Feeding the Soil

Stopping at Two Children

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 21 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I know I might not sound like a reliable source when I say that Matt and I are done after two children, since we used to think we only wanted one child and then switched our minds. But, really, I think we mean it this time.

There are many reasons why two--not three--children make sense for us. First, I think we're going to be at capacity with two children. With each passing day as Henry becomes more verbal, more interactive, and more independent, Matt and I find that our joy is increasing exponentially. We anticipate that welcoming another infant into our lives (although we are over-the moon with gratitude) will re-introduce a lot of challenge back into our lives. Of course we will accept that challenge as part and parcel of expanding one's family, but we're not eager to repeat it a third time. We're excited to have another little walking, talking human being who expresses his personality through jokes, questions, preferences, and comments. We're eager to play board games and do science experiments and undertake sewing projects together. It's already scary enough thinking about shifting the ratio of adults to children from 2:1 to 2:2 or--frequently--1:2.

There are also financial considerations for us. Matt and I both work in the non-profit world, but we want to have plenty of money for traveling, turning our home into a sanctuary, eating out, and sending our children through college without the burden of debt.

There are philosophical and environmental considerations like not contributing to population growth and not wanting to need a bigger car or a bigger house to comfortably fit everyone.

There are physical considerations, like the fact that I'm already 35 (although my mother had my brother when she was 38), and I'm eager to have my own body back. I was pregnant with Henry for 9 months + breastfed him for 14 months + got pregnant right away for another two or so months + suffered a miscarriage + had three months to myself + got pregnant again. I've got another 1.5 months of pregnancy to go, an impending labor, and at least a year of breastfeeding. Of course all of this is worth it to bring life into the world (and I constantly count my lucky stars that I've been able to get pregnant three times), but I'm eager to reclaim my body. I want to run again, fit into regular clothes, be able to eat fried foods occasionally (when I'm pregnant, I suffer from choleostasis and have to be super-gentle on my liver), and sleep on my back (or stomach!).

Again, I don't mean to sound like these minor inconveniences aren't worth the privilege and opportunity to bring a person into the world and provide the kind of nurturing environment and love that helps them unfold into their enormous potential. It's just that going through it twice (three times, if you count the miscarriage) feels right for me.

I also have other things that I want to give birth to in this world, like a network of public Montessori schools and more books.

I was shocked when my midwife said that many of her clients end up back in her office, accidentally pregnant with their third children. Matt and I definitely don't want that to happen to us. Right now we're exploring vasectomy as a non-hormonal, permanent form of birth control. We wouldn't be able to afford it until after my maternity leave is over and I'm back at work, but it's definitely something we're considering.

I want to reiterate that all of our reasons for stopping at two are not judgments against families who stop at one or continue to five or opt not to have children in the first place. I also want to acknowledge how difficult it must be to read posts like this if you're struggling with fertility or miscarriage or are working really hard to adopt.

There are times (like when I'm reading Soule Mama) when I idealize a larger family. But at the end of the day, we have to be honest with ourselves about what we want and what makes sense for us.

Homemade Popsicles!

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 20 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I saw popsicle molds at Whole Foods the other day and was inspired to make some for Henry this summer. Instead of purchasing a mold on the spot, I did an Amazon search to find the most inexpensive one I could. Besides the awesomeness of only costing $6.41, the mold also seems to make smaller popsicles, which will be perfect for a toddler.

I was even more elated when I realized that I can make and freeze green smoothie popsicles for Henry. Since Matt makes Henry's breakfast in the morning (which is currently oatmeal), Henry doesn't regularly drink green smoothies anymore. I'd love for him to have a daily dose of spinach. I think these popsicles will be the perfect way to fit it in. For those of you who haven't seen my green smoothie before, here it is:

Enough orange juice to help the blender run smoothly (we use calcium-fortified)
Greek yogurt (we made the switch a while back for the increased protein)
Frozen mango and strawberries (although anything will work!)
1/2 a banana
Lots of spinach!

I think these will make the perfect snack or after-dinner treat!

Recipe for "Laborade"

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 15 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Today marks the start of my 34th week of pregnancy! Can you believe it? It's been a simultaneously long year (with the miscarriage and then another pregnancy three months later) and a simultaneously incredibly fast pregnancy.

It's time to make sure we're prepared for our impending home birth (fingers crossed!). We transferred to the hospital for Pitocin after laboring at home for 40 hours with Henry. We'll see what happens this time.

I've been going through the handbook provided by the midwives. I have quite a few supplies to purchase at Goodwill.

I also need to gather the ingredients for "Laborade," which is a homemade electrolyte drink for labor. Here's the recipe:

1 cup freshly squeezed lemon
6 T liquid calcium/magnesium (Tropical Island or Bluebonnet brand)
2/3 cup agave nectar
1/2 t salt

Mix all ingredients to make a concentrate and store in the refrigerator. Add 1/4 c concentrate to 1 cup water--adjust to taste.

Baby Routines

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 14 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Oh, I can only begin to imagine the controversy that this post will inspire! There are many people who think I'm a bad mother because of my penchant for routine. They think that I try to control every aspect of Henry's life and get him to fit within a neat little box.

But I want to write this post anyway because each of us needs to figure out what makes sense to us and our families. The more we share information with each other, the more we can expose ourselves to different ideas. We can sift and sort through them to uncover what resonates with us.

I still remember the first three weeks of life with Henry. My guess is that new babies are even harder for folks like me with more Type-A personalities. I remember reaching out desperately to two friends who had trodden the mother path before me. One of them introduced me to the book On Becoming Babywise. It revolutionized my understanding of how to structure my day with Henry: feed, engage in a little activity, sleep (repeat every 2-3 hours). That rhythm worked perfectly to meet Henry's needs. It was so much easier to meet his needs when I had a clue about what he might need at a given time. After I breastfed him, I would give him some play time, but I would watch for signs of drowsiness. Since he took so long to eat, his awake time was actually pretty limited. Then I would help him fall asleep. Without reading this book, I most likely would have reversed the sequence and breastfed him to sleep (which wouldn't have been bad, per se; it just might have made it more difficult to help him learn how to put himself to sleep later on).

Even though establishing a routine can feel very parent-centered, I think it can actually be done in a very child-centered way. Our routine changed every couple months, based on what Henry needed as he grew. We never followed any of the books exactly because we did what worked for Henry, but the books were still very helpful to us. They functioned as a starting place for helping us decipher exactly what Henry might need at a given time and structuring our time together to meet his needs.

As we gear up to expand our family, I wanted to revisit some of the books that proved helpful to me with Henry. Of course every baby is different, but I'm eager to try out many of the same strategies again. Having a routine with Henry allowed me to take a shower every day, write an entire book, go out to eat as a family, etc. I also think it helped Henry's temperament.

I know it's going to be even harder to implement a rhythm to the day with a second child. For example, I'll need to pick Henry up from school every day at 2:45, no matter what the baby needs at that moment. But I think the predictability will be even more important. It will allow us to more easily carve out one-on-one time with Henry, get more rest in order to be more patient as we try to juggle our expanding family, and help us feel slightly more settled and grounded amid the inherent chaos (Matt and I both feel better within a structure).

We'll see what happens!

To refresh my memory about routines for infants, I went to four sources: advice from our pediatrician, The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, On Becoming Baby Wise, and Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child. I wanted to share the bullet points with anyone who's interested. I found that it was difficult to summarize and organize the information from each book. Although there were naturally inconsistencies from book to book (which is absolutely to be expected), I also found inconsistencies within the books.

Still, I pulled out as much information as possible, so that we can reference these various approaches for ideas when we're in the trenches and trying to figure out what our baby needs:

Advice from Pediatrician

At two months, babies should be able to sleep 6 hours without eating in the night. At four months, they should go 8-10 hours, and at six months they should go 10-12.
Don't start any sleep training before 4 months, but finish it by 6 months.

