Reflections on Becoming

I Stand for LIFE!

2012-05-18T09:51:00.001-04:00

This post is important and I pray you will share it with your loved ones and friends. Pin it, Facebook it, tweet it, and help spread the word that I stand for LIFE!

I remember the first time I made that choice. I was maybe fifteen years old and just finished listening to a woman tell me a story about how I could protect myself from getting pregnant. Mind you I wasn’t doing anything that would cause me to have to concern myself with this worry or joy. But she was telling me that I could change that fact by merely coming back to her and this place if that did happen. I remember walking out the doors of this place and feeling sick to my stomach.

That feeling didn’t last long but the words she spoke have stayed with me forever.

“If that did happen, you can come back to me and this place and we will help you take care of it.”

I knew what she meant without her saying another word.

As I got older I was saddened to learn how often people took her up on those words. Now the statistics are staggering.

How many abortions are performed in the United States each year?

According to the Guttmacher Institute, there were 1.21 million abortions performed in the United States in 2008, the most recent year for which data is available. This amounts to 3,322 abortions per day.

Source: Jones, Rachel K. and Kathryn Kooistra. "Abortion Incidence and Access to Services in the United States, 2008." Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health 43, no. 1 (2011, March): 41-50 [PDF]

How many abortions are performed at each stage of pregnancy?

The following table lists both the percentage of abortions performed during various stages of pregnancy, along with the total yearly abortions at each stage, based on a total of 1.2 million abortions per year.

Gestational Age Percentage Yearly Total

Less than 9 weeks 61.8% 749,232

9-10 weeks 17.1% 207,312

11-12 weeks 9.1% 110,324

13-15 weeks 6.6% 80,015

16-20 weeks 3.8% 46,069

21+ weeks 1.5% 18,185

Source: Guttmacher Institute, 2011, August. Facts on Induced Abortion in the United States.

Photo credit

You can read all the statistics and facts here.

The other day all those memories came flooding back to me when I saw the following photo posted on a friends fb wall.

As a child I didn’t believe in taking a life was right or even my choice. I didn’t know God as a child, teen, young adult or even in my mid 20’s and early 30’s. I just didn’t believe it was right.

I am very thankful my parents didn’t follow through with their words and beliefs, “You were a mistake. We didn’t plan on having you.” I could have easily been another statistic. My life even though it were not planned or expected or for years treated with value or worth – has extreme value and worth to God. Now it has immeasurable value to those who call me mom and to my husband (family and friends).

You see, I look into the eyes of our seven adopted children and I thank God, that their birth mothers chose to do the hard thing and carry them even without the desire to keep them. Because their lives have worth too. Great value and a purpose and a plan far greater than I will know in my lifetime.

So does every single unborn baby being carried in the womb of a woman right now, this very second. Every life has extreme value and worth. It takes courage to resist what the world says is OK, and do what is right. What is right? Protecting the lives of those who can’t defend themselves. There is always someone willing and waiting and praying to have a child of their own. We just need to help them find each other and stop the pain of a child being born and having no one to care for them. We need to stop being OK with humans killing their own and making excuses for why it is not murder. When you take a life that has been purposely given to you and you take into your hands to stop it from living that is murder.

The most amazing thing and fact is this, if you have already made that choice forgiveness is waiting for you. God, is bigger than your previous choices and His love covers a multitude of sins. There is no sin that He can’t forgive, if you are truly sorry for the choices you have made. I pray that you will go to Him today and seek the forgiveness He desires to give to you. Allow Him to soothe the places deep inside that carry the pain of your choice to take the life of a child you will never get to kiss, hug, love, and watch become who God created them to be from the very first beat of their heart.

Risen Truths!

2012-05-16T09:17:00.001-04:00

Something I love to think about is the power of His resurrection. Not just on Easter, but all throughout the year. It is our hope and power to live through this life with joy, laughter, and love.

Enjoy this beautiful video performed by friends of ours back home in PA.

Praising God for the gift of your passion to share the truth and worship Him!

Have a beautiful and blessed day friends! God, is right here to care for you and love you!

Make a Difference

2012-05-15T06:00:00.000-04:00

My sweet friend shared another wonderful devotional with me – too good not to share, enjoy and be blessed!

God gives everyone something special, so that they can make a difference.

“What’s this, Mom?” asked my six-year-old daughter.

It was late afternoon, and I was returning emails on my home computer.

I turned to see what my curious daughter had found. In the palm of her hand, she had discovered a little blue pin that I had strategically placed on my office desk. I looked at the pin, and my memory beckoned me back nearly 18 years.

I smiled in fond remembrance. “I kept this little pin all these years, honey,” I replied. And it brought to mind the day that it was given to me by Dr. Bernie Siegel.

I’d made an appointment to interview Dr. Siegel for a column; and after we spoke for quite a while, I recalled how Dr. Siegel disappeared into an adjoining room.

After a few minutes, he returned, gave me the blue pin and said, “This is for you.”

“So what does the pin say on it?” I asked my daughter. Quickly, she uttered, “It reads, ‘You make a difference.’”

“Yes, honey,” I said to her, “God has given each one of us special gifts with which to make a difference in the lives of others, and He is watching to see what we will do with those talents and abilities.”

“Can I be a veterinarian, take care of animals, and make a difference, Mom?” my daughter questioned, with wonder apparent in her voice. I nodded, yes.

She paused, and with a glowing smile, asked simply, “How else can I make a difference?”

“You make a difference by just smiling,” I answered, gently holding her hand and continuing, “What about all the notes you write and the beautiful cards you make for me?

How about when you hug me and say you love me. Those actions make a huge difference in my life.”

Her blue eyes watched me intently, as I explained, “Every time you do a kind deed for someone else, you are making a difference in their life, too.”

Likewise, your influence on other people’s lives is immeasurable. God has hand-selected you, for you’re a gift to others from God.

You are someone extraordinary, unique and valuable. So accept, love, and embrace yourself as the exquisite person that God created you to be, and go out each day and perform good and kind deeds.

Share and care generously. Mentor a young person or volunteer at your church or in your community. Pray for someone. Speak kindly. Give sincere compliments. Tell your friend and family you appreciate them. Send encouraging notes. Be there for people, listen to them talk, and offer an inspiring word to start them moving on a new path.

A friend of mine is always helping others. When I asked her why she’s always willing to make someone’s life a bit easier, she replied, “My reward is when the recipient passes along the kindness.” And by helping one another, we create a benevolent cycle and discover another truth: Our Father in heaven pours out more blessings on us, because as we cast our bread upon the water, it returns.

Have you aided in meeting someone else’s needs? Then, God will always meet your needs. “Give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38.

Did you help to cause a special dream to come to pass for another? God will make your dreams transpire, too. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4.

Have you encouraged the discouraged? Well, if you fall down, God will send someone to lift you back up. “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” 2 Chronicles 15:7.

Remember the story about the boy who was walking along the side of the beach picking up starfish and throwing them back into the ocean. Then, a man came by and asked, “What are you doing?” and said, “There are thousands of star fish here, you can’t make a difference.”

The boy continued on, he picked up another starfish, gently tossed it into the water and replied, “I made a difference for that one.” By positively influencing even one other person, and setting a good example, you can make this a better world and benefit generations to come.

Some time ago, I heard about a gentleman named Josh Ferrin of Utah, who had just purchased his first home. After the closing, Josh walked through the front door and began looking around. Then, he went into the garage and noticed a small door in the ceiling. So he got a ladder and climbed up and there he saw a black metal box. Inside the box were bags of money and some memorabilia.

Immediately, Josh closed the box and called his wife to tell her what he had found in their new home. Since the original homeowner passed away in November, Josh called the homeowner’s son and returned the $45,000 dollars in cash that he had found.

Josh said to a reporter, “I never considered the money to be mine.” Yet, this was a lesson in goodness and honesty for Josh’s two sons that, I believe, will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

God has a future of new joys, blessings and victory ahead for you. So, every day “make a difference” in someone’s life and be prepared to reap great rewards!

Catherine Galasso-Vigorito
Nationally Syndicated columnist and author

Who is it about?

2012-05-09T07:08:00.001-04:00

I am NOT ashamed..

2012-05-08T06:00:00.000-04:00

of the truth and boldly sharing it.

I love this quote:

The word LISTEN contains the same letters as the word SILENT!

Take the time now or when you can be still to LISTEN to this powerful video full of truth:

Grab His hand. He is not ashamed of you.

He loves you so deeply. He loves you so purely. He loves you so perfectly. He loves you because He created you to know Him and love Him.

Will you put aside all that is holding you back from receiving His love today?

Pondering and Doing

2012-05-07T06:00:00.000-04:00

…the depth of these truths and putting into action what can only bring glory to His name!

Let me hear an AMEN!!!!

Lots of wisdom to ponder and put into action. Praying for each of you this morning and asking God to give you the courage to ask Him for what He desires for you today. Allow Him to speak, listen, and then be obedient to do all that He is asking of you this day. Lay aside anything in the way of you obeying Him and trusting in Him.

Stronger

2012-05-01T07:15:00.001-04:00

I remember feeling like everything I was enduring was slowly killing me. Literally. I felt the joy being soaked from my soul. The very essence of who I was being trampled on and torn from deep within.

But it didn’t. Nor could it.

Because, I need not worry or try to resist it, stifle it, or carry it alone…

And so I can safely say, “I may not have gone where I intended to, but I am sure I have ended up exactly where I needed to be.”

I allowed yesterday to own and rule today. I struggled leaving the pain of yesterday behind. I was unwilling to truly forgive, and to let go and let God. All that did was

Every day I walked – some days quietly, some days backwards, some days I refused to move, some days I skipped and tried to go way ahead, some days I could barely take a single step, while other days I couldn’t see where I was going; they were all steps towards the path that led me to this very moment.

Oh how He loves to give us rest. When we trust in Him and lay our burdens down at His feet, He is so faithful to carry us and do the impossible.

Now doesn’t this truth just give you such peace and hope?

