The Bookshelf Muse

Using a Critique Checklist, or, How Not to Look Like a Twit

2013-06-19T10:08:00.000-04:00

When writers ask me for advice, the first thing I emphasize is the importance of finding a critique group or partners. These support systems are invaluable for adding the objectivity we lack and helping us see where our work needs work. They also provide an opportunity to share our knowledge with others—though many writers may struggle with this, especially when reading or hearing a more experienced author’s work.

From time to time, I have this problem—not so much with the technical stuff like grammar and typos and such, but with the big picture items. When a really talented author reads an excerpt at my face-to-face group, I might think that it’s wonderful. Astonishingly brilliant. Then someone else mentions a problem they noticed and I think, Wow, that’s totally true. How’d I miss that?

Out of a desire to a) help my fellow writers, and b) not sit there feeling like a twit, I started a list of observations that I frequently hear at critique group. Then I turned the observations into questions. Now, when I’m hearing a piece that’s so good I can’t pick out any problems, I consult my checklist. Many times, I’m able to identify a weak area from among these possibilities:

Overall Story Issues:

Is the story problem clear?
Is the voice realistic and consistent?
Does the voice sound right for the author’s target audience? (Too young? Too old?)
Does the chosen point of view (first, close third, omniscient, etc.) create the right level of intimacy or distance for the story?
Are there tantalizing questions, or is everything being explained along the way?
Has the story started in the right place?
Does the character’s situation continue to worsen, or is the author letting him off the hook and breaking tension?

Scene Issues:

What does the character want in this scene?
What’s the conflict?
Does the character’s emotion change or remain the same throughout the scene? Are the descriptions multi-sensory, or primarily visual?
Is too much information being shared? Can some of it be revealed later?
Does the scene move the story forward? (Is it necessary?)
Does the scene go on too long? Should it end earlier? Be split in two?

Pacing Issues:

Is the pace dragging anywhere?
Does a given section feel like it’s gone on for too long and should be condensed?
Is there too much narrative?
Too much telling?
Too much backstory?

Character Issues:

Is there enough character emotion?
Is the character well-rounded? Flawed?
Is the dialogue realistic?
Is the character consistent in his speech, actions, and responses to stimuli?
Does the character evoke reader empathy in some way?

The beauty of a list like this is that while it works well for critiquing others, it also works on my own writing. When critiquers admit that their attention is drifting, I look at the Scene Issues to see if any of them are to blame. If someone isn’t connecting with my character, I edit with the Character Issues in mind. And when I’m reading my own work and I get that niggly feeling that something is off, I can usually find the problem on this list.

If you think something like this might be beneficial for you, take note of the suggestions being made at your critique group or by your individual partners and jot them down. Better yet, print out this list and add to it. And please share your knowledge in the comments section by adding any of the questions that you like to ask when critiquing; I’d love to flesh out my list.

What other problems do you frequently find, in your own writing or in the pieces you critique?

Physical Traits Entry: Athletic Build

2013-06-15T04:30:00.000-04:00

Physical description of a character can be difficult to convey—too much will slow the pace or feel 'list-like', while too little will not allow readers to form a clear mental image. If a reader cannot imagine what your character looks like, they may have trouble connecting with them on a personal level, or caring about their plight.

One way to balance the showing and telling of physical description is to showcase a few details that really help 'tell the story' about who your character is and what they've been through up to this point. Think about what makes them different and interesting. Can a unique feature, clothing choice or way they carry themselves help to hint at their personality? Also, consider how they move their body. Using movement will naturally show a character's physical characteristics, keep the pace flowing and help to convey their emotions.

ATHLETIC BUILD

Descriptors: Broad shoulders and back, narrow waist, flat stomach, toned and enlarged muscles, lean frame, low body fat, well-proportioned, a ripped physique

People Likely to have an Athletic Build: professional and amateur athletes, health-conscious individuals, physical trainers, firefighters, police officers

Famous Examples:

Bruce Lee
Channing Tatum
Usain Bolt
Lolo Jones
Michael Jordan
Bo Jackson

Simile and Metaphor Help:

Andy stuffed stack after stack of pancakes into his mouth, his muscles bulging in his perfectly-proportioned body like boulders being pushed to the surface by tectonic activity. It wasn't fair, the differences between guys and girls. I picked at my fruit salad and scowled.
Muscular and scowling, she held the tennis racket like a club and hopped from foot to foot—a lion, scenting weaker prey and biding its time. I gripped my own racket to keep it from shaking and swallowed. Hard.

Clichés to Avoid: the athletic body being compared to a machine

Twists on the Stereotypical Athletic Build:

Athletic builds are almost always tanned, dark-skinned, or some other enviable shade. How about an athletic body that's a little less desirable, like pale, veined, acned, or sickly?
This body type is almost always well-proportioned according to society's standards. What about an extremely short person with an athlete's body?
Athletic bodies usually take a lot of deliberate work to get into the desired condition. A character with a naturally athletic build who doesn't have to work at it can cause for some interesting conflict among jealous or petty friends—especially if the character doesn't have the typically disciplined mindset to accompany it.

HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example: The treadmill beeped and Jess slid off, trying not to fall over. The workout had been a killer, and then the run on top of that...She wiped her face and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her muscles stood out, nearly pulsing after what she'd put them through. And by the looks of it, she'd managed to work off that cookie from yesterday. But volleyball tryouts were tomorrow, and she wasn't the only one vying for a starting spot. She tossed the towel over her shoulder and headed for the pull-up bar.

Foreign Rights Agents: Everything You Need To Know (& Why You May Want One!)

2013-06-11T07:00:00.000-04:00

Foreign Rights. Now more than ever, we're seeing translation rights buzz and increasing a book's global range. And why not? Authors work incredibly hard to create the best book they can, and language should not be a barrier to finding readers to share stories with.

Because of this, it is our pleasure to welcome Marleen Seegers, Foreign Rights Agent for 2Seas Literary (& our FR agent for The Emotion Thesaurus!) Marleen recently sold Korean rights for the ET, and I asked her if she could peel back the curtain on what a FR agent does, and the process of finding the right match. This is really valuable info, so please read on...

~ ~ * ~ ~

Give Your Book a Second Life: Get It into Foreign Markets

Tens of thousands of books are translated into another language each year. The most translated author is the Queen of Crime Agatha Christie, followed by Jules Verne and William Shakespeare who occupy respectively the second and third positions.

Looking at the global market, roughly 60% of all translations around the world are books originally written in English. It comes as no surprise, then, that only 3% of the books that are published in the US are translations—in the UK, this is even a mere 2.5%! By comparison, in Poland a smashing 46% of books published are works in translation, in Germany over 12%, in Spain around 24%, and in France about 15%.

This leads us to conclude that, particularly as an English-language author, it can be lucrative to try selling your book into foreign markets. Besides the additional income, isn’t it wonderful to show your friends and family a copy of your book in French or Korean?

Selling foreign rights is just one of the many possibilities to give your book a second life and create an extra revenue stream. Movie/theater/comic strip adaptations, audio books, and merchandising are other examples of the so-called “subsidiary” rights umbrella.

“Primary” book publishing rights include hardcover, trade paperback, mass market, and digital editions of your book in its original language.

As a foreign rights agent, I work with authors, publishers, and literary agents from all over the world to help them get their books published in foreign languages.

So what does the work of a foreign rights agent consist of?

First of all, I read—a lot. Yes, a good foreign rights seller has to LOVE reading! Even though Pierre Bayard wrote an entire book on how to talk about books you haven’t read, it’s virtually impossible to pitch a title to foreign publishers without having read (at least part of) it—which can be frustrating, as I have so many titles to read that sometimes I don’t even have the time to finish books that I’m really enjoying!

That brings us to the second stage of foreign rights sales: pitching titles! As soon as I’ve decided a title has enough potential abroad, we include it in our online catalog. We then send out a newsletter to present the title to our network of foreign publishers, literary scouts and co-agents.

You might think foreign rights sellers are rather invisible actors of the publishing scene, but let me introduce you to an even more obscure job: literary scouts. They try to discover possible bestsellers as early as possible and alert the foreign publishers they work for. This enables the latter to acquire the translation rights before everyone else knows about these titles, usually for a relatively low advance. You can find more information on scouts here. They are very important contacts for foreign rights sellers, as they can make or break a deal.

Additionally, we work with co-agents in territories other than our “specialty markets,” which are Holland, Scandinavia, Germany, France, and the English language. They are often locally based, know their specific market through and through, and handle submissions, rights inquiries, and negotiations on our behalf.

After our initial newsletter, we take the initiative to send the book and further information to those publishers who are likely to be interested in the title in question—because they have published (one of) the author’s previous titles, or the title is a great match with their catalog, or we know they are personally interested in the subject, or all of the above.

How do we know what foreign publishers like/dislike?

We’ve built relationships with them for many years, meeting with them in person during international book fairs, talking to them on the phone and via Skype. Interpersonal skills are extremely important in foreign rights sales, as personal relationships can (will!) make a real difference. Speaking another language besides English is also very helpful, as you connect more easily with the publishers of that specific language territory.

Attending international book fairs is truly indispensable, since that’s where most of the action happens! I visit two not-to-be-missed book fairs each year: the Frankfurt Book Fair which always takes place in October, and the London Book Fair in April. While I’m in Europe for these two fairs, I also like to visit publishers in Amsterdam and Paris, two of our “specialty markets.” Furthermore, I attend at least one other, more “local” book fair such as this year’s Rio de Janeiro and Gothenburg Book Fairs.

The Frankfurt and London Book Fairs can be compared to massive speed dating events: every 30 minutes I have meetings with different foreign publishers to whom I show our print catalogs and pitch specific titles. These meetings start at 9 am (sometimes even at breakfast) and last till 6 or 7 pm. In the evening I attend dinners and cocktail parties, which are great networking opportunities in a more relaxed atmosphere.

While these two fairs are the highlights of the international publishing calendar, we receive requests for titles and offers throughout the year.

When a Publisher Offers

If a foreign publisher offers for one of our titles, the first thing we do is check which other publishers in that specific country are also considering this title. Foreign rights agreements are always signed on an exclusive basis, which means we can only sign one contract with, say, a French publisher for the French translation rights in a specific title. This French publisher then owns the exclusive French rights for the duration of the agreement (between 5 and 10 years).

So it’s important to give the other French publishers who are also considering this title a chance to offer as well. We give them a deadline, usually one week to 10 days, to make a decision. If no one else offers, we start negotiating with the offering publisher.

If we receive one or several other offers, we organize an auction—that’s very exciting! We ask all offering publishers to send us their best offer, usually three or four days later. Note that “best offer” doesn’t always mean “highest offer.” Of course we take the advance they propose into account, but we also look at the other conditions like the proposed royalties, other titles and authors in their list, the publisher’s reputation, our previous experiences with them, etc. We submit the information about all the best offers to the rights holder of the book (our client), who will have the final say in which offer to accept. We do of course give our opinion!

After the Deal

Our involvement doesn’t end once a contract is signed: further activities include closely following the publication process, making sure due payments are made and complimentary copies are sent (so you can show off that French or Korean edition of your book!), and receiving and checking annual sales reports.

You get it, being a foreign rights agent is an incredibly varied job! Every day is filled with different activities and challenges, and that’s what I love about it. You make books travel and authors happy, get to travel yourself, meet interesting people from all over the world, and get to read some of the most inspiring books around!

If you want to know more about my activities, please check www.2seasagency.com and join our international community of authors and publishing professionals at http://www.facebook.com/2seasagency.

WOW, great to see how it all works! Thank you very much, Marleen. This is such great information to have on hand, and demystifies the process for all of us.

Your Turn: Do you have a Foreign Rights Agent? Have you looked into getting one? Which language would you love to see your future book translated into? Tell us in the comments!

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For more writing resources, craft tips, giveaways and news, you can sign up for our newsletter HERE. Also, don't forget to grab a free copy of the Emotion Amplifiers PDF in the sidebar, which is filled with body language ideas on how to show conditions like Pain, Stress, Addiction, Illness, Attraction, Hunger, Distraction, Inebriation etc. to make your characters more emotionally reactive!

Physical Attribute Entry: HIPS

2013-06-08T06:00:00.000-04:00


photo credit: Alex Dram via photopin cc

One way to balance the showing and telling of physical description is to showcase a few details that really help 'tell the story' about who your character is and what they've been through up to this point.

Think about what makes them different and interesting. Can a unique feature, clothing choice or way they carry themselves help to hint at their personality?

Also, consider how they move their body. Using movement will naturally show a character's physical characteristics, keep the pace flowing and help to convey their emotions.

HIPS

Descriptors: narrow, bony, full, straight, curvy, slim, thin, rounded, thick, broad, hidden, wide, small, well-rounded, generous, slender, straight, curvaceous, ample, tapered, scant, chunky, stocky, sharp, shapely, solid

Things HIPS do:

Bump: bonk, push, shove, poke, kiss, butt, slam, smack, hit, slam, check
Brush: nudge, graze, sweep, rub, caress, glance, press, stroke, touch, slide, goose
Buck: rise, lift, climb, boost, heft, hike, hoist, heave, thrust, shift, pump, tilt

Key Emotions and Related HIP Gestures:

Confidence: A cocked hip is often a sign of confidence or dominance. Thrusting the pelvis forward, or using one's hands to frame the hips by tucking one's thumbs into belt loops draws attention to one's virility and sense of command within the situation.
Contempt: A single hand on the hip with the body slightly curved around it is a strong message of contempt
Impatience: A hand on the hip (one or both) with shoulders rolling forward slightly makes the body seem bigger and more menacing, and is a stiff message of impatience.

Simile and Metaphor Help:

Tonya was as curvy as they come, the slope of her hips winding like a switchback through the mountains.

Tom pulled off his shirt and Deanne's breath caught. His body, hard and lean, begged to be touched, but it was the dual ridge lines jutting above low slung jeans that she anchored her hands to.

Clichés to Avoid:

hand on the hips--this very common gesture requires fresh writing to use it, and only if it must be used. Challenge yourself to see if there's another way to show the emotion you're going for.
shoot from the hip--an idiom for thinking on one's feet or making an educated guess

HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example:

Grandma might be short, but when she got riled up, her hips were wild things. You learned to get outta her way when she stomped across the room, sideswiping stools and toddlers alike.

BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above!

Stepping Out & 7 DEADLY WRITING SINS

2013-05-31T20:05:00.000-04:00

Hi guys! Becca and I are taking a wee blogging break while we play catch up in our lives. As some of you know, I'm moving, so every day is filled with packing and unpacking, accepting delivery for X while coordinating a pick up for Y, not to mention meeting technicians for internet, satellite, phone, security system, etc. Oh the FUN I am having. Um, yeah right. Then of course there's furniture to sell, the kids needing to finish school & study for exams, kid # 2's birthday, having a surprise house guest for a week and a friend's wedding. *pants* Oh and teaching my son to drive (he's very good, so you are all safe, I promise!)


The day we almost broke Magic Kingdom

Becca's world is packed full of crazy too, because that's just how she rolls. I am happy to report that she (barely) survived the gauntlet of school ending & the last week recitals, plays, soccer games, end of year grad ceremonies and her daughter's birthday (our oldest kids have birthdays a day apart--how cool is that? WE TOTALLY PLANNED IT THAT WAY. Okay, maybe not, but I just love that it happened anyhow.) Now she's getting ready for a trip to see family and to get her Mountain Dew addiction under control.

And of course, we are also diligently working on 2 NEW thesaurus books for you: The Trait Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide To Character Flaws & The Trait Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide To Positive Character Attributes. It is so enjoyable working on these because we think they are shaping up into great resources for character creation. We have not set a date yet (and we want to release both books together), but it will likely be August or September. Many people have contacted us, asking to be kept in the loop once these books are out, so we have a mailing list set up. If you would like to be added to it, just let us know. OR, we recommend signing up for our popular Writing Resource Newsletter, where we add status updates in each issue, along with other writerly goodies including free books. You can do that by CLICKING HERE!

Scaring small children at a Phoenix mall

Oh and a bit of news...THE EMOTION THESAURUS is being translated into KOREAN. That's right, our wonderbar Foreign Rights agent Marlene Seegers sold Korean rights for the ET. We are so excited!

All righty, so, in lieu of some jazz hands and tap dancing style entertainment while we're away from the blog, I'm leaving you some of our past posts that would sure love some LUV. (Really, they get insecure when they drop off the blog's front page. I had to talk one off the ledge just last week!)

You guys are the very best supporters and we thank you all for being so incredibly generous with your time by visiting us here.

Have a terrific week!

The 7 Deadly Sins of Novel Writing:

SIN #1: Low Stakes

SIN # 2: Counterfeit Characters

SIN # 3: Missing the Mark on Voice & POV

SIN #4: Plot Snafus

SIN #5: Flat Wordsmithing

SIN #6: Dialogue Disaster

SIN #7: Too Much Information

BONUS SIN: Disappointing The Reader

So...what's your cardinal sin? Or are you an equal-opportunity sinner? Let us know in the comments!

5 Tips To Landing That Interview

2013-05-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

I'm handing over the keys today to good friend Lisa Hall-Wilson, an award-winning journalist, passionate writer and blogger who knows the benefit of forging relationships and conducting interviews! Some of you probably know Lisa from her blog and friendly chatter online. If she's new to you, I highly recommend getting to know her on Facebook, Twitter and WANATribe!

Lisa's offering us tips on how to ask for an interview, and believe me, knowing how to approach people is important. Last year for The Emotion Thesaurus book release, I approached Industry sponsors for our Random Acts Of Kindness Blitz and managed to secure over $1500 worth of prize donations. It didn't happen because I 'knew' people, or because I was some mega celebrity *snort* or anything else. I simply knew how to ask.

So here's Lisa! Welcome, welcome!

~~ * ~~

Thanks so much for having me here!

Stephen King, in his book On Writing, talks about a writer’s toolbox. Being able to ask for and conduct a great interview is one of the most useful research tools a writer can develop. A good interview can lend veracity and authenticity to any story – non-fiction, fiction, blogs, articles, etc.

But how? How do you get the interview?

Ask!

Sounds overly simple doesn’t it? It’s really that easy. Before you ask though, know what you’re asking them to speak to, and never waste their time. Don’t ask questions they can’t speak to or you could find the answers to on Google. You need a source to give you the details, the insight, the experience, their opinions you can’t find out on your own. Please do your research. Read their website or blog if they have one, read old news clippings, watch their videos on Youtube – whatever is available. All the time I get people asking me – how do I get published? Ummm - look it up! That’s too broad a topic. You’re more likely to get a positive response by asking me to speak to a specific something I know about.

With a cold query – meaning you have no prior connection to this person, you may contact them directly through a website or email. If this person has a busy schedule, or is fairly successful in their field/art, you may need to be approved by a gatekeeper like a personal or administrative assistant, a publicist or personal manager. People with this level of success get a lot of queries and so have built in extra layers to cut down on the “noise” so they can continue to do what they do. Doesn’t mean they’re inaccessible, but it can mean extra work for you. For one celebrity interview I had to go through three publicists *head to desk* Was the interview worth it? *smiles and nods* Oh yeah. Only the most pertinent, interesting, relevant queries will make it through though so know that going in.

5 Tips To Landing That Interview

• Don’t disparage yourself. “I would love to interview you for my blog, but my blog isn’t that big. I don’t really have a lot of traffic so I would understand why you wouldn’t want to do it. But I figured there’s no harm in asking.” Stop whining. You’re not being humble, you’re making yourself easy to dismiss. You’re a writer – chin up, pen out!

• Do tell them how you can help them. Being specific about who your audience is can help. People are always looking for new opportunities to get in front of and grow their audience. Getting mentioned anywhere by an objective third party (that’s you) is publicity gold. They can’t buy that kind of public endorsement with a full-page ad. They’re aware that you have something valuable to offer, this is in your favor. If this is for a fiction novel, most professionals LOVE to talk about their work. Most professionals love the idea of helping a novelist with a story because they all hate it when a writer gets the details wrong.

• Be polite. Using threats, ultimatums, or just plain being rude will not get you very far. An interview source wants assurances that you’re going to do this with integrity. They’re not interested in being miss-quoted, or disparaged publicly. Put your best professional foot forward.

• Be persistent. Be Creative. Aim high, but be realistic. I’m much more likely to get an interview from a local cop than I am the chief of police. I once did a tour of the local fire hall for a novel I was working on. It was the only way I could think of to talk to a firefighter. So, I spent an hour following this guy around, slipping in questions about specific scenes from my novel. Then the Chief walks out. “You still on that tour?” He comes over and the next thing I know every firefighter on duty is standing in the truck bay swapping war stories so the writer ‘can get it right.’ That was pure chance, but writer gold!

• Ask them to recommend another source. On a cold query, I often include a line something to the effect – If you’re unable to help me on this (note – I’m not disparaging myself) can you suggest someone, or would you forward this email to someone who may be able to help. I had an interview request make it all the way to Parliament Hill (that’s Ottawa for those outside of Canada). It’s the whole idea of six degrees of separation. Everyone knows someone further up the chain. People are often very willing to help if you’re polite and professional.

Have you asked for an interview? What’s the hardest part about doing an interview? Do you have a funny interview story?

Lisa Hall-Wilson is an award-winning freelance writer for the faith-based market specializing in interviews, profiles, social justice initiatives, Facebook administration, press releases, print and web marketing copy. She writes dark fantasy novels, blogs Through The Fire, and is a social media instructor for WANA International. She's interviewed best-selling authors, JUNO-winning musicians, comedians, drug addicts, former prostitutes, police officers, firefighters, pastors, and people with a great story to tell.

Lisa’s latest online course for writers How To Get Them Talking: Learn To Interview Like A Journalist through WANA Intl is on June 20. Just click the link to find out more!

Physical Attributes Entry: Back

2013-05-25T04:00:00.000-04:00

BACK

Flickr: Creative Commons, Yuliya Libkina

Descriptors: wide, broad, muscular, bony, athletic, angular, stooped, slumped, curved, crooked, straight, hairy, strong, humped, tattooed

Key Emotions and How the Back is Involved:

Backs aren't noticed very much because they're always...well, in the back. But as a key part of the body, the back/spine is involved in many emotional responses. It will slump when a person feels sad, disappointed, or embarrassed. Alternatively, it straightens to show pride, confidence, defensiveness, or anger. Surprise or fear can cause the back to stiffen or freeze.

Simile and Metaphor Help:

She had a swimmer's back, broad enough to carry her own troubles and a few other's besides.
I hugged him tight and tried not to gasp. His back felt like a topographical map, the vertebrae a mountain range I could scale with my fingers.

Clichés to Avoid: a shiver running up the spine; a crooked spine that curves like an "s"; a ramrod straight spine

HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example: Miriam was stooped over almost double, eyes on the ground, her slippered feet feeling their way along the driveway. Getting from the front door to the mailbox was a real journey these days, and it made her back ache something awful. The new mailgirl had offered to bring Miriam's things to the porch, but...She smacked her lips and jabbed the concrete with her walking stick. If she couldn't make it to the mailbox and get her own bills, she might as well start picking out coffins.

BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above!

*****

AND...A NEWSFLASH!

Angela and I are THRILLED to announce that we've signed with a foreign rights agent! Marleen Seegers of 2 Seas Agency will be representing The Emotion Thesaurus internationally. We're super-excited to be working with Marleen, who has many years of international publishing experience and has been a joy to work with. Since we signed with her on Monday, Marleen has already received some interest from Korea, so we couldn't be happier!

Turning Story Opening Don'ts Into Do's

2013-05-24T07:00:00.000-04:00

Today I'm super happy to have author & friend Lisa Gail Green in for a visit. Lisa is the author of The Binding Stone (The Djinn Series). She's looking at problem story openings and offering ideas on how to make these work, so please read on!

~ * ~

We’ve all heard the tips on what NOT to do in an opening. But I can boil it down to one key word for what you DO want.

Balance.

That’s right. Let’s take a closer look so I can explain.

What NOT to do:

• Start in the middle of a huge action sequence. Why not? Two questions:
Where do you go from there? And why should I care?

• Start with paragraphs of lovely description. ZZZZZZZZZ. I want to meet your character and know what their problem is!

• Start with waking up or a dream. I don’t know why – maybe because that seems like a natural place to start if we don’t know the real start – but everyone does it.

• Exposition. Back story is a tool you’re using as an author to get your head on straight. But you have to find a way to tell the story that’s happening in your book, not the one that happened to get there. Again, I want to know who your character is and what their problem is.

Now. Insert some balance and let’s see what happens.

ACTION: If you want to start with action, you’re probably a plot type person. Go ahead! You do need to SHOW your MC in an interesting situation (notice I didn’t say dangerous, just interesting) where their own personality shines through. Thus the balance. Pick something that showcases their unique voice. Show them doing something that’s different than what most others would do in the same situation.

DESCRIPTION: If you like description, chances are you are a world builder. That’s awesome! But make sure to show your world through your MC’s eyes and use it to highlight whatever is going on. Again, deliver description by filtering it through the character's eyes, showing the world as they see it, not how others might.

WAKING & DREAMING: If you start with waking up, ask: must I? The truth is I HAVE. In my short story, BLACKOUT, for example I DO start with my MC waking up (naked in the backyard with ravens circling above and a creepy neighbor next door.) In other words, it’s okay to break rules, but only if you understand why they’re there in the first place and have a good reason. My reason? I wanted to show that her actions set her apart from what other people might do the same scenario.

EXPOSITION: Now that’s tough. You have know whether it’s absolutely necessary. It certainly doesn’t belong in the beginning though. The start should indicate who your character is and at least hint at what issue they will face. Right now. In THIS story. Whatever they are doing or thinking, it should be unique and relevant to the here and now.

Balance is the key to a great book and a great beginning. World, plot, and character should combine to immerse the reader right away and make them care. What’s one way to do that? Say it with me… Show the MC doing something or thinking something that’s different than what most people would do in the same situation!

~ * ~

And now I get to show off Lisa's wonderful book cover and blurb:

Tricked into slavery by the man she loved, the Djinni Leela has an eternity to regret her choices.

Awakened in the prison of her adolescent body, she finds a new master in possession of the opal that binds her. But seventeen-year-old Jered is unlike any she’s seen. His kindness makes Leela yearn to trust again, to allow herself a glimmer of hope.

Could Jered be strong enough to free her from the curse of the Binding Stone?

Sounds pretty awesome, doesn't it? I love the gender swap on the traditional Genie story. If you like, you can add this book to your Goodreads List, of find out more on this series by visiting Lisa on Facebook, Twitter or her home stomping grounds, Paranormal Point Of View! Oh, AND I just grabbed this book myself. It's on sale today: .99 cents at Amazon.

Death by Comparison

2013-05-22T06:00:00.000-04:00

I’m kind of a classic rock ~~geek~~ aficionado, so one of my favorite shows is VH1’s Behind The Music. I think I’ve seen every episode. I remember one a long time ago about Dokken—which may prompt many of you to say Who? I love Dokken. They figure largely into my playlist. Musically, I think they had more to offer than the typical hair band, but they failed to capitalize on that strength. Lead singer Don Dokken claims it’s because they were always comparing themselves to the bigger bands and trying to recreate those successes. Case in point: if Mötley Crüe went through two boxes of Aqua Net a week, then Dokken clearly couldn’t be successful with only one. (Personally, if I was trying to compete with Crüe, I’d be less concerned with hair spray and more worried about Tommy Lee’s revolving drum set. But that’s just me.)

Dokken was so focused on emulating the successful bands that they lost sight of their own individuality and the strengths that could have set them apart. As a result, when I say Dokken you say Who? They actually did pretty well in the 80s but fell short of what they potentially could have become.

And this made me wonder: how many writers also fall short of their dreams because they’re stuck in the comparison trap?

Personally, I struggle with this. I see that Nora Roberts is releasing FIVE new novels in 2013 and, after retrieving my jaw from the floor, I get a little bummed because I know I’ll never be that prolific. When Kristen Lamb’s blog posts pop into my inbox five days a week, I find myself wishing I could come up with such practical content day after day. Closer to home, there’s my über-talented co-blogger and co-author, Angela Ackerman—the Obi Wan to my Luke. I’m constantly blown away by the marketing plans she comes up with. Her brain is like Hermione’s magically-expanding purse, popping out one brilliant idea after another.

Studying our writing mentors and learning from them is healthy and smart and generally a good idea. But that’s not what’s happening with the wistful comparisons mentioned above. Thoughts like these are based in negativity, focusing on what we can’t do rather than on what we can. They make us feel badly about ourselves, which decreases creativity and efficiency and actually increases our chances of failure.

So how do we admire the greats without getting sucked into the comparison trap?

Know your strengths. My husband is one of those people whose positive traits are kind of glaring. They’re just very obvious. I’m not like that; my strengths are quieter. After a number of years of
marriage, I kind of lost track of what I contributed, what I was good at. So I made a list. I wrote down all of my strengths—as a mom, a writer, a person, everything. Then I asked people who knew me to add to it. The list has changed somewhat over the years, with the move from teaching to writing, and now that I’m a mom. But I refer to my list often. Not only does it make me feel good about myself, but it reminds me of who I am. As a writer, it keeps me focused on the positive instead of the negative.

Capitalize on your strengths. Once you know where you’re strong, focus your time and energy on those areas. This sounds counterintuitive, I know. I mean, shouldn’t we focus on our areas of weakness, since this is where we need to improve? I don’t think so. Yes, we absolutely need to work on our weaknesses, but we should spend as much time, if not more, focusing on our strengths. Why? Because we’re passionate about them. We’re most productive when doing them. We excel because of them. Here’s a personal example: I’m not so great at social networking. While I have plans to improve in this area, I’m not going to focus the majority of my time there because I’m never going to be great at it. Instead, I’m focusing on writing. When it comes to craft, I’m pretty solid, but my storytelling needs work. Since this is part of writing well, I’m excited to learn and grow in this area. As I improve, I’ll become more proficient, more efficient, more prolific. And it won’t be this huge struggle that comes from focusing on something I hate to do and I’m not any good at.

Be realistic. I can’t churn out a flawless novel every six months. I can’t put in the hour-a-day social networking effort it would take to crank up my online presence. Some authors can easily achieve these goals, but not me. That’s why we call them personal goals. Don’t look at what other people are doing and assume that success must be achieved by following the same formula. Make goals that work for you, according to your daily schedule, your time constraints, your strengths and desires. Set reasonable goals for yourself and when you reach them, be proud of your accomplishments, knowing you’ve done as much as you can with the time and the talents you’ve been given.

Comparisons can be helpful as a means of seeing new possibilities, but very quickly they become counter-productive. Don’t chase the Crües of the writing world. Acknowledge your weaknesses and embrace your strengths. Utilize your unique combination of talents to achieve your own brand of success, and you’ll get there eventually.

HEADS UP! If you liked Angela's post on Cultivating Reader Interest through Unexpected Emotion from her recent Donald Maass Workshop, she's sharing another lesson learned over at Rebekah Grow's blog. This one's on Introspection & The Character's Black Moment. Just follow the link!

Physical Attribute Entry: Chest

2013-05-17T06:30:00.000-04:00

CHEST AREA

photo credit: lta362 via photopin cc

Descriptors:

MEN (CHEST): brawny, smooth, hairy, firm, curly, broad, narrow, warm, sculpted, hard, strong, well-defined, chiseled, toned, pecs, pectorals, heavy, sagging, deep, flabby, bumpy, thick, skinny, bony, concave, sweaty, gleaming, solid, muscular, lean, tanned, tattooed, scrawny, athletic, spindly, thin, bulging, scarred, nipples, nips, narrow, defined, pale, taut, hardened

WOMEN (BREASTS): busty, big-chested, full, flat, sagging, well-endowed, buxom, busty, stacked, built, curvy or curvaceous, heavy, slopes, rounded, shapely, petite, cleavage, tanned, voluptuous, bouncing, jiggling, small-breasted, peaks, mountains, mounds, valley cleavage, soft, silky, smooth, alabaster, tanned, bronzed, droopy, low, high, perky, pillows, overflowing, straining, ample, thin, boobs, ta-tas

Things Breasts/Chests Do:

Thrust: chests and breasts are a sexual area that is closely tied into a person's self esteem and instinctive, primal response. Baring a chest or thrusting it out is either a sexual display, an action to show strength and confidence, and (especially in males) a way to show aggression if feeling threatened.
Feed: This one's just for the ladies of course, but breast feeding is the function of breasts.

Key Emotions:

Desire: Touching and caressing the chest or breasts between compatible, romantic pairs is a way to show affection and amp up sexual desire. Women and men find this attribute an attractive feature in others that match their sexual preferences, and even if one is in a committed relationship with someone else, looking (without being creepy or pervy about it) and appreciating this attribute is healthy and normal.
Surprise/Shock: If a person is surprised, it is normal for their hand to fly to their chest in automatic response.
Confidence/Pride: Both women and men thrust their chests out slightly when feeling energized by confidence or pride.
Anger/Rage/Hatred: These negative emotions bring out the 'Fight' in fight or flight, and the instinctive response is to make oneself look bigger and more imposing. Both men and women will thrust out their chests when threatened.

Simile and Metaphor Help:

Linda gasped, her breasts lifting up in her tube top like oranges ready to spill from a fruit basket.

Alex's chest was hard and lean, muscular without being overdone. I ran my hands over the plains of his skin, my light touch a wind brushing the Sahara.

Clichés to Avoid:

describing a woman's breasts as beach balls, balloons, etc.
breasts that 'heave'
A chest that is 'as hard as a rock'

BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above!

Donald Maass Wisdom: Cultivate Reader Interest Through Unexpected Emotions

2013-05-15T06:30:00.000-04:00

Recently I was at a workshop with Donald Maass and the topic of Emotional Writing came up. As you can imagine, I immediately perked up and my fingers became cyclones over the keyboard of my iPad, taking notes.

photo credit: Send me adrift. via photopin cc

The gist of it was this: the most powerful stories have emotional writing, the kind where we dig deep into our own feelings and then put them on the page. Donald encouraged us to move past ‘expected’ character emotions and try for something deeper, more primal. Something unexpected.

We were to take a scene from our book, list the primary emotion our character was feeling, and then change it to something they would never dare to voice or show, but felt none-the-less.

I chose a scene from my Upper MG WIP, Wrath of a God. The Egyptian God Osiris, newly resurrected and clothed as a simple human storekeeper, shows up at the protagonist’s house as a surprise dinner guest. The goal is to intimidate my hero, Brett, and convince him to stop fighting Osiris as he attempts to gain control over everyone in the town. The two of them are speaking outside, away from Brett’s mother who doesn’t know who Osiris really is. Brett is full of anger and frustration because deep down, he knows he’s powerless to stop the God.

But a deeper emotion, something unexpected? What might he also feel? I decided to try DESIRE.

Donald then told us to then duct tape our protagonist, and show that emotion non-verbally (talk about right up my alley!) Want to see what I came up with? (WARNING: It’s not exceptionally written--just a two minute free write!)

A glow came off of Osiris, a hue that had nothing to do with the sun setting. It was something that came from inside the god...a sureness, a confidence. He was powerful, close to having it all. Brett imagined that for a moment, imagined the feeling of control, the ability to wipe the slate clean. To heal his mother, to heal the town.

His chest expanded and he straightened with the need to have what Osiris had, to shape the world with power. But as he stared at the god, the shadows clutching the sharp angles of his face stood out in dark contrast. Power corrupted. Power consumed. If Brett had it, would he do good? Or would he become like Osiris, and only want more? A deep pain spread in his chest and he reached up, kneading it with his palm. This was wrong. How could he feel this, want this?

I love what I came up with, because it’s so much deeper than the original emotions of anger and frustration. By honing in on Brett’s desire, I show how he craves what he doesn’t have (power & control), and then the shame he feels at wanting to be like the antagonist.

Donald then challenged us to find 20 more scenes and do this very same thing. And you know what? I plan to. (Oh and that little book on the right? Click on it. You want to own it, trust me--it's fabulous!)

How about you? Have you ever used an unexpected emotional reaction to deepen your character to readers? Let me know in the comments!

Using Nonverbal Communication to Wow Readers WEBINAR

2013-05-13T15:01:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone!

I just wanted to post a reminder about our webinar TODAY at WANA International. This is a great opportunity to talk show about one of the biggest problems writers face: showing character emotion.

Here's more info below, along with the REGISTRATION LINK. Hope to see you there!

Using Nonverbal Communication to Wow Readers

Instructors: Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi
Email: jaddpublishing@gmail.com
Date: May 14th, 2013, 8:00 pm - 9:30 pm EST

Description: Readers read to have an emotional experience, to feel what’s happening on the page. With the vast competition in publishing today, it’s more important than ever for authors to hook readers through strong emotional connections. One of the best ways to make this happen is by clearly conveying the character’s emotion through a variety of techniques.

This 90-minute course will teach you the effectiveness of showing (rather than telling) your character’s emotion. You will learn how to build reader empathy by showing emotion through dialogue, thoughts, body language, and visceral reactions. Also covered are common problem areas, such as melodrama and clichés, and how to avoid them.

Special Notes: This course for writers of all genres will include a presentation and Q&A session. Each attendee will also receive a PDF version of The Emotion Thesaurus: A Guide to Character Expression, to aid them in their writing efforts. If the attendee already has this resource, they can have their copy gifted to a friend!

There are loads of great classes at WANA International, so feel free to swing by and have a look!

