Selena Gomez, as far as young female starlets go, does not offend me in the slightest. She seems really sweet and she’s a UNICEF ambassador and then last night she went and covered a song by the original Selena during her show at the San Antonio Rodeo. The real Selena, Selena Quintanilla-Pérez, is one of my favorite people ever. For Selena Gomez to pay homage to her and bring her music to the attention of a new generation of possible fans is very cool. Also, ummm… is that her on-again boyfriend Nick Jonas holding it down on the side of the stage?

This the little couple that just won’t quit! Paris and Dougie did some shopping in Paris today before heading off to the Ritz, because their life is hard like that. It’s cool, though. I kind of dig that Paris has been slowly drifting out of the spotlight in the past year or so, like she’s over her life being completely fucking insane and her romantic entanglements being scrutinized by the entire world and she just wants something to be real and not sucky for once. I get that, and I’m happy things seem to be working out for her and Doug.

You know what’s funny about Paris’s outfit? It looks a whole lot like the outfit Snooki is wearing in this photo, but it’s painfully obvious that Snooki’s entire outfit cost about what it takes to make a square inch of Paris’s leggings. Ah, money.

Check out this New Moon parody put out by Funny or Die called Dark Moon. Props to Eve for the lip biting and Brandon T. Jackson for his breathy Robert Pattinson. It doesn’t matter if you’re a lover or a hater of the Twilight franchise (or in my case, generally clueless), you’ll find something in this you like.

There’s an 18 second preview out of Rihanna’s “Rude Boy” video and it looks really good. There’s kind of a 90s theme going on with the hair, make up and black-and-white background. And also, there’s a zebra with balloons tied to it’s head. And the song is one of the best of her new album. Thank goodness she did something about that hair.

The cause of Nancy Kerrigan’s father’s death was announced today and it does not look good for Nancy’s brother Mark, who is currently in police custody for the incidents surrounding the death.

From TMZ:

According to the findings, Daniel Kerrigan died from cardiac dysrhythmia after suffering a neck injury during a physical altercation at his house.

The Coroner says Daniel suffered a cartilage fracture to the larynx area, which was exacerbated by heart disease.

That’s essentially strangulation, guys. And yes, the death has been ruled a homicide. So Nancy’s brother probably killed their father. Over the right to use the telephone. That’s very sad.

Beyonce and Solange’s dad Matthew Knowles is a dad once again. This time, probably to a much less remarkable child, but whatever. It’s a little boy named Nixon and he was born last Thursday. The mother is Alexsandra Wright, a sometimes actress who you may remember slapped Matthew with a paternity suit last October.

Alexsandra is going to court next week to try and squeeze some money out of Matthew, who at this point has not provided his former lover or child with any financial support. Matthew’s camp says that they’re holding out on giving up money until the results of the paternity test come back. Classy.

Alexsandra says that she and Matthew had a long, 18-month relationship. That’s whack. Matthew was married (and still is, although the divorce is in progress) to Tina Knowles. That leads me to believe that Matthew Knowles is insane. How can you cheat on the woman you created Beyonce with? That’s some insane ego tripping when you think that you need more in your life than the woman you created Beyonce with. No one can even believe Beyonce’s real she’s so perfect, so how could you turn your back on that? Love’s not real anymore, you guys. Just saying.

This is so embarrassing. I mean, this is truly the stuff that prom nightmares are made of. OK, so yesterday Bradley Cooper um… like, maybe applied some sort of self tanner? And he kind of missed the lower half  of his face? And there’s kind of all these pictures of him floating around the Internet today of him with a half-Lohan/half-Ronson face at the premiere of Valentine’s Day? Oh, God. I can’t even imagine the pep talk he had to give himself before hitting that carpet. I wouldn’t have even gone. I would have stayed home and exfoliated and cried. Bradley Cooper is really brave, I guess.