The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems
Birth to Four Months

7:00 = Eat
8:15 = Nap
10:00 = Feed
11:15 = Nap
1:00 = Feed
2:15 = Nap
4:00 = Eat
5:15 = Short Nap
6:00 = Eat
7:30 = Short Nap
8:00 = Feed and then bed
10-11 = Feed

Four-Six Months

7:00 = Eat
9:00 = 1.5 - 2 hour nap
11:00 = Eat
1:00 = 1 1/2 - 2 hour nap
3:00 = Eat
Between 5-6 = Short Nap
7:00 = Eat
7:30 = Bedtime
11:00 = Feed (until 7 or 8 months when solid food is firmly established)

Six-Nine Months

7:00 = Breastfeed
9 or 9:30 = Morning Nap
11:15 = Breastfeed
1 = Solid food
2 or 2:30 = Afternoon Nap
4 = Breastfeed
5:30 or 6 = Solid Food
7 = Bath, breastfeed, book, bed

After Nine Months

Five hours between feeds
Eating three meals a day
Two snacks
Around 18 months, one afternoon nap a day

On Becoming Baby Wise

2 weeks - 4 weeks

Feed every 2.5-3 hours
Activity
Sleep
(Average 8-10 feedings in a 24-hour period)
Wake baby around the 3-hour mark during the day to stabilize digestion, maintain lactation, and help the baby organize their sleep patterns
Early morning
Midmorning
Afternoon
Midafternoon
Late afternoon
Early evening
Late evening
Middle of the night

5 weeks - 8 weeks

Feed every 2.5-3.5
Set a time for the "first feeding" of the day
Consider feeding closer together (~2 hours) for the last feeding of the night
~8 feedings a day (one in the middle of the night)
At the end of this phase, may average 7 feedings (often dropping the middle of the night feeding)

9 weeks - 15 weeks

Bedtime gets adjusted closer to the early-evening feeding
Weeks 12-15: Transition to 3-4 hour increments
By the end of the 13th week, baby can average 5-7 feedings a day
3-5 months = 3 daytime naps (1.5-2 hours)

16 weeks - 24 weeks

Baby usually introduced to solid foods
Breastfeed 4-6 times a day
By 24 weeks, mealtimes usually line up with the rest of the family (i.e., solids at breakfast, lunch, and dinner)
Nurse first and then offer solids
6-16 months = 2 naps (1.5-2 hours)

25 weeks - 52 weeks

Two naps (1.5-2.5 hours)
4-5 nursing periods

16 months +

Morning nap is dropped

Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child

The First Week

Feed the baby whenever hungry and let sleep when s/he needs to sleep

2 weeks - 4 weeks

Do not expect a scheduled baby because the baby's needs for food, cuddling, and sleeping occur erratically and unpredictably

5 weeks - 6 weeks

Sleeps 5-6 hours through the night

6 weeks - 8 weeks

Sleep training may work for babies with an easy temperament

8 weeks - 16 weeks

Works for babies with common fussiness/crying

3 months - 4 months

Morning nap starts between 9 and 10am

4 months

6-8 pm = bedtime
Sleep training will now work for babies who had extreme fussiness/crying
7am = Wake up
9am = Nap
1pm = Nap
3rd nap varioes
6-8pm = Bedtime

5 months - 8 months

Afternoon nap around 12-2pm
Late afternoon nap from 3-5pm

9 months

Late afternoon nap disappears

Bathroom Tile

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

One of the nice things about the builder we chose for our house is that the company is a one-stop shop from real estate to architecture to construction. Of course there are definite drawbacks to this set-up (for example, I met with another architect who argued that it was better to separate out the architecture from the construction), but Matt and I have appreciated the simplicity of the process.

Part of their process includes limiting our choices (which I sometimes appreciate and sometimes feel constricted by). For example, we had a choice between two bathtubs, two types of faucets, two types of pendant lights, etc.

When it comes to bathroom tile, there are only two colors we like out of the handful of choices: a cream and a "light" gray, which is actually very dark (see photo above of a comparable tile).

At first, I was completely set on the cream title because I like spaces to feel light and airy. Then the architect came back with the argument that the cream would feel dingy against the white subway tile we'll have in the shower and the bathtub. When Matt and I went to the house this weekend, we laid the cream title next to the bright-white tub, and the cream actually looked like a nice light gray. Matt and I decided we would like to keep the space light with the cream tile.

But then a quick Pinterest search led to the photo above. The contrast is actually nice (although our cabinets will be birch, not white). And now I'm torn.

Does anyone have thoughts about cream tile versus dark gray? Will light-colored dog hair be more obvious on the dark gray? Or will dark gray mask more dirt and actually look better between cleanings? Will we be able to brighten up the dark gray with rugs and accents or will it look dark and distracting when you walk in the front door and can see into the guest bathroom?

Of course these concerns are quite trivial, but I'd like to feel good about the decision since we're settling into this house for the long haul.

Thank you in advance for any insight you're able to share!

Image courtesy of Better Homes and Gardens

Reflection & Rejuvenation: May

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Thu, 09 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Hello, May! Welcome!

Only two months left until we welcome a sweet little one into our family. My, how time is flying! As I mentioned in last month's reflection, I thought the four months between turning in the charter application and having a baby would be calm and quiet. No way! Our non-profit organization is now under contract for nine acres of land for the school. April, like March, has been spent learning as much as I can about development: conducting a feasibility study, meeting with civil engineers to create a site plan, hiring an architect for schematic design, understanding zoning issues and city ordinances--the list goes on!

I am ecstatic about the property we found. Nine acres will provide a beautiful, natural environment for children to learn within. There are two city bus stops right by, and the lot is located in a diverse area, which will help us better achieve our goals related to fostering a racially, culturally, and socio-economically diverse community of learners. It's also within walking distance to a new 7-mile trail that the city is building on the east side.

Plus, our new house is only five minutes away! I promise I didn't push for this property because of its proximity to my house. Quite the opposite. First, I worked with various organizations and individuals to understand the demographics of poverty in Austin. Then we created a target geographic area for our facility search, based on the demographics. More than a year ago, I started doing home visits with families living within our target geographic area. After several visits in the same neighborhood, I asked my realtor to do a property search for our personal home, and that's when we discovered a relatively inexpensive 1/2-acre of land, adjacent to a creek, on a cul-de-sac. When it came time to search for land for the school, we used the boundaries of our target geographic area and found nine acres just outside our target triangle. Amazingly, the land is very reasonably priced. The plan is to house the school in portable buildings for three years while we conduct a capital campaign and seek the financing we need to begin construction on a permanent facility.

There's still a ton that can go wrong at this point, so I'm definitely not counting my chickens, but I'm very optimistic and excited about how this process is unfolding.

In other news, I've been feeling so much better since I started walking for an hour at least three to four times a week and going to prenatal yoga regularly. With Henry, I walked nearly every day and went to yoga once a week, and I honestly think it helped me avoid so many common pregnancy symptoms. Walking just seems to tighten up all of the muscles that get so loose in pregnancy. My back feels so much better, and other muscles aren't nearly as achy.

As far as what I wanted to accomplish this month, I did a much better job. Instead of just listing the goals here, I transferred them to my weekly action plan, which meant that I read over them every single week. It helped me keep them at the forefront of my mind.

Here's how I did:

Update our scrapbook: Yes! This process took forever because I hadn't done it in a while, but it's finally done!
Organize the garage in preparation for moving: No. I want to work on this one with Matt, and we had trouble finding time over the course of a weekend to do it. Maybe this month we should work on it one evening after Henry goes to bed.
Plan our baby shower: Yes!
Organize our closet in preparation for moving: No, see Point #2 above.
Finalize Henry's baby binder: Yes!
Make a binder for the new baby: Yes!
Finalize summer daycare: Yes!
Read Barbara Kingsolver's new book: I tried, but I couldn't get into it. I read all of Active Birth (recommend it!) and some of The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (also recommend it!).

And on the docket for this month?

Enjoy quality family time at my cousin's wedding in North Carolina (on the Outer Banks)
Get all the surveys done on the land for the school, in addition to contracting with an architect and a civil engineer
Make significant headway on additional fundraising for the land
Get prepared for our home birth by following all of the steps laid out by our midwife
Work through the Hynobabies Self-Study Course to master some relaxation techniques in the upcoming months
Find a doula
Enjoy our little family of three!

