The internet is a transient place. If websites were physical buildings, they would be dorm rooms or post-college landing pads, not colonial mansions. The kind of places you decorate with furniture found in Ikeas and on curbs. The kind of places you hang up dart boards in the living room, and place mouse traps by the fridge. The kind of places you stay for a year, then move out of when better digs come along. While there’s something comforting knowing a website has no closing costs and no mortgage, there’s always that sense that it’s not a permanent place to live online.

In the early days, there wasn’t much of a sense of loss when a site or online service got shut down. I had a low ICQ number, and thought the service was amazing (at the time), but when all of my friends starting using AOL’s Instant Messenger, I abandoned ICQ without a second thought. All that mattered was what network was best for communicating with my friends. As a budding guitarist teaching myself how to play Smoke on the Water, it was devastating when OLGA (the Online Guitar Archive) got shut down, but the reality was that it was a listing of .txt files which was easily replicated, and even more easily distributed on peer to peer sharing networks, especially as the average connection went from a 28.8 modem to something that didn’t beep and whirr when you connected to the internet.

Audiogalaxy was the first site that I was actually upset about when it met its demise. It still exists, in some form (I believe it’s similar to Grooveshark these days), but once upon a time it was a Napster meets Pandora paradise of music assimilation. It wasn’t about just having a lot of songs, it was about making connections to bands you’d never heard of. I found a lot of great new music on that service, and it somehow did a better job of making the connections than anything I’ve seen since. I was sad when it got shut down, but again, I didn’t have anything tied into the service, nothing I had gained from it was lost by it’s closure.

This isn’t an elegy for the Internet of days gone by, it’s a concern for the days ahead. As more things move online, we still have no proven track record for how long these services will last. I caved in and gave Spotify $5 this month to get rid of ads, and I’ve been diving into the service. It’s definitely a value for a musical omnivore such as myself, but every time I create a new playlist and load it up with songs I don’t own, I wonder how long this service is going to actually last. Especially when I’ve paid only $5 for what is, by RIAA lawsuit calculations, about $7 billion worth of songs. I’m equally concerned about my Evernote account, as it has become my go to information saving place, and is a service I find incredibly useful for which I’ve paid exactly zero dollars. Apparently they are profitable, and they recently made a statement about how their goal is be a “100 year company”:

Remember that scene in The Social Network when Sean Parker says,

“A million dollars isn’t cool, you know what’s cool? A billion dollars.”?

Well, we don’t think a billion dollars is all that cool either. You know what’s really cool? Making a hundred year company.

I agree, a hundred year company would be cool. The only thing is, up until now, hundred year companies tend to a) sell things, and b) sell physical things, and c) sell physical things that are universally required and have had the good fortune of never being replaced. Things like cars and hand tools and food come to mind. So does a online data and information storage company last 100 years? No, I don’t think they will. But will they last long enough for me? That’s an entirely different question.

“Will it last long enough for me” is the standard by which I judge websites and web services now. I’ve more or less given up on Facebook recently. Not because I think Google+ is better (it’s not, it’s full of dudes and animated gifs of cats), but because it has lasted long enough for me. Just like Myspace did. At some point, social networks become repetitive. You could argue that it’s because of the user base, and that if I just made new friends, I wouldn’t feel that way, but that’s not the case. People come to expect a certain level of interaction with a social site, and the expectation from Facebook is that people will play Farmville and post about how their dog is cute. And that’s all some people want out of it. It’s no different than when Myspace became a site where everyone expected a page to play someone’s favorite song and have inane, highly emotional status updates, or when everyone expected Livejournal to be emoticons and shitty poems, or when everyone expected a Geocities page to be blink tags and animated flame gifs. All of those sites lasted long enough for me to be interested by them, use them to organize groups of friends from a certain period of time, and then move on to the next best friend organization site, conveniently leaving the riff-raff behind.

I don’t worry much about the transience of the internet. I used del.icio.us for a while, and realized, after saving a hundred or so sites to the service, that I never revisited any of them. So I stopped using it. The vast majority of content online is fleeting and essentially unnecessary. There’s a small percentage of services that I do expect to last, like online banking, at least as long as their physical counterparts. Do I trust a site like Mint to last as long as my bank accounts do? No, I don’t. Do I expect to pass my Evernote notebook full of recipes on to my grandkids? No, but only because I assume food will produced by robots a la the Jetsons by then. I see the Internet not as our Great Pyramid, not even as our Coliseum, but more our Library of Alexandria: a vast collection of information that will be lost over time, never recovered, but never really missed once it’s gone.

