But I think per capita it turns out more crazy stories than any other place in Europe. Maybe there’s something in the water. Or, on the other hand, maybe it’s just that the Reuters people there have too much time on their hands so they come up with a lot of off-the-wall stuff. Witness two of their latest filings.

A motorist outside Berlin recently called police to report a dead badger on a road. When officers arrived they discovered the animal was not only alive, but was also quite drunk. It seems the nocturnal animal had eaten over-ripe cherries from a nearby tree which had turned to alcohol.

After attempts to scare him off the road failed, the police were forced to go totally high-tech, chasing it off the road with a broom. For those who haven’t seen a badger lately, that’s a sober one to the right.

Also coming to you from Berlin today is news of the opening of the “Amora Sex Academy” where wannabe lovers can try to improve their technique by playing with the erogenous zones of naked mannequins. Yes, naked mannequins, which I’m certain sounds like an incredible turn-on if you’re another mannequin. (I told you Reuters people have too much time on their hands).

According to the news organization, the show features naked life-sized plastic models in various positions. One female mannequin light ups when touched in the right spot. Another shrieks “That’s it!” when a visitor manages to put his finger…well, perhaps we shouldn’t go there nor, probably, should he. Next to it is what the museum calls its “Spank-o-meter.”

“A lot of couples come in here together to learn something,” said Uta Barkow, the manager of the Beate Uhse sex chain which is hosting the academy. “It’s been very well received so far. A lot of exhibits have that ‘aha!‘ effect on a lot of people.”

The exhibition, which was in London earlier this year and which will soon be off to Barcelona, was put together by a Frenchman.

A Frenchman? Aha!

I suspected as much.

Jim Ferri

Many of us get together with different friends and family throughout the year but somehow the 4^th of July always seems a more energetic occasion. Out comes the grill, the red, white and blue napkins, the beer and chardonnay, the potato salad and pie and ice cream, as we all gather to eat and celebrate. This year, as always, we fell right into step. Like many guys I was put on grill duty.

This rite of summer is duplicated annually in millions of homes around the country and around the world, from cabins in the woods of the Northwest, to beach homes on the Maine coast, on the baked plains of Texas and baked terraces of countless apartments in New York and Minneapolis and San Francisco and a million other places. This is more than just a time to watch fireworks and be proud of our nation, it is also a time to celebrate friendship and family.

Although Memorial Day is considered the “unofficial” start of the summer holiday, we all know the 4^th of July is really the official launch. But in addition to the fireworks and barbecues it is also our time to collectively announce the start of the laid-back season when we plan to do our best to minimize until Labor Day the rush and crush of business that envelops us the rest of the year.

We’ll always have fireworks for even in bad economic times such as this, it’s important for us to punctuate the importance of the holiday and the launch of the relaxed summer season.

As night fell on the 4^th we watched the fireworks, this time (thankfully) under a cloudless sky. And, as happens every year, following the spectacular a multitude of little celebrations — a small rocket here, a Roman candle there, scattered pops of firecrackers in the distance — continued on for another hour or two. All little salutes fueled probably as much by alcohol as gunpowder.

Jim Ferri

According to the poll of 4,600 travelers, since the swine flu outbreak 34% of people have become more “germaphobic” when traveling. And there are signs of even greater phobia — on TripAdvisor’s forums the use of the word “germs” has increased 97% and “sanitizer” 182%.

But the big news, of course, is its listing of the world’s top “germiest” sites:

1. The Blarney Stone, at Ireland’s Blarney Castle, kissed by 400,000 people per year
2. The Wall of Gum, at the Market Theatre in Seattle, Washington — a bizarre wall “mural”  started by theater-goers in the 1990s
3. Oscar Wilde’s Tomb in Paris’ Pere-Lachaise cemetery — adorned with a rainbow of lipstick kiss-marks
4. Venice’s famed St. Mark’s Square — home to thousands of pigeons and the things pigeon leave behind
5. Grauman’s Chinese Theater, in Hollywood, CA — which made the list since millions of fans touch the molds of their favorite stars

Reading this exposé I realized I had already been exposed to three of the sites, lacking only contagion at the Wall of Gum and Oscar Wilde’s Tomb. And, as luck would have it, I was to be in Seattle soon. Two days later I packed my hand sanitizer and set out for the airport.

The Wall was not an easily place to find. Hidden away on the southern end of Seattle’s crowded Pike Place Market, we found it only after being directed there by a tout for a restaurant a hundred yards away.

And it was as bizarre as TripAdvisor had promised: a gazillion pieces of gum stuck to the wall by movie buffs and tourists over a period of nearly two decades — a veritable museum to Wrigley and Trident.  And Listerine and Scope, as well.