Physical Attributes Entry: Butts

2013-05-11T03:30:00.000-04:00

BUTTS

Descriptors: round, flat, huge, tiny, muscular, fat, bony, lumpy, curvy, cute, hard, tight, dimpled, hairy, pimpled, smooth, fleshy, jiggly, bouncy, firm, doughy

Synonyms: rump, bottom, rear end, ass, backside, trunk, bum, derriére, fanny, gluteous maximus, posterior, tush, buttocks, cheeks, tail, keister, behind, hiney, caboose, arse

Famous References from Pop Culture:

Kim Kardashian
Baby Got Back (Sir Mix-a-Lot)
Beyoncé
Jennifer Lopez

Simile and Metaphor Help:

He was a definite hard body. I'm pretty sure if I flicked his ass, it would ring like a bell.
I swung my legs out of bed and stifled a shriek. Gingerly, I poked at the wooden slabs that used to be my glutes. Must've overdone it with the lunges yesterday.

Clichés to Avoid: smooth as a baby's bottom; butts so big you could show a movie on them; doing a job half-assed; rigid or stuck-up people described as having a pole up their ass

HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example: I sat carefully on the plastic chair. It creaked but held my weight as my rear end oozed over the sides like batter in a waffle iron. Someone groaned behind me. Then a snicker. I opened my history book and pretended to read.

BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above!

And here's one for all of us who were alive in the 80s:

Hiding Emotions: Just Act Normal

2013-05-08T03:30:00.000-04:00

As humans, we value honesty and strive to be as truthful as we can as often as we can. But in truth, protection is also important to our species, and many times it trumps honesty. To protect ourselves, everyone periodically resorts to deception—to avoid consequences, to get what we want, to keep from hurting ourselves or others.

One of the most common deceptions I see has to do with our emotions. We mislead others to think we’re feeling one way when we’re really feeling something else. Why? To avoid questions we don’t want to answer, to deny our true feelings and avoid having to face them, to save face in front of others, to keep a secret...the possibilities are endless.

Whatever the motivation, we hide our emotions all the time. And this means that our characters should, too. As authors, we need to know how to show this evasiveness in regards to what our characters are feeling.

*The Head-in-Sand technique. Effective, but...not ideal*

One of the most common methods for hiding one’s emotions is the Just Act Normal technique. This is when a character disguises their internal feelings by acting like everything’s fine. This is tough to write, because you’ve essentially got to show two things at once. Here’s a good example of this technique from The Outlaws of Sherwood, by Robin McKinley:

“A wrestler should be a little slippery.” Little John handed Cecily the pot of tallow.
She took it from him daintily, her fingertips not touching his hand, and began to use the palms of her hands, rubbing the long round muscles in a circular motion, using the heels of her hands around the shoulder blades, running the edge of her palm down the spine. She was not so young that she did not know what was happening to her: why her heart was beating too fast, why her breath came hard. She knew, and tried to pretend she was Little John’s sister, and failed.
“That should do,” she said, after a few of the simultaneously longest and shortest minutes of her life. She absent-mindedly went to rub her sticky hands down the front of her bright new tunic when there was an exclamation from her companion and her arms were nearly jerked out of their sockets as Little John grabbed her wrists.
“Not on the tunic! Have you no sense?”
He rubbed each of her hands down each of his forearms and she closed her eyes and thought about fraternal relationships.
Little John said, “Here—are you all right? I am sorry, did I hurt you?”
“Not nearly as much as all the bruises from my quarterstaff lessons, my friend,” she said with a fair imitation of her usual tone.

This exchange clearly shows Cecily’s true emotion (desire) and her attempt to act normal. Her desire is shown through a number of indicators: in the detailed way that she completes the simple act of applying tallow to Little John’s skin; through her thoughts, which are private and safe; by evading his are you all right question; and through her internal cues, which are also safe. All of these clues—none of which Little John can see—indicate how she really feels. In contrast, her words remain nonchalant, showing him what she wants to convey: normalcy.

When hiding an emotion, it’s easier to lie with our words than with our bodies. This is why we turn away when we don’t want people to see what we’re feeling—to give us time to get our bodies under control while we’re saying, “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” So when your character needs to hide, try this formula:

Show the true emotion through vehicles that are difficult for others to notice, like internal physical cues and thoughts. Use details, words, and comparisons that indicate whatever emotion your character is truly feeling. Show the false emotion through dialogue and forced body cues that are meant to deceive others: controlling one's tone of voice, rearranging one’s facial expression, trying to mimic “normal” gestures, etc.

image courtesy of Lisa Hall-Wilson

Emotions are multi-faceted and tricky, but we’ve got to learn to write them clearly if we want to create believable, empathetic characters. To help with conveying emotion effectively, Angela and I are teaching a WANA course next week on Using Nonverbal Communication to Wow Readers. It’s a 90-minute course that you can take from the comfort of your own home, in your pajamas, with the fruity beverage of your choice. So if you’re looking for ways to beef up your character’s emotions, you can register by clicking the link above. We’d love to see you there!

*photo credit: Jenny Rollo @ stock.xchange

A Short Anecdote, and How to Build Reader Empathy Early On in your Story

2013-05-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

Hey there, people!

We all know that Angela recently took a once-in-a-lifetime vacation to Asia. This has made me just a teensy bit jealous. But I'm comforted by the fact that I'll be riding the Small World ride today, which technically means I'll be visiting, like, 40 countries. IN ONE DAY. Quite a feat, but anything's possible at the most magical place on Earth. And since Angela had some interesting info to share from her trip, I thought I'd share an "international" story of my own.

Before the Incident

A few years ago on a trip to Disney, we waited twenty minutes in the Small World line, boarded our boat, and had just started the ride when my recently-potty-trained daughter uttered those four words no mother on a Disney ride wants to hear: "I have to pee."

I spent the first ten minutes of the ride trying to distract her from the growing pressure in her bladder, but we all know how futile this is. Then she said something even more terrifying. "I have to poo."

It was at that point that my daughter and I abandoned our boat and took a quick trip through Mexico to the nearest Salida de Emergencia. You know the signs they put on those doors that say Alarm Will Sound? They lie. No alarm went off. What DOES happen (as I found out later from my husband, who was stuck in the boat with my son) is they stop the ride for approximately fifteen minutes until they can be sure that it was just a mom and child exiting the ride and not someone carrying explosives of the less stinky kind. I'm not sure who hated me more at that moment, the Disney employees required to follow protocol for this eventuality, or the people stuck in the boats while It's a world of laughter, a world of tears played on, and on, and on...

Cute giraffes, or hidden camera receptacles?

I'm a little worried to return to Small World. I'm afraid our pictures might be posted on WANTED signs in 47 different languages. We shall see. Either way, the Disney machine seems to have been prophetic with its marketing slogan for the year, which is posted on signs all over the park: Let the Memories Begin!

Hopefully, today's trip will be less memorable. In the meantime, the lovely people over at the Helium.com blog (who should in no way be associated with any part of the aforementioned anecdote) have agreed to host me. I'll be sharing some thoughts on how to create reader empathy early on in your story, and the Helium blog as a whole has a lot of helpful info to offer. If you've got time, please stop by and say Hola.

A Big Thank You & Today's Physical Attributes Entry

2013-04-27T06:00:00.000-04:00

Before I get into today's thesaurus entry, Becca and I want to give out a big shout out to Kristin Lenz at YA Fusion. She wrote a review of The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide To Character Expression, and it was accepted into the SCBWI Bulletin! (I know--how amazing, right?)

Thank you, Kristin!

We are ever so grateful to her for being a champion of our book and seeking out this magazine to place her review! I recently posted on The Importance of Reviews, and her kindness will result in even more writers discovering our resource, so we are just blown over by this.

Unfortunately, the Bulletin credited the review to another author, and while they are going to change it for the digital copy I believe, the print copy is too late to change. I feel bad because it's very thorough and well done, and she deserves to have her name on it, so PLEASE HELP US in thanking her by stopping in at YA Fusion blog and say hello! They are a great group over there, with inspiring and helpful content for all writers.

***

Bradley Cooper (you are welcome, Ladies!)

FACIAL HAIR

Descriptors: groomed, clean, trimmed, wiry, patchy, sleek, oiled, bristle, stubble, scruffy, scraggly, neat, shaped, bushy, narrow, thin, thick, curly, long, short, smudge, shadow, kinky, dark, salty, wild, bearded, mustache, muttonchops, goatee, sideburns, beards, whiskers

Here's a list of different styles of facial hair!

Things Facial Hair Do:

Tickle: in close contact, facial hair can feel ticklish!
Rub: facial hair can also be unpleasant--rubbing, scratching and aggravating sensitive skin.
Itch: facial hair can be quite itchy for the owner, especially in hot or humid climates. Some men grow beards during the cold months and shave during the summer.

Key Emotions and How Related Facial Hair Relates:

Adoration & Love: Some find facial hair extremely attractive, and like a man who can grow a good beard or mustache. Stubble is a trend that has gain a lot of traction. However, with that growth comes some sensibility and good grooming expectations. Gone are the days of waxed and curled mustaches, and no one likes to see one's lunch hangout out of one's beard.
Pride & Satisfaction: Many men see growing facial hair as a sign of manliness. The thickness of one's beard, or the overall even stubble is a source of pride among males. Men like to touch, pull, tweak, rub, stroke and smooth their facial hair.
Embarrassment: Most women are not fans of facial hair on themselves, and they will eradicate any facial hair that is not invisible against one's completion by tweezing, waxing or shaving. Men who feel unsuccessful at growing hair (when it comes in it's patchy, uneven or just not flattering to one's facial structure) simply choose to shave.

Simile and Metaphor Help:

Johnny always takes things too far. Growing a Movember mustache in November to support Cancer Awareness is one thing, but now it's April, and robins are ready to settle in to raise a family.
When my nephew Rick asked what I thought of his 'mustache' I didn't have the heart to tell him it looked like whiskers on a hairless cat.

Clichés to Avoid: Five o'clock shadow (it's been done to death); the Pornstashe, comparing a beard to Santa's beard or a biker's beard; the handlebar mustache; calling a 'stache or beard a soup strainer

HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example:

Mom strutted past the security checkpoint, her perfectly made up face surly and grim. As soon as she reached us, she began complaining in Italian about the flight--the food was cold, the seat too small, someone had gas and the man next to her grumbled every time she got up to use the washroom. As she blamed us for picking the flight, railing on how the air conditioning ruined her freshly cut hairdo, I took the greatest satisfaction in the wiry tangle of white sprouting out of a mole on her chin. Mom, always immaculately dressed, always primped and perfect...missed a spot.

BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above!

Bradley Cooper photo credit: david_shankbone via photopin cc

Emotional Tension: Make It A Jagged Climb

2013-04-24T09:43:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone--happy Wednesday!

I'm over at Kobo Writing Life today talking about how to successfully build tension through escalating emotions (while steering clear of two common traps: melodrama and emotional plateaus.)

Stop on in if you have the chance? I'd love to see you there!

Here's the link:

Emotions That Escalate: How To Build Tension Successfully

Book Reviews Matter: Thank You For Taking The Time

2013-04-22T14:13:00.000-04:00

Before I became an author, I didn't think too much about reviews or their impact. If I came across a book that really moved me I might write a review, but more likely I would go the word of mouth route, telling others in emails, blog comments, and social media what I was reading and how I liked it. Sometimes, I would drop the author a note to tell them how much I enjoyed the read.

After becoming an author, I found myself all too often staring at Amazon and Goodreads pages hoping for a review. At first, it was about seeing if people understood how The Emotion Thesaurus could be used, and finding out if it helped them as we hoped it would. After all, not everyone knows about this blog, and so for many, seeing the ET in book form was their first exposure to the idea of an Emotion Thesaurus. We wanted to make sure readers understood our intent for it to be used as a brainstorming tool for describing their character's emotions, not a shortcut for cutting and pasting body language (unless it was for place-holding purposes).

photo: Adikos via photopin cc

It didn't take long though for me to understand that in a sea of books, especially on a site like Amazon, reviews were the difference between someone taking a casual look (because maybe the title or cover caught their eye,) and actually sticking around (because someone was enthusiastically recommending the book.) I suddenly saw just how important reviews are for discoverability: they draw attention because no one wants to waste time or money. Visitors need to decide if the price is worth the investment before they hit "buy."

The first reviews can be the most important, as they seemed to gather the most 'likes.' They float to the top, remaining visible, and so visitors would see that many people agreed with the review by liking it. Becca and I were lucky to get some great 5 star reviews at the start, and so it hopefully encouraged others to try out the book.

Reviews also help by enticing visitors to put the book on their 'wish list' as a way to keep track of it. This puts the book on Amazon's radar for their top 100 "Most Wished For" and "Gift Ideas" lists. Suddenly a book becomes discoverable in a new way--friends and family looking to buy books at Christmas or for a birthday can just check out what other people are pining for in a particular genre or category.

Amazon Reviews are the starting point for a giant promotional wheel. Reviews lead to sales, which lead to 'customers who bought X also bought' matches, which leads to more visibility and sales, 'adds' on individual wish lists, and finally, Amazon promotional emails to customers pairing your book with others like it. This of course leads to more sales, more reviews and more visibility! All because a person who read your book took the time to review.

So why the discussion on reviews you ask? Yesterday, The Emotion Thesaurus received its 200th 5 star review on Amazon, and so Becca and I are taking this opportunity to send you all a big THANK YOU for all your reviews, emails and feedback on this book. We appreciate all your support of us here and elsewhere! We also want to encourage you to get out there and write a review or two. It really does make a huge difference, and the author will appreciate it.:)

Do you review books? Can you squeeze in some time today to write one? I plan to, and I hope you will as well!

ONE MORE THING...WANA LEARN?

Becca and I have set a date for our next webinar on SHOWING CHARACTER EMOTION. Using Nonverbal Communication to Wow Readers and being held on MAY 14th at 8:00 PM Eastern, and you can join us from the comfort of your own home! Registration is open and our last webinar on this topic sold out, so if you're interested, please have a look. :) The webinar lasts 90 minutes, and each registrant will be given a PDF copy of The Emotion Thesaurus for their own use or to gift to a friend. Feel free to contact us with any questions you might have, and we hope to see you there!

Physical Attributes Entry: Neck

2013-04-20T03:00:00.000-04:00

NECK

c/o Stoneraven @ Stock.xchange

Descriptors: thick, squat, fat, long, skinny, wrinkly, flabby, short, weak, stiff, tight, sore, tense, graceful, elegant

Things Necks Do (and other words/phrases to describe those actions):

Turn: bend, come around, pivot, roll, rotate, swivel, twist, swing, jerk
Stretch: roll, extend, crane, lengthen, pull

Key Emotions and Related Neck Gestures:

When a person is feeling anxious or tense, the neck will tighten, with the skin stretching taut and the tendons standing out. People will often roll, stretch, or massage the neck in an effort to relieve stress.
At the onset of embarrassment, a flush will usually start at the neck and creek upward into the face, giving a hot and prickling sensation.
Strong emotion, such as fear or anger, can tighten the body's muscles, making the neck feel sore and stiff. Prolonged stress can lead to muscle pain in the neck, headaches, and migraines.

Simile and Metaphor Help:

The day after the accident, my neck felt like one fused bone instead of a series of small hinged ones.
I stretched my arms, trying to find space in the sleeves. Why hadn't I tried on this antique days ago, before it was too late? I could feel Mom's glare while the pastor droned on, but I couldn't turn my head to look at her; one move, and the tourniquet collar would cut off circulation and that would be it. Death by polyester.

Clichés to Avoid: necks thick as tree trunks; comparing short-necked people to frogs; referring to stubborn people as stiff-necked; long necks compared to a giraffe's or swan's

HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example: Ana towered over the other girls on the soccer field, which in other circumstances might've been a good thing. But out here, while everyone else was muscular and solid, she was gangly, with scrawny limbs and a flower-stalk neck. Why did PE have to be required?

BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above!

Honey, I'm Home: Angela & Her Trip To Asia

2013-04-15T06:30:00.000-04:00

So, last week I returned from a 17 day trip through Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. I know, many of you probably didn't even know I was gone, because I don't usually say much when I go on a trip. Paranoid or not, I feel like it's a big welcome sign to Internet creepers saying, "Swing on by! I'm not home!" Besides, Becca was here through it all, keeping the cogs greased and the posts posting. I am so lucky to have her for a blog partner/friend/mentor/co-author/occasional psychiatrist!

The trip was, in a word, fabulous. We went with a group and tour guide through G Adventures, and saw a ton in our 17 days. The only bummer was that right as we were leaving Vietnam to go to Cambodia, out camera's memory card died on us. Our whole time in Vietnam was on that card!

We have taken it to a data guru, hoping he can rescue our pictures. Luckily my son had his camera as well, so at least we have something to fall back on if the card is nuked (and I have some pictures to show you!). I'm sure I can ask for pictures from other people in the group, too. Still, I am praying we'll get our own pictures back!

When we arrived at Hanoi, I thought I was going to die. Seriously. The traffic was insane. Imagine if you will, if every car you see during rush hour was replaced by 50 scooters. Oh, and all of them beep their horns constantly. Then, think about what it would be like if there were no stop signs, no lights, no right of way--if every direction of traffic all went at the same time. Now, imagine that you, Joe Pedestrian, must cross these streets to get around.

Crossing the street. No one stops--they just drive around you!

Amazingly, I didn't die in some spectacular scooter vs crazy tourist accident. In fact, I actually got pretty adept at crossing the street, and knowing that the cars and buses and scooters would just whizz around me.

Of course, the .25 cent beer and social nature of the Vietnamese helped ease my nerves a bit! It's quite incredible. Every night the streets transform as people drag out hundreds of low stools, claim a piece of sidewalk, and roll out a keg of freshly brewed beer. Vendors are everywhere, serving all kinds of local street food. DELISH.

Ha Long Bay was incredible--all these misty mounds jutting out of the sea like a host of mossed-over grave markers. We slept overnight on a Junk boat, did some hiking, waved at fisherman and children at the floating villages (you can see one in the picture--some of these villages had schools, grocery stores and banks!) and explored some cave systems.

It was very eerie floating along in our boat, surrounded by these giant limestone rocks. Ha Long Bay is one of the new 7 Wonders of Nature.

Thien Mu Pagoda

After we got back on the mainland, we took a rickety sleeper train to Hue (Hway) which was an adventure in itself, one that taught me one very important acronym for travel in Asia: ACTP (Always Carry Toilet Paper!)

In Hue, we did this awesome all day scooter trip, touring the Imperial Citadel, Royal Tomb and Thien Mu Pagoda.

I was in a constant state of grin, riding behind a savvy yet half-crazy motorbike driver as we zipped from historic site to site, through the countryside, alongside rice paddies and down back alleys to see how the people lived.

By far, this was my favorite 'adventure' part of the trip. It was exhilarating to be part of that massive flow of traffic inside the city too, but safely perched on the back while someone else drove!

This is me with Lisa, a fellow Canadian & member of our tour group. She took a video of what it was like to ride 'in' the traffic--I'll have to see if I can snag it off of her!

From Hue we moved on to Hoi An, which was a shopper's dream. This city is known for their tailoring, and you could get anything you wanted made for you within a day or two. Suits, dresses, blouses, skirts, jackets...you name it, and everything was runway gorgeous and good quality. Inexpensive too--an evening dress might cost 30-50 dollars, a suit 80. One person had a beautiful wool coat made for 60.

