Last week, I was skeptical of the claim that jcpenney would be the most interesting retail brand of the year. This week, I owe them an apology.

In the face of a boycott from One Million Moms – a conservative, “pro-family” group – jcpenney has decided to stand behind its decision to employ Ellen DeGeneres as the company’s new spokesperson. I know it’s only February, but I’m ready to vote this Best Brand Move of the Year.

There Will Always Be Naysayers

If you’re a modern, reasonably hip brand with even a wisp of humor, One Million Moms (OMM) will not like you. (Heaven forbid they see Brandee. Or my casual use of the word “heaven.”) But you know what? Here’s a short list of other things OMM has a major problem with:

• Certain Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavors
• Saying “Oh my God” in a Febreze commercial
• Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars
• The “chaos” in the Levi’s “Go Forth” campaign
• The rumor that Howard Stern might be a judge on American Idol
• Painting a boy’s toenails in a J.Crew ad

Sure, the Moms also condemn more serious cultural issues like “Gay Day” at Disneyworld and the It Gets Better Project. And while this blog’s purpose is not to get political, I think there’s an important lesson for all brands in the case of OMM against the United States of Ellen.

Using the V-Word

OMM opposes Ellen as a spokesperson because she “is not a true representation of the type of families that shop at their store.” This statement suggests three things, only one of them remotely true:

1. White women do not shop at jcpenneys
2. Homosexuals do not shop at jcpenneys
3. Talk show hosts do not shop at jcpenneys

OMM also threatens, “By jumping on the pro-gay bandwagon, jcpenney is attempting to gain a new target market and in the process will lose customers with traditional values that have been faithful to them over all these years.”

Wait, did jcpenney hire Ellen to head an LGBT initiative? No. They hired her because she’s fun. It probably had less to do with values than the undeniable fact that people like Ellen.

The Branding Masterstroke

In the face of adversity, jcpenney had the bravery and good sense to stand up to OMM – something they failed to do last year.

“Our company was founded 110 years ago on The Golden Rule, which is about treating people fair and square, just like you would like to be treated yourself,” said jcpenney CEO Ron Johnson. “And we think Ellen represents the values of our company and the values that we share.”

And now people are coming out of the woodwork to shop at a store that stands for something, even if it isn’t exactly what they set out to accomplish by naming Ellen spokesperson.

OMM brought torches to burn down the castle. Instead, Ellen and jcpenney have used them to light up the darkness. Bask in its glory:

One Last Thing

I don’t disagree with everything on the OMM website. The world would indeed be a better place without Kardashian-edition Barbies and topless Kathy Griffins.

Image courtesy of houstonrainbowherald.com

You probably saw the thirty second spots Chevy ran during the Super Bowl teasing the new OK Go music video. Here it is, in all its painstaking, masterful, I-can’t-believe-someone-freaking-did-this glory.

More and more, my friends and I seem to spend the Super Bowl Halftime Show in various states of disbelief. Who thought it’d be a good idea to choreograph a complicated dance routine for an aging celebrity in high heels? How were these songs ever popular? In what world is Madonna engaging to the fans of the National Football League?

Why would the NFL do this to us?!

They Come for the Spectacle

Obviously, the NFL is not going out of its way to bore and baffle its viewers. But it must realize the cross-section of people who like both football and something called “Madge” is not nearly large enough to warrant the pairing. (Ditto for the Black Eyed Peas, Enrique Iglesias and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.) And all the stats tell the same tale.

However, there are plenty of people in this world who whole-heartedly celebrate Madonna. And they will tune into a meaningless sporting event to see her. They will watch the ads. They will tweet and Facebook and blog about her outfits, her backup dancers and her new album (that just happens to be releasing soon).

But there’s another huge demographic tuning into the Super Bowl, one that cares for neither team, nor the sport, nor some washed up diva. This crew has come for the spectacle. Funny commercials, product announcements, movie trailers and celebrity slipups – whether you give a damn or not, these things will be social currency for the next month.