Which brings me to the subject of this post. There’s been a rash of e-mails going around at work that end, and occasionally begin, with “thx”. Thx, as far as I knew, was a registered surround sound system, or a movie from the 1970s (the title of which was the inspiration for the name of the surround sound system). Apparently, it’s also a way for full-grown adults to say “thanks”. In pop culture, it’s used in the title of the Fall Out Boy song Thnks Fr Th Mmrs (“Thanks for the Memories” for the txt-challenged, or those who a familiar with the variant of English which uses vowels), and thx or thnx is the common abbreviation for teenagers to shoot back to their friends who just sold them pot (or Adderall, or whatever it is the kids do these days).

There’s two problems with thx, though. First, thanks rhymes with manx (ends with an x) because of the “a”. Thx, phonetically, rhymes with sticks, and would be pronounced thicks. Thnx is closer to thinks. It’s not even close to phonetically similar, which, to a semi-educated reader, makes you seem like you have some sort of disability. Second, boy boy tween abbreviations should never end up in the workplace in any form. Ever. If you do this, and you’re a twenty-something, consider this a warning. If you’re a Gen-Xer or older, remember this: txt speak is the new Pig Latin. Would you sign your messages anks-Thay? No? Well then knock it off with the Thx.

Thx,
- Joe

In context, he made it to France in October of 1944, went to Fort Driant, then spent time fighting along the Moselle. These are some random snippets from a conversation I had with him. Although I didn’t get into it during our last talk, I interviewed him for a high school project, and at that time asked him if he hated the Germans. His (paraphrased) response? “I was there to shoot them, they were there to shoot me, but we weren’t any different. If there wasn’t a war, we’d both be at home working.”

In the trenches near the Moselle

Germans firing on Fort Driant

In the tunnels of Fort Driant

P-47s Bombing

First Day at Driant

On the Eastern Side of the Moselle

For more information:

• History of the 81st Chemical Mortar Battalion
• World Battlefronts: Durable Driant. Time Magazine, October 16th, 1944
• Attack on Fort Driant (PDF)

Average iPhone user.

Today is Global Handwashing Day, although it should be called International Wash Your Hands With Soap day, as that’s really the crucial part. While the day was created to promote awareness to the benefits of washing your hand with soap amongst children and people living in second and third world countries, its awareness should be spread around the United States as well. Especially you, guy who was at the urinal next to me and walked out without washing your hands.

Our hands, one of the defining attributes of being human, are great at grasping and pulling, pushing and typing. They’re also amazingly good at holding on to germs and rubbing them all about.

Not coincidentally, a report was released today that the average touchscreen phone has about 18 times as many germs as the flush handle on a toilet. It doesn’t mention that the average touchscreen phone has about 1000 times as many apps as the average flush handle, nor that the average phone gets much better 3G coverage than a flush handle, so the report has a bit of a negative bias against phones. As someone who has never touched a toilet flush handle (I judo kick them, even the incredibly high urinal ones), I’m decidedly alarmed by this information. I don’t think my toes are nimble enough to operate my iPhone, although I’m aware that the keyboard I’m typing this on is just as likely to give me strep throat. That said, I think I’m going to go a bit Howard Hughes this flu season, and steer clear of Apple stores.

The University of Baltimore is offering a Zombie class this semester. The course description (from Yahoo! news):

Students taking English 333 will watch 16 classic zombie films and read zombie comics. As an alternative to a final research paper they may write scripts or draw storyboards for their ideal zombie flicks.

I’m not sure how this is news, but I support it. I took a class on horror literature in college, which was considerably more broad; it studied Poe, Lovecraft, Dracula, Frankenstein, King, etc. There’s very little difference between studying horror literature and studying dystopian literature, so I’m not sure why studying Dawn of the Dead and The Walking Dead is newsworthy but reading 1984 and A Brave New World isn’t. Both genres abstract our current fears into monsters or societies which don’t exist. Or in the case of zombie literature, monster societies which don’t exist. While the dystopian novels might be more prolific, people have been enjoying stories about zombies, vampires, wolfmen, and monsters for hundreds of years.

In fact, of the remaining horror types, I think we’re moving away from a fear of things like the wolfman and mummy, and becoming more afraid of zombies, robots, and aliens. Vampires, once creatures of secret castles hidden deep in dark Germanic woods, now go to high school and work a 9 – 5, so they continue to haunt the public imagination. They do have the advantage of being normal looking people, which has hurt the image of the mummy and Franken-monster in popular culture, as there are fewer places for a monster like that to hide. The last thing I heard about a mummy was written by Josh Ritter, and was actually somewhat sweet. But as science and technology marches on, the scourge of zombification or the rise of the robots seems more realistic, and therefore, more terrifying. The further we explore the reaches of our universe, the more horror films we will see staring slimy monsters from space, exploiting our fear of the unknown darkness of the night sky.