Photo Courtesy of the Nikki McClure Calendar

Toddlerhood

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 07 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Two months past his second birthday, Henry still hasn't entered "The Terrible Two's." However, he is definitely growing in his desire to be independent, to follow his own pace, and to assert his will. There are several things that Matt and I implement proactively to support Henry at this stage:

We set up our home to facilitate independence. Henry can open the pantry to get out his plates for snack, access his own glasses and fill them up with water from the Britta inside the fridge, take out the cutting board/knife/whisk/wooden spoon/colander for helping with food preparation, move a stool over to the counter to reach the bananas first thing in the morning while Matt and I are still in bed, climb in and out of his carseat (and snap the buckle across his chest), carry his own bag to and from the car to school and home, climb in and out of his high chair, carry a snack to his weaning table and eat, etc.
We try our best to create wide open space and time for Henry. We devote a full hour from wake-up to departure for school every morning. It still feels a bit rushed at times, but, for the most part, we can slow down to Henry's pace. When I pick Henry up from school, I let him dictate how we spend our 2.5 hours together. Most days he likes to sit on the bench in front of his school to watch the construction work across the street, look for bugs on the way from our car to our house, help prepare snack, do a little dancing, and go to the park for a full hour.
We try to say "yes" as often as possible. We try to create a prepared environment that allows Henry a full range of exploration. I let him put golf balls in his mouth and even climb on the windowsill. That way, when we say "no," we really mean it. For example, when Henry gets too far away from me at the park, I can call out, "Henry, that's too far" and he will come closer.
We try to fit our lives around Henry's need for routine. On weekdays, we try our very best to be home in time for Henry's 6:30 bedtime. We'll definitely stay out late to attend potlucks or other special events, but, in general, we try to honor Henry's need to wind down and go to bed early. On the weekends, Henry really needs to nap at noon. Again, we try to honor that need as much as possible. We don't completely put our lives on hold for Henry, but we understand that these kind of restrictions won't last much longer, and Henry really is much happier when he's well-rested and fed.

I suspect that many of these proactive strategies help Henry to be the fun-loving, content, and curious boy that he is. Of course I have no way of knowing, since my "science experiment" only has one subject and no control group!

Sometimes, though, there is a need for reactive strategies. For example, if Henry is particularly tired and melting down, he might resort to hitting. When that happens, we tell him that we don't like to be hit and if he hits again he'll need to go to time-out until he's ready to be kind to others. Usually, he will hit again, and we will put him in his room. We leave his bedroom door open and tell him he can come out whenever he's ready to be kind.

The other struggle with have with Henry is that he sometimes doesn't listen to us when we ask him to do something. For example, when it's time to clear his plate after snack, he sometimes prefers to go straight to playing. For me, it's important that Henry understands that some things need to be done. In those moments, I now say, "Would you like to put your plate away yourself or would you like me to pick you up and we'll put it away together?" So far, Henry picks the first option every time. He wants to do things independently. I like that the expectation is clear that the plate needs to get put away but I also like that Henry has a choice about how it gets put away.

I use this strategy in other situations, too, such as:

When Henry wants to play in the car rather than get in his carseat: "Do you want to climb in yourself or do you want me to put you in?"
When Henry wants to look at a book rather than get dressed: "Do you want to put on your underwear yourself or do you want me to help you?"
When Henry wants to leave his tools outside rather than bring them in: "Do you want to get your tools yourself or do you want me to carry you outside to pick them up together?"

This discussion is reminding me that I need to learn more about handling interactions with toddlers in ways that cultivate the foundation for self-discipline and self-management, while also ensuring that there are boundaries and consistency in our lives. If you have any book recommendations, please let me know!

Update on Toilet Learning

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 06 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

We've been following the Montessori approach to toilet learning for quite some time now. At 26 months, Henry pretty much only wears thick cotton underwear (the ones from Hannah Anderson are better about containing urine, but we now use the ones from Target because they are less expensive and not so tight). He just recently told us for the first time that he needed to pee in the toilet. Mainly, we ask him to use the toilet every 1.5-2 hours, and that strategy works to keep him mostly accident-free.

When we leave the house, we ask him to pee right before we get in the car. We usually bring his little toilet with us because he prefers to pee in it rather than use the toilet seat we bought or the real toilet. He now prefers to pee standing up while leaning both his hands against the wall.

Henry still doesn't poop in the toilet, but his thick cotton underwear usually prevent it from coming out the sides.

We've definitely had ups and downs throughout the process (and it doesn't feel like we're close to being done with it!). We tried Elimination Communication on and off for a long time. In retrospect, I found the process to be mostly a waste of time (for us). Although we were able to catch several poops and pees, Henry went through a lengthy phase when he refused to sit on the toilet at all. It didn't seem like the process of sitting him on the toilet as an infant made him more comfortable with the concept as a toddler.

I am 99% certain that if we resorted to some kind of extrinsic reward system (mainly candy) to bribe Henry to use the toilet, this process would have been complete a long time ago. As tempting as it's been, we've resisted it so far because extrinsic rewards are not incorporated into the Montessori approach. We want him to learn to use the toilet because that's what humans do, not because he's going to get a treat.

We just started letting Henry sleep in his underwear (for naps and at night). He's been begging us, and we've been resisting because of laziness. So, every night as he's falling asleep, Henry takes off his pajama pants, takes off his diaper, puts his pajama pants back on, and gets back underneath his comforter. We finally decided to listen to what he's trying to tell us (both with his words and actions!).

The first time we let him sleep in underwear, he pooped the bed within the first 15 minutes! Luckily, Matt had double-layered the bed (waterproof pad + fitted sheet + waterproof pad + fitted sheet). It was very easy to strip the bed, get him cleaned up, and put him back to bed.

The night toileting seems to be hit or miss. Some mornings he wakes up dry; other nights he pees a couple times (and wakes up). Some nights, he pees once but sleeps through it (and we change him when we're checking on him). We'll just keep at it with patience!

Ball of Joy Baby Shower

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 01 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

When I was pregnant with Henry, Matt and I planned our own "baby shower." I put the phrase in quotes because we didn't follow any of the conventions. A) We hosted it ourselves. B) It was co-ed. C) We had it at a bowling alley. D) We didn't open presents.

I'd like to continue the tradition of hosting a pre-baby party to bring together our nearest and dearest. It's fun to congregate to honor and celebrate the new life that is about to enrich our family.

Since this baby will join us in the summer, I immediately thought about having some kind of gathering near the water. And that's when the idea hit me: Instead of painting my belly like a bowling ball like I did for Henry's party, I can paint my belly like a beach ball (it's the small things that make me smile!).

We'll be hosting it at a free public pool in Austin, so we decided to have it in the morning to avoid peek hours. Fortunately, the pool will let us bring in food, so we can provide some light snacks.

Here's what I'm thinking:

Fruit kabobs
Hummus, pita chips, and vegetables
Chips and homemade guacamole
Muffins
Mimosas
Juice & Sparkling Water

I'd also like to do something to acknowledge and thank the folks who come. Perhaps we could pass out little bags of goldfish crackers that say something like: "Thank you for coming to swim with us today! We're so glad you're in our lives. Thank you for being part of our 'school' of support."

Okay, it's a little over-the-top cheesy, but it might be cute nonetheless.

From Inspiration to Action

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I often marvel at what an amazing historical period we're living in. Any time I have the inkling of an idea, I can google it and read all about how it's already been implemented at least 25 times with step-by-step tutorials and can then pin images left and right to remind myself of the project I want to undertake.

But while having that kind of technology at our fingertips makes it easier to undertake new projects, it simultaneously provides a whole new level of procrastination--"productive procrastination," if you will. It's so easy to feel like all that reading and pinning is productive work, but really, at the end of the day, I'm still sitting on my butt in front of the computer.

Case in point: I just spent a whole 30 minutes scrolling through Kylie's blog. I am in complete and utter awe of the experiences she provides for her children on a daily basis.

But I don't want to stop there. I want to figure out exactly what it is about Kylie's parenting that I want to replicate and identify ways to get off my butt and make it happen.

So what exactly left me feeling inspired? I love the way Kylie creates a truly comprehensive Montessori experience for her children at home--everything from the beauty of the environment to the rotation of stimulating activities to excursions into nature to baking to other practical life activities.

How can I follow her lead and create more of a Montessori experience in our home?

Make sure I click over to her Activity/Photo of the Day feature every time I read a regular blog post of hers. There's so much inspiration in there! As a side note, Kylie, how do you feel about posting that content in the main section of your blog so that no one misses anything? Pretty please?
Read through the archives of her blog and make a list of things I want to do each month. Although Otis and Henry are the same age (so convenient!), Caspar is three years older and my new baby will be two years younger. Making a list of various activities/experiences at different ages will be very helpful for me. As I read new blog posts, I can continue to add ideas to the list.
I can start writing one post a week about what we're doing in our Montessori home. Documenting and sharing our experiences might be the inspiration I need to do even more.

A High Chair for Independence

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I'm so glad that Matt and I invested in the Tripp Trapp high chair for Henry. It's recommended within the Montessori community because it facilitates and supports a child's independence. From a young age, they can begin climbing in and out of it independently. It also slides right up to the table to help the child feel like part of the family. The chair grows with the child and can be used for many years (since children are too short to sit comfortably in a regular chair for quite a while).

As we prepare to welcome a new baby into our family, I've been thinking about the high chair situation. If we tried to move Henry into a booster seat, I feared that he wouldn't be able to climb up and down independently.

