too much into everything that is beyond their control and say that it's God's way of conveying something to them. While some others prefer to go my logic. Some are in between the two, believing in co-incidence and things that are meant to happen in a particular way.

Since things were getting slightly technical, we decided to conclude that, "Some things happen, they just dont need any reason."

Despite all this discussion, I dont think my mom was convinced when I said I had no role to play in the Lays pack that had magically found its way to my grocery shopping items :-)

‘It just happened ma, trust me! ;-)’

2015 - The Year that Was!

2016-01-11T00:52:00.000+05:30

Keeping up with the tradition of posting the yearly round-up, I decided to analyse and write about how 2015 had an impact on me. Before I could delve any deeper on the events, I was sure of one thing though. I had no idea on Jan 1st, 2015 that this is how my life would shape up. On Jan 1st 2016, when I was thinking of how the previous year went by, the first thing that got my attention was how different my original plans were, and despite going-with-the-flow and taking very many diversions, how grateful I am to be here.

If I had to describe 2015 as briefly as possible, I would have to say that it was the Year of Risks. Some of them paid off, thankfully; while some of them didn’t (giving me more topics to blog about, talk about silver lining ;-)).

Image Courtesy : FreeDigitalPhotos

Personally, it was another eventful year. Many highs, many lows, and they all finally added up to give me a pretty decent experience. A few things went the way I’d planned, and a few things did take an unexpected turn. I was happy that I was prepared to handle things, rather than just standing without knowing what to do. I wish I’d attempted a lot more things that I’d planned to do and wish I’d stayed away from a few things which didn’t go well with me. Anyway, there has to be a first time for many things and I thought I should consider it as something that I tried and failed and then just move on to try better things.

I did get to write, but wish I wrote more. I did spend time with loved ones, but wish I got some more time. I did run 2 more marathons, but wish I’d got to train better. I did get into a good fitness routine, but wish I’d got to spend dedicated time in my routine. I did bake more cakes and try new flavours, but I’m looking to experiment with healthy dessert and other eating options. I did get to read, but wish I got to read more. I attempted Zumba (a new activity for the year) and loved it, but for the want of time, I had to give it up after 2 months.

If there is one thing I could have managed better, I wish I had managed my time in a better way. I realized that being the Jack of all trades was no mean feat. I realized that having way too many interests which requires a dedicated schedule or time would work only with meticulous planning. That’s when I took a call on what I was doing and gave up on many things which I felt were just occupying my time and not letting me concentrate on other interests.

Even as I write this, I’m reminded of a few goals for 2015, which I hope would probably see the light of day in 2016. As much as I’m happy when I check off my goals for the year, I’m equally happy to remind myself that human beings were never designed to be perfect and that’s a very good reason to not bother too much with those half-completed activities.

I’m a human, and I’m not perfect and I know it :-)

2016 started off on a wonderful note and this is indeed going to be a very special year for me, for more reasons that one, and I cannot wait to get started to see what’s in store.

So, how was 2015 for you and what have you planned for 2016?

P.S. I attempted to write fiction and posted a short story here. In case you haven't read it, please do. I'd love to know your feedback :-)

Of Fixed Mindsets & Prejudices!

2016-01-05T23:52:00.000+05:30

I never understood why people in escalators start climbing the steps that are already moving upwards.

I never understood why people would go through the torture of getting their ears pierced again, just to wear a small stone.

I never understood how people appreciate Sambar Vadai even when its USP - It's crispiness - being completely lost.

All of us have our own unique ways of doing things. While some of us are open to experimenting with different methods every time, some of us stick to what we know the best even at the cost of not even attempting another easier or better method. While some people believe that there are many ways to perform something in the right way, some people believe that there is just one right way to do anything and it's their way. Though we might not belong to either of these extremes our mind constantly juggles between any one of the two states.

One such day, my mind was somewhere along how could people do this, to do people actually think doing this is better than doing it the way I do it. I kept wondering why certain people would do the aforementioned things. When I mentioned about this to my mother, who is an ardent fan of Sambar Vadai, she asked me how I could come to a conclusion without trying any of them. Having realized that the problem was with my understanding, I tried to attempt the said activities.

