Funny Quotes | Cool Funny Quotes | Short Funny Quotes | Sayings

Funny Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 14:54:00 +0000

Welcome to Best Funny Quotes, your online source for the Funniest Quotes online. Here you will find Cool Funny Quotes, Short Funny Quotes and different categories of funny quotes like Funny Birthday Quote, Funny Divorce Quotes, Funny Wedding Quotes, Funny Women Quotes, Funny Love Quotes, Funny Christmas Quotes and Lots more.

Some Short Funny Quotes for you:

" Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives."

"It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats."

"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening,but this wasn't it."

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"I really didn't say everything I said."

" If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment."

"It's deja-vu all over again."

"If you ask me a question I don't know, I'm not going to answer."

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."

"It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living."

"The only reason I need these gloves is 'cause of my hands."

"You can't think and hit at the same time."

"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."

"If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping."

"All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something. "

"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"Ham radio operators do it with greater frequency."

"LAWYERS - CRIMINALS I FORGET THE DIFFERENCE"

"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."

"Well, at least the war on the environment is going well."

"Jesus loves me, this I know - that is why I don't drive slow!"

"IF THE SCREAMS FROM MY TRUNK BOTHER YOU TURN UP YOUR RADIO"

"Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool."

"A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after. "

"Love Thy neighbors but don't get caught"

"I'M NOT TAILGATING I'M KISSING ASS"

"Ice cream is not sexy. It's not wiggly and jiggly."

"My feminine side is lesbian."

"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason"

"Without geometry, life is pointless."

"You Look Like I Need Another Drink"

"Work, yeah I tried that once. Worst 7 minutes of my life."

" If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."

" Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."

"Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?"

Funny Children Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 20:23:00 +0000

These are some Funny Quotes about Children. Enjoy

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often.
~Author Unknown

Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
~D. Haim Ginott

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
~Rita Rudner

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up.
~Christopher Morley

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
~Harry S Truman

When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.
~Henry Fielding

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework
~Bill Cosby

A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer.
~Author Unknown

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.
~Bill Cosby quotes

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.
~Pablo Picasso

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
~John Wilmot

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
~Clarence Darrow

Children sweeten labours, but they make misfortunes more bitter.
~ Sir. Francis Bacon

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
~Samuel Butler

Parents like the idea of kids, they just don't like their kids.
~Morley Safer

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, employ someone, or forbid your children to do it.
~Monta Crane

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man.
~Rabindranath Tagore

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
~Groucho Marx

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.
~Franklin P. Jones

A child is a curly dimpled lunatic.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.
~Henry Fielding

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
~Dick Cavett

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.
~Edgar W. Howe

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
~ Phyllis Diller

Old men can make war, but it is children who will make history.
ray Merritt

Funny 21st Birthday Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 00:11:00 +0000

Turning 21 is quite a point in life when you are no longer a teenager, and have started being an adult somehow. You already voted for 3 years now, and you can drink in any pub in the world, well almost. You have already lost your virginity and if you haven't god help the girls. So the 21st birthday is a big occasion for most of us. It is the age when we enter college, or start companies. It is the age when we become Man from being a Boy, and we celebrate it as if there are no tomorrow. These are some funny quotes on 21st birthday...

Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15.
~ Anonymous

There is still no cure for the common birthday.
~John Glenn

May you live all the days of your life.
~ Jonathan Swift

Real birthdays are not annual affairs. Real birthdays are the days when we have a new birth
~Ralph Parlette

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.
~ Unknown

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.
~Tom Wilson

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
~ Unknown

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
~ Robert Orben

May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.
~Frank Sinatra

You were born an original. Don't die a copy.
~ John Mason

When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he is rather tired of something in himself.
~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment.
~ Benjamin Franklin

And for those not willing to age more than 20, here goes my favorite..
"I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity."

Funny Christmas Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 00:56:00 +0000

SOme funny christmas quotes as the Christmas is only a couple months away..

Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts.
~Max Lucado

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
~Bernard Manning

There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.
~W. J. Cameron

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
~Anonymous

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
~Shirley Temple

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.
~Carol Nelson

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
~Erma Bombeck

Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year's gifts. ~Anonymous

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
~Unknown

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
~Anonymous

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.
~Janice Maeditere

Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve. Yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age. ~Carrie Latet

A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world!
~ Charles Dickens

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
~Larry Wilde

People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
~Ogden Nash

Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity
~ Don Cupitt

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
~W. C. Fields

Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.
~ Gary Allan

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.
~ Henry Youngman

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
~ Shirley Temple

I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.
~Harlan Miller

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
~Frank McKinney Hubbard

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
~Johnny Carson

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.
~Mary Ellen Chase

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
~Victor Borge

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
~Bernard Manning

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
~Katharine Whitehorn

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
~Victor Borge

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
~Phyllis Diller

Funny Boredom Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 00:28:00 +0000

These are some funny quotes about boredom.

Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need
~Voltaire

Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.
~Al Boliska

Life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom
~Arthur Schopenhauer

Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.
~Thomas Szasz

When people are bored, it is primarily with their own selves that they are bored.
~Eric Hoffer

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom
~ Dave Barry

Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
~Ambrose Bierce quotes

I've got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom.
~Thomas Carlyle

Even boredom has its crises.
~Mason Cooley

Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore.
~Jean Baudrillard

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
~Evelyn Waugh

In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.
~ Richard Bach

Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do
~Unknown

I fell asleep reading a dull book and dreamed I kept on reading, so I awoke from sheer boredom.
~Heinrich Heine

For all the boredom the straight life brings, it's not too bad.
~Gus Van Sant

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
~Dorothy Parker

You'll find boredom where there is the absence of a good idea
~ Earl Nightingale

In marketing you must choose between boredom, shouting and seduction. Which do you want?
~Roy H. Williams

Love fed fat soon turns to boredom
~ Ovid

It seems that boredom is one of the greatest discoveries of our time. If so, there's no question but that he must be considered a pioneer.
~Luchino Visconti

One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom.
~ Muriel Spark

Jump out the window if you are the object of passion. Flee it if you feel it. Passion goes, boredom remains.
~ Coco Chanel

Discussing how old you are is the temple of boredom.
~ Ruth Gordon

The biggest bore is the person who is bored by everyone and everything.
~ Frank Tyger

Funny Tax Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 00:45:00 +0000

These are some funny quotes about Taxes and taxation like income tax and IRS

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidise it
~ Ronald Reagan

Nothing hurts more than having to pay an income tax, unless it is not having to pay an income tax.
~ Thomas Robert Dewar

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the Income Tax. The second hardest is inheritance Tax.
~ Albert Einstein

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.
~ F. J. Raymond

People who complain about paying their income tax can be divided into two types: men and women.
~ anonymous

A tax loophole is "something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.'
~Russell B. Long

The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government.
~Barry Goldwater

Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids.
~Harvey Mackay

What's the difference between a tax auditor and a rottweiler? A rottweiler eventually lets go.
~ anonymous

A democratic government is the only one in which those who vote for a tax can escape the obligation to pay it.
~Alexis de Tocqueville

I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.
~Douglas Adams

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.
~Bill Vaughan

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
~Chris Rock

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
~Arthur C. Clarke

We do not commonly see in a tax a diminution of freedom, and yet it clearly is one.
~Herbert Spencer

The current tax code is a daily mugging
~ Ronald Reagan

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin
~ Mark Twain

Real charity doesn't care if it's tax-deductible or not.
~ Dan Bennett

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle
~ Winston Churchill

When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.
~ Plato

Funny Cat Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 19:18:00 +0000

These are some Funny Quotes About Cats

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will urinate on your computer.
~ Unknown

If animals could speak the dog would be a a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.
~ Mark Twain

I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse.
~Unknown

God made the cat in order that humankind might have the pleasure of caressing the tiger.
~ Fernand Mery

People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
~Unknown

In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.
~ English Proverb

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
~ Rodney Dangerfield

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
~ Unknown

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
~ Anonymous

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch.
~ Leo Dworken

Every dog has his day - but the nights are reserved for the cats
~ Unknown

Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties.
~ W. L. George

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
~Mark Twain

Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place.
~ Paul Gray

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
~ Garrison Keillor

If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
~ Mark Twain

The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. But he won't sit upon a cold stove lid, either.
~Mark Twain

