Flogs

Award winning Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 08:14:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Friday, May 11, 2007 10:03 AM
To:
Subject: FW: Award winning Joke!

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are

always

getting into trouble and their parents know all

about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are

probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had

been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak

with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them

individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the

morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the

younger boy down and asked him sternly,

"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,

sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even

sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher

raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and

bellowed,

"Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran

directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what

happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We

are in BIG trouble this time.

........................

("I just LOVE reading next line again and again")

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GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strange deaths

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 08:05:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Friday, May 11, 2007 10:03 AM
To:
Subject:

Death by Embracing the Reflection of the Moon

Chinese poet Li Po (701-706) is regarded as one of the two greatest poets in China's literary history. He was well known for his love of liquor and often spouted his greatest poems while drunk.

One night, Li Po fell from his boat and drowned in the Yangtze River while trying to embrace the reflection of the moon in the water.

Death by Beard

Austrian Hans Steininger was famous for having the world's longest beard (it was 4.5 feet or nearly 1.4 m long) and for dying because of it.

One day in 1567, there was a fire in town and in his haste Hans forgot to roll up his beard. He accidentally stepped on his beard, lost balance, stumbled, broke his neck and died!

Death From Holding a Pee In

Danish nobleman and astronomer Tycho Brahe [wiki] was one interesting fellow. He kept a dwarf as a court jester who sat under the table during dinner. He even had a tame pet moose.

Tycho also lost the tip of his nose in a duel with another Danish nobleman and had to wear a "dummy" nose made from silver and gold, but that's another story.

It was said that Tycho had to hold his pee during one particularly long banquet in 1601 (getting up in the middle of a dinner was considered really rude) that his bladder, strained to its limits, developed an infection which later killed him!

Later analyses suggested that Tycho died because of mercury poisoning but that's not nearly as interesting as the original story.

Death by Conductor's Cane

While conducting the hymnal Te Deum for French King Louis XIV in 1687, Jean-Baptiste Lully was so focused in keeping the rhythm by banging a staff against the floor (this was the method before conductor's baton came into use), that he struck his toe hard but refused to stop.

The toe developed an abscess, which later turned gangrenous, but Lully refused to have it amputated. The gangrene spread and killed the stubborn musician.
Ironically, the hymn he was conducting was in celebration of the recovery of Louis XIV from an illness.

Death by Dessert

King Adolf Frederick [wiki] of Sweden loved to eat and died from it too!

The "King Who Ate Himself to Death" died in 1771 at the age of 61 from a digestive problem after eating a giant meal consisting of lobster, caviar, saurkraut, cabbage soup, smoked herring, champagne and 14 servings of his favorite dessert: semla [wiki], a bun filled with marzipan and milk.

Death by Jury Demonstration

After the Civil War, controversial Ohio politician Clement Vallandigham [wiki] became a highly successful lawyer who rarely lost a case.

In 1871, he defended Thomas McGehan who was accused of shooting one Tom Myers during a barroom brawl. Vallandigham's defense was that Myers had accidentally shot himself while drawing his pistol from a kneeling position.

To convince the jury, Vallandigham decided to demonstrate his theory. Unfortunately, he grabbed a loaded gun by mistake and ended up shooting himself!

By dying, Vallandigham succeeded in demonstrating the plausibility of the accidental shooting and got his client acquitted.

Death from Biting One's Tongue

Allan Pinkerton (1819-1884)[wiki], famous for creating the Pinkerton detective agency and developing investigative techniques such as surveilling a suspect and doing undercover work, died of an infection after biting his tongue when he slipped on a sidewalk!

Death from Stubbing One's Toe

Famous Tennessee whiskey distiller Jack Daniel [wiki] decided to come in to work early one morning in 1911. He wanted to open his safe but couldn't remember the combination. In anger, Daniel kicked the safe and injured his toe, which later developed an infection that killed him!

Moral of the story? Don't go to work early.

Death by Orange Peel

Bobby Leach [wiki] wasn't afraid to court death: in 1911, he was the second person in the world to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. The daredevil went on to perform many other death-defying stunts, so his death is especially ironic.