I had resolved myself to adding yet another expensive Tripp Trapp to our baby registry.

Then we spent the weekend eating out with Matt's parents, and I watched Henry climb in and out of those wooden restaurant high chairs with complete confidence, grace, and stability. I was reminded by my friend Kelly's idea to take the bar off the restaurant-style high chair. Brilliant!

I managed to locate one on Craigslist for $20. Now Henry can use the bar-less restaurant-style high chair and the new baby can inherent the Tripp Trapp when he's around six months-old. The only downside to the new high chair is that it's not as stable as the Tripp Trapp. Henry could surely push himself backwards by kicking off the table hard enough. It's not a deal breaker; it just means we need to be even more vigilant with supervision when he's in it.

Brainstorming: A Montessori Bedroom

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Henry's Montessori bedroom changed a lot during the first year of his life when he went from lying on a movement mat watching mobiles to pulling himself up on furniture and low shelves. When he turned one, we moved to Austin and his room became even more simple (primarily since we moved into a bigger house and we didn't need his bedroom to serve so many different functions). It honestly hasn't changed very much from 1-2, except that we recently traded out his crib mattress floor bed for a twin-sized mattress with a duvet cover.

As we prepare to move into a new house, I'm rethinking his bedroom and wondering how to set it up to meet his growing needs. This article from The Montessori Foundation had a couple good ideas, such as:

Incorporating an area for Henry to select and play his own music (I'm debating between a CD player and an MP3 player)
A nature corner for Henry to collect and display things he collects outside
An area for Henry to produce and display artwork (although I'm wondering if it would be better to put his easel in a more common area, since he'll want to be out with the rest of us)

The other complication is that Henry and his brother will likely share a room, once the baby is sleeping through the night. This means the room will have to accommodate an infant as well as a growing toddler.

Here are the main components I want to be sure to include:

An area for sleeping. Since Henry likes to snuggle into the corner (i.e., where the two walls come together), there's really only one place where his bed can go in his new room. Once the baby is old enough to join him, I wonder if we should build some type of loft bed and keep the baby's twin mattress on the floor. A loft bed would be less bulky than bunk beds, and it would keep the baby low to the ground on the bottom.
An area for dressing. Henry's closet will have shelves that he can reach, so he can dress himself, but we should also have a mirror, so he can see how he looks. I like the way Otis's room is set up with a little table, brush, and handkerchief.
A reading nook. This might just be Henry's bed on the floor since we're always so comfortable reading there. But we'll need a way to organize his books.
An area for toys. Honestly, we make space for Henry's toys all around the house, so he doesn't actually need that much space in his room for toys.

I think we'll keep the art/writing/crafting area out of his room, since we'll also have a guest/craft room. Although perhaps we should at least have a small table and chairs?

Stocking Up & Hunkering Down: Preparing for a Second Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Our little family of three (well, six if you count our bloodhound and chickens) is in the final stretch before a cascade of changes sweeps through our lives. Honestly, I haven't thought enough about preparing for the transition this time around. My thoughts are consumed with purchasing land and undertaking site development for Austin's first public Montessori school. (Note to Self: Think more about the transition to second babyhood!).

The one thing I have thought about is meals. We won't be able to afford take-out like we did post-Henry. It's imperative that we set ourselves up to prepare meals at home, even amid the stress of a new baby.

A couple weekends ago, I started brainstorming our easiest meals and identifying which parts of them could be prepared in advance and frozen (the process ultimately inspired me to create our new meal planning process!). For example, one of our easiest meals is rice and beans with mango and scallions. It would be simple to cook the rice (in a huge batch!), cut up the mangoes and scallions, and freeze everything. Then the night before, we could put everything in the refrigerator to defrost, start heating everything 20 minutes prior to dinner, and add a can of beans.

I worked really hard to come up with 20 meals--five meals a week for an entire month (we can continue to splurge on take-out two nights a week). Here's what I came up with (the underlined parts are components that we can prepare and freeze in the weeks leading up to the birth):

Rice & Beans with Mango & Scallions
Pasta w/Vegetables
Grilled Cheese w/Premade Soup
Lebanese Soup
Quesadillas with Frozen Vegetables
Pizza with Mushrooms, Red Pepper, and Onion
Vegetarian Chili (all in cans) with Shredded Cheese
Veggie Burgers with Sweet Potato Fries
Black Bean and Yam Quesadillas
Chickpeas with Spinach + Rice
Spinach, Artichoke, and Sundried Tomato Pasta
Tamales (Pre-made from Whole Foods)
Vegetarian Lasagna
Vegetarian Enchiladas
Feta and Spinach Rolls
Roasted Vegetables & Chickpeas with Quinoa
Tomato and Chickpea Pasta
Pasta with Lentils and Vegetables
Macaroni and Cheese
Feta, Tomato, and Pesto Pasta

My mom and brother are coming for ten days to take care of us. Then our month of partly-pre-made meals can kick in. After that, I hope we'll be in a place where we can go grocery shopping (using the same list above).

What else do we need to do to prepare ourselves and our lives for the transition? I need to make sure this blog is taken care of. With my first pregnancy, I wrote tons of posts in advance and scheduled them to run. This time, I won't have time to do that. Perhaps I should do what we did for 2000 Dollar Wedding? Open it up to kindred spirits to write guest posts? It was so fun for me to read everyone's wisdom!

If you'd like to write a guest post to cover my maternity leave, please e-mail me with your topic idea. If it seems like a good fit, I will e-mail you the process for uploading your post. The deadline would be May 31st. Thank you in advance for any help you're able to provide!

I also want to re-read Baby Wise, as well as another scheduling book recommended by my friend, Maia.

I also need to do some mental preparation for the birth. Perhaps I'll re-read Birthing from Within, as well as the letter I wrote to myself to prepare for birth.

Of course there are all sorts of things to do around the house. I've already made lists of those things (I need to get off my computer and go do them!).

A Family Table

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

When I was an American Studies major in college, we talked a lot about artifacts and how they can give you insight into a particular culture--how people lived, what they valued, etc.

On a separate note, we talked a lot about materialism and how a consumeristic culture can falsely equate purchasing products with attaining happiness and contentment.

I carry this dualistic interpretation of objects with me, which may explain why I had to think long and hard before trying to convince Matt to splurge on a hand-crafted dining room table.

It started with a simple Craigslist search. We knew that we wanted to upgrade our cute $50-mid-century modern dining room table (also from Craigslist) to a larger table for our new house. We've had our current table for years, and we've put up with the fact that it only fits four people. Since we're still trying to conserve money, I tried hard to find something on Craigslist or at IKEA. I also researched a ton of DIY options, although all of them seemed beyond our skill level.

While browsing Craigslist, I came across a local furniture maker who combines reclaimed wood with more modern metal. His ad had four different dining room tables featured, one of which quickly became the object of my affection. Although I didn't love the way the steel base ran from one leg all the way across to the other side of the table, I loved the wooden top and the story behind it. It was a 100 year-old reclaimed pub table top from the Czech Republic.

I didn't spend too much time dwelling on the table because it didn't look large enough in the photo (we wanted a table for 8-10 people). Further, the price tags were astronomical for the artist's largest tables.

The table started to fuel my DIY ideas. I thought about buying butcher block from IKEA and attaching some metal legs from modernlegs.com. I figured a DIY table would cost way less. I struggled, however, because I couldn't figure out how long the table could be and still only be supported by a leg in each corner. I tried e-mailing two different experts to answer my question but never received any responses. I had scary visions of our boys trying to build a fort under the table and having it collapse on them (yes, I am insecure about our carpentry skills...).

Meanwhile, I kept going back to The Table. I stalked the artist on Facebook and realized that the table was actually 7.5 feet long. The more I thought about it, the more I realized 7.5 feet was the perfect length. Our kitchen island is going to be 10 feet long, and the island and the dining room table will run parallel to each other and be the first things you see when you walk into our main room. It seems like we would want them to be different sizes, so they don't create too much monotony (or something like that).

I e-mailed the artist to find out if the table was still available (the last Facebook update about it was in January) and to inquire about the exact cost. He responded to say that the table was still available and that it was actually half the cost of his normal tables!

The next day, I trekked to his studio/warehouse to look at the table in person. It was even more beautiful than the picture. The table top contains the marks of 100 years. There are scratches and notches and indentions. It's a table with character and history. It's a table just waiting to be invited into a family home for more scratches and notches and indentions.

I thought long and hard about the benefits versus the drawbacks of the table. On the negative side, the table cost three times as much as the large table we were considering from IKEA. If we went with the table from IKEA, we would have had $700+ remaining (which could be a road trip vacation!).

