The Franklin Chronicles

Patina of Crappiness

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 14:32:41 +0000

My wife was grading papers. I walked into the room sighing heavily and obviously. She ignored me. “Uff!!! Uggggh!!! Everything sucks!!!”, I whined in a clutch-the-pearls, sort of way. My wife allowed my antics to sail by. “Seriously, it does! Everything on television is HORRIBLE!” (I pronounced it “horr-ee-blay” because every now and then I [...]

Stimulus Package

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:36:20 +0000

“Obama IS the stimulus package.”, my father said. “Ha ha ha…”, I laughed even though I wasn’t quite sure what he meant. “…What exactly does that mean?”, I said after an uncomfortable pause. “Well if the bootleggers are any indication all you have to do is stick Obama’s face on something and you’ll make money.” “Oooooooh.”, I said.

If I was Oprah

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 12:54:25 +0000

“Do you ever think during an interview Oprah thinks to herself, ‘F*ck you, I’m Oprah!’” “No dear.” My wife said calmly. “I don’t think she does.” “Cuz’ if I were her, I would say that to myself… I’d prolly say it out loud too.” “I know. And that’s your problem. I keep trying to tell you.” “I don’t really [...]

Boeing MLK Tribute ad: Behind the scenes

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 12:08:37 +0000

Have a dream: Take 2

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:16:28 +0000

Folks have been saying, they are having a hard time following the link I put up for the “Have a dream” commercial. Prolly the best way to view it is here on Meet the Press. Just click on any of the video links at the bottom of the page. The commercial is a pre-roll and [...]

Based on a True Story

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 13:00:05 +0000

Do you remember the story I told you a few weeks back about my daughter and a tshirt? Oh good grief, of course you do. It’s right here. It turns out, Boeing made a tribute ad for The Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial Foundation that is surprisingly similar to my story. Know how I know? Because I came [...]

Quote

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 12:55:52 +0000

“If he drops it, let’s all kick him!” Lucy Van-Pelt rallying the team in anticipation of Charlie Brown’s failure to catch an easy pop-fly.

Believe

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 23:49:33 +0000

After the election of Barack Obama, a lot of people sent me emails wondering what I would say about it on The Franklin Chronicles. “I can’t wait to hear your insight!”, they said. And so when they ventured here looking for something profound or pithy, I gave them exactly what I had. Nothing. I got nothing. So [...]

The Force

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 05:02:47 +0000

Just a few minutes ago, I tried to use the force to retrieve a remote control from across the room. It didn’t work.

Yes We Did

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:08:58 +0000

This is the poster my eight-year old son, Morgan, made and hung up in the window this morning.

The Greatest of All Time!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 19:17:04 +0000

OK, I swear after this, I’ll stop just recycling links and get back to my regularly scheduled non-tent. (Did you see how I did that? How I seamlessly and effortlessly combined “nonsense” and “content”? Truly I am a master wordsmith!) To that point, apparently Stephen Colbert agrees with my awesome-tacity! The riches are sure to start pouring [...]

Colin Powell Endorses Obama

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 14:36:49 +0000

Ok, time out for a minute, I’ve tried to exercise restraint by not talking a great deal about Obama on this blog, because I don’t want this to become the “I Love Barack Obama” blog. I want it to remain the “I love talking about myself” blog But I had to post this, because I think Colin [...]

My Birthday!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 01:20:49 +0000

Hey gang! You all know what’s happening on November 4th don’t you? That’s right, it’s my birthday! What?… What did you think I was going to say? Oh yeah. That’s right. Well I guess you can vote too. Whatever. If you really want to make my day memorable, you can either vote for this guy or buy me something ridiculously expensive. It’s [...]

Happiness is like a Big-ass quilt

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 16:14:49 +0000

A friend of mine said she wasn’t really happy and was feeling kinda blah. In fact she said she wasn’t sure if she quite knew what happiness was anymore. “The way I see it, happiness is like a big-ass quilt.”, I announced in a triumphant sort of way. “A big-ass quilt…”, she repeated slowly. “Yeah. [...]

