Timon and his family have more or less adopted a BBC cameraman shooting for Planet Earth Live. Don’t miss the final seconds.

[to]

Meet Stephen Andrew Hall, a Texas man and habitual drunker driver who likely will spend the rest of his life in prison after a judge sentenced him to 45 years following his fifth DWI. Hall copped to having two beers, but his BAC later was found to be .18.

“The 45-year sentence was fitting considering his prior DWI history,” said the local DA. “[The] sentence ensures that he will not be able to drive a vehicle on our roads for a very long time.”

[cbsdfw]

It’s Facebook official — and the status was rigged to post to Zuck’s timeline as soon as he rang the bell to open NASDAQ’s day of trading. BOSS.

[tnw]

Mitt Romney’s first commercial of the general election cost upwards of $1 million, and begins airing Tuesday in Ohio, Iowa, Virginia, and North Carolina.

John F. Harris, filling in for Mike Allen on Politico’s “Playbook,” makes two observations: the spot is positive (it looks like negative ads have been left for now to outside groups like Restore Our Future and Crossroads), and there is a Spanish-language version (acknowledging the effort needed to close the gap among Latino voters).

Is Romney’s first day in office everything you imagined?

[playbook]

Ominous music, racist overtones, and a black family fighting over a game of Monopoly — these 90 seconds of nonsense are the third trailer for an upcoming “documentary” about President Obama called 2016.

The film is based on New York Times bestseller The Roots of Obama’s Rage, by right-wing nutjob conservative author Dinesh D’Souza, whose credibility has been debunked again and again and again. But it’s whack-a-mole IRL.

Exhibit A: The conclusion to a widely denounced D’Souza piece published in Forbes in 2010:

[O]ur President is trapped in his father’s time machine. Incredibly, the U.S. is being ruled according to the dreams of a Luo tribesman of the 1950s. This philandering, inebriated African socialist, who raged against the world for denying him the realization of his anticolonialambitions, is now setting the nation’s agenda through the reincarnation of his dreams in his son. The son makes it happen, but he candidly admits he is only living out his father’s dream. The invisible father provides the inspiration, and the son dutifully gets the job done. America today is governed by a ghost.

No need for exhibits B and C. Whatever your feelings on Obama, he’s certainly not hell-bent on downsizing America as a demonstration of his father’s anti-colonialist beliefs.

2016 is expected to hit theaters in June.

[dineshdsouza]

And now, to stop your Friday morning dead in its tracks: Fifty Shades Of Grey, as read aloud by the biggest name in voiceovers, Gilbert Gottfried. Brillz.

(Not Safe For Work, mommy pr0n AND Gilbert F*cking Gottfried.)

[thestranger]

This little gem — which features the cast and crew of the hit Broadway musical Anything Goes dancing and lip dubbing to “What Makes You Beautiful” — should get your Friday off to a nice start.

[vvv]

In the modern urban combat zone, the only weapons you have are your wits, your instincts … and whatever firearms and explosive devices you can draw with chalk.

[aggregate]

Four-time U.S. amateur boxing champion and all-around tough guy Eric Kelly quit competitive boxing after taking a pool cue to the eye, but now he’s taken up a second career teaching out-of-shape Wall Streeters how to fight.

Or, as he puts it, “training a bunch of f*ckin’ nerds” who “want to come here and feel like men at the end of the day.”

Despite the constant put-downs, the nerds keep paying him to tell them how pathetic their uppercuts are.

(Sorta not safe for work, hilarious verbal abuse.)

[animalny]

“Big ideas” conference TED came under fire today for apparently censoring a TED talk about income inequality and tax policy by Seattle-based venture capitalist Nick Hanauer, but TED founder Chris Anderson is saying that’s not exactly what happened.

Apparently, the reason that Hanauer’s talk wasn’t posted to the TED website wasn’t because — as the speaker himself posited — “[my] arguments threaten an economic orthodoxy and political structure that many powerful people have a huge stake in defending.” It’s because it just wasn’t good enough.

Anderson:

[The censorship] story [is] so misleading [that] it would be funny […] except it successfully launched an aggressive online campaign against us. [...] [It's actually] a non-story about a talk not being chosen, because we believed we had better ones, [that] somehow got turned into a scandal about censorship. Which is like saying that if I call the New York Times and they turn down my request to publish an op-ed by me, they’re censoring me.

Ouch.

Despite not making it to the TED site, Hanauer’s talk is now online (and, judging by the audience reaction, it was actually quite well received).

[tnw]