I’m all in favor of a zombie literature class. If nothing else, zombie literature demonstrates excellent character development through the stress of being a survivor, and many are Utopian works in reverse, showing how to unify and rebuild after a great loss. Plus, I’d take any class that let’s you watch Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland.

Tools Needed
T7 and T10 Torx screwdriver
Flathead screwdriver

Take apart the old hard drive case:

Why Microsoft decided to bury a 2.5” SATA drive inside of 4 inches of solid plastic I’ll never know, but they did, and you have to get it off before you can put it in your new Xbox slim. The plastic carriers are not even remotely compatible. There are three T7 screws on the bottom of the case that need to be removed. Once off, pry around the edges of the case to loosen it, then pull it apart from one side. If you have no further use for this case, then just give it a good yank and it will crack open.

Remove the old hard drive:

The 2.5” SATA drive is held in place by 4 T10 screws, and is connected by a standard SATA connector. Remove the screws and pull the drive out.

Open the Xbox slim 4GB and drop the hard drive in:

On the bottom of the Xbox slim is a removable plate. Push the tab in and pull it off. At the bottom of this port is a SATA connector. Line the hard drive up with the SATA tabs (make sure you have it facing the right direction, one connector is smaller than the other), then push it in until it clicks. Put the cover back on the Xbox slim, and you’re done!

This is completely worth it if you have an old, dead Xbox with a hard drive in it. The aftermarket Microsoft hard drives are the same drives, just with a plastic case around them so they slide in and out of the port easily.

Update October 20th, 2010: If you’re wondering about online co-op and firefight modes in Halo Reach, dropping an older style drive into a new Xbox slim will allow you to play those modes. For whatever reason, Reach doesn’t recognize the on-board flash memory as a legitimate hard drive, and I wouldn’t be surprised if future games have this same issue.

Disclaimer:
I never told you how to do this, and if you do it wrong, it’s your own fault.

Thanks to my Dad for cluing me in to this one. Apparently the Simple Sabotage Field Manual, written by the Office of Strategic Services during World War II, is the How-Not-To guide to running an effective meeting. One section of the manual describes what an undercover agent should do if they happen to be a member of a workforce in an enemy country. While there are obvious suggestions for deliberately sabotaging operations if you’re a grunt factory worker (using the wrong tools, working slowly, complaining constantly, playing Farmville), there is also a section entitled “General Interference with Organizations and Production”. Under that heading is the subsection “Organizations and Conferences”, which lists the follow guidelines for how to sabotage any meeting you attend:

• Insist on doing everything through “channels.” Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.
• Make “speeches.” Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your “points” by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences. Never hesitate to make a few appropriate “patriotic” comments.
• When possible, refer all matters to committees, for “further study and consideration.” Attempt to make the committees as large as possible — never less than five.
• Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.
• Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, resolutions.
• Refer back to matters decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision.
• Advocate “caution.” Be “reasonable” and urge your fellow-conferees to be “reasonable” and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.
• Be worried about the propriety of any decision — raise the question of whether such action as is contemplated lies within the jurisdiction of the group or whether it might conflict with the policy of some higher echelon.

Read that list again. Yes, it’s a list of everything that happens at every meeting you’ve ever been in. Is it human nature not to work in groups? There are three themes in the list above, and they’re present through out the field manual. The first is to be selfish, and do things which are only in your interest (talk at length about irrelevant topics). The second is to never move quickly, and always find ways to repeat or overdo the process (refer back to already decided upon matters). The third is the channel everything through organizing bodies, and get as many people involved in those organizing/deciding committees as possible. In essence, walk away from a meeting with the only decision being to start another meeting with more people involved.

Which made me think, what is the most effective way to get something accomplished in a group? I’ve been taking a class lately called “Comedy Through Collaboration” (taught by the very funny Jonathan Katz), and the goal of the class is to create, as a group, a draft of a sitcom pilot. It has, of course, inadvertently fallen prey to many of the tactics listed above. It occasionally seems like it would be easier to create in a vacuum than to try and come to some compromise between many different ideas and opinions.

So what does a group need to do to not sabotage itself? If someone has a good idea, run with it, and keep going from there. Never table an idea, and never schedule another meeting. As George Patton once said, “A good plan implemented today is better than a perfect plan implemented tomorrow.” Finally, never revisit ideas. You want everyone leaving the room thinking about (and working on) the same idea. You generate the best ideas as a group when everyone is on the same page.

By the way, should you catch someone sabotaging your group, remember to have them executed, then display their body on the field of battle. That may seem a bit brutal, but since every middle manager in the country is issued a copy of Art of War, they might as well start using putting it to good use.

