Fili's World | A different look at Asia, China & Taiwan

Cross Cultural Relationships : Summary

Fili — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 10:35:00 PDT

In the last 11 days I’ve shared some of the responses I got from a survey I conducted during 2008 about Cross-Cultural Relationships. The survey was inspired by a book called “One Couple – Two Cultures : 81 western-Chinese couples talk about love and marriage” by Dan Waters, which is a terrific read about the topic, if you’re interested. The purpose of re-running the same themes from the book was to gain a better understanding of cross-cultural relationship first-hand and see whether a more diverse group of respondents that come from places other than Hong Kong would have something interesting to add to the discussion.

I should also point out that I was positively surprised by the response to the survey. I honestly didn’t expect to have as many respondents as I did, all of which showed tremendous patience with a long open survey. Though there’s obviously some serious selection bias and this is a non-representative sample, I believe that there is still alot to learn from those who shared their lives and reading the responses and ordering them into categories has been a meaningful and exciting journey. Since most of the respondents indicated they’d be interested in receiving updates and participating in future research, which leaves me hoping that we could do a follow-up sometimes soon.

Following is my very subjective personal interpretation of what I read in the posts:

Misunderstandings – Cross Cultural Relationships #1

Misunderstandings are inherent in cross-cultural relationships. It starts with language and basic communications, as usually atleast one side is not using his/her native language. The body-language, the humor, the slang, intonations… these small things make it more difficult to clearly understand each other. Naturally, this extends even further when you consider culture – eating habits, personal space, importance of face, sexual behavior, gender roles, customs, taboos etc.

The way I interpret this is that cross-cultural relationships require patience, acceptance and understanding from both sides and the ability to take those misunderstandings in perspective.

Behavior & Body Language – Cross Cultural Relationships #2

Behavior and body language are perhaps the most basic of differences, and sometimes it’s things that people are not aware of. It could be small things about the meaning of a hand wave, but could lead to much larger differences in socializing behaviors and how affection is or should be shown in public.

Habits & Customs – Cross Cultural Relationships #3

This extends the previous post with much more specific examples of cultural differences in habits in customs. Here, food was a topic mentioned often as well as cultural traditions. Stereotypically, different cultures tend to do things differently, and judge people – be it social status or perhaps intended respect – based on how they perceive others. Accepting others who do things in ways you’ve been brought up to believe are wrong or disrespectful requires the best of people for it to not develop into crisis. Even if the partners are willing to keep an open mind and accept those differences, close others might not, which is where family and friends come into play…

Friends & Family – Cross Cultural Relationships #4

When a relationship becomes serious, and the significant other is introduced to friends and family those cultural judgments become increasingly important, whether the couple would like to or not. Personally, I’ve been lucky, as my family has shown warmth and acceptance above and beyond my expectations, and yet I’ve heard of several instances where family was the breaking point for a relationship. In the survey, language barriers and inability to communicate seemed the most important issue, though culture came in a close second. It seems, that acceptance by family and friends is cross-culturally a difficult issue as most cultures are not very multicultural and hold expectations or preferences as to who their family members should date with. It’s hard enough to live up to family expectations when people are from the same culture, so different cultures brings complexity to a whole new different level.

Relating to a different culture – Cross Cultural Relationships #5

Based on this biased sample, it would seem that most couples who engage in cross-cultural relationships can both relate to one another to some extent, or atleast – that it helps the relationship in a very positive way. Those who reported mixed relateness or one-way relateness report slightly more complicated situations, but that by itself could be resolved by emphasizing one culture over another within the relationship, mostly by preference in host country where they both decide to stay. Those who do not relate much to the significant other’s culture hold on to their relationship, somewhat isolating themselves from cultural considerations.

Success factors – Cross Cultural Relationships #6

To make a cross-cultural relationship successful responded mostly emphasized the ability to understand each other and accept differences, patience and keeping an open mind, positive communications and ability to compromise.

