I try to keep you informed and excited about ways to lift your libido, but as we all know, it takes two to tango. Without a sexy partner, what’s the point in getting all riled up in the first place? So, in the spirit of seeking great passion, I’m introducing a new column I think you’ll love: Take it or leave it. Here, I rip bad advice from popular magazines and break down a better solution.

Today’s alarming tidbit is from the pages of Cosmo. They advise:

Walk down the street thinking, “I am sexy, and any guy would be lucky to talk to me.” Trust us, it makes a difference in how you act.

Well, they’ve got one thing right; confidence is key. But sticking your nose to the sky and robotically strutting like an impenetrable automaton? Would you be attracted to a man acting the same way? Because I’d probably call him a tool under my breath and keep moving.

There’s a line between confidence and untouchable arrogance and, while Cosmo might see it as a fine one, I disagree. There is a thick, permanent, and inky line bisecting healthy self-esteem and infuriating ego. And even if you need a boost of self-appreciation, an inflated ego is just as visible and vulnerable as a big red Mylar balloon. It will either pop and fall or float away beyond anyone’s grasp.

Telling yourself that anyone would be lucky to talk to you evokes snobbish entitlement, which can seep into your demeanor subconsciously. Without realizing it, your mantra may be turning off everyone you meet. So how can you build real confidence without going full-on snob? Try walking around with headphones blasting any song that makes you feel like you’re on a catwalk. You’ll feel the music wash over you, uplifting your natural energy and sex appeal. Plus, a good soundtrack makes life feel more like a movie, so you’ll be open to new people and new experiences as part of the adventure.

The post Take It Or Leave It: Dating Advice To Ignore appeared first on Female Libido.

Or maybe hoses and fire extinguishers are a bit too soft for you. In that case there’s always handcuffs and sexy black duty vests.

Either way, we’ve picked out 10 of the hottest couples costumes for the 2013 Valentines holiday, and at least one of them is sure to suit your fancy. Take a look below.

Sometimes all you need in the bedroom is a bit of humor, and what better way to liven things up than to dress up in a costume?

Give it a try this year. You can thank us later.

Costume images used with permission from http://www.couplescostumes.com

Top 10 Valentines Costume Ideas For 2013

Sexy Fire Babe & Fireman

Sexy Swat Team Couple

Strip Search Officers

Sexy Top Gun Couple

Rugged Tarzan and Jane

Superman & SuperGirl In Action!

Sailor Couple

Operation Game Costumes – Don’t touch me there!

Sexy Scottish Costume

Dark Vampire Vixen & Vampire

The post The Top 10 Costumes For Valentines Day [2013] appeared first on Female Libido.

Melissa Jones, PhD.

We are thrilled to kick off our brand spankin’ new “Interviews With A Sexologist” section with highly regarded Sexologist Melissa Jones, Ph.D.

Dr. Jones has been featured in USA Today as well as in many other popular media outlets in the world of female sexual enhancement, such as Sex MD, Get Lusty Podcast, Sexapalooza, and many others. She has embraced the label “Mormon Sexologist” that the media has bestowed upon her and is using that platform to help educate and reeducate clients about the beautiful reality of sexual intimacy.

Dr. Jones has been helping couples, and women in particular, improve their sex lives by giving them the techniques both mentally and physically to be able to enjoy more fulfilling and healthy sex lives.

She has worked with everyone from women who have never been able to achieve orgasm, to couples who have slowly and sadly become disinterested, to sex pro’s looking to add more spice to their relationships.

So without further ado, I introduce to you Dr. Melissa Jones!

Tell us a bit about yourself. Where do you practice, where are you from, why did you decide to become a Sexologist?

First of all, I’m honored to be interviewed by you and to be permitted this opportunity to share with your readers some of what I’ve learned.   I’ve been married for just over 20 years to my best friend and partner-in-crime, Mack.  We grew up right next door to each other in Provo, Utah where I was born and raised.  We now have three children: Madeleine is off at college, and Rebecca and Brigham are stuck home with their crazy parents!  We’ve lived in San Antonio for the past 16 years where I have my sexology practice, however my clients are from all over the United States.  In addition to visiting with them in my office, I conduct sessions with clients via video-chat on the web.  I also travel to give workshops and seminars every few weeks to a variety of groups.