On the positive side, the table would be our first real splurge on a piece of furniture, and it would fit really well into our open-concept home. It would be a sturdy, low-stress piece of furniture (how much damage can little kids do to a pub table top that's already weathered the past 100 years?--knock on wood...).

But more than that, the table seemed to fit right into the kind of life we're working to create for ourselves. We went with an open floor plan for our house because we want a centralized place to congregate and connect. The 10-foot, waist-high island will provide ample space for multiple people to gather to help prepare the meal or to snack on appetizers and chat. The dining room table, just beyond the island, would be able to accommodate the spillover without any additional effort (such as putting in an extra leaf). And beyond that, we'll have even more room for spillover with the sectional couch. It will make spontaneous dinner parties easier and more natural.

And the large table will be able to fit science project boards and homework and art projects. It will withstand the daily use from a family of four who will try to make it a habit to gather daily for dinner to share our joys and frustrations and insights and questions from the day. It will be there on Saturday mornings when we wipe the sleep out of our eyes and gather around for make-your-own-pancakes on the electric griddle or waffles. It will be there when we want to host Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. It can host board meetings or board games. It can even be easily moved onto the deck on a cool evening when it feels too good outside to be anywhere else.

It's a table that will gather memories, just as it gathers new dings and dents. It's a table that will feel really lonely when the boys journey beyond our home for good, but it's also a table that will readily welcome them (and their expanding families) home.

As difficult as it was to fork over a lot of money for a table, it ended up feeling like a small price to pay for such an artifact. Matt and I don't splurge often on furniture. Most of our furniture is from IKEA or Craigslist and has traveled with us from Houston to Denver to Houston to Austin over the last eight years. The new furniture we plan to buy for our house (a king-sized bed, a sectional couch, and bar stools) will be from IKEA and Overstock.com. It also felt good to support a local artist and his family, and the price was actually about $600 less than a comparable-sized table at Crate & Barrel.

Before Matt and I go to bed each night, we turn to face each other for one final chat, and we inevitably end up talking about our house. We talk about how excited we'll be to have friends over for pizza and movie nights, how relaxing and comfortable our new space is going to be. I think about how much uncertainty I had about buying the land in the first place and how nervous I felt about the home building process. I fall asleep full of gratitude for my family and our health and the life we're living--and creating--for ourselves.

Rubbermaid Closets

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

It's unreal to be able to literally stand inside our house and get a sense of what it feels like. I'm surprised by how much I'm enjoying the building process. I never had the dream of building our own house; it just kind of worked out that way because of the particular neighborhood we wanted to live in (both in terms of affordability, diversity, and proximity to the school I'm trying to start) and our aesthetic preferences (we didn't want to renovate a ranch house, which is what the rest of the neighborhood is comprised of).

But now that we're building it, I'm thoroughly enjoying the process. We visit it at least 1-2 times a week, and it's amazing to watch the progress and imagine our future life there.

Try as I might, there's actually not that much that I can plan right now.

The one thing I can start planning, however, is the closets. The master closet is 13' long, the baby's closet is 9' long, and Henry's closet is 11' long. I considered different options in this post (and ultimately decided to go with IKEA), but now I'm leaning more toward the Rubbermaid closet system. I like the customability that will allow us to design a closet to our exact specifications for an affordable price.

I started by brainstorming everything I want to keep on my side of the closet (Matt is going to design his own side of the closet):

Hanging shirts
Hanging skirts
Hanging pans
Hanging dresses
A shoe rack
Cubbies for sweaters
A place for belts/scarves
Drawers for socks, underwear, bras, workout shorts/shirts/pants, and sundry items
Tabletop for jewelry (nice to have but not need to have)
Computer printer

Then I sketched out my ideal arrangement (I tried to use their online design tool, but I could never get it to work properly). I have no idea if this configuration will actually work, but I'll try to go to Lowe's and see what they have to say. I'll also plan to watch for sales or request a 10% off coupon directly from Lowe's.

Easy Meal Planning

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I finally figured out a meal planning system that works for our family!

And I get to cross off one item on My Organizational Vision! I'm ecstatic!

Okay, enough with the exclamation marks. But I'm seriously excited. I called all of my family members to tell them about it.

First, let me backtrack and explain why meal planning is for me (with the obvious caveat that it's not for everyone):

I do not particularly enjoy cooking. Although I wish I were more like this author who starts a pot of boiling water and then decides what to put in it, I have to be honest with myself and admit that I'm not. I also wish I were the kind of person who could trek to the farmers' market each Saturday or open a CSA delivery and base all of our meals around what's available. Again, if I'm honest with myself, I'm just not that person.
I'm the kind of person who thoroughly enjoys home-cooked meals and the process of coming together as a family each night, but I want the prep and the clean-up to be as efficient as possible. Matt and I work full-time and try to squeeze in time for exercise and relaxation. For some folks, cooking spontaneously is relaxing. Again, for us, it's not.
Meal planning helps us save money. Matt and I only buy what we will consume in the upcoming week. By the end of the weekend, our refrigerator and pantry are essentially empty. We waste very little food or money when we meal plan.

On the weekends, I want to spend my time reading, doing yoga, running, crafting, hanging out with friends, hiking, biking--the list goes on! (notice that meal planning and cooking are not on the list). Over the years, I've tried various systems for meal planning. I have a recipe binder that I've used to collect recipes over the years. If we like it, I clip it into the rings. If it's a recipe we want to try, I put it in the front pocket. I prefer to cook from a tangible recipe rather than my phone/computer, so this system has worked well for me.

The trick has been translating these recipes into a weekly shopping list. I didn't enjoy how much time it took to flip through each recipe and hand-write the shopping list. I often wouldn't write the shopping list out, which meant I would waste a lot of mental energy at the store trying to remember our five meals for the week and remember all the ingredients. Inevitably, this strategy resulted in one or two missed items or multiple trips back to various parts of the grocery store while I was shopping.

I was inspired by Meg at Sew Liberated to set up a seasonal menu that we rotate through each month. That's why I collaborated with others to create vegetarian Meals for a Year. It includes 12 different meal plans with corresponding shopping lists organized by meal and by section of the grocery store.

But I realized that monthly or seasonal meal planning doesn't work for me either. I find that my tastes vary from week to week, and I don't like being locked into a particular meal plan.

Back to square one.

I finally, finally think I've solved my meal planning dilemma (I imagine you hoped I've solved this problem for our family so I can stop talking about it!). I spent Saturday morning entering 20 of our favorite meals and their ingredients (organized by section of the grocery store) into an Excel document. Matt set up a filtering system that allows me to sit down on Sunday, click on the column of meals, select five meals for the week, and print a sheet that includes the names of the five meals and the ingredients I need for each week (again, organized by section of the grocery store). I made one row for our weekly staples, so I'll always be sure to include that one.

Master sheet with drop down menu

Final shopping list with the selected meals + standard list

Printed shopping list

Twenty different meals allows us to eat a different meal five nights a week for nearly an entire month (we usually eat out on Fridays and Saturdays). However, we can also repeat meals easily if we're craving something more frequently. Also, I can save the sheets I print out each week, so if I'm in a hurry and don't want to open my computer, select five meals, and press print (yes, sometimes I am that lazy or that pressed for time), I can simply grab an old one and go.

I can also easily enter in new meals that we want to try. Further, as our bank of go-to meals grows, I can add additional columns (such as season or prep time) and filter the recipes in additional ways.

I've only tried this process once, but I'm optimistic that it's the solution we've been searching for all these years!

Reflection & Rejuvenation: April

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

April kind of snuck up on me!

Honestly, March was a bit of a blur between presenting at two different Montessori conferences (one in Houston and one in Orlando--so happy that I got to meet the lovely blog reader and kindred spirit behind the company Montessori 123), dealing with vomiting/diarrhea/achiness among all three human members of our family--excluding the fourth who is in utero--and trekking to eight different meetings.

But there were so many memories to savor, too. A group of families with babies/toddlers from our new church gets together for a monthly potluck, plus we took a family trip to a small Texas town, went to a birthday party, participated in Outdoor Environment Day at Henry's school, and went to an Easter party. And we've had a ball visiting our new house every weekend and checking out the progress.

I'm officially entering the third trimester of my pregnancy. I'm feeling good but not as great as I felt the first time around with Henry. Most people are quick to say it's because I have a toddler now, but I honestly don't think that's it. I've been really good about rearranging my schedule to fit in a nap nearly every single day before I pick up Henry. It helps a ton. However, I have not been as good about walking every day and eating a pristinely healthy diet. I think those two things go a really long way toward warding off a lot of the discomfort of pregnancy.

