Apple Penny Hope

It has been a long time...

2012-06-10T09:24:00.000-04:00

My aunt's house...almost empty.

Well, well...it has been a long time, now, hasn't it? I apologize for the long silence. I think I've been so bogged down in the drama of it all that I just have had no energy to think about blogging. That's a shame because I so greatly enjoy blogging...meeting so many people from around the world. I've finally had a moment to catch my breath and plan on focusing on writing again. So much has happened since I last updated the blog and, yet, not much progress has been made. It can all be summed up like this:

My aunt's neighbor is trying any and everything he can possibly think of to just make the fact that he stole tens of thousands of dollars from a mentally incapacitated senior citizen just go away. First it was "I was addicted to methadone..." and now it's "I'm bi-polar and had not been on my meds..." Guess what? I don't care. You did the crime...you do the time.
The only dialogue I've had with the prosecutor's office has been when they called to communicate to me that they were considering reducing the neighbor's charges from 39 felonies to 39 misdemeanors. Words cannot describe the anger...outrage I experienced. It is putting it mildly to say that I went all kinds of crazy on the prosecutor...I even called the media. It is sad that it took a call to a reporter to get the attention of the people who are supposed to be defending my aunt. For now, no charges have been reduced; however, the trial date is July 11th. If they do indeed reduce the charges, it will occur just before the trial. So help me God, I will turn on a PR machine like the prosecutor's office has NEVER seen before if they do indeed reduce the charges. I have the newspaper and TV stations on alert. The newspaper has already committed that they will have their legal reporter at the trial...more to come later as we get closer.
I have auctioned off all of the contents of my aunt's home...probably the most difficult and sad things I've ever had to do. All of our family heirlooms...gone. Breaks my heart.
I am making some minor updates to the house and then it will go on the market ASAP.

In the meantime, my aunt continues to decline. When I look at her...with the confused, frustrated and insecure look that is now permanently on her face...I just cannot wrap my brain around the fact that this is really her...the self-confident, independent, creative person that helped set me on the course of independence and strength. I would give anything to be able to see that person just one more time...but she is gone.

I routinely receive calls from the assisted living community about issues she's having...last week it was a strange injury that the nursing staff discovered. She had a huge cut along the bridge of her nose that occurred overnight. They could not figure it out...no blood on her bedding or night clothes...but a huge gash on her face. They investigated and found no blood anywhere except for underneath her bed on the bed rails that actually hold the box spring and mattress. More than likely she was trying to take her bed apart in the middle of the night and somehow managed to hurt herself. Whatever happened will be locked away in her brain forever.

And so, that's the latest. Thanks for hanging in there with me. I hope everyone's summer is off to a great start and that you're enjoying this glorious time of year!

All the best,

Jenny

Morning ritual...

2012-03-26T07:27:00.001-04:00

Every morning I do the same thing...get up...walk around in a state of unconsciousness...start the coffee maker brewing...and pour myself a big glass of Diet Coke. I simply cannot start the day without my beloved Diet Coke. Yes, I admit it...I am addicted.

For some reason I am particularly tired this morning...not sure why because I did not do one tenth of what I normally do on weekends. However, I'm totally in a fog today.

The day was going along as it normally does but, in my half-asleep state, I managed to pour cream and Equal into my Diet Coke...and then I managed to take a drink of black coffee...GAH!...and now the day is ruined. I have a feeling this is going to be one heckuva day.

Welcome to the family

2012-03-25T11:30:00.000-04:00

This morning as I was teetering around with what feels like the thousands of seedlings I have started on my screened-in porch for my garden, I heard rustling in the trees outside of the porch...I looked out and saw this:

And within just a few minutes...this sweet lady arrived:

I'm looking forward to helping mama keep an eye on her precious eggs and hatchlings once they arrive...Today I'm going to go find a small bird feeder to put close to the nest so she will not have to go far for food. I must figure out her name...anyone who knows me knows that I bond very quickly with most animals I encounter so...mama bird, welcome to the family!

I have to be honest

2012-03-15T09:23:00.001-04:00

I have to be very honest...the truth is that I'm royally pissed. I guess I'm feeling the stress of trying to just live my life. Taking care of my own affairs...paying my bills, working on my taxes, doing a good job at work, tending to my health and the health of my little family on top of tending to my aunt's bills, her taxes, worrying about getting the contents of her house auctioned off and selling her home, dealing with the thug neighbor that stole so much money from her and the associated legal process, being her advocate and being the advocate for my mom and my dad...it's just too much.

Out of this entire situation, my aunt was the only person who had the luxury of advance notice that her life would spiral out of control. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2008...three full years before she really lost her mind. She still had her wits about her. Her doctor urged her continually to get her affairs in order...tell the family...set up the ground rules and timing of guardianship and conservatorship. But she chose not to. She kept it to herself and then, fast forward to today, now all hell has broken loose. I know that she cannot be held accountable now but she had the responsibility to be accountable to do the right thing when she was diagnosed and still in her right mind.

Being angry will get me nothing. But...I am really frustrated and, in all honesty, flat out mad at the memory of her. I'm not upset with the person she is today. If she could see herself, she would be mortified and feel horrible for all my family and I are going through. But I'm so mad at the Jean from 2008. When she had the ability to make decisions and could choose to do the right thing.

Let this be a lesson...whether you are 24 or 84, have the hard conversations while you still can. If you're younger, talk with your parents and grandparents. Make sure they are not withholding important information. If you're older, just know that keeping important health information from your family will only make their lives incredibly difficult in the long run. Ask for help. Talk to them about your expenses and your wishes. Do it now. Do not put it off. Let my family's situation serve as a lesson.

Spring has sprung...

2012-03-12T20:34:00.000-04:00

These are just a few of the things going on at my house in the past week...

Freddy Astaire Graves III, Gardening Supervisor

Letters from Home: March 15, 1962

2012-03-09T05:51:00.002-05:00

For more information on the "Letters from Home" series, click here!

Thursday Morning

March 15, 1962

Dear Jean:

Your letter came yesterday so I'll write a little this morning. Our weather is much better this week but is still cold and cloudy. A little rain, a little snow, a little ice and a little sunshine occasionally. Just March, I suppose.