Positive Aspects of Cross Cultural Relationships #7

Opportunities – Cross Cultural Relationships #10

So what is good about cross cultural relationships? Cultural sharing seems to play some role in that, allowing both sides to open-up and expand their horizons. Another well-repeated point has to do with the adventurous side – cross cultural relationships are exciting, constantly introducing something new and interesting to the couple’s lives.

Challenges in Cross Cultural Relationships #8

Yet, there is the other side of cross cultural relationships. Challenges arise, and these usually have to do with family and prejudice. For those living away from their homes or from each other location and distance plays an important role.

Discrimination Against Cross Cultural Relationships #9

Is there prejudice against cross cultural couples. Some report that there is, and that it is a problem that sometimes affects the relationship.

What’s Different About Cross Cultural Relationships? #11

One of the questions that people usually responded with to this survey is – are cross cultural really all that different than in-culture relationships? It’s a matter of personal opinion, and you’ll get to read a bit of each side. Personally, I think they are, especially if you’re not used to it or do not expect it.

If you enjoyed this series, please take a minute to write down a comment with your opinion on the topic, and what it is that you’re curious about. I’d appreciate that very much.

A big thanks to all the participants who took out of their precious time to answer a non-trivial and somewhat engaging survey.

What’s Different About Cross Cultural Relationships? #11

Fili — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 11:55:00 PDT

Are cross cultural relationships really any different from same-culture relationships? In what way?

At the end of 2008 I conducted an open-survey about cross-cultural relationships, inviting my open and willing blog readers to share their experiences of CCRs. This series of posts highlights some of what the participants shared about their cross cultural relationship experiences.

Previous posts include :

This post is about the things that make cross-cultural relationships different than any other relationships. The open question was – “What would you say are the main differences, if any, between a cross-cultural relationship and a same-culture relationship? Please try and mention examples from your own previous experience. “

Expectations

different expectations of normalicy

Within same culture, two people shares a lot of thoughts and belief together, whether they are good or bad. However, in cross culture relationship, two persons from different culture can actually understand each other\’s difference and find the best way to solve things. It actually broden one\’s view.

The main difference is differences in expectations of the other person.

Openness

my current cross-cultural partner gives me more respect and caring, yet he\’s not controling or pushy. I feel being treated fairly and with great respect in my current relationship, whereas in my previous ones i was constantly being watched by my ex. i feel more autonomous and comfortable with my current partner.

We just need more patience for the difference. However, I am not in the mainstream in Taiwan, so I spent a lot of time dealing with the conflicts caused by me myself. The most distinguished difference is that to tell my family and friends. My parents and brothers are very open-minded but not everyone is like them. In the past, people would say that theydon\’t think I am dating with a good boy. Now, people say that I am dating with a guy from the WRONG background. He is a very outstanding person but some of my family members and my friends just cannot accept him because of political issue or their stereotype.

My current partner is feminist and he respect me, such a strong ballsy girl. When I was in relationship with some other Taiwanese guys, they don\’t respect my opinions and usually complain about my stubborn personality. I don\’t like to be treated uneually like this. Besides, my current partner really cherish our time and our relationship, even though we\’re both busy doctoral students. My Exs and a lot of possible guys usually concern more about their own life plan and business, for me this is a little bit too selfish.

In a CCR, my individuality is respected, and my values as well as point of views are very well taken and listened. Since you sort of expect your partner to be different from you so you tend to be more accepting. However, based on my previous experience with SCR, I found that I was often asked to fit in certain female stereotype.

from my previous experience, my current boyfriend is much straitforward, and he\’s giving me more private space and respect my thoughts more. But I have to say it\’s somewhat not comparable because I always take it as a case-by-case issue. I mean, there\’s no such evidence of \"foreigners are all like this\".

Different worldviews vs. Same worldviews. In cross-cultural relationships, the two people are working with two different cultural frameworks. This is the case in every difference that exists between individuals. Ei. Gender- a male’s framework vs. a female’s framework. It is simply about being open and honest about your perspective and being open to another’s.

Communications / language

Communication differences: some love to talk, some don\’t. Dining differences: some were brought up with great table manners, some weren\’t. Behavioral differences: some were taught how to behave properly in public, some weren\’t.