Let's see how I did with respect to my intentions for the month:

Fully immerse myself in this round of Purposeful Conception: Yep!
Work on the publicity I need to do for 2000 Dollar Wedding: I was not able to prioritize this item.
Organize our recipe binder: See response above.
Finalize Henry's baby binder: Almost!
Make a binder for the new baby: Almost!
Organize Henry's clothes: Yes!
Find summer daycare: I have a plan in place; I just need to finalize all the details.
Enjoy our vacation: Argh. We had to cancel it due to the aforementioned sickness (plus the fact that the temperatures were too cold to fully enjoy the beach).

Hmm. I'm not feeling very proud of my results for the month, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. When I'm working really hard in other areas of my life, it's hard to make space and time (and, frankly, hard to find the energy) to focus on other things.

I also need to focus on the things I did accomplish: I finished sewing Henry's duvet cover (which I'll share when we move and I can do a home tour) and completely updating his floor bed from a crib mattress to a twin (complete with a water proof mattress cover and pillow protectors). And, honestly, I was very close to finishing three more of the above items.

This month, I want to do a better job of referencing my monthly goals when I sit down to plan out my week.

Here are the items on the docket this month:

Update our scrapbook
Organize the garage in preparation for moving
Plan our baby shower
Organize our closet in preparation for moving
Finalize Henry's baby binder
Make a binder for the new baby
Finalize summer daycare
Read Barbara Kingsolver's new book

I need a plan for being sure to follow-through with these goals this month. It's going to be kind of a tough month between a trip to Dallas + many days off for Henry due to school conferences and curriculum planning days + Matt traveling more than usual for work. I think I'll try to capitalize on the time I have with Henry after school (at least for getting the garage and closet organized).

Oops! I almost forgot about my cumulative resolutions:

Drink Enough Water: Yes!
Read Before Bed: Not this month...I've been waiting for my turn from the library with the new Kingsolver book!
Practice Gratitude Every Night: Yes!
Let Matt parent his way as much as possible: I'm doing better!

Photo Courtesy of the Nikki McClure Calendar

Yet Another Budget Update

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Image courtesy Emily Henderson's blog

The financial discussions (and--let's be honest--occasional shouting matches) continue around these parts. To catch up those of you who have joined us recently, Matt and I have a lot going on right now that impacts our finances (fortunately, it's all by choice):

I took a year off to stay home with Henry after his birth from 2011-12. I continued with side projects that brought in additional income (I published a book, did a couple consulting jobs for schools, sold our house for a profit without using a realtor, and ran several Purposeful Conception courses), but I still brought in considerably less than when I was working full-time.
For the past year, I've only been working part-time, so that I can volunteer the rest of my time to pursue my passion of starting Austin's first public Montessori school (and support our family by picking up Henry every day from school at 2:45pm).
We choose to send Henry to an expensive Montessori daycare because the philosophy resonates with Matt and me, and we both believe that the early years are critical for laying the foundation of Henry's brain development and future personality.
We're preparing to have another baby at the end of June.
On top of all this, we are building a house. Although our monthly mortgage payments will be less than what we currently pay for rent, we've had to save up a significant amount in order to buy the land, close on the construction loan, and gear up to close on the permanent loan.

I know; it's crazy.

But, honestly, for the most part, it feels really, really good to be putting all of this in place right now.

The times when it feels the worst are when we have to sacrifice things that we want right now for all the things that we want in the future. We have seriously cut back our spending (for the past seven months--it feels like so much longer!) to live within Matt's income in order to bank my entire part-time income. We've cut way back on eating out, going on vacation, spending money on hobbies, going on date nights, purchasing clothes, etc.

(As a side note, I know our story doesn't sound like much of a sacrifice for anyone who has been laid off or is searching for a job or can't work due to health concerns, etc. It's just felt like a sacrifice to us compared to how much financial freedom we had when we were both working full-time without paying for daycare and without saving for a house.)

The shouting matches usually come when Matt wants to spend money on something, and I remind him that x, y, or z is not in our current budget. He gets mad and then I get mad because it makes me feel like I'm the bad guy, even though I'm just reminding him of the budget we worked to set for ourselves. I get mad that I have to be the enforcer all the time, and I say things like, "We can't spend money on x, y, and z and build a house, so if you really wanted x, y, and z, then you never should have agreed to building the house."

Really, he's mad at the fact that we can't have x, y, and z in the immediate and the house in the future.

Anyway, it's definitely been a hard process for our family. I try to stay focused on the end result. Even though it's a bad time for our family to be moving forward with this kind of financial investment, it makes a ton of sense from the perspective of what's going on in the U.S. economy, especially in Austin. We bought our land right before the market really took off again (we bought it for more than $30,000 less than the current market value). Construction prices have started to steeply increase, and they're definitely only going to get worse from here. The housing market in Austin is booming; and supply is scarce. Meanwhile, interest rates are amazingly low, which will allow us to lock in a surprisingly low monthly payment for the next 30 years.

We managed to clear the major hurdle of saving up for the downpayment and closing costs on our permanent loan. We had also started building up other savings accounts, such as the one set aside for appliances and furniture. Unfortunately, our tax bill just wiped out about half of that particular savings account. I'm trying to stay focused on the fact that half of it is still there...

Now is the time to whip out the detailed Excel sheets. I started one to predict our expenses for my 3-month maternity leave (particularly Henry's daycare for the summer, any gear we might need for the new baby, Henry's tuition payments once school starts in August, and any babysitting we'll need to cover professional obligations that pop up).

I started another tab to predict our expenditures for the things we need/want to get right away: refrigerator, washer/dryer, stove, dishwasher, bed, couch, living room rug, bar stools, and dining room table. The total costs gets summed at the bottom, and then I subtract the amount of predicted revenue we'll be able to generate between now and then.

As we buy things on the list, I change the predicted price to the actual price and watch the difference between our expenditures and revenues change. For example, I had budgeted $500 for dining room chairs but ended up spending $400 for eight of these. When I changed the amount from $500 to $400, I watched the difference between predicted revenues and expenditures change for the better. I look forward to waiting for appliance sales and reading about how to save even more money on big purchases. This kind of system makes the relationship between splurging and saving very clear. For example, if we save money by going with mid-range kitchen appliances, then we will be more able to splurge on a larger washing machine (which will increase our quality of life by reducing the amount of time we spend doing laundry). If we save money on inexpensive furniture (e.g., a couch, bed, and mattress from IKEA), then we might be able to splurge on a hand-crafted dining room table from a local artisan (maybe?).

If we're going to pull off our crazy financial goals, we're going to have to stick to the rigidity of the Excel sheets until the end of October (when I--fingers crossed--start part-time work again, hopefully at a higher rate than I earn now).

Helping Children Deal with Death

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I have to insert a caveat before we begin and say that I've never read anything about how to help children deal with death. This post is based on my general parenting philosophy applied to death.

The other day, I came home from work and found a dead bird lying just beyond the door to the backyard. My immediate instinct was to pick it up with plastic bags, wrap it up tightly, and throw it away.

Instead of yielding to my instinct, I realized that it would be a good opportunity to expose Henry to the cycle of life--to the naturalness of death. I figured it would be much easier to start to learn about death among animals. I decided to leave the bird exactly where it was and wait for Henry to get home.

As we drove home from school, I explained to Henry that a bird had died in our backyard. I asked him if he wanted to help me dig a hole in the backyard and bury it. I knew that he didn't fully comprehend what I was saying, but he did understand the solemn tone of my voice.

When we got home, he kept talking about the dead bird and the hole we were going to dig. We ate snack first and talked about it some more. I explained that we don't touch dead animals with our bare hands; we can only look at them with our eyes. Then we opened the door to look at the bird. He immediately started laughing. I explained that we don't laugh when something or someone dies.

We then went just beyond our back gate (Hoss might have thought that we buried a bird in the yard for him to dig up) and started to dig a big hole. We used Henry's kid-sized tools from the Dollar Store and Montessori Services. Once the hole was big enough, we used his rake to pick up the dead bird and place it in the hole. Then we covered it back up and patted it down with our feet. I asked Henry if he wanted to find a rock to mark the spot, but it was easier for him to find a stick.

Then we said a brief eulogy for the bird about how we hoped it had had a good life flying high in the sky (I kind of started crying).

And that was that. Henry did mention the dead bird several times throughout the evening.