One day while walking down a street in New Zealand, Leach slipped on a piece of orange peel. He broke his leg so badly it had to be amputated. Leach died due to complications that developed afterwards.

Death by Overcoat Parachute Failure

In 1911, French tailor Franz Reichelt decided to test his invention, a combination overcoat and parachute, by jumping off the Eiffel Tower. Actually, he told the authorities that he would use a dummy, but at the last minute decided to test it himself. It was no surprise that he fell to his death.

There's even a YouTube clip of his fatal jump.

Death by 1) Poison, 2) Gunshot Wound (4x), 3) Beating by Clubs, 4) Drowning.

According to legends, Russian mystic Grigori Rasputin (1869-1916) was first poisoned with enough cyanide to kill ten men, but he wasn't affected.

So his killers shot him in the back with a revolver. Rasputin fell but later revived. So, he was shot again three more times, but Rasputin still lived. He was then clubbed, and for good measure thrown into the icy Neva River.

Rasputin was finally dead for good.

Death by Baseball

Cleveland Indians shortstop Ray Chapman [wiki] was killed by a baseball pitch.

At that time, baseball pitchers dirtied up a ball before it was thrown at the batter to make it harder to see. On August 6, 1920 in a game against the New York Yankees, Carl Mays pitched such a ball towards Chapman that fatally hit his skull.

Death by Scarf

"Mother of modern dance" Isadora Duncan [wiki] was killed in 1927 by her trademark scarf she loved to wear:

As the New York Times noted in its obituary of the dancer on 15 September 1927, "The automobile was going at full speed when the scarf of strong silk began winding around the wheel and with terrific force dragged Miss Duncan, around whom it was securely wrapped, bodily over the side of the car, precipitating her with violence against the cobblestone street. She was dragged for several yards before the chauffeur halted, attracted by her cries in the street. Medical aid was summoned, but it was stated that she had been strangled and killed instantly."

Death by Garbage

Homer and Langley Collyer [wiki] were compulsive hoarders. The two brothers had a fear of throwing anything away and obsessively collected newspapers and other junk in their house. They even set up booby-traps in corridors and doorways to protect against intruders.

In 1947, an anonymous tip called that there was a dead body in the Collyer house, and after much initial difficulty getting in, the police found Homer Collyer dead and Langley no where to be found. About two weeks later, after removing nearly 100 tons of garbage from the house, workers found Langley Collyer's partialy decomposed (and rat-chewed) body just 10 feet away from where they had found his brother.

Apparently, Langley had been crawling through tunnels of newspapers to bring food to his paralyzed brother when he set off one of his own booby-traps. Homer died several days later from starvation.

Death at a Talk Show

Jerome Irving Rodale [wiki] was a proponent of healthy eating. He was an early advocate for organic farming and sustainable agriculture, founder of Organic Farming and Gardening magazine and Rodale Press.

After bragging that he would "live to 100, unless I'm run down by a a sugar-crazy taxi driver", Rodale died of a heart attack while being interviewed on the Dick Cavett Show in 1971. Appearing fast asleep, Dick Cavett joked "Are we boring you, Mr. Rodale?" before discovering that his 72-year-old guest had indeed died. The show was never aired.

Death by Suicide During a Live TV News Broadcast

Christine Chubbuck [wiki] was the first and only TV news reporter to commit suicide during a live television broadcast.

On July 15, 1974, eight minutes into the broadcast, the depressed reporter said "In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first: an attempted suicide. " With that, Chubbuck drew up a revolver and shot herself in the head.

Death on the Toilet

There are several examples of death on the toilet, but that of Elvis Presley (1935 - 1977) was the most famous.

The King of Rock 'n Roll was found lying on the floor of his Graceland mansion's bathroom after throwing up while being seated on the toilet, taking care of business.

Doctors attributed his death to a heart attack from weight gain and taking too many prescription drugs.

Death by Robot

Robert Williams [wiki] was the first man ever killed by a robot. On January 25, 1979, Williams climbed into a storage rack at the Ford Motor's Flat Rock casting plant to retrieve a part because the parts-retrieval robot malfunctioned. Suddenly, the robot reactivated and slammed its arm into Williams' head, killing him instantly.

The second death by robot happened just a couple of years afterwards in 1981. Kenji Urada [wiki], a 37-year-old Japanese maintenance engineer was working on a broken robot at a Kawasaki plant when he failed to turn it off. The robot's mechanical arm accidentally pushed him into a grinding machine.

Death by Decapitation by Helicopter Rotor Blades

Actor Vic Morrow [wiki] died on the set of Twilight Zone: The Movie when a helicopter spun out of control due to special effect explosions, crashed, and decapitated him with its rotor blades.

Two other child actors also died at the event, which triggered a massive reform in US child labor laws and safety regulations on movie sets.

Death by Cactus

In 1982, 27-year-old David Grundman and a roommate decided to do a little "cactus plugging," by shooting the desert plant with a shotgun.

The first one, a small cactus, went off without a hitch and Grundman was encouraged to try a larger prey: a 26-foot-tall Saguaro cactus, probably a 100-year-old plant. Unfortunately, Grundman blasted off a large chuck of the cactus that fell on him and crushed him to death!

To date, this was probably the only known instance of revenge killing by a plant.

Death by Bottle Cap

American playwright Tennessee Williams [wiki] died in 1983 after he choked on a bottle cap in his hotel room. Yes, he had been drinking.

Death by Drowning at a Lifeguards' Party.

In 1985, to celebrate their first drowning-free season ever, the lifeguards of the New Orleans recreation department decided to throw themselves a party.

When the party ended, a 31-year-old guest named Jerome Moody was found dead on the bottom of the recreation department's pool.

We suppose when it's your time to go, then it's your time to go: there were four lifeguards on duty and more than half of the 200 party-goers were themselves lifeguards!

Death on Stage, While Telling a Joke

Dick Shawn (1924-1987) was a comedian who had a heart attack and died during a joke that seemed strangely appropriate:

He was making fun of politicians by saying campaign cliches ending with "I will not lay down on the job!" Shawn then laid down on the floor face down. At first, the audience thought that it was all part of the show, until some time later a theater employee checked him for a pulse and began administering CPR.

The paramedics then arrived, and the audience were told to go home - Dick Shawn was dead.

Death by Belly Slam.

British pro wrestler Mal "King Kong" Kirk died underneath the big belly of Shirley "Big Daddy" Crabtree.

In August 1987, during the final moments of the match, Crabtree delivered his signature "Belly-Splash" move (basically jumping up and down, slamming his belly onto a guy) on Kirk, who then had a heart attack and died.

Crabtree was cleared after it was revealed that Kirk had a serious heart condition prior to the match. However, Crabtree blamed himself for Kirk's death and retired from pro wrestling.

Before the match, Kirk had told his friends: "If I have to go, I hope it is in the ring."

Death by Giant Umbrellas

In 1991, artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude put up an environmental installation art of thousands of giant yellow and blue umbrellas in California and Japan.

The giant umbrellas, which measured about 20 foot (6 m) in height, 28 foot (8.7 m) in diameter and weighed about 500 lb, became a huge tourist attraction.

Less than two months after the installation opened, Lori Rae Keevil-Mathews, a 33-year-old woman drove out to see the umbrellas in California. A wind gust uprooted one of the umbrellas and blew it straight at her, crushing her against a boulder and killing her.

Christo immediately ordered all of the umbrellas taken down. The umbrellas, however, took another life - this time in Japan. Crane operator Masaaki Nakamura was electrocuted when the machine's arm touched a 65,000-volt high-tension line when removing the umbrellas.

Death by Re-creation

In 1991, a 57-year-old Thai woman Yooket Paen was walking in her farm when she accidentally slipped on a cow dung, grabbed a naked live wire and got electrocuted to death.

Soon after Paen's funeral, her 52-year-old-sister Yooket Pan was showing her neighbors how the accident happened when she herself slipped, grabbed the same live wire and also got electrocuted to death!

Death by Sheep

In 1999, Betty Stobbs, 67, of Durham, England, took a bale of hay to feed her flock of sheep on the back of her motorcycle.

Apparently, the sheep were very hungry. About forty of them rushed the hay and knocked her off a cliff into a 100-feet deep quarry. Stobbs survived the fall only to be killed when the motorcycle, which was also knocked off the cliff, tumbled down after her.

Death by Necklace Bomb

On the afternoon of August 28, 2003, pizza deliveryman Brian Wells [wiki] tried to rob a bank with a home-made shotgun disguised as a cane.

When he was caught by the police, Wells revealed that he had been forced by some people he delivered pizza to earlier to rob the bank. A necklace with an explosive device was attached to his neck.

The necklace bomb blew up before the bomb squad could deactivate it (indeed, there was controversy whether the police took his story seriously and delayed calling the bomb squad). Until today, it's unclear whether Wells was a victim, a co-conspirator or the lone perpetrator of the robbery and subsequent death.

Update 3/12/07: Case solved, said the authorities, with indictments expected soon: Link

Death by Stingray

In 2006, Australian wildlife expert and TV personality Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin [wiki] died when he was stabbed in the heart by a stingray spine while filming a documentary Ocean's Deadliest.

Death by Bookcase

Mariesa Weber was reported missing by her family for nearly two weeks before they found her in her bedroom, wedged behind a bookcase.
"I'm sleeping in the same house as her for 11 days, looking for her," her mother, Connie Weber, told the St. Petersburg Times. "And she's right in the bedroom."
Both Weber and her sister had previously adjusted the television plug by standing on a bureau next to the shelf and leaning over the top. Her family believes Weber, who was 5-foot-3 and barely 100 pounds, may have fallen headfirst into the space.

Classic Humour

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 15:55:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Friday, May 25, 2007 5:42 PM
Subject: Simple

An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat the bananas. Why?

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Because the bananas are made of plastic.

Next.Q

The 5 bananas are real , but yet the elephant does not eat it. Why?

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Because the elephant is made of plastic.

Hahhaa.never give up.one more..

Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat it.
Why ?

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Because the bananas are in the TV.

Ooops!!! Cool down.

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it

cannot eat it. Why?

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Because they are on different channels.

Hohohohoohohoh..hehehe

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the
same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?
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Cmon think ..
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Because the TV is off.

'Witticisms' Of 9 Condemned Criminals

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 17 May 2007 05:16:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Monday, May 14, 2007 11:48 AM
Subject: FW: 'Witticisms' Of 9 Condemned Criminals

1. GEORGE APPEL (electrocuted in 1928)

As he was being strapped into the electric chair Appel quipped, 'Well, folks, you'll soon see a baked Appel.'

2. JESSE WALTER BISHOP (gassed in 1979)

The last man to die in Nevada's gas chamber, Bishop's final words were, 'I've always wanted to try everything once . . . Let's go!'

3. GUY CLARK (hanged in 1832)

On the way to the gallows the sheriff told Clark to speed up the pace. Clark replied, 'Nothing will happen until I get there.'

4. JAMES DONALD FRENCH (electrocuted in 1966)

Turning to a newsman on his way to the electric chair, French helpfully suggested, 'I have a terrific headline for you in the morning. "French Fries".'

5. ROBERT ALTON HARRIS (gassed in 1992)

The last person to die in the gas chamber at San Quentin, Harris issued a final statement through the prison warden that stated, 'You can be a king or a street-sweeper, but everybody dances with the Grim Reaper.' The quote was inspired by a line from the film Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

6. WILLIAM PALMER (hanged in 1856)

As he stepped onto the gallows Palmer looked at the trapdoor and exclaimed, 'Are you sure it's safe?'

7. SIR WALTER RALEIGH (beheaded in 1618)

Feeling the edge of the axe soon to be used on him, Raleigh said, ''Tis a sharp remedy but a sure one for all ills.'

8. JAMES W. RODGERS (shot in 1960)

Asked if he had a last request, Rodgers stated, 'Why yes - a bulletproof vest.'

9. FREDERICK CHARLES WOOD (electrocuted in 1963)
Sitting down in the electric chair Wood said, 'Gentlemen, you are about to see the effects of electricity upon wood.'

