Fight With Finesse

Seven Steps To Seeing Communications Clearly

2008-11-01T15:33:22-04:00

When you're confronted with confusing communications, these Seven Steps can help you see through them clearly. They are especially helpful during political campaigns and for deciphering deliberately deceptive corporate communications.

Substance - Is what is said true, right, honest and verifiable? Is it fact or fiction? Can you tell for sure? Is there a fact check or a validity verification? Does the communication have substance?

Speaker - Who is the speaker and what is your past experience with them? What do you expect from them? Have they always been sincere? Have they set you up with slander or smears before?

Sympathies - What does the speaker like, dislike or want? What are their known sympathies? How are their goals and desires reflected in the communication?

Style - How did the style of delivery affect your feelings? Was the style so powerful, you would have agreed no matter what was said? Did a boring delivery prompt you to ignore or overlook an important message?

Strategy- Why did they say what they said, the way they said it? What were they actually trying to achieve? What was their intention, motivation and goal for saying what they did,they way they said it?

Sincerity - Did they really mean what they said? Did they sound truthful? Are they being honest? Or do you sense it was dishonest?

Spirit - What was they spirit of their communication? Was it kind and helpful or mean spirited, wicked and cruel? Was it intended to help, to heal or to hurt?

As you look through the 7, ask yourself this at each step along they way...

Significance - Is what was said important? Does it deserve time and attention? Should it be ignored and forgotten? Corrected? Complimented?

A Right to be Rude?

2008-10-15T21:18:00-04:00

"You don't know who I am!" the woman shrieked when we nicely asked her to quiet the volume of her cell phone call.

Glaring at my quizzical look, she spat out her name with a haughty grandeur.

I recognized the name of an actress on one of our locally produced national television shows. She looked and sounded awful in person.

"Does that give you the right to be rude?" I asked.

A searing slew of vicious expletives disparaging my race, sexuality and various orifices spewed from her mouth.

"Whew, no charm or class!" I laughed.

She started to walk around the table to get physical.

I looked her straight in the eye and asked, "So you want a fight in FedExpress Kinkos? That'll be cute. The Cobb County Cops will love it!"

She turned and continued to scream loudly into her cellphone as her date tried to gently tug her away.

I pondered asking the manager to quiet her, but the thought of leaving my PC there unattended seemed ill advised.

The Dangers of Inflated Self Importance I thought, chuckling to myself. Thinking you can do whatever you want whenever you want without consideration for others is dangerous. Such thinking knows no bounds. Where does it end?

"She got canned from the show" the manager giggled when I saw him several months later.

"Who?" I asked.

"The lady who thought she had a right to be rude," he chuckled.

I'm not happy when people get hurt, even when it's evil, annoying people being hurt,.. unless it prompts them to change and live a more gracious, loving life.

For more insights about the fine art of cheerful corporate combat, see FightWithFinesse.com

For happiness secrets see HappinessHabit.com

Copyright © 2008 by Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without written permission from the author. Comment Below.

Power of Truth

2008-10-01T23:05:00-04:00

Some People Are Such Strangers To The Truth They Forget The Power Of Truth

They become so involved in their deceptions they themselves become deceived.

They are often astounded and appalled when someone speaks a simple truth honestly that everyone sees as clearly evident. Reality quickly destroys all their deceptions.

Speaking truth powerfully is often a question of choosing and presenting facts wisely.

When arguing a case or presenting a message, let verifiable facts carry your message. Making a judgment, saying something is wrong usually carries much less power.

Truth is often less a matter of simple right or wrong and more a vibrant vision of honest reality that everyone can see.

So paint your visions of reality truthfully, honestly and powerfully with facts everyone sees and values.

The Seven S's can help you identify and present truths powerfully and authentically.

Paint visions of reality truthfully with verified facts that carry and convey your message.

Confrontation Is Counterproductive

2008-06-24T00:00:00-04:00

Artfully articulating and asserting our authority is a key to success and survival. The goal is to encourage and energize people to want to comply, not force them.

Fight with Finesse shares skills and insights to do this effectively. Assertiveness "experts" often tout Confrontation as a primary means of protecting ourselves, our interests, of getting what we want and voicing how we feel. We think they are wrong.

Confrontations often involve Angry Altercations and unpleasant displays of power and force that are rarely productive and leave the targets stunned, confused, fearful, demoralized or angry.

Confrontation is often an empty excuse for Angry Explosion lacking good goals and good intentions. Time spent recovering is lost productivity and enthusiasm. If people comply, it is often to avoid unpleasantness, not because they agree or feel the argument is just.

I recently faced a silly situation with an angry female who wanted to tell me "how she felt." She assumed I cared. Her previous abusive behavior left me completely disinterested in continuing the conversation, so I didn't.

