Food in Mouth

Checkers french fries and speaking freely

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 23:38:24 -0400

If you like fresh hamburgers grilled/griddled to order, then please turn away. If you like hand cut fries that come from real potatoes, I got nothing for you. But if you want 1700 calories of greasy goodness that's sure to kill you in fifty years? Well I got just the thing. Ever since they added calorie counts to the fast food menus, it's been a lot of fun to see how much you're getting when you think about getting two filet o fish or something. I went to the newly opened Checker's on Court street, and combo number one ranged from 1400 to 1700 calories. Since I requested my Fanta without ice, and since the cup was way too big to be just a 'medium', I probably got 1700 or more calories from lunch on Sunday. Of course three hours later I also went and ate an arepa slathered with some tasty mayo. Sometimes you just really have to fill up, you know? Anyway, so let's talk about Checker's, or Rally's, depending on what part of the country you're from.

In the Mid-West, this chain is known as Rally's. I started eating this as a kid, but the only thing that I got from Rally's was french fries. Their burgers just didn't impress me that much. Down south, this chain is called Checker's, but it's all the same stuff. When I lived in the South, I didn't know Checkers = Rally's and just never went to Checkers. And I call myself educated. So this past weekend I decided to try their hamburger again, and also eat some of those delicious fries. They weren't going to scare me with the 1700 calorie thing.

There's something to be said about consuming something you know is going to be 1700 calories. It just... makes you feel like a man. Of course eight hours prior to consuming such a great meal, I was at the edge of my seat watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. That also makes me feel like a man. A sissy man. I think combo number one was in some way used to redeem myself. Too bad it didn't work...

The quarter pound cheese burger was actually pretty decent. It came with lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, ketchup, pickles, and onions. This with fries and an oversized 'medium' drink came out to a little less than $7. Pretty good deal. If you're keeping track at home, that's about 242 calories per dollar. It's not as good as a bag of cheetos which will fetch you 300+ calories per $1, but that's ok. Compared to eating cheetos for lunch (which I've done in this calendar year before), Checkers is practically haute cuisine. The burger is what a fast food burger normally taste like, so I wouldn't say rush out there to try it. If you know and like fast food burgers, this one is ok. I didn't really go to Checkers for the burger though, it was all about the fries.

In retrospect, I should have just saved my calories for just the fries and not order the combo. But it just seemed weird to not know what their burger taste like. I knew their fries would kick ass even before I took a bite. The great thing about Checkers and Rally's is that they batter the potato with some sort of seasoned crack. If you eat like, five large servings of their fries, it would make you country strong, just like Kwame Brown. I highly recommend it. The fries are nice and crisp, and they're never under seasoned. I know. I've been eating this since I was like 9-years-old. You might not have heard of Checkers before, but as a 18 year veteran of their fries, I can say it's just about always spot on. Now, you might not like frozen seasoned fries with batter. And that's ok. We ain't gotta get along, that's just more fries for me to love.

So actually what made me so hungry this weekend was that I was riding in the back of a uhaul van. Just kidding. I helped some of my friends move their stuff to their new places. So around 11am on Saturday, Pat and I were by the uhaul van loading some stuff up. Pat was in the van rearranging his stuff and I was taking a break on the sidewalk. To me left, about 15 feet away were these two white dudes walking by. They looked kinda weird because it was 11am, and one of them had a DSLR around his neck. Just so you know, there's absolutely nothing of photographic value by 4th avenue. It's tire-iron alley. So besides the fact that they looked like out of place tourists in a place that doesn't attract tourists, they looked fine. I didn't pay any attention to these cats, and then as they walked by, one dude goes, Dude: "Hi. Are you interested in a free CD?" Me: [i look down] [reads: blah blah, Jesus, blah] *my head: oh hell no motherfucker. get away from me.* *real life*: [shakes head]. "Uh.. no. I don't want it." Dude: "Are you sure? It's free. Do you speak English?" Me: [gets angry] *my head: WHAT?!?!* [gathers self.] Me (with attitude): "Yes. I speak English. I probably speak better English than you do. And no, I'm not interested in your CD." We conversed for about another fifteen seconds and then Bible thumper left with his Jesus CD. Really. How unbelievable is that? How does douchebag motherfucker going to get all up in my mug and ask me a question in English, listen to my response in English, and then ask me if I speak English? Son, we're talking! In English! Get a fucking clue! Puh-lease son. You better back the fuck off before I slap you silly with Pat's pilates mat. Shit. To recap. Eat some french fries. And if that doesn't make sense, I can repeat it in English for ya. (And yes, I realize how weird it is to tell someone I speak English well, even when you can spot about fifty million mistakes in this blog post alone. That's ok.)

