Friday

• The penultimate Jazz in the Garden performance of the year is today. Josh Bayer, jazz guitarist, will be performing starting at 5 pm.
• Garrett’s in Georgetown is throwing a weekend-long “Celebrate Your Labor” happy hour special, where they keep you up late for cheap. $3 for rail drinks and domestic taps from midnight to close thru Sunday.

Saturday

• This week’s free summer Saturday at the Corcoran comes with musical performances by the Washington Revels! They will be performing spirituals and more as a celebration of Musical Americana at 11 am and 12:30 pm. [Website]
• The National Gallery of Art (4th and Constitution Avenue NW) kicks off the first installment of GenMex: A New Generation of Cine Mexicano. Head over at 4 pm for a free showing of Perpetuum Mobile from director Nicolas Pereda.
• GWU: It’s that time again…time for it to rain out another Fall Fest! Ostensibly, this event starts at 4 pm on University Yard. Wale returns to GWU with a killer first album, and Travis McCoy also is scheduled to perform. [Website]

Sunday

• Lululemon in Georgetown (3265 M St. NW) is offering free yoga classes every Sunday in September. 12 pm.

With this in mind, let’s examine sophomore Hatchet columnist Kelsey Rohwer’s column on the importance of hearing the word “no” while still in college.

Granted, not all my choices were the right ones. For example, not having dinner and then going to Thirds didn’t really pan out so well, but the decisions were still mine, and my answer was always yes.”

Is she referring to Third Edition here? As an Old who has no love for a man in a striped button-up, I’m not sure, but I think probably yes. So, here’s a pro-tip, y’all: Keep your sources of illegal under-aged drinking out of publications, because they probably have enough trouble as it is.

Pickles is sized up & accepted into the flock.

And so, the first chapter of young Pickles’ new life in DC comes to a close with the realization that I’ve become what I hate most. This summer I’ve gone out practically every weekend, participating in gay funtivities that range from the innocuous house party to the pants-off dance-off intern slutfest that passes for nightlife in this city. I thought I had left all of my crazy days back in Korea and Poland, but alas, I’m now a card-carrying DC gay. I’ve come to this conclusion based on the following:

1. I have an inexplicable urge to go to bars and clubs I hate, just because they’re there and they’re gay.

2. I look at every social gathering, regardless of the formality of the event or sexuality of those in attendance, as an opportunity to get laid.

3. I find myself actually interested in and intellectually stimulated by conversations about inane topics, primarily Bravo programming.

4. I’ve started becoming more insecure about my appearance, clothing, and the size of my checking account.

5. Straight people bore me more than they used to.

6. I’ve become more afraid of lesbians.

7. I involuntarily cross my eyes and make the gay face a lot more than I used to.

Over the past few weeks, some of my more honest friends have been kind enough to point out that I am quickly transforming into the type of self-parody that I mock in this column. The hunter has indeed become the hunted; the predator, the prey. While I might be adjusting my attitude and behavioral patterns this fall, I think it’s going to be difficult to be as harsh on the scene queens as I once was. You see, just like Stan Marsh, I’ve learned something today. I now understand how addicting this lifestyle is, how it completely takes over your life and allows you to hide the real you behind a veneer of vanity and fear. DC gays are poster children for the unexamined life, a life spent in a cage. I now know why the caged bird sucks so much– a lack of courage. I’m no Superman, but my mama didn’t raise no pansy. I’m blowing this popsicle stand for some big-boy pants, and I genuinely hope the caged shadows do the same.

Stuff

Solid Wood Desk: Must Go Tonight – $5 – I am unsure what makes the removal of this desk so urgent. Maybe it’s haunted?

Retro Sleeper Sofa – $100 – Of course, “retro” means “rather old” and “hideous” in this ad.

WANTED: ikea crib and high chair – $1 – This seems like the kind of item you should just go ahead and go to Ikea for. Suck it up.

__ USB Turntable and Microwave Oven – Alas, this is a posting for two separate items.

NEW Pfizer Sildenafil Citrate VIAGRA Promotional Necktie – $20 – Uhhh…what it says on the tin.

Foosball Table, like new, excellent quality – $295 – “Must haul away, but will fit perfectly in a blue GW moving cart.” This is all the information y’all should need.

Missed Connections

Metro Center to Foggy Bottom – w4m (The Elise maybe?) – Lady, did you just write an ad for a dude wearing a thumbring? Maybe?

Monday| Tall Guy| You got off at Foggy Bottom – m4m – Sending a pic gets you a coffee date!

J.E.D. – w4m – Most of the time, when people get crushes on their classmates, they just doodle their first name + his/her last name on their notebooks and ogle. Some get the nerve to ask him/her out. You made a missed connections post with his initials. But thanks for clarifying that he’s not the “teacher.”