I have to say that I let down TEAM FEMALE and didn't get myself something made, but my son Darian did get a pair of shoes designed!

Darian and I also went to a cooking school there as well. At the Blue Dragon we learned how to make Vietnamese spring rolls, BBQ pork and stuffed fish in banana leaves. The best part? Eating it all once it was cooked!

Darian fitting himself in a hidden tunnel entrance!

From Hoi An we flew to Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon). There we visited the War Remnants Museum, which was a very hard trip because it gave a very graphic and terrible account of the Vietnam war. Let's just say that in North America, we hear a watered down version of what happened, and the aftermath of Agent Orange and other chemicals dropped by the US. It was horrific to see the chemical burns, mass graves and terrible birth defects as a result of exposure to Agent Orange.

Hubs in the tunnels

We also took a day trip to the Cu Chi tunnels. Southern Vietnamese people lived and fought in these tunnels during the war, and after seeing them with my own eyes, it's hard to fathom. We had an opportunity to go in some, which were widened twice from their original size to accommodate tourists.

I went into the tunnels via a different entrance built for the *cough* North American body type, and as I crawled through, claustrophobia started to take hold. All I could think was, These tunnels were widened TWICE and they are still so narrow? How the heck did people LIVE down here?

After crawling around in the pitch dark and wondering what sort of crazy I'd been drinking to do such a thing, we took a boat cruise in the Mekong Delta and visited a Coconut Candy factory. Aaaaah. MUCH more my speed!

Finally it was time to head over to Cambodia and Phnom Pehn. It was an all day bus ride, mainly due to a two hour traffic jam we encountered. At the roadside stops we were exposed to lots of local eats that included spiders, cockroaches, locusts, grubs and tiny birds. My gift to you all is to NOT post pictures of these creepy crawly sauteed delicacies (but if you are curious, head over to my FB page, where I did post a shot!) And no, I didn't eat any of it!


Silk being harvested--look closely!

Phnom Pehn has a terrible history, and out of respect for Cambodia, I won't post pictures from
Tuol Sleng Prison and Choeung Ek (The Killing Fields), a mass grave site.

In the 1970's, the Khmer Rouge came into power and killed over 3 million people through torture and starvation. They turned a school into a prison (one of dozens) and systematically murdered almost every educated person in Cambodia.

When they were finally driven out, the entire country had only 2 doctors and four teachers among the population. The Khmer Rouge wanted to make a single class of people--farmers--and so even sought out people who wore glasses, believing they wore them to read, and therefore had education.

It takes at least 1 day to make a silk scarf

Cambodia has high poverty and low education, and is still recovering from the KR regime. We did meet people who are working to bring education into the country however, and creating opportunities for women to learn a trade so they do not have to turn to prostitution, which is widespread.

One place was a silk farm, and so we actually got to see how silk is formed and how it is harvested. The farm imports most of its raw silk because the bushes silk worms eat do not grow well in Cambodia, but they produced scarves and teach local women how to weave.

Moving on to Siem Reap, we got ready for our sunrise tour of Ankor Wat, the world's largest religious monument. For me, this is why I wanted to come on this trip--to explore Ankor Wat. And let me tell you, it didn't disappoint!

We were led to the lake in the dark, with no idea of what we would see once dawn came. It was such an experience to see the darkness lift bit by bit, and silhouettes of far off buildings form.

Soldiers would touch the goddess for luck before battle...3 guesses where

After sunrise, we headed back to our hotel for breakfast and to pick up the kids (they opted to NOT get up at 4:45 am, lol). Then it was back for a full, hot day at Ankor Wat. The Hindu temple complex is massive beyond imagining and would take days (or weeks!) to explore it all.

The carvings were so intricate and detailed. Amazingly we were able to walk through much of the area, although I don't imagine it will always be this way, as so many tourists will wear down the stone and ruin the site.

It was fascinating to learn the history of this lost city and those that ruled here. The walls were full of carvings depicting their religious beliefs, the cultures of the time and their dealings with each other.

They were renovating many parts of the complex, trying to restore what they could, but the jungle has taken hold in many places and I think it will not release it's grip too easily.

And okay, yeah, so maybe I goofed around a bit with this headless Buddha statue I discovered...

It was quite hot there--creeping into the 40's Id say (Celsius). A person got used to sweating all the time and drinking gallons of water to stay hydrated. It was a very fulfilling, yet exhausting day.

Despite the heat, we managed to climb up to the upper level of the Wat (temple). You'll see me here with my fan. I swear, that fan was the best $2.50 I ever spent. Darian grabbed one too, and we noticed whenever we had it out, people in our tour group would stand closer to us, rotf...

So after our big, long day at Ankor Wat, we decided to just bum around the city a bit. Everywhere we looked, we saw these fish tanks. They were for fish massages!

This one had a sign that said, "Fish Massage: No Piranhas, We Promise." Now if that isn't sound advertising, I don't know what is!

Well, we figured while in Cambodia, do as the Cambodians do... (it helped that each massage session came with a free beer!)

I'm not going to lie...this FREAKED me out at first! But then after 5 minutes, it sort of felt good. And my feet were so soft afterwards, too!

(RIP any fish I killed from my nasty foot sweat!)

Our time ended all too soon, and off we went to Bankok, Thailand. Unfortunately by the time we arrived it was about 4 pm, and we flew out the next day at 5 am. We were able to swing past the Palace, and did get one night in Thailand.

After dinner, we went to the Night Market, and let me tell you, anything goes! We passed a lot of bars that offered things that I can't mention on this school friendly blog, and more than one booth that offered to make just about any type of ID a person could ever need or want. The streets were alive with activity and energy.

I would love to go back and spend more time there, and check out the rest of Thailand. I think I'll end this snippet of my trip with this beautiful street lamp I discovered as the sun went down...

I loved the trip, but it's good to be back. Please let me know if any cool things happened while I was away! Share your news, your goals or anything else!

Physical Attribute: Head

2013-04-13T06:30:00.000-04:00

photo credit: Ocktobre via photopin cc

HEAD

Descriptors: shaven, bristled, bumpy, bulbous, veined, oval, egg-shaped, pointed, wide, elongated, narrow, dented, smooth, scarred, age-spotted, stumpy, small

Things Heads Do

nod: dip, incline, duck and lift, bow, tip, bob
shake: wag, jerk, waver, sway, rock, tremor
tilt: slant, cock, twist, shift, lean, turn, pitch, bend

Key Emotions and Related Head Gestures:

People often move their head without thinking, especially when interacting with others, so it's a good way to spot a shift in emotion. During conversation, a person may tip their head forward when they are feeling vulnerable (uncertainty, nervousness, fear, shame, embarrassment, confusion, etc.) Rubbing the back of the head can be a self-soothing gesture for worry, anxiety, sadness and dread.
Looking down via a forward head tilt is a common way to conceal an emotional reaction to what is being said or done. A head tilted to the side is a good indication of deep thought--it can mean a person is focused on what's happening or being said, or they are searching for the the right thing to say. People also indicate and motion with their head, using it to draw a person's attention to a specific area.

Simile and Metaphor Help:

Mary's jaw dropped and her head darted side to side like a high powered ping pong ball. Whatever gossip Karen and Lisa were dishing, it must be good.
Levi hit the switch, and old time country music blasted out the speakers. Professor Stewart jumped out his chair, his liver-spotted head bobbing this way and that--a discarded jack-in-the-box with one last crank left in him.

Clichés to Avoid: Calling a bald man egg-headed or a cue ball

HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example:

Dusty scraped his hands over his bristly head, pacing erratically. As he muttered to himself, glancing at the emergency doors every few steps, I noticed his fingers would linger on the twisted scar just above his right ear before traveling back. My heart squeezed painfully for him. The car accident, of course. He was just a child, too young to remember it, but it left him without parents. What a terrible memory to have surface as he waited for word on his son's condition from the hit and run.

BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above!

Physical Attributes Entry: Cheeks

2013-04-06T05:00:00.000-04:00

CHEEKS

Courtesy of Joi at Flickr.com

Descriptors: chubby, rosy, drawn, sunken, jowly, saggy, puffy, pocked, dimpled, scarred, freckled, sunburned, kissable, rouged, powdered, pierced

Key Emotions and Related Cheek Gestures:

People will chew on their cheeks when they're nervous or uncertain. Other nervous habits include tapping or rubbing the cheeks, or nervous tics in the muscle. Someone might blow out their cheeks when they're feeling impatient or are trying not to show frustration. The cheeks will redden (along with the rest of the neck and face) to show embarrassment or anger. And of course, the cheeks raise and "brighten" the face when someone smiles.

Famous Quotes involving Cheeks

Prejudice is like a hair across your cheek. You can't see it, you can't find it with your fingers, but you keep brushing at it because the feel of it is irritating. --Marian Anderson
Let age, not envy, draw wrinkles on thy cheeks. --Thomas Browne
I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. --Flannery O'Connor
The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot. --Salvador Dali
There's more to life than cheek bones. --Kate Winslet

Simile and Metaphor Help:

I could always tell Jason was mad when he started blowing out his cheeks. Right now they looked like balloons ready to pop.
Everyone burst out laughing and my cheeks warmed—a flesh-eating fire burning its way through my skin.