I took the same approach as a classroom teacher. When the temperature suddenly dropped in our classroom and we accidentally killed a bunch of our fish, we stopped everything to bury them in the garden and have a little funeral service. It feels very natural to expose children to death in the natural world as it occurs.

I feel like these experiences are like layers of rock that form over the years and help build the foundation for a healthy understanding of the world. Although Henry didn't nearly understand everything about that experience, he definitely understood pieces of it. He'll carry those pieces forward and attach them to other experiences as he develops his understanding of the world and his place in it.

Crafting the Lives We Want: Getting Creative

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

A solution to my summer childcare dilemma fell on my lap the other day when a friend of mine (who is a certified 3-6 Montessori teacher) mentioned that she might be interested in watching Henry during the summer. Her daughter is in Henry's class, and they are great friends.

I've been stressing about the situation because it's difficult to find temporary summer care for a 2 year-old (many of the camps are for older children or they don't last the entire summer). It's even more difficult if your whole heart and mind love Montessori. It's even more difficult if you're going to add a new baby to the family in the middle of the summer and want your older son to have as much stability as possible, while simultaneously having no idea when your house is going to be finished and you're going to pick up and move your family to the complete opposite side of town.

Oy.

I thought about putting Henry back at his old daycare (where he went from 14-18 months-old before his Montessori school started), but it's up by our new house. If we're not living there, it would be a huge hassle to drop him off and pick him up each day.

I've been dragging my feet, however, about searching for a new daycare near our current house because most of the good ones have really long waiting lists. I also didn't know what kind of commitment we would have to sign and whether we could leave without a financial penalty as soon as our house is finished.

When my friend mentioned her potential interest, my heart lept with joy but then deflated a little when I read her message again and realized that she only wanted to do it part-time.

That's when it hit me: There are no rules about how we do things. We can be completely creative and unconventional as we try to piece together the life we want for ourselves and our families.

I suggested that she watch Henry for three days a week (during his normal school hours of 8:15-3:00) and then I sign him up for his old daycare for two days a week. We do this until (if) we move in the middle of the summer. At that point, Henry returns to his old daycare five days a week.

It's the best possible solution given the craziness and uncertainty of our lives right now:

Henry will love going over to his friend's house three days a week. Their home is a Montessori Mecca! It's full of practical life activities, music, gardening, water play, etc.
He will also enjoy the stimulation of his old daycare. Going there twice a week will prepare him to make the transition (if we move during the summer) to full-time. It will be a familiar environment to him (while he's undergoing all the changes that come from having a new baby at home).
Combining in-home care with more institutional care gives us the best of both worlds. I have no doubt that the in-home care will be superior to the institutional care, but we will also benefit from the predictability of the institutional care. If our friend gets sick, for example, we can use the other daycare as a back-up.
Although it will be a pain to drive Henry across town to his old daycare, it will only be two days a week until we move. That's way better than every day!

I know it seems like a straightforward concept (make things work for you and your family!), but it's a nice reminder for me. When I go back to work full-time away from home, I want us to continue to think creatively about what it should look like so that it best meets our family's needs. For example, Matt and I were talking the other day about how I could go into work early while he gets the boys ready for school and then I could come home with them when school is out and we could spend the afternoons together before Matt gets home and we eat dinner together as a family.

Sometimes it feels overly tricky or complicated to set up these kinds of situations, but if it's what is needed to meet an ever-shifting and growing set of needs, then why not? I want to pursue my professional passions and spend a lot of quality time with my children and have quality time together as a family. I think tweaking our schedules, taking turns, working at different hours, etc. in order to make it work is worth it.

Living on "Toddler Time"

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

This past Saturday was a particularly busy day. Henry woke up at 7:15 and immediately wanted to read books (three of them). Then we trekked to the grocery store to pick up supplies for cookie-making. When we returned, Matt woke up and the three of us made cookies for an Easter party we were going to that afternoon.

Then Matt, Henry, and Hoss went to the dog park while I went to my prenatal yoga class and visited a house with goats as part of the Austin Funky Chicken Coop Tour. Meanwhile, the boys went for a haircut. Upon returning home, Matt, Henry, and I went over to our neighbors' house. Henry enjoyed jumping on the trampoline.

Henry, Hoss, and I napped while Matt played in a soccer game. Then we reconnected and went to an Easter party, full of egg hunts, eating, playing with sticks, and bubble-making.

And then we trekked all the way to the IKEA (it's pretty far beyond the Austin city limits). On the way home, Henry started to melt-down. He was whining and crying and acting generally irritable (even though it wasn't his typical bedtime yet).

That's when it hit me: We crammed too much into the day. Duh!

Henry's tempermant is a gauge that let's us know how much his absorbent mind can handle. After the Easter party, we should have gone home for a quiet dinner and bedtime routine at home.

Of course children are adaptable. They can do everything we do if we make them. But if we pay close attention, they give us clues about their needs. Yes, they need stimulation, but they also need quiet, slow time to process that stimulation.

I find that if I try to cram too much in, I end up rushing Henry. As a toddler, he likes to take his time. He doesn't want to rush to the car to get to the grocery store in the most efficient way possible; he prefers to take his time, observing the moth on the screen of the front door and stopping to pick up a rolly polly. Everything in his very being is telling him to take it slowly, to explore the world around him, to take it all in.

I try to honor Henry's developmental needs at each stage as much I as can. Of course it means that I don't always get to check off the items on my to-do list. Heck, I try not to put any items on my to-do list every afternoon between picking up Henry from school and the time we start making dinner. I try to follow Henry's lead. We take our time using the toilet so Henry can pull down his own pants and underwear, pee, and then pull everything all the way up. I even sit down for the hand-washing process because it takes a while for him to climb the stool, turn on the water, wet his hands, turn off the water, get one squirt of soap, rub his hands together to make bubbles, turn the water back on, rinse off his hands, turn the water off, dry his hands, and then climb down.

Then we go through the slow processes of making snack together, sitting down to eat, and cleaning up.

Afterwards, we usually trek to the park for an hour, and I follow Henry's lead. Sometimes he wants to explore the periphery of the park, looking at the city's lawnmowers or climbing the turnstile at the city pool (which is closed until summer). Other days he wants to swing for a really long time. Sometimes he wants to play in the rocks, and othertimes he wants to ride his back.

When I follow Henry's lead as much as I can, I find that he is happier and exudes general contentment. He is more willing to comply with my demands when his needs are met. When he starts to throw tantrums or melt-down, it's usually because he is tired or overstimulated.

I'm not suggesting that we completely sacrifice our own goals or agendas for those of our children. I believe that our families are systems and that each component of the system has to compromise in order to help the larger system function well.

The over-stimulating Saturday was a reminder for me, however, that children have different developmental needs and tolerances at different ages. I want to pay close attention to Henry's developmental needs and adjust our life/schedule as much as possible to support him as he integrates his personality.

I imagine this process of observing a child's needs and responding accordingly will get even trickier when we add a new baby into the mix. Although it's a little daunting to think about, I look forward to undertaking such a worthwhile challenge.

Baby Book Update

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

There are some things I did when Henry was a baby that I know I won't be able to maintain by the time we have a second child. However, there are a couple of things that are really important to me, such as creating a baby book that is just as robust as Henry's was.

As a reminder, our plan for scrapbooking is as follows:

Matt and I maintain an ongoing "Living, Growing Scrapbook" for our family
We made a baby book for Henry to encapsulate the period leading up to his birth and his entire first year. After that, we only e-mail him photos and notes to a special e-mail account. We plan to pass down our family scrapbooks to our children, which is why I'm fine only making him a separate one for the first year of his life.

Sadly, we canceled our Spring Break vacation to Galveston. At first we were going to cancel it because the weather was not going to be so beach-friendly. At the last minute, we decided to go anyway to have an adventure as a family. The night before we left, Henry got sick and finalized our decision not to go.

Instead, I used the time to catch up on a lot of projects, such as adding to our scrapbooks. Last year, I had to mail our family scrapbook to Voyageur Press (the publisher of A Priceless Wedding) for a photo shoot. I took out all of our post-wedding photos and temporarily stored them in Henry's baby book.

When I finally got everything back and sorted in the right place, I realized that I had stopped adding to Henry's baby book around the 8th month and stopped adding to our family scrapbook around the 5th month!

I spent an evening uploading photos to Snapfish. While I was at it, I wrote a letter to our second baby to tell him the story of how he came to be in our lives and what my pregnancy with him has been like. I've been writing him letters throughout the pregnancy, just like I did for Henry, but I also wanted to capture the complete story for him (like I did for Henry). This letter (plus accompanying photos of the pregnancy + the letters Matt and I have been writing all along) will form the start of the baby's book. While I was at it, I also uploaded photos for our family scrapbook.