The ice cream maker

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:57:24 -0400

Let there be ice cream. I think that's what Steph was saying to me when she got me an ice cream maker. It's actually kind of a dangerous gift for me because I have no self control when it comes to ice cream. The only way that I've been able to curtail my ice cream consumption has been to buy it in pints instead of quarts. Otherwise there's just no stopping me. If it's me vs a pint of Ben and Jerry's... I always win. The excess amount of "fuel" that I store around my belly region wins as well. Those fat cells get more friends and I'm all ready in case there's an ice age. So in the spirit of storing energy for the long summer, I put the machine into good use. The first two ice creams I tackled were pretty simple. Vanilla ice cream and plain frozen yogurt.

The first two recipes came straight out of the ice cream maker's recipe book. Neither of the recipes are that mind blowing, so I'll skip on putting them on here. The main problem with the first two attempts has been a freezing problem. When the ice cream maker is done with its thing you're supposed to put the ice cream in the freezer to firm up. And plus it's kind of hard to eat two quarts of ice cream in one sitting...

After a night in the freezer, the frozen yogurt turned solid. If you want to eat it, you have to take it out of the freezer and let it thaw for a little bit. I wonder if that's why frozen yogurt places serve frozen yogurt out of a soft serve machine.

Most people suggest The Perfect Scoop by David Lebovitz. I wonder if the ice cream from his recipes will freeze better. Has anyone tried it before? Does a better recipe mean that the ice cream will freeze better?

Regardless of whether I can find an ice cream recipe that freezes well... I still plan on eating lots of ice cream this summer. All kinds of ice cream... ones with chocolate or with fruit... frozen yogurt or gelato... man, I think it'll be a delicious summer.

Lan zhou hand pulled noodles and banh mi

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:45:04 -0400

After years of playing pick-up basketball, you kind of settle into your role. Of course all of this is dependent upon the competition. If the competition is weak, you have to be aggressive and take charge. If the competition is strong, and you know you can only play a limited role, well then you accept your role and try to do it as best you can. For example, if you're not the best guy on your team, you should just strive to do a few things well. Maybe it's rebound the basketball or maybe it's to hit an open 3 pointer to stretch the defense. Whatever you do, you shouldn't try to do too much. Much of the same rules apply on the food scene. Here in New York City, the food scene is the big leagues. This ain't no NBDL. This is the NBA, son. And only the best should apply. What's strange is that even here you see restaurants that try to do too much. They try to do things that's not in their repertoire. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's that Middle Eastern place around the block that all of a sudden started doing sushi. Or that Hawaiian place on the corner that wants to do Thai food as well. And all those Chinese take-out places that serve french fries that need a little Cialis (seriously, have you ordered fries from a Chinese joint? goodness gracious, don't eat that shit. Go to McDonald's). This past weekend I saw one of my favorite hand-pulled noodle places at their (newish) second location. But here's the problem, they added banh mi's to their menu. I knew something was wrong when they put tomatoes in my sandwich...

One of the partners at Lan zhou hand pulled noodles is from Super Taste, so they definitely know how to do a good bowl of noodles. But they really don't know what's up with banh mi's. They actually put tomatoes in the one that I got... Yea, you're thinking who the hell puts tomatoes in a banh mi? I don't know. It don't belong, that's for sure. It's a shame because Super Taste does some things so well. They got some of the tastiest dumplings in Chinatown, and some of the best hand-pulled noodles with beef in spicy broth in all of the city. And then they try to do this? It's like turning on the tv and watching four white guys in a dunk contest or something. WHY?!?! Just.. shoot threes! In other words, stick with what you're good at. This is the big leagues, don't waste your time fucking around with that stuff you're not good at.