A cat is there when you call her - if she doesn't have anything better to do
~Bill Adler

The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact.
~ P. G. Wodehouse

The cat has too much spirit to have no heart
~Ernest Menaul

The little furry buggers are just deep, deep wells you throw all your emotions into.
~Bruce Schimmel

Most beds sleep up to six cats. Ten cats without the owner.
~Anonymice

You can't own a cat. The best you can do is be partners.
~ Sir Harry Swanson

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.
~ Ellen Perry Berkeley

In the middle of a world that has always been a bit mad, the cat walks with confidence.
~Roseanne Anderson

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence. ~Will Cuppy

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.
~ Hazel Nicholson

Cats were put into the world to disprove the dogma that all things were created to serve man.
~Paul Gray

If you are worthy of its affection, a cat will be your friend but never your slave.
~Theophile Gautier

By associating with the cat one only risks becoming richer.
~ Colette

When you are looking, a cat acts like a princess, but the minute they think you are not looking, a cat acts like a fool.
~ KC Buffington

Funny Change Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 19:06:00 +0000

These are are some funny quotes about Changes.
There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction
~Winston Churchill

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.
~ Robert C. Gallagher

Never swap horses crossing a stream
~ American Proverb

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
~Ellen Glasgow

Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene.
~ Arthur Christopher Benson

If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change.
~John A. Simone, Sr.

Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.
~ John Dewey

Change is the only evidence of life.
~ Evelyn Waugh

In a moving world readaptation is the price of longevity.
~ George Santayana

On the human chessboard, all moves are possible.
~ Miriam Schiff

People don't resist change. They resist being changed!
~Peter Senge

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
~George Carlin

If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
~Woodrow Wilson

People change and forget to tell each other.
~ Lillian Hellman

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
~ Carl Rogers

I'll go anywhere as long as it's forward.
~David Livingstone

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him.
~Dwight D. Eisenhower

All things must change To something new, to something strange.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.
~Dean Acheson

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.
~Confucius

Funny Love Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 15:11:00 +0000

Here are some funny love quotes that you could use to poke fun of your best friends who just ditched a best friend for a lover. :)

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
~ Agatha Christie

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
~ Groucho Marx

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
~ Oscar Wilde

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.
~ Gracie Allen

Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else.
~George Bernard Shaw

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
~ Anonymous

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
~ Mae West

All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
~ Shelley Winters

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
~ Henry Kissinger

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
~ Bette Midler

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
~ Steve Martin

When we got married I told my wife "If you leave me, I'm going with you.
And she never did.
~ James Fineous McBride

The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
~Anonymous

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
~ W. Somerset Maugham

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
~ Joan Crawford

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
~Cathy Carlyle

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
~ Joan Rivers

Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely.
~ Basta

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
~ Cher

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
~ Joyce Brothers

True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.
~ La Rochefoucauld

I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands.
~ Dudley Moore

The only people who make love all the time are liars.
~ Louis Jordan

It is impossible to love and be wise.
~ Francis Bacon

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.
~ Marcelene Cox

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
~ Fulton J. Sheen

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
~ George Carlin

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred
~Unknown

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
~Josh Billings

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
~ Anonymous

Emo Love Quotes and sad sayings

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 16:45:00 +0000

Here are some emo love quotes which are sick and about dying for love mostly. EMo knows no pain of the body because they are so hurt in the heart and they are so in sad love and these emo love quotes sing out to all the sad emo souls out there.
"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else in return."

"How long do i have to feel like this? it hurts so bad"

"Sometimes if you love someone so much, it will actually hurt more."

"Don't say you love me unless you really mean it, cause I might do something crazy like believe it."

"Why am depressed? Why do I like being alone? Because of all the pain you put me through"

"i hAtE thAt i lOvE yOu.. b’coz u gAvE mE too mUch hUrt anD missEry"

"And If I die, Maybe then you would notice me"

"You said you loved me,
I can’t believe i thought It was true,
my hear was ripped apart && i wish i was dying,"

I cry for the time that you were almost mine, I cry for the memories I've left behind, I cry for the pain, the lost, the old the new, I cry for the times I thought I had you

"It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does."

