The Franklin Chronicles

Blackberries and Email

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 13:30:30 +0000

During the spring and summer for the past couple of years, I have been riding my bike to work. It’s 10 miles each way and I ride about 3 times a week and it takes about 40 minutes, depending on the wind. The reason I ride 3 times and not 4 or 5 is because apparently [...]

Talented Laziness

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 16:33:59 +0000

With the notable exception of Michael Jordan, most talented people are lazy. If their work ethic matched their level of talent, well… they’d probably be like Mike. I think there’s a circular kind of dynamic that exists. People who aren’t as talented know their limitations and therefore work harder while talented people realize they’re gifted so [...]

Episode 5: Me and Lucy

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 21 May 2008 12:30:45 +0000

Taylor’s Field Trip

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 19 May 2008 12:30:54 +0000

When I arrived for the field trip, Taylor snatched the camera from my hands, dove immediately into her crowd of friends and started snapping pictures. “I don’t know Taylor.”, I said. “I think you were too close for a lot those pictures.” She rolled her eyes and continued snapping. Then, I thought the pictures she [...]

Letting Things Work

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 05 May 2008 15:00:46 +0000

This edition is simulcast in podcast form. Specially created for the visually impaired and the too-lazy-to-read impaired. I want to tell you something that was said to me recently. But as with most things, I can’t tell you what was said, straight-out. My mind tends to work like thousands of little index cards, all attached to each other [...]

Taylor, Morgan & Cherry Blossoms

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:30:33 +0000

Cherry Blossoms

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:42:30 +0000

I know its kinda blurry. It makes it more art-y. Whatever losers. (I swear, art is lost on y’all.)

Deep Thoughts

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:30:59 +0000

Here is one of my favorite quotes from the philosopher, Elwood P. Dowd. Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be…”, she always called me Elwood, “…In this world, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I [...]

Teenagers

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:08:03 +0000

My wife was talking about the adolescent stage of development. She described it as a point in life where a person is very ego-centric but fails to accept responsibility for their own actions. It is the “everything happens to me” stage in life. She used her students as an example: Student: Mrs. V., you gave me [...]

Stuff they never tell you about marriage

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 03:26:38 +0000

I am laying on the bed, staring absently at the ceiling. My wife is sitting on the edge of the bed with her laptop, Me: Tricia. Tricia: Yes. Me: I was just wondering… Tricia: Yes. Me: …If you should give me a full body massage. Tricia: Well let me tell you. That ain’t gonna happen. Me (under my breath): What the hell [...]

The Speech

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 10:30:12 +0000

I called my friend Audwin The Black Belt the morning of March 18th, the day of Barack Obama’s speech, A More Perfect Union. Me: Aud. Audwin The Black Belt: What’s up man? Me: Did you hear? Your boy is giving a speech this morning on race. ATBB: Yeah. Me: You know what this means right? ATBB: Ummmm… Me: It means were doomed!!! ATBB: [...]

Shiny New Desktops!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:00:24 +0000

Me: Hey Pop! Check out these sweet desktops I created for The Franklin Chronicles! Pop (Looking on my laptop): Uh-huh… Me: Fresh huh! Pop: Yeah… Fresh… You’re definitely going to get sued by PBS. Me: Probably. But at least I’ll go out in a glory of Sweet Freshness! Collect all 6 fresh desktop flavors! Before I get sued.

The National Anthem

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 08:01:20 +0000

I was singing The National Anthem. Loudly. Why? Because it’s the National freaking Anthem! “Please stop.” My wife said. “I have a headache and you’re singing too loudly. You’re making it worse.” “Silly wife.” I said, “Once again you’re confusing singing loudly with blowin’. I wasn’t giving you a headache because clearly, I can blow!” “No you can’t.”, [...]

The True Kingmaker

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 07:19:34 +0000

This past weekend, Ralph Nader declared he is running for the presidency. Again. You know why? Because he read my last post. I TOLD y’all I was the sh*t! Since I know you’re reading this Ralph, go ahead and drop the hell out now. You’ve made your point. I think everyone now realizes my true power. Any more [...]

Punditry-Schmunditry

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:49:06 +0000

I had to turn down the sound on CNN while I watched the returns on Super Tuesday because I can’t stand pundits. Mostly because they are annoying and dumb. The reason I know they are dumb is because I am REALLY smart. I rarely agree with anything pundits say, so ipso-facto, they are wrong. And dumb. They [...]