I have thought about this truth so much lately and it is keeping me focused on this very moment – right here – right now:

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” As well as “today if you will hear My voice.”

I’m now able to look back on all that was just one week ago and literally be in awe of His faithfulness and love for me.

One thing I would like to remind you is this -

All of these truths have made me stronger. There is a reason we all quote this, “what doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger.”

I am able to face each day now without carrying the burden of what was. I can’t change last week or month, but I can change how I react today and the amount of sacrifice I am willing to make for those I love. I know it won’t be easy…but they are worth it.

Love never fails. It always wins.

This song has always reminded me to come back to love when all else fails…because as I already said so many times before – His love never fails and will always win!

Wishing you all a beautiful and blessed day!

Doors of Opportunity

2012-04-30T10:38:00.001-04:00

I’m blessed that friends near and far read my blog and join me on this amazing grace journey. A dear friend that distance never lessens our love and appreciation for one another shared this with me today. I trust it will bless each of you who take the time to be washed by these truths.

Doors of Opportunity usually Swing Open on the Hinges of Adversity.

Spring has come to the northeast, and with the weather mild and sunny, my husband and I decided to take our children to visit the zoo. We, along with scores of other people with smiles on their faces, went through the entrance gate and canvassed exhibit after exhibit, peering in awe at the amazing creatures.

Enjoying nature's splendor, we walked up a tree-lined short path, and stopped to marvel at the natural beauty of the towering 17-foot giraffes and their offspring basking in the zoo's open woodland. One little giraffe, was sitting on the ground next to the mother, but in an instant, the baby got up and was on her feet. Then, the calf seemed to wobble and fall down. Yet effortlessly, the calf stood back up again.

My oldest daughter's hair fluttered about her face in the breeze and her blue-green eyes were wide open with curiosity, as she said to me, "Mom, with their long legs, I am surprised how quickly the calves are able to stand up."

I took these photos two summers ago of the mom and daughter giraffe – Abigail was only about 4 weeks old when we saw her.

You can see the entire set by click on the next photo.

I agreed.And at that moment, I recalled a book that I had read years ago about calves that taught me a valuable life lesson. "Well, honey," I answered my daughter, as we stood still, arm in arm, "The calves have to get up quickly if they tumble, because if they're in the wild, they can fall prey to other animals."

Continuing, I told my daughter that when a mother giraffe gives birth, she does so standing, and the calf then drops to the ground from about six feet up, and typically head first. Quickly, I assured, "The fall does not hurt the calf. However, almost immediately after birth, the mother teaches the calf, by actually knocking the baby down, to stand up on its own legs.She knocks the calf down repeatedly, for the mother giraffe wants to strengthen her little one in an effort to try to keep the calf safe for the challenges ahead."

"Mom, the calf learns to 'get up' by being 'knocked down?'" My daughter asked.

"Precisely," I uttered. And as if reading my mind, I knew she sensed what I was saying.

When we arrived home, I went into the office to skim my shelf for the book, 'A View from the Zoo,' by Gary Richman. I found the copy and sat down on my wingback chair and began to read once more how the author described the birth of a baby giraffe:

"The mother giraffe lowers her head long enough to take a quick look. Then she positions herself directly over her calf. She waits for about a minute, and then she does the most unreasonable thing. She swings her long, pendulous leg outward and kicks her baby, so that it is sent sprawling head over heels.

"When it doesn't get up, the violent process is repeated over and over again. The struggle to rise is momentous. As the baby calf grows tired, the mother kicks it again to stimulate its efforts. Finally, the calf stands for the first time on its wobbly legs. Then the mother giraffe does something remarkable. She kicks it off its feet again. Why? She wants it to remember how it got up...

"I've thought about the birth of the giraffe many times. I can see its parallel in my own life. There have been many times when it seemed that I had just stood up after a trial, only to be knocked down by the next. It was God helping me to remember how it was that I got up, urging me always to walk with Him, in His shadow, under His care."

Perhaps, you have been knocked down time and again.

Maybe, you experienced an emotional 'kick.' Or have suffered through various trials.

But let's keep in mind that the events in our lives, even the most difficult, have meaning and value. All of our experiences, good or bad, haven't been wasted. It is those experiences, molded together, that allow you to help others, to understand their pain, and shape you into the person you are destined to be. And similar to the baby calves, our challenges, obstacles and 'kicks' are a call to strengthen us, not to defeat us.

God created you with a vast inner determination and resilience. You have special gifts and abilities. Therefore, despite how many setbacks you have had, press on, daring to reach forth for your heart's desires. Stop looking at where you've been and begin to focus on where you can be today and tomorrow! Expand your range of possibilities. Go further. Don't wait. And if you stumble along the way or if someone trips you, get back up and start to move forward again. God is with you, so rest in His care, timing and sovereign purpose. It is just a matter of time before you accomplish your dreams. So boldly look with hope and confidence to the future.Victories are forthcoming, with more joys, more blessings and more rewards, in store for you.

I still wonder sometimes why the knocks and kicks in my own life are so many. But then I receive a letter from a reader who says, "I feel like you are writing these words for me," "I want you to know how you have changed my life," and "Thank you for being there..."