The main difference for me is the use of language, e.g. talking Mandarin in English.

……my answer seems to be only one thing–language..XD

With linguistic barriers and different cultural experiences, it\’s a lot harder to be subtle, especially in humor. I miss that.

language barrier

the skills of commnication, or you can say the tactic of communication People here are not that straightforward (comparing to Taiwanese), I have to try to not hurting people\’s feeling more carefully. (It seems that I hurt my husband\’s feeling many times~:p) The other thing is, wemon\’s social status here are not as good as in Taiwan, my husband repects me doesn\’t mean others will do so.

I think that the way you flirt, make jokes, and even the things you say during sex change in a cross cultural relationship. Courtship behavior is different in every culture, as are ideas about what is considered sexy. In a cross cultural relationship you have to find some middle ground that works for both of you. The way that couples fight also changes, I think. You have to be much more careful about how you react in an argument.

when you are with somebody in-culture, you don\’t have to spend a lot of time explaining all the customs, festivals, rites, practices and then translating from your language to your partner\’s language and then hoping they understand. this is especially so because im very proud of my heritage. i ended up spending a lot of our holidays visiting places around the world visiting disporic communities of my culture just so he can get a feel of things. it became almost tiring for both him and me. and when he doesn\’t explain his culture to me, i get infinitely frustrated and lost. same-culture, you would almost have little issues between in-laws and marriage/wedding ceremonies, etc. you would already be familiar with your own culture\’s wedding customs and rites but in cross-culture it becomes problematic.

Understanding body language

more learning on both parties is required in a cross-culture world. but i believe there are more rewards also. my wife\’s first husband was a perfect example of a classic only son household. was and still is spoiled, pampered, childish. does not have to work, is given almost everything and at 40, is still chasing every skirt he can. is a bit hard to hold on to a relationship. but my wife has always worked (editor and writer), has never been \"given\" without work. her grandparents and aunties have always been strong people. my ex and my family are almost the same as my wife\’s. ex is lazy, even after 12 years, still tries to borrow money. my family is strong willed and work hard for what they have (no mafia jokes please).

Language would be the main difference. After that it would be the way to see life and expectations from other people. My partner still expect people behave in certain ways, and do not expect that.

more sensitives in every issues with the cross-culture relationship, as they might confused what we actually meant of a certain thing or when we making a joke.

Other

In cross-cultural relationships, there are more hurdles and difficulties due to language and culture. Often, family members are in another country and you feel homesick. I wasn\’t able to go home when my mother and uncle died because of distance and lack of finance.

I had two taiwanese ex boyfriends one ex foreign boyfriends.(plus this one,will be two) (a)sex-I never had orgasm with taiwanese boyfriends they like me to but they don\’t like to My canadia boyfriend gives first place to my feeling,he pleases me first then himself later. I am not saying all of Taiwanese guys are bad,just according to my experiences. taiwanese bfs don\’t like to When ,that really annoys me (b)foreign boyfreinds are more independent.

In-culture one: The moment of surprise is missing, there is less mutual enrichment as for education, less discovering, but also less complete asccordance on some issues, less compromising.

Backgrounds; an african woman raised in Ghana and an American man raised in Japan meeting in Turkey. It has happened and they have differences in terms of their backgrounds, religion and social habits. But, their basic values were similar; respect, tight-knit family units, religion and love. Differences will be their exterior colour, accents, language and maybe, thinking. Their arguments could be about the culture. Similarities will be as mentioned earlier. For me, I could not marry someone from back home because it would feel more foreign to me. Their life experiences, culture, priorities and their status in their society. Marrying someone from here worked better for me as i grew up seeing the same thing as them, had a mixture of friends and were educated enough to work and be financially stable, even if we were single. Sometimes, we will argue about the same things as a same-race couple, such as wanting a holiday or duties.

Opportunities – Cross Cultural Relationships #10

Fili — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 11:43:00 PDT

What are some of the opportunities that open up when in a cross cultural relationship? Do those in cross cultural relationships take full advantage of those opportunities?