I climbed the stairs of the escalator while it was still moving upwards and realized it doesn't make much of a difference other than saving a few seconds. So if that few seconds matter a lot of certain people, perhaps that's the reason they choose to do it. My sister wanted to get her ears pierced (second ring) for a very long time and everytime she told me about it, I would discourage her as I really wasn't into that idea and wondered whether the result would be worth the pain. One fine day, my sister and I went to the store, got a new set of ear rings and pierced our ears. I have invested in a few more second ear rings and I love the way it makes me look. Whenever my Grandma made Sambar Vadai or Curd Vadai, she used to save a few crispy ones for me as she knew I did not have much of a preference to the ones soaked in Sambar and Curd. One day, on a whim I ordered a plate of Sambar Vadai. Though I'm not a very big fan, I did enjoy the different taste and texture of the Vadai. I emptied my plate it minutes, but wasn't sure if I'd order it again. (Update : I did!).

Once I'd tried all these things, I realized those weren't bad after all, and I was trying to figure out why my mind was so prejudiced in the first place. Probably an overpowering influence or just that I found something that works for me and stuck it to for the sake of convenience. But I'm unable to remember how something that worked for my convenience, got promoted as the best possible way to get something done. No idea how that happened. It was amusing to note how opinionated my mind was for such silly things and how I'd stuck to it all along. For someone who considered herself flexible, I was surprised. I made a mental note to try and analyze how I make my decisions (starting with certain simple tasks) and understand if there were any fixed mindsets involved.

Anyway, now that I'm in this let-me-get-rid-of-my-prejudices mode, I felt this couldn't have come at better time than this. As we step into yet another amazing year, it does make me feel good that I'm trying to step into the new year with an open mind. If I can change the way I think and look at the small things in life, it will definitely impact the way I think and analyze the more important things in life.

This did not start off as a new year resolution, but if you want to do something then - why not? ;-)

Happy New Year :-)

Do you mind sharing any such incident which made you realize that you were prejudiced for no reason? How did you react once you learned about it?

And Oh! Happy New Year :-)

A Son's Vengeance!

2015-12-21T23:35:00.001+05:30

Murderer! He shouted.

I was caught unawares as I heard the sound of my door getting slammed. I turned around and was shocked to see who was standing in front of me. A mistake that had grown up due to my reckless nature, and a mistake that I had failed to have taken care of at the right time. There was no one else at home, the maids were off and there was no way out of the room. I was cornered. He had timed it properly and waited for the right time to pounce.

Masterstroke.

‘I’ve not come to ask you why you killed my father. I’m here to seek vengeance’, he said, his voice loud and clear in the close room.

I knew it was of no use trying to reason with someone who had made up their mind, rather trying to reason with someone who had lost his father because of me. Still, worried about my immediate future I tried to say something but he dismissed me.

‘Please, listen to me! I accept that I was the reason your dad is no more, but it was not my decision. I was forced to carry out the orders from up above!’

He knew that the blame game would start and people would start pin-pointing others. He was prepared for this. But his investigations and sources told him that he had found the right person and that if he spared the culprit tonight, the next day his own life would be at stake. He tried not to listen to what the culprit (I) had to say and wanted to get his work done and leave at the earliest. But then his instincts told him that making this man speak would help him get some more information on the dastardly act that was committed and the injustice that was done to his father. So, after a split-second decision, he gave the culprit a chance to speak.

‘Go on, tell me who all were involved in this!’

I could recollect the entire course of events, like it happened just yesterday. When one person rises up the ladder faster than the normal, expected rate he is bound to face opposition and earn the wrath of many. Often, people are so busy focussing on taking the next step in the ladder that they forget about the people surrounding them and their intentions. Word gets around, the common enemies of the aspiring leader gather around and take it forward. The same thing happened to this person and people decided to get him out of the way quietly. Aware that he wouldn’t move out quietly if given an option, they decided to get rid of him for good, for reasons unknown, and passed on the dirty work to me.

