Feeding the Soil

For Sale by Owner: How to Sell Your Own House Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 11:07:00 +0000

In last week's installment about How to Sell Your Own House, I talked about how to get your house ready to go on the market. This section is all about how to actually put it on the market.

If you sign with a realtor and agree to pay them 3% of your house's selling price, they offer a full range of services, including photographing, marketing, holding open houses, connecting with other agents, and listing your house on the MLS. If you opt to sell your house yourself, you have to undertake all these components on your own. Here are my recommendations:

Get a professional photographer: Although professional photography is expensive, good photos will bring in the buyers. Fortunately, we are friends with a professional photographer, so he agreed to snap some shots for us in exchange for a tutorial about how to do Montessori in the home. Even if you have to pay for it, it's worth it. It's one of those upfront expenses that pays off later. You'll need high-quality photos for your MLS listing (research shows: the more photos, the better), your flyer, and your website.
Make high-quality signs: We made our signs (a for sale sign, as well as an open house sign) using templates from Build a Sign. We believed that professional, sturdy, customized signs would represent our home better than a sign from the hardware store with a handwritten phone number.

Design high-quality flyers: We looked at other realtors' flyers (from our initial meetings) to get inspiration for our flyers. We printed them in color. We opted not to leave these next to our sign outside because they're so expensive per copy. Instead, we posted the link to a website on our sign (for folks who wanted more information) and left the flyers inside on the dining room table, so people could take one with them during a showing.

Set up a website: We used Blogger to set up a website (that didn't look like a blog). We included a letter about all the things we love about living in our house.
Write compelling copy for your MLS listing: I looked at the listings for other houses in our neighborhood for inspiration (these were the same houses that I had the flyers for and the same houses that I toured during open houses).
Get your house listed on the MLS through a company, like whymls.com: If you want to sell your home in the most efficient way possible and reach the widest audience, you need to get it listed on the MLS. However, only realtors have access to the MLS.We used a website company to list our house for us. I don't necessary recommend the company we used, but I did appreciate the option for signing up for Centralized Showing Services. They mailed me a lockbox, so I could put the key on the front door and they would dole out the combination to any realtors who were interested in showing the house. This meant we would get a call a couple hours in advance, and we could completely evacuate the house. The folks at Young House Love did not go this route (they showed the house themselves), but I think this piece was key for us. Realtors are already wary of dealing with For Sale by Owners; I think it's important to make the process as professional and normal as possible.
Build relationships with realtors: We did not do this, but I'm convinced we would have sold our house more quickly if we had. In retrospect, I wish that we would have held a special open house just for agents. We would have lured them in with free food and drinks. This practice is common in the real estate world. Realtors like to do a preview before they bring by clients. I'm not sure if this would actually work for an FSBO seller, but it's worth a shot. Additionally, I wish we would have sent flyers to all the local agents and written them a note emphasizing that we were welcoming buyers' agents and were willing to pay the standard 3%. Many agents are reluctant to deal with FSBO sellers because they can be very unprofessional. I think this kind of proactive relationship-building would do a lot to prove that you are, in fact, professional and will be easy to deal with. You want to convince the realtors to bring people to your house.
Hold open houses: Many people in the real estate world say that open houses are not actually effective for selling homes (they say they are more effective for realtors to meet new clients). However, I enjoyed dressing up in professional clothes, putting out our open house sign (with balloons), and holding open houses (we did six of them). Although you may not get much bang for your buck, it only takes one buyer to sell a house. Matt and I attended open houses in order to figure out how to run one. We garnered tips from paying attention to what the real estate agents did or did not do.
Keep your house spotless: I do not envy those of you who are trying to sell a home in this market. It is extremely stressful to keep your house in show-ready condition. We did it, however, for the sake of trying to sell our house. I have many memories of getting a call from Centralized Showing System letting me know that a realtor wanted to come by in an hour. It would throw Henry in the Ergo on my back and run around the house like a madwoman vacuuming, fluffing pillows, spraying cleaner on the countertops and in the sinks to make the house smell good, checking inside the shower and major closets, moving the dog bed to the car (we really tried to present a de-cluttered home), etc. The more showings you have, the greater chance you have to sell your house (except it means more cleaning!).
Know your bottom line: At the FSBO seminar I went to, I learned that you should have a bottom line in your mind--your lowest price. The idea is that if you receive an offer at or above your bottom line, you should accept it. Matt and I received an offer that was slightly above our bottom line (but significantly below our asking price). We negotiated a couple thousand dollars up. Then we had to concede a couple thousand down after the inspection came back. In the end, we were $1,000 above our bottom line.

The rest of the process will vary from state to state. Texas makes real estate transactions very easy. The buyer's agent submits a contract, you negotiate the price via e-mail, you revise the contract by crossing out numbers and initialing next to it, the buyers schedule an inspection, you negotiate again, the buyers schedule an appraisal, the title company contacts you about your next steps, and you show up at the closing to sign papers (and at any step of the way, you can ask the buyer's agent, the title company, or the person who listed your house on the MLS for help). Seriously, the rest of the process was that easy.

As I type this post, I count my lucky stars that we were able to sell our house ourselves in a down economy. And, honestly, there were times throughout the process when I didn't think I was going to be able to write this post. I thought we were going to have to sign with an agent.

This post reminds me how many steps were involved in this process. It did take a lot of work. But as I've mentioned before, the hardest parts were things we would have had to do with an agent anyway.

As with any big, scary endeavor, I think the key is taking it one step at a time. I kept a list of everything that had to get done, prioritized the list (in case not everything got done), and scheduled each task on a particular day, so I could just take it one step at a time.

I've tried to share as much as I can think of, but please ask me clarifying questions if there's anything you want to know!

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Be one of the first ten commentors and receive a free DIY printable invitation!

Equal Distribution of Chores

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 11:10:00 +0000

I apologize for not having a more romantic topic on Valentine's Day, but according to this NYTimes article, equally distributing household responsibilities is romantic!

Matt and I try to divide our chores evenly. We divide the weekly and monthly chores into two different groups (#1 and #2) and then we alternate who does them each week/month. Then we have chores that are specific to us every week.

Now that we moved into a new house, it's time to make up new lists to reflect our new environment.

Weekly #1

Clean entire kitchen (counters, sinks, refrigerator, microwave, floor, windows)
Mop bathroom floors
Shake out rugs from kitchen and bathrooms
Wipe down dining room table, Henry's table, office desk, desk in front room
Get stains out of couch

Weekly #2

Clean both bathrooms (counters, sinks, toilets, tubs)
Vacuum whole house
Vacuum couch

Monthly #1

Dust bookshelves and desk in living room
Dust bookshelves in Henry's room and master bedroom
Wash rugs

Monthly #2

Wash duvet cover
Sweep front porch
Sweep back porch
Clean out bowl by front door

Daily/Weekly: Sara

Water plants
Empty the dishwasher
Do general laundry

Daily/Weekly: Matt

Take out trash
Take out compost
Put away dishes from dinner
Wash cloth diapers

Henry's First Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 11:10:00 +0000

The little Henry Jones is coming up on the one-year mark (February 28). I've been planning his party over at 2000 Dollar Wedding. I'm trying not to fall into the trap of go-all-crazy-and-then-take-lots-of-pictures-for-the-whole-internet-to-ooh-and-ahh-at-and-pin. But I am seizing this milestone as an opportunity to flex my creativity in fun ways (I'm making my first pinata! and we're having a gourmet grilled-cheese bar!) and as a chance to create a fun party for Henry (we'll be in our backyard with balls and dogs!) and as a chance to bring together friends and family.

I love birthdays. The author of Living Passages for the Whole Family: Celebrating Rites of Passage from Birth to Adulthood says, "Birthdays can be sacred portals through which we remember the soulful significance of our lives and relationships." She goes on to explain, "My own childhood birthday memories aren't filled with a bounty of presents, though my family members were thoughtful gift-givers. My memories are filled with presence--the presence of a family, animated with gladness that I was a growing sprig on their family tree." And I love her argument for continuing to celebrate birthdays, even as we age: "As we age, birthdays may continue to be touchstones upon which we affirm our deepening human capacities...my own continue to thrill me with their potential for gratitude expressed, growth acknowledged, and visions ignited."