Previous posts include :

This post is about the possible opportunities that open up while in a cross-cultural relationship. The open question was – “Within a cross-cultural relationship, alot of opportunities open up regarding new customs, culture, language, people, and so on. Would you say that you have taken full advantage of such opportunities? If so – how, if not – why?”

Responses include…

yes, I would never think that I will be part of Germany in the past and of course will never picture that I will learn German in my life.

Yes. I am open to Jewish American ideas and teachings, however, I will not convert to Judaism. I accept, I don\’t follow.

Yes. I get the chance to live in somewhere else.

Haven\’t had the time and opportunity to take full advantage. So far, it has mostly been about food and travel.

First: \"a lot\" is two words. Yes, it is a wonderful learning experience, and you can experience things in life not experienced by most people from your own culture. Also, with respect to language, she is a handy walking dictionary when I am having difficulty in my translation work.

only language. lucky me bc i have been studying eng for several years and i am doing master degree in usa, so it seems to be normal to speak this language to a native.

being in a cross-cultural relationship doesn\’t open my eyes to a new world as much as being actually living in a different environment. i think my experience living overseas itself gave me plenty of opportunities being exposed to a new culture and learning from it.

Not in terms of language, in part for reasons already explained. In other areas, yes and no. Certainly I\’ve learned a lot. And there are certainly things I think are fascinating about her culture that my wife finds ordinary and therefore uninteresting. But I think that too much can be made of marrying into another culture. It\’s like when we got married: Everyone knew that there were dozens of important customs and rituals we needed to perform, but no one could agree on just what they were. A member of a culture is not all points within that culture … or constrained to just that culture. People are people. Their culture does not determine everything that they are, nor should people approach life as if culture were nothing but on object of reverence or irrelevance.

I think I\’ve taken advantage of it. I\’m involved with her family, accompany her on family events and see her parents frequently (several times a week). As a result, I also speak in Mandarin alot at home and with her famliy, which certainly has helped my acquisition of the language. But this has happened naturally and hasn\’t been something I\’ve actually thought about. Basically, I treat our relationship the same as if it was with a white English speaking South African girl.

Yes in my job, social relationship and personal development.

Advantage is that I know what the life is in China. I don\’t really think that an advantage, it\’s just something I know.

mostly about the food. Both we love cooking, so we share Asia, Europeon, and American food with each other and our families.

yes.At least, I have been visit several countries,but cost much money T_T

For my case, there are both advantages and disadvantages. In Thai society, most economic/political powers are handled by those Chinese Thai. Maybe many of them can\’t speak Chinese, they still will tell you where their ancestors are from: yes, China. Moreover, those Chinese Thai also keep similar tradition and customs as my culture, if I can speak Chinese, no matter mandarin or other dialects, they will show there friendlyness right away. It is easier for me to be noticed or remembers by Thai people. The disadvantages is, I can\’t speak Thai. Although they are friendly, that doesn\’t mean I am totally accepted; and in here, networking is very essential of people\’s social lives.

Yes, full advantage, especially in past relationships. With my first Chinese GF I learned the language intensively, tried the food as often as I could, and later learned calligraphy, seal carving, cooking and so on. This time the culture was no longer new to me.

sure, you just do it by living it.

I am not sure that I would view them as opportunities. I suppose that I have used them, however, I view them as more of my life. My life is just not the same as everybody else\’s.

At first I didn\’t. I took things too seriously and wanted to hang on to my own customs. I felt like accepting new customs meant giving up my own. But now I feel much more comfortable and am trying very hard to learn more. There\’s no harm in trying something new, and everything I learn about Taiwan can help me understand my boyfriend a little bit better.

yes ive learnt my partner\’s mother tongue and it has helped me a lot in other aspects of my lives like at international conferences, etc. i\’ve also learnt a lot about latin american culture, taken a lot more interest in the history, music and people and travelling to visit these countries. in my part of the world, people have almost very little contact with the latin american world so i think i\’ve benefitted a lot.