They made me an offer I couldn’t refuse and I had to take responsibility to ensure the smooth completion of the operation. We planned and made it look like an accident. It did look convincing enough, but again a few people weren’t convinced and they probably told his family about the suspicious circumstances and the primary suspects of what could have actually been a murder. But it looked like someone in authority had silenced those who spoke and for a while they seemed to have gotten away and breathed without a worry.

Six months later, I stood in front of his son who had pointed a gun at me.

I tried to say something but I could sense how angry he was and I was sure whatever I said would enrage him even more. He was shouting in anger and just as I was about to say something, he pulled the trigger.

I woke with a start, and realized he perhaps I’d had a very bad dream. I realized I was sweating despite the air conditioning and that I was breathing quickly. I took a sip of water, took a good look at room I was in, ensured that the room was locked from inside and decided to sleep.

A minute later, the lizard that was watching the man tremble smiled to himself and decided to jump down from the ceiling and finish what he had planned for so long. Finally he would bring justice to the man who had murdered his father.

P.S. This is my first attempt at writing a story. Looking forward to your feedback

P.P.S. Please be nice :-D

The Spirit of Chennai!

2015-12-08T21:47:00.000+05:30

No one can really be prepared for an emergency. Mainly because we somehow think that in the event of a calamity (god forbid), we will be spared of impact. But does luck favour us every time?

Nope.

Last Tuesday, It started pouring. Continuously. Badly. With Vengeance. The highest ever in over a century. This went on till Friday, forcing all offices to close operations bringing the entire city to a standstill. Streets were water logged and power was out in many places; mostly as preventive measures, network was down and reaching people even through landlines became an issue. Ground floors were badly damaged in many areas, forcing people to move to higher floors and in places where that luxury wasn’t available, they were forced to wait in knee/waist/neck-deep waters till help came by.

My 78 year old Grandmother said this was the worst ever floods she has witnessed in her lifetime. The damage was too much, emotionally and financially.

Just imagine this. You are forced to live without any dependence on technology, without much human contact, learning to use every drop of water wisely, and being forced to sit in one place because of the difficulty in venturing out. Or even worse, being forced to move to another safer, higher level accommodation under someone’s mercy, leaving behind everything that was yours till a few minutes back. Imagine how it would be when you’re desperately waiting for someone to give you a piece of bread or biscuit or anything palatable. Imagine how it would be to see everything that you saved and built over these years slowly sink in the waters, in front of your eyes.

Image Courtesy : Google (Not mine!)

A day after the torrential rains, while it was still pouring, Chennai’s citizens decided to take things in their hand. They showed the rains that it cannot deter their spirits to help their fellow citizens in trouble. Even before the Army and NDRF could start rescue operations, the citizens came together and opened their doors to those who would need a roof. People made the best use of social media to coordinate and provide contacts of volunteers on an area basis, who would be point of contact for checking on people or arranging measures for rescuing them, to providing updates on the conditions and requesting for relief material. What started slowly, gained a lot of momentum over the day, and over the next couple of days and we had a massive group of people coordinating and Volunteering on the ground and overseeing relief measures. All this despite power and connectivity and accessibility issues.

Whoever wanted to help, helped. Whoever could help, helped. Whoever wanted to help but couldn’t, wished they could help and prayed. And for whom did they do all this? For some random people whom they might never have met or will possibly never meet. The intention was just to help, anyone and everyone. Of course, large scale rescue and evacuation and relief measures were taken over by authorities (Respect!) but it is amazing to see how people extended their hands to those who were in need in those critical hours.

It’s been over a month since the students went back to Schools and colleges thanks to the continuous spells of rain. We office-goers used to wonder if we would get such rain-based holidays. We got one rain-holiday last week and we thought we were done with it. But this week, all offices had to shut down for almost 4 days because of the havoc that was wreaked on the city, strong enough to bring a metro like Chennai to a stand-still. Never ever would I ask for a rain-holiday again. Never. But among all this, if I have learnt something, it’s the never-give up spirit of the city and its citizens, especially in situations like these. I’ve always been proud of my city and after the way the citizens helped each other get back to normalcy, I couldn’t be more proud of the city that raised me!