A few years ago, I decided to go back and get my degree in Sexology after attending a church-sponsored girl’s camp.  One evening after all the girls were tucked in their tents, I was sitting around the campfire visiting with the other female adult leaders.  Their conversation made it clear to me that I was very fortunate to have the loving and intimate relationship that my husband and I have.  Growing up in a conservative environment can breed unhealthy patterns of communication when it comes to sex.  That night around the campfire, I believed that I was someone who could start the cycle of a positive approach to intimacy while still upholding conservative values.  So I went back to school.

Is there typically a defined process that you go through with your clients? Does every relationship need the same building blocks for a satisfying sex life, or does what you recommend vary based on the unique situation of the client?

The initial process is similar as far as having all clients fill out a sexuality assessment and speaking briefly with me on the phone.  I like to ensure that we both feel that I am the right person for them.   I also want to see if it would benefit them to have a visit with a physician to consider any medical concerns before visiting with me.  Beyond that, each visit is unique to the person or couple.  It’s all about making sure the client feels at ease and in control of the visits.  All clients will receive the building blocks—but in the way most useful to them. The last thing I want to occur is for the building blocks to box them in!

Do you feel like your unique brand of “Mormon Sexologist” restricts your clientele to only members of your faith, or does it have the opposite effect, or neither?

At conventions and conferences, I was initially apprehensive about colleagues discovering that  not only am I Christian but that I am a Mormon—a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints  (LDS).  About a year ago I was at professional meeting sitting through their opening session.  Since it was an election year it turned to politics.  I knew this wasn’t going to sit well with me.  I consider myself very liberal but not nearly as liberal as this room full of sex educators, sex workers, sex bloggers, sex toy reviewers, etc.  It was a sea of pink hair, angry women, retied hippies, and combat boots.  I looked like a librarian!  After a particular comment about Republicans not having sex and that we at the conference need to teach them how, I stood up and “came out” as the liberal Mormon Sexologist from Texas. I’m not even a Republican; I was just bothered because we as sex educators are supposed to be more accepting and understanding of others as we preach about tolerance for those who are different, have unique desires, misunderstood fetishes, and so on.  Yet, they were misjudging my heritage.  After outing myself, I assumed that my comments would cause gasps and averted eyes in the room.  Instead, I had a ton of people find me after the session to congratulate me for taking this on.  Many of the sex educators I admire have admitted to me that they know there’s a need for my brand of adult sex ed, but they’re unsure how to related to those of a Christian background.   As a result of my branding, my network of colleagues grew and so did my clientele.

Here in San Antonio I have many Catholic clients.  We open the bible and read it together.  I have read scriptures or had a scriptural discussion with about 4 out of 5 clients.  Being LDS definitely hasn’t hurt my business in San Antonio, and it has certainly boosted my business in Utah.

What role does your belief system play in how you educate individuals and couples on achieving a more fulfilling sex life?

I chose to become a sexologist because I realized that many of friends and family members where not satisfied in their intimate lives.  I truly believe that sex has been given to us as a gift from God, not only for procreation but also for the enjoyment and pleasure of a couple.  Sex can bond you; it can be a great stress reliever; and it’s fun!  I have also seen first-hand the destruction that can take place when a couple takes this for granted.  I know how sneaky Satan can be at breaking up marriages, and I am not talking about the obvious ways like having an affair or a porn obsession.  I am talking about couples who become complacent in their relationships.  They become lazy in “dating” each other after they are married.  They don’t take the time to make each other their number-one anymore.  Satan loves this because slowly you stop having great, intimate, loving sex.  You have quickie sex. Or “I know what buttons to push” sex.  The next thing you know, you are looking at each like roommates and you end up visiting someone like me trying to fix it.

I also really feel that God wants us to be happy.  I believe that when you cut through everything else and get to the core of the gospel message, it is just that simple, “Be happy and help others be happy.”   Find happiness with your partner.  No matter what your partnership is made of: two women, two men, two men and a woman.  Be happy and make each other happy.

Do you believe that “female sexual dysfunction” is a disease, or do you believe that every woman is capable of a mind blowing sex life?

I believe that “female sexual dysfunction” does exist, but I also have had several clients who have achieved mind-blowing orgasms in spite of that initial diagnosis.  One client was referred to me because she was having severe pain with penetration and orgasm.  With the help of dilators, an appropriate lubricant, homework exercises, and perseverance she is orgamsing with her husband, and they are hoping this will be the “year of the baby”.

