Feeding the Soil

Father's Day Recap

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 10:10:00 +0000

On Friday afternoon I realized that Father's Day was--um--right around the corner. Henry and I have a tradition of making Matt a card with one of Henry's footprints. But beyond that, I was clueless. I brainstormed ideas as I drove to pick up Henry from daycare. I thought of just the thing to buy Matt, but then I decided that I didn't want to set a precedent of buying him a big present for Father's Day (since it's already hard enough to come up with good ideas for Christmas and his birthday).

So I tabled the present idea and instead decided to have a "sweet treat" theme for the entire weekend. Henry and I rushed to Whole Foods to grab a gluten-free muffin mix for breakfast on Saturday, gluten-free cupcakes for Saturday night, and gluten-free cinnamon rolls for Sunday morning.

Matt loves sweet things, but we don't usually keep those kinds of things around the house. I think it was the perfect way to celebrate all the sweetness he brings into our lives.

Meal Plan Update

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Master sheet with drop down menu

Final shopping list with the selected meals + standard list

Printed shopping list

I'm so happy that my initial enthusiasm about our new format for meal planning still stands! We've been using the new approach consistently for two months.

On Sunday afternoon, Henry and I open up the Excel document and click on the five meals we want to eat that week. We also click on our "Standard List." Excel then spits out our shopping list for the week (organized by section of the grocery store). We print and we're on our way to the grocery store!

When I explained the system to my neighbor, she said that when she was growing up, her family ate the same five meals every week. While I absolutely understand the drive to make things as easy as possible, I also don't want to drag my family into a rut. That's why the trick to our new meal planning system is going to be pushing ourselves to add new recipes from time to time so our repertoire is broad and interesting. It's easier said than done because a) we are lazy cooks who want a meal to take 30 minutes from start to finish b) we are cheap cooks who don't want to spend much money on a ton of ingredients c) we are vegetarian d) Matt has a gluten allergy and e) we are kind of snobby about ingredients and don't like to take too many shortcuts by starting with processed foods.

Aaahhh!

Anyway, I'm declaring my intention here so I make it a habit: I need to regularly try out new recipes to identify more candidates for our repertoire. A concrete next step would be to add a food blog to my reader. Any ideas for fast, fresh, vegetarian recipes?

In the meantime, I'll share a recipe we added to our repertoire: fried rice. (I apologize if I've already shared this!) We don't use celery, carrots, or peas, but we add shredded cabbage, another egg, and edamame. We also use brown rice instead of white. It's delicious! It's even better the next day...

For those of you who are interested, you can download our meal planning template here. The actual content won't be particularly useful because the ingredient lists are based on the recipes we have in our binder, but the formatting might come in handy.

Montessori Moments: 2 Years, 3 Months

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 10:10:00 +0000

These "Montessori Moments" posts are meant to highlight some of the ways we implement the Montessori method in our home. Many of the activities that are featured--cooking, cleaning together, going out into nature, etc.--overlap with other parenting philosophies or might seem like things that parents just do with their children intuitively. I've still chosen to highlight them here because they are integral to the Montessori approach to parenting and education and fit within a comprehensive continuum of activities that support children as they undergo the important work of forming themselves. For more information about incorporating Montessori into the home, I recommend How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way for a basic overview. For more insight into Montessori as an educational philosophy, I recommend Montessori Today. When trying to implement Montessori with infants and toddlers, I recommend Montessori from the Start and my favorite resource, which is a DVD documentary of Montessori at home with a 20 month old called Edison's Day.

Montessori Moment #1: Vacuuming the Floor

The other night after dinner, Henry climbed out of his high chair, retrieved his vacuum, and began running it over the kitchen floor because he had gotten some food on the floor during dinner. It was such a beautiful moment on so many levels. I love the Montessori emphasis on the connection between competence and confidence. Between the ages of 0 and 6, children are literally working on the formation of their "selves" and constructing their personalities. When they are given opportunities to do the things that the adults around them are doing, they build their self-confidence. He is most successful when we give him child-size tools that he can manipulate. We bought this one at Montessori Services, but you can buy any sweeper that has a segmented handle. When you assemble it, you simply leave out the middle piece of the handle to shorten it for toddlers.

Montessori Moment #2: Peeling Bandaids

Henry has been getting gobbled up by mosquitoes this year and he frequently scratches his bites until they bleed. To prevent this, we cover them with bandaids to let them heal more quickly. Henry loves peeling the bandaids himself (he says it's like peeling a cheese stick). The process takes him forever from start to finish, but we wait patiently so that he can continue to build his fine motor skills in authentic ways, strengthen his focus and concentration, and develop his confidence.

Montessori Moment #3: Hanging the Mobile

We are getting ready to welcome baby Tate any day now. Henry and I hung up a black-and-white mobile for him. I made the mobile for Henry (using this metal mobile as a base), following Montessori principles. First, the mobile is designed to be looked at from the bottom up. I'm frequently surprised by how many nursery mobiles are easier for the adult to see from the side than the baby to see lying underneath it! The mobile is simple with only five separate elements (Montessori recommends about 3-5 to avoid over-stimulation and to help the baby develop focus, concentration, and the ability to track objects). The mobile moves with air currents as opposed to batteries. The mobile is made with abstract pictures (or realistic pictures) as opposed to fantasy pictures because babies are trying to absorb and understand the concrete world. Since the first mobiles in the series are used only when the baby is looking at them (as opposed to batting at or grabbing), I was able to screw only a lightweight hook into the ceiling. I made the cards with thick black-and-white paper. A variety of mobiles is an essential part of implementing Montessori with a newborn. The mobiles provide visual stimulation as they spend time flat on their backs with the freedom to move their arms and legs. Mobiles are considered their first "work."

When Good Is Good Enough

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I've talked a little about how I'm trying to be very intentional about the things I replicate about my pregnancy with Henry and the things that I let go. For example, it was important for me to start a scrapbook for the new baby during my pregnancy, just like I did for Henry. I also made the new baby a simple quilt like I did for Henry.

A while ago, I stated my intention to also make a pillow for his bed. My reasoning was more aesthetic than sentimental; I think Montessori floor beds can look pretty plain. For Henry I designed a little house pillow. This time around, I wanted to use a bigger and more comfortable pillow for breastfeeding in the middle of the night (after about the two-month mark when the baby starts sleeping in his own room). I settled on this design, which I was excited about because I was going to learn how to do piping.

I bought the pillow early on during a trip to IKEA but started dragging my feet about buying fabric. I didn't want to spend money on new fabric, but I also wasn't happy with anything in our existing collection.

And then I hit 36 weeks and started fretting about my lack of preparation. I definitely think I was overcome with panic rather than the classic nesting urge. I finalized our to-do list, starting shopping for non-perishable labor snacks, set up a little lamp with a dimmer switch for breastfeeding, ordered our birthing kit, delegated tasks to Matt, organized our bedroom, etc.

I also decided it was time to do something about the pillow (or lack thereof). I went into our craft room (which also functions as our guest room), and laid down on the futon that we had recently set out for out-of-town guests. I must have laid there for a solid 15 minutes just staring at our tupperware bins full of fabric. These days, it feels so much better to lie down than to stand up. I had serious trouble mustering the motivation to move.

So I didn't. I just lay there and tried to figure out what I wanted to do about the pillow. I happened to be laying on an old pillowcase from IKEA (which I bought in 2003 when I first moved to Houston), and that's when the idea hit me. Why not repurpose one of them into the baby's new pillowcase?

I had to sew two straight lines to decrease the width and height of the pillowcase to make it fit the new pillow. Then I trimmed the excess fabric, turned it right-side-out, put it on the pillow. And voila! A simple, inexpensive solution (that just happens to have sentimental value!).

Still Dreaming of an Intentional Neighborhood

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I know, I know. This post is going to make it sound like I'm never content with what's right in front of me.

Here we are on the verge of moving into an awesome house that we had built on a half-acre of land at the end of a cul-de-sac that backs up to a creek. And I'm about to start talking about our next house after that.

Seriously?

Well, yes and no. On the one hand, I am so eager to put down roots (which is my mantra for the year) and to build ourselves the most amazing little sanctuary. And we're definitely moving forward with this plan (and we're not going to hold back, simply because we might move in the future).

On the other hand, I'm still dreaming and scheming about living in a co-housing community (or, at the very least, a little intentional pocket neighborhood). I worked really hard to find this (and then create it) in Austin, but I just couldn't make it work. But I don't want to give up on the idea. At our current rental house, we have the most amazing neighbors ever. Henry and I head over to their backyard several times a week and spend hours on end just hanging out. Henry explores and I chat. It's such a beautiful and relaxing way to spend an afternoon. Of course you can create this with neighbors (case-in-point) accidentally, but I'd like to create it intentionally.

The other day, Matt was talking about how he'd like to get a weekend house on the lake or how he'd like to find lakefront property in Austin someday. And that's when the idea hit me: Matt and I can save up $50,000 (and find others who can save $50,000 and are interested in community), pool our money, and purchase riverfront property approximately 20-25 minutes east of Austin. Then we can subdivide the land into separate lots and each build our own house at our own pace.

I have no idea how we could afford to live in our almost-built house while building another house, but I'm going to let this idea simmer in the back of my mind....

Reflection & Rejuvenation: June

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Holy moly. It is highly likely that I will give birth this month. Can you believe it? I'm officially due on June 26th, but it kind of seems like Tate (probably?) is itching to come out. He's been super-low the entire pregnancy, and my Braxton-Hicks contractions have been increasing. I'm officially full-term today at 37 weeks, but I'm hoping he can hold on until at least 39 weeks, which increases the chances of more positive outcomes. My mom and brother don't arrive until July 4th, which is another reason I hope he doesn't come too early. My last day of official work is June 26th (although I will continue to volunteer as the Executive Director of my non-profit organization). We're anticipating that our house will be complete around mid-July (we have a couple steps of stucco and drywall left, flooring, trim, cabinetry, paint, and landscaping to go).

The months have literally been flying by. I'm still "making space" in my life for pregnancy with frequent naps and walks (and occasional yoga), but my schedule is just packed between my part-time job at a school, my part-time work to start my own school, picking up Henry every day at 2:45, and blogging.

Let's see how I did with regard to my intentions for the month:

Enjoy quality family time at my cousin's wedding in North Carolina (on the Outer Banks): Yes! That was an easy one.
Get all the surveys done on the land for the school, in addition to contracting with an architect and a civil engineer: One survey is done, and I know which architect and civil engineer we want to go with.
Make significant headway on additional fundraising for the land: Still chugging along!
Get prepared for our home birth by following all of the steps laid out by our midwife: The birth kit has arrived from this store, and I have a list posted on our whiteboard. Now I need to work on it!
Work through the Hynobabies Self-Study Course to master some relaxation techniques in the upcoming months: I went through a lot of rigamarole to borrow someone's book and CDs, and I read through the entire handbook. However, I have not yet started practicing. I'm not sure I can dedicate 30 minutes a day for six entire weeks just to prepare for birth (and this is coming from someone who had a 45-hour first birth). Okay, maybe I'll work on learning one or two relaxation strategies in the next month.
Find a doula: I'm scheduled to attend a doula speed-dating type event this month.
Enjoy our little family of three! Yes! Another easy one...

And what are my hopes for this month--my last month of freedom before reverting to living at the very edge of my capacity? (My apologies for the melodrama...)

Did I mention that I've given up all goals of getting organized before we move? Normally, I like to completely purge and organize before moving into a new house. It seems like a total waste to move unwanted stuff into a new home. But I have zero motivation to undertake big organizational projects. This house does not motivate me to organize it at all! I'm hoping that our new house will...

So, with that goal out of the picture, here's what this month looks like:

Finish preparing for a home birth (and complete everything on my pre-birth to-do list)
Practice a couple self-hypnosis strategies for relaxing during the birth
Pick-up and organize the house just enough to help me feel comfortable giving birth at home and spending a couple weeks recovering here post-partum
Use the babysitting co-op to go on more dates with Matt
Take it easy!

Photo Courtesy of the Nikki McClure Calendar

Book Recommendation: Bebe Day by Day

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I loved reading Bringing Up Bebe (review can be found here), so I was delighted when I realized that the author published a follow-up to the book that is more of a succinct summary of the original book's main points, called Bebe Day by Day: 100 Keys to French Parenting.

I definitely recommend reading the first book before the second one. In isolation, the second book probably wouldn't have as much of an impact, since each principle is only explained in a paragraph or so.

However, since it's been a while since I read the first book, the second book was a perfect refresher. Here are some of the principles that really resonate with the way Matt and I choose to parent:

Don't Panic About Sushi [while Pregnant]: Although I don't eat raw fish because I'm a vegetarian, I appreciate the idea that we shouldn't go through pregnancy within a "culture of fear." I still eat soft cheeses and go in hot-tubs that aren't too hot and sometimes sleep on my back.
The Fetus Doesn't Need Cheesecake & Eat for One (and a Bit): The recommendation is to eat about 300 extra calories a day when pregnant. I feel like in American culture, pregnancy is often seen as the time to indulge because it's the one time we are allowed to gain weight without being made to feel bad about it.
Be Polite [to Baby]
Don't Stimulate Her All the Time
Nudge Him onto a Schedule
Make Vegetables a Child's First Food: I agree that rice cereal is very bland and that we can more quickly introduce interesting foods to babies. That's why I love the Organic Baby & Toddler Cookbook. It's written by a European and it seems to introduce more flavorful and complex foods early on.
Do "The Pause": This strategy is about waiting a little bit before responding to a baby's cries in the night (approximately five minutes--give or take, depending on the family). The delayed response time gives babies a chance to connect their own sleep cycles more often and fall back asleep. According to the book, French babies--on average--tend to sleep through the night more quickly than American babies. Although I don't think I would want to do this with an infant during the Symbiotic Period (which is the first 6-8 weeks of life, during which Montessori believed intense bonding occurs), I might consider this strategy when our next baby hits two months-old.
Sleeping Well Is Better for the Baby
If You Miss the Window for the Pause, Let Baby Cry It Out
There Are No "Kid" Foods & Everyone Eats the Same Thing
There's One Snack a Day: Although Henry eats two snacks a day, I agree with this idea that children will be more likely to eat healthy lunches and dinners if they aren't snacking all day long.
Don't Solve a Crisis with a Cookie
Let Kids Cook
You Choose the Foods, She Chooses the Quantities
Drink Water: Although we do let Henry drink juice at other people's houses, we typically only serve milk and water at our own house.
Eat Chocolate & Let Them Eat Cake: Although we don't keep a lot of unhealthy food around, we do try to model for Henry how to eat sweets in moderation. We tend to eat really healthy food all week long and then treat ourselves on the weekend.
Don't Teach Your Toddler How to Read: I agree with the idea that it's really not useful to make toddlers memorize a bunch of things in order to look smart. They need to spend most of their time working on fine- and gross-motor skills, self-care, language development through authentic conversation, nature exploration, etc.
Don't Rush the Developmental Stages
Teach the Four Magic Words: I agree with the emphasis on explicitly modeling, teaching, and expecting good manners.
Encourage Insouciance
Back Off at the Playground
It's Not Just about Outcomes
Give Kids Lots of Chances to Practice Waiting
Slow Down Your Response Times
Treat Kids as if They Can Control Themselves
Don't Let Your Child Interrupt You: We haven't started on this one yet because Henry is experiencing such a language explosion. However, I know that this will become increasingly important to us.
Don't Interrupt Your Child
Give Kids Meaningful Chores
Build a Cadre: This idea of building a clear structure of boundaries and then giving children freedom within the boundaries really resonates with me.
Don't Become a Referee
Keep the Risks in Perspective
Don't Raise a Praise Addict
Encourage Kids to Speak Well
Show Kids That You Have a Life Apart from Them
Don't Become a "Taxi Mother"
Your Baby Doesn't Replace Your [Partner]
Your Bedroom is Your Castle
Be Clear-Eyed About How Hard Kids Are on a Relationship
Pretend to Agree
Make Evenings Adult Time
Say "No" with Conviction
Say "Yes" as Often as You Can
Explain the Reason Behind the Rule
You're Not Disciplining, You're Educating