Here’s to Chennai and to all the volunteers and unsung heroes!

Cheers.

Home is where the heart is!

2015-12-01T19:19:00.000+05:30

My father had planned for a vacation right after my sister completed her 12th exams. Dad wanted her to chill out after a hectic year of preps and exams and preps and exams. We were in Goa, in a wonderful villa overlooking the sea amidst a beautiful property. It was around the third day of our holiday, when we were relaxing after a para-sailing experience that we noticed my sister was slightly down. When dad asked her what was wrong, she said that she was home-sick. Mom, Dad and I were surprised and did not know how to react, considering that the very people who were at home were present at that moment. She said she liked the holiday but was beginning to miss home.

Image Courtesy: FreeDigitalPhotos

There was this friend of mine at work who never looked forward to the holidays like how other hostelers do. She had opted for an individual room and though she preferred staying away from the hostel gangs, she was someone who would keep herself occupied some way or the other. She always used to tag along with us city dwellers and despite the considerable distance involved she used to manage and ask us not to worry. She used to come with us for movies and shopping and for anything and everything. Sometimes she used to spend time by herself cooking and reading and inviting us to her place. She maintained her place very well and she took special care in decorating each and every corner. She even told me that she looked forward to spending time in her 1BHK room than her hometown because this place made her comfortable and made her look forward to going home after a hard day’s work.

Home is where the heart is. But is it your home or home away from home?

I am emotionally attached to my home. I saw it being built from scratch. Along with the bricks and cement, my dreams and thoughts also went into the construction and that is why I can call this house my home. It’s been more than a decade since we moved in and every corner has some memory attached to it. All my problems and worries just disappear when I step into my balcony and sit on the swing (the traditional one) and just stare at the sky.

For people like my friend, who was looking for an opportunity to get away from an environment that prevented her from being herself, she was lucky enough to find a home away from home and build it from scratch. Yes the structures were present, but she got to fill up the place with memories and get into a comfort zone where she could smile and cry and vent out her frustrations in an environment that made her feel comfortable. Despite not being lucky enough to grow up in a place she could call home, she was lucky enough to find some place which she could call her home.

In case you’re wondering what I’m trying to convey, I was talking to a friend about how it would be difficult for people who are emotionally attached to their homes to move away to another city and set up a new home. That’s when the aforementioned friend stated, that some people like her who aren’t comfortable in the environment they grew up in, look forward to setting up a home at a home away from home. I was finding it tough to accept it, but then I realized it was because I liked the environment I grew up in and a few don’t get it that easily. And when things aren’t quite according to the way you want them to, there are people like my friend who find the right time to step out and still find a place that they would proudly and lovingly call their home.

That’s when we both agreed on something. A home need not necessarily be a place that you spend most of your time growing up, but it will definitely be a home if you step inside and find some peace of mind even if there aren’t any living beings to console you, wherever in the world it may be.

Fair enough?

A Spell of Rain, Whose Mischief Couldn’t be Managed!

2015-11-24T19:59:00.000+05:30

I really wish I’d received my letter from Hogwarts. I know I would have had to wait for 6 to 7 years to learn to apparate, but at least I would’ve been able to fly on a broom till then. Considering the current road conditions (the small stretch of concrete or tar amidst the potholes), I’d prefer to apparate or fly rather than ride, drive or walk in/on/around Chennai roads.

When my mom warned me about the possible rains in Chennai a week back, I didn’t give that much of a thought. Riding during the first day of the rains turned out to be a very difficult affair with reduced visibility, and with the eyes constantly trying to find a way among the vehicles, pedestrians and water puddles. On top of this, care had to be taken to avoid getting drenched by the water splashes from bigger vehicles, which could have been wonderfully Instragramed through Slow-motion video in my camera. I was skeptical about riding right through the puddles since it proved difficult to guess how deep the puddles were, so I had to avoid all the short-cuts and take the main roads. Somehow I managed to reach office and vowed not to take my two wheeler to work for a few days.