As far as other traditions go, we'll be hanging the birthday bunting. If Henry wasn't going to be in a Montessori school, we would do the Celebration of Life at home. I thought about getting the Waldorf birthday ring, but it seems really expensive to me, and I'm wondering if there's another way to represent the passage of time.

As far as gifts go, I tried to think of something that Henry would like and would be meaningful. I've already been planning to turn all of his old clothes from the first year of his life into a quilt, but that won't have much meaning for him now. So in addition to the quilt, I also decided to make him a board book. I found a company that does it for about $20. I was able to upload eight different photos and type the text. I kept the book as simple as possible because I want him to be able to use it as an early reading book when he's older. Henry is at an age where he loves "reading" his board books. He takes them out of the basket, flips through them, and makes low, drawn-out noises as he looks at each page. His two favorite books are Global Babies and Smile, I think because they are full of pictures of babies. My brain is guessing that he will love a book with his own pictures, as well as the pictures of friends and families.

When the book arrives, I'll share photos of it and let you know if I recommend the company or not.

What birthday traditions and rituals do you love?

For Sale by Owner: How to Sell Your Own House Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 11:10:00 +0000

We did it, friends. Matt and I sold our house by ourselves without listing it with an agent, which saved us approximately $7,500.

I have to confess that I wasn't sure we were going to be able to pull it off. Our house was on the market for 3.5 months. At the three-month mark, we started connecting with a realtor. We came very close to signing with them. In fact, their forms were in my e-mail inbox; I just didn't have time to deal with them because I was scurrying to meet my book deadline. And then we received an offer.

Selling a house is hard, hard work, but it's hard whether you work with a realtor or not. The hardest parts of selling our house included:

Getting our house ready to go on the market (purging, decluttering, organizing, and cleaning)
Keeping our house in show-ready condition constantly (daily vacuuming, clearing off the bathroom sink, putting away Henry's changing table, etc.)

And we would have had to do those things even if we went with a realtor.

If you're on the cusp of wondering whether or not you should try to sell your home yourself, this series is for you. I'm going to do a couple posts about how to sell your own home (including things I wish we would have done but didn't). An important point to remember is that trying to sell your house yourself does not mean that you can't later list it with an agent. The only things you have to lose are the money you spend making signs, the small commission you pay to list your house on the MLS, and the extra time it might take.

Step One: Get Your House Ready to Go on the Market

Oh, boy. The pretty much joyless process of selling your house begins. Whether you list your house with an agent or not, you still need to get your house ready to go on the market, which entails the following:

Make a list of everything you want to fix before listing your house. You don't need to fix everything that's wrong (just be prepared to disclose the things that are wrong), but you should repair obvious things.
Once you make your list, reorder everything from most important to least important, since you might not be able to get to everything. Then start working on the projects or calling folks to get quotes. For us, we needed to fix things like a broken outlet on our front porch.
Go through every room and purge, purge, purge. I can't emphasize this enough. Even though Matt and I try to purge pretty regularly and keep an ongoing "Donations" box to collect stuff, we still had to get rid of a lot of unused junk.
Once you've pared down your stuff to things you actually use and need, then it's time to declutter and reorganize. For us, this looked like stripping down nearly every surface of our home to the bare minimum. In the bathroom, for example, we put away our toothbrushes, soap, and other personal belongings every single day, so that the counter looked clear, clean, and beautiful. In the kitchen, we stopped storing our cutting board on the counter. We moved a basket of Hoss's toys from the dining room to the attic (sorry, Hoss!). We stopped storing Henry's carseat in the house (which we had to do all summer long to keep it cool). In other words, we tried to make our home look like a model home, even though all six of us were still living in it day in and day out (Matt, me, Henry, bloodhound, plus two chickens in the backyard).
Go through your home and try to depersonalize it as much as possible. Apparently, it's hard for people to envision themselves in other people's homes if the owners leave out too much of themselves. To combat this problem, we replaced all of our framed photos with pictures cut out of magazines. We also stopped hanging things like bathrobes on a hook in our bedroom.
Make more space in your home by taking things out. You honestly might have to store large pieces of furniture elsewhere. The goal is to make your house feel as light, airy, and spacious as possible.
Once your home is purged, decluttered, organized, and de-personalized, it's time to clean it like your life depends on it. We did things like scrub the baseboard edge with a toothbrush (and by "we" I mean "Matt").
Focus on the curb appeal of your home, since it matters tremendously. We hired professional landscapers to spruce up our front yard. We also hired someone to pressure-wash our house and repaint the front of it.
Once you think your home is as beautiful as possible, ask an honest friend or neighbor to walk through and give you additional suggestions for how to make it even less cluttered and more organized and beautiful.

Once you have prepared your home as much as possible, I suggest that you meet with a realtor. When we met with a realtor, we honestly didn't know whether we were going to sign with her or sell it on our own. Here are the questions we asked:

How is the market doing right now in this neighborhood? Is it improving or worsening?
How many comparable listings are there? What does our competition look like?
What would be the best time to put our house on the market?
What changes would you recommend we make in order to help our house show as well as possible?
What do you think are the best features of our house?
What do you think would hold someone back from purchasing our home?
At what price would you recommend we list our house?
What percentage do you charge?
We're thinking about trying to sell our house ourselves at first. What are the benefits and drawbacks to selling it ourselves?

We only met with one realtor, but I would recommend meeting with at least three. That way, you get diverse perspectives and as much information as possible. Also, even if you decide to sell your house yourself, I don't think it's sneaky or dishonest to meet with realtors during the information-gathering stage. Just because you try to sell your house yourself doesn't mean that you won't ultimately sign with a realtor. You'll need to have these meetings anyway, so you might as well do it early in the process.

The three parts of selling a home are price, condition, and location. You absolutely have to get the price right. If you set your price too high, you will struggle to get showings. At the same time, there will likely be negotiation involved (both with the initial offer and then once the inspection report comes back), so try to set the price above your bottom line if possible.

At the end of the day, the market determines the price of your home. Nothing else. It doesn't matter how much you love your home or how beautiful it is to you. The only thing that matters is what someone else is willing to pay for it. The folks over at Young House Love described their process, which included setting the price too high initially.

Many realtors will do a free analysis of the comps in your area to recommend a listing price. If you talk to three different realtors, you should get a good sense of what price to start with. I also recommend that you scour the MLS website for your area and spend a Sunday going to open houses in the neighborhood. Open houses will help you get a sense of what's available in your area, will give you ideas about how to host your own open house, and will help you set a fair and reasonable price tag for your house.

After you meet with the realtors, spend some time implementing any suggestions they have for staging your home even better. For example, the realtor we met with recommended that we replace the plastic panes on our front door with glass and repaint the whole door.

This first part is really time-consuming and difficult (and potentially expensive) if you do it right. However, investing upfront will pay off later down the line. During this stage, I recommend that you learn as much as possible about how to sell your own home. I read For Sale by Owner, as well as House Selling for Dummies. Also, I connected with someone in my neighborhood who had sold her own home (way more informative than the books!) and attended a free seminar hosted by For Sale by Owner (also very helpful, although this book looks even better).

It's true that it takes extra legwork to sell it yourself, but for a stay-at-home mom, the legwork was worth $7,500.

Stay tuned for Part II next week!

Chocolate Fondue Recipe

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:10:00 +0000

We had friends over for dinner at our new house in Austin last Friday night (it's part of my "Build Community Crusade"). Our guests requested gluten- and cheese-free options, so I cooked:

Roasted vegetables and chickpeas
Salad (avocado, sunflower seeds, dried cranberries)
Carrots + hummus

For dessert, I made chocolate fondue with strawberries and pineapples. I actually botched the fondue because I didn't follow my own recipe, but I wanted to write this post anyway. I've made this recipe in this past, and it's delicious. Plus, I discovered my new favorite chocolate chips at Central Market: Guittard Semi-Sweet. I may or may not have snacked on several handfuls before making the fondue.

I found this recipe on the box of my fondue pot, which has traveled with me from house to house, city to city, for the past 11 years. I don't make fondue all that often, but when I do, I'm sure glad to have my trusty fondue pot.