"Just live and breathe
And try not to die again."

This is of of te best cool emo quotes
"I love you I still hate you"

"If god loves me so much why did he leave me alone in the dark with nothing but a razor blade"

"Love is so hard, so painful.
but still it becomes beautiful.
you are my heart, my dream.
rip my heart out, and I’ll scream."

Emo Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 16:41:00 +0000

Here are some Emo quotes and sayings left by some of my EMO friends. If you don't know what Emo is, then perhaps you should view the other pages. Because the first rule of Emo, is they don't talk about it sOb * Sob * soB *

"What’s the point in eating when you just end up crapping it all out anyway?"

"screaming Is Music To My Ears,And Blood Is Like Candy… It’s So Sweet To Look At"

"The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil."

"Honesty is a Talent, Truth is a cure for Ignorance"

"Why do we need to sleep While we can stay awake, I can better sleep When i wanna Die so When i close my eyes It will stay Closed.."

"I’ve never felt I’ve been valued by anyone. I’m just a waste of space that everyone ignores, like a ghost without a home."

"Life can be sick, or sickening."

"The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom."

"If i promise not to kill you can i have a hug"

From a true Emo:
"If you feel that you wanna die,
because your bf’/gf is fooling you…
maybe you can be considered one of us"

"i Don't Cut For Attention, I Cut iN Hope That Maybe By CausiNg Physical PaiN May Stop My EmotiOnal PaiN. iiF ii Wanted attentiOn i Would Do SomthiNg iNsane To AnoTher Person Not To Myself. Whats More i Really Couldnt Care Less How People Look At Me. LiFes ShiT Soo Wtf iS The PoiNt iN TryiNg To iMpress People. i M Proud of My Uniqueness!"

"Never say never for always and forever"

This is my favorite emo quote.
"What is death but an escape from this world?
What is love but something to cause you pain?"

"I want to die but I can’t think of a way to end it all that involves cotton wool. I’m terrified of blades."

"I will rather die if I could, If only I could."

"There is such beauty in despair" We have some emo love quotes here.

Funny Abortion Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:12:00 +0000

Republicans are against abortion until their daughters need one, Democrats are for abortion until their daughter wants one. ~Grace McGarvie

I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born.
~Ronald Reagan

“Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.”
~Ronald Reagan

A vast abortion industry, generating some half a billion dollars annually, sprang into existence in the wake of Roe and Doe.
~Robert Casey

George W. Bush will protect your unborn fetus, then send your grown child to die in war. ~Rick Claro

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. ~Florynce R. Kennedy, 1973

No woman wants an abortion. Either she wants a child or she wishes to avoid pregnancy. ~Author Unknown

If they are opposed to abortion, they should be for preventing unintended pregnancies.
Louise Slaughter

The biggest obstacle was mixing abortion with overpopulation. These are two things that have nothing to do with each other.
Jacques Yves Cousteau

The FDA is redefining birth control as abortion. The FDA is setting the bar higher for this kind of drug.
Patty Murray

Belief Quotes and Sayings

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:52:00 +0000

Some quotes and sayings on Belief and faith in self.

Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.
~Charles F. Kettering

For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.
~Stuart Chase

You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can't have it.
~Dr. Robert Anthony

Any belief worth having must survive doubt
~Unknown

I love an opposition that has convictions.
~ Frederick the Great

Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
~Lewis Carroll

The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

What matters is not the idea a man holds, but the depth at which he holds it.
~Ezra Pound

If you feel inferior to someone else, it is because of your own beliefs.
~Catherine Pulsifer

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
~Jim Valvano

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
~Seneca

Some things have to be believed to be seen.
~Ralph Hodgson

Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never the correctness, of a belief.
~Arthur Schweitze

Not believing has a sickness which is believing a little.
~Antonio Porchia

A conservative believes nothing should be done for the first time.
~ Lynwood L. Giacomini

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
~George Carlin

Funny Birthday Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:16:00 +0000

The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything.
~Oscar Wilde

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
~Sam Ewing

We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it
~Author Unknown

The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
~Lucille Ball

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
~Maurice Chevalie

No wonder I'm unhappy - My twin forgot my birthday.
~Jerry Dennis

No wise man ever wished to be younger.
~Jonathan Swift

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
~George Bernard Shaw

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
~Don Marquis

There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
And it comes every year like clockwork.