Image Courtesy : FreeDigitalPhotos

So the next day, as it continued to pour I decided to take a cab. After missing almost 5 cabs by a few seconds, I finally managed to book one. The driver said he would need 20 minutes to come. I would have been completely fine even if he had said he would need an hour. Once I got into the cab, the driver gave me an update of what was going on in the city and he said that almost all the main roads were flooded. He even asked me why I was working today and then in the next half an hour he continued his rants about the pathetic conditions of the city. I decided to shut up and not argue because I realized that it was not the right time to prove how much I love the city, and I had nothing to argue against. I managed to reach work, and spent the day mostly worrying about how to walk to the cafeteria in the adjacent block and how to get back home.

The following Monday, I struggled to find a cab. After a few attempts I gave up and decided to work from home. A few hours later, as I watched the news and the incessant downpour, for once I knew I’d done the right thing and continued to work with frequent trips to the kitchen. At the end of the day I was happy as I’d managed to avoid all the hassles of travelling in those conditions. After the previous week’s adventures I was happy that it turned out to be a good day.

I opted to work from home even the next day, keeping in mind the water logged situation. I guess I pushed my luck a bit too much. An hour later I realized that the power was out and the inverter’s battery was about to drain. I immediately tried charging my phone and laptop. Promptly a few minutes later, the inverter conked. I managed to check mails and get some work done through my phone’s hotspot. This went on for some time till my laptop said good night and went off to sleep. My phone was threatening to follow suit. I prayed and prayed and finally the power was back after an hour, just when my phone was about to get switched off. I couldn’t wait to get back to my normal routine.

I thought luck was completely against me. How wrong I’d been. Scores of people were stranded at various places even without the basic amenities or a place to go. Braving all odds, there were some wonderful souls who were trying to reach out to as many people and help them in some way possible. That’s when I realized how lucky I was to have something to eat and to be able to stay away from the rains without having to wade through knee deep waters and remain within the comforts of my home. That’s when I realized how handicapped it felt without power for just half a day. That’s when I thought I should stop complaining about power fluctuations, when there were far better problems to be tackled.

That’s when I realized, I should actually stop complaining in the first place and count my blessings.

4 Years and Counting...!

2015-11-17T11:10:00.000+05:30

What a journey it's been so far! :-)

It's been 4 years since I stepped into the corporate world. I remember by first day very well. Mom and Dad dropped me at our Training Center and I stepped into the building with a bunch of documents and a truckload of dreams. And here I am, 4 years later, standing with considerable satisfaction looking back at how things have gone so far, how incredibly lucky I’ve been and looking ahead, looking forward to the rest of the journey.

Image Courtesy : FreeDigitalPhotos

Over the 4 years, I’ve switched between teams and this is my 3^rd team. I’ve jumped to completely different streams, which is not quite common in a predominantly technical oriented organization. I started off as a developer in Java (hey, I am an oracle certified programmer in Java!). After a year of working in Java, as much as I got to learn I got bored because I knew I’d have to keep doing the same thing over and again and I moved to a non-technical role. I had to take up an interview and some written tests and then I was ready to become a Technical writer.

I moved from a Customer role to a Corporate function and I was blown away by the exposure and the network of people I got to talk to. It was here that I had started conducting soft skills sessions (a part- time faculty) and I enjoyed conducting all those interactive sessions. 2 years into that role and I realized there was nothing more I could do anymore, and after it was clear to be that there was no proper career path from there, I jumped to another team. A team that was formed just recently and I was lucky enough to find a place there. I’m currently a content writer of sorts and I’m looking forward to what’s in store for me.