Ingredients:

1/4 c milk
6 oz. butterscotch chips
6 oz. semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 can (14 oz.) sweetened condensed milk
1 t vanilla

Directions:

Combine milk and chips in fondue bowl.
Set temperature to low.
Stir until chips are melted.
Add sweetened condensed milk and vanilla.
Stir to combine.
Serve with pieces of angel food, sponge, or pound cake, fresh fruit, pretzels, etc.

Montessori Home Tour: Living Room

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:10:00 +0000

When Matt and I were unpacking and moving into our new home in Austin, we tried to keep Montessori principles and ideas at the forefront of our minds as much as possible. I went back to this post about how to set up each area of the home. Of course we had to make adjustments based on the space we have and the set-up of our new rental house.

The living room is the hub of our home. We don't need a separate "play room" for Henry because we spend most of our time in the living room, and he wants to be where we are. We intentionally devoted all of the low shelves to Henry's toys, so we can create "an environment of yes's." We don't want to waste a lot of energy saying "no" all the time. As a side note, Henry used to listen to us when we said no. Now he doesn't, which means we have to exert even more energy removing him from the forbidden object (he loves to stuff fistfuls of Hoss's dog food in his mouth). We try to be as consistent as possible. Matt and I say no to the same things, and if he doesn't listen, we remove him from the object and explain why he can't have/touch it.

We intentionally turned this IKEA bookshelf on its side to create as much space as possible for Henry. In Montessori environments, we avoid big baskets full of toys. Instead, we create a distinct spot for every object. Having a separate spot for everything fosters order. Order in the physical environment is very important because children are absorbing their environment and it impacts the organization and development of their brain. Also, it usually reduces the number of toys in the environment. The "absorbent mind" takes everything in, so it's important not to provide too much stimulation.

Henry's toys include this puzzle and this puzzle to encourage the development of his hands (although something more simple would be more aligned with Montessori). He also has this drum, these wooden toys, and a basket of three balls (including a puzzle ball). We devote one shelf to a food object. Ideally, we would have a separate shelf in the kitchen for Henry to explore new fruits and vegetables, but we don't have the space. Instead, we just set aside a spot in the living room, since this bookshelf is right next to the kitchen. This week is had a pineapple, but I just cut it up to make fondue, so I quickly put in some tangerines.

This shelf includes this alligator, a toy from Pottery Barn, and this xylophone.

We decided to put our coffee table in the little front room and instead just use our ottoman from IKEA with a DIY slipcover that used to be in Henry's room.

His weaning table and chairs are in the living room, again since we don't have room in the kitchen. I placed them as close to the kitchen as possible, while intentionally placing it in a well-lit and beautiful spot by the window overlooking the park. My plan is to get one of those plastic mats (that go under desk chairs) at the office supply store, so clean-up will be a snap.

Henry's wooden walker with blocks (similar to these) sits in the corner, ready for use at any time (although I wish we would have bought this wagon instead; it's not as pretty, but I think it's more functional in the long-term since kids can push each other in it).

And that's it! The space is intentionally calm, orderly, de-cluttered, and organized. Once we de-cluttered and organized our last house before putting it on the market, I vowed to maintain a more minimalist aesthetic for future homes (of course it's even easier now that we live in a 3/2 with a garage!).

Reflection & Rejuvenation: February

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:10:00 +0000

From the Nikki McClure Calendar

Long time, no talk! I apologize for my unscheduled break last week. We found out on the previous Tuesday that our closing was actually going to happen on Thursday. Although Thursday, 1/26 was on our original contract, we assumed it wasn't going to be that early, since the title company was still working on financing stuff with the buyers.

So Tuesday to Thursday isn't much time to pack. Although I did attempt to follow my moving project plan as much as possible, I didn't start the packing part until we knew we were officially moving. Two days to pack up your entire life (2.5 people + bloodhound + 2 chickens) is a bit stressful. On top of the sheer physical demands of packing and loading boxes, there was also the emotional stress of leaving my beloved city (even though I want to move to Austin to make my dreams happen). Matt and I tend to fight more when we're under stress, so we found ourselves arguing about packing (I thought we should stay up late packing every night; he wanted to go to bed and "just pack the boxes when we're loading the truck.") and fighting about asking for help (I wanted to throw a little party and invite lots of good friends to help carry boxes; Matt thinks it's rude to ask other people to help you move). We stayed up until 3:30am getting the truck packed (after the battery died and we had to unpack almost the entire truck to find our checkbook for the closing).

Our closing went smoothly, and the buyers are a delightful couple. We are so, so fortunate to have sold our house in this economy (and at a price significantly higher than we paid for it 3.5 years ago, thanks to the desirability of our neighborhood). After the closing, we trekked to Austin. Matt drove the truck, while I schleped the baby and the chickens (in a box) in my car. We arrived in Austin around 10pm and started unloading the truck.

And I have to say that our first week in Austin was hard. In some ways, it was awesome. I went to the grocery store on our first day here, and I ran into someone I know. The next day, I took Henry to his first birthday party. On Sunday I went to a cohousing potluck and met up with an awesome blog reader and her partner. On Monday, I met Kelly for lunch and a walk around the lake. On Tuesday, I met this cool lady at the park behind our house, and met a woman for dinner who is interested in Montessori For All. On Thursday I had a playdate with someone I met for the first time through a friend. On Friday we had a playdate with someone else and we hosted a dinner party.

But there was also the sinking realization that my life was better in Houston. I thought that Henry was going to start childcare right away, so I thought I would have time for work meetings. It turns out that the teacher isn't ready to take him yet, so I'm left feeling trapped. We moved here so I could start a school, but I don't have any time to get out into the community. I also thought that Matt would work from home, but he's been choosing to work out of the Austin office instead.

As I type all of this, I am overwhelmed with forgiveness. I want to say to myself, "Of course you are feeling this way! Look at all you've been through in such a short amount of time! Transitions are always hard. Things will look up soon."

But I'm also pushing myself to feel overwhelming gratitude for everything I have in my life. All the really important things are right here by my side.

And then I'm also generating next steps. I've connected with three different babysitters who will be able to give me the time that I need to meet with people in the community to talk about my idea for a school. It will be expensive, but it's what we have to do, so I can continue to be a patient and present mother when I'm with Henry. As I write that sentence, I worry that I'm going to regret my eagerness to go back to work when I'm old and gray. I don't want to think to myself, "Why was I in such a hurry? Henry was young for such a short time."

It's a delicate balance, for sure. I want to savor this time with Henry, prioritize family, and create space for connection, but I also want to feel like a complete, passionate person.

So, February, you are upon us. Let me go back and see how I did with my January goals (I'm afraid to look).

Select at least three people for the Montessori For All Board of Directors. I selected two.
Follow our project plan for getting our house ready for our move to Austin. I followed it for purging and organizing, which was good.
Find a good rental house in Austin. Yes! It's right on a park.
Get unpacked and settled in Austin fast. We're getting close. We already hosted a dinner party, so I'm feeling good.
Read Strengths Based Leadership. Yep.
Read Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys. I borrowed the documentary from the library so Matt and I could watch it together.
Help Henry build his iron supplies with a green smoothie every day (he's slightly anemic). Yes.
Publish consistently on my two blogs. Nope. I couldn't keep up when we didn't have internet connection and we were busy, busy, busy.
Finish my sections for the Montessori book I'm working on with Kylie. No! This project has been pushed to the back burner. Sorry, Kylie! Hopefully I will get to it this month.
Participate daily in the Purposeful Conception e-course. Yep, I've been participating a lot.
Read Love Medicine. I started it but it was too depressing for me.
Run at least three times per week. I only ran two times this month. But I'm still really proud of myself because I didn't run for almost two years. When I picked it up again, I was able to run three miles without stopping.
Do one sun salutation before bed every night. No. Now that our new house has carpet, this is going to be even easier. I'm realizing that I never responded to the yoga teacher's comment about picking a more relaxing posture. I hear you, but I love sun salutations! They stretch me out really well, and the breathing is so soothing to me.
Send birthday cards. Big fail.
Plan my birthday party. Tried to but the Portland idea got nixed.