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
~Charles Schulz
SO its no point worrying and you should take as much as you can while you have it.

One starts to get young at the age of sixty and then it is too late.
~ Pablo Picasso

You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience.
~Author Unknown

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
~Robert Frost

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
~Jennifer Yane

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
~ Robert Frost

Life is too short to be small.
~Benjamin Disraeli

I never forget my wife's birthday. It's usually the day after she reminds me about it.
~Unknown

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
~Bob Hope

At age 50, everyone has the face he deserves.
~ George Orwell

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.
~Pope Paul VI

May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.
~Frank Sinatra

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
~ C.E.M. Joad

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
~Bernard Baruch

The more things change, the more they remain the same.
~Alphonse Karr

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
~Larry Lorenzoni

Behaviour Quotes and Sayings

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 16:21:00 +0000

Some funny quotes on human behaviour:

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
~Francis Beaumont

With a gentleman I am always a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I try to be a fraud and a half.
~Otto Von Bismarck

To know what people really think, pay regard to what they do, rather than what they say.
~ Rene Descartes

Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Many things--such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly--are done worst when we try hardest to do them.
~ C.S. Lewis

Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behavior is measured with a feminine ruler.
~ Francesca M. Cancian

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
~Peter Ustinov

Act the way you'd like to be and soon you'll be the way you act.
~George W. Crane

What you do not want others to do to you, do not do to others.
~Confucius

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
~Eleanor Roosevelt

It's all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.
~Dr. Rob Gilbert

Eccentric behavior is not routinely noticed around a movie set.
~Gene Tierney

Perfect behaviour is born of complete indifference.
~Cesare Pavese

We are all serving a life sentence, and good behavior is our only hope for a pardon.
~Doug Horton

I've been trying to avoid goal-oriented behavior.
~Laurie Anderson

Spry is not a look, spry is behavior.
~Robert Culp

The wolf changes his coat, but not his disposition.
~Proverb

With animal behavior, they're all fine until you introduce some rogue element into the cage, and then they go crazy.
~Jeanette Winterson

Beauty Quotes and Sayings

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:19:00 +0000

Some Beauty Quotes and Sayings

Beauty is the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
~Ambrose Bierce

Personal beauty is a better introduction than any letter;
~Diogenes Laertius

Everything beautiful has its moment and then passes away.
~Luis Cernuda

Beauty when most unclothed is clothed best.
~Sicelides

When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.
~Chinese proverb

Beauty is the bait which with delight allures man to enlarge his kind.
~Edmund Spenser.. slightly funny beauty quote :)

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Champagne is the only wine a woman can drink and still remain beautiful.
~Mme. de Pompadour

Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.
~Charles Readde

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got.
~Sophia Loren

Beauty is only skin deep, but it's a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense.
~Kin Hubbard

Beauty in the flesh will continue to rule the world.
~Florenz Ziegfeld

A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful.
~Karl Kraus

Plainness has its peculiar temptations quite as much as beauty.
~George Eliot

Beauty comes in all sizes, not just size 5.
~Roseanne

The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw.
~Havelock Ellis

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
~Jean Kerr

A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.
~Helen Rowland

Truth is beautiful within and without, forevermore.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman, any woman, with beautiful legs.
~Marlene Dietrich

Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
~Kahlil Gibran

Add your own beauty quotes

Basketball Quotes and Sayings

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 13:44:00 +0000

Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious.
~ Charles Shackleford

The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play "Drop the Handkerchief.
~ James Naismith

A tough day at the office is even tougher when your OFFICE contains spectator seating.
~ Nik Posa

The only important shot you take is the next one. Because no matter how hard you try, that is the only one you can still have an effect on!
~ Jason Bumblis