And instantly, with startling clarity...I know.

Catherine Galasso-Vigorito
Nationally Syndicated columnist and author

Wishing you all a beautiful and blessed day!

Be Still SONday

2012-04-29T06:00:00.000-04:00

As I look at this photo the only thought I have is this:

"…but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

Now sit back and let these words of praise lift up to heaven…

Have a beautifully blessed SONday!

Freedom to LOVE!

2012-04-27T10:22:00.001-04:00

Right Where I am..

He meets me.

He holds no grudge.

His arms are always open.

His love waiting to spill through my veins and give me life.

His grace to give me strength to do what I must.

To love as I did when I chose to answer Him yes.

My love has left us all dry. Empty. My well was left without a drop to spare.

He allowed me to get to the very bottom so that I would realize I had nothing to give if it is NOT Him alone that I am giving.

The land in which I have walked and brought our children to is barren.

I was trying to feed them the little scraps of love I could muster up. I was trying to heal their pain through the weakness of my own that I have carried from learning their stories. Stories of loss, hurt, lies, abandonment, rejection, and neglect.

Deep wounds need way more than a shallow fix.

They need what I can’t give. Nor do I have the keys to unlock the pain they are holding onto.

For so long I thought this journey was just about fixing them, healing them, and doing things to make them better.

This has been all about healing the deepest places of my soul to love without walls, and to give Him before I reach for my tools that are shattered and broken. Only after walking through the deepest valley I dared to go this past week, did I see what this journey has really been about - FREEDOM!

Love is the ultimate sacrifice and it is what set us all free from the bondage of our sins.

One choice and step at a time.

I don’t have to walk hoping His love will be enough, or worry that it won’t hold me up. I can trust that He has already gone before me and has already given me everything I need to trust in Him to fill me to overflowing with His love.

I don’t have to guess what would Jesus do? I know the answer. He would give up everything to love another – to set them free and give what nothing else in this world every could – the FREEDOM to love no matter what.

I have let go of yesterday. I no longer see the pain of yesterday. Instead I see the hope in this day and what awaits each of them tomorrow.

I have stopped holding onto what went wrong and instead choosing to see what went right.

I may never live the life I imagined and it may not turn out as I had planned. And that is OK.

I have the exact life God designed for me.

When their pain gets to be too much for me to handle, and floods through these walls. I need not worry or try to run away from it. I have the lover of my soul on my side and He is standing firmly on theirs as well.

I have the freedom to love.

I have been set free from the truth.

His love is more than enough. He sacrificed heaven and willingly gave it all – for each of us to have the FREEDOM TO LOVE.

No matter what you are facing today. No matter how hard your situation seems and hopeless – never forget there is always hope. It will all work out – it always does. This too shall pass. His grace is enough. He will never leave you, nor forsake you. With God, all things are possible. No problem is too big or too hard for God. He has already gone before you and knows the way…trust Him and hold His hand as He leads you every step of the way to freedom. Keep seeking truth and relish in it! Rejoice in every bit of freedom you are given along the way and only look back to see just how far you have come.

Today, take 15 minutes to write down all the things about your family and friends that you are grateful for – all the things they do that fill you up and remind you that love is more than a feeling – it is a choice to sacrifice.

I want to share a few posts with you that have been shared with me – all in His perfect timing to show me how I am NOT alone in walking out the pain of adoption.

My precious friend Sara has a way with words that always leave me walking away a better person:

Love, Unnaturally

Fierce Love

I don’t know Jen personally but I know her heart from what she has shared here and it is good for the soul.

Wishing you all a beautifully blessed weekend!

Just Like That…

2012-04-26T06:00:00.000-04:00

I changed my mind.

Which changed my heart.

Which changed my course in life.

Which changed my dreams.

Which changed my entire life.

Just like that.

Well, after changing my mind and having it change my heart and life – I began to see how all the little steps I chose along the way were helping me truly find my way.

As I look back over the last two years and see how many of my choices have effected exactly where I am today, I can’t help but think I simply must choose once again the change I so desperately am seeking to find.

Are you following along? Sheesh nothing like a circular conversation – right? I’ll try to get to the point. Stick with me here.

And so I did it again…

That’s exactly what happened last weekend. I woke up and let all the emotions pour through me and out of me. I decided that was it, no more feeling this way and I am determined to find my way back to where I once was, but not who I once was. Because I am not that same woman I was before I faced all the challenges I have. I can’t undo any of them, nor do I want to. Every single one of them has helped mold me into the woman I am today. I may not feel fully comfortable in the me today, but I’m not choosing the steps I take or make based on feelings. I’m making them based on my faith in Him.

God brought me to it and through it. I have NO right to keep complaining to myself or anyone else for that matter about where He lead me and has me today. It is all part of His perfect plan for me – to give me a future of hope. Not in myself and what I desire. But in Him and the plans He has prepared for me that will be good for me and bring upon His glory.

The more I resist His plans, His way, and His truth – the longer I truly force myself to suffer and allow others to be effected by my selfish desires. I think in my post the other day when I shared some very raw emotions I might have mislead some of you and for that I apologize.

I do NOT believe for a second that how I have behaved or reacted to the circumstances around me was done in the best way I could have. I am not condemning myself either. I feel convicted and rightfully so. I believe in being accountable for our actions. We are serving and loved by a holy, perfect, and faithful God. How can I possibly profess I love Him and yet reject all that He says is good for me? How can I possibly say I trust in Him, believe in Him, and desire to obey Him, and yet my actions for the last six months especially say nothing of the sort?

I allowed myself to speak lies to myself and others – by sharing the negative stuff and how hard it is to raise 9 children (for me) – I was denying the truth. The truth is, it is hard. Very hard to deal with so many challenges day in and day out, over and over again. But that doesn’t mean that I should ever allow their challenges to become a challenge for me. Nor should I allow their choices to steal my joy, peace, and hope. Nor should I ever allow it to stop me from being able to give and receive love, and discipline solely in love.

The truth is I have failed. I’m not a failure. But I have failed to trust in God and His promises. I failed to do it His way. So now I’m reaping what I sowed – the pain of my pride is right before me.

But just like that – I made a choice. A better choice. My actions will match my heart and beliefs. It won’t happen or get fixed over night. But I can certainly do something every single day to make my way there and stay on the right path. Not mine. But His.

I have a choice – to bloom where I am or to die inside and never fully receive the blessings He has already given me. Am I really willing to live another day feeling that way? The answer is 100% NO!

My feelings may not match up to my faith in God for a while and I may not like His plans either. But that doesn’t change His truth, His way, and His love for me.

Just like that…I am no longer blind and I can see. Once again the TRUTH HAS SET ME FREE! My Savior is calling me, His lost sheep to come back into the pasture with Him where it is green enough, good enough, and has all I need right there beside Him.

The beauty in all of this is that I only need to seek to know Him and love Him, and allow Him to do the rest.

Come taste and see just how God good is with me…I promise you will be full to the brim with peace, joy, hope, and love.

I’ll see you in the pasture.

How Sweet it is..

2012-04-24T06:00:00.000-04:00

“FORGIVENESS IS THE GREATEST GIFT WE GIVE OURSELVES!” My precious husband.

“Un-forgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die. You may be right about what hurt you, but wrong about how you are handling it. Flow in the mercy we were given.” ~ T. D. Jakes

Have you forgiven those who have trespassed against you? Have you forgiven your loved ones and especially your children for the things they did yesterday or even an hour ago? Forgive freely as you have been so graciously forgiven.

Father, thank You for the power of Your words to heal us, mend us, and to lift us up out of the mess we create. Help us to lean into Your love and let it mold us and be the driving force in all we do. Thank You for never leaving us or forsaking us. Thank You for loving us even still. Thank You for wanting the best for us and helping us to see that is Your plan no matter how we feel or what we see before us. Grant us the peace in our hearts to truly forgive and love others as You do. You alone are good, holy, perfect, and pure. Help us to be more like You in all we say and do. Thank You for loving us so well. Thank You for hearing our prayers and knowing our heart desires to honor You…even when it takes us longer than the first time You ask. Help us to do it right away, all the way, every day. We love You Lord Jesus. It is in Your name we pray. AMEN!

I have believed…

2012-04-23T06:00:00.000-04:00

The lie(s).

I made a promise to myself this year and asked many to hold me accountable for, “NO MORE negative words about myself or the life I have so graciously been given”.

Sadly, I dropped the ball and didn’t remind anyone to hold me to it.

Which opened the door for me to shovel on layers and layers of shame, guilt, and pain.

I shared a very personal story a few summers ago about how the book Shame Lifter by Marilyn Hontz effected me deeply.

Yet, the past six months have proven there were still parts of my heart that were wounded and untouchable.

Even to God.

Not because He couldn’t reach them. I didn’t open them up to Him.

Again, this only allowed the lies to speak and the truth to be hushed.

I spoke failure into my life.

I watched day after day our children struggle to become who I hoped they would be from the life God has given to them. All I saw was my failure to love them enough.

I watched day after day our children look for me to play with them more, read to them more, give them more of myself, and I couldn’t. I was empty from giving and giving and giving through the pain of adoption after adoption for the last 6.5 years. All I saw was my failure to be a joyful and loving mom.

I watched day after day their needs mount as I tried desperately to meet the very basic for myself. All I saw was an overwhelming need I could not meet. Failure again.

The more failure I faced or believed I was facing, the more fear crept into my heart and mind.

I was afraid to fail them again. I was afraid to miss the mark one more day. I was afraid to hurt them anymore.

But in my fear of failing, I never realized I was doing exactly what I set out NOT to do.

Along the way, I began to see how much this was hurting me way more than them.

I stopped enjoying the little things about them and mothering. I began to hate the small things I used to love. I stopped enjoying being needed and putting on my nursing hat to care for the latest boo-boo. I literally stopped living. I was simply going through the motions. I was so thick in the forest, I couldn’t see the trees.

Until, the motion came to a screeching halt and I couldn’t take it another day.

Oh how perfect this beautiful quote and photo by my new blessing and friend Stacee.

God, has been waiting for me to finally break. He has been waiting for me to stop fighting the life He has given me. He has been waiting for me to say, “ENOUGH!” He has been waiting for me to simply see how desperately I really need Him. It is not enough to say that I do. But to mean it and know it to my very core.

I walked deep into the valley with Him the last two weeks. Right into the belly of my fears and failures. I looked them right in the eyes and saw everything for what it really is. A lie.

I’m not a failure.

Nor have I failed our children.

Nor am I responsible for changing them.

Nor can I fix or heal them.

Nor can I make them choose the right things and desire to do them.

Nor can I honestly be everything to each of them every single day.

I am one woman.

BUT GOD!

Where I end, He is ready to meet their needs and exceed what I would ask for on behalf of them. He never asked me to be all things to them or others in my life. He simply asked me to let Him be all things.

He simply asked me to trust that He would finish the good work He had begun the moment He brought us together as a family.

He simply asked me to obey Him and do the hard things, because they are right and will reap a harvest for others to taste and see His goodness.

He simply asked me to praise Him, even when it hurt.

And that is what I have done the last few years. I have praised Him through a storm I never thought I would live to see the end of.

But praising Him wasn’t enough. I praised Him for the easy stuff and resisted the hard stuff. I didn’t want another hard day. I didn’t want another week of disciplining the same child. I didn’t want to walk through trial after trial after trial. My praises were shallow. Because my walk with Him was only ankle deep.

I don’t want praise for being a mom of 9. I mess it up every single day. I look at other moms who have 11 – 18 children and think to myself, “how are they so happy and joyful?” Which fed the lie. I allowed all the joy in others to beat me down even more. Don’t mistake my words. I love our children. I am thankful for each one. They are all part of God’s plan for my life and He continues to use them to teach me things nothing else in life ever could. Yet, that doesn’t mean it has been easy or that I have loved this path every step of the way. This path has worn me out. It has been lonely. Very lonely. I have walked down this path it seems waiting for it to finally come to end. I have wanted something that isn’t coming. I have been hoping for something different, because this has never been in my plans. So again, this path, the one I prayed for along the way, has also fed the lie. Every time I believed the lie, I resented the path and became a little more desperate for one that would bring me joy. Joy will never come when we are wishing away what we already have been given.

But God.

He wants me to have joy right here. Yes, right where I am. I just need to stop believing the lies so that I can be set free by the very truth that saved my soul.

Here are the very truths I will be telling myself every single day until the lies can no longer be heard. Care to join me?

I will remind myself of this truth as well:

The fast way to losing joy is in comparison. I’m done with that too. I don’t know the full story behind the doors of those with more children than me, and I only hear what they want the world to know. But what I know for sure is this. My joy can remain full if my heart is content in Him. It will never be full if I am looking for it in anyone or anything else. So here’s to a heart overflowing with joy and it spilling onto everyone that I truly love. Because love truly does cover a multitude of sins and our children deserve to grow up knowing they are worth the truth that saved them too!

Praying for all of you who have believed the lie and are needing to be set free by the truth today!

I am ready to walk and swim in the deep end with God. Where He will keep me close to Him and watch over me. I can trust Him, as I obey Him. I can love Him, as I choose Him and believe Him at His word.

Be Still SONday

2012-04-22T05:00:00.000-04:00

I have been silent for a while here.

I am going through the Refiner’s fire.

I will be sharing my heart as the words come.

I know I have said that many times in the last year, but now it is time to speak.

This has been one of the deepest valleys I have yet found myself walking in. A valley so low I didn’t eve realize I lead myself there. A valley so dry, my body no longer felt thirsty when I was weak. A valley so dark, the light hurt my eyes to look up into it. A valley that left me feeling so lost, I struggled too long to find my way up and out.

But God. Who loves me, never let me go. He just watched me and was waiting for me to see that I let go and didn’t even realize it.

Last night He used a fortune cookie to speak softly to my heart just when I needed it most.

“Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.”

Oh goodness! I couldn’t even believe it said that. Especially after the week I had and the conversations I have been having with my husband for the last six months.

What is it that you are in need of today?

Whatever you need – He will supply it! All you have to do is ask.

So today, spend time being still and ask for what you need. Trust in God, to give it to you in His perfect timing and way. There is nothing to be afraid of. Nothing is impossible for Him or with Him. I only say it – because I know it to be 100% truth. I stopped trusting in that because I wanted to see it and not simply walk by faith. I got tired of waiting and let doubt creep in, and take up way too much space in my heart and mind. Right when I needed Him most, He scooped me up and dusted off all that was clouding my view. Because I too needed reminding that I simply needed to keep asking Him to be all that I needed. Not just ask for what I needed but for Him to be all that I need.

My heart is full of thankfulness. I am grateful that He remains the same – yesterday, today, and forever’n ever’n always. I am so thankful He never leaves me nor forsakes me, even when I have forsaken Him.

Friends, be still today and know that He is God. The very God who formed you in your mother’s womb and knows your heart…to the deepest part of you. He loves you perfectly and purely. This I know.

It’s Called Faith

2012-04-16T10:29:00.001-04:00

Every time I read this story, I sit and smile. Oh how I would have loved to been in that lecture hall for this…

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

P.S. I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you’ll probably want your friends/ colleagues to enjoy the same, won’t you?

By the way, that student was EINSTEIN.

Be Still SONday - Time and Space

2012-04-15T05:50:00.000-04:00

Time and Space.

Are two very important components in life when dealing with any major decision.

Time to be still.

Time to wait.

Time to listen.

Time to pray.

Time to be washed in the truth.

Time to be restored and renewed.

Time to hope.

Time to cry.

Time to ask God, how, when, and why?

Time to let God, do all that you have asked.

Time to see that His way really is always best.

Time.

It is good.

Space to separate your emotions from the reality of the situation.

Space to let emotions get under control.

Space to see things for what they really are.

Space to see everything in a new way.

Space to just be.

Space to think.

Space to scream.

Space to dance around.

Space to read.

Space to pray.

Space to run and run and run.

Space to look back and see just how far God has brought you.

Space.

It is good.

That is what I have been taking the last month. Time away from sharing my thoughts here, because I needed the space to see them for what they really are…God working things for my good and His glory.

I can clearly see the direction my life is going at this very moment. What tomorrow brings I have no idea. But I know that today, my life has a purpose and I need to be sure I’m doing everything I can to fulfill it.

In order to fulfill it my only focus must be the following…

As all of you know I began my photography business over two years ago. However, one year ago we moved. Which put a huge damper on the momentum I was building and the vision I had for where the business was headed. My plans didn’t exactly work out. Then in January, of this year, I started over in our new state. I was beyond excited. Couldn’t wait to begin. Worked for months on the marketing and put everything into place to create the same vision I had before moving. Again, my plans didn’t exactly work out. Are you seeing a theme here?

So, I fought internally for weeks. I struggled to see the obvious and not so obvious going on. I tried to understand what was going on. But all I wanted was for things to work out as I hoped, dreamed, and desired. I was so frustrated. I was getting so hurt inside. I felt like I failed. I let the lies begin to build inside and began to doubt that I could really make a go of this again in a new area.

But God! He was trying to get my attention. I just needed to give Him the time and space He needed to show me that when I was ready to give up my way, His way was going to blow me away.

What gives me the greatest peace is that even when I am the one distancing myself from God, walking my own way (thinking I’m walking His)…

His love is always right there. He is so good to us. He is beyond caring, gentle, merciful, and so full of love.

And so, I begin a new journey with my business. One I have missed putting time and energy into. The I AM BEAUTIFUL PROJECT is now my focus and it is going to be everything I dreamed it could be, but so much more…because God is completely leading the way. He has shown me what it truly means to touch the lives of women (young and old), His daughters, and the sacredness of capturing their beauty – which is always more than skin deep. In the coming weeks I will begin sharing more details about it and how you can get involved. For now, I covet your prayers and ask that you remind me that time and space are always good.

Blessed to share this amazing grace journey with all of you!

Your Words

2012-04-10T13:43:00.001-04:00

Have power. Choose them wisely!

Out of the mouth the heart speaks. What is filling your heart today?

Be Still SONDAY–Resurrection

2012-04-08T05:00:00.000-04:00

He is RISEN!

Wishing you all a blessed day celebrating our Savior! He is ALIVE! His LOVE endures forever!

Happy Passover

2012-04-06T05:00:00.000-04:00

I couldn’t help but share this for our family and friends!

Wishing everyone a blessed Pesach! God, is always faithful to fulfill His promises to redeem us!

Thank You Jesus

2012-04-05T08:45:00.001-04:00

That is all I can think of to say as I prepare my heart to celebrate Passover and Resurrection Sunday! I can’t even bring myself to call it Easter…it reflects everything I loathe about the sacredness of the holiday.

Our Savior is risen, the tomb could not contain Him, and He has redeemed us for all eternity. His love for us could not be stopped!

And if you have forgotten the definition of love, it is sacrifice:

So this weekend my prayer will remain…

Wishing you all a richly blessed holy weekend! May your hearts turn back to the One who gave it all for you! There is no love greater than His for you!

I Struggle

2012-04-04T10:45:00.001-04:00

Yes, I do.

I struggle with finding balance in my life as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, encourager, and photographer while keeping God as the center of it all.

I struggle to do the right thing all of the time.

I struggle to do it right the first time.

I struggle to be silent and still.

I struggle to wait.

I struggle to live in a world that is so blatantly opposite of what God desires for us.

I struggle to grasp how much pain is in the world around me and the deafening silence as people watch without doing anything.

I struggle watching people share jokes before they will share truths that will actually change hearts and lives.

I struggle watching a book and movie about killing children can become #1 while a movie about the very future of this great nation has yet to be mentioned in the news.

I struggle to understand.

The more I learn about God, and His truth, the more I struggle.

Why the constant struggle?

For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. Galatians 5:17

I am so grateful they are in constant conflict. Because the Spirit reminds me (convicts) that I need to align myself with God’s way.

