FMyLife

truth says FML

2012-02-09T20:49:35+00:00

Today, my boss reported to the police that a suspicious car has been parked outside the store late at night. I walked outside and my car was gone. He had my car towed. FML

nosymptoms says FML

2012-02-09T19:09:19+00:00

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML

Bonapp says FML

2012-02-09T17:11:05+00:00

Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML

Anonymous says FML

2012-02-09T16:42:57+00:00

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

justfriends says FML

2012-02-09T14:02:58+00:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It's okay, though; she says we can still go on the vacation I planned next month for our 3 year anniversary, just "as friends." The tickets are non-refundable. FML

Ouchies says FML

2012-02-09T12:28:51+00:00

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

SocialAnxietyNightmare says FML

2012-02-09T11:42:59+00:00

Today, my social anxiety got so bad, I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

Zoey says FML

2012-02-09T10:17:11+00:00

Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

thatgirl34 says FML

2012-02-09T06:29:32+00:00

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

thairsha says FML

2012-02-09T06:05:57+00:00

Today, I was at a Buddhist shrine and wanted to light a candle for my friend who's having a rough time, when I got stung by a bee. I spent the next hour with a swollen shoulder. How does karma work again? FML

Falcon says FML

2012-02-09T01:42:57+00:00

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

A says FML

2012-02-09T01:37:46+00:00

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

Ihaveaheadache says FML

2012-02-09T00:37:06+00:00

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

Silver_Samurai says FML

2012-02-08T22:24:34+00:00

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

pauper says FML

2012-02-08T20:20:26+00:00

Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML

c says FML

2012-02-08T19:07:42+00:00

Today, I finally got up the courage to tell my boyfriend of a year and a half that I love him. His response was to start to snore, pretending to be asleep. FML

Girl With a Cold says FML

2012-02-08T13:46:16+00:00

Today, I was sick, so I emailed my co-workers with a list of my hours, asking if anyone would be willing to cover them for me. I only got one hour covered, and that was during a day I don't even work. FML

Anonymous says FML

2012-02-08T13:15:17+00:00

Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

Anonymous says FML

2012-02-08T12:55:50+00:00

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

Anonymous says FML

2012-02-08T12:45:47+00:00

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

abrooks88 says FML

2012-02-08T11:53:21+00:00

Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML

Anonymous says FML

2012-02-08T10:38:57+00:00

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my "hysterical" badge picture to cheer her up. FML

ronz says FML

2012-02-08T08:26:21+00:00

Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML

D-Man says FML

2012-02-08T08:08:58+00:00

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker. I got her the job. FML

3.14 says FML

2012-02-08T06:27:21+00:00

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

daughterofanazi says FML

2012-02-08T00:17:25+00:00

Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML

Anonymous says FML

2012-02-08T00:04:05+00:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

screwed says FML

2012-02-07T20:40:48+00:00

Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

oceangirl says FML

2012-02-07T19:14:53+00:00

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

nickern says FML

2012-02-07T19:13:29+00:00

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

Emily says FML

2012-02-07T15:39:25+00:00

Today, I had to explain to this really intimidating girl that I wasn't giving her a dirty look, and that it was just my face at rest. FML

Anonymous says FML

2012-02-07T13:15:39+00:00

Today, I saw my girlfriend at the store and joyfully greeted her. She got really mad at me - it was her identical twin sister, who I still cannot tell apart from my girlfriend. We've been dating for three years. FML

MillyMan says FML

2012-02-07T12:58:59+00:00

Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML

joy says FML

2012-02-07T12:49:56+00:00

Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML

strongjon60 says FML

2012-02-07T10:07:26+00:00

Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML