1. Artemis Fowl, once self-proclaimed teenage criminal mastermind, now prefers the term juvenile genius. Apparently he has changed. (Note to self: Harrumph.)

2. For the past six months Artemis has been undergoing weekly therapy sessions at my clinic in Haven City in an attempt to overcome a severe case of Atlantis Complex, a psychological condition that he developed as a result of meddling in fairy magic. (Serves him right, silly Mud Boy.)

3. Remember to submit outrageous bill to Lower Elements Police.

4. Artemis appears to be cured, and in record time too. Is this likely? Or even possible?

5. Discuss my theory of relativity with Artemis. Could make for a very interesting chapter in my V-book: Foiling Fowl: Outsmarting the Smarty-pants. (Publishers love the title: cha-ching!)

6. Order more painkillers for my blasted hip.

7. Issue clean bill of mental health for Artemis. Final session today.

Read the rest on USA Today.

Fans of the books will be delighted to hear that talk of a movie is still ongoing. Despite several delays, Colfer says an Artemis Fowl film remains in the works: “The movie has a working script and hopefully a director will be chosen later in the spring.”

Artemis Fowl and The Last Guardian is due to be released 10th of July 2012 and is available for preorder  now with  amazon. Preorder Artemis Fowl and The Last Guardian now and receive a 10% discount  from amazon.co.uk (£10.89) and amazon.com ($12.52)

The covers for both the us and uk version of Artemis Fowl´s last adventure have been revealed on eoincolfer.com

Artemis Fowl and The Last Guardian is due to be released 10th of July 2012 and is available for preorder  now with  amazon. Preorder Artemis Fowl and The Last Guardian now and receive a 10% discount  from amazon.co.uk (£10.89) and amazon.com ($12.52)

View video below to see the exclusive clip!

“Safe House” tells the story of Tobin Frost (Washington), a rogue CIA agent who is a high priority target for both the government and mercenary groups. Frost, who was previously one of the CIA’s most skilled case workers, now possesses a file that could devastate the foundation of several of the world’s powers, and the CIA isn’t happy.

Frost is pursued for the film’s duration. Set in Cape Town, South Africa, we see Frost fleeing through the streets trying to avoid being captured by mercenaries as the movie begins. When he does see no other way out, he finally turns himself in to the American consulate where he is interrogated and brought to a safe house manned by Matt Weston (Reynolds).

Weston watches as the interrogating crew tries to get answers from Frost but with no success, and, just as we think Frost might talk, the surveillance system in the safe house goes down, and the location is raided.

Weston has two choices before him: Stay and fight or take Frost with him and attempt to escape. He chooses the latter giving rise to our story. As with other films of thie genre, “Safe House” is fueled by high-intensity chases and plot twists. It keeps viewers guessing until the very end when their is a great twist in the tale.

In UK Cinemas 24th February

The new episodes, all brought to you by Foster’s Funny, are released on Thursdays at 1pm. Featuring the original cast of The Fast Show, including Charlie Higson, Paul Whitehouse, Caroline Aherne, Simon Day, John Thomson and Arabella Weir.
And don’t forget Fast Share! If you share the new episodes quickly enough, you can unlock exclusive hidden sketches from the Show.

And don’t forget Fast Share! If you share the new episodes quickly enough, you can unlock exclusive hidden sketches from the Show.

The Fast Show took a brief respite over the holiday period but returns on February 16th with more of their unique of humour! As always we an some exclusive content from the next episode – to view visit the

The Fast Show: The Fast Trailer Two on youtube. This is looking set to be  one of my absolute favourites of the shows to date with part 2 of the series seeing yet more classic characters being bought back to life for 2012 and some all new ones appear faster than ever for the very first time.

The second part of the series starts back on this Thursday February 16th at 1.00pm over at www.fosters.co.uk , and from there every Thursday at 1.00pm.

To keep you going here are some images from the show!

Line of the show “Philip Schofield´s just tweeted I have just finished off Gino D’Acampo´s leftover meatballs…”

Before it hits the TV screens however it will debut on iTunes.The drama stars Bruce Greenwood, Joe Anderson and Leslie Hope among others and focuses on a storyline surrounding a crew on a state-of-the-art research ship who are on a hunt to find a missing TV explorer who went missing in the Amazon.

It follows the story of world famous wildlife expert and TV personality Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood – “Star Trek”). After Cole goes missing deep in the Amazon, his family, friends and crew set out on a mysterious and deadly journey to find him. Led by his wife, Tess (Leslie Hope – “24”), and his estranged son, Lincoln (Joe Anderson – “The Twilight Saga”), and filmed documentary-style by Cole’s ex-producer, Carl (Paul Blackthorne – “Lipstick Jungle”), the rescue mission will take them deep into the unexplored reaches of the Amazon River. A place where nature is cruel, magic is real, and nothing is what it seems. As the journey continues, the show will take audiences along for a scary new mystery each week.

