Late Papers

Leaves, Energy, and Losing Weight

2012-01-14T09:24:00.001-06:00

In my last post, I mentioned that:

"Along the way, I'm discovering other beauties— the beauty of walking in all kinds of weather, the beauty of raking and bagging leaves: the beauty of sunset and cold while raking leaves, the beauty of combing over the lawn and counting every leaf, the beauty of taking care of my lawn and discovering a relationship with these trees we have."

Responding to these lines, a friend asked me if I have more energy now that I've been losing weight. I'm going to say yes, but not for the reason that I would have expected before I set out on this journey. I do have more energy now because I'm learning not to stifle the need of my heart, which is the engine which drive me toward destiny. I learned that every hair on my head is counted, and I realized that the One who fed the 5,000 could teach me how to eat reasonably. What is this need of the heart? It is that need for truth, justice, happiness, and love— a need that is infinite, and which, like the physical heart, grows through exercise. It grows from truth to truth, from justice to justice, and from happiness to love (as the father says in Claudel's play, The Tidings Brought to Mary: "We are too happy, and the others are not happy enough").

When I started to exercise in the last couple of years, I felt that it was extremely banal. I'm reminded by something Fr. Giussani says in The Risk of Education: "to walk without direction is perceived as a waste of time by a lively and vibrant mind" (55-56). I started by walking 15 or 20 minutes at a time, praying the Rosary (or other prayers), and begging for life, more life. Eventually, I discovered a GPS speed tracking app for my phone, which enabled me to push myself in real time to go faster. This year I saw the leaves in the yard, and as in previous years, I saw that it would be good if someone bagged them up. In a reversal from previous years, I realized that I could track calories and supplement my walking with a different exercise. Also, it didn't seem fair to leave it all to my wife or oldest son. There was a glimmer of good in this banal task. When I started raking and bagging, I enjoyed being outside, watching the sunset, playing in the leaves. My daughter surprised me by coming out and helping me several times.

The energy is given to me— I just have to embrace it. It's a desire for the infinite that begins to be satisfied in everyday things. And as I embrace it, I'm spurred on by a greater desire with surprises I could never have imagined.

A Misplaced Hunger

2012-01-02T14:20:00.000-06:00

the road is beautiful for the one who walks

According to Myfitnesspal.com (alias freder1ck), I've logged in 184 days in a row, and have lost 57.5 pounds. I was recently asked how I did this. My first answer (why) is that I've been lucky— I've come up against something that has reordered my desire, made me more reasonable, and strengthened me. My second answer (how) is various: I eat less and exercise more (Catbert); have studied a bit on fitness and overeating (The Culprit and the Cure, Overcoming Binge Eating); use online tools (myfitnesspal, Runtastic app).

People are typically more interested in the how than in the why. However, there's not much of a secret about the how— as Catbert's advice suggests.

What's more interesting to me is the why. To begin with, I noticed that there are many products out there to control appetite, but I recognized that I ate contrary to appetite. I ate when I wasn't hungry and when I was full, and my eating was increasingly disproportionate to my hunger, as if attempting to fill infinite desire with finite matter, or to stop up an infinite desire with finite materials. If the reason for eating is prolonging life, overeating has the opposite impact— an action that betrays an unreasonable attittude.

In 2002, I heard a beautiful song that promised "liberty that Abraham Lincoln could not have given me." This was at the presentation of Luigi Giussani's book The Religious Sense in Atchison, Kansas. In 2007, I attended Spiritual Exercises of Communion and Liberation in Winona, Minnesota, on the theme of "Christ in His Beauty Draws Me to Him." Two points in this weekend fascinated me: 1. instinct is good and 2. instinct is ordered toward totality. As soon as I heard this, I perceived that it would be possible to live in freedom. At the same time, I realized that I would not be content to only lose weight or only to be free of 'the dictatorship of desires.' Only totality, only infinite beauty would be enough.