I do agree open up new customs,culture,people… Before I met my boyfriend,I had never been abroad,he lives in the US,I live in Taiwan.I flew to the US for meeting him few times.I saw a lot of new things,that was quite a BIG lesson to me. Becouse of him,I started to pay some attention on news of the US,and someother countires\’ news.

yes, visiting other countries. Eating different foods

we take advantage of all new adventures through life that we can. some do not always work out, but most do. it helps to make life a little more interesting. we have christmas followed by lunar new year, what could be better.

Yes absolutely. I lived with his family for five months and his mom considered me a daughter. I was really fully immersed in his culture.

new customs, culture and people…interesting and keep you adapted to new environment language…sometimes it\’s most difficult part in the relationship..because of this relationship, you must work hard and learn quick on new language…

With a person supporting me, I feel that I have more confidence to push restrictive boundaries set by my parents, that I might not have questioned had I dated someone in a similar culture who also chose to simply abide by these customs. However, I don’t think that this is entirely due to my being in an interracial relationship with a guy of different values, but simply that I am with someone who can support my plights.

There were some things which happened in our household before i was married with private friends but not as a community. For example, men and women ate together on the dining table or when having a b-b-q. But when other members we were not close to, we had to eat separately. In my new household, we eat together regardless of whether i had previously known them or not. We are very intrigued by language and history and this way we learn about each others language and have fun doing so. But some things will not change, for example, we will strictly eat halal food but when we are in a gathering where there is no halal food, we will go vegetarian. Opportunites which arise, we make the most of them there and then.

Yes, for example, right now we live in another Spanish speaking country and I have a higher level of tolerance to the differences within our host culture.

yes, by learn their language to understand the culture better

Discrimination Against Cross Cultural Relationships #9

Fili — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 10:30:00 PST

How do people react towards cross-cultural relationships? Are those in cross cultural relationships discriminated against?

Previous posts include :

This posts is about possible prejudice or discrimination against those in cross cultural relationships. The open question was – "Have you ever been discriminated against or looked down upon because of your cross-cultural relationship?”

Yes

YES YES YES! It is unbelievable how rude some people can be! Between us, we speak 6 languages. Believe me, we understand what is said about us right in front of our faces. Horrid people are few and far between, but they make themselves known.

Yes. Common stereotypes are ingrained in many peoples minds from all sides. This is, unfortunately, unavoidable.

my wife has told me that when she\’s out alone with our son that younger Taiwanese (usually guys aged 15-25) tend to give her a sneering look. Women of all ages and older Taiwanese males seem more interested. Generally people are very accepting. I think the experiences she\’s had of sneering young boys is more of an international thing amongst young males. They tend to see any \"intrusion\" of \"foreign\" males into their female population as a threat. She doesn\’t experience this when I\’m with her.

Somewhat. People in Taiwan thinks that people in China are rub, aggressive, LACK of culture. In fact, they are rub and aggressive because they express themselve by or put their thought into a very direct way, which is just too much.

at the beginning of our relationship, yes, amoung other internation students.

Yes. Many people don\’t undstand why I marry a Thai guy! :p People tend to look down Southeast Asian. They are under the impression as under-developed/uncivilized.

Not face to face and not regarding this particular relationship, no. But I have seen people in online chat rooms criticize foreigners for \’stealing the local women\’.

When I brought my boyfriend back to Taiwan, a lot of people were looking at us directly. That was very impolite and annoying.

Yes. My grandma said, \"why would you do such shameful thing even if you have gotten a PhD degree?\"

Yes. Some of my family in America does not approve of me dating someone who is not white. My boyfriend\’s family mostly just worries about possible problems that we may encounter. In Taiwan we are mostly a novelty. In America a lot of people are a bit hostile. In primarily Caucasian suburbs people will sometimes be rude to him, and when we are together in Chinese areas of Chicago, a lot of people will be very rude to me.

not that serious but i\’d say probably yes. some people would ask weird question like \’why would you be with foreigners?\’ or \’be careful, they are always playing around.\’ and when we are walking in the street, people would stare at us (me) with a very strange sight…like I\’m not supposed to be with brown people.

i feel like i get thrown in the derogatory stereotype of \"sarong party girl\" just because i date a non-asian. but i would have done the same to any other girl i see on the streets dating a non-asian. maybe it\’s just my own discrimination towards cross-cultural relationships of this kind.