We got Bill's wire last Thursday after I had written you that he'd arrive in Charleston on Friday. So Daddy and I with Ann and Stevie drove down. The plane was late (it was a bad day - snow in Beckley, rain in Charleston) so we waited and waited but he did arrive and we got back home about 4 o'clock. He was so tired and sleepy after being "on the road" all week that it was Saturday before he became all that Stevie expected. But Stevie became so impatient with the wait, so excited over events that his stammering came back. He's alright now but at first was afraid to sleep or leave the room lest his Daddy disappear. He's sleeping in your room and thinks he's putting something over on you.

They drove to Ft. Lee yesterday but will be back tomorrow. They are trying to find housing before Bill has to report for duty (April 12th, I believe). I tried to get Daddy to go to see Aunt Blanche as they went but he refused unless I went and I just didn't feel up to it. I'm so worn out from all my activities the last few weeks (or months) that I thought I should rest instead. I guess I'm doing just that. After they left yesterday morning, I went back to bed for awhile and then made last night a 10 hour sleep. I'm not very peppy this morning tho', so suppose I'll have to continue the treatment. It's not all "being tired". I have a little indigestion so maybe I've been eating too much.

I had Bob's family as well as Bill's for Sunday dinner. I cooked the turkey and all the "fixins". Wished the rest of you could have been with us.

I'm going to launder table linens, etc., today.

Bill brought me a wooden tray carved from one piece in the shape of a water lily pad. I'm real proud of it. He also gave me a new slide viewer that holds 25 slides. I'll have to get more slides from the family travels since I don't make them. I also had another gift this week (I guess I rubbed Aladdin's lamp again). It's a trash can I had admired. It's made of polyethylene - yellow with the swing top like street cans only smaller and takes the plce of my box or bag I kept in the kitchen for paper trash. I'm real proud of it and my "corner" looks so much neater. Ann got that a few days ago.

I went to Bridge club Tuesday at Mrs. Keyser's. She had a luncheon - real nice.

Ann and I went up town last week and looked at lots of pretties. Tried on hats and looked at dresses, etc. And Stevie haunted all toy counters. Ann got him another "whirly bird". That evening Wilma brought him another almost like it and his dad brought him another, much larger, one so he's still talking helicopters. He and Karen played together nicely Sunday.

Now your letter. I don't find many leads...

About the muffin tins - I have two about that size so don't buy another. Mine are not quite so deep as the one you sent but will go with it nicely. I wasn't going to say anything but will tell you now that the kind I wanted has space for about 20 muffins a little larger than thimble size. People use them for cup cakes fo parties - teas, coffees, etc., where they need numbers instead of size. I would use them very seldom so I'll just keep a look out and find one sometime.

I'll show your letter to Ann and Bill. I'm sure they will be interested in the records.

Karen wears a size 12 shoe.That's the same as at Christmas. Jo Ann says to tell you that she got her report card yesterday and had 3 A's and 2 B's. Also she had her school picture made yesterday and will send you one when she gets them. We're both wondering if she'll look happy in it.

I must close. Be good and happy.

Love,
Mother

Letters from Home: March 8, 1962

2012-03-04T09:43:00.000-05:00

For more information on the "Letters from Home" series, click here!

Thursday Morning

March 8, 1962

Dear Jean:

I'm sure you've heard enough weather news this week to know that winter is upon us again. It began snowing Monday and kept it up 'til Tuesday night. We had 8 to 10 inches and has been real cold. It cleared about noon yesterday and much of it has melted but this is a cold, white , sunny morning.

I had everything in readiness for the DAR meeting Tuesday - silver polished, dishes all out, napkins arranged, chairs all carried in and the house in "apple pie" order when the meeting was cancelled about 10:30. It was just too bad for people to come. So, I spent the rest of the day putting things back in place - (cancelled my ice cream order) and my obligation is over for this year. Also my cake is baked for this weekend - frozen, of course.

I have a lovely bouquet of flowers left over, Forsythia and Daffodils (which I forced) and the lovely bunch of grapes adorns the base of it.

I received the package last week and am proud of all of them. My plate is running over now, so I guess we'd better quit. I gave Ann her mushroom and she's quite proud of it, altho' I don't think it's near as pretty as mine. Also thanks for the muffin tin.

Anne and Stevie came up to Wilma's yesterday (put off a load of their belongings here) and will stay there 'til Friday when they'll come here to stay.

We still haven't heard anything from Bill but are momentarily expecting a wire since he was supposed to reach San Francisco yesterday. If he gets here this week, I'll have the "Turkey Dinner" Sunday and have asked Bob's folks for the occasion but whether it will be this Sunday or the following one is still in doubt.

Schools were closed yesterday.

Ann is going to come for me this morning and we're going shopping. You'd laugh if you could see my shopping list. Nothing very glamorous, I assure you.

Did you get your blouse? Now for your letter: Glad your entertaining is over? I'm sure you are. I've reread your letter but find few leads since I've already commented on most of it.

You seem to be thinking in terms of leaving Louisianna. We would be glad to have you nearer home but so far as vice is concerned, you'll find it wherever you go, from city to hamlet or even the country side. I'm afraid it's with us to stay and also the corrupt officials. I guess the only thing we can do is to try to keep our little individual worlds as pure as possible (but I think under minute scrutiny, a lot of our thinking is warped). Oh well, the Lord made us human and I think he understands our shortcomings. If not, heaven will be very sparsely settled...and that's not flippancy.

Stevie brought his guitar over yesterday and played and sang hillbilly songs. I pretended that his music was so fine. I couldn't keep my feet still and he laughed 'til he cried. He had a wonderful time and I was worn out! He expects me to play with him all the time. I guess when Bill comes, that will relieve me.

Dad and I raked the whole lawn last Friday and spread fertilizer all over so we are all set for spring when it does come to stay.

Ann just called to say she's on her way to see her mother and then on here.

Be good and happy.
Love,
Mother

PS. Marjorie called sunday. She was to go with Hutch to Cleveland for a few days this week.

It's about that time of year...

2012-03-03T13:56:00.000-05:00

Every March I think back to when I was little...we always had a big garden...or at least to me it seemed as though it was HUGE. Every March, usually around the 17th, my mom would start many plants by seed. My dad would bring home peat pots, potting soil and many packages of different kinds of seeds... green beans, corn, tomatoes, onions, leaf lettuce, peppers, rhubarb and tons of flowers. When I was old enough, I loved to help my mom...we would start the tomato and peppers indoors first. I'm sure the first few times I "helped" her it was more mess making than actual help. But, she let me do everything with her. We put all of the little seed pots on a card table covered them with a dark plastic garbage bag to keep the soil moist and warm...and then every day we would sit it in front of the living room "picture" window to soak up the warmth from the sun that streamed in.

Oh how excited I would get when the seedlings began to pop their little heads up out of the soil. I looked forward to watering them every single day. And, once the seedlings got their second set of leaves, we'd mix up Miracle Grow and give them a good dose...man alive, did they ever take off after that!

Courtesy of Comstock's Catalog

To keep them from getting "spindly" (tall and skinny), as my mother would say, we would begin taking them outside during the day to "harden" them up a bit. And, after the last frost, my dad would get out his old garden tiller and get the soil ready for planting the garden...we usually planted a lot of the garden on Good Friday...not quite sure why. Maybe it's because my dad had the day off and could be there to help my mom....I know there was an old wive's tale about the fact you were supposed to plant potatoes on Good Friday...But, from everything I've read, that tale is a bust...and shouldn't be followed. We would transplant the seedlings that were, by then, large leafy plants, into the ground...and mom would also plant beans, corn, onions, leaf lettuce, dill and cucumber seeds directly into the soil. My dad was responsible for planting the potatoes and also tending to the apple trees and the grape vines...I was there to help plant and then helping my mother weed the garden using a hoe every few days.

And then, late in the summer just before school started, we would have marathon canning sessions. We would pick the produce in the late afternoon and then wait until around 10 - 11 pm to begin the canning process. You see, we lived in the mountains and, at that time, our little house did not have air conditioning. How in the world we lived without it is beyond me. I guess it's because we spent so much of the hot summer days outdoors. Firing up the canner would make the entire house so incredibly hot...so, we'd wait until the coolest part of the day which was nighttime. That always seemed so exciting to me...to get to stay up almost all night working in the kitchen with my mom was so much fun! Would give anything to be able to have that experience with her now that I am an adult.

Courtesy of Comstock's Catalog

So...it's about this time every year I order my seeds for a very tiny kitchen garden...I received the most beautifully done catalog yesterday from Comstock, Ferre & Co...even if you're not a gardener, you should request a copy...the photos and illustrations are lovely. This company specializes in heirloom seeds. I've never planted heirloom veggies so I've decided to give it a try...here's what I've ordered:

St. Valery Carrots
Jimmy Nardello Peppers
Bull Nose Peppers
Rhubarb
New England Pie Pumpkins
Connecticut Field Pumpkins
Winter Luxury Pumpkins
Bonnie Best Tomatoes
Chives
Dill
Cabbage
Ball's Orange Calendula
Persian Carpet Zinnia
Peppermint Stick Zinnia
Mammoth Russian Sunflowers

Can hardly wait for my order to arrive...even though I love the winter months desperately, since we're obviously not going to have a winter this year, I'm ready to get started with spring! Planning my garden takes me back to much happier times when my mom and I could still do things together. Having my own garden and managing it the same she did her own, helps me feel a little closer to her...something I've missed for a long long time.

Letter's from home: March 1, 1962

2012-03-01T04:42:00.000-05:00

For more information on the "Letters from Home" series, click here!

Thursday Morning

March 1, 1962

Dear Jean:

Your letters come on Wednesdays now so that does prevent my letters reaching you the same week but there's not much in them anyway.

It's cold this morning with a "skim" of snow. I hope that's "coming in like a lion" for we surely want March to go out like a "lamb". The sun is beginning to shine tho' so I guess it's just "maybe". We've had lots of rain this week and parts of WV are badly flooded. We give thanks that we're on the mountain tops.

Well, I had my Bridge luncheon Tuesday. Served creamed chicken in pastry shells garnished with parsley, lima beans sprinkled with slivered almonds, a salad - lime jello with a pear half filled with a ball of creamed cheese and pecans molded in it, hot rolls, cherry preserves and spice cake & coffee. It looked very pretty. Mrs. Pugh got sick and had to go home so I played. Flo substituted for Erma. I'm glad it's over.

I'm getting ready for DAR next Tuesday. I've ordered individual molds of ice cream - vanilla with a shamrock stenciled on top. I'm going to make the same spice cake with caramel icing and get mixed nuts to pass. I have two assistant hostesses to share the expense.

I've just talked to Mrs. Allen this morning about Mrs. Garner Williams. She's at her son's home now. She has cancer and from what Mrs. Allen says, she'll not be alive very long. She looked so well when I saw her last - seems impossible.

JoAnn had the rest of her teeth taken out yesterday and they sewed up the gums and put her teeth right in. Daddy took her home after the ordeal and she came by for me to see them. They look real nice and she seems to be feeling fine. She was to go back this morning but altho' Daddy expected to take her, she went with "Patsy" (a neighbor) instead.

Ann and Stevie were here Sunday and came by again yesterday. She had a letter from Bill. He says he'll fly from Japan on Monday the 5th. Will reach California the 7th and after "processing" there, will be on his way home. He will fly but we still don't know just when he'll get home.

Now, for you letter. How I do hope you'll get that scholarship! What is the alternative?

Yes, my fruit stand is pretty well filled (and was much admired) but I, too, am tempted by each new piece. The grapes I'll use with flower arrangements I'm sure and I'll make a place for the others. Ann is thrilled about the mushroom (tell me the price since that's my gift to her). I told her you said "this finishes it" but she says Wilma is going to want a mushroom, too. But, before she decides, I'm going to have her come and look at mine so if there's any other she wants, she can make 1 package do it. It is a fascinating collection.

I haven't heard any more about the record so can't answer that. No, I have no ideas about Karen's birthday presents. I haven't been seeing her much and she's quite calling on the telephone. So, I don't get her reactions to things. She's pleased, tho', with any and all gifts.

Yes, I had seen your turtle picture and maybe I'll get Stevie one as a "going away" gift. Certainly not as a "coming in" one.

I had already mailed the blouse before you wrote. Sorry I was so long about it. Blame Daddy - it was tied up, ready to go for weeks.

My cleaning wasn't all for guests. My spring cleaning is done! This past rainy week has been hard on clean windows but my conscience is clear whether the windows are or not.

Gladys and Lonnie were up Sunday.

Must close. Be good and happy.

Love,
Mother

PS...Marjorie made a short telephone call Sunday night.

Letters from Home: February 22, 1962

2012-02-29T04:58:00.001-05:00

John Glenn is seen during his space flight in the Friendship 7 Mercury spacecraft in this February 20, 1962 photo

For more information on the "Letters from Home" series, click here!

Thursday Morning

February 22, 1962

Dear Jean:

Your letter was late again this week and so is mine. I do not know if mail will be delivered today or not.

We are having rather nice weather now for the time of year but are a little uneasy when they predict these mid-western storms are headed east. We'll probably get one, one of these days, but so far are enjoying our spring-like days.

Did you spend Tuesday watching the orbital flight? Am so glad it was successful even tho' I can't seem to feel there's much purpose to it. But that's what people said about Columbus' voyages!

I'm so tired this morning. I can hardly move. I've just finished cleaning the living room. Just now finished getting it back together. I cleaned the carpet last night. Washed the drapes and windows yesterday. I've finished the downstairs now except for shampooing this dining room rug and I'll do that tonight. (I do that at night to keep traffic off 'til it dries.) I certainly have worked this week but am elated that my hardest spring work is done.

I played Bridge at Flo's on Tuesday with Mrs. Sayre and Mrs. Hutchinson. I got the prize - a green linen guest towel.

What pattern is your stainless steel? I have never seen any of the flatware.

I'll be real pleased to get the muffin tins. I've always wanted the tiny ones. And, while I think of it, I know I forgot to thank you for the strainer but I do like and use it often.

Glad you've reached your bond "goal". It's nice to have a nest egg.

Ann liked Stevie's gift but the last time it was mentioned she hadn't tried it on him. She's glad it's large enough for a few months hence, when he will need it more. He's outgrowing his clothes rapidly.

Bill wrote last week that he'd probably arrive about March 7. Ann was so disappointed since she had thought it would be about February 28. I don't think either date is final tho'.

I just talked with JoAnn. They are fine. She expects to get the rest of her teeth pulled early next week and her dentures will be ready to put right in. she says Karen has gotten her appetite back but hasn't gained any except what she lost during her illness.

I'm anxious to see your chicken sampler. Bring it with you when you come home.

When your Mardi Gras is over and my Bridge Club and DAR, we'll both need a vacation.

Must close. Be good and happy.

Love,
Mother

Unglued...

2012-02-27T13:57:00.000-05:00

Oh Monday...you have kicked my sorry behind all day long and it's only 1:30 pm...BACK OFF!

I'm feeling such stress...stressed about tending to all the tasks that must get done for my aunt that I can't get to because I'm literally afraid to be in her house alone due to the heroine addicted thug next door...stressed about doing her taxes...hell, I'm stressed about doing MY taxes...I'm stressed about every single thing going on in my life right now. And that stress is popping out all over the place...

My mother is in a skilled nursing facility. She has a feeding tube but we try desperately to encourage her to eat on her own as frequently as possible. My dad takes her special treats from home...it's the one joy they both have...she loves sweets...candies and cakes and ice cream...and my dad gets so much happiness watching her enjoy them so much. Two weeks ago he realized she didn't have her dentures and couldn't eat anything he had brought her. He looked everywhere he could in her room but they were not to be found. So he talked to the nursing staff and they told him they would look for them and if they could not find them, they facility would replace them...

That was two weeks ago...TWO FREAKIN' WEEKS AGO! We've heard nothing...I just got off the phone with the Executive Director who basically told me this was the first she had heard of it and she would look into it...she would need until the end of the week to complete her damn investigation. Maybe I'm just unreasonable, maybe I'm just worn out...maybe I'm just a class A bitch...but I truly came unglued with this woman...

My mom has no quality of life at all...NONE! She just lays there every day and waits to die. She hallucinates horrible things and hears voices all the time. The one joy she has is eating her goddamn chocolate candy but she needs teeth to do it! One more week is just too much after we had brought it to their attention TWO WEEKS AGO and nothing has been done!

I swear it was a scene from Terms of Endearment and I was Shirley MacLaine completely having a meltdown...Shirley was asking for pain meds for her daughter...I was demanding they FIND MY MOM'S FREAKIN' TEETH!

I swear...it's days like this that I wonder how much longer I can continue to fill this role of advocate for my elderly family. I want to do it for as long as they need me but...this is just so hard.

Letters from home: January 31, 1962

2012-02-26T02:58:00.000-05:00

For more information on the "Letters from Home" series, click here!

Wednesday Morning

January 31, 1962

Dear Jean:
Well, today finishes January and I'm glad to see it go. We had another cold, cold night last night - below zeros but I don't know exactly. The snow is several inches deep but the sun is shining this morning. Everything is beautiful but oh so uncomfortable.

Flo was going to take a group of us out for lunch today but since the roads are so bad has postponed it 'til Friday. We'll play Bridge at her house afterward. I played with Club at Mrs. Trent's yesterday. It was a nice party but I had poor cards. The storm came just as we were leaving her house.

Our Benefit Bridge (for Cancer Fund and Camp Gallahad, a camp for underprivileged children) is to be at Woman's Club on February 9th. I'm going to play with Mrs. T.V.Hutchison, Flo and Mrs. J.P. Bland. I also am one of the hostesses for the affair.

Mrs. McKenzie has asked me to trade Bridge Club dates with her so I won't have it 'til February 27th. I don't think Bill will get home quite that soon so think I can still get it in before the house becomes a shambles with company. Jo is going to Alabama and wanted to entertain us before she leaves.

Mrs. Farmer just called. Mission Circle meets with her at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. My going depends on the weather. We've missed church the last two Sundays because of "stormy weather".

I'm working on my wall hanging - doing a lot more embroidery on mine than the instructions call for.

JoAnn went to the dentist yesterday expecting to have the rest of her teeth pulled but he only made impressions. Next time she goes e expects to take out the teeth and put the new dentures in. I dread that for her.

Yesterday was Stevie's birthday. He was so looking forward to it and had a lot of gifts. There's one from Karen still here. They came over last Friday and we went uptown for awhile. He still haunts the toy counters.

Now for your letter, which came on Tuesday this time. Your rain coat, from Spiegel, was it alright?

I'm real anxious to know about your scholarship and stipend. Living costs are so high, I'm hoping they'll be covered.