Why did it take years for me to discover a new relationship with food and exercise? Freedom is a long road, but in the last 6 months things have come together for me. If you're following infinite beauty, you're content to wait a bit for this or that finite beauty. At any rate, Camus wrote that “It is not by means of scruples that man will become great; greatness comes through the grace of God, like a beautiful day."

Along the way, I'm discovering other beauties— the beauty of walking in all kinds of weather, the beauty of raking and bagging leaves: the beauty of sunset and cold while raking leaves, the beauty of combing over the lawn and counting every leaf, the beauty of taking care of my lawn and discovering a relationship with these trees we have.

Christmas Bells

2011-12-26T12:12:00.003-06:00

On Thursday as I rounded the lake I thought I heard the rustle of bells, and seeing nothing wondered. As I rounded the lake again, at the same spot, I heard the rustle again and noticed the geese walking across the ice. On Friday and Saturday, I heard the crackling of ice again. Friday was colder so the tone was different, but Saturday it was similar again to sleigh bells. This reminds me of the time I went to Dallas and heard the sputter and crackling of Grackles— dismissed by the locals as a pest and a nuisance, but audible to me as a tourist or pilgrim. I'm grateful to discover this openness in my everyday life, the experience of being a pilgrim even when at home.

New Evangelization: at the Portal of Faith

2011-12-16T08:01:00.000-06:00

Waiting by *clairity* on flickr

Here's a talk by Joseph Ratzinger on the new evangelization: Address to Catechists and Religion Teachers: Jubilee of Catechists, 12 December 2000.

The main point of the talk is that the new evangelization is rooted in personal conversion (expropriation of the person) in the context of a "a progressive process of de-Christianization and a loss of the essential human values, which is worrisome. A large part of today's humanity does not find the Gospel in the permanent evangelization of the Church: That is to say, the convincing response to the question: How to live?" The method of evangelization does not change, but there is a need to bring the authentic method to those unlikely to hear the word in a parish or other traditional setting. Using new media, the internet and social media, may or may not be new evangelization. Does it speak in the agora— the public marketplace, or does it speak in a parochial way, to the choir as it were (although the choir often harbors the hardest hearts: those most distant and above the mystery).

As Ratzinger says: "The Kingdom of God always starts anew under this sign. New evangelization cannot mean: immediately attracting the large masses that have distanced themselves from the Church by using new and more refined methods. No—this is not what new evangelization promises." It seems to me that there are plenty of attempts to build success by increasing numbers among Christians today: X-Boxes at the megachurch, rock-style services, a whole Christian subculture with a veneer of pop trappings. Another new method is that of interpreting pop culture, mediating it for young people. This approach was popularized by Francis Schaeffer, but young people did not learn how to critically examine pop culture but only to repeat the criticisms of others. I speak from personal experience and that of others.

The new evangelization is not a new moralism (recall the movie, A Nun's Story, for example— a movie which defined a generation of priests and religious). The attempt has left us with a series of reduced images of Jesus, as Ratzinger notes: "The 200 years of history of the 'historical Jesus' faithfully reflect the history of philosophies and ideologies of this period."

Reading Ratzinger's article, I'm reminded in a great way of the book of Jonah, which many commentators see as a satire on insular attitudes. But the book of Jonah was a great touchstone in the life and teaching of Jesus, and Jesus seemed to take it pretty seriously. Jonah was sent to the gentile city of Ninevah to announce God's judgment and mercy. Even though he resisted the call, Jonah allowed himself to be expropriated to the point of death (Sheol) for three days in the belly of the great fish. And like Jonah, Christians are ready to sit on the hilltop awaiting the destruction of the city when Jesus has invited us to announce the presence of God among the nations.

Where is there a "convincing response to the question: How to live?" New York Encounter, in January, is one place. Here is another.