SURE!!!!!!!!I have been… Some Taiwanese guys asked some vulgar questions after they knew my boyfriend is Canadia. For explame:[do you just like his big c#ck?] Some Taianese guys said:[oh,you are wester c#ck crazy].

Not to my knowledge. Her father will disapprove, her mother wont like it but will approve.

Yes

probably, but i do not waste time dwelling on that which i can not correct or does not affect me or mine. you see the looks or hear the snide comments, but inside you just laugh. i am lucky to have found my mate.

Yes, all the time in Fiji. We had people push us off the sidewalk and call out to me and assume that I was just a white tourist that wanted a Fijian guy for the \"night\" Also, my parents do not approve of his skin being dark and being from a different country.

Plenty of times!!!! I married out of our noble blood and that was it! According to these people who look down on me, i am no longer one of them. They see the exterior and not interior.

A LOT.

Yes, a former boss, called us the "Odd Couple". I still do not understand why… My partner’s family thought at the beginning of our relationship that I wanted to be with him because he is a US American citizen and I wanted his citizenship. They relaxed when they found out I had the US citizenship before knowing him.

No

no, never

No, none of which I am aware.

No.

No

Not that I\’m aware of.

no.

very unlikely here in canada since canada is based on multi-culturalism

No.

no

No

Not yet

no

No

no

Not that I`d know of.

no

not that I know of.

No. You need to act with pride with where you from and being who you are…

Not as far as I know, but in the early stages of the relationship, I was somewhat tentative about disclosing the race of my partner because I am aware of the stereotype that surrounds my own situation.

np

Nothing major, yet. Matt and I certainly get more attention than the typical couple, and we get lots of questions about it too. We get a lot of curious stares, and I’m sure some people are thinking negative things, but so far, no one has said anything to me that seemed blatantly discriminating. When Matt and I go to China, however, I am sure we will experience more discrimination there.

never

In this very non-representative sample, 20 responded with “Yes” and 25 responded with “No”.

Challenges in Cross Cultural Relationships #8

Fili — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:10:00 PST

What are the main difficulties and challenges of being in a cross cultural relationships?

Previous posts include :

This post is about the challenges of being in a cross cultural relationship. The open question was – “What would you say are the main difficulties of being in a cross-cultural relationship? “

Family / society

isolation from family expectations

Being rejected by the other person\’s family due to not being a member of the culture can be a problem for some; I had encountered that in a previous relationship but not this time.

Inconvenience to communicate with families.

It sometimes makes it difficult for us to have the same friends. While we can use pidgin language to talk about things like the news or make jokes when it\’s only the two of us, when we\’re out with a group of Taiwanese or Americans, one of us will always be a little out of place because of the language barrier.

how to let my family accept our relationship (havn\’t told them though)

especially when different religions are involved, religious conversion, upbringing of children, marriage, communication with parents-in-laws are the biggest issues for me. it\’s a total uphill battle. especially when either side are very firm in their beliefs and refuse to budge. relocation and immigration issues are also big if in different countries.

Not understanding how her parents think/view life. Its completely different than my own parents

Apart from language barriers, I could imagine, once it as serious as marriage, the issue that most of the relatives can\’t communicate with each other

Getting your parents to understand

Relatives – especially parents if you are in you 20’s -as some cultures assert the external role of the family into the relationship. This can feel like an intrusion, and it may be difficult to set a compromise with family emembers and what you want for yourself in a relationship.