Monday

• These United States come to the Millennium Stage at 6:00 pm to play material from their last recording What Lasts.

Tuesday

• I don’t know, the GWU Career Center is having a few Federal Work Study orientation. [Website]

Wednesday

• Make sure to mark this down in your boycott calendars: GWU’s RHA is having a Target Takeover! where they bus students to Target. [Facebook]

Thursday

• What’s the Deal Free Happy Hour is in Georgetown at Paolo’s Ristorante (1303 Wisconsin Avenue NW). You get two free drinks (beer or cocktail) if you RSVP: http://sowhatsthedeal.com/events/33
• It’s the first Thursday of the month, so if August hasn’t fatigued you from Phillips After Five, check out Phillips. The Bob Tublin Trio will be playing jazz. [Website]
• OR if you want to go to where your FoBoBlo editors are at, come to the Art Museum of the Americas (201 18th Street NW) for Art After Dark, 8pm – midnight. $15 [Tickets]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1kjkUAA9VM

Via GWHatchet.com

This week in FoBo: GW students return, Hatchet tries to scare parents; UPD chief reaches out to community; students living in condos? madness!; TBD.com jumps on the “FoBo Metro Stinks!” bandwagon; Rhee rocks.

• It’s welcome week at GW, so the GW Hatchet’s first front page of the season is “Sex Offenders Live, Work in Foggy Bottom.” Way to be guys, way to be.  You know there’s an iPhone app for that.

• Hey, Hay!  New UPD chief says he’ll reach out to the FoBo community for input. We guess his number one complaint will be “FoBoGro’s sandwiches are causing utter mayhem!”  Just kidding! (Not really.)

• Is it better to buy a condo than to pay for a dorm? It’s no secret that GW charges 2x-3x the going rental rates to students.  What the Post doesn’t mention is that freshmen and sophomores are required to live in dorms.  Gee, I wonder if that rule has anything to do with the inflated dorm pricing?

• TBD.com wants you to report metro problems to their crowdsourced map.  They even call out Foggy Bottom for being so notorious.  We know TBD, we know.

• GW Hatchet’s suggestion for incoming students to have a good time in DC?  Get the hell out of FoBo. WTF HATCHET!?  Grass is always greener I suppose…

• For you law students out there: remember that villain that attacked and brutally beat and robbed an 83 year-old woman by the FoBo metro in 2005?  He’s been trying to get out of his conviction on a technicality.  From what I can tell, this brief shows that he won’t.

• The Smith Center renovations should be done soon!

• A long, but good story about Michelle Rhee’s (successful in our opinion) efforts to improve schooling in DC, including right here in Foggy Bottom at the Francis-Stevens school.  Rhee probably has the toughest job in this city.

• Even though Gray is a GW alum, I’m with the majority of Foggy Bottom rooting for Fenty. (See above.)

M. E. Swing, located at G and 17th,  is primarily a coffee roaster. And I can’t recommend their whole beans enough. Roasted in Alexandria Swing’s Coffee House merely serves as the retail outlet. But they have great prices, and some really fantastic varieties of beans.

But what about the cappuccino? It’s actually quite good as well! The foam is thick, and the coffee is strong without being too bitter. Just what I was looking for. I’ve had other stuff from here too, and it’s all been good. So look, you finally have an excuse to keep walking up G St. (and that’s before you find out about G Street Foods next door!)

Location: 17th and G (across from OEOB)

Price: $2.75

Foam: Thick and frothy. Good flavor.

Coffee: Very strong, but not bitter.

Atmosphere: Feels like a really old-time place (though it isn’t). But not somewhere I’d love to sit and have a drink.

Overall: 4 coffee beans. But make sure to go there for your actual whole beans!

Stuff

Nationals Strasburg T-Shirt – $60 – What the whaaaa? Also, he’s on the DL.

DISNEY MOVIES VHS SALE – Dude, donate these to a library.

RETRO GAMEBOY FOR SALE – THIS however is an amazing retro throwback.

SEGA GENESIS AND GAMES FOR SALE – Also this.

Rockacliner – $10 – I don’t think a “Rockacliner” is a word.

Great paperclip desk – $150 – I also don’t think “paperclip desk” is a thing.

Missed Connections

Dressed like a Neopolitan Bar – m4w – This is a good description, but this. ” Can I eat you like the ice cream you resemble?” is creepy as hell, dude. Also I never know if it’s Red Lion or Lindy’s.

Blonde, purple dress, ear phones – m4w – iPods are such cockblockers.

Red Line Sundress – Thank you for not making moves in front of that lady’s mom.

Joanna — Met at Corner on K St – m4w – 53 – These seems innocuous, but then you see the again again.