CYO: Basketball Season

2011-12-12T08:01:00.000-06:00

mural photo by *clairity* on flickr

After getting her feet wet with volleyball, our fourth grade daughter decided to do basketball also. Basketball is definitely a more intense game than volleyball— for the players and the parents alike. I was surprised last week when we went to see how intense my fellow parents were compared to volleyball. When I got home, I checked the Play Like a Champion CYO handbook, and sure enough we were guilty of multiple 'toxic behaviors.' Well, freedom is a long road! And we were such good citizens during volleyball season…

This week I was tapped to be a scorekeeper. With one person from each team keeping score, it felt like a civic duty, like being an election volunteer. Both sides working together to ensure a fair process.

I played basketball one season for the Jewish Community Center, and I've enjoyed stories of basketball in the last few years: Conroy's My Losing Season and Franzen's Freedom. At any rate, I'm glad to see that she's learning to be part of a team, having fun, and getting some time with the ball.

In Gratitude for the Light

2011-12-10T10:17:00.001-06:00

All my life I've taken snapshots, things that are interesting to me. With my camera phone, I've started instead to look for the light (full disclosure: I learned about finding the light on America's Next Top Model).

At sunrise, to see the light illuminating certain things while leaving others in shadow. Over the course of a day or many days, the sun lights up everything, and this illumination dominates us so much that we trust sight above all.

In the summer the heat of the sun dominates everything. So much so, that in fall or spring I can't help remembering Aesop's fable about the man with the coat. The wind and the sun compete to see who can get him to remove it. No matter how hard the wind blows he just hugs it tighter. The sun wins just by welcoming him with warmth until he no longer needs his coat.

Now that it's winter, however, I see that even though the days are short, and the air is cold, the sun still wins by making everything visible. What's amazing is how the beams spotlight this thing first, and then that thing later, like a curtain being raised and showing the audience one part, and then another part of the stage.

Mann: The Jealousy of God

2011-11-08T22:32:00.000-06:00

Sprig of Yellow by *clairity* on flickr

Reading Joseph and His Brothers by Thomas Mann is not unlike watching Monty Python's Biblical movies. Impious to be sure, but at the same time a seriousness in front of the human situation described: a surprise and wonder before the strangeness of things witnessed.

Here's a bit on the contrast between Rachel's and Leah's fecundity:

"The letter of tradition is the only point of reference offered us when it comes to explaining these melancholy events of life. In brief, it reads: because Leah was hated by Jacob, God opened her womb and made Rachel barren. That's why. It is one attempt at explanation like any other. It has the ring of supposition, not that of authority, for there is no direct and determinative utterance by El Shaddai as to the meaning of His decree, be it directed against Jacob or some other party— and without doubt He never offered one. All the same, it would be proper to cast this interpretation aside and offer another only if we knew a better, which is not the case. Indeed, we shall take the kernal of the one offered to be true.

That kernal is that God's action was not directed against Rachel, or at least not at first, nor was it done for Leah's sake, but rather was meant as instructive chastisement for Jacob himself, who was in fact rebuked inasmuch as the selectivity and gentle despotism of his emotions, the arrogance with which he nursed and proclaimed them, did not have the approval of the Elohim— even though such a tendency to single out by displaying unbridled preference, this pride of feeling that evaded all criticism and desired the whole world's reverent acceptance, could appeal to a higher model and indeed represented its earthly imitation. Even though? Jacob's emmotional despotism was punished precisely because it was an imitation. Anyone attempting to address this matter must take care how he expresses himself; but after scrupulous examination of the text at hand there can be no doubt that the supreme motive for the action under discussion was God's jealousy of a privilege, which in humbling Jacob's emotional despotism, He intended to designate as His privilege. This interpretation may well be censured and will surely not escape the objection that a motive as petty and passionate as jealousy is inappropriate for explaining divine decrees."
[... a bit of digression here on God's evolution ...]
"For what is the unbridled feeling of one human being for another— such as Jacob allowed himself to feel for Rachel and later transfered in an even stronger form, if that is possible, to her firstborn— if not idolotry?"
[...]
"Call it a vestige of the desert, but the truth remains that it is in passion, first and foremost, that the tempestuous term 'living God' is actually and demonstrably fulfilled. And in retrospect, one will say that Joseph, however much his own flaws hurt him, had a better sense of this living God and was far more adept at taking Him into consideration than the father who begot him" (255-257).