Another client of mine who is in her late 50’s just had her first orgasm ever.  It took a good combination of estrogen cream, a prescription enhancement pill, a fantastic toy, and some patience.  Not only did she orgasm, she went on to have prolonged multiple orgasms!

I could go on and on about the couples I’ve worked with who are finding renewed satisfaction in intimacy.  This is actually one of my favorite parts of my job – helping women become empowered by discovering their orgasms and discovering they do have a libido. Its so sexy!

Do you ever recommend drugs, supplements, pills to women struggling with some form or another of sexual dysfunction?

I always recommend they discuss with their physician about whether or not a medical condition is affecting their sexual function.  Their physician may check their hormone levels, thyroid function, and other blood work.  I also ask about high blood pressure, diabetes, birth-control pills, and antidepressants as those can affect female libido.  As far as over-the-counter supplements, there’s a great product called ON clitoral gel that causes the clitoris to “vibrate”.  Then there is a pill by PINK called Elevate Libido.  I have heard great feedback from women who use the “little pink pill”.  I have also had clients benefit from trying Cialis.  The bottom line is that if the current formula isn’t work, let’s try something new.  Just don’t get discouraged in the process, enjoy it.

You mention that you “assign” couples homework to do together. Any examples?

Sure! Depending on the couple’s goals, I have tons of fun homework, usually clothing optional.  As I remind my clients, it’s like dating again, but this time naked.  Some assignments have the couple engage in “Love Touch” exercises.  These exercises help bring warm-up and foreplay back into the lovemaking process.  It also reminds the couple to slow down and enjoy each other—something we all need to do in such a busy world.

What is the #1 challenge that couples face today regarding their sex lives?

I believe that the biggest challenge for couples is selfishness manifest by complacency.  Often times, a couple gets in a rut where one person’s desires are satisfied and the other just settles for mediocrity rather than speaking up for what they want.  This pattern may go on for a while but eventually the spouse who is “tolerating” the status-quo finally gets fed up and says something.  Of course, it usually comes as a complete surprise to the other partner who is at a loss as to how to address the problem.    Sexual intimacy and adventure keep the spark alive and is an indication of generosity.  Sexual honesty can be hard, making us vulnerable, but it’s oh so rewarding.  Communicate, communicate, communicate!  Do it naked if that helps.

You find yourself standing on the world stage & you have the undivided attention of every couple in America that is struggling with sexual dissatisfaction. What do you tell them? Spotlight is on you for 15 seconds! Go!

Ok, this may sound like a time warp back to the 50’s, but hang in there with me.  My mom, she taught me to always look nice for my husband when he comes home from work.  She said, even if just a little was bit of lip gloss, it shows him that I care.  Growing up in the feminist 70’s, I always rolled my eyes at her.  Today I get it!  Men do love a woman who cares about how she looks, not just for him, but because a woman who cares how she looks is sexy and empowered. She knows what she wants in life.  Men want that from women in the bedroom too.  They want a strong woman who can tell him want she wants and how she likes it.  It’s hot!  He wants the woman on his arm that all the other men desire.  Become that woman.  She is inside of you.  Nothing will get the female libido going like being desired and in control.

What is your favorite quote?

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, a fellow Mormon.

Bonus question: Any pro-tips for those sexually satisfied couples that would like to take their sex lives to the next level?

One of the biggest hurdles in getting to the “next level” is knowing which direction you want to go.  If a couple is satisfied in their relationship, there’s no need to seek out exotic adventures, but if there’s a sense of a rut or boredom, a couple could make a trip to a local adult toy store.  Seek out some fun ideas.  Remember: no pressure.  You may be up for a new adventure but differ on what erotic means to each of you.  Makes some rules before you go.

How can couples schedule an appointment with you?

Those who want to visit with me can call my office at 210-487-0371, or they can book an appointment on the “Let’s Visit” page of my website: www.MJSexologist.com

How about for those who might be more hesitant that want to find out more of what you’re all about. Are you on Twitter or Facebook?

The best way to learn about me is to visit my website: MJSexologist.com.  There you can read about what a sexologist does and how it works; you’ll see some videos of me, listen to some podcasts, and read some interviews.  I’m not much of a techy, so you won’t catch me too often on Facebook and Twitter, but I do have a presence on both.  On both Facebook and Twitter I’m “MelissaJonesPhD”, but email usually works best.