On a player passing up an open shot: "You miss 100% of the shots that you don't take" ~Joe Ledbetter,Favorite Basketball Quotes #3

You don't play against opponents, you play against the game of basketball.
~Bobby Knight

Basketball is like photography, if you don't focus, all you have is the negative.
~ Dan Frisby

Basketball is the MTV of sports.
~Sara Levinson

I liked the choreography, but I didn't care for the costumes.
~Tommy Tune

I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.
~Dave Barry

The rule was "No autopsy, no foul.
~Stewart Granger

Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up.
~Bill Vaughn

This is the second most exciting indoor sport, and the other one shouldn't have spectators.
~Dick Vertleib

If you are going to take it to the bank, then you better cash it in.
~ Shannon Fish

Our centers spread the floor, shoot the three and block shots. We can play pick and pop.
~ Steve Nash

My best move is probably my pull up jump shot.
~ Steve Nash

These Liberty girls, they don't have sex, but you can always play in the mud!!
~John Swickrath

Just remember, their fans think their players are supermen. Well we're the kryptonite, and we're gonna win.
~Jim Larranaga

Not only is there more to life than basketball, there's a lot more to basketball than basketball.
~Phil Jackson

If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.
~Charles Barkley

I'm the basketball version of a gravedigger.
~ Dennis Rodman

My biggest win was getting the meal money bumped from $5 to $7.
~Bob Cousy

Our offense is like the pythagorean theorem: There is no answer!
~ Shaquille O'Neal

People are threatened by me. Rich white, rich blacks, it doesn't matter.
~Dennis Rodman

People say that, but I think the NBA was bigger than Larry Bird and Magic Johnson.
~ Oscar Robertson

People still cheat on their wives, that hasn't fallen out of fashion. We all speak of it badly, but it has not fallen out of fashion.
~ Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors.
~ Weldon Drew

Baseball Quotes and Sayings

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:28:00 +0000

Some of the funniest baseball quotes.

I've come to the conclusion that the two most important things in life are good friends and a good bullpen. ~Bob Lemon, 1981

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? ~Jim Bouton, 1988

Baseball is a fun game. It beats working for a living. ~Phil Linz

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings. ~Earl Wilson

A hot dog at the ballgame beats roast beef at the Ritz. ~Humphrey Bogart

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer. ~Ted Williams

I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile. ~Tom Clark

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. ~Dave Barry

People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring. ~Rogers Hornsby

Baseball was made for kids, and grown-ups only screw it up. ~Bob Lemon

When they start the game, they don't yell, "Work ball." They say, "Play ball." ~Willie Stargell, 1981

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997

I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it. ~Rogers Hornsby

This is a game to be savored, not gulped. There's time to discuss everything between pitches or between innings. ~Bill Veeck
A baseball park is the one place where a man's wife doesn't mind his getting excited over somebody else's curves. ~Brendan Francis

It ain't like football. You can't make up no trick plays. ~Yogi Berra

Awards mean a lot, but they don't say it all. The people in baseball mean more to me than statistics.
~ Ernie Banks

Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. ~George F. Will, Men at Work: The Craft of Baseball, 1990

I became a good pitcher when I stopped trying to make them miss the ball and started trying to make them hit it. ~Sandy Koufax

Hitting is timing. Pitching is upsetting timing. ~Warren Spahn
Why does everybody stand up and sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when they're already there?
~Larry Anderson

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.
~ George Bernard

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.
~ Mary McGrory

Baseball would be a better game if more third basemen got hit in the mouth by line drivers.
~ Dan Jenkins

A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time. ~William C. Feather

Don't forget to swing hard, in case you hit the ball.
~Woodie Held

Baby Quotes Baby Sayings

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:01:00 +0000

Some Funny baby quotes and sayings..