'And With Your Spirit' according to Adrienne von Speyr

2011-11-04T05:30:00.000-05:00

Trinity, French, second half of 15th c
by *clairity* on Flickr

"The priest's greeting and the congregation's accompanying response are repeated again and again in the course of the Holy Mass so as to draw the congregation anew into what is happening. It is almost as if the priest, in the depths of his prayer, his ecclesial prayer, were in danger of becoming remote from the congregation. It is almost as if, again and again, he draws the congregation into what he is doing.

Through its response, the congregation hopes and wishes and believes that the priest in all his functions will remain in unity with and at the heart of the Church, so that the Lord will be with his ministerially endowed spirit.

When Holy Mass is celebrated correctly, as an act of love in the Church, this exchange of greetings functions again and again to test the axis, coordinates, and alignment of priest and congregation toward the heart of their common service. It is a check to make sure that the state of the Church is in accordance with that of the Lord." (The Holy Mass, 30-31).

Blessed is He - a dramatic shift in the Sanctus

2011-10-14T07:01:00.000-05:00

Towers, Sagrada Familia, Barcelona
by clairity on flickr

Holy, Holy, Holy Lord God of hosts. Heaven and earth are full of your glory. Hosanna in the highest.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest.

Traditionally, the Sanctus is understood as a two-part prayer: the Sanctus and the Benedictus. The first part is from Isaiah 6:3, and the second part from Matthew 21:9.

"In the Sanctus it is first and foremost the Lord of creation who is given praise, whereas in the Benedictus it is first and foremost the incarnate God. The transubstantiation is a third mystery, after the creation and the Incarnation that nonetheless stands in the most intimate relation to both. The first sign of the vitality and sanctity of God in the world was the creation, the second sign was the Incarnation. The third sign sums up and unites the two, but does so without constituting a midpoint between them or blurring the significance of either. On the one hand, the transubstantiation is like the creation, since out of a kind of nothing the Lord's presence comes into being It is also like the Incarnation, since the Lord's body and blood once again become present among us. Thus the transubstantiation is a reminder of both mysteries, but it does not coincide with either." (p54, The Holy Mass by Adrienne von Speyr).

Thus, the Sanctus in its entirety compresses adoration of the Father in His eternal majesty with the condescension of the Son in the Incarnation. It's a dramatic moment that remembers the Incarnation and anticipates the transubstantiation.

I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry

2011-10-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

Voila - Coq au Vin by clairity on flickr

"Ordering one's instinct towards the goal (which is to say, the whole) is the fundamental gift of self to the whole, the so-called 'duty,' whose essence, then, cannot be but love, which is self-surrender. […] But giving oneself is not human unless it is to a person. Loving is only human if one loves a person…"At the Origin of the Christian Claim, 94

Or as Saint Paul proclaims in today's reading:

"I know also how to live with abundance. In every circumstance and in all things. I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need.I can do all things in him who strengthens me."

Recently, Father Carron recalled the words of Msgr. Giussani:

“Expect a journey, not a miracle that would spare you your responsibilities, that would save you an effort, and make your freedom mechanical. No! Don’t expect this. This is something profoundly different from before, from the journey made up to now. The profound difference is that you cannot follow us if you are not intent on understanding. Now you have to begin to really love life and its destiny.”

The only thing I would add to the above is a profound gratitude that Christ has shown his face on me, that his loving gaze has reached me through a people and through the Church. And because his face is my desire, everything else is becoming a sign of that desire. So I'm learning to love food for what it is: a transient sign of the infinite. A greater love for time, things, and people: and yes, even food. Thanks also to my parents who recently sent me a big cooler from Omaha Steaks.