And here are some of the ideas I don't want to incorporate into my own family:

Pregnancy Is Not an Independent Research Project: Although I agree with the overarching idea that we shouldn't go too crazy as we prepare for motherhood, I do think there's a lot to learn and think about in preparation for such an undertaking. I'm glad I spent a lot of time learning about how to optimize my health, figuring out what kind of birth made sense for me, learning about the Montessori approach to raising infants, etc.
Epidurals Aren't Evil: Although I agree with the idea that natural childbirth shouldn't be viewed as a "heroic journey in pain tolerance or early proof of the trials a mother is willing to undergo for her child," I do think we have to be cautious when it comes to interventions. While many of the drugs that are used during medicated childbirths have been tested separately, there have been fewer tests on their combined effects. Yes, children are quite resilient, but the younger they are, the more fragile their systems are. We're seeing more and more children affected with neurological issues these days (autism, sensory processing disorder, ADHD, etc.). Although there isn't a lot of research on the topic, I still think it's better to be cautious when it comes to exposing ourselves and our babies to toxins.
Baby Formula Isn't Poison: Again, I agree with the notion that mothers shouldn't become martyrs and that breastfeeding shouldn't be seen "as a measure of the mom," but I do appreciate the cultural shift that has happened in America toward embracing the benefits of breastfeeding. I personally believe that breastfeeding is far superior to formula in most cases and that we give our babies the most solid foundation when we breastfeed them. Of course this doesn't mean that anyone should feel guilty if they can't breastfeed or if they make the switch to formula for various reasons that make sense for their families; we have to do our best as parents and then forgive any gap that exists between where we are and where we wish we were.
50/50 Isn't the Gold Standard: Although I agree that everything doesn't have to be split exactly evenly and partners' contributions can look different, I do think the concept of 50/50 should absolutely permeate our relationships.
Treat Men Like a Separate Species

I never expect to agree with 100% of something I read. I still thoroughly enjoyed reading this book!

Montessori Moments: 2 years and 3 months

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Montessori Moment #1: Helping with Dinner

Henry is chopping the mushrooms for the pizza, spreading on the sauce, and sprinkling the cheese. It is very, very hard for him not to eat while he cooks, but it's such an important lesson in delayed gratification, self-control, patience (sometimes we eat while we cook, but more often than not we try to resist the urge). The knife he uses is from Montessori Services ($2.95). It's kept in a place where he can retrieve it independently (just like the cutting board). Helping with dinner builds Henry's fine motor skills, helps strengthen his focus and concentration, gives him authentic opportunities to practice problem-solving, helps him feel like an integral member of the family, and develops his sense of pride.

Montessori Moment #2: Baking Together

Henry and I have been making the muffins out of Kids in the Kitchen: Simple Recipes that Build Independence and Confidence the Montessori Way. I love how simple and healthy the recipe is. We almost always have the ingredients available on Saturday morning: whole wheat flour, strawberries, a banana, yogurt, honey, and an egg. Henry uses a kids-sized spoon from Montessori services ($1.95) to stir with more control. When baking (as opposed to cooking) with Henry, I usually measure out the ingredients beforehand, so he can be continuously engaged in the process.

Montessori Moment #3: Balling Melon

Henry uses a melon baller to create bite-sized pieces of watermelon. He's wearing an apron that I made for him that has a stretchy neck strap and a waist strap that can be fastened independently. There's a free DIY pattern available here (that needs to be sized down for toddlers), or you could buy one from my lovely friend who sells them on Etsy (including ones sized specifically for toddlers).

Montessori Moment #4: Working Independently at a Table

Each of Henry's toys has a separate spot on the shelf to minimize over-stimulation and help him absorb a sense of order. If we had more toys, we would rotate them out every couple weeks to help maintain interest and engagement. Most of his toys are made of natural materials, such as wood. We purchased this toy from Amazon and paired it with a ceramic bowl. The ceramic bowl helps Henry cultivate care. He knows that it will most likely shatter if he's not careful with it. It helps him understand natural consequences and cause-and-effect. Working through the sequence of taking the activity off the shelf, completing it, and putting it away helps him develop focus and concentration. This material has a built-in control of error, so Henry knows when he's done it correctly. He experiences his own sense of accomplishment based on his actions rather than relying on praise from Matt or me.

Montessori Moment #5: Lots of Time in Nature

According to Montessori philosophy, children at this age have absorbent minds and are literally forming themselves from their experiences. Being immersed in nature helps them internalize beauty, joy, and a deep appreciation of the world around them (which later helps lead to stewardship of the environment). Children this age are also trying to understand the concrete world. Instead of spending time in front of screens, Henry spends a lot of time outside. On the weekends, we try to take trips into nature. During the weekdays, we go on walks to the farm in our neighborhood, go to the park, or let Henry simply roam around our backyard.

Living, Growing Scrapbook Update

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 29 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I've heard youngest children complain about how their baby books pale in comparison to their older siblings', and I'm actively trying to make sure that doesn't happen to baby #2 (whose name might be Tate, Crosby, Harper, Sidney, Quincy, Sawyer, or--if Henry has his way--Po Po Brother).

Of course every child's experience is different within the same family, but I don't want the experience to feel inferior in any way for our second child. I've been trying to keep a scrapbook going for the second baby, just like I did for Henry's pregnancy and first year.

Luckily, the format is very laid back and easy to keep up with. I simply use double-sided tape to adhere photos to white cardstock. Then I slip the cardstock into a plastic sheet and clip it into the binder. I can write directly on the cardstock with regular pens (and I even override my perfectionistic tendencies by using different types of pens--sometimes even on the same page!).

I'm trying to write just as many letters to the new baby as we wrote to Henry. On the letter pages, I simply cut out a picture from a magazine to add a little decoration. I can also insert things like greeting cards from other people.

I'm relieved that the process doesn't feel overwhelming in any way, and it's easy to keep up with.

Even though I'm only making each boy a photo scrapbook for the first year of their life, we will continue to use it to keep important things for them, such as class pictures, acceptance letters, thoughtful birthday cards, etc. All of these things can be easily slipped into plastic sheets and clipped into the binder.

Henry absolutely loves flipping through his scrapbook. When we get to the end, he inevitably requests, "Again!"

Growing into Motherhood

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 28 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I spent the weekend at my cousin's wedding on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. When I booked my ticket back in the fall, it was nearly $500, and we couldn't figure out how to spend $1,500 for all three of us to attend the wedding for a couple days (since we were feverishly saving up money to convert our 85% loan-to-value construction loan to an 80% loan-to-value 30-year-fixed mortgage).

Part of me was really excited to have a weekend away by myself before the baby comes. But as it got closer and closer, I grew sadder and sadder that my guys couldn't join me at the beach.

Although I had a fantastic time hanging out with my mom, brother, grandparents, and cousins at the wedding, I missed Henry with an aching quality (side note: I always miss Matt; I'm focusing on Henry because this post is specifically about how I'm growing into motherhood).

The aching made me realize just how far I've come as a mother. When Henry was born, I didn't feel that overwhelming unconditional bear-mama love that mothers are "supposed to" feel. I didn't feel like I loved him more than anyone or anything in my life. I felt like I needed to get to know him. I knew that the roots of deep love were planted, but I didn't know how long it would take for them to grow tall and strong.

