The Unemployment Cafe

/imˈpēCH/ /T͟Hē/ /ˈməT͟Hərˌfəkər/

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sun, 06 Jan 2019 04:15:00 +0000

*If profanity by a woman makes you go fetal, I don't give a fuk. Call your therapist, motherfuc*er.

Do not listen to one motherfucker who is pretending to be horrified because an empowered woman said impeach the motherfuc*er.

These people voted for a birther pu**ygrabber.

They have no moral ground. They support Pu*sy Grabber separating kids from their parents. They support Pu**y Grabber looting the country, by any means necessary. They support him putting the unqualified Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court. These people would crush my neck to prop up this petty vindictive birther.

These people think they get to shit on us and we have to be polite?
Newsflash: Pussy grabs back. HARD.

Do not listen to pundits and civility marms who are more offended by profanity than by Trump's corruption. Yes, I'm talking about professional do nothings like Jeff Flake and Mitt Romney. Always whining about Trump but unwilling to put any political currency behind holding Trump accountable.

They tolerate Trump's garbage but profanity makes them clutch their pearls. Are these cowards serious?

Trump's entire life is dedicated to be a petty vindictive bullying man. Motherfucker is too kind to him.

Photo credit: Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

#SaturdayThoughts

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 20:00:00 +0000

Why am I too lazy to pick up my dry cleaning? Why can't a minion magically appear with the clothes?

After yoga, I thought my apartment building was empty so I screamed to release more stress. The scream was semi blood curdling. A neighbor texted 'Are you okay?' Embarrassing.

I love this Mariah Carey song

Impeach the motherfucker.

Toasted bread with olive oil and raisins is good.

I received a Google Home Mini for Christmas. I am addicted. It's like a roommate who only cares about me and never ever eats my food. I hate that I like it.

Photo credit: Photo by Rodolfo Marques on Unsplash

I love Nicole Byer

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 12:00:00 +0000

I wish I didn't like it so much....

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 02:01:00 +0000

Merry Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 01:32:00 +0000

Mmmmmmmmmmmm....

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Wed, 19 Aug 2015 15:39:00 +0000

Woke up with this song on the brain...

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 13:20:00 +0000

Going to go look up Corinne Bailey Rae now...

What's your AM jam?

Face when you find out your Twitter crush lives in your neighborhood AND....

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sun, 02 Aug 2015 16:28:00 +0000

then you walk to your local coffee spot and he is sitting up in there.

Band names inspired by Craigslist ads....

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Thu, 30 Jul 2015 04:32:00 +0000

Modern Matriarchy

part time romance

Handsome Virgin seeks Asian Woman

PANTYHOSE !

ITALIAN SEEKING EBONY

Emotional Affair

Over 40 and still hot?

Trap God seeks his Trap Queen

OLD LADY WANTED

Latina Anal Fuck Buddy

This is me when I realize I need a local train but I'm on an express...

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Wed, 29 Jul 2015 17:02:00 +0000

Love this song despite it being about a dysfunctional, dissatisfying relationship....

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Wed, 29 Jul 2015 04:30:00 +0000

Does that ever happen to you?

Social Media & Strategic Planning Officer - NO PAY

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Thu, 23 Jul 2015 14:57:00 +0000

Small but feisty NY-based Internet Startup seeks mature (over 45) woman willing to take a chance with us.Need Social Media skills & strategic planning experience.We are incorporated and will compensate with generous allocation of Stock.Have a look - this is opportunity knocking. Ideal candidate would already be employed.

Opportunity to hustle to build someone else business with the hope that the company's stock will be worth something one day. The Have a look line doesn't highlight anything about the company, other than the hope that there's a desperate loser willing to give them a shot. Ridiculous.

"Schedule more massages."

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Wed, 22 Jul 2015 15:28:00 +0000

Today's Leo horoscope via AstroStyle:

Me, myself and I—that’s your focus for the next four weeks, as the Sun moves into Leo, your first house of self and identity. Over the next month, put your own agenda first. Schedule more massages. Don’t take SOS calls, especially ones that sideline your own goals. Talk to your loved ones about where you want to be in the next year. With birthday season upon you, it’s time to do some reflecting about where you have been and especially where you are going. In which direction will you shine your leonine light?

Love it!

All I need is champagne, fried chicken and this song..

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Thu, 16 Jul 2015 05:36:00 +0000

What do you need?

Why did I think of this scene from 'Sex and the City' during yoga class?

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sun, 12 Jul 2015 04:12:00 +0000

I was sweating up a storm and the scene of Carrie attempting to let go during trapeze class popped into my brain. So random. But here's an odd coincidence. The yoga teacher's refrain in class is 'Don't forget to breathe.' It's a helpful reminder to not take the poses so seriously that we forget to take care of the basics of breathing and remaining present. Guess what's the name of the song played during Carrie's scene?

I had no idea.

There's going to be a Helvetica Cafe in the next season of @girlshbo

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 21:18:00 +0000

BUT I do not know if this dude will be in the cast or not.

When I hear this Bill Withers song, my heart pounds faster.....