Folksy™

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:49:35 +0000

Fifteen seconds into the Vice-presidential debate, my wife was already annoyed. Governor Palin had just asked Senator Biden if she could call him Joe. “Oh Lord!, she’s already starting with this folksy crap!”, my wife yelled to me down the hall. I was on my way downstairs to get a nice, tall, glass of iced-tea. [...]

The Good Daughter

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 18:26:03 +0000

“So Papa.”, Morgan said in the middle of mopping the floor. “Yes son.” “What did you get Taylor for her birthday?” We were cleaning the house, getting ready for Taylor’s slumber party that evening. Morgan and I were on bathroom detail. “What makes you think we got her a present?”, I asked wryly. “Papa!”, he [...]

Schmupdate

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 04:51:58 +0000

I was minding my own bidness, sauntering aimlessly around the office, when I happened by the desk of my “so-called” friend, Sean Hicks. “Hey Franklin. Why don’t you update your blog, instead of walking around aimlessly with your hands in your pockets?” Alright, you know what Sean! (If that is your REAL name). I do have [...]

Advertising and the Art of Palin

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 00:21:37 +0000

Standing behind Dorothy Isono, watching her work was a remarkable sight to behold. Her fingers clacked across the keyboard with amazing speed and windows skittered open and shut across her screen. She would pause every now and then to say something and it would take a second or two for the computer to catch up [...]

Sober Reflections on Barack Obama’s Speech to the Democratic National Convention

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:42:32 +0000

!!!

Crucial Update

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 05:16:32 +0000

Me walking by Sean’s desk Sean: Oh hey, I’m glad you’re here. I was just going to check out The Chronicles. Now that you’re here, let’s look at them together, shall we? Me: Heh, heh…Ok… Sean: Oh wouldja lookit that. Nothing! Not a goddamn thing. What a surprise. The Chronicles haven’t been updated in what, 6 weeks now? Me: [...]

Blackberries and Email

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 13:30:30 +0000

During the spring and summer for the past couple of years, I have been riding my bike to work. It’s 10 miles each way and I ride about 3 times a week and it takes about 40 minutes, depending on the wind. The reason I ride 3 times and not 4 or 5 is because apparently [...]

Talented Laziness

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 16:33:59 +0000

With the notable exception of Michael Jordan, most talented people are lazy. If their work ethic matched their level of talent, well… they’d probably be like Mike. I think there’s a circular kind of dynamic that exists. People who aren’t as talented know their limitations and therefore work harder while talented people realize they’re gifted so [...]

Episode 5: Me and Lucy

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 21 May 2008 12:30:45 +0000

Taylor’s Field Trip

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 19 May 2008 12:30:54 +0000

When I arrived for the field trip, Taylor snatched the camera from my hands, dove immediately into her crowd of friends and started snapping pictures. “I don’t know Taylor.”, I said. “I think you were too close for a lot those pictures.” She rolled her eyes and continued snapping. Then, I thought the pictures she [...]

Letting Things Work

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 05 May 2008 15:00:46 +0000

This edition is simulcast in podcast form. Specially created for the visually impaired and the too-lazy-to-read impaired. I want to tell you something that was said to me recently. But as with most things, I can’t tell you what was said, straight-out. My mind tends to work like thousands of little index cards, all attached to each other [...]

Taylor, Morgan & Cherry Blossoms

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:30:33 +0000

Cherry Blossoms

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:42:30 +0000

I know its kinda blurry. It makes it more art-y. Whatever losers. (I swear, art is lost on y’all.)

Deep Thoughts

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:30:59 +0000

Here is one of my favorite quotes from the philosopher, Elwood P. Dowd. Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be…”, she always called me Elwood, “…In this world, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I [...]

Teenagers

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:08:03 +0000

My wife was talking about the adolescent stage of development. She described it as a point in life where a person is very ego-centric but fails to accept responsibility for their own actions. It is the “everything happens to me” stage in life. She used her students as an example: Student: Mrs. V., you gave me [...]