Oh, February, you are a short month, and I'm already late getting to these goals. I need to be very careful with myself this month.

Create a project plan for the year for Montessori For All
Host Henry's first birthday party
Get an Austin library card
Change everything to our new address
Do one sun salutation before bed every night
Practice my mantra "let it go"
Update our scrapbook
Seek out joy in my new city

11 Months: Happy Birthday, Henry!

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

Dearest Henry Jones,

You are growing so much! You are in the 90th percentile for height and the 60th percentile for weight. You gained two pounds of holiday weight. Your head is still small for a baby (around the 25th percentile).

We go to the park nearly every day now. You love to crawl right up to other kids and watch them. You also know how to go down the slide all by yourself. You crawl to the edge of the slide, kick your legs over, and slide down feet first on your stomach. You open your mouth wide to take in all the joy. We just signed a lease on a rental house in Austin. It's a little more than we wanted to spend, and there's not nearly enough natural light, but the backyard opens straight to a park (with a swimming pool!). We have a lot of fun times ahead of us.

Your best friend, Ellie Cate, came over to play and you watched her walk all around our house. After that, you got really interested in pushing your wooden walker wagon everywhere to practice walking. We have a small house, so I have to help you turn around a lot!

We go for walks every morning. When you start to get antsy, I give you a stick to look at. When you get bored with the stick, I give you a leaf.

You still love to eat. The doctor said 99% of children can regulate their eating. I think you might be in the 1%! This month you learned how to drink out of your glass all by yourself.

You make us laugh out loud on a daily basis, Henry Jones. Thank you for being a part of our family.

With love...

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Brainstorming budget food ideas for Henry's 1st birthday.

Dear Houston:

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

You are one of the most underrated cities in America. Yes, you are full of ozone warnings, concrete, traffic, oil people, inordinate wealth juxtaposed with abject poverty, and aggressive drivers, but you have been an amazing home to me for nine years of my life.

And what a nine years those have been. I moved here to be part of the educational reform movement for economically disadvantaged children at KIPP, I met my husband at the Astrodome while we were tutoring evacuees from Hurricane Katrina, we bought our first home in the historic Heights just north of downtown, we harbored chickens illegally in our backyard, and we welcomed little Henry into the world.

And throughout those nine years, you have proven to be a magically eclectic and interesting city. You are an international city that welcomes people from all over the world (and you have the food to prove it). You are the city that has an international quilting festival one weekend and the international tatoo convention the next. You build eco-friendly parks and host free yoga classes, films on the lawn, and concerts on the hill. You have a burgeoning food truck culture, providing delicious and creative fare at random places. You have a country store store smack dab in the middle of the city that is part petting zoo, part garden, and part feed store. You have no zoning laws, which makes for an incredibly unpredictable and exciting landscape. There's an elementary school; there's Zone d'Erotica.

You host events like arts fundraisers that require everyone to dress up like clowns. You offer inexpensive boats to rent for parties on the bayou. Down there, you can't even tell you're in the city of concrete and traffic. You just see the banks of the bayou and bats. You also offer segway tours along the bayou paths and into downtown.

You provide year-round sunshine, and I can run around the 3-mile, tree-lined path at Memorial Park in shorts even in January. I can pretend I'm in the middle of the forest at the Arboretum. The museums are all free on Thursday nights, and I can always find an amazing place to eat.

I can easily get out of Houston on a non-stop flight or in a car-ride to the Hill Country, Galveston, or Louisiana.

You even have public Montessori options in your school district.

You are a glorious city, dear Houston. I will continue to be your enthusiastic advocate and supporter.

With gratitude,

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Coming up with the budget for Henry's 1st birthday.

Updated Life Binder

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

New year, new life binder! Well, not entirely new; I needed a new binder and tabs, so I updated everything a little bit. Would you like a little tour? Here we go:

I use a 1-inch binder with a plastic cover, so I can insert old pages from my Nikki McClure calendar in there. I also need pockets on the inside to store random things (which I have to remind myself to clean out fairly frequently). My most organized friend ever recommends using a sturdy report cover instead of a binder.

Every time I open my binder, the first thing I see is my collage for the year. It's part of my New Year's Reflection Process. It visual represents the kind of year I want to create for myself.

On the back of my collage, I list out my intentions for the year, as well as my roles. Every month, when I do my Reflection & Rejuvenation posts and set my intentions for the upcoming month, I look at this list of yearly goals to figure out what I should tackle in the upcoming month. I also look at my list of roles to see if there's anything I should be doing as a mother, blogger, etc. The box on the right, bottom corner is actually a present from Matt. He gave me several coupons for things like massages, dates, etc. He said they are only valid when presented, so I have to be sure to keep them in a safe spot.

On the next page, I list out my goals for each month (the ones that come to mind at the beginning of the year). For example, I'm going to start working on my Christmas presents in October, so I'm not stressed at the last minute. I also reference this sheet when I sit down to create my goals for each month in the Reflection & Rejuvenation posts.

Under the "Lists" tab, I keep ongoing lists of important but not urgent things, broken down by the different roles in my life (and including a "Catch All") category. For example, I want to create a massive "Baby Guide" for this blog. Every week, when I'm sitting down to generate my weekly to-do list, I look back at these ideas to see if there's anything I want to tackle. These lists help me capture ideas without forgetting them or wasting energy re-remembering them all the time.

Under the "People" tab, I keep lists of things I want to talk about with people (instead of sending a gazillion separate e-mails, I can consolidate things into one meeting or one e-mail). For example, when I need to create an agenda for a Montessori For All board meeting, I can reference this page to see what we need to talk about. I also keep a list of gifts to buy and blog posts to write. I use sticky notes, since some of the categories fill up faster than others and I don't want to have to rewrite the whole sheet all the time.

Under the "Upcoming" tab, I keep things like agendas for upcoming meetings or admission tickets to conferences.

Behind that, I have my calendar pages.

I love reading about how others organize their lives, so I thought I would contribute to the dialogue with an update about my system!

My Healthiest Version of Myself

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

I need to buy a new pair of jeans. I'm the kind of person who hangs onto clothing for as long as possible because 1) it's better for the budget 2) it's better for the environment and 3) I don't really enjoy shopping.

But my jeans have a hole in them, so it's time to invest in a new pair. I'm at a crossroads, though, because I'm not sure what size to get. The jeans with a hole are my pre-pregnancy jeans. I couldn't fit into them for a long, long time after Henry was born, so I bought a pair that was two sizes bigger, so I had something to wear while my body adjusted.

Eventually, those larger jeans started getting loose and I could finally squeeze into my original jeans. Then, the holidays hit, the stress of trying to sell our house and move to a new city hit, my 65-000-word book deadline hit, and traveling for two weeks with a 10 month-old hit. Suddenly I couldn't comfortably squeeze into my original jeans any more.

I'm back to wearing the two-sizes-bigger jeans (with a belt). Clearly, I'm currently at the size in-between the original and the post-partum jeans. Yes, I could buy that size for my new pair of jeans, but I don't want to. I want to get back to my normal size--the size I am when I'm eating a healthy amount.

The thing is, this post isn't even about my jean size. My jean size is a mere symptom of something larger. When I'm stressed or bored or sad or scared, I turn to food for comfort. When I eat unhealthy foods or quantities, then I feel even worse physically. Once I'm eating unhealthy things in unhealthy quantities, I feel defeated and convince myself that I might as well continue doing it since I already started.

I understand why I feel stressed and uncertain right now. 2012 is the year of making dreams happen. It's scary. The ground is shifting and I'm trying to secure my footing.