And for all the energy Madonna has put into being controversial (read: relevant) over the past few decades, she had great potential for being a hype-worthy halftime show. Perhaps that’s why Madonna’s performance had a higher television rating than the game itself. Color me true blue.

In the end, it was her hamstring and M.I.A.’s middle finger that people cared about most.*

Countdown to Bieber

Add up all those additional viewers, the super-charged press coverage and potential for disaster – in America, an exposed nipple is Threat Level Orange – and you’ll understand why it’s only a matter of time before the marketing geniuses at the NFL and their television network of the year will try to shove Justin Bieber down our throats.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s brilliant. New consumers will tune in each year to see the show and football fans will be forced to endure it just like they have since the New Kids on the Block took the stage in 1991.

Some of us might grumble and wish for something more demographic-fitting, but after watching the reanimated corpses of The Who miss notes and beg for retirement in 2010, it’s hard to make a case for the Ghosts of Rockers Past.

*For all the Star Wars advertising this year, we half expected Madonna to make out with Jar Jar Binks in 3D before disappearing through the trapdoor.

Photos courtesy of www.hollywoodreporter.com and www.someecards.com

For the ground rules, read last year’s post. Those rules stated that I wasn’t going to consider spots that had “previously run.” Well, most of the spots were available online before yesterday, but let’s not get picky. You know what I mean by “Super Bowl Spots.”

Let me say I was surprised to have so many auto commercials on my final list. Usually not a big fan. Even Chevy’s “Happy Grad” barely missed the cut at #6. And I think you’ll be surprised by my #1 (don’t scroll ahead!). Anyhoot, let’s get to it.

5. Chevy, “Apocalypse”

Over-the-top Super Bowl goodness from the get-go with a perfect shot at the competition at the end. (Too good.)

4. Doritos, “Man’s Best Friend”

This one hit a nerve because yours truly failed to get Doritos for the Super Bowl party at Chez Norri, setting off a series of events I still don’t fully comprehend. But I digress… This spot works. Dogs. Guys. Forever bound by cat hatred and the art of “withholding the truth.”

3. Honda, “Matthew’s Day Off”

If you were born anytime between 1972 and 1992, you can’t not love Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I literally think there’s a law that states such. So take the star of one of your target audience’s favorite movies (who seems to have aged exactly 58 days) and, kind of, put him back in the role he was made to play. Brilliant!

2. Fiat, “Seduction”

I don’t know a lick of Italian, and it doesn’t matter. Today I want a Fiat.

1. Prudential, “Day One”

Context is everything. This one hit me like a sucker punch to the left temple. In a 4-hour whirlwind of special effects, cheap laughs and across the board excess, this simple little spot worked perfectly. When “real” works, it works real well.

Have you been in the liquor store recently? Unless you’re a connoisseur or brand loyal, choosing a bottle of booze is an exercise in package design. Who cares whether it’s made from potatoes or honey – I want the vodka that comes in a crystal skull.

So when I saw an advertisement for Kru 82 nestled in the pages of Backpacker Magazine – yes, clichéd: writer, beard-wearer, backpacker – I had to give the company credit for a few things.

1. Packaging – putting vodka in an MSR fuel canteen is brilliant, different and sure to move units
2. Copywriting – the company is using “Adventure Worthy Vodka” as one of its taglines: simple, bold and all kinds of aspirational
3. Trend re-appropriation and differentiation – In addition to being “green,” these little metal water bottles are ubiquitous now, except in the liquor store
4. Media buy/ad placement – Mix equal parts #1 and #2, garnish with slice of #3

So what if these guys say the stuff tastes like dreck? The bottle comes with a little strap and a carabiner.

Not to mention, if I’m going to haul 1.5 pounds of alcoholic liquid into the backcountry, I only care about two things. 1. Will the container break and get my sleeping bag sticky? 2. Does it mix with Tang?