Tourists — most in their twenties and younger — wandered by to view the surreal mural, many making a personal donation before they left. They were often photographed by their friends — some whom appeared to want to keep their distance — as they molded their gummy wads into little pieces of art work.

I couldn’t help but wonder why some gum salesman wasn’t making a killing here. And also how soon I could get to Paris.

Jim Ferri

SeatGuru, the website for airline information has just come out with its latest airline passenger survey. It provides some interesting food for thought, which is about the most nourishment you’ll get on any flight these days.

Surveyed travelers overwhelmingly said that getting a full meal was the thing they value most in an airline. And they voted Singapore Airlines as having the best food, followed by British Airways, Continental, and Air France. U.S. carriers — who were rated as having the worst — included American, United, and US Airways.

Seat-wise, 42% said they would pay a 10% ticket premium to get five additional inches of legroom, and 83% said upgrades were worth it, which suggests just how bad things have gotten in the back of the plane. JetBlue led the pack with the most comfortable economy-class seats (11%), with USAirways voted as having the least-comfortable.

As for flight attendants, Singapore Airlines placed first for having the most polite attendants (19%), followed by British Airways (8%) and Southwest (7%). United was tagged with having the rudest attendants (14%), followed by American (13%) and US Airways (11%).  It’s interesting that the rudest were all employed by American carriers, so perhaps as a nation we better start acting a bit more civilized.

And these American carriers may also want to become a bit more image conscious — 80% voted U.S. carriers more unsafe than their international competitors, likely the reason 17% of people surveyed said they medicate themselves before flying. SeatGuru did not ask whether the meds came from the pharmacy or liquor store.

The greatest fear of both U.S. and international travelers (assuming that not arriving at your destination was not one of the choices offered) was that of overweight seatmates, which is likely the reason a majority (56%) said they’d rather not sit between anyone. Another interesting tidbit was that the next greatest fears among U.S. travelers were sickness and coughing on a plane, while international counterparts fear body odor.

And among the most disgusting things flyers have seen left on aircraft seats — dirty diapers, vomit, tissues, and “mystery stains.”

So you airline execs would do well to take note — forget peanuts and pretzels and instead pass out the Robitussin and Right Guard. And don’t relegate those seat covers just to the lavatories.

Jim Ferri

I traveled to California to give a presentation to an industry group. After landing in Oakland I made my way to one of the major car rental counters to claim my reservation. There was only one woman behind the counter who, I assumed, was fairly new on the job since she had to call one of her co-workers out of the back office to help her with some code on the computer screen.

When I asked which type of car I was going to be given, she told me a model I knew wasn’t going to be right for me. I’d be doing some mountain driving, possibly at night, and I wanted something I felt comfortable and safe in. More important, though, I’m still recuperating from a broken ankle and wearing a lightweight cast, and needed to keep my left leg stretched out, and this car just didn’t provide that room.

She looked for another on her computer. When I told her I wasn’t familiar with that model and asked how big it was, she called her manager out of the back office. I told him I wanted a larger car and he pointed to a gray wagon out on the lot. “No station wagons,” I told him.

After perusing the inventory again, the woman took me out to the lot to sit in a car, which I told her was too small — I couldn’t stretch my leg out. Walking back to the office, she told me to sit outside and they’d get another. By this time I’d refused seven or eight cars and she was getting noticeably testy.

After a few minutes her colleague came out and suggested another. I sat in it and declined. Then another and finally “Holy fuel surcharge!” or whatever it is they say in this business — it fit, I fit, my leg fit.

As she and I were heading back to the office I apologized to her for all the confusion. “I have a cast on my ankle,” I told her, lifting the leg of my pant to show her, “and after sitting six hours on a plane I need to be able to stretch my leg out.”

She looked downward almost in shock and then a big smile swept across her face. “Oh, I didn’t know you were injured,” she said. “I just thought you were a jerk.”

I couldn’t help think how lucky I was my sisters weren’t there at that moment.

Jim Ferri

“Honey,” I called out, “scratch Costco — this looks really interesting.”

It was an interesting read. But since perusing someone else’s buying habits is a bit voyeuristic, I’ll condense it here so you won’t feel like some perv at the mall.

Underwritten by shopping center developer Taubman, Shop American Alliance and the US Department of Commerce, it shows how the five largest inbound travel groups — Canadians, Germans, Japanese, Mexican and the Brits — spend their money in the USA. Since I’ve dropped wads of euros, pesos and God-only-knows what else in their shops over the years, I welcomed the opportunity to see if they were returning the favor.

First of all, according to the survey shopping is one of the key things that lures travelers to the US. In fact, foreign tourists spend nearly $40 billion in our shops and malls every year. So next time you see some Japanese or Mexican tourists on the street stop and thank them since they spend more than anyone else.

Most of the shoppers surveyed were either married or living with a significant other, although 1% said they’d rather not say. Our astute surveyors, on the other hand, were able to determine that everyone was either male (53%) or female (47%).