Just do your thing and do it right. I mean, I ordered the pork chop banh mi just to check it out but it was... sad. Who puts tomatoes in there?! The bread was just this soft roll that you get from a grocery store... no crunch on the crust at all. You figured also that if they were going to do a pork chop banh mi, they might try to do Vietnamese style pork chops. Nope. Or maybe get pork chops that were easy to chew. Nope. The sandwich was a fail.

I knew they were better than this. There's no way that a place that's called Lan Zhou Hand Pulled Noodles would screw up the noodles. I went back the next day to see what was up. Turns out it was a good move. Since this restaurant shares an owner with Super Taste, it's no surprise that their noodles taste almost exactly like Super Taste. There's even the plastic bowls, just like at Super Taste. The dumplings that came were super delicious as well. See, when you ask a three point shooter to do a 360 dunk, you get... crap. But ask the same shooter to drain open threes? Well then it's a thing of beauty.

Double Crispy Bakery and average NBA shooting guards

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 14:03:46 -0400

Sometimes when you have a blog that mostly attracts people with pictures, you run into a problem when the pictures are kinda dull. Today for instance, the pictures have this weird blue hue that I didn't have the energy to correct in photoshop. They also need more saturation, but whatever. What do you do when this happens? Um... I can not talk about the food and just blabber on about random things instead. Sounds good?! OK! Hi there! Ah.. dogs. Oh but before I get into randomness, let's talk about Double Crispy Bakery. Specifically let's talk about their Macau style egg tarts. I've only had that and their pork buns, so don't take this as a recommendation for all the baked goods here. We're only talking about egg tarts, and the Macau style ones.

Wikipedia can share some info on a Macau style egg tart. Sometimes it's refered to as Portuguese style because there's a Portuguese custard pastry called 'pastel de nata' that's kind of like the Chinese egg tarts. Portuguese style often have burn marks scattered on the surface of the custard. You might be wondering how Portugal and Macau are related... well it's because the Portuguese used to have a presence in Macau. Gotta love how the western man holds down the eastern man. Booo... I mean uh, thank goodness for delicious egg tarts.

Most places in Chinatown in Manhattan don't offer Macau/Portuguese style egg tarts. I've seen it at Egg Custard King but that's about it. So what's the reason for getting these instead of regular egg tarts? The Macau style egg tart at Double Crispy Bakery seems creamier than most egg tarts. Maybe they under cook it, or use some different recipe, who knows? But if you eat lots of egg tarts from different bakeries, you start to notice a lot of them either suck or taste the same. As for the crust, some places prefer the shortbread like crust, and others prefer a greasier flaky crust. Double Crispy goes for the flaky crust and it pairs well with the creamy filling. At $0.90 a pop, they're a good deal. Remember though, prices in Chinatown often changes without notice so when you go it might be like a $1. No biggie though. Hopefully it won't be like Hon Cafe, who had cakes for $8 that went up to $10 and $12 after it appeared on Serious Eats. So yea, make sure you don't tell big bloggers to go here. I like my egg tarts in the sub-$1 range, thank you very much.

The NBA playoffs finally ended, and I was thinking about restaurants and NBA players. Here in New York, restaurants get all bent up about the NYTimes four star rating system. People complain that you can't compare all the three star places or all the two star places because some of them are just different. I think chefs get worked up over nothing. For the fans of the NBA, it's pretty easy to kind of understand who ends up on the NBA All First Team, and NBA All Second Team. For non-NBA fans, at the end of the season, there are five players who get elected to the 1st team, which is basically like the five best players at their positions during the season. The 2nd team are the next group of five great players. People know who LeBron and Kobe are. Fans though, know that LeBron and Kobe are the best, and then you have some almost there players like Brandon Roy and right after that you have above-average players like Jason Richardson, and then you have the averge NBA shooting guard like Courtney Lee. Now, no matter how good you are, and how good people think you are... you can always have moments of occassional briliance. I would say Double Crispy Bakery is like the Courtney Lee of bakeries. It's solid, not flashy, and it does a few things right. Of course not everyone can agree that Courtney Lee is the average NBA shooting guard, or that Double Crispy Bakery has a good Macau style egg tart, but that's ok. You can go find another shooting guard somewhere else.