It is mainly social customs and whether the children will truly adapt. If they face a bad experience, say, are treated poorly by the local children in their mothers’ native land, they may be put off by that culture leaving one parent feeling outcasted. In a culture where caste matters, marrying out of noble blood can mean being treated in a really bad way both privately and publicly regardless of how good your character may be. Being excluded from social events, both grandparents, parents and grandchildren. This stigma can have long-lasting effects on the family and sometimes, we can be threatened of being disowned or disinherited, as is common in the north of Asia! My parents were stuck in a dilemma whether they keep me and lose their family or they keep them and lose me. Thankfully, i have parents who care for me well but have being estranged from the rest of my ‘entire’ famiy really makes me feel guilty as my partners family are still together and have shown us immense support. I struggle as to how i will educate my children about my side of the family and have not family to take them too.

Family expectations. They choose to stay within their culture and do not have the same level of tolerance to deal with the cultural differences and do not understand why you act in certain ways.

Location / long-distance

long distance and where to locate to start a life together

distance, money and work

being away from my family.

apart from two far places

The other big problem we are facing right now is deciding where we want to spend the next few years. Because we both have strong ties to different countries, it\’s making it a little hard to settle on a more permanent location.

long distance

if talking about getting married or long term relationship, i will have to leave my country since he is settling down in Singapore. and i think for most cross-cultural relationships which are also in long distance, the main difficulty will be \’not knowing when will 2 meet each other\’ and of course, money matters.

Prejudice / Stereotypes

When you get together with your side of the family and some members hold prejudices or stereotypes about your significant other.

Assumptions people make about others in the same culture do not apply in cross-cultural relationships.

Judgment from others.

Communications

Use of language.

misunderstandings based on a lack of connection.

language, special cultural issues

language can be challenging from time to time, no matter how good your english (or his mandarin) is. and cooking in my family poses as the biggest problem, since i only take care of my dinner, and he takes care of his.

Personally, I don\’t think culture is much of a problem, but that may just be because I\’m South African and cross-cultural relationships is a daily fact of life. It\’s not something I\’ve ever given much thought. I think language is more of a factor than culture when difficulties arise.

language barrier

The process of communication when people carrying their own cultural ideas that causes misunderstanding

Just not knowing how something is implied, taking it wrong.

Language. Expectations.

native languages. the way language is constructed. the way a person is taught to think in and of any particular situation.

Sometimes even if you are both dedicated to talking about something, sometimes it can just seem so impossible to get through to each other, to have the other person really understand your point of view. Language can get in the way of this too, because sometimes things are best expressed in a word that the other person does not know.

Usually periods while apart, it is impossible to share some ideas deeply based in one of the cultures, a threat that there will come a serious clash, which cannot be anticipated.

It would be language, if you don\’t speak in his/her language, it may be difficult to melt in his/her circle.

Differences that sometimes cause clashes in everyday situations.

Other

I think it\’s easier for us to surprise the other in bad ways than if we were both from the same culture.

The uncertainties to the futher.

cultural shock in higher level, such as viewpoint, aesthetics, religeon, morality etc.

Not being able to recognise when something is either cultural or just your partners personal traits.

I think the most difficult are the differences that occur in very important topics like traditional roles for women and men, views towards ways of raising children. If they are very different than it might be painful to have to choose.

When you grow up in two different cultures, it means you have two different mindsets, two different ways of thinking about things. This can cause problems, for example, when trying to solve problems, make decisions, resolve an argument, raise children, etc.

Now \"go home\" becomes too difficult to me. In here \"home\" means Taiwan.

Positive Aspects of Cross Cultural Relationships #7

Fili — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:09:00 PST

What’s the good side of cross-cultural relationships? What are the positive aspects of being in a cross-cultural relationship?

Previous posts include :

This post is about the things that make cross cultural relationships great. The open question was – “What would you say are the key positives to a cross-cultural relationship? ”

New / unexpected / enriching

always something new – surprises abound

its like starting a complete new life and experience things that other dont have opportunity to discover.

It opens up whole new dimensions and challenges in your life, which can be very enriching.

I think it\’s easier for us to surprise the other in good ways than it would be if we were both from the same culture.

I think it enriches your life. It gives you a different perspective on almost every level. It forces you to see things differently and to realise that the way you know things to be may not necessarily be the only way, or the right way.