2011-10-05T00:05:00.001-05:00

"6 By insisting on self-control alone as the only reality, and on the human will's presumed ability to succeed, spiritual directors betray the young." ~Father Luigi Giussani

Fading by Clairity on flickr

Not Just a Formality: "and with your spirit"

2011-10-04T07:02:00.000-05:00

Spiderweb Draped on a Rose Tree by Clairity on flickr

About 6 weeks into using the newly translated responses of the Roman Missal, I still have a bit of trouble remembering to say "and with your spirit" in response to "The Lord be with you." This exchange happens 5 times, but at first I thought it was 4 times. In his blog, Missal Moments, Fr. Hugh details the 5 times:

"For there are five moments when the priest’s greeting (or sometimes the deacon’s, if there is one) is answered by the congregation with 'and with your spirit': at the beginning of the Mass; immediately before the proclamation of the Gospel; at the opening of the Preface to the Eucharistic Prayer; at the Sign of Peace which precedes the reception of Holy Communion; and at the dismissal which concludes Mass."

All my life I've regarded this response to be a formality, a convention like: how are you? I'm fine. But in addressing ourselves to the spirit of the ordained minister, we are saying something like, "and with the gift of your ordination, with the charism you received through the Church to offer this sacrifice. So, I'm starting to see these five moments as a sign that something great is about to happen, a reminder to pay attention. I'm reminded in particular of the Divine Liturgy of the Eastern Churches which repeats throughout "Wisdom. Pay attention!"

The most difficult of these five moments for me to remember is right before the Gospel proclamation. It reminds that the Gospel reading is not just the last of a series of readings, but that something great is happening: the proclamation of God made man.

"The Spirit of the Gospel is therefore the Spirit of the incarnate Lord, the Spirit of his flesh and blood, and consequently also the Spirit of the life of the Lord. [...] Thus, the Gospel appeals to us more strongly [than the readings], claiming our attention and absorbing us" (The Holy Mass, Adrienne von Speyr, 37).

And by drawing us in, the Gospel prepares us in a particular way to celebrate the Eucharistic Prayer, and to Receive the Body and Blood of Christ, two grand moments in the kenosis of Jesus Christ for us sinners— to make himself present among us and to entrust himself to our hands.

And why the spiderweb photo? Because the Holy Spirit is the one who makes the invisible things of God visible, not unlike the dew.

Merit, Success, and Moneyball

2011-10-03T00:01:00.000-05:00

Merit vs. Success

I’ve never read Moneyball, and I know that the success of applying a broad array of statistics to baseball has been uneven. However, I was impressed to hear Michael Lewis being interviewed by Terry Gross on Fresh Air (Terry Gross interviews Michael Lewis on his book Moneyball, 2003). What intrigues me is that Lewis describes the traditional idea of merit, and at the same time criticizes using success as a sole criteria.

To grasp what’s at stake in terms like merit and success, here’s a passage from Luigi Giussani:

"The term 'merit' designates the measure human activity acquires with regard to the Eternal: man must merit happiness, that is, heaven. But clearly from the Christian perspective, one who is ill, for example, or who falls on misfortune, or is handicapped can have a dignity and stature greater than that of those whose names are paraded in newspaper headlines. Such stature is not just the lucky convergence of external factors" (Luigi Giussani, "Religious Awareness in Modern Man," 110).

For Terry Gross, the interesting question is whether the new approach is more or less objective and empirical, but really what’s at stake is whether to evaluate skills by outcomes (which includes the role of fortune, luck) or by specific skills regardless of specific outcomes.

Here’s Michael Lewis’s description of the approach of the Oakland A’s:

“Well, it isn't that subjective because what you're doing is comparing what happened on the baseball field to what normally happens. And so what they would do is they would say, let's say Johnny Damon of the Boston Red Sox hits a line drive - they would call it - they would actually not even call it a line drive. They'd call it a ball hit. It's a certain velocity and a certain angle to the ground that landed in this - on this little spot, on this little point on the baseball field.”