And although I took care of him lovingly, patiently, and diligently through the infant stage, it wasn't until around 16 months into our relationship together when the joy started to outweigh the hardship.

And so when I was separated from my sweet boy for a mere four days and I ached to be with him, I felt a sense of relief that I had, in fact, grown into motherhood.

And when I read this piece in the New York Times about cultivating independence in our children so that they can go into the world and pursue their own lives full of meaning and joy, I cried. I am already saddened by the notion of our boys growing up, needing us less, turning outward more, and then flying off into the world.

Life is a staggeringly short and amazing opportunity. I'm working hard to savor each stage. This pregnancy is most likely the last time I will carry around new life and feel its movements on a daily basis. And then we will welcome a tiny new being into our family. Although he will push us is many ways, he will also allow us to experience the utter amazingness of life unfolding. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

Some other texts that are touchstones to me during this parenting journey that I would like to keep in a consolidated place:

Poem by Gibran: On Children
A Huffington Post Piece about not seizing the day
A video about how the days are long but the years are short

Stopping at Two Children

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 21 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I know I might not sound like a reliable source when I say that Matt and I are done after two children, since we used to think we only wanted one child and then switched our minds. But, really, I think we mean it this time.

There are many reasons why two--not three--children make sense for us. First, I think we're going to be at capacity with two children. With each passing day as Henry becomes more verbal, more interactive, and more independent, Matt and I find that our joy is increasing exponentially. We anticipate that welcoming another infant into our lives (although we are over-the moon with gratitude) will re-introduce a lot of challenge back into our lives. Of course we will accept that challenge as part and parcel of expanding one's family, but we're not eager to repeat it a third time. We're excited to have another little walking, talking human being who expresses his personality through jokes, questions, preferences, and comments. We're eager to play board games and do science experiments and undertake sewing projects together. It's already scary enough thinking about shifting the ratio of adults to children from 2:1 to 2:2 or--frequently--1:2.

There are also financial considerations for us. Matt and I both work in the non-profit world, but we want to have plenty of money for traveling, turning our home into a sanctuary, eating out, and sending our children through college without the burden of debt.

There are philosophical and environmental considerations like not contributing to population growth and not wanting to need a bigger car or a bigger house to comfortably fit everyone.

There are physical considerations, like the fact that I'm already 35 (although my mother had my brother when she was 38), and I'm eager to have my own body back. I was pregnant with Henry for 9 months + breastfed him for 14 months + got pregnant right away for another two or so months + suffered a miscarriage + had three months to myself + got pregnant again. I've got another 1.5 months of pregnancy to go, an impending labor, and at least a year of breastfeeding. Of course all of this is worth it to bring life into the world (and I constantly count my lucky stars that I've been able to get pregnant three times), but I'm eager to reclaim my body. I want to run again, fit into regular clothes, be able to eat fried foods occasionally (when I'm pregnant, I suffer from choleostasis and have to be super-gentle on my liver), and sleep on my back (or stomach!).

Again, I don't mean to sound like these minor inconveniences aren't worth the privilege and opportunity to bring a person into the world and provide the kind of nurturing environment and love that helps them unfold into their enormous potential. It's just that going through it twice (three times, if you count the miscarriage) feels right for me.

I also have other things that I want to give birth to in this world, like a network of public Montessori schools and more books.

I was shocked when my midwife said that many of her clients end up back in her office, accidentally pregnant with their third children. Matt and I definitely don't want that to happen to us. Right now we're exploring vasectomy as a non-hormonal, permanent form of birth control. We wouldn't be able to afford it until after my maternity leave is over and I'm back at work, but it's definitely something we're considering.

I want to reiterate that all of our reasons for stopping at two are not judgments against families who stop at one or continue to five or opt not to have children in the first place. I also want to acknowledge how difficult it must be to read posts like this if you're struggling with fertility or miscarriage or are working really hard to adopt.

There are times (like when I'm reading Soule Mama) when I idealize a larger family. But at the end of the day, we have to be honest with ourselves about what we want and what makes sense for us.

Homemade Popsicles!

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 20 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I saw popsicle molds at Whole Foods the other day and was inspired to make some for Henry this summer. Instead of purchasing a mold on the spot, I did an Amazon search to find the most inexpensive one I could. Besides the awesomeness of only costing $6.41, the mold also seems to make smaller popsicles, which will be perfect for a toddler.

I was even more elated when I realized that I can make and freeze green smoothie popsicles for Henry. Since Matt makes Henry's breakfast in the morning (which is currently oatmeal), Henry doesn't regularly drink green smoothies anymore. I'd love for him to have a daily dose of spinach. I think these popsicles will be the perfect way to fit it in. For those of you who haven't seen my green smoothie before, here it is:

Enough orange juice to help the blender run smoothly (we use calcium-fortified)
Greek yogurt (we made the switch a while back for the increased protein)
Frozen mango and strawberries (although anything will work!)
1/2 a banana
Lots of spinach!

I think these will make the perfect snack or after-dinner treat!

Recipe for "Laborade"

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 15 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Today marks the start of my 34th week of pregnancy! Can you believe it? It's been a simultaneously long year (with the miscarriage and then another pregnancy three months later) and a simultaneously incredibly fast pregnancy.

It's time to make sure we're prepared for our impending home birth (fingers crossed!). We transferred to the hospital for Pitocin after laboring at home for 40 hours with Henry. We'll see what happens this time.

I've been going through the handbook provided by the midwives. I have quite a few supplies to purchase at Goodwill.

I also need to gather the ingredients for "Laborade," which is a homemade electrolyte drink for labor. Here's the recipe:

1 cup freshly squeezed lemon
6 T liquid calcium/magnesium (Tropical Island or Bluebonnet brand)
2/3 cup agave nectar
1/2 t salt

Mix all ingredients to make a concentrate and store in the refrigerator. Add 1/4 c concentrate to 1 cup water--adjust to taste.

Baby Routines

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 14 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Oh, I can only begin to imagine the controversy that this post will inspire! There are many people who think I'm a bad mother because of my penchant for routine. They think that I try to control every aspect of Henry's life and get him to fit within a neat little box.

But I want to write this post anyway because each of us needs to figure out what makes sense to us and our families. The more we share information with each other, the more we can expose ourselves to different ideas. We can sift and sort through them to uncover what resonates with us.

I still remember the first three weeks of life with Henry. My guess is that new babies are even harder for folks like me with more Type-A personalities. I remember reaching out desperately to two friends who had trodden the mother path before me. One of them introduced me to the book On Becoming Babywise. It revolutionized my understanding of how to structure my day with Henry: feed, engage in a little activity, sleep (repeat every 2-3 hours). That rhythm worked perfectly to meet Henry's needs. It was so much easier to meet his needs when I had a clue about what he might need at a given time. After I breastfed him, I would give him some play time, but I would watch for signs of drowsiness. Since he took so long to eat, his awake time was actually pretty limited. Then I would help him fall asleep. Without reading this book, I most likely would have reversed the sequence and breastfed him to sleep (which wouldn't have been bad, per se; it just might have made it more difficult to help him learn how to put himself to sleep later on).

Even though establishing a routine can feel very parent-centered, I think it can actually be done in a very child-centered way. Our routine changed every couple months, based on what Henry needed as he grew. We never followed any of the books exactly because we did what worked for Henry, but the books were still very helpful to us. They functioned as a starting place for helping us decipher exactly what Henry might need at a given time and structuring our time together to meet his needs.

As we gear up to expand our family, I wanted to revisit some of the books that proved helpful to me with Henry. Of course every baby is different, but I'm eager to try out many of the same strategies again. Having a routine with Henry allowed me to take a shower every day, write an entire book, go out to eat as a family, etc. I also think it helped Henry's temperament.