I am thankful that God does not let me run so far away from Him and the truth. He is constantly calling me back to Himself and showing me I have gone astray. He allows me to struggle so that I can see that I am simply resisting what is best for me. My struggle in doing what I know is best is also His way to keep me humble. I may set my eyes on what I desire, but He will find ways to show me His. It doesn’t have to be a struggle. I make it one by resisting His way, all the way, right away.

I pray you will not struggle with His best for you one more day either…

As I prepare my heart for the holiday weekend, I am reminded that I need to let go and truly let God. Then and only then, will I know peace, joy, and the fullness of His love. His grace is enough.

Mommy I can’t see…

2012-03-28T10:23:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, I shared how the fog made it almost impossible to drive the children to school last week…

From the back seat I heard, “Mommy I can’t see ahead.” I could sense their fear and discomfort not being able to see the road ahead of us or the other cars until they were directly in front of us.

I showed them that it was OK by remaining calm. I spoke in a soft voice and made sure they knew it would be OK. I used the thick fog to teach the very lesson I needed to learn last week, that when we can’t see ahead of us, we simply must trust God. To slow down and go steadily on the path before us. Trusting that He has gone before us and will supply the grace we need to navigate our way. I explained to them that life will be full of seasons of uncertainty and moments where they will be unable to see directly in front of them. That is when their faith will be tested and their true hearts will be shown.

I drove on through the thick fog in silence. They were trying so very hard to see ahead of us. They wanted to know it would be OK. Even with my words of comfort and truth, their tender and young hearts were unsettled.

Then as we made our way closer and closer to school and familiar sights became clearer they relaxed. Again, I was able to use their reaction to the fog as a life lesson. I was able to show them without needing to say much how important it is to live out the truth and His promises to us. We walk by faith, not by sight. He is a lamp unto our feet. He will make the croaked roads straight. He will guide us by His love. His Spirit will teach us and direct us.

Our job – to remain humble, still, and keep our hearts tender towards His ever present voice.

Humility opens the gates of grace to empower us no matter what we must face. It allows God to be God and us to rest in His perfect peace, joy, hope, and love.

I am NOTHING without His grace.

Wishing you all a blessed day!

I Can’t See…

2012-03-27T06:08:00.000-04:00

Ahead!

I literally couldn’t see while driving the kids to school last week in the morning more than one car in front of me. Which got me to thinking…

I can’t see what awaits me later today.

I can’t see what awaits me later this week.

I can’t see what awaits me tomorrow.

I can’t see what awaits me ahead.

But I want to see. I want to know it is all going to work out.

Yet, I know in my heart that it always does. But, my heart is seeking to be comforted that everything ahead is going to work out right now.

Funny how new things bring out the little fears in us. Or even the big ones.

The unknown is where our faith is tested. What I can’t see I must trust in His faithfulness to lead me to wherever I need to be or do next.

How many times have we all said this verse? "For we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Or how many times have we sung the song Amazing Grace and the lyrics, “was blind, but now I see”?

What causes us to see? What causes us to be able to walk by faith? What allows us to hold on when everything before is too hard to understand?

The faithfulness of God. The promise maker and keeper. The holder of all our tomorrows. The carrier of our burdens. The ONE who catches every tear that falls. The ONE who knows our name and every hair on our head. The ONE who longs to be our all in all. The ONE who is simply waiting for us love Him more than everything else.

It is by the grace of God, that we can see once we ask Him into our hearts and to be the LORD of our lives.

It is by the grace of God, that we are able to handle the trials we must face.

It is by the grace of God, that we are able to do anything that will withstand the fire of all our deeds.

Because of God. I only need to see right here, right now, what is right before me.

Because God is the lamp unto my feet, and will direct me on the good path. He will not let my feet slip and He will strengthen my feeble knees.

I believe this to be true. But I found out when I was faced with the thickness of the fog last week, that I have moments of doubt, hours of questioning, days of misunderstandings, and weeks of frustration. Because I’m trying to see something that my eyes are not ready to focus on.

Which steals my joy, peace, laughter, and ability to bloom right where I am.

It takes my eyes and mind off of God and onto myself.

Which steals His grace from me.

Because God gives grace to the humble and resists the proud. (Proverbs 3:34, James 4:6)

That is all I need to know. God, is more than enough. He will always be right here ready to meet my needs, perfectly (in His timing and in His way).

So, today if you are struggling to see the good in the situation you find yourself in, or worried about how you will get through today, or what you must face tomorrow. I ask you to lay it all down and allow God to be God in your life. I pray you will join me in letting go of the need to know and simply trust in the God who holds your very next breath in His hands.

Wishing you all a blessed day and saying a prayer for each of you!

Be Careful Little Mouth

2012-03-21T12:34:00.001-04:00

What you say! Because the Father up above is looking down with love.

I hear our youngest singing that song every time I think of quotes like this. Wishing you a wonderfully blessed day!

I AM

2012-03-20T06:02:00.000-04:00

May this song minister to your hearts today.

Praying for you as you soak in His love for you.