At the end of the process, I had uploaded 111 photos. I found a Snapfish coupon on retailmenot for 25% off plus free shipping. It brought the total down to a little over $8. Woo-hoo!

Just the other day, I read John and Sherry's recap of their yearly family yearbook. I love the idea of creating a slim, easily storable memento every year, and I started to regret our growing binder scrapbook. However, after flipping through our scrapbook again, I realized that I really like being able to add tangible items directly into our scrapbook, such as letters Matt and I write to each other for our anniversary, cards, invitations, etc., as well as being able to write next to certain pictures. Also, I think the process of uploading, printing, and taping photos into a scrapbook every couple months is more manageable for me than creating an entire book every year.

Going through the process also made me reflect on my process for storing photos in Picasa. The first year of Henry's life, I stored all of our photos by month. However, that process made it extremely difficult to locate specific photos unless I could remember exactly when they were taken. The next year, I lumped everything into a single folder for the year. Although it made it easy to upload photos for our scrapbook, it made it extremely difficult to scroll through and access individual photos during the year. This year, I'm going to go back to my old, old system of organizing folders by year and event. However, I'm going to keep them in order by adding a two-digit number right after the date. Here are some examples of folders we have already:

2013_01_Henry's Birthday
2013_02_Zoo Trip
2013_03_Food Truck

I think this system will make it easy to locate individual photos throughout the year and make it easy when it's time to upload for our scrapbook (since I can systematically go through each folder in order).

A couple other things I learned during the process:

When we take photos, we need to get better about deleting the obviously bad ones before we even transfer them to the computer.
When I upload photos from the camera to my computer, I need to delete the bad ones to reduce the time it takes to scroll through so many pictures.

I'm feeling good about being able to check things off my list of goals for the month!

How to Get Out Stains on Baby Clothes

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I'm still hacking away at my to-do list for this month! I decided to organize Henry's baby clothes in preparation for our June (or July arrival).

We're lucky we even have any of his clothes. For the longest time, we thought we were only going to have one child. As a result, I gave away most of my maternity clothes, our Moby wrap, co-sleeper, etc. The only reason I saved all of his baby clothes was because I want to make a quilt out of them. I even saved the stained ones, since I only need a small piece from each one.

Luckily my procrastination paid off in this instance. By the time I even thought about making the quilt, we had started thinking having another baby, so I held off on chopping up the clothes.

Fast forward several months, and it was time to sort through the clothes. Several of them were badly stained, so I did a little Googling to figure out how to get them clean. After searching for the most non-toxic solution possible, I decided to go with harsher chemicals because I wanted a really effective and efficient result. I'm fine filling our second son's closet with hand-me-downs, but I at least want them to be stain-free.

Based on my experience*, here is what I would recommend for anyone trying to get stains out of colored garments:

Fill a 5-gallon bucket with water and about 10 scoops of OxiClean.
Submerge the clothes in the bucket, being careful not to overfill the bucket. It's better to give the clothes space to soak up the water.
Leave the clothes in the bucket with the solution for as long as it takes for the stains to lift completely (it might take days--the clothes will be fine).
After the stains are gone, run the clothes through the washing machine several times to help yourself feel better about using such a harsh chemical on clothing that will be next to your baby's skin.

*This process doesn't reflect my exact experience which involves a bit more trial-and-error. This process is what I will do next time!

Literally every single stain came out without damaging any of the brightness of the clothing. It worked on every piece--from gray shirts to spray-painted shirts to striped onesies.

Using Space Flexibly

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 10:10:00 +0000

It's time to start planning the "nursery" (even though the room is currently comprised of wooden beams). I put the word "nursery" in quotes because it definitely won't just be a nursery.

When we first designed Henry's "nursery," we were living in a 2-bedroom, 1-bath, 1000-square foot bungalow. Because I loved the way the light came into his room each morning, we set up that room almost like a second living room with a couch (which folded out and became our guest quarters as necessary), a desk for crafting, Henry's floor bed (that doubled as a Montessori movement area with a mirror and a mobile), and a low shelf for toys. Henry and I spent many hours in that room in our early months together.

Our new house will have three bedrooms and two bathrooms and be 1,779 square feet. As I was standing in it the other day(!), I realized that the entryway actually has a ton of space. I realized that it can double as a crafting area when our boys are older and want their own bedrooms.

It's really liberating to look at a house through the lens of functionality and utility rather than tradition. I remember reading about a woman who turned her never-used dining room into an arts-and-crafts area. Even though we won't have a formal dining room in our new house, I hope that we apply the same principle to the design and organization of our space. Our homes should reflect--not define--our lives.

My mind is swirling with all the possibilities. Our plan (which is always subject to change when it involves a new baby!) is to co-sleep with the baby for the first two months (which, in Montessori philosophy, corresponds with the Symbiotic Period). During that time, we'll use our third bedroom for guests, crafts, and probably a secondary play space.

Now that we live in Austin, we seem to host many more guests. Also, Matt and I are planning to upgrade to a king-sized bed when we move, so we're thinking it would be nice to keep our queen-sized bed for guests (and sell the pull-out couch). It's hard for me to think about devoting all that space to a bed that doesn't get used all that often, but I know it's so much more comfortable for guests. If it would all fit, it would be great to have the queen-sized bed, a table for crafting, and the baby's floor bed. That way, post-partum guests would have a comfortable place to sleep (while the baby is sleeping with us), and the baby and I would have a secondary place to breastfeed and relax during the day when we're alone together.

Then, when the baby transitions to sleeping in his own room, he'll be comfortable with that space. He can sleep in there until we're able to successfully support him to sleep through the night (we'll start at four months and try to finish by six months, per our pediatrician's recommendation). When he sleeps through the night, we can move him into Henry's room and the third room can be used for crafts, office space, guests, and work. At that point, we may even occasionally rent out the room through airbnb to generate a little extra income.

Years later, when the boys each want their own room, we can move the craft/office space into the entryway (and the boys can revert to sleeping together whenever guests come). Although I'm the kind of home decorator who likes to "set it and forget it," this kind of flexibility and fluidity comes with the territory when you have a growing family.

It will be interesting trying to accommodate Henry's needs and the new baby's needs in a relatively compact space. Depending upon how much space we have in our living room, I'd like to set up another Montessori movement area with a mirror, mat, and mobile for the new baby. We can use one of the shelves in our built-in bookcase for the baby's first toys. We can also set up a mobile above our bed, and the baby's floor bed (even though the latter is not recommended by Montessorians because the sleep area should be separate from the work area).

Even though our non-traditional "nursery" will not stand a chance at gracing the front page of Ohdeedoh, we can take solice in the fact that it will be exactly what our family needs!

IKEA Karlstad Couch Hack

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Photo courtesy of Honey Badger Home

Matt and I have known for a while that we want a big sectional couch in our new living room. For us, there's something about sectional couches that screams "comfort" and "family" and "relaxation."

We started by pricing sectional couches at brick and mortar furniture stores in Austin and quickly realized 1) they were too expensive for us and/or 2) we didn't like most styles. Stores like Crate and Barrel, West Elm, and Pottery Barn are pretty much always too expensive for us (although we often like the styles).

We quickly came to the conclusion that we needed to buy our next couch from IKEA (to replace the one I've had for 13 years). It helped that our internet mentors--John & Sherry--forged the path before us and also settled on the Karlstad IKEA sectional.

And then the debate about the legs began. Matt was fine with the chunky block legs (as long as we stained them); I preferred the sleeker metal legs because I like a more tapered look. But at the end of the day, neither of us was very happy with either option.

When I'm impatient about waiting for our house to be built, I try to channel my impatience into designing the interior. I kept googling "mid century modern couch legs," and even found some. But I had no idea if they would hold up an entire couch.

And then I searched "Karlstad mid century modern" and stumbled upon a whole host of amazing people who have blazed this trail already (what did we ever do without the internet?). Unfortunately, many of them had skills (and power tools) superior to our own.

And then I waded through the comments section and learned about Uncle Bob's Workshop and thirteencolonies on Etsy, both of whom make mid century replacement legs for the Karlstad. They literally screw in--no tools required.

Oh, joy! For approximately $70 more than we would have spent on the metal legs from IKEA, we can now transform our couch into a mid century masterpiece (or at least something that we like looking at). We ordered 12 unfinished legs so we can stain them ourselves. And along the way, Matt and I learned that we really like the look of tufted cushions, so we're going to investigate inexpensive upholstering options.