I know it's going to be even harder to implement a rhythm to the day with a second child. For example, I'll need to pick Henry up from school every day at 2:45, no matter what the baby needs at that moment. But I think the predictability will be even more important. It will allow us to more easily carve out one-on-one time with Henry, get more rest in order to be more patient as we try to juggle our expanding family, and help us feel slightly more settled and grounded amid the inherent chaos (Matt and I both feel better within a structure).

We'll see what happens!

To refresh my memory about routines for infants, I went to four sources: advice from our pediatrician, The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, On Becoming Baby Wise, and Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child. I wanted to share the bullet points with anyone who's interested. I found that it was difficult to summarize and organize the information from each book. Although there were naturally inconsistencies from book to book (which is absolutely to be expected), I also found inconsistencies within the books.

Still, I pulled out as much information as possible, so that we can reference these various approaches for ideas when we're in the trenches and trying to figure out what our baby needs:

Advice from Pediatrician

At two months, babies should be able to sleep 6 hours without eating in the night. At four months, they should go 8-10 hours, and at six months they should go 10-12.
Don't start any sleep training before 4 months, but finish it by 6 months.

The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems
Birth to Four Months

7:00 = Eat
8:15 = Nap
10:00 = Feed
11:15 = Nap
1:00 = Feed
2:15 = Nap
4:00 = Eat
5:15 = Short Nap
6:00 = Eat
7:30 = Short Nap
8:00 = Feed and then bed
10-11 = Feed

Four-Six Months

7:00 = Eat
9:00 = 1.5 - 2 hour nap
11:00 = Eat
1:00 = 1 1/2 - 2 hour nap
3:00 = Eat
Between 5-6 = Short Nap
7:00 = Eat
7:30 = Bedtime
11:00 = Feed (until 7 or 8 months when solid food is firmly established)

Six-Nine Months

7:00 = Breastfeed
9 or 9:30 = Morning Nap
11:15 = Breastfeed
1 = Solid food
2 or 2:30 = Afternoon Nap
4 = Breastfeed
5:30 or 6 = Solid Food
7 = Bath, breastfeed, book, bed

After Nine Months

Five hours between feeds
Eating three meals a day
Two snacks
Around 18 months, one afternoon nap a day

On Becoming Baby Wise

2 weeks - 4 weeks

Feed every 2.5-3 hours
Activity
Sleep
(Average 8-10 feedings in a 24-hour period)
Wake baby around the 3-hour mark during the day to stabilize digestion, maintain lactation, and help the baby organize their sleep patterns
Early morning
Midmorning
Afternoon
Midafternoon
Late afternoon
Early evening
Late evening
Middle of the night

5 weeks - 8 weeks

Feed every 2.5-3.5
Set a time for the "first feeding" of the day
Consider feeding closer together (~2 hours) for the last feeding of the night
~8 feedings a day (one in the middle of the night)
At the end of this phase, may average 7 feedings (often dropping the middle of the night feeding)

9 weeks - 15 weeks

Bedtime gets adjusted closer to the early-evening feeding
Weeks 12-15: Transition to 3-4 hour increments
By the end of the 13th week, baby can average 5-7 feedings a day
3-5 months = 3 daytime naps (1.5-2 hours)

16 weeks - 24 weeks

Baby usually introduced to solid foods
Breastfeed 4-6 times a day
By 24 weeks, mealtimes usually line up with the rest of the family (i.e., solids at breakfast, lunch, and dinner)
Nurse first and then offer solids
6-16 months = 2 naps (1.5-2 hours)

25 weeks - 52 weeks

Two naps (1.5-2.5 hours)
4-5 nursing periods

16 months +

Morning nap is dropped

Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child

The First Week

Feed the baby whenever hungry and let sleep when s/he needs to sleep

2 weeks - 4 weeks

Do not expect a scheduled baby because the baby's needs for food, cuddling, and sleeping occur erratically and unpredictably

5 weeks - 6 weeks

Sleeps 5-6 hours through the night

6 weeks - 8 weeks

Sleep training may work for babies with an easy temperament

8 weeks - 16 weeks

Works for babies with common fussiness/crying

3 months - 4 months

Morning nap starts between 9 and 10am

4 months

6-8 pm = bedtime
Sleep training will now work for babies who had extreme fussiness/crying
7am = Wake up
9am = Nap
1pm = Nap
3rd nap varioes
6-8pm = Bedtime

5 months - 8 months

Afternoon nap around 12-2pm
Late afternoon nap from 3-5pm

9 months

Late afternoon nap disappears

Bathroom Tile

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 13 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

One of the nice things about the builder we chose for our house is that the company is a one-stop shop from real estate to architecture to construction. Of course there are definite drawbacks to this set-up (for example, I met with another architect who argued that it was better to separate out the architecture from the construction), but Matt and I have appreciated the simplicity of the process.

Part of their process includes limiting our choices (which I sometimes appreciate and sometimes feel constricted by). For example, we had a choice between two bathtubs, two types of faucets, two types of pendant lights, etc.

When it comes to bathroom tile, there are only two colors we like out of the handful of choices: a cream and a "light" gray, which is actually very dark (see photo above of a comparable tile).

At first, I was completely set on the cream title because I like spaces to feel light and airy. Then the architect came back with the argument that the cream would feel dingy against the white subway tile we'll have in the shower and the bathtub. When Matt and I went to the house this weekend, we laid the cream title next to the bright-white tub, and the cream actually looked like a nice light gray. Matt and I decided we would like to keep the space light with the cream tile.

But then a quick Pinterest search led to the photo above. The contrast is actually nice (although our cabinets will be birch, not white). And now I'm torn.

Does anyone have thoughts about cream tile versus dark gray? Will light-colored dog hair be more obvious on the dark gray? Or will dark gray mask more dirt and actually look better between cleanings? Will we be able to brighten up the dark gray with rugs and accents or will it look dark and distracting when you walk in the front door and can see into the guest bathroom?

Of course these concerns are quite trivial, but I'd like to feel good about the decision since we're settling into this house for the long haul.

Thank you in advance for any insight you're able to share!

Image courtesy of Better Homes and Gardens

Reflection & Rejuvenation: May

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Thu, 09 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Hello, May! Welcome!

Only two months left until we welcome a sweet little one into our family. My, how time is flying! As I mentioned in last month's reflection, I thought the four months between turning in the charter application and having a baby would be calm and quiet. No way! Our non-profit organization is now under contract for nine acres of land for the school. April, like March, has been spent learning as much as I can about development: conducting a feasibility study, meeting with civil engineers to create a site plan, hiring an architect for schematic design, understanding zoning issues and city ordinances--the list goes on!

I am ecstatic about the property we found. Nine acres will provide a beautiful, natural environment for children to learn within. There are two city bus stops right by, and the lot is located in a diverse area, which will help us better achieve our goals related to fostering a racially, culturally, and socio-economically diverse community of learners. It's also within walking distance to a new 7-mile trail that the city is building on the east side.

Plus, our new house is only five minutes away! I promise I didn't push for this property because of its proximity to my house. Quite the opposite. First, I worked with various organizations and individuals to understand the demographics of poverty in Austin. Then we created a target geographic area for our facility search, based on the demographics. More than a year ago, I started doing home visits with families living within our target geographic area. After several visits in the same neighborhood, I asked my realtor to do a property search for our personal home, and that's when we discovered a relatively inexpensive 1/2-acre of land, adjacent to a creek, on a cul-de-sac. When it came time to search for land for the school, we used the boundaries of our target geographic area and found nine acres just outside our target triangle. Amazingly, the land is very reasonably priced. The plan is to house the school in portable buildings for three years while we conduct a capital campaign and seek the financing we need to begin construction on a permanent facility.

There's still a ton that can go wrong at this point, so I'm definitely not counting my chickens, but I'm very optimistic and excited about how this process is unfolding.

In other news, I've been feeling so much better since I started walking for an hour at least three to four times a week and going to prenatal yoga regularly. With Henry, I walked nearly every day and went to yoga once a week, and I honestly think it helped me avoid so many common pregnancy symptoms. Walking just seems to tighten up all of the muscles that get so loose in pregnancy. My back feels so much better, and other muscles aren't nearly as achy.