Clichés to Avoid: chipmunk cheeks, cheeks so chubby they have to be pinched, turning the other cheek, a single tear coursing down the cheek, pink "Santa" cheeks

HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example: I wiped the sweat from my face, cursing the heat. Across from me, Jana sat tall and still except for her fingers, picking at the cuff of her long-sleeved shirt. Her pants were long, pooling around her sneakers, and her shirt buttoned all the way up to her chin. Her hair parted in the middle, partially obscuring her face, but the skeletal look of her was obvious. The skin drew tight across her nose and chin, the cheeks sunken like pits. The words formed in my mouth to ask what was wrong with her, but I swallowed them, respecting her desire to hide.

BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above!

Communication Breakdown

2013-04-03T07:00:00.000-04:00

Ironically, it’s often in the ways conversation breaks down that you can best lend verisimilitude to your dialog...

This is the teaser for today's post, contributed by David Corbett, who's here to talk about dialogue. It's an essential part of storytelling, and to be successful, it has to be realistic. But in truth, dialogue is messy; it's rambling and self-centered, and doesn't always end up sharing what's meant to be conveyed. I'm so glad David is here today to share some techniques for how to do it right...

It’s often said that the writing of dialog requires reading, not listening to actual conversation. This is because real speech suffers from a variety of pitfalls—pointless digressions, mindless nattering, and the twitchy insertion of um, like, you know, and other verbal tics.

But one can’t expect to create realism while straying too far from reality, either.

Ironically, actual speech often proves most instructive for dialog purposes when it breaks down, usually because the speakers are at cross-purposes.

Since your characters are contesting, blocking, countering each other’s goals, there is often a halting, stop-and-start quality to dialog that beginners routinely miss. Remember that each character has her own objective in each scene. Rather than respond to the first character, the second character may press her own point, and it may have little or nothing to do with what the first character tried to get across.

A great deal of bad dialog is either dueling pronouncements or a kind of verbal tennis, in which each volley gets answered by the next. This soon becomes labored and artificial, like the singsong back-and-forth between a teacher and her star pupil.

Remember that people cut each other off, they don’t listen, they talk over each other. The result: truncated sentences, tangents, non sequiturs. If used judiciously, these tactics can provide a sense of realism. Used to excess, they quickly seem affected—worse, boring.

A few specific techniques that can enhance a sense of realism—if used wisely—include:

Changing the subject (or answering a question with another question): This is a principal way for one character to ignore what the other said, either because he has something more pressing he wants to talk about or he’s trying to avoid the implications of what the first speaker is saying. The new tack in the conversation becomes an obstacle the first speaker has to overcome to continue pursuing the conversational objective and not get sidetracked or stonewalled.

Giving unsolicited advice: When one character is trying to get a point across, having the other give him unwanted advice feels like being ignored—with “the best of intentions.”

Topping the other person’s story: Instead of just ignoring what the first speaker said, the second speaker minimizes it. “That’s nothing, you should’ve seen what happened to me.” In one stroke, the second speaker has invalidated the first.

Finishing the other character’s sentences: This again is a status play, demeaning the other character by insinuating that what he has to say is patently obvious.

Interpreting what the other character is saying: This often starts out with something like, “You mean to tell me,” which is different than paraphrasing the other character while trying to understand. It’s instead a way for one character to say he knows what the other was trying to say better than she does.

Asking a question, then not listening to the answer: This suggests the character wants to seem interested when he really isn’t. The question is a pose, not a real desire for information.

In the martial art known as dialog, all of these techniques are preemptive attacks, blocking maneuvers, dodges, or feints. Put to good use, they can add a touch of realism to dialog. But like anything else, they can also seem forced or overly clever, especially if unmotivated.

****

David Corbett is the author of four novels: Devil's Redhead (New Blood) , Done for a Dime (a New York Times Notable Book), Blood of Paradise: A Novel (Mortalis) (nominated for numerous awards, including the Edgar), and Blood of Paradise: A Novel (Mortalis) David’s short fiction and poetry have appeared in numerous journals and anthologies, including Mission and Tenth, The Smoking Poet, San Francisco Noir and Best American Mystery Stories (2009 and 2011). He has taught both online and in classroom settings through the UCLA Extension's Writers' Program, Book Passage, LitReactor, 826 Valencia, The Grotto in San Francisco, and at numerous writing conferences across the US. He lives in Vallejo, CA.

Physical Attributes Entry: Faces

2013-03-30T04:00:00.000-04:00

In case any of you are wondering if Angela has either a) stepped into a hole and fallen to the center of the Earth and out of the blogosphere, or b) finally gone stark raving mad, shaved her head, and joined a commune in Tibet, I should probably put you out of your misery and say that she's c) vacationing with her family in Vietnam. She'll be back at the end of next week, hopefully with many embarrassing stories and a million pictures to share. Until then, enjoy this post on FACES :)

*****

FACES

Descriptors: round, narrow, heart-shaped, long, squished, square, oval, fleshy, fat, drawn, skeletal, baby-faced, wrinkled, freckled, acned, happy, sad, mournful, open/bright, closed-off, worried, downcast, uplifted, tired, tanned, pale, pasty, pallid, expressionless, smooth, bearded, jowly, wide

Things Faces Do (and other words/phrases to describe those actions)

Fall: sag, droop, sink, crumple
Brighten: shine, gleam, glow, uplift, beam, radiate
This is a tough one, because many of the things that happen to the face (tics, twitches, etc.) aren't attributed to the face, but to the specific body part involved (eye, jaw, cheek). Remember that for the face to get credit for an action, multiple parts need to be in play. This is why feelings are usually attributed to the face, because so much of it is involved when emotions are being expressed.

Key Emotions and Related Face Gestures:

Fear: The eyes grow wide; the nostrils may flare; the mouth may open wider to take in more oxygen or squeeze closed in an effort to gain control of oneself.
Happiness: the eyes may shine or glisten with tears; a smile will emerge; the entire faces brightens or becomes more animated
Sadness: the eyes grow dull and limpid and may take on a blank gaze; tears appear; the mouth downturns and may quiver with the effort to hold back tears; the entire face appears to sag, droop, or crumple
Anger: cheeks flush; teeth and jaws clench; lips mash together; eyes often narrow and take on a hard or steely glint; the tendons may stand out, showing tenseness; nostrils may flare
Worry and Nervousness: eyes shift, darting here and there and blinking rapidly; tics may start up in various places; the teeth may lick, bite, or chew on the lips;
Surprise: The eyes grow wide and may cease blinking for a time; the mouth gasps open; the face may become still or appear frozen
For more information on how to express emotions using the face and other body parts, see our sampling of The Emotion Thesaurus, or check out the complete version at Amazon and other retailers.

Simile and Metaphor Help:

Her face brightened in a suitably gentle way—not a sudden sunburst, but an oil lamp being turned slowly up.
At the word "no", the little boy's face turned red and squeezed shut. He looked like a sunburned Pekingese.

Clichés to Avoid: the wrinkled face that is described as a roadmap or atlas of lines; the face as an open book or closed door; the pointy-chinned face being "elfin"

HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example: The woman put her sad moon-face in at the window of the car. "You be good," she said to the little ones. "Mind what Dicey tells you." Then she slung her purse over her shoulder and walked away, her stride made uneven by broken sandal thongs, thin elbows showing through holes in the oversized sweater, her jeans faded and baggy. -- Homecoming, Cynthia Voigt

BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above!

*photo credit: Paul Stevenson via photopin cc

Dontcha Know How Ter Write Dialects, Y'all?

2013-03-26T04:00:00.000-04:00

Courtesy of yooperann at PhotoPin

Dialects and accents in fiction are a particular source of contention for me. One of the characters in my historical fiction is a Native American girl who speaks English as a second language. Critique partners and my own ears have told me that her speech needs work, so for literally months I've been thinking about the issue of how to write dialects and accents in a believable way. Then, while I was reading Maggie Stiefvater's THE RAVEN BOYS, I discovered some easy techniques to show the reader how the character sounds. First:

The voice was careful, masculine, and local; the vowels had all the edges sanded off.

The simplicity of this just kills me. Steifvater doesn't go into detail describing the individual sounds of the character's speech, the phonetics, how the sentences are put together. She succinctly tells how the words sound, then writes them the normal way, and the reader's brain fills in the rest. In this particular case, the story takes place in Virginia. If you're familiar with the way Virginians talk, then the "local" reference will immediately clue you in to how the speaker sounds. And if you're unfamiliar with the accent, you get a good feel for it with the description she gives of the vowels.

Here's another example of how you can describe someone's speech when you're referencing a known language or accent:

When he was uncertain about something, his Southern accent always made an appearance, and it was in evidence now.

Not only does this clue the reader in as to how the character speaks, but it also reveals his frame of mind. This is an excellent example of description that does more than just describe.

Here's one more sample, this time describing an elderly English gentleman's speech:

Without further preamble, Malory launched into a one-sided conversation about the weather, the historical society's past four meetings, and how frustrating his neighbor with the collie was. Gansey understood about three quarters of the monologue. After living in the UK for nearly a year, Gansey was good with accents, but Malory's was often difficult, due to a combination of slurring, chewing, extreme age, bad breeding, and a poor phone connection.

Courtesy of Gerry Balding

The conversation that follows doesn't include any hard-to-read pronunciations or truncated verbs (talkin', eatin', drivin', etc.). Malory's rambly style of speaking, combined with the previous description, are enough to give the reader a feel for how he sounds: like an old British man who slurs his words and eats while he talks.

Descriptions like these tell precisely how the character speaks without putting the reader through mental acrobatics and having to work too hard to figure out what's being said. While some stories succeed with this hyper-focus on unique speech patterns (Forrest Gump, Brer Rabbit), a simpler method like Stiefvater's might work for you. I know I'll be trying it with my WIP.

For another great post on this topic, check out Janice Hardy's blog.