I forgive myself for feeling the way I do; I can't control that. But I can control my response to those feelings. I can remind myself of my healthy intentions and re-commit to them:

I am the kind of person who avoids drinking unnecessary calories. I save caloric drinks for special occasions and instead drink water on a daily basis (and lots of it!).
I avoid processed foods and artificial sweeteners and instead opt for whole foods.
I eat three smaller meals throughout the day and two healthy snacks. When I eat my snacks, I prepare a small serving--I don't eat something straight out of the bag.
I avoid tempting (but disgusting) foods that pop up in social situations all the time (e.g., grocery store birthday cake, chips, candy, etc.).
I routinely avoid fried foods and instead opt for salads or fruit as my sides when we go out to eat (and make an exception no more than once a week). I limit my intake of unhealthy restaurant food, such as chips and bread before the meal.
I try to eat dessert only once or twice a week, and when I eat it, I eat a small portion, intentionally savoring each bite.
I take Henry and Hoss for an hour-long walk at least five times a week.
I go on one 3-mile jog and one 6-mile jog by myself every week.
I go to yoga once a week.

I just started running again for the first time in almost two years. I stopped running when I got pregnant, and I haven't started up again since the birth (since my midwife said it was hard on the joints for women who breastfeed). I'll need to work my way back up to six miles.

I need to find a new place to do yoga in Austin. I just changed my Groupon city, so hopefully I'll come across a good deal.

I need to get back into the routine of healthy eating (e.g., green smoothie for breakfast, protein bar for morning snack, cheese stick and fruit for afternoon snack), so that I'm giving my body what it needs to sustain itself. My hope is that the routine of eating healthy foods and exercising becomes the thing that comforts me, rather than junk food.

As part of making healthy eating and exercising a habit, I need to schedule it in. When we move to Austin (literally any day now) and we have new schedules, I need to figure out when to fit in grocery shopping every week, running, walking, and yoga.

In terms of accountability, I'm going to use Joe's Goals to track my progress. (Robyn suggested it in the Feeding the Soil health and wellness forum.) Or I might just record it on my calendar. Either way, I want to have a tangible place to track how well I'm doing on my intentions.

As Stephen Covey says, "Accountability breeds responsibility." I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I want to make time for preparing good food and exercising. I want to be my healthiest version of myself.

Drinking from a Cup

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

When Henry started eating solid foods around four months, we immediately started giving him water from a real glass instead of a sippy cup. There are several reasons why this is common in a Montessori environment:

Children who use real glass learn from a very young age that they have to be careful. They can't throw their glass on the ground without real consequences (i.e., the glass breaking).
Children from 0-6 years-old are watching the world around them and trying to imitate it to the best of their abilities. They want to do what the adults around them are doing. If we drink from glasses, they want to drink from glasses, too.
Children build their confidence and their self-worth when they master challenging tasks.

In the beginning, we gave Henry a lot of support. We only filled the glass with the tiniest bit of water, and we helped hold it. For the first time the other day (at 10.5 months). He picked up the glass and drank independently.

We're still working on setting the glass back down...

Childcare Changes

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

Henry Jones is about to turn one. Can you believe it? He is almost an entire year old.

Wow.

In the Montessori community, that means it's time for him to spend a couple hours a day in a community. By spending time with other children every day, Henry will learn how to contribute meaningful to a group (which will build his self-worth) and how to interact with others respectfully. He'll be inspired to continue to develop and grow by watching older children. And he'll have fun!

Although I am incredibly thankful that I was able to stay home with Henry for the first year of his life (mainly by tightening our spending) and wouldn't change that decision for anything, I have to say that I am elated to officially join the ranks of those who are employed outside the home. It's not that I haven't been working; I've actually been working a handful of jobs. It's just that all of my working has been squeezed into Henry's nap times, and it's basically been me, working alone on my bed (watching the video monitor for signs that my work time was about to come to an end).

Don't get me wrong: Henry and I get out of the house every day, and we connect with other moms and babies multiple times a week (through daily walks, baby time at the library, play dates, etc). But it doesn't leave me feeling sated and fully alive, which is why I'm looking forward to the next stage in Henry's development.

Once we move to Austin, Henry will start going to a former Montessori teacher's house three times a week for a couple hours. If Matt takes care of getting Henry ready and taking him there (just a few streets away!), then I can wake up at 5:30am and start working. Once Henry is weaned from his 7am feeding, then I can leave the house at 6am and be to the school where I'm working as the Director of Operations and Compliance at 6:30am. I can get in a full half-day of work before picking Henry up. Once we're home, I'm sure he'll need a nap, which means I'll have some time to blog. In the late afternoon/evening, Henry and I can make dinner together while Matt finishes up his work.

To cover the two days he won't be in childcare, I'm going to start looking for another parent with a child near Henry's age who is interested in a childcare swap. I could watch Henry + their child one morning and they could do it the other day. That would give me four solid days of working outside the home.

From my limited experience with this kind of stuff, this arrangement sounds ideal. Henry will get his developmental needs met, I will get to work part-time (which is good for my sanity/passion/bank account), and I'll still have quality time to be a good mom for Henry (every afternoon and evening).

Green Smoothies!

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

I am so happy to be back in my green smoothie routine. I drank them every day of my 2nd and 3rd trimester, since I was trying to build up my iron stores without having to take an iron supplement (trying to avoid constipation...).
After the birth, Matt continued to make one for me every day (spinach/kale + frozen mango + 1/2 banana + 1 c yogurt) until Henry was diagnosed with a dairy sensitivity. Henry still seems to have a bit of a sensitivity (he has really dry skin, which has a 50% chance of coming from a food sensitivity), but we are getting back into the green smoothie routine. Drinking green smoothies is such an amazing way for someone like me (i.e., a person who doesn't like to cook greens for dinner) to get a daily dose of leafy greens. Well, Matt and I do eat a salad nearly every night, but we usually use spring mix.

It's highly likely that Henry will get pickier and pickier with his eating as he gets older, so I'm hopeful that green smoothies will continue to be a tasty way to fill him up with fruits and vegetables. It's better than drinking juice because it's the whole fruit (fiber and all). And even though I still haven't been able to splurge on the coveted Vitamix, I don't really have any problems making smoothies in a regular blender. In fact, after Henry broke our blender, I invested in a super-cheap, single serving blender (you twist off the blender from the base and it becomes a travel cup!) and it works fine, too.

This week I'm going to try to pair different fruits and veggies for variety...

Thoughts on Dreaming Big and Making It Happen

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

I don't normally do Q&A on this blog, but I received a really thoughtful set of questions that I think has wide relevance. Here's what she shared:

I'm not proud to admit it, but I often feel that I don't live up to my potential. For example, I got my master's degree in social work at considerable emotional, intellectual, and financial difficulty. My plan was to become a psychotherapist and yet four years later, I am still working in a psychiatric hospital doing case management. I don't really like where my career is right now but am not sure how to change it. I love to read and write but often find myself surfing the net or watching TV to zone out after a stressful day or during down time. I find it difficult to find the internal drive/motivation that you seem to possess in great quantity to be more productive and live up to my true potential. I'm wondering what drives you to push yourself and reach extremely challenging goals like creating a school, creating a community, writing a book and how you have the energy to do it when you are also putting so much of yourself into raising your son. Secondly, I would also love to see a post on how you arrived at your specific goals. Being home with my daughter, I've had a lot of time to think about where I want my career, personal life, family, etc. to be in the future and am having a lot of trouble figuring out what I want out of life and articulating specific goals to strive towards. How did you come to your specific aspirations/life goals? Especially, is there anything that has inspired your to dream so big for yourself and your family? For example, how did you go from being a Montessori teacher and having an interest in the Montessori philosophy/way of life to wanting to open up your own Montessori charter school? Also, I would love to hear more about how you have handled the emotional aspect of all you have taken on. You have talked about the fear and anxiety you have experienced, but I would like to learn more about where you find the strength to manage these difficult emotions and whether you ever get time for yourself!

What challenging questions! Let me take them one by one:

What drives me? Several things. First of all, my biological father never wanted to have anything to do with me (he was older, he already had another family), and so I think he left a deep hole inside of me. From a very young age, I became an achiever to prove to myself and others that I am worthy of love, attention, and respect. If I couldn't get it from my father, then I tried to get it from everyone else through achievement. Further, either because of nurture or nature, achievement is ingrained into the fiber of my being. I actually get pleasure from planning things and then doing them. Finally, this Mary Oliver quote resonates with me so deeply: "What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" I'm driven to live my best possible life, while I'm here for this very short time. I am so thankful to all the people who came before me and positively impacted the world that I now live in, and I am eager to do the same for future generations.