Stuff they never tell you about marriage

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 03:26:38 +0000

I am laying on the bed, staring absently at the ceiling. My wife is sitting on the edge of the bed with her laptop, Me: Tricia. Tricia: Yes. Me: I was just wondering… Tricia: Yes. Me: …If you should give me a full body massage. Tricia: Well let me tell you. That ain’t gonna happen. Me (under my breath): What the hell [...]

The Speech

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 10:30:12 +0000

I called my friend Audwin The Black Belt the morning of March 18th, the day of Barack Obama’s speech, A More Perfect Union. Me: Aud. Audwin The Black Belt: What’s up man? Me: Did you hear? Your boy is giving a speech this morning on race. ATBB: Yeah. Me: You know what this means right? ATBB: Ummmm… Me: It means were doomed!!! ATBB: [...]

Shiny New Desktops!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:00:24 +0000

Me: Hey Pop! Check out these sweet desktops I created for The Franklin Chronicles! Pop (Looking on my laptop): Uh-huh… Me: Fresh huh! Pop: Yeah… Fresh… You’re definitely going to get sued by PBS. Me: Probably. But at least I’ll go out in a glory of Sweet Freshness! Collect all 6 fresh desktop flavors! Before I get sued.

The National Anthem

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 08:01:20 +0000

I was singing The National Anthem. Loudly. Why? Because it’s the National freaking Anthem! “Please stop.” My wife said. “I have a headache and you’re singing too loudly. You’re making it worse.” “Silly wife.” I said, “Once again you’re confusing singing loudly with blowin’. I wasn’t giving you a headache because clearly, I can blow!” “No you can’t.”, [...]

The True Kingmaker

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 07:19:34 +0000

This past weekend, Ralph Nader declared he is running for the presidency. Again. You know why? Because he read my last post. I TOLD y’all I was the sh*t! Since I know you’re reading this Ralph, go ahead and drop the hell out now. You’ve made your point. I think everyone now realizes my true power. Any more [...]

Punditry-Schmunditry

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:49:06 +0000

I had to turn down the sound on CNN while I watched the returns on Super Tuesday because I can’t stand pundits. Mostly because they are annoying and dumb. The reason I know they are dumb is because I am REALLY smart. I rarely agree with anything pundits say, so ipso-facto, they are wrong. And dumb. They [...]

Yes We Can

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 18:02:15 +0000

Michelle sent me an email with a link to this video. Oh I’m sorry, you probably know her as Michelle Obama. I keep forgetting everyone isn’t on a first name basis with her, like I am. Silly me. We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics, they will only grow louder and more [...]

The Secret

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:20:55 +0000

Even though I didn’t need to get up yet, I had to. It was 5:49 AM, time for my wife to get ready for school. In fact she was running a bit late. She tapped me on the leg, motioning for me to follow her to the bathroom while she got ready. That’s sort of [...]

Look at the Time: The Triumph of Taylor

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 13:30:24 +0000

“Look at the time.” I said, pointing to the digital clock on the microwave. My nine year old daughter gave me a puzzled look. “It is now 6:51 AM.” I announced. “OK, continue.” I said. She slowly turned her attention back to what she was doing, but looked at me quizzically from the corner of [...]

Monks-They aren’t all that

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 13:30:55 +0000

I have just decided, I’m not all that impressed with monks. Like most folks, there was a time when they had my utmost respect. Oooh they are so devout. Wow they are soooo pious. Ooooh look at their…robes. Now I’m like, “Yeah. Whatever the f*ck ever.” A few weeks ago I was talking to my wife about [...]

In the cut

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 19:46:36 +0000

You: Here you are. I’ve been looking all over the net for you!!! Me: Huh…Wha?! You: What the f*ck are you doing?!! Me: Wha…I was taking a nap You: For two goddamn months?!!, what the f*ck is wrong with you?!! Me: Well there was the holidays… and then I got sleepy. You: Get your ass up and get back to work. [...]

Epsonality Goddamn!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 13:30:40 +0000

“Uh oh.” I said. This didn’t look good. The day had started out promising. It was an early Sunday Morning and no one in my house was awake. I sat in the living room, watching television and eating Cap’n Crunch™, which is strictly forbidden in my house. But like I said no one was awake yet [...]