Any last tips for our female readers struggling with sexual dissatisfaction?

Don’t make “orgasm” the ultimate goal, but also don’t give up on it—be patient with yourself.  The journey should be just as much fun as the destination.  Sex should be playtime, not a job.

Curious to hear more from Melissa?

Here’s what you can expect in your first session

The post What Mormon Sexologist, Melissa Jones Can Teach Us About Sex [Interview] appeared first on Female Libido.

Let’s do brunch

Brunch with your honey is not only a reason to get dolled up in the morning, but it’s also a chance to load up on aphrodisiacs like eggs, cinnamon, and chocolate. Buttery pain au chocolat or cinnamon buns are a sweet choice and the fast-burning sugar helps energy spike. Pair it with a bubbly mimosa and you’ll both be feeling light-headed and lovey-dovey by noon. Suggest going home for a nap or cuddle time and see what happens (just avoid overeating, which can send your body into food coma instead).

Text like a teenager

Many modern couples keep in touch with texts and e-mails, but more often than not the messages serve a pretty bland purpose. Apart from reminding your partner to pick up milk, why not use texts to remind him of your passion? If you know he’s got a slow day at the office, try texting something a little naughty. If he takes the bait, why not suggest he meet you at home (or even a hotel if you’re feeling adventurous) for a “long lunch.” This spontaneous midday tryst may reignite primal urges you haven’t felt in years.

Make it a date

While it might not always be easy to put your day on hold for romance, use your afternoon libido boost to initiate a date. Call or text your guy with a little preview of things to come. Whether you choose to be demure or straight to the point, give him some hint of what you’d like to do tonight. For example, “You seem so stressed lately. Tonight when you get home why don’t you let me loosen you up?”

Go get him girls!

The post Afternoon Delight: Boost Your Libido With Midday Passion appeared first on Female Libido.

A study conducted by authors Deborah Roedder John and Ji Kyung Park, from the University of Minnesota, concluded that brands and bags with extra flair can actually affect consumer behavior. They report, “Using brands with appealing personalities can rub off on the way consumers see themselves, even if the brand is used for only a short time.” And which brand comes with the most sex appeal? Slinky pink Victoria’s Secret, of course!

It seems that just carrying the iconic pink striped shopping tote makes women feel sexier and more glamorous, which can provide a big boost to libido. Out of 85 women surveyed at a shopping mall, many admitted that a Victoria’s Secret bag was enough to make them feel confident and even a little naughty. Some even indicated that simply reusing the bag for grocery shopping or sack lunches was exciting in its own right.

As women, the lingerie we buy, from a cute new pair of boy shorts to a lacy bustier, is our little secret. Any woman you know will admit that special underwear or pajamas make us feel feminine, even if nobody else ever sees them. Perhaps strutting the mall with a flashy fuchsia shopping bag says, “I’ve got a sexy side, but I decide who sees it.”

So why not grab some girlfriends and stock up on some sexy essentials? Then hit the food court for a grande latte and a little adrenaline rush. Because for some of us, it seems confidence is in the bag.

The post Victoria’s Best Kept Secret? appeared first on Female Libido.

Video Transcribed

Hi, how are you?

I wonder if Kate Middleton has been taking Breast Actives the last month, getting ready for the wedding.

So, I’m feeling pretty good about the boobies, not gonna lie to you. Actually somebody said to me, wow, your boobs look huge! Funny, huh? How bazar, I don’t understand how it works though. I don’t understand a lot of things and how they work. What else don’t I understand how it works?

Space shuttles … I should learn more about that. I’m going off on a tangent.

You know, it’s not like having surgery or something, that’s a no-no. I know sometimes people think they just want to be bigger and better, but I don’t think that’s necessary. Just think of that Heidi chick who went overboard, and it was kind of sad.

So, I’ve been really happy with it. Sorry for doing this in my bedroom tonight. It’s just something new, and exciting. So I’ve been really happy. Things seem to be going great.

I did miss a couple pills here and there, but honestly, lets get the profile. I love my boobs, thank you very much for asking. It seems to be doing okay, and see I’m wearing a lower cut top. Oops, did you see that? See, I wouldn’t have done that four weeks ago, now would I?

I’m going to say ciao for now.

The post Sarah Reviews Breast Actives – Week 4 appeared first on Female Libido.