How do I have the energy to do it while also raising my son? This answer is two-pronged: Doing things I love (i.e., pursuing my passion related to educational equity, building community, etc.) gives me energy. Most of the time. Sometimes it scares me. And sometimes I don't have the energy. On those days, I just take a nap or go to bed early.

How did I arrive at my big goals? That's such an important question. My college courses inspired me to actively want to make the world better. But I had several different passions that ignited my commitment to social justice: sex education, gay rights, and education. I started doing things in those areas: applying for a grant to study sex education, starting a gay rights group on campus, working in education as an AmeriCorps member. I tried to pay close attention to what made my heart sing. I continued to apply for opportunities that interested me (my mom has always told me that you should apply to everything and then make a decision about what you want to do rather than making the decision before you even apply). I applied for a Fullbright to study sexuality education in the Netherlands and I applied for Teach For America. I didn't get the Fullbright, and then I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to teach. I even applied for an extension on the deadline to matriculate (and then still replied late!). In that moment, I knew that choosing TFA would mean that I would be choosing education, and I wasn't ready to make that commitment.

But making that commitment has allowed me to focus. I get to infuse gay rights and sex education into the work I do with educational equity, but choosing a focus has allowed me to streamline my efforts.

I constantly apply the process of assess, analyze, act. I collect data about how it's going, reflect on my findings, generate "next steps," implement those next steps, and then start collecting data all over again. In other words, I'm constantly striving and seeking to improve myself and my situation. (Of course this approach has its downsides, as well. It's difficult for me to celebrate the positive sometimes, and I struggle to live in the moment.) Journaling helps me a lot, although I don't make nearly enough time for it. When I journal, I promise myself that absolutely no one else is allowed to read it. That way, it's just me talking to me. I find myself saying shockingly honest things. It's a great place to sort out what I really want versus what I think would impress other people. Making time for introspection has allowed me to craft a trajectory toward my goals. My work in college led me to AmeriCorps, which led me to KIPP, which led me to observe at a Montessori school, which led me to get trained in Montessori, which led me to teach, which led me to want to start a school that blends the best of all my experiences. In each experience, I paid attention to what was working and what wasn't and then made my next step accordingly.

As far as fear and anxiety go and where I find the strength to manage those emotions, I just make myself do it. It's really as simple (and as difficult) as that. I just take something scary (like "start a charter school") and break it down into the smallest chunks possible and write them on my to-do list. If anything on my to-do list is scary, I just give myself a little pep talk and remind myself that it's okay to be nervous on the inside, but I need to project confidence on the outside. If that doesn't work, I turn to my best friend or husband for help.

And, yes, I get time for myself! I'm with Henry 10 hours a day. He sleeps for about three of those hours. I use those three hours as strategically as possible. When Matt gets home, we share Henry-duty. Most of the time that means we co-parent. Sometimes, if I've had a really stressful day, Matt volunteers to take Henry somewhere so I can be alone (or lets me go off by myself). Henry goes to bed between 7 and 7:30, so I have several more hours every evening. Then on weekends, Matt and I divide the day up. He takes Henry for a shift, I take Henry for a shift, and then the rest of the time is Family Time. That way, both of us get free time.

Since bulleted lists are my friend, I'll try to extrapolate some of the things I've done over the years to find and pursue my passions and keep my energy levels up:

Find what you really want to do, not what other people want you to do or what you think other people want you to do. When I was in high school, I read a memoir called An Unknown Woman. I haven't read it in about 15 years, so I don't remember it clearly. But I do remember realizing that we absolutely must live our lives for ourselves. We owe it to ourselves and the world to live our most authentic life possible.
Expose yourself to as many possibilities as possible (through blogs, magazines, TV, etc.). Think big. Think creatively.
Try out different things (new classes, new opportunities, etc.) to see what resonates with you
Eat a healthy diet, exercise, stay hydrated, and get enough sleep! These things impact our energy levels and our happiness.
Be really strategic about time management
Avoid piddling away time on Facebook, TV, internet surfing, etc. (of course it make sense to use those things intentionally for down time, but they can be major time-sucks if you let them fill up all your waking moments)
Put a process in place for helping yourself reflect (such as journaling every night, drinking tea on the back porch while staring into space, etc.)

There are also life coaching books and websites that can help with the process of introspection.

Wishing you the very best!

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Sebrina's plan for making over a 1980s wedding dress.

Birthday Planning

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

My birthday's coming up on February 9! (Just in case you're curious, I'm turning 34.)

It's time to start planning my birthday party. This year, I want to be one-step ahead in the planning department (hello Halloween costume designing in August...). Besides, before I know it, it's going to be time to start planning Henry's birthday (February 28).

So, this year poses a bit of a challenge. We are probably moving to Austin at the end of January. I have a couple friends in Austin, but the thought of throwing myself a birthday party and inviting a couple friends doesn't sound appealing (mainly because that's what I did last year).

We could plan a weekend getaway, but we're in money-conservation mode as we save up to build our dream house.

Hm...maybe we could all go to Portland so I could attend professional development for Montessori administrators? (Thanks for telling me about it, Carrie!) Perhaps I could convince Matt to let me use the revenue from the most recent Purposeful Conception class (which started yesterday, so you're welcome to join us!) to shlep everyone to Oregon (instead of putting the money into our general fund like I usually do).

Does anyone have a guest room in Portland for my little family of three so we could save on hotel costs?

Hmm...I'm thinking, thinking.

10 Months: Happy Birthday, Henry!

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

Oh, dearest Henry, what shall I share about you this month?

Everyone you come into contact with exclaims, "He's such a happy baby!" And your relatives call you a "sweet, sweet" boy.

I think your number one favorite thing is food. You can't get enough of it! Your second favorite thing is dogs. They always bring a smile to your face, especially when they lick you in the face. Your third favorite thing is probably stairs. You love to climb higher and higher. You also know how to climb down stairs, although that process is much harder. First you test out the distance with your arm. When you sense that it's too far down, you turn around and let your feet hit first. You learned this from getting off our bed every morning. You also know how to get off of couches. It's adorable!

You still don't seem close to walking yet, even though you've been pulling up on everything and anything for months now. You do let go and reach for things, but only very small distances.

You have so many teeth! Your two on the bottom came first, then your two fangs, and finally your top middle teeth. But you hate showing them to anyone. I try to sneak peaks at them when you're laughing. When I try to feed you hummus off a chip, you bite the chip.

You like to give high-fives, and you crash your face into mine if I ask you for a kiss. You love to play hide-and-seek.

You are still an amazing sleeper. You pretty much sleep from 7:30pm-7am. You go to sleep all by yourself at night. Now that you're only taking two naps a day, you also go down for naps by yourself. We are very thankful!

Your favorite toys are cords. Oh, I almost forgot that we started to go to playgrounds this month! You still put stuff in your mouth, but it's not as constant as it was for the first nine months of your life. You like to crawl around in the mulch, pull yourself up on stuff, climb stairs, swing, and watch the other kids (you are very observant and curious and love to watch the world around you).

Thank you for being the sweet boy that you are.

All our love...

P.S. During this month's photo shoot you wanted to turn the flag every which way and look at it from different angles.

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REMINDER: The next Purposeful Conception Course: Preparing Your Mind, Body, and Life for Pregnancy starts this weekend on January 15. Register today! We'd love to have you join us!

My Organization System for Motherhood

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

I have a big post coming (in response to a kindred spirit's big questions) about motivation and passion and goals. But I decided that I would start with something related yet simpler: my daily organization system.

I could write a sonnet to my daily organization system. It is the reason I'm able to accomplish anything.

In general, my organization system is a binder that includes my yearly goals, my monthly goals, and then my weekly to-do lists. I detail the whole system on the Organization page. (And I'd be remiss if I wrote a whole post about organization and didn't mention my mentor Maia and my favorite book about organization.)

Although my overarching system stays the same from year to year and job to job, my daily to-do list changes in response to the nature of my daily demands. Now that I'm staying home with Henry full-time, my system is simple, simple, simple: I combine my monthly calender with my daily to-do list.