Children of Light and Sound

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 13:30:45 +0000

“Children of light and sound.” I was repeating what my mother had just said because I liked the way it sounded. “That’s pretty. What does it mean?” My mother, who is a semi-retired high school teacher, explained, “It’s what I call your generation. You all were the first to grow up with Sesame Street and [...]

Really?

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 13:16:42 +0000

The setting is the dinner table. My daughter, Taylor is 9. My son Morgan is 7. My wife Tricia is 40. Me: Who is this Steven you were talking about? Taylor: He’s a boy at school. Morgan: Yeah. He’s a boy who acts like a girl and he snaps his fingers in people’s faces. (He continues eating.) Taylor: [...]

Adventures in Nola: Part 4- In the Trailer

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 13:30:40 +0000

Julie at the Audubon Zoo in New Orleans. We were sitting in the RV, waiting for the photo crew to set up the next shot. I was using the WiFi to check email and transcribe a story from my notebook to The Chronicles. (I know, it’s weird that I actually use a notebook. But I am [...]

Adventures in Nola: Part 3- A Small World For Colored Folks

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 22:01:00 +0000

Carmen in New Orleans “Who is this Bob you keep talking about?” I asked Heather. “Bob is my father.” She said. It was my third year in college. I met Heather Ireland in Allen Hall at The University of Illinois. “You call your father by his first name?” I asked. “Yes…” She thought for a second. [...]

Adventures in Nola: Part 2- Lomo Pictures

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 14:30:29 +0000

Adventures in Nola: Part 1

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 14:30:45 +0000

Vanessa stood small and elfish on the sidewalk. We we’re across the street from Café Du Monde in the French Quarter of New Orleans. “Before Katrina, it was right here.” She pointed up at a non-existent sign. “This used to be a Wolf Camera.” She then turned in place, looking as if she had just [...]

National Public Radio

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 14:06:26 +0000

I love National Public Radio. My wife however is not a huge fan. She’ll listen, but she thinks shows like A Prairie Home Companion are corny. She’s right of course. What NPR needs is someone like me. When I say that, I mean someone like me who is not me. I have my own plan [...]

Deep Thoughts

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 13:29:04 +0000

There’s a poster, in the production studio where I work. I’m in there quite often, sometimes several times a day to review proofs-n-such. Although I’ve seen the poster many times, I had never actually read it. It’s a mish-mosh of distressed type with images of skulls and fire, squeezed through a photoshop filter. Because of [...]

One Point

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 13:00:32 +0000

I think I’ve mentioned before that my wife is not all that impressed with me. I’m sure at one point, before we we’re married she thought I was funny. But now, after eleven years, she looks at me as if to say, “What else can you do?” I just shrug my shoulders and say, “That’s [...]

The Sh*t

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 13:30:03 +0000

Most people don’t realize that I’m The Sh*t. When they see me, I’m quite sure they make many assumptions but never are they along the lines, “I wonder if he’s The Sh*t? He looks like he might be but I can’t quite tell from this angle.” I’ve grown accustomed to it but I have to [...]

Happy Birthday to Me

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 13:00:29 +0000

Today I turned 40. And like everyone I know who turns 40, it is a time of sober reflection. So I would like to take this time to think about where my life is and compare it to where I thought I’d be at this age. At this point, I thought I’d be a world renowned [...]

Jokes

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 14:30:25 +0000

My Children and I were walking around downtown Oak Park this weekend. As we sat at lunch, they shared some jokes with me. My nine year old daughter Taylor, went first. “Papa. I bet I can make you say black.” She said between sips of chicken noodle soup. “OK, go ahead.” I said taking a [...]

Spiderman: The Next Generation

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 14:30:04 +0000

This don't make no damn sense

Chicago from the Lake

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 22:57:58 +0000

Great-granny’s 87th birthday party was on board a tour boat on Lake Michigan. The waves were hella choppy and a lot of folks got queasy. I was straight though.