Confronters usually try to catch you by surprise, at their convenience when they are angry and ready for a fight. Don't let them. If you control your time and attention, don't give it to them. Put them off.

If you have to deal with them, do it at a convenient time for you when you are ready. Catching you off guard is a key component to their strategy, they are ready, you are not. Find out what they want, prepare, choose a time that is good for you.

A wise leader once commented he was confrontation adverse and avoided confrontations whenever possible. I realize the wisdom of his approach. People followed him eagerly because they wanted to, not because they feared his anger or unpleasantness.

Anger is contagious. So is enthusiastic zeal to excel and do well. Which would you like to characterize your organization and relationships?

Actions speak louder than words. What we do is far more powerful than what we say.

Is Confrontation ever the best strategy? Rarely, we think. What does it achieve? Do they have to comply? What do we want to achieve? Isn't there often a better way?

On occasion, we all have to communicate difficult, distasteful things. Isn't it wiser to find a more artful way than catching a person off guard and ambushing them in an angry, adversarial way? We think so.

Going for Greatness

2008-02-15T00:00:00-05:00

Want to be GREAT at what you do?

Fortune Magazine's October 19, 2006 cover story What It Takes To Be Great is required reading! Extensive research shows Greatness comes from hard work and practice, not innate gifts or talents.

The good news is greatness is possible for all of us, not just a talented, select few.

The feature examines how greatness was achieved in many different professionals, from golf (Tiger Woods), speaking (Winston Churchill), to music (Vladamir Horowitz) and chess (Bobby Fisher.)

If greatness comes primarily from talent or gifts, Michael Jordan would not have been cut from his high school basketball team. Michael Jordan's determination to excel and do well and his intense and rigorous practice schedule was responsible for his professional prominence.

Focused practice that develops specific skills to improve overall performance is the key. It's not just hitting 300 golf balls a day, it's ensuring at least 90% fall within 20 feet of the green with a good follow through that leads to golf greatness.

Continually trying to enhance and improve your performance coupled with intense, rigorous, regular practice is the key the greatness. The zeal to excel and do well and focused, determined practice is far more important than talent or any natural ability.

Wanting to do well, continually working to improve and practicing regularly and rigorously is the path to greatness. It’s the drive and the determination to continually improve coupled with the desire to deliver ever better performances that brings greatness. Delight with our progress helps propel our process.

Copyright © 1999-2008 by Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without written permission from the author. Comment below!

Cheer And Customer Complaints

2008-01-15T00:00:00-05:00

Good Cheer is the best way to handle customer complaints.

Respond with warm, loving, unruffled cheerful concern no matter how outrageous their complaints. Remember, a certain percentage of the population is drugged out or crazy. You are probably not personally responsible for their problem. The more outrageous their behavior, the more certain you are of their crazy / drugged out status.

Be Cheerful and Unruffled. Don’t give an angry person control of your thoughts, feelings or actions. Respond with loving warmth. It gets easier with practice. Don’t cite rules, procedures or schedules beyond your control, it won’t help.

Customer complaints express emotional needs that are often not resolved by logic. Some value, right or need they hold dear has been violated or they feel unloved and unappreciated. Logic doesn’t meet these needs, love does.

Show you care when you can't change things. The nicer and more unruffled you are in the face of their craziness, the more outrageous they will seem.

Don’t let them direct the conversation. If someone screams, “Why is this line so long and slow, why don’t you get more cashiers?” Saying the schedule doesn’t allow it, won’t help.

Saying, “Oh, I wish the line was much shorter and faster too, thank you so much for your patience, we really value your business,” affirms their angst in a loving way. You can’t change it, find ways to enjoy it.

Answering or reacting to their complaints puts you on the defensive and gives them control of the conversation.

Project positive, loving energy. Look for a security guard and reserve your right to smile, say, "Excuse me please,” and walk away. Your personal security is paramount.

Let it go quickly. Don't give them control of your thoughts, actions or feelings. Smile, give yourself a big hug, laugh and be glad you don't behave that way. Think of the misery they cause themselves and people close to them. Feel sorry for them.

Give yourself another big hug and let it go! Continue to enjoy a beautiful day as quickly as you can.

3 Strategies for Successful Sparring

2007-12-11T00:00:00-05:00

Whenever you face an argument or attack, there are three ways to address it, focus on the:

1) Substance of what was said - Are their facts correct? Do they have facts to back their claims?

2) Strategy of what was said - The tone of voice, timing, motivation for the attack, or

3) Silence - Respond with a question or don't address the attack at all. Deflect attention to another topic or ignore the attack with no comment? Or use the power of silence and say nothing at all.

