the swallow prince

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noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 01:13:00 +0000

There's something pushing me to do things i like to do. This feeling is strange and unbearable. The whole world is turning around too fast in the opposite direction. There's no meaning to anything. No thoughts, just a plain feeling.

Books are growing angry at me for not reading; pencils whine in a wooden box, waiting. Inspiration belongs close to me, but my mind keeps changing instantly. I don't know what to do, with habits on a heavy chain locked onto my wrists and ankles.

I wish I were on a train to somewhere. I bet I could find myself where the grass is cold and the sky is looking through people's eyes. Deciding what I want to do, say or be is frustrating, so I'll have to be both Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for a long while.

travels

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 19:29:00 +0000

My sister is away on a vacation now, and what better thing to do when you are missing someone than going back in time. Both we are now basing our lives over art and imagination, forgetting our past and only seeing the desired future. Even though still very young, our hearts slowly become stiff, locked inside the four walls. Hopefully, we won't fulfill our childhood's dreams of getting famous. Hopefully, we'll just run away free, on an old car, down the lost and crooked road.

the birds are singing to calm us down

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 18:40:00 +0000

I have been doing better over the weekend. I thought that maybe I am way too nervous. The semester is ending, and the tests are coming... A lot of things have to be done. Yet somehow, I still imagine out wavy hair, mini skirts and bows - exactly what associated with school for years before I went to first grade... My goals this year are all pretty sharp - I have never before made a list of things I want to accomplish. I am starting off very introspective. I guess this year I'll be talking to myself much more than ever.

Old pictures show all your dreams. Silent thoughts are filled with light.

ramblings

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 19:28:00 +0000

My head - filled with sad thoughts. I plan a lot of things and I do wish I could make it. It's snowing outside and the walls of my room are white. Slippers warm up my feet, but not my heart. Bottles of paint are waiting, unopened. Butterflies in my stomach everytime I look at the sky...
Yesterday was a sleepless night.

humming sounds

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:20:00 +0000

Anne of Green Gables won my heart and keeps it still, yet I finished reading weeks ago. I don't know why I have not read it years ago, though. I guess back than I was more of a boy, wanting to sail as Jim Hawkins on journeys, be beaten by waves, eaten alive by sea dragons, fighting my way to the outside.

Today my throat seems to be full of honey, for I keep saying dusty words. Like a pigeon who tries to sing, I make humming sounds. Recently I found out the true meaning of "giving" and "making", now I can't stop. It feels better than anything I have ever felt, making my head light and my vision unfocused, giving my face a carefree smile.

merry happy

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 20:19:00 +0000

I'm sorry I disappeared. I got very sick and stayed that way for a week. The whole time I was sketching in a small journal with my pen, eating oranges. I didn't throw away the skin, partially because I wasn't able to get up, mainly because they smell really good, and fill in the blank space on my dresser that came in (yay!) I am happy, but not very set to write two essays that I've missed. On the other hand - Christmas is near, and New Year is going to be afterwards, and then Orthodox Christmas on January 6th. So much to celebrate!

the pup

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:00:00 +0000

How much does it take us to learn things? We float above our own heads, dreaming. Listening to whispering willows wrapped in woe. Screaming silently, thinking about past faults...

Smokey seems to grow up faster than I thought he would. This lovely pup on the picture is now as big as me if he'd stood up. Sometimes he does impress me by doing well, like a long-trained dog. But sometimes he doesn't seem to listen at all. Playful little thing, like a child. Only I think children are much more teachable. And, of course, more interesting. Kids have always scared me in one way, but fascinated in other. How imaginative they might be, if you let them! I wonder what Smokey imagines in his doggy mind...

dark magic

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:00:00 +0000

I keep waiting for something mystical to happen - days ago, when I opened the window I saw lights in the fog, thinking of fairies. I thought that maybe I search in the wrong places, hoping to find one to see magic in. I wish I had some sort of a device to point out where exactly this place is. And maybe, there is no place - maybe there is a person. Oh, how I'd like to meet all those wonderful people from books! I want them to show me the worlds they live in. Maybe we'd make good friends, or mortal enemies. It's really interesting and exciting to have a mortal enemy. I think so.