It’s been a wonderful journey so far, and I’ve been extremely lucky. I use the word ‘Lucky’ a lot because it’s being in the right place and the right time and meeting the right people that has got me here. In an organization as big as ours, to move into a non-technical role and still find opportunities for growth and options to choose from is slightly challenging and I’m glad I did have options. I met the right people who told me about many aspects of the organization that most people wouldn’t have been aware of. I got to know someone because I had to shift my workstation from one block to another and my new next-cubicle acquaintance was impressed (I think!) with my blogs and after a few discussion I was in her team. It just clicked.

And how exactly did it click? People believed me and entrusted me with work. I’m not sure if I’m properly qualified to do the work that I’m doing/I’ve done. It was the belief that people had in me, and the opportunity that they had given me that has brought me here. I’ve worked with some incredible people and teams and it’s been such a great learning experience. Beyond a point, I realized that more than the qualifications it’s our attitude that matters the most. Being in a communication field, attitude and people skills definitely add to our advantage.

I know I am happy, because I don’t hate Mondays. I am as excited about my work as I am about my blog and oven. My work isn’t monotonous. I get to be creative, but with a deadline. That’s ok because I at least get to showcase something which I think, I think, I am decently good at :-). I’m really not sure what the future has in store for me as Heaven hides from its creature the holy book of fate, but whatever it is I am excitedly looking forward.

Cheers!

Festive Spirit - Here, There and Everywhere

2015-11-10T23:05:00.001+05:30

During the Diwali weekend, I was riding back home from work through the commercial hub of Chennai - T Nagar. As I crossed a flyover, I couldn’t stop to admire the brightly lit buildings. I could sense that festive spirit that was around. Scores of people had descended on the streets of Chennai to shop for themselves and their loved ones. The lights, the noises of the crowd and the 'Sale' signboards everywhere, did add to the festive spirit and from nowhere I had started feeling excited.

Commercialized Celebrations?

Many people cry that a lot of festivities have been commercialized. Considering that they are done to keep customers (citizens) happy, I don’t see what's wrong with that. I get to wear new clothes, make/buy sweets and savouries, watch special programs or movies and burst crackers (depending on my budget). But when you step back and take a look at the big picture, it's about sharing these moments with our loved ones that makes it all the more special. I see it as a way of expressing our love and affection for those around us. Buying new clothes for the family and extended family, bonding while preparing special sweets or enjoying a good conversation while eating them, bursting crackers with the tiny tots and the elders; all this gives us an opportunity to spend time with our fellow beings, something which we might not be able to do on a daily basis. So on these days, when you have options to pamper your loved ones with stuff apart from your love and affection, what's wrong, I ask.

Diwali gets all of us slightly more excited that the other festivals because this is one festival that the entire country celebrates at the same time. So even if you aren’t exactly in the festive mood, just seeing others celebrate and being happy with their friends and family would automatically bring a smile on your face. It's contagious I tell you.

I reached home slightly early on Diwali eve and found Amma busy in the kitchen. Since it's tradition that we make sweets and savouries at home, I asked what mom had planned and then went over to where she had stored the sweets. I found that there were enough sweets to start a min-sweet shop. Seeing my surprised look, mom told me that a few of our friends and some relatives had sent them over.

My Super-Mom's Sweets and Savories for Diwali :-)

Being Remembered

I was happy. People, despite being busy with their own preparations and celebrations for Diwali, had taken a minute to remember our family and had sent over some sweets. It might have been home-made or a gift box from Nuts and Spices, but it's the thought that really counts. Yes, I agree that they must have done the same for a 100 other people or outsourced this work to someone, but when you are never short of people whom you know, making it to someone's list of top 100, is definitely an achievement. I'd rather focus on that.

One among the very many gift boxes that we received :-)

And you know when I felt really blessed? It was when my NRI friends who missed the sweets, the constant crackers' noise, the wishes and happy faces and almost everything about being at home on a festival. I realized how so many people would have yearned to spend the day like I did and how much I’d taken for granted. I did feel bad for them, but that helped me realize how lucky I was to be in the midst of the most happening celebrations and happy people.

You are never too old for sparklers!

Happy Diwali :-)

May this festival of lights bring peace, joy and happiness to you and your family :-)