Video Transcribed

Hello how are you doing? So it’s me, back for week 3 of Breast Actives.

So we’re on our third week now. I’ve been taking them religiously and I haven’t actually forgotten too many times, which is unusual for me because I usually forget to take my daily vitamins and such.

I still haven’t noticed that much, although they seem okay, and they’re definitely there and I’m happy with them. I think they’ve maybe been a bit fuller. They seem to be fitting nicely into my clothes. Sometimes you get dressed and don’t feel like it’s quite there?

I can’t wait to get into a bikini. There’s not been any bad side effects or anything. There’s a blessed thistle in the ingredients. Which is good to get religious.

It’s been good, it’s not a bad tasting thing. I’m very happy with the product to be honest with you. Certainly worth a go.

I have one more week to go. So I will be checking back in next week. Maybe I’ll have to wear something funky next week so we can see.

Nice to see you. Bye.

The post Sarah Reviews Breast Actives – Week 3 appeared first on Female Libido.

Video Transcribed

Hi there – How are you? You are? Well that’s good. I’m not doing too badly thanks for asking.

I’ve been taking Breast Actives and … 60 tablets, two tablets a day. So they’re supposed to make your boobies feel bigger. So far, they haven’t really done much.

I felt a little bit, they’ve kind of felt a little bit achey. I think they’re doing something, but I’m really not sure what. But it’s only been one week, so I really don’t think after only one week there’s going to be any huge difference. I’m certainly glad I’m taking them. There seems to be a lot of other ingredients that seem to be doing good things in any case. Vitamin E is always good.

They’re still here. For sure. I don’t have the crazy p*rn star boobs yet, they’re nicely proportioned I like to think. So we’re going to keep on going with them, and we will see. Dolly Parton had some big boobies, I don’t know if they’re real or not, but holy…

What position would you sleep in bed with boobs like that? I don’t know quite why I’m talking about that. It’s just something to consider.

See you next week.

The post Sarah Reviews Breast Actives – Week 2 appeared first on Female Libido.

Video Transcribed

Hi there – It’s Sarah here. I’m going to be testing out a new product called Breast Actives.

I’ve got it here. It looks very much just like a vitamin pill, and it contains 30 tablets. A serving size is two tablets. You’re supposed to take two tablets a day. Take two tablets daily with a meal and water, or as directed by your physician.

So why am I taking this product? Well, interestingly enough, I’ve lost a bit of weight and I think it’s gone straight off my boobies. So I’m going to see just for fun whether or not this actually does anything. So I’m going to take the first tablet now. I don’t have a meal but whatever. Lets get in here. Lets see if they’re horse sized tablets or not.

Okay so they’re rather nasty looking tablets. Done. Notice the difference yet? I take it for the full 30 days so I’m going to do one review a week and see if I notice any difference. So this is week one, and I’ll talk to you soon!

The post Sarah Reviews Breast Actives – Week 1 appeared first on Female Libido.

Video Transcribed

Hi this is Sarah – I’m doing my final week for the Libido for Her spritz. It’s been very successful. It’s been my little friend kind of in my purse for the past few weeks. So it’s been good. Surprisingly good.

I’ve always … everyone’s always a little bit iffy with these kinds of things. You don’t know if there’s some sort of marketing scam. Who would think? But it’s actually working out well for me. I’m actually impressed. How can I say it? I think I already said that my dreams are more vivid and that I get dirty thoughts a lot more. It’s been good.

Lets say the boyfriend has been benefiting.

I’ve been feeling a lot better about just anything. Just want to feel sexy, and look cool, and well, I just bought myself a few new bits and pieces. I’m very happy. I’m going to do my last spritz here with you guys. Oops, dribbling down my chin, naughty. I’ve been very happy with it, and I would definitely consider purchasing the product again. I’m not sure if it comes in any other forms.

Text message. I started my own escort service now cause I’m so sexy all the time. Just kidding.

So yes, ladies, if you’re trying it … I wonder if it works for guys. Maybe you can spritz it on his … and see if he gets excited. It’s been a good time.

Just as I was finishing up, I realized one more thing. I’ve been listening to house of the rising sun, and if you youtube house of the rising sun, it’s the highest one, and it’s the most amazing video ever and if you don’t fall in love with the lead singer, you’re not a woman. It just does something for me.

The post Sarah Reviews Libido For Her – Week 4 appeared first on Female Libido.