Yes We Can

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 18:02:15 +0000

Michelle sent me an email with a link to this video. Oh I’m sorry, you probably know her as Michelle Obama. I keep forgetting everyone isn’t on a first name basis with her, like I am. Silly me. We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics, they will only grow louder and more [...]

The Secret

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:20:55 +0000

Even though I didn’t need to get up yet, I had to. It was 5:49 AM, time for my wife to get ready for school. In fact she was running a bit late. She tapped me on the leg, motioning for me to follow her to the bathroom while she got ready. That’s sort of [...]

Look at the Time: The Triumph of Taylor

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 13:30:24 +0000

“Look at the time.” I said, pointing to the digital clock on the microwave. My nine year old daughter gave me a puzzled look. “It is now 6:51 AM.” I announced. “OK, continue.” I said. She slowly turned her attention back to what she was doing, but looked at me quizzically from the corner of [...]

Monks-They aren’t all that

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 13:30:55 +0000

I have just decided, I’m not all that impressed with monks. Like most folks, there was a time when they had my utmost respect. Oooh they are so devout. Wow they are soooo pious. Ooooh look at their…robes. Now I’m like, “Yeah. Whatever the f*ck ever.” A few weeks ago I was talking to my wife about [...]

In the cut

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 19:46:36 +0000

You: Here you are. I’ve been looking all over the net for you!!! Me: Huh…Wha?! You: What the f*ck are you doing?!! Me: Wha…I was taking a nap You: For two goddamn months?!!, what the f*ck is wrong with you?!! Me: Well there was the holidays… and then I got sleepy. You: Get your ass up and get back to work. [...]

Epsonality Goddamn!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 13:30:40 +0000

“Uh oh.” I said. This didn’t look good. The day had started out promising. It was an early Sunday Morning and no one in my house was awake. I sat in the living room, watching television and eating Cap’n Crunch™, which is strictly forbidden in my house. But like I said no one was awake yet [...]

Children of Light and Sound

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 13:30:45 +0000

“Children of light and sound.” I was repeating what my mother had just said because I liked the way it sounded. “That’s pretty. What does it mean?” My mother, who is a semi-retired high school teacher, explained, “It’s what I call your generation. You all were the first to grow up with Sesame Street and [...]

Really?

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 13:16:42 +0000

The setting is the dinner table. My daughter, Taylor is 9. My son Morgan is 7. My wife Tricia is 40. Me: Who is this Steven you were talking about? Taylor: He’s a boy at school. Morgan: Yeah. He’s a boy who acts like a girl and he snaps his fingers in people’s faces. (He continues eating.) Taylor: [...]

Adventures in Nola: Part 4- In the Trailer

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 13:30:40 +0000

Julie at the Audubon Zoo in New Orleans. We were sitting in the RV, waiting for the photo crew to set up the next shot. I was using the WiFi to check email and transcribe a story from my notebook to The Chronicles. (I know, it’s weird that I actually use a notebook. But I am [...]

Adventures in Nola: Part 3- A Small World For Colored Folks

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 22:01:00 +0000

Carmen in New Orleans “Who is this Bob you keep talking about?” I asked Heather. “Bob is my father.” She said. It was my third year in college. I met Heather Ireland in Allen Hall at The University of Illinois. “You call your father by his first name?” I asked. “Yes…” She thought for a second. [...]

Adventures in Nola: Part 2- Lomo Pictures

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 14:30:29 +0000

Adventures in Nola: Part 1

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 14:30:45 +0000

Vanessa stood small and elfish on the sidewalk. We we’re across the street from Café Du Monde in the French Quarter of New Orleans. “Before Katrina, it was right here.” She pointed up at a non-existent sign. “This used to be a Wolf Camera.” She then turned in place, looking as if she had just [...]

National Public Radio

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 14:06:26 +0000

I love National Public Radio. My wife however is not a huge fan. She’ll listen, but she thinks shows like A Prairie Home Companion are corny. She’s right of course. What NPR needs is someone like me. When I say that, I mean someone like me who is not me. I have my own plan [...]