Whatta Reply

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 03 May 2007 08:05:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2007 10:12 AM
Subject: FW: Whatta Reply....

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.

The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.

To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything." Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought "What an Awesome Reply man!"

Doing Business

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 04:40:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Friday, April 27, 2007 9:33 AM
To:
Subject: How is this for a business

Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive

Father "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son "I will choose my own bride!"
Father "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive

BORN BEFORE 1986?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 12:26:00 +0000

From:

Sent:

Subject: Fwd: I liked this...hope u do too!

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured Lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans. When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags and riding in the passenger seat was a treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same.We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually died from this. We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded. We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chatrooms.We had friends - we went outside and found them. We played elastics and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt! We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no law suits. We played knock-the-door-run-away and were actually afraid of the owners catching us. We walked to friends' homes. We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of...they actually sided with the law. This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them.Congratulations!Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for 'our own good'.For those of you who aren't old enough, thought you might like to read about us. This my friends, is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile on your face:The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986....
The Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel.

They have never heard of Fred Astaire, The Osmonds, Bananarama, Nena Cherry or Belinda Carlisle .
For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam .

AIDS has existed since they were born. CD's have existed since they were born.

Michael Jackson has always been white.To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance. They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are films from last year. They can never imagine life before computers. They'll never have pretended to be the A-Team, the Dukes of Hazard or the Famous Five. They can't believe a black and white television ever existed. And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone.Now let's check if we're getting old...

1. You understand what was written above and you smile.

2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out.

3. Your friends are getting married/already married

4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers.

5. When you see children with mobile phones, you shake your head6. Having read this, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other friends because you think they will like it too...Yes, you're Getting old!!

Attitude

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 07:00:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2007 12:28 PM
To:
Subject:
RE: Its all about your attitude....A nice tale with a difference

Failure is not when your Girl Friend leave you, Its only when you don't try for her sister - Swamy Unknownanada

Kids think quick

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 06:54:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Friday, April 13, 2007 9:45 AM
To:
Subject: Kids think quick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
___________________________________________________________

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

Attitude

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 06:46:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2007 12:08 PM
To:
Subject: Its all about your attitude....A nice tale with a difference

Hi
Its all about your attitude....A nice tale with a difference

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and asks him for a Phone Call.
Shop-owner replied Sweety this is no a STD, but you can do one call.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now." replied boy.

The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.

The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North-Palm beach, Florida."

Again the woman answered in the negative.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said," Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"

Your ALTITUDE is decided by your ATTITUDE...

Sewing Machine

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 06:20:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2007 11:48 AM
To:
Subject: chk this out........

These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake...

MONDAY: For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishanth's ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."

WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishanth has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of t he error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.

THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she quit!

Best FWD ever

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 06:58:00 +0000

From: DevS
Sent: Monday, April 16, 2007 4:02 PM
Subject: Best FWD ever...

Hi,

Do you want to 'see' the 'world' after death?

If Yes,

DONATE YOUR ‘EYES’!!

THE MAGICAL TAP

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 06:47:00 +0000

From: Kumsha
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2007 11:49 AM
To:
Subject: THE MAGICAL TAP

The magic tap appears to float in the sky with an endless supply of water. In actuality, there is a pipe hidden in the stream of water. I don't know anything else about the picture, but the construction is fascinating and is easy to make, if the pipe is made of transparent Perspex than you would never see it inside the water stream.

Need to smile

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 06:42:00 +0000

From: Parthibs
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2007 9:42 AM
Subject: *~* Thought of the Day *~*

Beautiful pictures are developed by negatives in a dark room. So if u see darkness in your life assume that God is making a beautiful picture for you. Happiness always looks small when you hold it in your hands. But when you learn to share it. You will realize how big and precious it is…!!

And for that you need to smile

A Dog Story

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 05:43:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Friday, April 13, 2007 11:01 AM
To:
Subject: FW: A Dog Story...

A Dog Story…….Our Story…..A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waitsPatiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. Then the dog shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the Guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."*Moral of the story: You may continue to exceed onlooker's expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations. It's dog's life after all

Gulf .....A short description.....