Where has Ruth been all this time? I supposed they were in S.A. long ago. I received the box of fruit yesterday and am real proud of them. They grapefruit is particularly real looking and they used the pineapples in flower arrangements also. So I'm sure I'll get a lot of pleasure from them and as you asked for it, I bought 2 twigs of cherries (.10 each) and shall pretend that I splurged and filled my bowl with permanent fruits, O.K? Thanks a lot!

The Bridge prize at the big party, of course, was just luck, good cards and good partners. It wouldn't happen again in a hundred years. That's why I was so proud of it.

We keep forgetting your blouse but will get it as soon as the weather permits.

I saw the Brillo you mentioned advertised in one of the new magazines and will try it real soon. I putit on my list but haven't seen it in the store yet. Will look again this week.

Your bread recipe calls for whole wheat flour, which I never have. And, since I don't like whole wheat bread, I don't want to buy it. This recipe, too, is for loaf bread and probably wouldn't work out as refrigerator rolls. I may half it and use white flour. But, of course, that wouldn't be a fair test, would it?

Daddy is getting so tire of shoveling snow. He's sure there's been more of it this year than ever before.

Must close and get this in the mail.

Be good and happy.

Love,
Mother

Letters from Home: January 25, 1962

2012-02-25T10:57:00.003-05:00

For more information on the "Letters from Home" series, click here!

Thursday Morning

January 25, 1962

Dear Jean:
Just one month since Christmas Day - and it seems like ages.

This is a lovely morning, so bright and sunshiney. Looks like spring but changes in the weather come so fast it will probably be very wintry by the time you read this. We had another bad spell last week - thus the pessimism.

We're so glad the waiting is over for your school plans. I thought you had the scholarships all settled. Just how much stipend will you receive and will it about cover the tuition as well as living expenses? We will be glad, with you, when you have the "paper" that says you are qualified for any and all positions. You already have the experience qualifications, don't you?

Now, to answer your letter "leads".

Bill, after his trip to Japan and looking into the housing situation, decided not to ask for the transfer to Japan, in spite of the pressure from some of his friends and workers. I really think he's so anxious to get back to the states that it would be a mistake for him to extend his stay. Suppose he'll be home in February as previously planned.

I remembered about the needlepoint picture after you refreshed my memory. I'm real proud of it.

Karen is back in school and "loving" it. She doesn't think she's "behind" any in her work. Yes, I think she's eating better but they were over Sunday and I thought she still looked pale, but that's probably because she's been confined to the house for so long.

JoAnn went back to the dentist yesterday. He made the impressions for her dentures and she's to go back next Tuesday to have the other six teeth taken out.

Your promised package sounds like another Christmas coming up. I was up town the other day and got two twigs of cherries that look and feel good enough to eat. I went up to look for violets to put in my planter but couldn't find any. Mrs. Baritell gave me a lovely cactus for it and Flo says she has a violet she's going to give me so I'll watch ofor some of the stores to get more violets. I found some lovely plastic waste baskets that had been $1.29 each. I bought 3@ .50 each and did a cut out pattern in the top of each. One for the downstairs bath - white and lilac ribbon through the top - upstairs bath-yellow with black ribbon and the little bedroom a white with red ribbon (It looks like a valentine. I'm real proud of them since my baskets were all disgracefully shabby.) They are custom styled - no one else will have any like them.

Hutch came in Monday and was here two nights. And, by the way, he gave me $40.00 more to complete the Christmas promise. Of course, I demurred but he assured me he collected it on his expense account and it comes in very nicely.

I went to Woman's club last Friday. In place of the regular meeting they had a Bridge Party. The weather was terrible but 10 tables played and I came home with 2nd high prize. It was Hallmark gift wrappings - 3 packages of paper and 3 spools of matching ribbons. The only bad feature is the wrappings are more expensive than the gifts I give. Oh well!

I got a little story book and a coloring book and have it fixed up for Stevies birthday. They'll be by for our packages by his birthday. In fact its such a pretty day I think they might come in today.

Must close and get this int he mail.

Be good and happy.

Love,
Mother

Sweet little girl from so long ago

2012-02-23T09:15:00.000-05:00

I found this old photo in an album belonging to my aunt. It was taken sometime in the late 1890's in Farmville, VA. There's no name or information about who this sweet little girl is. I'm sure she's a cousin on my Grandfather Graves side of the family as they were from the western part of Virginia. We don't know a lot about that side of the family as my grandfather left when he was very young...that's a tragic story for another day.

As I look at this beautiful little girl, I wonder who she was. She was obviously loved...look at how beautifully she's dressed and how those ringlets are simply perfect. Her mama surely took time and care to ensure they were lovely. I wonder who she grew up to be...did she marry...have children...grandchildren. I wonder what brought her heartache and happiness.

Lots of mysteries that will never be solved...

Life hurts...and wears you out...and just plain sucks sometimes

2012-02-22T17:06:00.002-05:00

I just got off the phone with my dad. He had gone to see my mom today...as he does every day. Our conversation went like this:

Dad: Hello? (I could tell by the tone of his voice that it had not been a good day...I can't explain it...in just one word, I knew.)

Me: Hi Dad. You sound down...

Dad: Oh, I guess I am... (He never wants to just come out with what's wrong...I always have to pull it out of him.)

Me: What's wrong? (I always feel a sense of panic...oh my God...did he get hurt? Is he sick? Did something happen to mom or my aunt?)

Dad: I went to see your mother today and it was a disaster. (Now, I have to say...my dad has ALWAYS had a way of being dramatic that sends me right over the edge...)

Me: WHAT IS WRONG?

Dad: Well, I went into her room and she was just laying there...eyes closed...her mouth wide open. No matter what I did, I couldn't get her to wake up. (Background info...when my mother first became so terribly ill just before we realized we had to place her in a skilled nursing facility, she went into what the doctor's described as a catatonic state. She had a fixed stare, mouth wide open and could not communicate with us. The doctor's explained that she was still very much in there and was very much aware of everything that was being said around her...she just could not communicate with us. So...every time we see the mouth open thing, we freak out.) So, when I realized I couldn't wake her up, I ran down the hall to find a nurse. The nurse came back to the room with me and we got her to open her eyes but then she shut them right back again and then we couldn't rouse her again. The nurse said they gave her something for nausea...