Deep Thoughts

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 13:29:04 +0000

There’s a poster, in the production studio where I work. I’m in there quite often, sometimes several times a day to review proofs-n-such. Although I’ve seen the poster many times, I had never actually read it. It’s a mish-mosh of distressed type with images of skulls and fire, squeezed through a photoshop filter. Because of [...]

One Point

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 13:00:32 +0000

I think I’ve mentioned before that my wife is not all that impressed with me. I’m sure at one point, before we we’re married she thought I was funny. But now, after eleven years, she looks at me as if to say, “What else can you do?” I just shrug my shoulders and say, “That’s [...]

The Sh*t

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 13:30:03 +0000

Most people don’t realize that I’m The Sh*t. When they see me, I’m quite sure they make many assumptions but never are they along the lines, “I wonder if he’s The Sh*t? He looks like he might be but I can’t quite tell from this angle.” I’ve grown accustomed to it but I have to [...]

Happy Birthday to Me

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 13:00:29 +0000

Today I turned 40. And like everyone I know who turns 40, it is a time of sober reflection. So I would like to take this time to think about where my life is and compare it to where I thought I’d be at this age. At this point, I thought I’d be a world renowned [...]

Jokes

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 14:30:25 +0000

My Children and I were walking around downtown Oak Park this weekend. As we sat at lunch, they shared some jokes with me. My nine year old daughter Taylor, went first. “Papa. I bet I can make you say black.” She said between sips of chicken noodle soup. “OK, go ahead.” I said taking a [...]

Spiderman: The Next Generation

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 14:30:04 +0000

This don't make no damn sense

Chicago from the Lake

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 22:57:58 +0000

Great-granny’s 87th birthday party was on board a tour boat on Lake Michigan. The waves were hella choppy and a lot of folks got queasy. I was straight though.

Bed-Wetting Mystery

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 13:30:50 +0000

“Morgan!”, my wife called down the hall, “Are you in the bed?” “Yes!” He answered. “Get up and go to the bathroom!” She ordered. This point needed to be emphasized because, for some unknown reason, my son had begun wetting the bed again. We heard him shuffle across the hall to the bathroom and the [...]

Franklin Tees, Are Here and They’re Franklintastic!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 14:00:56 +0000

You wanted ‘em, you got ‘em! The very thing that will make your dreary life complete. And they come in 5 delicious styles, just the way Mom used to make! Available in every color of the rainbow…as long as your rainbow is white and cottony. So click on the shop link and collect ‘em all! Women's [...]

Wynton Marsalis: The Struggle Continues

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:30:01 +0000

If you’re too lazy to move your eyeballs in order to read this post, you can listen to the podcast edition. (lazy ass). Wynton Marsalis and I have been locked in an epic struggle between good and evil for the past fifteen years. It is a soul-wrenching battle that goes back and forth and often it [...]

Do the Right Thing

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 03:16:25 +0000

My friend Audwin stood calmly in the middle of the street dialing his cell phone while an older White man, towered over him screaming obscenities. “I’ll kick your f*cking ass! Ya pussy! Ya punk!” Audwin rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. He was definitely going to be late for his meeting now. “How [...]

Proving my Point

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 16:00:39 +0000

Tricia: I don’t know if I like your blog. You’ve got everyone believing I’m just an evil haint. Me: Well… Tricia: Well what? Me: (I shrug my shoulders, giving an, “if the shoe fits” kind of look) Tricia: (Smack to the back of my head!) Me: Ow! See! Tricia: Whatever b*tch.

Personality Test

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 20:31:35 +0000

“Did you get my email?”, I asked. “No.” my wife said. “Well check your email.” “No. it’s late and I don’t want to check email right now.” “C’mon. Out of all the emails I’ve sent, this is the best one EVER!” “You say every one is the best one ever.” she said plainly. [...]

Encounter with a fan

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:00:10 +0000

Adoring female fan: Excuse me. Me: Yes? Adoring female fan: I don’t mean to bother you, but aren’t you Roosevelt Franklin from The Franklin Chronicles? Me: Why yes I am. Adoring female fan: Wow! I just wanted to let you know I absolutely LOVE your blog! I’m really impressed with how it manages to be light-hearted in one [...]

Stone Carving

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 11:00:18 +0000

I am slowly carving myself out of stone. Chipping away at the excess. Until I am all that is left.