The River is available for pre-order from iTunes at www.itunes.co.uk/tv/theriver. Once downloaded, the show can be enjoyed at the viewer’s leisure, either at home via home computer or Apple TV, or on the move with iPhone, iPad or iPod touch. A full Season Pass is £9.99 (SD) or £12.99 (HD), and single episodes are £1.89 (SD) or £2.49 (HD).
 
Follow “The River” at:
 
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/TheRiverABC
Twitter: @TheRiverABC

Ladies Lesson 1 HANDKERCHIEF (Hendricks School for Scoundrels) – Ladies looking for marriage. Tradition dictates that a leap year, as present, is a window of opportunity where a lady may request a gentleman’s hand in marriage without society’s judgement. Should such a proposal be refused, then the gent (or scoundrel) in question must compensate such a blow with 20 shillings, or a farewell kiss. To learn more visit www.hendricksgin.com

Ladies Lesson 2 WHISPER (School for Scoundrels) – Ignoring the whispers of marriage? Gents, we are in dangerous times. The leap year is upon us and with it comes the 29th of February. A day in which peculiar tradition allow ladies to disrespect our strict societal norms and “pop the question” to us men without judgement being passed. Learn how to spot unwanted proposals on the horizon at www.hendricksgin.com

Timed to coincide with another international sporting event taking place in London this summer, the RSC will present the European premiere of its seventh “fast-moving and deeply funny” (Boston Globe) stage show, The Complete World of Sports (abridged).

“The pacing and timing are crackerjack. It’s hard not to grin all night – give ‘em a medal!” Washington Post

Delighted by critics and audiences alike, and starring the show’s creators and original cast, The Complete World of Sports (abridged) is a family-friendly, fast, funny, and physical tour de farce which reduces the entire history of athletic competition to a marathon of madness and mayhem, and along the way answers such questions as:

* Is darts really a sport?
* What does NASCAR stand for?
* Why do Americans insist on calling a contest in which only they compete a “World Series”?
* Who invented wife-carrying, bog-snorkeling, and cheese-rolling?
* And why aren’t they in the Olympics?

Whether it’s the ancient cavemen or the Classical Greeks, the Romans, the Elizabethans, or the modern sports media, The Complete World of Sports (abridged) brings you all the emotion, the drama and the random drug testing of sports.

Click here for a complete list of dates, venues, and box office information.

On the face of it Kindoms of Amalur: Reckoning has a lot of good things going for it – not only is it written by a New York Times best selling author, has a world envisioned by Spawn and Spider-Man artist Todd McFarlane, buts its gameplay designed was by the same guy that worked on Morrowind and Oblivion.

It certainly lived up to my expectations – even though it is actually steadfastly traditional. Its setting is high fantasy and its story is your standard hero saga. If its sounds a little generic thats because it is allowed to be. But its the in game character development that really won me over at the end of the day – from the very beginning you have real freedom to pick and choose your skills as you advance, rather than – being locked in as a fighter, mage or rogue from day one. You can play the game as a robe-wearing swordsman, a clanking armoured wizard or a stealthy magic chakram-hurling killer, and the many and varied weapons and armours ensure your hero looks satisfyingly bad-ass from the moment you raise your blade. It is, after all, about playing a role; and costume really helps

The latest expansion will allow players to live the “rags to riches story” with their Sims and share the experience using new social features such as individual in-game news feeds and live updates. Players will also use the new SimPort feature which will allow them to send their Sim into a friend’s game to perform in their world, book shows, go on tour, and be reviewed.

Along the way, players will be able to earn rewards for achieving goals and accomplishing special challenges. Players will be able to share these across the network as they will have the opportunity to post their Sims’ successes, share gameplay techniques, create wishlists and send gifts, search for new friends and share memories through their in-game news feeds and as e-cards.

In the new content, players will try their best to become famous singers, acrobats, magicians and DJs, and can build custom stages using props and special effects. How the stage is built will directly influence a player’s Sim’s performance and career progression

The Sims 3 Showtime is currently available for pre-order from amazon.com and amazon.co.uk (currently available in a limited edition and collectors edition – these feature the Ultimate Stage venue. Players can place this fully customisable venue in their world and will be able to use it as an additional stage for their Sims to perform on, complete with in-game props, backgrounds, lights and special effects.

This bonus venue is available through pre-order and while supplies last.