Me: What drug did they give her?

Dad: I don't know...she told me what it was but I couldn't hear her. (My dad is deaf and wears hearing aids but unless you are looking right at him, he can't hear.) It just hurts me to see her like this...if her mouth hadn't been wide open, I would've sworn she was dead.

Having elderly family members on their own so far away is the most frustrating thing I have ever experienced. I want to be there to help them but I'm 4 hours away. And when I call the nursing home, I can never get the same person twice...they have no idea what I'm talking about when I call.

And, this is so hard on my dad...he's alone and I'm sure he knows the day is coming when my mom will pass. Why does the end of life have to be so hard?

A snowy Sunday night

2012-02-19T19:50:00.002-05:00

A snowy night at my house...sweet!

All the way from India!

2012-02-19T08:16:00.000-05:00

I just love blogging and social media...what was life like before it entered our day-to-day existence? I follow over 350 blogs every day! Okay, so...I do know that I need to get out more but...I can get great creative ideas, read interesting content and meet interesting people that I otherwise would never have met with just a few key strokes.

One blog I follow is Chronicled Blog. The author is a young Canadian woman who is simply the most put together and bright young lady I think I've ever come across. She is creative and fun, yet also mature and sensible. I first started reading her blog as she was preparing to move to India to do an internship for a year. Even when I was her age, I'm not sure I would've had the courage to pack up and head all the way on the other side of the world into a completely different culture for an entire year! Throughout her year there, she shared many of her adventures, the Indian culture and basically her experience. Her photography is great and really showed her world as she lived it in India. As she packed up to head back home at the end of her year, she offered to mail postcards to the first ten people who left her a comment.

Look what I got in yesterday's mail:

Kisha, thank you very much for sending me a little piece of India! You made my day as I had already forgotten about the postcard! It was great to live vicariously through your cool experiences over the past year! I wish you continued success and many more grand adventures!

Jenny

Mardi Gras 1940's Style...

2012-02-17T08:00:00.000-05:00

My Aunt Jean in New Orleans as a Tulane grad student in the 1940's

With Mardi Gras 2012 in full swing, I think about the stark differences between Mardi Gras of today versus many years ago when my aunt was a young Tulane grad student living in the French Quarter of New Orleans. The late 1940's era was a far more innocent time and my aunt most definitely led a very sheltered life. Being raised in a very Victorian era based home, she really didn't know the ways of the world, even as simplistic as they were back then.

In sorting through some of her things, I found several interesting photos of what must have been her first ever Mardi Gras. I can only imagine what she thought...especially about the men dressed as women. It's such a gift to be able to see the 1949 Mardi Gras through her eyes...

Love this photo...with the little old ladies in their headscarves who have pulled their kitchen chairs out into the street to watch the parade! And, check out the guy with his hat and sunglasses checking out the drag queen! Oh...and check out the drag queen! Work it, girl!

Love how these very common people are just standing there talking with all the freaky looking people walking around...as though it's just an every day occurrence!

Love these costumes and would love to see them in color! I just wonder how long it took them to pull these costumes together and get ready to hit the parade!

I fondly refer to this guy as "Scarlett O'Harry"...isn't he just marvelous!?! I swear I can hear the the music and laughter going on in the background right now!

The look on the older couple's faces behind this guy is simply priceless!

Aunt Jean, thank you so much for preserving this day in your life as a young girl in New Orleans. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be able to go back in time and be there with you. What fun we would have and sights we would see together. It would be such a gift to hear what you were thinking as you saw and experienced cultures and ways of life you had never seen before. And I love the fact that you embraced and accepted all ways of life even though they were far different from yours. I am so proud and grateful that I had your influence in my life.

Thank you for this gift. I will treasure it forever.

Letters from home: March 9, 1961

2012-02-16T06:34:00.000-05:00

For more information on the "Letters from Home" series, click here!

Thursday afternoon

March 9, 1961

Dear Jean,
Time for another letter! And, not much to write. We've had "Spring" for some days now and I've been getting out in the yard every morning but this morning...Snow everywhere and it snows real hard by spells. At the moment the sun is out and if it stays out the snow will be gone in a little while. The sun is quite powerful at this season.

I have hundreds of daffodils blooming and they surely looked sick this morning. However, they'll come out of it alright unless we have a hard freeze.

DAR was postponed 'til Wednesday this month so we had that yesterday at Mrs. Barritel's. Mrs. Johnson, Mrs. Phipps and I were also hostesses. We had two big cakes baked and served that with nuts and coffee. We didn't have very many out so each of us had cake to bring home. I took daffodils down to Mrs. Barritel's and also another bunch for Mrs. Johnson. I seem to be the only one with them blooming now. Since DAR was postponed, I went to Bridge Club at Mrs. Snead's on Tuesday.

I have about thrown off my cold - still have some voice trouble, some sinus infection and off and on trouble with my back.

We've cleaned the lawn (2-3 times) and Daddy spread fertilizer on it this week so its looking pretty good and rapidly growing green.

Last Sunday morning Dr. Calloway came from Sunday School at the Christian Church and stopped at the news stand to get a paper. He replied to the salesman's greeting that he was fine then collapsed on the street and died immediately. Of course its a tragedy for one so young (44) and so many feel a professional tragedy that we've lost our dentist.

Another snow flurry is on! So I guess the prediction of "more of the same" through tomorrow will stand up.

No, I don't know when or where the Armstrong's will be in Mexico, but they spend so much time traveling and were late getting away this year that they are probably still there. You know while he is retired, money is not supposed to be a problem with them. His original business was wholesale grocery but he made (and probably is still making) his money in the stock market. He's made a study of it all his life. They've been to Mexico several times, all over the US, to Alaska, to Hawaii, etc, in their travels since he retired.

You talked of your curtains. Have you made them yet? I think they'll be pretty but the 1st ironing is "mean". I'm sure you'll enjoy spending that tax refund...like finding money, isn't it?