Read a @#&*%@$ Book

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 23:36:00 +0000

This video has ADULT THEMES. Parental discretion is advised.

Love Letter

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 07:00:29 +0000

“Take a look at this.” I said hefting my laptop over to my wife. We were sitting in bed and she was watching Monk. “No,” she said, “I want to watch this.” “C’mon,” I said, “It’s really short. It won’t take long to read.” She took the computer reluctantly and started reading what I had [...]

The Eternal Struggle

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 16:54:25 +0000

Truth Hurts

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 02:46:14 +0000

“If Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!” This is my wife’s favorite quote. She says it often. “What if Papa ain’t happy?” I asked. “If Papa ain’t happy, everybody just ignores his ass.”

Black Writer’s Gala Extravaganza!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:16:44 +0000

Tags: Writers, Black Folks

Make it Burn

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 11:54:19 +0000

This is much better than Making it Rain.

Official Use of the N-word

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 18:41:15 +0000

The Philosophy of Making it Rain and a Baby

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 20:44:55 +0000

I have to say, I am old. As a result, I don’t cotton to the new brand of “hippity-hop”. The last time I bought hip-hop music was in 1907. It was a song by MC Braggadocious and was made on a wax cylinder. We called them “cylinderies” back then. We would have called them [...]

Get him!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 02:43:07 +0000

Hey, what the hell is this?! Whoever is in charge of this so-called “blog” is a freaking jerk! I’ve read every post and listened to the stupid podcast and now, nothing! He hasn’t updated the stupid thing in months! He’s got me addicted to the site and now, nothing! He hasn’t even updated his goddamn [...]

™’s

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 02 May 2007 14:00:42 +0000

My Former Creative Director (Hi Janet), once asked me why I always use the Trademark symbol (™) randomly, all over my blog. I explained that my reasoning was quite simple. ™’s are funny. In fact they’re much funnier than ©’s. She then pointed out the irony that the name of my site, just might be some form [...]

Lazy Segway

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 01 May 2007 14:00:01 +0000

I’m a geek. I love new technology. So initially when the Segway Human Transport™ was introduced, I thought, “How sweet is that?!” Soon after, I heard that municipalities were considering passing legislation in order to regulate the oncoming Segwayâ„¢ society that was sure to occur. Proposals that were considered included separate lanes for exclusive Segway™ [...]

Major Wedgie

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 13:00:29 +0000

My son dived headlong into my bed as I sat reading the latest updates to digg on my laptop. 2.5 seconds later my daughter performed the same trick, landing squarely on top of him. “What are you children doing?”, I asked unphased. “Taylor just gave me a major wedgie.”, Morgan said. He wasn’t even complaining. [...]

Getting into Heaven

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 13:46:33 +0000

Here it is, what you’ve been waiting for! The first in what I hope to be a series of incredible podcasts! (As soon as I figure out what the hell I’m doing) So go ahead, download it, put it on your iPod or just listen to it in your browser. Either way, it’s fortified with audio goodness!

Dead Genius

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 16:16:59 +0000

“Where are you going?”, my wife asked. “Oh.”, I said sleeving my arm into my jacket, “I’m going to the college campus to hire a hot, young coed as my personal assistant.” My wife folded her arms and arched her eyebrow. “What?!”, I said pleadingly, “Do you see all this mess?” I waved my [...]

Me and Lucy

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 07:23:07 +0000

The Universe and I play this game where she is Lucy holding the football and I’m Charlie Brown. We’ve been playing for a long time now, ever since I can remember. In fact Myron, my best friend in high school used to call me Chuck. In 1980 it had taken several weeks to convince my [...]

Pigeons

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 13:45:58 +0000

Here’s a cool shot of some pigeons. I took this one day, on my way to work. I f*cking hate pigeons

Obama ‘08-episode 2

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 16:40:48 +0000

Sunday February 11, 2007 3:30pm Barack Obama Rally Chicago UIC Pavillion Characters: Brother, Andre Nephew, Andre Jr. (A.J.) age 10 Me: Hey A.J., you’re going to want to hold on to your ticket stub. A.J: I know…Is there going to be a raffle or something? Me: Ha ha ha! Andre: No A.J. there’s not going to be a raffle. A.J. Oh. I was just wondering.