Bed-Wetting Mystery

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 13:30:50 +0000

“Morgan!”, my wife called down the hall, “Are you in the bed?” “Yes!” He answered. “Get up and go to the bathroom!” She ordered. This point needed to be emphasized because, for some unknown reason, my son had begun wetting the bed again. We heard him shuffle across the hall to the bathroom and the [...]

Franklin Tees, Are Here and They’re Franklintastic!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 14:00:56 +0000

You wanted ‘em, you got ‘em! The very thing that will make your dreary life complete. And they come in 5 delicious styles, just the way Mom used to make! Available in every color of the rainbow…as long as your rainbow is white and cottony. So click on the shop link and collect ‘em all! Women's [...]

Wynton Marsalis: The Struggle Continues

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:30:01 +0000

If you’re too lazy to move your eyeballs in order to read this post, you can listen to the podcast edition. (lazy ass). Wynton Marsalis and I have been locked in an epic struggle between good and evil for the past fifteen years. It is a soul-wrenching battle that goes back and forth and often it [...]

Do the Right Thing

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 03:16:25 +0000

My friend Audwin stood calmly in the middle of the street dialing his cell phone while an older White man, towered over him screaming obscenities. “I’ll kick your f*cking ass! Ya pussy! Ya punk!” Audwin rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. He was definitely going to be late for his meeting now. “How [...]

Proving my Point

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 16:00:39 +0000

Tricia: I don’t know if I like your blog. You’ve got everyone believing I’m just an evil haint. Me: Well… Tricia: Well what? Me: (I shrug my shoulders, giving an, “if the shoe fits” kind of look) Tricia: (Smack to the back of my head!) Me: Ow! See! Tricia: Whatever b*tch.

Personality Test

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 20:31:35 +0000

“Did you get my email?”, I asked. “No.” my wife said. “Well check your email.” “No. it’s late and I don’t want to check email right now.” “C’mon. Out of all the emails I’ve sent, this is the best one EVER!” “You say every one is the best one ever.” she said plainly. [...]

Encounter with a fan

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:00:10 +0000

Adoring female fan: Excuse me. Me: Yes? Adoring female fan: I don’t mean to bother you, but aren’t you Roosevelt Franklin from The Franklin Chronicles? Me: Why yes I am. Adoring female fan: Wow! I just wanted to let you know I absolutely LOVE your blog! I’m really impressed with how it manages to be light-hearted in one [...]

Stone Carving

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 11:00:18 +0000

I am slowly carving myself out of stone. Chipping away at the excess. Until I am all that is left.

Read a @#&*%@$ Book

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 23:36:00 +0000

This video has ADULT THEMES. Parental discretion is advised.

Love Letter

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 07:00:29 +0000

“Take a look at this.” I said hefting my laptop over to my wife. We were sitting in bed and she was watching Monk. “No,” she said, “I want to watch this.” “C’mon,” I said, “It’s really short. It won’t take long to read.” She took the computer reluctantly and started reading what I had [...]

The Eternal Struggle

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 16:54:25 +0000

Truth Hurts

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 02:46:14 +0000

“If Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!” This is my wife’s favorite quote. She says it often. “What if Papa ain’t happy?” I asked. “If Papa ain’t happy, everybody just ignores his ass.”

Black Writer’s Gala Extravaganza!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:16:44 +0000

Tags: Writers, Black Folks

Make it Burn

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 11:54:19 +0000

This is much better than Making it Rain.

Official Use of the N-word

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 18:41:15 +0000

The Philosophy of Making it Rain and a Baby

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 20:44:55 +0000

I have to say, I am old. As a result, I don’t cotton to the new brand of “hippity-hop”. The last time I bought hip-hop music was in 1907. It was a song by MC Braggadocious and was made on a wax cylinder. We called them “cylinderies” back then. We would have called them [...]

Get him!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 02:43:07 +0000

Hey, what the hell is this?! Whoever is in charge of this so-called “blog” is a freaking jerk! I’ve read every post and listened to the stupid podcast and now, nothing! He hasn’t updated the stupid thing in months! He’s got me addicted to the site and now, nothing! He hasn’t even updated his goddamn [...]