Instead of having half-cantaloupes stacked on her sternum, Jersey Shore’s J-Woww’s going for half-beach balls … So in for summer 2010 at the Seaside Heights beach house.  [Celebslam]

Beyonce just wakes up, still looks better than you at your best.  Like, forever. Fuck.  [popbytes]

24 could be adapted for the silver screen.  I could subsequently wet myself. [Pajiba]

Levi Johnston still fame-sucking, celebrating son’s birthday a month late for more press.   [Celebitchy]

God damn, that is one ugly thumb: Megan Fox uses hand stunt-double in latest Superbowl commercial ’cause she doesn’t want you to know that she has wonky club thumbs.  [Amy Grindhouse]

AskMen.com’s sexiest woman of the year, Emmanuelle Chriqui, has more nip-slips than Britney, Paris, Lindsay and Bai Ling combined.  [cityrag]

Heidi Montag is “fragile”, unstable and completely unsurprising.  [Pop on the Pop]

Meet Snooki’s look-alike boyfriend.  He’s a tool, too.  [Zelda Lily]

“There’s not a better job on the planet than judging that fucking karaoke contest. It might be possible, we’ll see. They’d have to pay me a ton of dough because I already make a ton of dough.”

- Howard Stern confirming that there is a chance he could take over Simon’s seat at American Idol.

I know Kelly expressed yesterday that she’s not a huge Stern fan, but me? I LOVE Howard and I think that him becoming a judge on American Idol would be one of the best things to happen to television ever. Remember how crazy things got over at The View when Rosie took over for Meredith Vierra? You stick Howard Stern and his ego next to Ellen and her ego and Randy Jackson and whatever entitlement issues he has from being the only original remaining judge, and you’ve got yourself an explosive combo. Oh yeah, and that other chick judge who is invisible to me. She’ll still be there too. I am totally hoping this happens.

You guys watch Community? OK, well, it’s good and you should watch it if you don’t, but if you do, you know Donald Glover, who plays Troy. During his downtime, Don recorded a mixtape under the name Childish Gambino and released it on his website for free. And it’s sick. His lyrics are tight and funny and his skill level is surprisingly good.

Rapping over bands like Grizzly Bear and Animal Collective, Childish Gambino tells us what it’s like to be the most fashionable young TV actor in the game. On my favorite track, “My Girls”, he also gives some insight to what it’s like to date a dude whose job lends to a player lifestyle. You can download parts 1 and 2 of his mixtape “I Am Just a Rapper” here and here.

Listen to “New Prince (Crown On the Ground)” here:

New Prince (Crown On the Ground) by Childish Gambino

Bored single woman with absolutely nothing to do, Kate Gosselin, finally gave in to the fact that she hated her seven-thousand dollar extensions and chopped them all off. It’s unclear if the thought came to her after her tanning appointment or before her mani/pedi, but you know how us free-spirited single women are! When we have to do something about our look, we just have to do something about our look! What other priorities do we have beside making sure our shit’s on point? Nothing. There’s nothing for us to do. That’s why we’re single. We’re like a herd of wild, gorgeous mustangs with nothing on our schedules except running free and making sure we have plenty of time to just “do us”.

Now that her look is perfected, what do you think a woman like Kate can do with all that free time on her hands? Perhaps she can take a ceramics class where she can meet other young women who aren’t tied down and they can all bond over margaritas and boy talk at the local Chili’s after. I don’t know! Just an idea! I’m running late for my laser hair-removal appointment, but I’ll check back in with you later!

OK, I’m sure it’s a little funny to some of you and that’s fine, but you should know that it makes you a bad person. Look at Kendra Wilkinson! My big-breasted girlfriend was seen crying her pretty little eyes out as she left the Superbowl stadium yesterday after watching her husbo more or less lose the big game for his team. The hysterics seem like a bit much considering, you know, he lost the Superbowl and it’s a pretty big deal that he made it there in the first place, but you gotta love how supportive and loyal Kendra is. Also, it makes my uterus ache thinking about her little baby wrapped up in that blanket, too young to ever remember a day that his hot mom carried him out of a stadium crying after his father blew the biggest game of the year. They have to be the most perfect family ever. This gallery is like some modern-day Norman Rockwell shit minus the father and plus a lot of tears.