As far as what I wanted to accomplish this month, I did a much better job. Instead of just listing the goals here, I transferred them to my weekly action plan, which meant that I read over them every single week. It helped me keep them at the forefront of my mind.

Here's how I did:

Update our scrapbook: Yes! This process took forever because I hadn't done it in a while, but it's finally done!
Organize the garage in preparation for moving: No. I want to work on this one with Matt, and we had trouble finding time over the course of a weekend to do it. Maybe this month we should work on it one evening after Henry goes to bed.
Plan our baby shower: Yes!
Organize our closet in preparation for moving: No, see Point #2 above.
Finalize Henry's baby binder: Yes!
Make a binder for the new baby: Yes!
Finalize summer daycare: Yes!
Read Barbara Kingsolver's new book: I tried, but I couldn't get into it. I read all of Active Birth (recommend it!) and some of The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (also recommend it!).

And on the docket for this month?

Enjoy quality family time at my cousin's wedding in North Carolina (on the Outer Banks)
Get all the surveys done on the land for the school, in addition to contracting with an architect and a civil engineer
Make significant headway on additional fundraising for the land
Get prepared for our home birth by following all of the steps laid out by our midwife
Work through the Hynobabies Self-Study Course to master some relaxation techniques in the upcoming months
Find a doula
Enjoy our little family of three!

Photo Courtesy of the Nikki McClure Calendar

Toddlerhood

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 07 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Two months past his second birthday, Henry still hasn't entered "The Terrible Two's." However, he is definitely growing in his desire to be independent, to follow his own pace, and to assert his will. There are several things that Matt and I implement proactively to support Henry at this stage:

We set up our home to facilitate independence. Henry can open the pantry to get out his plates for snack, access his own glasses and fill them up with water from the Britta inside the fridge, take out the cutting board/knife/whisk/wooden spoon/colander for helping with food preparation, move a stool over to the counter to reach the bananas first thing in the morning while Matt and I are still in bed, climb in and out of his carseat (and snap the buckle across his chest), carry his own bag to and from the car to school and home, climb in and out of his high chair, carry a snack to his weaning table and eat, etc.
We try our best to create wide open space and time for Henry. We devote a full hour from wake-up to departure for school every morning. It still feels a bit rushed at times, but, for the most part, we can slow down to Henry's pace. When I pick Henry up from school, I let him dictate how we spend our 2.5 hours together. Most days he likes to sit on the bench in front of his school to watch the construction work across the street, look for bugs on the way from our car to our house, help prepare snack, do a little dancing, and go to the park for a full hour.
We try to say "yes" as often as possible. We try to create a prepared environment that allows Henry a full range of exploration. I let him put golf balls in his mouth and even climb on the windowsill. That way, when we say "no," we really mean it. For example, when Henry gets too far away from me at the park, I can call out, "Henry, that's too far" and he will come closer.
We try to fit our lives around Henry's need for routine. On weekdays, we try our very best to be home in time for Henry's 6:30 bedtime. We'll definitely stay out late to attend potlucks or other special events, but, in general, we try to honor Henry's need to wind down and go to bed early. On the weekends, Henry really needs to nap at noon. Again, we try to honor that need as much as possible. We don't completely put our lives on hold for Henry, but we understand that these kind of restrictions won't last much longer, and Henry really is much happier when he's well-rested and fed.

I suspect that many of these proactive strategies help Henry to be the fun-loving, content, and curious boy that he is. Of course I have no way of knowing, since my "science experiment" only has one subject and no control group!

Sometimes, though, there is a need for reactive strategies. For example, if Henry is particularly tired and melting down, he might resort to hitting. When that happens, we tell him that we don't like to be hit and if he hits again he'll need to go to time-out until he's ready to be kind to others. Usually, he will hit again, and we will put him in his room. We leave his bedroom door open and tell him he can come out whenever he's ready to be kind.

The other struggle with have with Henry is that he sometimes doesn't listen to us when we ask him to do something. For example, when it's time to clear his plate after snack, he sometimes prefers to go straight to playing. For me, it's important that Henry understands that some things need to be done. In those moments, I now say, "Would you like to put your plate away yourself or would you like me to pick you up and we'll put it away together?" So far, Henry picks the first option every time. He wants to do things independently. I like that the expectation is clear that the plate needs to get put away but I also like that Henry has a choice about how it gets put away.

I use this strategy in other situations, too, such as:

When Henry wants to play in the car rather than get in his carseat: "Do you want to climb in yourself or do you want me to put you in?"
When Henry wants to look at a book rather than get dressed: "Do you want to put on your underwear yourself or do you want me to help you?"
When Henry wants to leave his tools outside rather than bring them in: "Do you want to get your tools yourself or do you want me to carry you outside to pick them up together?"

This discussion is reminding me that I need to learn more about handling interactions with toddlers in ways that cultivate the foundation for self-discipline and self-management, while also ensuring that there are boundaries and consistency in our lives. If you have any book recommendations, please let me know!

Update on Toilet Learning

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 06 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

We've been following the Montessori approach to toilet learning for quite some time now. At 26 months, Henry pretty much only wears thick cotton underwear (the ones from Hannah Anderson are better about containing urine, but we now use the ones from Target because they are less expensive and not so tight). He just recently told us for the first time that he needed to pee in the toilet. Mainly, we ask him to use the toilet every 1.5-2 hours, and that strategy works to keep him mostly accident-free.

When we leave the house, we ask him to pee right before we get in the car. We usually bring his little toilet with us because he prefers to pee in it rather than use the toilet seat we bought or the real toilet. He now prefers to pee standing up while leaning both his hands against the wall.

Henry still doesn't poop in the toilet, but his thick cotton underwear usually prevent it from coming out the sides.

We've definitely had ups and downs throughout the process (and it doesn't feel like we're close to being done with it!). We tried Elimination Communication on and off for a long time. In retrospect, I found the process to be mostly a waste of time (for us). Although we were able to catch several poops and pees, Henry went through a lengthy phase when he refused to sit on the toilet at all. It didn't seem like the process of sitting him on the toilet as an infant made him more comfortable with the concept as a toddler.

I am 99% certain that if we resorted to some kind of extrinsic reward system (mainly candy) to bribe Henry to use the toilet, this process would have been complete a long time ago. As tempting as it's been, we've resisted it so far because extrinsic rewards are not incorporated into the Montessori approach. We want him to learn to use the toilet because that's what humans do, not because he's going to get a treat.

We just started letting Henry sleep in his underwear (for naps and at night). He's been begging us, and we've been resisting because of laziness. So, every night as he's falling asleep, Henry takes off his pajama pants, takes off his diaper, puts his pajama pants back on, and gets back underneath his comforter. We finally decided to listen to what he's trying to tell us (both with his words and actions!).

The first time we let him sleep in underwear, he pooped the bed within the first 15 minutes! Luckily, Matt had double-layered the bed (waterproof pad + fitted sheet + waterproof pad + fitted sheet). It was very easy to strip the bed, get him cleaned up, and put him back to bed.

The night toileting seems to be hit or miss. Some mornings he wakes up dry; other nights he pees a couple times (and wakes up). Some nights, he pees once but sleeps through it (and we change him when we're checking on him). We'll just keep at it with patience!

Ball of Joy Baby Shower

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 01 May 2013 10:10:00 +0000

When I was pregnant with Henry, Matt and I planned our own "baby shower." I put the phrase in quotes because we didn't follow any of the conventions. A) We hosted it ourselves. B) It was co-ed. C) We had it at a bowling alley. D) We didn't open presents.

I'd like to continue the tradition of hosting a pre-baby party to bring together our nearest and dearest. It's fun to congregate to honor and celebrate the new life that is about to enrich our family.