™’s

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 02 May 2007 14:00:42 +0000

My Former Creative Director (Hi Janet), once asked me why I always use the Trademark symbol (™) randomly, all over my blog. I explained that my reasoning was quite simple. ™’s are funny. In fact they’re much funnier than ©’s. She then pointed out the irony that the name of my site, just might be some form [...]

Lazy Segway

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 01 May 2007 14:00:01 +0000

I’m a geek. I love new technology. So initially when the Segway Human Transport™ was introduced, I thought, “How sweet is that?!” Soon after, I heard that municipalities were considering passing legislation in order to regulate the oncoming Segwayâ„¢ society that was sure to occur. Proposals that were considered included separate lanes for exclusive Segway™ [...]

Major Wedgie

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 13:00:29 +0000

My son dived headlong into my bed as I sat reading the latest updates to digg on my laptop. 2.5 seconds later my daughter performed the same trick, landing squarely on top of him. “What are you children doing?”, I asked unphased. “Taylor just gave me a major wedgie.”, Morgan said. He wasn’t even complaining. [...]

Getting into Heaven

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 13:46:33 +0000

Here it is, what you’ve been waiting for! The first in what I hope to be a series of incredible podcasts! (As soon as I figure out what the hell I’m doing) So go ahead, download it, put it on your iPod or just listen to it in your browser. Either way, it’s fortified with audio goodness!

Dead Genius

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 16:16:59 +0000

“Where are you going?”, my wife asked. “Oh.”, I said sleeving my arm into my jacket, “I’m going to the college campus to hire a hot, young coed as my personal assistant.” My wife folded her arms and arched her eyebrow. “What?!”, I said pleadingly, “Do you see all this mess?” I waved my [...]

Me and Lucy

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 07:23:07 +0000

The Universe and I play this game where she is Lucy holding the football and I’m Charlie Brown. We’ve been playing for a long time now, ever since I can remember. In fact Myron, my best friend in high school used to call me Chuck. In 1980 it had taken several weeks to convince my [...]

Pigeons

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 13:45:58 +0000

Here’s a cool shot of some pigeons. I took this one day, on my way to work. I f*cking hate pigeons

Obama ‘08-episode 2

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 16:40:48 +0000

Sunday February 11, 2007 3:30pm Barack Obama Rally Chicago UIC Pavillion Characters: Brother, Andre Nephew, Andre Jr. (A.J.) age 10 Me: Hey A.J., you’re going to want to hold on to your ticket stub. A.J: I know…Is there going to be a raffle or something? Me: Ha ha ha! Andre: No A.J. there’s not going to be a raffle. A.J. Oh. I was just wondering.

Obama ‘08-episode 1

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 16:40:37 +0000

Saturday February 10, 2007 10:00am Characters: Daughter, Taylor age 8 Son, Morgan age 6 Me: Taylor and Morgan come in here, I want you to see this. Taylor: O.K. Papa, here we come. Morgan: What is it Papa? Me: I just want you to watch this. Taylor: Who is that talking? Me: Barack Obama. Morgan: What? Me: Barack Obama. Morgan: Is that Martin Looser King? Me: LuTHer son, put [...]

Always Dancing

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 23:12:35 +0000

â€œHold on a second,â€ I said holding up my index finger. â€œHave you seen this commercial?â€ Audwin had been talking about something having to do with the meaning of life, before I interrupted him. It was Sunday morning. We always talk about the meaning of life on Sunday morning. â€œNo, I havenâ€™t seen this one.â€ [...]

Hip-Hop for grown folks-2

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 19:02:34 +0000

Talib Kweli “Give me the fortune, keep the fame,” said my man Louis, I agreed know what he mean because we live the truest lie I asked him why we follow the law of The Bluest Eye He looked at me, he thought about it Was like, “I’m clueless, why?” The question was rhetorical, the answer is horrible Our morals are out [...]

100th Day

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 02:47:31 +0000

I woke my son up this morning and he sat on the edge of his bed, frowning with a deeply furrowed brow. There was nothing particularly wrong. This is how he wakes up every morning. I find it best for everyone’s sanity, to just start talking about something tangentially in order to distract him from [...]