Babies are such a nice way to start people. ~Don Herrold

A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase. ~Author Unknown

The joy of having a baby today can only be expressed in two words: tax deduction.
Anonymous

A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
~Ronald Knox

Since people are going to be living longer and getting older, they'll just have to learn how to be babies longer.
~Andy Warhol

Families with babies and families without are so sorry for each other.
~ Ed Howe

Promises are like crying babies in a theater, they should be carried out at once.
~Norman Vincent Peale

Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that mine are new advertising campaigns.î
~ David Ogilvy

No one likes change but babies in diapers.
~Barbara Johnson

I didn't know how babies were made until I was pregnant with my fourth child.
~Loretta Lynn

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
~Jerry Seinfeld

My mother says I didn't open my eyes for eight days after I was born, but when I did, the first thing I saw was an engagement ring. I was hooked.
~Elizabeth Taylor

If men had to have babies, they would only ever have one each.
~Princess Diana

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.
~ Jean Kerr

If you put a baseball and other toys in front of a baby, he'll pick up a baseball in preference to the others.
~Tris Speaker

I feel sure that unborn babies pick their parents.
~Gloria Swanson

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'.
~Stephen Wright

Babies act out when they're hungry, cold, tired. They do this for survival.
~Marilu Henner

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.
~Douglas Feaver

Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.
Marshall McLuhan

Attitude Quotes and Sayings

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:48:00 +0000

These are some funny attitude quotes. Hope you will have a good laugh. All these are T Shirt certified. You can wear them on your Tees show your attitude.

Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching? ~Dennis and Wendy Mannering

If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one. ~Cavett Robert

The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. ~Foster's Law

Be enthusiastic. Remember the placebo effect - 30% of medicine is showbiz. ~Ronald Spark

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. ~Italian Proverb
The world is full of cactus, but we don't have to sit on it. ~Will Foley
Misery is a communicable disease. ~Martha Graham
The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as when you go looking for your joy. ~Eudora Welty

Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think it's looks, most women know otherwise. ~Kathleen Turner

There's a saying among prospectors: "Go out looking for one thing, and that's all you'll ever find." ~Robert Flaherty
I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else. ~Winston Churchill
Whenever you fall, pick something up. ~Oswald Avery
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. ~Robert Frost
There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes. ~William J. Bennett, The Book of Virtues
I don't like that man. I must get to know him better. ~Abraham Lincoln

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. ~Vince Lombardi

Just because you're miserable doesn't mean you can't enjoy your life. ~Annette Goodheart

I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow. ~Abraham Lincoln

If you have the will to win, you have achieved half your success; if you don't, you have achieved half your failure. ~David Ambrose

If the skies fall, one may hope to catch larks. ~Francis Rabelais

Reach for the stars, even if you have to stand on a cactus. ~Susan Longacre

Swallow a toad in the morning and you will encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day. ~Nicholas Chamfort

You cannot be healthy; you cannot be happy; you cannot be prosperous; if you have a bad disposition.
~Emmet Fox

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
~Herm Albright

"If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right. "
~ Mary Kay Ash

"When written in Chinese, the word crisis is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity."
~ John F. Kennedy

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him. ~Galileo Galilei

Astrology Quotes and sayings

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 12:37:00 +0000

Some Funny Astrology Quotes.

Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies. ~Edward Abbey

I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.
~Noel Coward

We need not feel ashamed of flirting with the zodiac. The zodiac is well worth flirting with. ~D.H. Lawrence

Astronomy to the selfish becomes astrology. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Before a war military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology.
Rebecca West

I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical. ~Arthur C. Clarke

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
~John Kenneth Galbraith

Hillary [Clinton] and Nancy [Reagan] have a lot in common -- they're both smarter than their husbands and both consulted the stars for guidance, Nancy with astrology and Hillary with Barbra Streisand.
~Bill Maher

If the people were a little more ignorant, astrology would flourish... ~Robert G. Ingersoll

Astrology is just a finger pointing at reality. ~Steven Forrest

Superstition is to religion what astrology is to astronomy: the mad daughter of a wise mother
~Voltaire

The celestial bodies are the cause of all that takes place in the sublunar world. ~Thomas Aquinas

Action Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:45:00 +0000

Some Funny Action Quotes.
Between saying and doing many a pair of shoes is worn out.
~Italian Proverb

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
~Mark Twain

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems.
~Mohandas K. Gandhi

After all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done.
~Author Unknown