Here's how I do it:

On my calendar page for the month, I put a sticky note for the week that lists out everything I need to do for the week. I add to this list throughout the week as things come up.
Then on each day, I block out chunks of time to tackle various things. My day with Henry generally looks like this: Awake time (7-9:30am), Nap time (9:30-11:00am), Awake (11am-2pm), Nap (2-4pm), Awake (4-7:30pm), Bed (I have time from 7:30-9:30pm). Of course there are days when he sleeps an hour rather than 1.5 hours in the morning, or he's so tired he has to nap before 2pm or gets overtired and skips a nap altogether. But, in general, he's pretty predictable from day to day.

I write the following abbreviations on every weekday to represent what my time with Henry looks like.
A:
N:
A:
N:
A:
B:

On Sunday, I look at my to-do list and plot tasks into each chunk of time. This weekly meeting with myself is very important. I use it to look at my calendar for the week, look back at my monthly goals to see what small piece I want to tackle this week, reference my lists of "Things I Want to Do Someday," etc.

Our first awake time is always breastfeeding, playing in bed, solid food breakfast, and a walk. During Henry's nap time, I plug in things like writing blog posts, working on Montessori For All, etc.

That way, when Henry goes down, I don't waste a second trying to scan a list and see what I should do (or, worse, scan my head). I just look at my plan and get started right away.

The trick to making this system work for me is making sure that I curb my optimism. I always think I can get more done than I actually can. I try to account for my inability to estimate correctly by purposefully overestimating. If I think it's going to take me three nap cycles to write all my blog posts for the week, I schedule set aside five nap cycles. That way, if a nap gets messed up or something else urgent and important comes up, I don't have to get frustrated. I just remind myself that I have a cushion. If I think I need time to decompress instead of cramming in work, I can schedule that, too.

This system works really well for me because it helps me get everything out of my head. I don't waste any time re-remembering things I have to do. (Sometimes I get sick of my system and refuse to write things down, but those mini-tantrums are temporary.) This system also helps me set goals for myself and then follow-through on all the action steps needed to make those goals happen.

A note about "scheduling" a baby: I don't make Henry follow my schedule. I pay close attention to his needs and then draft a daily rhythm that reflects and meets those needs. Our day together has changed many times as his awake time has grown longer and his naps have decreased down to two. Having a rhythm to our day helps both of us. It's easy for me to anticipate and meet his needs when I know where he is in a particular cycle, he can feel more secure because he knows what to expect, and I know when to schedule work time or phone meetings.

Again, the trick to all of this is being open to revision. My system changes depending on the demands of my job, and my work times vary in response to Henry's needs. When he is awake, I am fully present (although I do work on chores around the house to facilitate his independence). I put away my computer (unless something truly urgent and important comes up). When he's napping, I get right to work (after showering), so I'm able to pursue my passions and make progress toward my goals.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: A shout out to a book about delineating your strengths.

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REMINDER: The next Purposeful Conception Course: Preparing Your Mind, Body, and Life for Pregnancy starts this weekend on January 15. Register today! We'd love to have you join us!

New Year's Intentions

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

From the Nikki McClure Calendar

I apologize for just now getting around to formulating and sharing my intentions for 2012. It's been a hectic holiday with a 16-hour road trip to Florida with a baby and a bloodhound, a plane ride to Indiana and back to Florida, a road trip to the other coast of Florida, a week of being on Henry duty 24-hours a day since Matt had to go back to work in Houston, a weekend with my bonus family (the in-laws) in Orlando for the Disney Marathon (Matt was running, not me), and then another plane trip back to Houston, all while talking with the Buyer's realtor about inspections and appraisals, communicating with the title company to ensure we're ready for closing, searching for a rental house in Austin, turning in my 65,000-word manuscript to my editor, and trying to do some work for Montessori For All.

So, here's to a new year! Woo-hoo!

I loved Andrea's idea of generating a phrase for the year. I like mantras. They are short, easy to remember, and powerful. My mantra for 2012 is:

This is the year to make dreams happen.

Whenever I set goals, I like to think about the accountability that goes along with them. How will I ensure that I follow-through with my intentions? What will be my process for checking in with myself and sustaining my motivation throughout the entire year? What is my process for moving from yearly goals to daily goals?

That reminds me. I've been reading one of my Christmas presents--Strengths Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams, and Why People Follow--and they feature Wendy Kopp, the founder of Teach For America. She explains that she starts with yearly goals, breaks them down into monthly goals, then into weekly goals, and finally into daily goals. Awesomeness!

Here we go:

Montessori For All Executive Director:

Recruit a strong board of directors
Complete the charter application for the state of Texas
Generate significant, diverse community support (in the form of a long student waiting list, financial support, community partnerships)
Raise money (the specific amount is yet to be determined)
Read a leadership or curriculum book every month
Observe at three or more excellent Montessori schools around the country

Director of Operations and Compliance for Austin Achieve:

Be awesome at my new job (I've been volunteering, but it's going to turn into a part-time, paid position in April!)

Community Builder in Austin:

Purchase a piece of land
Convince three other families/people to purchase land next to us for our pocket neighborhood
Design and start building a house
Host a quirky party every month
Do something every month to build a support network in Austin (batch cooking party, craft date, etc.)

Mother:

Read a parenting book every month
Be patient with Henry's need to do things for himself from 10-22 months
Set a specific goal each month, based on Henry's developmental needs

Blogger:

Publish consistently on Feeding the Soil (4x per week) and 2000 Dollar Wedding (3x per week)
Respond consistently to comments and develop more friendships with readers

Author:

Revise my book to make it as useful as possible
Work with Kylie to self-publish a book related to Montessori

Purposeful Conception E-course:

Consistently run courses
Find a partner to take the course to the next level

Self:

Read a fiction book every month
Run at least three times per week
Do one sun salutation before bed every night
Adopt the mantra "let it go," when I find myself complaining about something, being jealous of someone, getting unnecessarily frustrated, or being judgmental
Implement a Relaxation Ritual every night before bed (sun salutation, reading for fun, talking with Matt)
Make awesome Halloween costumes

Friend/Family Member:

Send birthday cards
Give thoughtful Christmas presents

Now it's time to break those yearly goals into monthly goals. Here's what I intend to accomplish in January:

Select at least three people for the Montessori For All Board of Directors.
Follow our project plan for getting our house ready for our move to Austin.
Find a good rental house in Austin.
Get unpacked and settled in Austin fast.
Read Strengths Based Leadership.
Read Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys.
Help Henry build his iron supplies with a green smoothie every day (he's slightly anemic).
Publish consistently on my two blogs.
Finish my sections for the Montessori book I'm working on with Kylie.
Participate daily in the Purposeful Conception e-course.
Read Love Medicine.
Run at least three times per week.
Do one sun salutation before bed every night.
Send birthday cards.
Plan my birthday party.

I have other ideas that I'd like to include in these lists (like a Feeding the Soil retreat!), but I don't want to overstretch myself. This is a lot. It's doable, but it's a lot. There's always next year.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: My idea for a 5-year anniversary party in 2013.

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REMINDER: The next Purposeful Conception Course: Preparing Your Mind, Body, and Life for Pregnancy starts this weekend on January 15. Register today! We'd love to have you join us!

Register Now! Purposeful Conception E-Course

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

Yippee! I'm delighted to announce that registration is now open for the next Purposeful Conception course, starting on January 15. I love the January course because this time of year is such fertile ground for reflection and intention. This course is an excellent way to help you take stock of your mind, body, and life, identify next steps, and continue to help your fullest potential reveal itself.

The course will start on January 15 and last until February 10. You will still be able to access the course materials for two weeks after the end date, so don't worry if you have a conflict during the class.

Please feel free to e-mail me if you have personal questions about your situation and whether or not the course would be useful to you.

I created this course more than a year ago, and now Henry is a chubby ten month-old with almost six teeth. I can't believe it! And I love that so many former Purposeful Conception participants have welcomed their own babies into their homes. Every day, I am so, so thankful for a healthy conception, pregnancy, and birth. There's so much uncertainty in the process; there's so much that can go wrong at any turn. The best we can do is put our focus, energy, and time toward the aspects of the process that we can control. It's not about being excessive planners trying to control everything about our lives. It's about acknowledging that raising a child is one of life's most significant undertakings, and it deserves our attention, thought, and mindfulness. When we approach conception in this way, we set ourselves up to approach pregnancy and then parenthood with the same thoughtfulness.

