The rest of you curious and brave souls can go ahead and click through

The other day, I read this absolutely cringe-worthy story on MomLogic

One night, I took a look down there, and it was like my [...]]]> If you aren’t into reading a-whole-lotta beaver focused TMI, just admire this lovely picture of Saffi at 23 days old

The rest of you curious and brave souls can go ahead and click through

The other day, I read this absolutely cringe-worthy story on MomLogic

One night, I took a look down there, and it was like my insides were on the outside and they were coming out. I knew I couldn’t put this off any longer. I went to my doctor and said, “My vagina is falling out of my body!”

I was referred to a pelvic floor specialist. She took a look and said, “Holy crap — your vagina is falling out of your body, and it’s dragging your bladder and your rectum along with it!”

*Squeezes thighs together and prays*

After foaming at the mouth with fear, blacking out and eventually coming to, I decided that steps must be taken to avoid this EVER happening to me- she only had two kids, I have FIVE and a crappy track record when it comes to my parts staying where they should.

First, I thought about getting a book with some simple exercises to, uh, help the situation but after further reading, I determined that more, uh, help might be needed. My OB/GYN office offers scripts for some apparatus (not covered by insurance) which is around $300. PASS. So, I did some more Googling and ended up ordering this crazy apparatus that might end up pinching my inner girl parts but in a few months I’ll be able to use my lady clam to crack walnuts, dammit.. But of course, not before I consulted Twitter about whether I wanted BenWa Balls
or the vajayjay vice grips, which inevitably lead to wholly inappropriate comments on my part- Oh Hai Worldz, that’s forever Google-able now. And, since that is forever out there in cyberspace, for some most likely sleep deprivation driven reason, I’m telling you all about my harebrained plan to ensure that my woman parts remain where they belong and apparently this lovely apparatus, if properly used, will keep me from pissing myself too because at any point after having children, even the strongest among us know, that sometimes a sneeze is NOT just a sneeze.

My best [...]]]> I kept opening this page and staring blankly at the screen. The words just would not come. I could prattle on endlessly about the kids, about how Saffi has just fallen right into our family rhythm without us skipping a beat but I have been tearfully struggling to piece together her birth story.

My best guess as to why is that I am still in shock.

The third trimester was anything but peaceful. First I was hospitalized with the flu, then I was told her growth curve dropped sharply and that I had too much fluid (both most likely a direct result from having pig flu). Before I could even begin to absorb the last two bits of news, I sat down, put my feet up (as ordered) and POP! my water broke at 33 weeks and 6 days gestation.

I should have seen it coming. I had been complaining about feeling “off” for two days prior and I know my body- it was talking to me and I was stubbornly not listening.

The volume of fluid that poured out of me as I darted across the house to the bathroom was staggering. The Hubster started rushing around, dressing kids and shoving stuff into bags. My bag was ready but I had not packed anything for the kids. Dinner was pulled from the oven, wrapped in towels and hucked into the car so the kids’ Auntie would have something to feed them. I stuck a diaper in my pants and did my best to help get us out the door.

At this point we were PANICKED. Bo’s labor was only 5 hours long and I did not realize it was actually REAL labor for the first 3 of that. With Bo, my water broke and less then 5 minutes later he was laying, stunned, on the end of the hospital bed. We both felt that any moment the baby might just decide to walk right out and the hospital is not exactly around the corner from our house.

I was not having contractions so much as constant waves of cramps with no determinable beginning or end. The most notable aspect was the fact that it felt like someone was shoving an icepick into my left hipbone. Sitting upright in the car was horribly unpleasant and I just about got out and walked when we found ourselves stuck in gridlock after having dropped the kids with family. As we sat there staring at brake lights, the cramping broke up into contractions… very slow and spaced contractions.

And here is where I get stuck. I checked into triage, they took me back immediately and moved me upstairs to a labor suite. Giving my history of shorter labors with the last 3 kids (5hours, 7 hours, and 5 hours), they prepped the baby things, pushed in a delivery supply cart and I stalled. I was dilated 3 – 4 and 70% effaced but the baby was up in my ribs and my contractions petered out. I was given a steroid shot to help mature the baby’s lungs; then for the next 4 hours I rested between contractions and waited for midnight to come. The hospital wanted me to technically be 34 weeks before they augmented my labor with the evil that is pitocin.

Here’s the part of the story I have trouble telling…. I start thinking about the next 19 hours and feel sad, panicky, and tired. I can still feel the ache of my body as it rode the contractions, which grew tougher and harder as the pit was cranked higher. As time went on and I found myself stuck at 6 and 7 for several hours, I had to endure “the talk” You know, the one about having a Csection and the debate over whether I could get an epidural or would have to be knocked out due to the blood thinners I take and I sobbed. Then, I found out that the doctor who had been so patient with me, riding out all this non progress and telling me that it was not a big deal, that we had time was going off shift and the one doctor in the practice whom I hate and do not trust was coming on duty and that with my water having been broken for nearly 24 hours I was on a tight time line and this man might have to cut me open- I had a holy motherfucking breakdown. My L&D nurse felt so badly that she promised me we’d be having a baby before she left my side- true to her word, nurse Amee stayed past her shift to see me deliver.