About clothes - I'm sorely tempted to order a cotton knit (Boucle) suit in tan. It looks so pretty in the catalog. A dress and little short jacket. I can send it back if I don't like it but I've just been afraid that it wouldn't hold its shape. I can't decide. I ordered a new girdle and a pair of patent pumps this morning. Hope they'll prove to be what I want. About the shirt waist dresses - you know you brought me two last summer. I haven't tried them yet but hope they'll be wearable this time. I mean - fit (measurement) and they were inclined to be a little short in the waist. I want a linen (or linen-look) one a little dressier than shirtwaist. I've been studying the "wish books" but haven't decided on anything. But you are not responsible for getting them. I see some pretty prints but they may be prettier in the picture than real. And the lace dress I've always wanted would probably hang in my closet unworn 'til it was old-fashioned. I dress up so seldom, so had better stick to practical dresses unless I have an "occasion" for that. I wear any and every color except these vile dark blue, green, violet combinations. Those I hate.

Must close and get this in the mail.

Be good and happy.

Love,
Mother

A memory...

2012-02-15T03:50:00.002-05:00

Many of you who know me personally are very much aware of my great love of animals...I am simply driven to rescue animals in need. Somewhere along the way I managed to get "Sucker" tattooed on my forehead with ink that only starving or hurt animals can see...I am marked (blessed) and they know how to find me in a crowd. Back when I was a kid, a feral cat showed up at our house...starving. My mom fed her and we started watching over her. She disappeared for a couple of weeks and then...one day...my mother discovered the feral cat nursing a litter of kittens in our garage. I was allowed to keep 2 of the kittens...Oreo & Cookie.

Oh how I loved those kittens! Now, this was before my dad was enlightened about pet ownership...the kittens were not allowed inside the house...this is something that pains me even today. I am a staunch believer that pets, especially cats, should be indoor pets only...that's a discussion for another day...but...Oreo & Cookie grew to be happy and healthy cats...

At one point in the dead of winter, we noticed that Cookie (a ginormous orange tabby male) was losing weight...quite rapidly. He was not thriving at all...I remember it was in the middle of a snow storm. We needed to get him to the vet...he was very lethargic and failing. I cannot remember why my dad couldn't take me...he must've been working or something but...I just had to find a way to get this poor little guy to the doctor.

It just happened to be a weekend and my aunt was home visiting from Charleston. She was a) terrified of driving in the snow and b) not a cat person...but...she braved the bad roads and took my sweet Cookie and I to the vet. I can remember begging the vet to please "just fix him...make him better...please...I love him so much..." It ended up that Cookie had gotten into a fight with another cat and suffered a severe bite just at the base of his tail. Fur had matted over it and it had become horrifically infected. He was just a day or so away from dying from this horrible infection. I will never forget the vet telling me as I stood there crying that he didn't think we'd be able to save Cookie but that he would try to help us.

My aunt brought us back home and I fixed up a warm bed in the garage for Cookie. I actually slept in that garage with him for several nights in a row...ultimately, Cookie responded quite well to the meds and did recover...I will never forget that experience. Although I am sure that there were a dozen things my aunt would rather have been doing that snowy winter afternoon, she was there for me. She knew that this poor little cat meant the world to me...and so she braved a bad storm and her fears of driving in such awful weather to take us to get help.

It's this kind of memory that keeps me going as I have faced many challenges to get my aunt to safety over the past six months. She was there for me. It's now my turn to be there for her.

A very special find...

2012-02-14T03:55:00.000-05:00

Last week after the neighborhood thug's hearing, my dad and I ran by my aunt's house just to make sure everything was okay. I had not been there since before Thanksgiving so...I was worried. Thankfully, all was well. Walking into the house was quite eery...I will never get used to being there without her...I have so many memories of being there with her and she took such great pride in her home...it simply feels as though we are invading her privacy.

As I walk from room to room, memories come back to me that I haven't thought of in years...such as spending several days with her for the 4th of July holiday in 1976. I can remember watching some sort of parade on television in "my" room...which was her spare bedroom. It was a bright sunny summer day with so much excitement about the bicentennial celebration. Jean had only lived in the house for 3 years at that time...it still seemed so new to me.

And now...she will never darken its doors again. It's sad and hard and awful...all rolled into one gigantic hurt for her in my heart...if that makes any sense at all.

I'm now realizing how much Jean taught me and how so many of her interests are now my interests, too...among them is gardening. So many of her neighbors have commented to me about how much they miss seeing her working in her yard, tending to her flowers. She would work painstakingly for many hours on her beloved flowers...especially on the weekends. Everything had to be just perfect and, as a result of all of her hard work...her yard was beautiful...always...even in the dead of WV bitter cold winters...her yard was lovely.

As I was checking that everything was okay in her basement, two little bottles caught my eye. Her laundry room is downstairs...it's huge! Half of the room is devoted to laundry, but the other half is all of her gardening tools and supplies. Sitting on the worktable, almost as though she had just placed them there for me to find, were these two bottles of seeds.

(Click to enlarge photo.)

One bottle had no label. I believe these are zinnias (my favorite summer flower!), but I could be wrong. The other bottle is labeled "Purple Morning Glory Seeds 2005". The seeds in both bottles are old but...I can think of nothing cooler than to plant them both to bring a little bit of my aunt into my garden this year. These flowers must've done particularly well in her yard or she wouldn't have saved them so...my fingers are crossed that they will still produce...even though they are old...

I have never grown morning glories...I've already done the research to know exactly how to get them started in the spring...I can hardly wait! And, if they do well in my yard, I will do just as my aunt taught me...I'll harvest their seeds in the autumn and keep them in my yard for years to come.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-14T03:20:00.000-05:00

My view of the world today...at 3:00 pm

2012-02-13T15:05:00.000-05:00

Having a typical Monday...all I can say is...thank God for

Diet Coke!

Valentine's Day memories

2012-02-12T08:16:00.000-05:00

Thinking about Valentine's Day this morning...I can remember so vividly my mom making sure my dad picked up a box of Valentines for me to fix up for my classmates...Oh how I loved getting those little cards and compiling my list of friends...fixing up each little tiny card...signing my name and then putting their names on the envelopes. Our teacher would always have a decorated box with a slot in the top to drop in our little Valentines...and then we'd have a Valentine's Day party, complete with cupcakes that homeroom mother's had made and the passing out of everyone's Valentines.

I was always so proud that my mom was a homeroom mother. She didn't drive and I have no recall as to how she would get to the school but...she always found a way to be there for every single holiday party...she would bring cupcakes and help us with games. I think that's where my absolute addiction to cupcakes came from...I would much rather have a sweet little serving of cake in a tiny little paper cup than a slice of cake any ol' day. It just tastes better to me...full of sweet, chocolatey...memories...