Girly Camouflage

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 17:02:26 +0000

Last week my daughter came downstairs, dressed head to toe in girly camouflage. I call it girly because pastels were sprinkled amid the khaki and green. â€œGood morning Taylor. Wow!” I said, “Thatâ€™s a lot of camouflage.â€ â€œYes. Mommy picked it out.â€ She said drowsily rubbing her eyes. â€œThe only thing she didnâ€™t give [...]

Food for Thought

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 01:52:26 +0000

I try to say the word, “indeed” at least once a day. I’m on a one man crusade to bring it back into everyday conversation. Plus it makes me sound smart and cultured. Words are f*cking sweet!

On Helpfulness

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 03:18:48 +0000

One of the characteristics in which my wife and I take great pride, is our childrenâ€™s willingness to help. In fact each day in my house is punctuated with a series of â€œCan-I-helps?â€ As Iâ€™m preparing oatmeal in the morning, â€œCan I help?â€ As Iâ€™m washing the dishes, â€œCan I help?â€ Cooking black-eyed peas [...]

Maya and Brock

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 23:17:35 +0000

My wife sat scribbling amid a pile of papers strewn across our bed as I entered the room. “Watcha doin’”I asked. She shot me a look that said, “I’m grading papers, what does it look like I’m doing?” before muttering, “I am preparing a pot roast that is both juicy and tender.” “Uh-huh, I [...]

Statistics of Fear

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 20:35:10 +0000

There are over 6.6 billion people on the planet. Of that number 12.7 million live in the state of Illinois. 2.8 million of those people live in the city of Chicago Maybe 4 or 5 give a rats-ass about what I do on a daily basis. At first blush, these statistics may sound a bit depressing, but somehow they [...]

Hip-Hop for grown folks

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 16:43:28 +0000

Said I’m not gonna say, “You” y’all I’m gonna say, “We.” Sometimes I sit and think about it, yo how numb can we be? How could it go so far, how’d it get so funky? That we could walk a mile in footsteps of a porch monkey. That we could break a barrier without one key. Then turn around and [...]

January Fun!

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 16:00:12 +0000

I’m still riding my bike. In January. In Chicago! Does anyone else find this just a tad-bit ridic-o-lous? No? Alright then, carry-on.

Normal Spray

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 15:59:20 +0000

When I was little, my Mother bought a Batman coloring book for me. it was f*cking sweet! Though I was five at the time so I don’t think I said that. I probably said something like, “Yeah!” The sentiment is pretty much the same.The story in the coloring book was about a Mad Scientist who [...]

Quiz

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 05:09:57 +0000

Quick! What’s the greatest bedtime snack of ALL TIME! … … …No I’m sorry the answer we were looking for was a handful of dry roasted peanuts mixed with raisins. We would have accepted four saltines topped with a slice of bologna that has been cut into quarters. Better luck next time. Thanks for playing.

The key to happiness

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 18:08:48 +0000

People often stop me on the street and ask, â€œHey! With all the misery thatâ€™s going on in the world, how you do manage to maintain your sunny disposition?â€ …O.K., so no one really stops me on the street and asks me that, but in my mind they do. And they do it incessantly. [...]

Secret

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 14:00:17 +0000

Here’s a small conceit: I call my son, “son” but I’m really pronouncing it “sun” since that’s what he is to me. I still call my daughter by her first name though. Saying, “come here daughter” just sounds weird to me.

Fate and a Yellow School bus

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 22:39:28 +0000

My wife and I have an ongoing debate about destiny. She says it exists, I say it doesn’t. This really isn’t all that much of a debate as much as it is two opposing statements. Still, If I am to make an argument, here’s mine against the idea that people are “meant” for one [...]

Is this thing on?

roosevelt@franklinchronicles.com (Eugene Varnado II) — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 16:40:00 +0000

(Suggested soundtrack for this post: “It’s Been a Long Time” by Rakim. Go to the store and buy it or download it from iTunes. I don’t really care how you get it, just get it, come back here and play the song while you read. Don’t worry, I’ll still be here when you get [...]