This evaluation of specific skills independent of specific outcomes is similar to the way that Catholic Youth Organization (CYO) coaches work with kids to develop specific skills. As a parent, I enjoy clapping for the good plays and seeing the good application of particular skills (especially by my daughter).

Discovering Unexpected Value

An interesting result of this approach is that the Oakland A’s were able to discover value in an injured player who was worthless to every other team:

“Well, Scott Hatteberg had an accident during spring training with the Boston Red Sox and ruptured a nerve in his throwing elbow, and it basically meant he couldn't feel his hand. He had to relearn how to throw the baseball. He was finished from that moment on as a catcher because you have to be able to throw as a catcher. And the Red Sox then tossed him on the scrap heap. They had no sense that he was valuable as a hitter.

Well, Scott Hatteberg ends up becoming a free agent, and no one wants him. I mean, it was actually extraordinary. He becomes a free agent, I think, it's two days before Christmas, at midnight, and at 12:01, Paul DePodesta, the assistant GM of the Oakland A's is on the phone to his agent saying, we've got to have this guy.”

In his account of the life of Herman the Cripple, Cyril Martindale notes the incredible value of a man who was also regarded as worthless by the world:

“His parents sent him away to a monastery where, at the age of 30, he became a monk and where, little by little, that mind believed to be as sclerotic as his body proved to have an extraordinary capacity for expansion. Bertold, his biographer and disciple, began his account of Hermann’s life by saying that he was as ‘expansive’ in mind as he was contracted in body” (qtd in Why the Church? 220).

A Broadening of Reason

Reason travels many roads in its exploration of reality which seems ever greater than our efforts. We are so accustomed to thinking of success as the measure for everything that an effort to measure something broader than success is confused with subjectivity. The other thing that astonishes me a bit is that as soon as the shift is made from success to merit, then the hidden value of people starts to emerge.

The Challenge of Tradition, or What Does Christ Have to Do with Angry Birds?

2011-10-01T10:27:00.001-05:00

At the Studeo blog, there was a challenging quote from Benedict XVI about tradition:

"Being Christian must not become a sort of archaic stratum to which I cling somehow and on which I live to a certain extent alongside of modernity. Christianity is itself something living, something modern, which thoroughly shapes and forms all of my modernity – and in this sense actually embraces it."

Angry Birds - Rovio

A temptation in contemporary life is to think of Christianity as related to church buildings, theology, rituals, charitable works, morality — and not so much related to work, sports, vacation, and all the dimensions of life. Instead, Benedict insists that a living Christian tradition embraces every aspect of life — giving it a new form. If we compare ourselves with Dante, we can see what the Pope means. For Dante, Christian tradition has to do with everything: love, economics (inflation, usury), politics, family life, poetry.

I've been impressed by how Catholic Youth Organization (CYO) sports are distinctly different from sports everywhere else: the emphasis on merit over success (which always includes luck, or fortune), the value of cross training, the improvement of particular skills, and even traveling to different parishes for games - an experience that educates us that the Church is more than the parish.

And even in computer games, this formative influence of Christ does not abandon us (a difference here is that games are determined more by the common mentality of success, fortune, fame, power). But if we pay attention, we will notice Christ's formative work even here. The games themselves include a certain mimesis of reality: rules of physics, the resistance that reality offers to our efforts, the certainty that the world makes sense. For me, sometimes playing a game like Angry Birds is an escape from reality, a consoling success in a complicated world, a self-imposed zombification. But, the game also reminds me that although I'm not lord of the world, the world is knowable and receptive to my efforts. And when I get bored of the game, it reminds me that even the world itself is not enough for me — only the Heart of the World can satisfy me.

2011-09-19T23:41:00.000-05:00

‎"They had him in common, and that was why they were happy. It was impossible to think of him as away as to think of a rose without color or scent" (The Spear by Louis De Wohl, 243).