Big Apple BBQ and Martins BBQ

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 15:05:49 -0400

There's already been a million recaps of the 2009 Big Apple BBQ Block Party, so I'm not going to focus on a recap. Instead I just want to show you this decapitated piggy and how he went from headless to delicious. Mmmm... just the way I like it. Martin's BBQ Joint was a new addition to the event and it's a welcomed addition on a personal level. It was cool to see someone from Tennessee come and represent here at the BBQ festival. If you didn't know, I spent about six years in Tennessee before moving to New York. If anyone's curious why I hate social conservatives and think they're idiots... you can thank Tennesseans. Yea! (Of course it's not that simple, but hey, let's not completely go there).

If you went to the Block Party on Saturday, you would have had the chance to see some of the places prep more food for Sunday. Martin's BBQ Joint served whole hog sandwiches at the Block Party, and they prepped some piggies for Sunday. I don't know where they get these things at but there were a couple of them, all headless. They then put some sort of rub on the inside of the pig, but not on the outside. Then that baby goes into the smoker. When I took these pictures, there were a ton of other people with huge cameras that had better positions. So you get a picture of two legs and the piggie with an obstructed view. Oops.

After they smoke it and it's finished, they rip the skin off of the piggie and there's a huge pile of skin left. I tried some of the skin but it was uh.. not edible. I tried really hard but it was just really tough. I think perhaps the smoking temperature was enough to get a crispy looking skin... when in reality it's actually just kinda dry. Maybe you have it hit it up with high temperatures before the skin will get to that crackling quality that everyone loves so much.

Just putting it out there.. this is not BBQ... but if they have a stand next year where it's like, for $2 dollars, someone just sells you a huge bag of crackings... I bet you that'll be the longest line ever. The real long lines this year went to Big Bob Gibson's, The Salt Lick, and 17th Street. Those were also the places that ran out of food the fastest. If you go next year, go with two other friends, and go early. Those three should be the first lines that you get into, period. After you try the noteables, you can then compare it with the other guys.

Over at Martin's BBQ, the whole hog sandwich naturally draws comparison to the whole hog sandwich that Ed Mitchell does. There are bigger chunks in Martin's BBQ sandwich and the sauce is a tomato based sauce that most people are familiar with. Both of them are delicious, although a little small. It's not difficult to imagine one person spending $100 over a two day period to try all the BBQ that is offered.

And lastly I have to tell you guys that you should always watch out for ripoffs. The biggest ripoff this year was at the Blue Smoke dessert tent. I guess $4 dollars is an OK price for dessert in the city, but it was just a brownie. And if you want it with ice cream, it's $4 dollars more. And it's not some special ice cream... it's Edy's ice cream. SRSLY?!?!?! Steph and I were like, "WTF?!" Here's where they get you... you see the sign that says $4 dollar brownie, you get in line and mentally tell yourself it's OK because plenty of ppl get their ice cream with the brownie. But you finally get up to the line and you discover a brownie with ice cream is TWICE as expensive as you expected... but you already lost all this time waiting in line... so you're like, "FINE! Steal my money. I'll pay for the brownie. Goddamn it."

It's probably a bad idea to talk shit about Blue Smoke because they're a huge player in the Block Party. But man, I was disappointed at the dessert. Lame-o.

To finish up this conversation about BBQ, I have to admit that while I was living in Tennessee, I never ate much BBQ. And since Nashville wasn't the big BBQ city that Memphis was, I just never got into it. One of these days I'll make it back to that state though, and eat some Tennessee style BBQ and see how it stacks up.