Since this baby will join us in the summer, I immediately thought about having some kind of gathering near the water. And that's when the idea hit me: Instead of painting my belly like a bowling ball like I did for Henry's party, I can paint my belly like a beach ball (it's the small things that make me smile!).

We'll be hosting it at a free public pool in Austin, so we decided to have it in the morning to avoid peek hours. Fortunately, the pool will let us bring in food, so we can provide some light snacks.

Here's what I'm thinking:

Fruit kabobs
Hummus, pita chips, and vegetables
Chips and homemade guacamole
Muffins
Mimosas
Juice & Sparkling Water

I'd also like to do something to acknowledge and thank the folks who come. Perhaps we could pass out little bags of goldfish crackers that say something like: "Thank you for coming to swim with us today! We're so glad you're in our lives. Thank you for being part of our 'school' of support."

Okay, it's a little over-the-top cheesy, but it might be cute nonetheless.

From Inspiration to Action

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I often marvel at what an amazing historical period we're living in. Any time I have the inkling of an idea, I can google it and read all about how it's already been implemented at least 25 times with step-by-step tutorials and can then pin images left and right to remind myself of the project I want to undertake.

But while having that kind of technology at our fingertips makes it easier to undertake new projects, it simultaneously provides a whole new level of procrastination--"productive procrastination," if you will. It's so easy to feel like all that reading and pinning is productive work, but really, at the end of the day, I'm still sitting on my butt in front of the computer.

Case in point: I just spent a whole 30 minutes scrolling through Kylie's blog. I am in complete and utter awe of the experiences she provides for her children on a daily basis.

But I don't want to stop there. I want to figure out exactly what it is about Kylie's parenting that I want to replicate and identify ways to get off my butt and make it happen.

So what exactly left me feeling inspired? I love the way Kylie creates a truly comprehensive Montessori experience for her children at home--everything from the beauty of the environment to the rotation of stimulating activities to excursions into nature to baking to other practical life activities.

How can I follow her lead and create more of a Montessori experience in our home?

Make sure I click over to her Activity/Photo of the Day feature every time I read a regular blog post of hers. There's so much inspiration in there! As a side note, Kylie, how do you feel about posting that content in the main section of your blog so that no one misses anything? Pretty please?
Read through the archives of her blog and make a list of things I want to do each month. Although Otis and Henry are the same age (so convenient!), Caspar is three years older and my new baby will be two years younger. Making a list of various activities/experiences at different ages will be very helpful for me. As I read new blog posts, I can continue to add ideas to the list.
I can start writing one post a week about what we're doing in our Montessori home. Documenting and sharing our experiences might be the inspiration I need to do even more.

A High Chair for Independence

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

I'm so glad that Matt and I invested in the Tripp Trapp high chair for Henry. It's recommended within the Montessori community because it facilitates and supports a child's independence. From a young age, they can begin climbing in and out of it independently. It also slides right up to the table to help the child feel like part of the family. The chair grows with the child and can be used for many years (since children are too short to sit comfortably in a regular chair for quite a while).

As we prepare to welcome a new baby into our family, I've been thinking about the high chair situation. If we tried to move Henry into a booster seat, I feared that he wouldn't be able to climb up and down independently.

I had resolved myself to adding yet another expensive Tripp Trapp to our baby registry.

Then we spent the weekend eating out with Matt's parents, and I watched Henry climb in and out of those wooden restaurant high chairs with complete confidence, grace, and stability. I was reminded by my friend Kelly's idea to take the bar off the restaurant-style high chair. Brilliant!

I managed to locate one on Craigslist for $20. Now Henry can use the bar-less restaurant-style high chair and the new baby can inherent the Tripp Trapp when he's around six months-old. The only downside to the new high chair is that it's not as stable as the Tripp Trapp. Henry could surely push himself backwards by kicking off the table hard enough. It's not a deal breaker; it just means we need to be even more vigilant with supervision when he's in it.

Brainstorming: A Montessori Bedroom

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Henry's Montessori bedroom changed a lot during the first year of his life when he went from lying on a movement mat watching mobiles to pulling himself up on furniture and low shelves. When he turned one, we moved to Austin and his room became even more simple (primarily since we moved into a bigger house and we didn't need his bedroom to serve so many different functions). It honestly hasn't changed very much from 1-2, except that we recently traded out his crib mattress floor bed for a twin-sized mattress with a duvet cover.

As we prepare to move into a new house, I'm rethinking his bedroom and wondering how to set it up to meet his growing needs. This article from The Montessori Foundation had a couple good ideas, such as:

Incorporating an area for Henry to select and play his own music (I'm debating between a CD player and an MP3 player)
A nature corner for Henry to collect and display things he collects outside
An area for Henry to produce and display artwork (although I'm wondering if it would be better to put his easel in a more common area, since he'll want to be out with the rest of us)

The other complication is that Henry and his brother will likely share a room, once the baby is sleeping through the night. This means the room will have to accommodate an infant as well as a growing toddler.

Here are the main components I want to be sure to include:

An area for sleeping. Since Henry likes to snuggle into the corner (i.e., where the two walls come together), there's really only one place where his bed can go in his new room. Once the baby is old enough to join him, I wonder if we should build some type of loft bed and keep the baby's twin mattress on the floor. A loft bed would be less bulky than bunk beds, and it would keep the baby low to the ground on the bottom.
An area for dressing. Henry's closet will have shelves that he can reach, so he can dress himself, but we should also have a mirror, so he can see how he looks. I like the way Otis's room is set up with a little table, brush, and handkerchief.
A reading nook. This might just be Henry's bed on the floor since we're always so comfortable reading there. But we'll need a way to organize his books.
An area for toys. Honestly, we make space for Henry's toys all around the house, so he doesn't actually need that much space in his room for toys.

I think we'll keep the art/writing/crafting area out of his room, since we'll also have a guest/craft room. Although perhaps we should at least have a small table and chairs?

Stocking Up & Hunkering Down: Preparing for a Second Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

Our little family of three (well, six if you count our bloodhound and chickens) is in the final stretch before a cascade of changes sweeps through our lives. Honestly, I haven't thought enough about preparing for the transition this time around. My thoughts are consumed with purchasing land and undertaking site development for Austin's first public Montessori school. (Note to Self: Think more about the transition to second babyhood!).

The one thing I have thought about is meals. We won't be able to afford take-out like we did post-Henry. It's imperative that we set ourselves up to prepare meals at home, even amid the stress of a new baby.

A couple weekends ago, I started brainstorming our easiest meals and identifying which parts of them could be prepared in advance and frozen (the process ultimately inspired me to create our new meal planning process!). For example, one of our easiest meals is rice and beans with mango and scallions. It would be simple to cook the rice (in a huge batch!), cut up the mangoes and scallions, and freeze everything. Then the night before, we could put everything in the refrigerator to defrost, start heating everything 20 minutes prior to dinner, and add a can of beans.

I worked really hard to come up with 20 meals--five meals a week for an entire month (we can continue to splurge on take-out two nights a week). Here's what I came up with (the underlined parts are components that we can prepare and freeze in the weeks leading up to the birth):

Rice & Beans with Mango & Scallions
Pasta w/Vegetables
Grilled Cheese w/Premade Soup
Lebanese Soup
Quesadillas with Frozen Vegetables
Pizza with Mushrooms, Red Pepper, and Onion
Vegetarian Chili (all in cans) with Shredded Cheese
Veggie Burgers with Sweet Potato Fries
Black Bean and Yam Quesadillas
Chickpeas with Spinach + Rice
Spinach, Artichoke, and Sundried Tomato Pasta
Tamales (Pre-made from Whole Foods)
Vegetarian Lasagna
Vegetarian Enchiladas
Feta and Spinach Rolls
Roasted Vegetables & Chickpeas with Quinoa
Tomato and Chickpea Pasta
Pasta with Lentils and Vegetables
Macaroni and Cheese
Feta, Tomato, and Pesto Pasta

My mom and brother are coming for ten days to take care of us. Then our month of partly-pre-made meals can kick in. After that, I hope we'll be in a place where we can go grocery shopping (using the same list above).

What else do we need to do to prepare ourselves and our lives for the transition? I need to make sure this blog is taken care of. With my first pregnancy, I wrote tons of posts in advance and scheduled them to run. This time, I won't have time to do that. Perhaps I should do what we did for 2000 Dollar Wedding? Open it up to kindred spirits to write guest posts? It was so fun for me to read everyone's wisdom!

If you'd like to write a guest post to cover my maternity leave, please e-mail me with your topic idea. If it seems like a good fit, I will e-mail you the process for uploading your post. The deadline would be May 31st. Thank you in advance for any help you're able to provide!

I also want to re-read Baby Wise, as well as another scheduling book recommended by my friend, Maia.

I also need to do some mental preparation for the birth. Perhaps I'll re-read Birthing from Within, as well as the letter I wrote to myself to prepare for birth.

Of course there are all sorts of things to do around the house. I've already made lists of those things (I need to get off my computer and go do them!).

A Family Table

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

When I was an American Studies major in college, we talked a lot about artifacts and how they can give you insight into a particular culture--how people lived, what they valued, etc.

On a separate note, we talked a lot about materialism and how a consumeristic culture can falsely equate purchasing products with attaining happiness and contentment.

I carry this dualistic interpretation of objects with me, which may explain why I had to think long and hard before trying to convince Matt to splurge on a hand-crafted dining room table.

It started with a simple Craigslist search. We knew that we wanted to upgrade our cute $50-mid-century modern dining room table (also from Craigslist) to a larger table for our new house. We've had our current table for years, and we've put up with the fact that it only fits four people. Since we're still trying to conserve money, I tried hard to find something on Craigslist or at IKEA. I also researched a ton of DIY options, although all of them seemed beyond our skill level.

While browsing Craigslist, I came across a local furniture maker who combines reclaimed wood with more modern metal. His ad had four different dining room tables featured, one of which quickly became the object of my affection. Although I didn't love the way the steel base ran from one leg all the way across to the other side of the table, I loved the wooden top and the story behind it. It was a 100 year-old reclaimed pub table top from the Czech Republic.

I didn't spend too much time dwelling on the table because it didn't look large enough in the photo (we wanted a table for 8-10 people). Further, the price tags were astronomical for the artist's largest tables.

The table started to fuel my DIY ideas. I thought about buying butcher block from IKEA and attaching some metal legs from modernlegs.com. I figured a DIY table would cost way less. I struggled, however, because I couldn't figure out how long the table could be and still only be supported by a leg in each corner. I tried e-mailing two different experts to answer my question but never received any responses. I had scary visions of our boys trying to build a fort under the table and having it collapse on them (yes, I am insecure about our carpentry skills...).

Meanwhile, I kept going back to The Table. I stalked the artist on Facebook and realized that the table was actually 7.5 feet long. The more I thought about it, the more I realized 7.5 feet was the perfect length. Our kitchen island is going to be 10 feet long, and the island and the dining room table will run parallel to each other and be the first things you see when you walk into our main room. It seems like we would want them to be different sizes, so they don't create too much monotony (or something like that).

I e-mailed the artist to find out if the table was still available (the last Facebook update about it was in January) and to inquire about the exact cost. He responded to say that the table was still available and that it was actually half the cost of his normal tables!

The next day, I trekked to his studio/warehouse to look at the table in person. It was even more beautiful than the picture. The table top contains the marks of 100 years. There are scratches and notches and indentions. It's a table with character and history. It's a table just waiting to be invited into a family home for more scratches and notches and indentions.

I thought long and hard about the benefits versus the drawbacks of the table. On the negative side, the table cost three times as much as the large table we were considering from IKEA. If we went with the table from IKEA, we would have had $700+ remaining (which could be a road trip vacation!).

On the positive side, the table would be our first real splurge on a piece of furniture, and it would fit really well into our open-concept home. It would be a sturdy, low-stress piece of furniture (how much damage can little kids do to a pub table top that's already weathered the past 100 years?--knock on wood...).

But more than that, the table seemed to fit right into the kind of life we're working to create for ourselves. We went with an open floor plan for our house because we want a centralized place to congregate and connect. The 10-foot, waist-high island will provide ample space for multiple people to gather to help prepare the meal or to snack on appetizers and chat. The dining room table, just beyond the island, would be able to accommodate the spillover without any additional effort (such as putting in an extra leaf). And beyond that, we'll have even more room for spillover with the sectional couch. It will make spontaneous dinner parties easier and more natural.

And the large table will be able to fit science project boards and homework and art projects. It will withstand the daily use from a family of four who will try to make it a habit to gather daily for dinner to share our joys and frustrations and insights and questions from the day. It will be there on Saturday mornings when we wipe the sleep out of our eyes and gather around for make-your-own-pancakes on the electric griddle or waffles. It will be there when we want to host Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. It can host board meetings or board games. It can even be easily moved onto the deck on a cool evening when it feels too good outside to be anywhere else.

It's a table that will gather memories, just as it gathers new dings and dents. It's a table that will feel really lonely when the boys journey beyond our home for good, but it's also a table that will readily welcome them (and their expanding families) home.

As difficult as it was to fork over a lot of money for a table, it ended up feeling like a small price to pay for such an artifact. Matt and I don't splurge often on furniture. Most of our furniture is from IKEA or Craigslist and has traveled with us from Houston to Denver to Houston to Austin over the last eight years. The new furniture we plan to buy for our house (a king-sized bed, a sectional couch, and bar stools) will be from IKEA and Overstock.com. It also felt good to support a local artist and his family, and the price was actually about $600 less than a comparable-sized table at Crate & Barrel.

Before Matt and I go to bed each night, we turn to face each other for one final chat, and we inevitably end up talking about our house. We talk about how excited we'll be to have friends over for pizza and movie nights, how relaxing and comfortable our new space is going to be. I think about how much uncertainty I had about buying the land in the first place and how nervous I felt about the home building process. I fall asleep full of gratitude for my family and our health and the life we're living--and creating--for ourselves.

Rubbermaid Closets

noreply@blogger.com (Sara E. Cotner) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:10:00 +0000

It's unreal to be able to literally stand inside our house and get a sense of what it feels like. I'm surprised by how much I'm enjoying the building process. I never had the dream of building our own house; it just kind of worked out that way because of the particular neighborhood we wanted to live in (both in terms of affordability, diversity, and proximity to the school I'm trying to start) and our aesthetic preferences (we didn't want to renovate a ranch house, which is what the rest of the neighborhood is comprised of).

But now that we're building it, I'm thoroughly enjoying the process. We visit it at least 1-2 times a week, and it's amazing to watch the progress and imagine our future life there.

Try as I might, there's actually not that much that I can plan right now.

The one thing I can start planning, however, is the closets. The master closet is 13' long, the baby's closet is 9' long, and Henry's closet is 11' long. I considered different options in this post (and ultimately decided to go with IKEA), but now I'm leaning more toward the Rubbermaid closet system. I like the customability that will allow us to design a closet to our exact specifications for an affordable price.

I started by brainstorming everything I want to keep on my side of the closet (Matt is going to design his own side of the closet):

Hanging shirts
Hanging skirts
Hanging pans
Hanging dresses
A shoe rack
Cubbies for sweaters
A place for belts/scarves
Drawers for socks, underwear, bras, workout shorts/shirts/pants, and sundry items
Tabletop for jewelry (nice to have but not need to have)
Computer printer

Then I sketched out my ideal arrangement (I tried to use their online design tool, but I could never get it to work properly). I have no idea if this configuration will actually work, but I'll try to go to Lowe's and see what they have to say. I'll also plan to watch for sales or request a 10% off coupon directly from Lowe's.