Street Sweeper Tine!

2011-09-15T16:50:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, some guys wound these up (rusty spring steel) and made what they called "stingers" to unleash on the unwary (gives new meaning to the phrase tetanus shot!).

This blogger has spotted them also. Took me many years to figure out what they are - I asked someone today who knew that it was a spring steel tine, and that was the break in the case I needeed.

Some Historical Resources on Law and Ethics

2011-09-14T10:51:00.000-05:00

A couple of reviews of medieval roots of law and ethics by Marc DeGirolami.

It Never Feels Wrong: The Vanishing Moral Dilemma. A review of Moral Dilemmas in Medieval Thought: from Gratian to Aquinas by M.V. Dougherty

A Useful Book for Professional Responsibility Teachers. A review of The Medieval Origins of the Legal Profession: Canonists, Civilians, and Courts by James Brundage.

My Fickle Heart

2011-09-13T10:57:00.002-05:00

How do I know when I'm chasing idols— images of my own making? Mostly, when I mythologize my past, rewrite my life history, 'reinvent' myself. For example, you know, I always did want to be a [fill in the blank], but this and that got in the way. Mythologizing the past and future, and looking upon circumstances with a cynical eye. Fortunately, I didn't arrive here and now by inventing myself, but by receiving my destiny as a gift. Reinventing myself is reducing myself according to the calculations of power, trimming off the rough edges of history and desire which hinder me from being an effective cog in the factory.

The Gospel of John

2011-09-07T22:59:00.000-05:00

"No one can grasp its meaning who has not lain on Jesus' breast and [like John] also received Mary from Jesus as one's own mother" (Origen: Spirit and Fire, 107). ##

Origen on Scripture

2011-09-06T23:06:00.002-05:00

"The more we read on, the higher rises the mountain of mysteries. And as someone who sets out to sea in a small boat is less afraid as long as the land is near, but when he has gradually moved out into the deep and the waves get bigger, and he begins to be tossed up on the crests and plunged down into the troughs, then indeed is he seized with fear and terror for entrusting such a slender craft to such great waves; the same seems to happen to us who, with little merit and slight talent, dare to enter into so vast a sea of mysteries.... For everything that happens happens in mysteries" (Origen: Spirit and Fire, 90).

The Seed of Faith in Jesus Christ

2011-09-05T13:14:00.001-05:00

Tamarisk Flowers

"Faith in Jesus Christ; the great grace is the certainty of faith, that is like the tamarisk seed, one of the most beautiful plants there is. The tamarisk seed is small, a small seed that gets confused with the earth; with time it develops, it develops and out comes a large plant with that beautiful long hair, all rimmed with pearls that are little flowers, that at the least breath of wind move like one who blows the long hair of a girl. The great grace from which hope is born is the certainty of faith; the certainty of faith is the seed of the certainty of hope. The small seed that's planted today will only begin to come out in September of the coming year and only after four or five years does it begin to delineate itself as a little plant with those gentle and strange characteristics."

~ Luigi Giussani, Is It Possible to Live This Way, Vol. 2: Hope, 12

Several weeks back, I was walking near my work when I noticed the building I worked in ten years ago. In the intervening years, I've worked in some diverse locations, but this year I'm back in the same place. I saw the glassed in conference rooms of the top room where I watched the footage of the airplanes hitting the Twin Towers. I had been successful and well liked in my job (selling trade advertising to shippers of produce), but I had discovered that the advertising that I was selling was in a downward spiral due to consolidation in the industry. So, about a month later, in October, I left a letter on my boss's desk and walked out. I've always regretted this sudden abdication, especially when I've found in every position inherent deceits, and innate tendencies toward corruption and decay.