Good thoughts are no better than good dreams, unless they be executed.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied.
~Arnold Glasow

I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
~Thomas Jefferson

A barking dog is often more useful than a sleeping lion.
~Washington Irving

Take it easy -- but take it.
~Woody Guthrie

Action is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.
~Oscar Wilde

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

If ifs were gifts, every day would be Christmas.
~Charles Barkley

"When it comes to getting things done, we need fewer architects and more bricklayers."
~ Colleen C. Barrett

If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
~Henry J. Kaiser

We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others, by their acts.
~Harold Nicolson

He that waits upon fortune is never sure of a dinner.
~Benjamin Franklin

Action will remove the doubts that theory cannot solve.
~Tehyi Hsieh

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought.
~ Laurence J. Peter

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. ~ Mark Twain

"The shortest answer is doing."
~Lord Herbert

Words should be used as tools of communication and not as a substitute for action. ~Unknown

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
~Elbert Hubbard

I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.
~Frederick Douglass

Age Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 16 May 2008 03:49:00 +0000

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.
~Trotsky

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw

It is so comic to hear oneself called old, even at ninety I suppose!
~Alice James

I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience.
~Author Unknown

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
~Henry David Thoreau

I want to die young at a ripe old age.
~Ashley Montagu

I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel.
~Elizabeth Arden

Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs.
~Charles Dickens

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.
~Oscar Wilde

Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.
~Benjamin Franklin

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
~Bob Hope

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
~Maurice Chevalier

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
~George Bernard Shaw

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
~Oscar Wilde

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?
~Satchel Paige

A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time.
~Oliver W. Holmes, Sr.

Funny Friendship quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:56:00 +0000

Some funny quotes on fridnship and best friends.

"The best vitamin for making friends: B1"

"You can always tell a real friend; when you've made a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job."
~Laurence Sterne

"The best things in life are never rationed. Friendship, loyalty, love, do not require coupons."

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."
~ Anon

"I got a lot of best friends. Some o' them I don't even hardly know!"
~ Archie Bunker

"It is best not to try to get the best of your best friend"

"The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away."
~Wilson Mizner

"Friendship is like money, easier made than kept."
~Samuel Butler

"A friend to all is a friend to none."
~ Aristotle

"No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend"
~Groucho Marx

"A true friend stabs you in the front."
~ Oscar Wilde

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. "
~ Bernard Meltzer

"It takes a long time to grow an old friend."
~ John Leonard

"I hate it in friends when they come too late to help."
~Euripides

"We really don't have enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us."

"You are not very good if you are not better than your best friends imagine you to be."
~Johann Kaspar Lavater

Funny Advertising Quotes

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:30:00 +0000

Here are some funny America Quotes.

When a man throws an empty cigarette package from an automobile, he is liable to a fine of $50. When a man throws a billboard across a view, he is richly rewarded. ~Pat Brown

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. ~Stephen Butler Leacock

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
~Thomas Jefferson

When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much
about having close relationships.
~Andy Warhol

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
~Lily Tomlin

Advertisers constantly invent cures to which there is no disease.
~Author Unknown

Advertisers, not governments, are the primary censors of media content in the United States today.
~C. Edwin Baker

Advertising is what you do when you can't go see somebody. That's all it is.
~Fairfax Cone

Advertising is selling Twinkies to adults.
~Donald R. Vance

You know, life is like a Mentos commercial... Pointless, and having very little to do with Mentos.
~Anonymous

I have learned that any fool can write a bad ad, but that it takes a real genius to keep his hands off a good one.
~Leo Burnett

Stopping advertising to save money is like stopping your watch to save time.
~Anonymous

Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better.
~George Santayana

I don't mind being called hooligans. Creatives are attracted to that kind of reputation.
~Nina DiSesa

The most common trouble with advertising is that it tries too hard to impress people.
~James Randolph Adams

Advertising is totally unnecessary. Unless you hope to make money.
~Jef I. Richard

The only prejudice I've found anywhere in TV is in some advertising agencies, and there isn't so much prejudice as just fear.
~Nat King Cole

Censorship is advertising paid by the government.
~Federico Fellini