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 07:10:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2007 8:01 PM
To:
Subject: Gulf .....A short description.....

This is GULF

* Local calls are free
* Petrol is cheaper than water, Payment for drainage too
* Any building construction finishes in 3 months
* Unqualified get more salary than Qualified
* Show-off matters more than real quality & performance
* Labourers are paid less than what they can earn back in their own country
* Companies can kick out their employees without any reason
* Wastas (recommendation) are more powerful than money
* Cleaners have more Wasta than officers
* Watchman has more Rights than the Building Owner
* Office boy & Drivers have more influence on Boss than Manager
* Gulf climate changes so fast, in one hour u can see raining, dust storm, hot / humid / chilling weather
* Gulf is located in desert, still u find greenery everywhere
* If u can't earn money in the Gulf, u can't earn anywhere in the world * In Gulf, time goes very fast, Friday to Friday comes u never know, its sooo fast
* Every bachelor has a dream of getting married and buying a house in India
* U love your parents, friends, relatives 100 times more than when you were together
* Being at home is more painful than being at work
* Indians appear/pretend to be more religious/God fearing than they really are
* Theatres are full of Arab nationals whenever there is a movie of Salman / Sharukh
* Gulf girls sing Hindi songs but don't understand anything
* Prostitutes available, but cheaper than beggars
* Dance Bars and Pubs more than that in B'lore
* A ladies hair saloon every 5 meters
* Food/Grocery delivery to the car
* A Starbucks every 10 meters
* Hard Rock Cafe with no alcohol

* In one single flate sharing with 5 families
* A Shopping Mall located every 2 km
* Highway lanes differentiated for slow & fast drivers
* Getting a license is more difficult than buying a car
* Smashed cars are more than bugs
* Parking charge: 2 Dirham for 1 hour - 5 Dirham for 2 hours & so on
* No Queues for women

TRAFFIC SIGNAL IN GULF:
* GREEN : Signal to go for Indians
* YELLOW : Signal to go for Egyptians and Pakistanis, Americans, Europeans
* RED : Signal to go for Kuwaitis, Saudis , Palestinians & Lebanese

IF YOU'RE SAYING 'NO' THEN YOU ARE HIDING THE TRUTH....... ......... .

Unity in diversity for Indians

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 06:48:00 +0000

From:

Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2007 9:23 AM
To:
Subject: Unity in diversity...Only for Indians

The best Photograph for life time especially for Indians

Girls after an accident..

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 05:27:00 +0000

From:

Sent: Monday, April 09, 2007 2:50 PM

Subject: Girls

What do Girls do after a Bad Car Accident ???????

Turn off the ignition?

Get away from the car in case it explodes?

Call 911 on her cell phone?

Can you imagine her 1st action...... ......... ......... ......... .........

The Manager

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 05:25:00 +0000

From:

Sent: Monday, April 09, 2007 2:51 PM

Subject: engineers

A team of young budding Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So the Managers discussed and put up a project plan with roles and responsibilities. The Manager who was responsible for organizing the resources went out and got a ladder and a tape. The tape measure was just the ordinary tape of 6 feet. The lead manager assigned another manager to go on top of the pole and start the measure. They were falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess. An Engineer came along and saw what they' were trying to do. He walked over pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat, measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and walked away.

After the Engineer went away, one manager turns head to another and laughs.

"Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for height and he gives the length".

Moral: No matter how good engineer you are, Manager always finds fault in you.

Flash News

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 05:06:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Monday, April 09, 2007 3:03 PM
Subject: Flash News - INDIA vs Cherupushpam L.P School - Update

>>>>>FLASH NEWS>>>>>

INDIA vs Cherupushpam L.P School

Cherupushpam LPS won the toss and chose to field.