Dreams of dark forests and witches crawl inside my head. Yesterday was sunny, yet the sky is crying again today.

to thank

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 21:22:00 +0000

Thanksgiving. Not exactly my holiday, because I'm not originally American. But still a good reason to eat pumpkin bread isn't it? Ice cream is good too. Especially when it melts down just a bit, impatiently.

It's nice too see that my room is coming to live. I will, hopefully, have my old dresser soon; then, it would be nice to have some more shelves around. I plan to fill them with more books and dolls, and other little things. I remind myself of ice-cream right now - so so impatient.

ghosts and dusty books

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:45:00 +0000

My room is such a messy place! It looks like nobody lived there for ages, that's how messy. When I think that, I start imagining myself being a ghost, who doesn't technically "live", but does "exist". That very distantly explains why my room is the way it is. I really need a big chest to put my treasures in and bury under my bed.

I've been reading "Anne of Green Gables" by Lucy Maud Montgomery for awhile now. It's such a joy! Anne is precious and familiar. I had a huge list of books including "Tuck Everlasting" and "The Bronze Bow", but when I saw this title it instantly felt right up my street. "The Little Princess" also wants to be on my shelf badly. It'd be pleasant to re-read it all over and over again on rainy evenings...

sweet sweet sweeter

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:16:00 +0000

Alice was kind enough to finally let me find her. She had been lying in the nail polish box all this time. She was followed by my glitter pens that I've lost. I'm still feeling kind of cross at her for hiding for so long, but so happy she had finally showed up.
For the last three days I felt ill and I stopped eating. I am a bit better today, but my hands are still shaking. Val brought some kiwis, crackers and marshmallows. It had cheered me up quite right. How was your to-day?

words of seasons

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:57:00 +0000

What's your favorite time of the year? I can't really decide. When It's cold in winter, I wish it was summer, to feel the warmth. When it's hot in summer, I want Christmas to come sooner...

Right now, I wish it was spring. So instead of getting colder, it was getting warmer with each day; the breeze would touch, play with my hair and whisper stories in my ear. I know he's got lots of them. He sees things through with invisible eyes, and his tiny heart longs in every leaf, and his name is a sound of deep breaths and silver bells. Breeze...

restless things

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:53:00 +0000

I have just re-discovered my "a-la Molly Ringwald" boots. Love them madly. A tick bit me and I was panicking the whole yesterday, but In autumn they aren't anything deadly. I baked a cake and looked up what my dreams meant in the dream dictionary. I don't actually believe these things. And my sister usually gets something bad. That's why she'd been a Grumpy for a bit today. But the cake had obviously cheered her up.

I thought of my lungs, my heart and my brain. Poor things, they never have a chance to rest.

où la feuille va-t-elle ?

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 22:01:00 +0000

The path to a forest is gone. They had it vanished, so they could build another building. My sister and I wanted to find other path, but there was nothing. Instead, we found an abandoned stadium. It was surely very lonely, but beautiful. The light shone on it generously, feeling pity. Outside of the stadium was a house. It reminded me of Parthenon, as it stood alone, beautiful and mighty. It was surrounded by billions of leaves and I'm sure that nobody lives there, but them. We walked near the house and they whispered -

"Hush! The sun shall shine, so lis-s-sten!"

time and space

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:02:00 +0000

I feel like I'm killing time. I want to do so much, but I do so little and it scares me. I really want to start baking again. But this time something new, something that I've never even tasted before. I feel like I need to paint more, too. The last time I actually painted something was in the third or fourth grade. It was winter and we had to paint winter landscapes.

Yesterday I dreamt of life on other planets. Maybe there is life, the one that doesn't need air or water, the one that is so tiny, that the best microscope won't see it. I thought of Alice of "The Secret of The Third Planet". When I was little I used to want to be her, there, in the 22 century. But If you ask me when would I want to live now, the answer would be - in the past. Times change.

remembering

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:09:00 +0000

I've noticed that I don't read as much anymore. I also miss old school mail that I used to send to my friend. Now it's a matter of seconds via web-mail. I used to love writing and scribbling, and I used to love waiting. I remember the picture she sent me back. It was a picture of me, but at the same time of her. I used to notice people inside their pictures. And now it's all gone.

floating prince

noreply@blogger.com (a girl named John) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:27:00 +0000

I don't like first posts and my name is not really John. Watch me grow and take first steps.