So, today I'm going to try my hand at making these:

Photo courtesy of Skip To My Lou Blog

After Christmas, I bought a couple of boxes of candy canes...these little hearts are quick and easy to make...and should make for a festive treat that will bring back many memories!

And now...the rest of the story...

2012-02-11T22:08:00.000-05:00

And so, this event-filled week has finally come and gone. It feels as though lately that every week has some dreaded, frustrating event in it. This particular week had us facing a probable cause hearing for my aunt's 30 year old next door neighbor for the theft of thousands and thousands of dollars from her bank account. He accomplished this horrific crime by filling her with fear...telling her that people were stealing from her, especially her family, and that the only way to protect her money was to close her bank account, open a new one and he would help her manage it. You see, this worked because my aunt suffers from Alzheimer's disease. She is in a constant state of confusion and fear.

The neighbor was arrested on Monday, January 30th. He was cocky and arrogant during his initial interrogation by the detectives. He was read his rights and told that he most definitely did not have to talk without legal counsel in the room. With a puffed up chest his response was "I don't need an attorney...I am happy to talk with you...yes, I took the money. I bought groceries for her and she told me I could access her funds at any time and buy anything I wanted...she has put me in her will..." One little problem in his story...My aunt moved into assisted living a hour away on October 8th. He had been withdrawing up to $500/day from her account in October, November, December and the first part of January. His dad is an attorney for coal companies and sent two dumbass goons to bail his sorry ass out of jail. A $30K bond was set for his release and the probable cause hearing was scheduled for Wednesday, February 8th.

I will add his name back in as soon as he is a "convicted felon".

Words cannot describe how out of my mind nervous I was...it takes a lot to intimidate me...but I just don't do well when I feel as though I'm being put on the defensive...I don't think quickly enough and forget half of what I want to say...my emotions take over and I just can't get words out...my old days of stuttering (yes, I used to stutter...was in speech therapy for a long time as a kid in elementary school) come rushing back and I just get so frustrated I can't get ANY words out.

Having never had an encounter with the criminal legal process, I really didn't know what to expect. When we got to the courthouse annex, after walking through security, we entered a large waiting room...a waiting room with criminals and victims intermixed...totally freaked me out. I sat next to a woman who started making small talk...she told me she was there to support her sister who had simply "made a mistake"...about that time I saw my thug walk in with two tall slimy looking men in really bad suits. Although I have never met this punk, I knew it was him because I had seen his mug shot and the bank's surveillance camera photos. He was the picture of innocence...a pious looking man...dress slacks, shirt and tie and bright blue slicker. The two ambulance chasing attorneys went into an office and left him there. He had no idea that I was sitting across from him and had an incredible urge to pick up a heavy, blunt object and beat him into unconsciousness.

In about 5 minutes, a man in a suit came out of the same office the attorneys had gone into. He called my name. It was the lead detective in the case. He took my dad and I into an empty courtroom. He asked, "Miss Graves, what do you hope to accomplish in this case?" "That's easy," I said. "I want full restitution of my aunt's money and I want meaningful punishment. I want to do whatever I can to prevent another family...another senior from going through this." I saw a slight smile on the detective's case. "Let me guess," I said. "They want to cut a deal, right?" "Yes," he said. "They have said that his behavior was motivated by drugs...he is currently in intense detox for addiction to methadone and will be going to rehab voluntarily. They are prepared to write you a check today for the full amount in return for the state reducing the charges from 39 felonies to 39 misdemeanors only." Punk boy has a total of 39 felony charges and 39 misdemeanors against him in this case.

I had a very simple response. "HELL NO!" I simply cannot believe the gall...they were basically saying "we'll give you your silly money back and we'll let the state slap our little punk's hand and then we'll forget about this and walk away"...Not in a million years, dude. I don't care if he's addicted to drugs...don't care if he was feeding starving children in Africa...I also do not care if he scores the purest hit of heroin available and OD's in the middle of the street...he's just not going to do it on my aunt's dime.

So, the detective went back and told them to forget it. As a result, they realized that they couldn't bully the detective, the state or ME so...they waived their right to a probable cause hearing...which is just step one. At a probable cause hearing, the prosecuting attorney presents the crime that was committed, indicates who he/she believes did it and presents the evidence. The judge then says yes/no that the person probably did it. If probable cause is found, the case then goes to the grand jury. The grand jury then decides whether to indict or not. If indicted, the case then goes to full trial. As a result of waiving their right to a probable cause hearing, it automatically defaults to the next step...a trip to the grand jury.

On Friday I received an email from the lead detective...he had just been notified by the prosecutor that they had offered the punk a plea deal...quite honestly, it's not really a deal...there are no good choices for him. The state has offered to condense all the felony charges into one felony charge if he pays full restitution and pleads guilty...once you're a convicted felon, it doesn't matter if it's 39 charges or 1...you're screwed either way. If he pleads guilty he will automatically be a convicted felon and we will move to the sentencing phase immediately...with an appearance before the sentencing judge. If he chooses to not plead guilty, he will be charged with all 78 felonies/misdemeanors and the process will move forward with a trip before the grand jury and a trial. The outcome will be the same...he will be found guilty. They have him on tape saying that he did take the funds. Regardless of what he opts to do, I will get to appear before the sentencing judge and allowed to make a victim's impact statement. I have already started drafting it...I will do everything within my power to make it compelling and will request this idiot be imprisoned.

Why prison? Well...he is a spoiled rich kid. He is a 30 year old adult who has never had a real job. Daddy has bought him a house, cars, clothes, etc...being a convicted felon is not really a big deal to him...he doesn't have to worry about trying to get a job so the felon designation won't hurt him there. He more than likely doesn't worry about voting...and holding public office? Give me a break...that would be work. There's no real motivation for behavior change. He needs to learn the concept of "consequence"...every decision has consequences and we all have to learn to deal with them. He has never had to worry about consequences...daddy has taken care of all of that for him. So...let's give him a rude awakening into what the real world is like...the inconvenience of a consequence that daddy can't control for the pretty boy.

I expect to hear whether or not he will be entering a guilty plea sometime this coming week...I must say...I know far too much about the legal system now...know too much about criminals...and...I'm really ready for this to be all behind us.