So exciting!

For more information, you can read the general description, the course overview, or the about the author page.

Hope to see you there!

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: The $30,000 baby

New Year's Reflection

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

I enjoyed using Andrea's form to reflect on the past year. In an effort to make myself more vulnerable, I thought I would share my reflections with you:

What did you create?

A fun baby shower bowling party
A fun birthday brunch
A B-A-B-Y!
A book about how to plan a meaningful and memorable wedding without losing your savings or sanity
A website for the national organization I'm trying to start
A rejuvenated look for this blog (thanks, Sebrina!)
An outline for my next book
A meal planning club
A babysitting co-op

What challenges did you face with courage and strength?

New motherhood was definitely a challenge for me. It honestly took (and continues to take) all the strength I have. I am unbelievably grateful for my sweet boy and thank the universe on a daily basis for keeping him safe, but the identify shift has been difficult for me.
Trying to sell our house has been a difficult process that has filled me with insecurity and uncertainty.
I'm incredibly thankful that my two biggest challenges are not really very bad at all.

What promises did you keep?

I blogged regularly here.
I ran Purposeful Conception courses regularly.
I met my book deadline!
I mailed pictures to the grandparents and updated our scrapbook every month.
I mailed birthday cards throughout the year.

What brave choices did you make?

I attempted to give birth at home.
I'm attempting to sell our home FSBO.

What are you proud of?

See everything I created.
Working really hard to be the best mother I can be.
Following through on a lot of promises to myself.
Walking for almost an hour and a half almost every day.

What was disappointing?

Transferring to the hospital after forty hours of labor at home and requiring Pitocin.
Having a difficult time adjusting to new motherhood.
Watching my blog traffic decline.
Trying to partner with two different people to write a book about Montessori in the home and not having it work out.
Listening to myself complain and whine a lot.
Watching myself be jealous of other people's success.
Resorting to food whenever I felt stressed, anxious, bored, tired.

What was scary?

Getting diagnosed with cholestasis at the end of my pregnancy and having to decide between induction (because of the increased risk of stillbirth) and waiting.
Recruiting board members for Montessori For All.

What was hard?

Completely immersing myself in motherhood.

What can you forgive yourself for?

Not learning Spanish like I promised I would.
Procrastinating on my book.
Not yet filing for 501(c)(3) status for Montessori For All like I had hoped to.
Not reading as much fiction as I wanted to.

The next step is to say out loud, “I declare 2011 complete!”
How do you feel? If you don’t feel quite right, there might be one more thing to say…

2011, I just want to say that I am overwhelmed with gratitude for everything in my life. I have so much hope and optimism as I head into 2012 because of everything you brought into my life (and allowed me to bring into my life) in 2011.

The final step is to consider your primary focus for the year to come. What is your primary intention or theme for 2012?

2012 is the year to make dreams happen.

What is your primary intention or theme for 2012? I loved reading about Kelly's over at One Hundred Scarves.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: A letter to my dear book manuscript. It's turned in!

Moving Day To-Do List

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 11:18:00 +0000

Holy Moly, Matt and I got an offer on our house!

I will go into all the details once we officially seal the deal. We still have to get through the inspection period. In the meantime, it's time to start planning a move (which might happen as early as Jan. 26). I really want to purge and organize everything before it gets put into boxes. There's no reason to move stuff we don't use.

If you have your own desire to declutter and organize, you might find this calendar for the year helpful. Moxie shared it in the Feeding the Soil community, and it looks awesome.

Here's our crazy-crunch plan:

Mon. 1/9

Organize all the paperwork in our bedroom closet and revise our system for the future.

Tues. 1/10

Prepare the living room, purging and organizing everything, so that it is completely ready to go in boxes.

Wed. 1/11

Prepare the dining room, purging and organizing everything, so that it is completely ready to go in boxes.

Thurs. 1/12

Prepare the kitchen, purging and organizing everything, so that it is completely ready to go in boxes.

Fri. 1/13

Prepare Henry's room, purging and organizing everything, so that it is completely ready to go in boxes.

Sat. 1/14

Prepare the attic, purging and organizing everything, so that it is completely ready to go in boxes.

Sun. 1/15

Rest and catch up!

Mon. 1/16

Prepare the bathroom, purging and organizing everything, so that it is completely ready to go in boxes.

Tues. 1/17

Prepare the master bedroom, purging and organizing everything, so that it is completely ready to go in boxes.

Wed. 1/18

Pack the craft closet into boxes.

Thurs. 1/19

Pack the master bedroom closet into boxes.

Fri. 1/20

Pack the bathroom into boxes.

Sat. 1/21

Clean out the chicken coup and move the chickens to Austin.

Sun. 1/22

Pack the kitchen into boxes.

Mon. 1/23

Pack the master bedroom into boxes.

Tues. 1/24

Pack Henry's room, the dining room, and the living room into boxes. Wash all the rugs. Pull everything out of the attic.

Wed. 1/25

Host a moving party and invite friends over to help us pack up the truck. The last thing we will do is vacuum before packing the vacuum in the truck. That night, Matt and I will sleep on the mattress from the pull-out couch, Henry will sleep on his floor bed, and Hoss will sleep on his bed. We will have one suitcase, cleaning supplies, and the hand vacuum with us. That night, we will patch holes in the walls and clean absolutely everything one last time.

Thurs. 1/26

Closing day! Matt will drive the truck and I will drive one of our cars. We will leave our other car at a friend's house. We will come back for the other car soon. Alternatively, we will tow the car behind the truck, depending on cost options.

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Today at 2000 Dollar Wedding: A conversation about courage and a link to my friend's new blog about doing something that scares you every week.

Vegetarian Meal Plans for a Year

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 11:10:00 +0000

Happiest 20212!

I'm ecstatic to announce a new year's present to the Feeding the Soil community. Thirteen of us compiled an entire year's worth of delicious, healthy, fast, vegetarian recipes in a convenient, user-friendly, meal plan format: Meals for a Year.

What the resource includes:

An introduction that explains the guidelines we used to select the recipes
Bios of the women who painstakingly selected the recipes
A meal plan for each month of the year that includes 20 recipes
Shopping lists for each week that are organized a) by recipes (in case you want to make only one or two of the recipes) and b) by section of the grocery store.

It's still a work in progress, so definitely e-mail me if you come across some glitches.

I have to confess that I've already started using this amazing resource. I'm eager to try out new recipes all year long without having to devote time to meal planning every week.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Read about the Power of Partnership. I'm so thankful to Matt for all his support as I rushed to meet my book deadline.

Free Reflection Worksheet

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 03:42:00 +0000

I'm taking a tiny little break from revising the acknowledgements segment of my book, and I came across this lovely reflection worksheet from Andrea over at Superhero Journal. I'm eager to sit down with it and immerse myself in introspection!

I hope your holiday season is unfolding joyfully...

Miss you!

Vacation! (Or Putting This Blog to Sleep for a Short Nap)

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 11:49:00 +0000

Actually, that's a misnomer. It will feel like I'm vacation to those of you who frequent this here blog, but I'm actually going to be too busy to post. My book deadline (about how to plan a meaningful and memorable wedding without losing your savings or sanity) is January 1. Although I wrote 55,000+ words a couple years ago while I was looking for an agent, I still have to devote massive time and energy toward finishing the last 10,000 words and revising and reorganizing the whole thing.

Plus, we'll be traveling to see both families this year. We'll drive to Florida to see my family (in the Tampa and Orlando/DeLand area) and then fly to Indiana (Bloomington area) to see Matt's family.

I will try to pop in here and there to say hello and share interesting ideas, but I can't make any promises!

I do know that I'll be filling out my New Year's Reflection Form to reflect on the past year and set my intentions for the upcoming year.

I hope your next couple weeks are filled with joy, connection, rest, rejuvenation, and delicious food! I feel so thankful to have this community and this space in my life. Thank you for being here!

Be well,