A year later, in September 2002, I was temping in offices and call centers. The job I had left for ended up paying very poorly with very long hours. I saw an announcement in the diocesan paper that Msgr. Lorenzo Albacete would be speaking at Benedictine College and Missouri Western University. I recognized Albacete as someone who had been published in Communio journal (something I read because of my long interest in Hans Urs von Balthasar). I met as if for the first time some people that I had run into before, in New York and in the DC area: Communion and Liberation. I mainly remember Riro singing "and so George Washington, I found the liberty that Abraham Lincoln could not have given me." Who could know what could blossom from such a small seed, easily confused with a piece of dirt?

Nine years later, here I am again, work is as tenuous as ever, but I'm learning to trust the unknown as a companion instead of adhering only to the apparently stable: "only after four or five years does it begin to delineate itself as a little plant with those gentle and strange characteristics." When I sold advertising to produce growers, my boss told me to never give up on the fruit tree shippers. He said that with the long time it takes to grow a tree and the lingering impact of losing trees in a given year, they tended to be more loyal and have better memories than the growers of potatoes or berries. My memory and loyalty is growing, and my taproot is thirstier than ever.

* * *

For a parable about the risks of enhancements to legacy systems, you may wish to read the story of tamarisks in America: A bug, a bush and a bird: The tamarisk controversy.

An Earthquake of Memory

2011-09-04T09:25:00.000-05:00

Madonnas of Abruzzo, Italy

Looking at Jesus with his Mother's Eyes

2011-09-02T17:47:00.000-05:00

"While Dabrowski had imagined earlier that the Pope was just praying the rosary like an old lady, instead he learned during this period to look at Jesus with his mother’s eyes and his mother’s heart and that she could lead him to become closer to her son. Dabrowski credited Pope John Paul II for helping him to survive these years by teaching him to pray."

RIMINI MEETING/ Dabrowski: Learning to Pray in Prison

Do Not Depend on the Works of Man

2011-09-02T13:43:00.001-05:00

On Tuesday I received some news that demonstrated to me that I depend, and I was tempted numb my senses with food. Instead, I realized that I needed to beg for life from the One who has power to deliver it. I took my rosary and my speedometer (Runtastic on my phone), and headed to the park. Tuesday: Sorrowful Mysteries. As I rounded the little lake, I passed a couple of women — one of whom announced "The Bible says clearly do not depend on the works of man." And then she repeated it. Presumably this comment was directed at my rosary, but the real tension of my being was in my legs and in my heart, begging for the Mystery who loves to the point of giving over His Son into our sinful and violent hands. I wonder sometimes at the imagination behind such a reaction. Does the speaker presume that God owes a beggar anything? Is it possible that man's desire could stifle the infinite God, as if God is put off by desire for Him? Does the immensity of grace demand that we give ourselves over to passivity and sloth? I do not think so. It is only right for the one who has been saved by grace to strain so as to be worthy of that grace — knowing that only grace makes this possible. Knowing that the battle is not completely won here below.

A curious thing has happened, however. The words spoken have remained with me, like the phrase of a song on the radio. Do not depend on the works of man. This refrain along with the Psalm which rebounded to me on Sunday, before this week began: "It is vain for you to rise early and put off your rest at night,To eat bread earned by hard toil— all this God gives to his beloved in sleep" (Psalm 127).

Only the event of Christ can save me. As Julián Carrón has reminded us (SE2011, 38):

"It was necessary for the Mystery to become our life companion so that a fulfilled experience of freedom would enter into the world. Only when the Mystery, like the beloved, unveils his face and attracts me entirely, magnetizes me, can I have the clarity and the affective energy to adhere, that is, to engage all my freedom."

Veni Sancte Spiritus, Veni per Mariam! Come Holy Spirit, who always makes the invisible works of God manifest in history.

Two Great Gifts: Instinct and Awareness

2011-08-31T03:59:00.031-05:00

"Ordering one's instinct towards the goal (which is to say, the whole) is the fundamental gift of self to the whole, the so-called 'duty,' whose essence, then, cannot be but love, which is self-surrender. […] But giving oneself is not human unless it is to a person. Loving is only human if one loves a person…"

At the Origin of the Christian Claim, 94

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