If you're sitting in a meeting and a colleague suddenly states you are way over budget for a project you are managing. You could:

1) Ask, "Where did you get that absurd idea?" (Silence / Question / Deflect Back )

2) Say, "No, I am way under budget and well ahead of schedule, the project report is right here. Where did you get absurd that idea?" (Substance / Deflect Back / Question)

3) Say, "You come in and make outrageous charges you know are not true. What motivates these absurd allegations?" (Strategy)

Attackers often try to hook people into an arguments about facts. If you respond, "That's not true," they gain control of the interaction and put you on the defensive.

Deflecting the pressure back on them gives you time to think and forces them to defend what they've said.

Remember your demeanor and tone of voice are all important, they convey your real meaning.

How you say it is far more important than what you say. Stay, strong, smiling and successful!

Rudolph on Diversity

2007-12-08T00:00:00-05:00

"... all of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They wouldn't let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games."

Ridiculing and excluding good performers because of their differences at Santa's workshop? Could this happen in your workplace?

There are lots of valuable lessons in diversity from Rudolph's story.

Rudolph succeeded and became famous because of his differences.His dramatically different bright red nose allowed him to do what "normal" reindeer couldn't do, lead the way on a "foggy Christmas eve."

We need different team members to address different challenges well. Different players can do different things. When we all are exactly the same, we may do certain things well but we are very limited in our flexibility and ability to meet new, unexpected challenges.

How well do teams of affluent white male ivy leaguers understand and address marketing preferences of black single mothers, first generation Latino immigrants, upwardly mobile Asians?

If you don't include these groups on your team, you won't understand how these groups think, what appeals to them or how to market to them effectively.

It's dangerous to discourage talent, you never know when you will need them. Rudolph waited patiently, enduring the other reindeer's ridicule. When the opportunity came, he stepped into the lead position cheerfully without the support of others and did a stellar job.

Rudolph was obviously qualified to lead and had no trouble assuming the lead position.

What would have happened if Rudolph had become discouraged and moved away? Santa's sleight would have gotten lost in the fog and millions of children would have been very disappointed.

Doesn't this happen to major corporations as well?

What was Santa thinking? He allowed Rudolph to be ridiculed and excluded. Is this the reputation he wants for his workshop? Is this the message he wants to send to children he urges to be nice, not naughty?

It sets a mean spirited tone in his workshop. Rudolph was discounted and dismissed until he was needed.

Suppose Rudolph's difference was not so obvious and immediately valued. Would Rudolph ever have been accepted?

Is it okay to ridicule and exclude team members who are different? Managers who allow this to happen loose flexibility and their ability to meet new challenges. This eventually sinks them.

Creativity and flexibility require diversity of thought. Embracing differences keeps team minds open, flexible, willing and able to address new challenges and change.

Remember Rudolph when you think about diversity.

Horns of a Dilemma

2007-12-02T00:00:00-05:00

From time to time, we all invariably find ourselves in the horns of a dilemma. We're not sure what to do and we may not see the situation clearly. So what are our options?

There is danger in taking action AND there are definite dangers of inaction.

People Who Don't Fight For Their Rights And Freedom Loose Them.

The key is to find ways to assert ourselves in attractive, appealing ways that minimize acrimony.

Preserve rights and freedoms without making enemies unnecessarily.

The truth always inevitably comes out. We decide what side of it we want to be on when it does. Here are three steps to dealing with moral dilemmas, ask yourself :

1. What's the Right thing to do?

2. What will happen if we don't act?

3. What's the best possible solution for everyone involved?

Decide What you're going to do, When and With Whom. Then it's just a matter of execution.

Remember Why You're Taking Action. Sometimes it's just a gnawing feeling in your gut that you have to do something, and that's often enough. Good goals are valid reasons for taking action.

We're all called to defend our lines and position from time to time. When we don't, we loose them. When we don't stand up for what's right regularly, we forget how.

It's easy to become down trodden and corrupt. Don't let that happen. Be guided by goodness, live and act by only the very highest and best values.

See the Gold Fish Test posting. Choose actions you can be proud of. Decide what you're going to do and then find ways to enjoy it!

As Safe As Their Secrets

2007-11-22T00:00:00-05:00

Goodness flourishes and prospers openly for all to enjoy, appreciate and admire. Triumphs of goodness and compassion are valued, respected, esteemed.

Criminals Are Only As Safe As Their Secrets! They don't want the world to know of their evil actions and activities. Their joy comes from hurting others. They prey on the trusting, the loyal, the faithful.

Evil Is Taking Pleasure In Causing Pain or Harm. Evil is destructive, disruptive, dysfunctional.

Truth Is A Powerful Weapon Against Evil. When people know the truth, they are wary, forewarned. They may even take action to stop it. Criminals are constrained and contained by fears the truth will be told about who they are and what they do.

Truth Triumphs Over Evil. A safe society allows people to speak the truth, openly, honestly, completely. When people cannot safely tell the truth evil has triumphed. Truth protects us from evil.