It’s evident from the survey that there is a great lack of clothing beyond our borders since most of these people come here to buy clothes. I suspect this is also the reason for all those nude and topless beaches in Europe. After clothes they spend their remaining money on footwear, food/candy, souvenirs, fashion accessories and cosmetics, in that order.

They’re also totally self-centered since the bulk of their purchases are only for themselves with Germans favoring Levi’s and Nike, and Japanese snatching up Coach, Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Chanel and Prada by the planeload.

Together they spend one-third of their time shopping. The remaining two-thirds is split between eating, sleeping and listening to “if we go to one more mall I’m going to kill you!”

Jim Ferri

That all came back to me yesterday on a JetBlue flight when I encountered a classic case of management asleep at the switch. Come to think of it, that may not be the best analogy for a company that flies planes.

Anyway, on Monday I took JetBlue’s 6:00am flight (ugh…) from Ft. Lauderdale to New York. Despite the hour it is a good time to fly since you waltz right through security. This time, however, as I was going through and chit-chatting with the TSA agent checking my ID, she said to me “Did you know, JetBlue is moving to a new terminal tomorrow?” Huh?

I couldn’t believe it. I saw no signs in the airport alerting passengers about the move. I saw nothing on JetBlue’s website when I bought my ticket. And there were no announcements at any time. To make matters worse, my car was parked close to the boarding gate at Terminal 1 and they were moving diagonally far across the airport to Terminal 3. At the gate I asked a few lethargic fellow passengers about the move and they knew nothing about it either.

Then on my return to Ft. Lauderdale yesterday — after a near-disastrous experience turned around by a great crew (see yesterday’s blog) — we were finally alerted at touchdown that JetBlue was now in a new terminal. This was immediately greeted by shouts of “merde!” — which is a French word which people translated into English and at least 12 other languages – quickly followed by a cacophony of calls to friends and relatives now waiting in the wrong terminal. Ms. 7A, of course, (see yesterday’s blog) immediately started speed dialing every time zone from the Middle East westward.

When we entered the terminal we were greeted by a band of Jimmy Buffet wannabes, strumming away to a crowd half of which were asleep, the remainder apparently awaiting immigration papers for the local old-age home.

On the terminal shuttle bus back to Terminal 1, I met several JetBlue cabin and terminal staff, all very upset with the change as well, since they now had to take the bus back to Terminal 1 everyday to retrieve their cars, unlike my one-time hassle.

For the next hour I couldn’t stop thinking about it — all the good done by one great crew in the air negated by a few inept on the ground.

Jim Ferri

One experience concerns a flight crew that just saved the day of a hundred-plus passengers, the other is about people on the other side of the gate who are still trying to pull their heads out of you-know-where.

This morning I took JetBlue’s flight #1from New York to Ft. Lauderdale. In fact, I took it twice, the only problem being the first plane never got off the ground. There was a computer malfunction they just couldn’t fix so they had to put us on a new plane. Although this is not as bad as having your flight canceled, a plane change for most passengers is still hell.

As soon as the captain made the announcement — we were already about 20 minutes late at this point — the woman behind me hits speed dial on her cellphone and immediately starts calling everyone she knows this side of Afghanistan and LOUDLY tells each of them about the horrible event that has enveloped her in seat 7A.

“Doris, you’re not going to believe what’s happened to me…” “I’ll never get up to Palm Beach in time…” “Arthur, this is awful…”

Then she finally called home (since, we all surmised, most people stopped answering their phones when they see her name on caller ID) and we were treated to the following…”Hi, it’s me!”…( pause)…”Who? It’s Mommy!”…(long pause, and then with a stern voice)…”Your MOTHER!” I was tempted to lean back and ask her how often she travels and when she was home last.

But despite her incredible personal catastrophe the crew did manage to get us all off the plane, over to a new gate, re-boarded, luggage loaded and rolling back from the gate in just 45 minutes. Incredible! And it was all due to a top-rate crew that was courteous, compassionate and friendly. Unfortunately, they couldn’t stop 7A from hitting the speed button again with updates to the world as soon as her fanny hit the new leather.

What was interesting, though, was that the entire crew, with the exception of the co-pilot, was female. Of course gender had nothing to do with the well-choreographed movement to the new plane but once on board the crew mothered us, making us feel comfortable and at home and as if nothing had ever happened. Looking back I guess comping me on the Bloody Mary also helped.

In fact, it went so well I still feel there wasn’t any problem at all, which shows the value of having top-notch employees who have both common sense and a sense of purpose. Kudos to JetBlue!

However, tomorrow I’ll tell you about JetBlue’s customer-relations disaster that met us when we landed. I wonder if JetBlue even realizes it yet.

Jim Ferri