Driving Your Car to the Beach. Way, way more dangerous. In 2009, over 33,000 people were killed in motor vehicle crashes in the United States, almost 93 per day. Now, it’s unlikely you’ll die in beach traffic since you’ll probably be traveling at the fender-bending but not skull-cracking speed of 4 miles per hour as you watch rollerbladers pass you, but have a few Coronas before heading out, and you might as well call it a life. Or maybe you’d just like to snack on some tasty, non-alcoholic treats while waiting in traffic. Not a good idea, you’ll probably…

Choke to Death on Gummy Sharks. And yes, I mean gummy sharks. About 3,000 people die each year due to obstruction during ingestion. Amongst children, 19% were due to candy, 12.5% of that being gummy or otherwise soft candies. That’s about 4 kids a year, and while adults are more adept at chewing (and probably eat fewer gummy sharks), simply enjoying a snack is much more dangerous than any shark. If you do manage to survive the car ride, you might want to think twice before getting a real meal once you get to the beach, because you’re even more likely to die…

Eating Fish. About 5,000 people in the United States die every year due to food-borne diseases. Sure, that shark is a big scary fish, but the mahi-mahi that got left out on the counter of Tugboat Bob’s Seafood Shanty is much more dangerous. Well, it’s not so much the fish itself as the little fellas crawling all about it. Makes shark attacks seem much more reasonable; they don’t want to hurt people, they just want their food fresh. Oh, and if you do pick something well cooked, remember to wait 30 minutes before going swimming, otherwise you might…

Drown. Over 3,000 people drown each year, regardless of stomach contents (although, drinking and swimming is always a bad idea). And if you’re male and a minority, swimming in the ocean is as dangerous as heading out with the crew of the Starship Enterprise. Let’s assume you decide to stay out of the water, and lay out on the warm, safe beach instead. Uh oh, looks like you’re trying to get…

Skin Cancer. Yes, it is caused by exposure to the sun, and it kills about 8,000 people every year. As Kurt Vonnegut never suggested, you should always wear sunscreen.

So by now you’re probably saying, “screw it, I’ll take my chances with the sharks.” Good! It’s completely irrational to be afraid of something that has less chance of killing you than a lightning bolt or a forklift. But, do remember, if you are one of those unfortunate 50 to 75 people who were attacked by a shark, there’s more bad news: you might just die of an infection in the hospital. The hospital you’re holed up in is swimming with little fellas who’d like to hole up in your bloodstream. While the number of deaths due to infections isn’t concrete, studies estimate it to be around 10,000 per year. Sure, the odds of living without hospital care is pretty slim, but you’re not out of the woods yet.

Have a fun Summer everyone!

Reading on iPad and Kindle Up to 10 Percent Slower Than Paper and Ink, Study Finds. Yup, a scientifically shaky study shows that reading on a screen is harder than reading a book. It also showed that reading on a PC is the worst possible way to read outside of trying to read Skymall while experiencing turbulence. The proof?

To run the test, Nielsen had each participant read a short story by Ernest Hemingway. Each participant was timed (finishing the story, on average, around 17 minutes and 40 seconds), then quizzed to determine their comprehension and understanding of what they just read.

I’d love to know how many people out of the 24 comprehended the story at all. I imagine the questions were more along the lines of, “who wrote this story?” than, “where in Africa can you get an abortion?”

iPhone 4: Signal Strength Display Issue Only, Software Update Coming. After weeks of complaining about iPhone 4 reception issues, Apple comes out and tells everyone the phone doesn’t have reception issues, it’s just lying about its signal strength. Brilliant! You still can’t make calls, but an upcoming update will more accurately inform you that you can’t make calls. Fancy retina displays full of pixels aren’t very impressive when there’s no signal bars to display. Give Apple’s marketing division some credit, going from, “it’s not just a phone!” to, “it’s not even a phone!” in only a few years is impressive.

Finally, Prince has declared the Internet completely over. Seems the pop star feels that the Internet has already gone the way of MTV, and thinks that:

… all these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can’t be good for you.

He also mentions that his latest creation, 20TEN, will be released for free to Daily Mirror readers. One can only assume it will be released on a wax cylinder, or possibly Prince will personally sing the songs to all the readers to keep their minds number free.

I think this is a great story, and congratulations to David and his family. On the other hand, if this means everyone is going to start posting their children doing stupid crap on Youtube, this couldn’t be worse news. I can already hear housewives in Oklahoma sitting their kids in front of a video camera, gently poking them and handing them random objects so their adorable little children can say something stupid that fits on a t-shirt. Or maybe they’re handing them teddy bears dipped in chloroform. I mean, $150,000 is a lot of money. It might be worth it.

Personally, I think someone should pay this cat $150,000. For my money, I’d rather watch animals do stupid things than kids do stupid things any day of the week.