INDIA - BATTING
Virender Sehwag	c Unnikkutan b Tintumon	0 (1)
Saurav Ganguly	b Unnikkuttan	28 (152)
Robin Uthappa	c Tintumon b Thakkudu	7 (15)
Sachin Tendulkar	Lbw b Tintumon	1 (12)
Rahul Dravid ©	retd hurt	18 (61)
Yuvraj Singh	run out	0 (0)
Mahendra Singh Dhoni	st Kannan b Unnikkuttan	0 (1)
Ajit Agarkar	c Unnittuttan b Lullumon	5 (20)
Harbhajan Singh	b Unnikkuttan	8 (6)
Munaf Patel*	b Tintumon	10 (19)
Zaheer Khan	Not out	9 (16)
Extras	Lb-3	3
	Total all out in 50.0 overs for	82

	O	M	R	W
Unnikkuttan	10	6	10	3
Tintumon*	10	8	3	3
Pintumon	10	3	21	0
Lullumon	10	4	10	1
Thakkudu	4	0	18	1
Boban	6	2	12	0

CHERUPUSHPAM - BATTING
Unnikkuttan*	not out	52 (20)
Kuttan	not out	30 (18)









Extras		6
	Total in 6.2 overs	88/0

	O	M	R	W
Munaf Patel	3	0	41	0
Zaheer Khan	3	0	35	0
Ajit Agarkar*	0.2	0	12	0

MAN OF THE MATCH – UNNIKKUTTAN STD II B

NB : Dravid has got an injury on his forehead for a pace delivery from speedster Unnikkuttan..

Aaahhh...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 04:55:00 +0000

From:

Sent: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 10:05 AM
To:
Subject: FW: Good Morning! :)

Life is not a rehearsal
Each new day is a new show
No repeats, no rewinds
So, give your best shot in all your worthy acts!!!

Ideal 'ORKUT' profile of a SE

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 12:37:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2007 6:02 PM
To:
Subject: FW: This one's really goooood, friends :-)

About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me--> "Just stop laughing!!")

Relationship status : what?

Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.

Age : 10111
1111
111

Here for: web browsing in company hours.

Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)

Ethnicity : Programmer.

Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101

Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.

Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!

Humor : weekly.

Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.

Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.

Drinking : The first is this.

Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog. :-)

Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!

Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)

Webpage: http://naukri.com <http://naukri.com/ > , http://jobsahead.com < http://jobsahead.com/ > - Isn't it Ultimate???

Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.

Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.

Activities: Are you crazy?

Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored.

Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.

Tv shows : can't afford one.

Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of my cubicle....

Beauty of a Woman

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 07:16:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2007 7:43 PM
To:
Subject: FW: Beauty of a Woman

Beauty of a Woman

The beauty of a woman
Is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries,
Or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman
Must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman
Is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman
Is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows,
The beauty of a woman
With passing years-only grows.
Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman,
but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man

Strength of a man

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 07:15:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2007 7:43 PM
To:
Subject: FW: Strength of a Man

Strength of a Man

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
It is seen in the width of his arms that encircle you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.
The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
It is how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
It is in how respected he is at home.
The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.
It is in how tender he touches.
The strength of a man isn't how many women he's Loved by.
It is in can he be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.
It is in the burdens he can understand and overcome.

Which is better ??

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 06:30:00 +0000

From:
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2007 12:00 PM
Subject: which was better,the former or the latter????

WHICH IS BETTER.....FORMER OR LATTER?

Dad used to give us a measly Rs. 20/- per month,

in that we were not only able to eat stomachs fill,

but we were able to save too!!!

Now we earn a sum of 20K, we have no idea

where it goes, let alone saving it!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

6 subjects per year, 6 different teachers!

One project since we joined

and just one manager!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

We used to make notes;

we used to study for ranks!!

Now we scan thru our mails;

we struggle for our ratings!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

We have still not forgotten the people

in the next section!!!

Now we don't even know who sits

in the next cubicle!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

After getting back from a tiring play,

we used to do our home work!!

Now who knows/cares about home;

all we do is just work!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
We knew our history and economics!!

Now let alone reading books,

we don't even catch up with the daily news!!!

Which was better, the former or the latter???

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

We had an aim in life;

behind our backs we had our teachers!!

Now we have no idea about the

future nor do we find any

one who would tell us anything!!!

Now just ask yourself,

Which was better?

the former or the latter????