Widens perspective More interested in other cultures Knowledge in other languages and cultures Advantages in global understanding

A CCR is mostly just like any relationship — the positives are the same: love, companionship and so on. The only thing different about a CCR is the interesting potential to learn about the other person\’s language, culture, food, etc., and the humor value from misunderstandings.

Another horizon of knowledge and experiences. More stimulating topics to talk about.

new interesting experiences.

Love learning new things and seeing things thru different lens cap.

knowledge

Learning more about the other culture

New ways of looking at thingsGives you an understanding of how you are effected by your culture, both good and bad

Endless discovery of another world, sometimes better work/education opportunities, probably a feeling that \"power of love\" can overcome cultural boundaries, which can strengthen the relationship.

we have more topics to talk about and life is more interesting

So many interesting things to discover. Being engaged in a relationship with a person from a different cultural background provides a unique opportunity to gain a new perspective, develop a new worldview- to grow as an individual. You can learn a new language, understand the values and beliefs behind different behaviors, be introduced to music, food, art that you are not familiar with. Cultural differences is something to celebrate!

Travel

Travel opportunities! Oh, and the freedom you feel from being expected to behave differently.

Possibility of working and living in another country Extends social network

Openness / acceptance / cultural sharing

Keep the stereotypes away from our life. Stereotype regarding to cultural and ethnic factors is the worst thing we might ever face in cross-cultural relationship. The reason is that the stereotype does reflects the feature in some way, but that\’s the extreme way and extreme result of that value and custom. The other thing is just be happy and positive. Difficulties are everywhere, no matter who I am in love with. Be positive and optimistic makes thing easier, but positiveness and optimism doesn\’t mean \"NAIVE\".

More patience to understand people To develop my willpower (to stay in or be connected to a different culture/environment)

The positives? It depends on what the two cultures are. For me, I get to have someone who isn\’t so affected by the American macho culture. There\’s a way that American men are \"supposed\" to be, and that stereotype affects American men in one way or another, either by pushing them to live up to it, or making them feel inadequate because they don\’t. I get to be with someone who has a different standard for what constitutes masculine, one that I much prefer. He gets to have a woman who is much more strong-willed and outgoing than the average Taiwanese woman. We also both get to learn a new language by being together, and maybe someday have bilingual children. I think that for the most part, cross-cultural relationships just make you more open-minded. Being with someone of a different culture isn\’t inherently better or worse, but it definitely forces you to think a little more about yourself and the way you act and some of your own stereotypes about the rest of the world.

learning how to respect the thoughts, attitudes even cultural background from both sides; getting to know what people think from a very different point of view. sometimes you\’ll know stereotype or bias towards othres are really unnecessary from talking to them (my bf)…really, the world\’s this wide, when you are accepting and exploring cultural experiences, you are getting to learn more about this world.

diversity, problem solving (different ways to solve problems), enjoying what is shared among our cultures.

A fresh perspective on your own culture, the positives and negatives about it, and being able to incorporate some of their deeply cultural beliefs into your own.

Refuces stereotypes and they have the best of both worlds. Life, itself is a unique learning experience. This is one example. They will be able to learn about two cultures and parents can help with the explaining. This relationship means that we, as parents, will be more willing to participate in toher cultures as we are will to supprt and guide eachother through their learning experiences, thus broadening their horizons.

It’s a unique experience. You learn things about yourself and your culture that you never could learn staying in your own comfort zone.

To know another culture in depth and have friends that you would’t have otherwise. To know and live in a different part of the world gives you courage and strength to deal with the daily small stuff.

learned about broader culture, beliefs, etc. open your mind, and learn to love yourself and your culture. as well as teach you to be more tolerant to other people

Kids

Cute babies.

cute kids!

our kids.

Other

Duel citizenships.

Well, and the sex is great.

being able to find a partner that does not have the negative aspect of those \"in culture\". now that i\’ve been with somebody cross-culture, im not sure im willing to accept a lot of the behaviour a guy of my culture displays