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 13:20:00 +0000

...maybe I'm terrified that the song makes me so happy. Odd.

'Born To Read, Forced To Work'

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 04:49:00 +0000

This magnet sums up my summer mood. Whether it's for pleasure or profession, I am a reading fiend. Here is a list of what's occupying my brain:

Professor Henry Louis Gates' thirst to become a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences convinced me that fame is ebola. [Gawker]

If Nina Simone thought brand, we would not have had 'Mississippi Goddamn'. [The Atlantic]

If you want to know why the technology industry remains so homogenized, read this. TODAY. [Model View Culture]

"Why does your head smell like goat ass?" [Hollywood Reporter]

I don't know why 'My Love is Free' isn't on Michael Musto's 12 greatest disco songs list. [The Blot]

So what's on your reading list? Share in the comments.

-Martini Cocoa

#GoodMorning: 'Let The Devil In' TV on the Radio

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 14:47:00 +0000

Happy Independence Day!

SUNDAY ROUNDUP: Pay What You Wish for NYC Museums

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sun, 21 Jun 2015 22:19:00 +0000

Taken @ Whitney Museum, June 19, 2015

Getting lost in a museum is my idea of a good time. There is nothing better than visiting a favorite painting and discovering a new artist to soothe and heal during times of turmoil and discontent. And although I would love to pay full price to support NYC's museums, my current budget doesn't allow for such indulgences.

What's an art-loving girl to do?

Compile a Pay What You Wish list for NYC museums! This is not a definitive list so please feel free to share any that I've missed in the comments.

B

Brooklyn Museum, All the time (but if you can pay suggested admission price, please do) The Museum also has Target First Saturdays featuring free admission the first Saturday of every month from 5-11pm

Cooper Hewitt, Saturdays, 6-9pm

El Museo del Barrio, Third Saturdays and free for Seniors on Wednesdays

The Frick Collection, Sundays, 11am-1pm

Guggenheim Museum, Saturdays, 5:45-7:45pm

National Museum of The American Indian, Free
New Museum, Thursdays, 7-9pm
Suggested Price: $2
New York Historical Society, Fridays, 6-8pm

Whitney Museum, Fridays, 7-9:30pm

Happy Sunday!

Mystery Solved ---> Video Art Installation at 120 Fifth Avenue building lobby is by....

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Thu, 18 Jun 2015 14:00:00 +0000

Jenny Holzer and it is called Truisms.
Highly recommend that you check it out.

I am going to figure out the who, what, how and why of this art project, located in the lobby of 120 Fifth Avenue. Stay tuned.

How many times a day does this song fit your mood?

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Tue, 16 Jun 2015 17:30:00 +0000

Don't lie.

I'm watching #highfidelity and I gotta say....

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Mon, 15 Jun 2015 05:04:00 +0000

...the scene where brokenhearted Rob (John Cusack) bonds with brokenhearted Sarah (Lili Taylor) and they begin a relationship, on the basis loneliness, bitterness and despair made me happy.

I am SO glad I didn't have another relationship immediately after my last relationship ended.
This kind of glad:

At the time, I would have given anything to rush into a new relationship. A part of me wanted to believe that would be the best way to numb the emotional upheaval that was overwhelming my day to day of work, wine and Gilmore Girls.

Alas, I discovered that I am not one of those women that attracts depressed, desperate lonely men because I am a depressed, desperate and lonely. During that time period (December 2011-January 2014), that reality filled me with self-loathing because I couldn't even find a superficial disastrous quickie love affair. What the f*ck was wrong with me?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

I am not saying that my life problems are resolved and I am now perfection in human form, but I am saying I'm glad it happened the way it did.

Also Lisa Bonet is so bad ass in her role.

Song of the Day: "Breakfast At Tiffany's"

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sun, 14 Jun 2015 16:18:00 +0000

My backstory for the band Deep Blue Something is that they are four guys who lived in a ramshackle but large house in Austin. They had no intentions of being a band or having a hit. They got lucky with Breakfast At Tiffany's because the book is the favorite of misguided romantics everywhere and that catchy hook.

Also how sweet is it to try to build a romantic relationship on shared like of a book, movie or other cultural ephemera.

Summer Love List featuring @glcbeauty....

noreply@blogger.com (MartiniCocoa) — Sat, 13 Jun 2015 18:10:00 +0000

Although the Solstice is June 21, my brain and energy is in summer mode. I love the steamy stagnant decidedly funky stickiness. I do admit it's easy to embrace this kind of hot because I have the option of taking a shower to cool down.

And as I love the opportunity to change to a wardrobe that shows more skin (slathered in sunscreen, of course), I am super eager to change up my make-up game for the season. Life for my lips has been a super glossy affair. Buxom's Lip Polish in Victoria is a fave. The sheen, tingle, everything was rocking my world for January to May.

But Enter Gold Label Cosmetics* I am CRUSHING hard on their Zi Se liptsick because it is a beautiful matte that glides on and gives my lips a subtle pow.

Thanks to Zi Se, I am loving summer 2015 more every day.

***I have not been paid to mention any company.

Your turn! What's on your Summer Love List?