For hours I rocked side to side on my feet, I rocked front to back on my knees, I bounced on a birthing ball, I laid on my left and then my right. I moaned and growled through contractions and something different happened- I started talking to the baby, calling her by name “Come on Saffi, Mama needs you to move down. Come on Saffi” The Hubster and I just knew it was destined to be her name, unusual since we’ve never named a baby we had not laid eyes on.

The Hubster was my rock in all of this. Cool, levelheaded and supportive. He held my hand when I needed it, caught me when the contractions would buckle my knees, wiped away my tears, and brushed my hair to calm me when I got flat out hysterical.

When I dilated to 9 I started doing little grunting pushes with the contractions. It wasn’t intentional but as I did it, I could feel Saffi moving lower. The nurse, at this point, had me flat on my back, hoping that the lip of cervix still left at the top would go away. It felt like Saffi was stuck just under my pelvic “sit bones” and I could do nothing but thrash and scream at the top of my lungs. At one point, just before I pushed for real I let out a scream so animalistic and beastly that the entire room froze (3 nurses, 2 NICU staff, & the regular baby wranglers). Truthfully, I remember this time with much embarrassment. I was so tired, hungry, and overwrought that I completely lost control of my senses.

The nurse who had just come on duty was trying to take charge of the situation but nurse Amee was refusing to leave until I delivered. The new nurse stood at my side smashing the fetal heart tones monitor against my lower abdomen in such a way that it felt like she was holding the baby back from making her entrance. I can remember rearing up off the bed and yelling at her to stop touching me when I suddenly had to push. There was no counting, no breaking the bed down I.just.pushed. “I can see her head, Erin!” The Hubster said in my ear and upon hearing that I stopped thinking about the pain, the people, the upset and kept pushing. I pushed 3 times during 1 contraction and there was Saffi with the cord around her neck and twisted all over her body. Nurse Amee welcomed her into the world and that doctor I hate? He walked in a minute later, looked me over and went back to the OR to finish up a Csection.

Who the hell would have thought that my 5th baby would be one of my more challenging births? I have no idea how I survived 19 hours of pitocin with no medicinal pain relief. I clearly remember sometime around hour 20 of labor telling The Hubster that he owed me at least one more baby after this- one that would walk out the right way nice and easy.

She was totally worth it though

She picked our dinner [...]]]> Tessa’s birthday was on the 24th of October and while we kept things low key due to Saffi’s early arrival, we still did what we could to make her feel extra special. I baked a birthday cake just to her specifications: vanilla cake with pink swirls, pink icing, M&MS, and marshmallows

She picked our dinner menu (BBQ chicken, buttered rice and corn) and due to the magic of blogging I was able to grant her impossible wish- giving her Tinker Bell and the Lost World for her birthday, which was 3 days before it went on sale

Oh my gosh, mom! It’s not even in stores yet. You must be magic!!

Yes, my love, I AM magic… and happily the recipient of the occasional rock star product (for free, twas sent to me in hopes I’d share it with you- which I am doing because according to my girls “THIS MOVIE TOTALLY ROCKS!”)

So what’s it all about?

It’s harvest time, and Tink is honored with the task of creating the Pixie Hollow fall scepter. After small accident on the precocious pixie’s part, Tinker Bell must set things right in Pixie Hollow by venturing far oversea on a quest! Bonus material includes deleted scenes and a behind-the-scenes look at how the filmmakers transformed Florida’s Epcot Center into Pixie Hollow!

Things you should know:

It’s available now
It’s available on DVD and Blu-ray
You will have to watch it more then once
Maybe daily
It may heavily influence your child’s choice of dress: Tessa was going to be a ballerina for Halloween but after seeing the movie eleventy badillion times she decided to be a Tinker fairy ballerina

I can’t exactly say why we are still stuck in here, nor when we will escape. They are very vague in the NICU

(click to see more pics)

Things I should be doing:

Cleaning Folding laundry Washing baby clothes Mopping Dragging out the Pack N Play and Amby bed Packing my hospital bag

Things [...]]]> I’m home, I’m finished with my meds and yet this swine thing is STILL kicking my ass. Today is the first day back at our routine and by 8am I was already begging for mercy.

Things I should be doing:

Cleaning
Folding laundry
Washing baby clothes
Mopping
Dragging out the Pack N Play and Amby bed
Packing my hospital bag

Things I actually plan on doing today:

Breathing
Playing trains
Folding some laundry

Things I will be pleased if I accomplish today:

Breathing

The scary part? Breathing takes A LOT of effort right now. I got onto the scale the other day, expecting to have packed on a few pounds due to all the steroids they pumped into me. Imagine the shock when yon scale told me I was actually down 6lbs. I’m not sure how that happened because while teetering on the brink of admission to the ICU, I was hogging down more food then a hungry lumberjack.

The baby is doing well but I certainly look more compact today then 2 weeks ago…

I am a victim of the PIG FLU.

It was kicking my ass for a few days, along with my asthma, but Chubbers McGee is doing dandy.

I am hoping they send me home soon. Though it may be [...]]]>
After a crack-ho-on-a-diabetic-bender filled visit to the ER, I found myself in isolation at a local maternity ward.

I am a victim of the PIG FLU.

It was kicking my ass for a few days, along with my asthma, but Chubbers McGee is doing dandy.

I am hoping they send me home soon. Though it may be like Bingo night, I might come home wielding an Oxygen tank.

Thanks to Jenni ( www.mom2nji.blogspot.com ) for relaying this, since I am topless of lap variety.

Comments will be approved after I get back.