Those trees are awesome.

The past few months, I’ve been thrashing about here on freakingid.com, fully aware of my self-indulgent bitching. A lot of negative thoughts built most of these posts. The photos were just something to do each morning, something consistent and routine to do that I wouldn’t dread.

The first snowy picture here.

While it was all just venting, it definitely served a purpose. I’m not yet at peace, but I’ve found the road. In the next 5 months, I hope to get things reasonably squared away.

If all goes well, daily life will be barely comparable then to what it is now!

Even with snow and holiday decor, West sucks.

I moved my new personal blog to http://paulekaiser.com, where mostly positive, forward-thinking stuff will be found! There’s simply no time for bitching any more.

Get on over to paulekaiser.com, subscribe to updates by email or RSS, and say goodbye to freakingID.com’s complaining and whining.

Onward. Onward.

The new year is upon us! And me!

That house would be cool to play in.

Namaste…

Not even snow can stop me from going to hell each day.

I picked an awesome tree this year, in about 5 minutes.

I don’t know about you, but when I ask myself “what I want,” I never get a straight answer. I know one thing:

• I want what I have, mostly.
• My family is primo.
• But my life wants more, too.

Wait — that’s three things.

By the way, I usually take about 45 minutes to pick out a live tree each holiday season. I’m trying to get in the mode of “taking action” and it totally worked this year. Inside 5 minutes, I had this tree in the van, and it’s pretty nice.

Go, me.

Better than drip, but espresso is still tops.

I always hear that you’re not supposed to buy yourself things during the holidays. Since I usually don’t know what I want, though, I have to strike when the iron is hot. While browsing Target for gifts for other people, I happened across this French press. I wanted it. I bought it.

The French press is not all it’s cracked up to be, but I’ll start using it at work. I am using dark roast espresso beans with it, so I’ll have to try something more “medium” later to see if it makes a difference.

I am still curious about this “Cold Press” approach, though, and will try it soon.

Snow on the ground!

Onward I go, into what? I don’t know.

But, there’s snow!

Do you honestly know what you want? Or are you on a track that goes East and West because — well, that’s the way the track was laid?

I’m on such a track, and it’s because I’m too afraid right now to get off. I could get off and put my train on another track, but I’m sick of tracks. I need to get up the gumption to get off the track, remove the big steel wheels, put regular car tires and a steering wheel in place, and drive my own route.

Even with snow, looking west stinks.

“And to your left, you can see the lovely holiday decorations adorning the oddly-short evergreen vegetation. Behold.”

Good morning, Santa. Feeling deflated?

This Santa is awesome, but every year, he gets flattened by ice. That’s not the case here — he just doesn’t do mornings. You know, at least Santa knows what he wants to do. Unless maybe he’s being blackmailed into the whole gift delivery thing. Man, wouldn’t that be a story?

“Santa, you gotta know nobody just quits the firm. You’re flyin’, or you’re dyin’, doughboy.”

I’ve just read “How to Get Rich,” and this guy totally hits the nail on the head with three categories of people and what excuses they make for not taking action. I’m in category two, part of the “comfortably poor,” inactive for fear of losing what I currently have. Namely, that is security (or the perception of security,) including a health care plan and the crack cocaine of a regular paycheck.

House with tall tree. In December. Yeah.

Just wait until we get a real snow. That tree is beautiful with snow clinging all over it. Totally.

This security comes at a price, though. My skills are waning, and my sense of purpose is nearly non-existent. Sorry, but I can’t be happy “just getting a paycheck.” I am capable of so much more.

Eastward to what?

I’d love to make my current job work out, to make a difference, to start doing things that really benefit people. Without leadership and management, that’s not going to happen.

Winter totally rules. I mean it.

So what do you do? What do you want? Do you want to be rich? Do you want to have power over other people? (be a manager.) Do you want to be famous? (that’s just dangerous.)

Just another eastward shot.

I’ve always felt guilty any time I thought I’d like to be rich. I don’t know why. I guess because the people around me always hacked on rich people, criticized them, and said they just weren’t like us, or we weren’t like them. They live in a “different world.”

New Ironport web blocker at work embarassed Firefox.

Huh. Well anyway, that’s my Monday food for thought. I have to remember that for now, I am a wage slave, so I need to go get some work done.

Here’s what I learned:

1. My coffee drinking is just fine — I just need to make it less expensive.
2. My beer drinking is also just fine, but it costs too much, also.
3. I’m in pretty good shape.
4. I might never write consistently until the money thing is figured out.
5. I can still do higher-level math, even though I don’t need to.
6. Doing higher-level math makes me experience excellent dreams all night long.
7. My self-indulgent blogging wastes time I should be using to make a real difference in my life.

Done!

One portfolio item added per week.

–

One new screencast added per week.

–

Morning pushups: 3 sets

• 2009-11-30: 30 x 00 x 00
• 2009-12-01: none
• 2009-12-02: none in the morning. Maybe this evening?

One multi-vitamin daily.

• 2009-11-30: Taken.
• 2009-12-01: Oops. Missed it.
• 2009-12-02: Taken.

One math section (minimum) daily.

• This could be a slow math week, since the Six Month Plan is in flux.

Get to work on time (8:00 a.m.)

• 2009-11-30: 7:41 a.m.
• 2009-12-01: 8:01 a.m.
• 2009-12-02: 7:53 a.m.
• 2009-12-03: Off work.
• 2009-12-04: Off work.

Daily progress on Data Genie

• Nothing yet

Daily progress on novel

• I’m leaving this here, but don’t expect much progress daily.

Trees out the front window are better than a house.

I’ve heard it said that in many parts of the world, when asked “What do you do,” people answer things like:

• I hang out with my friends and family.
• I play games.
• I sing.
• I grow flowers.

Lemony Snicket house.

In America, however, people almost always answer from the perspective of their job, such as:

• I’m a banker.
• I’m a barista.
• I’m going to school to be an accountant.

An attempt at composition doesn't help West.

I think that’s kind of sad, that people define themselves by their jobs. I know I’ve done that all my life, as well. I’ve grown up with the notion that you are largely defined by what your job is. I think a lot of us (at least in America) are that way. That’s why there’s this general feel that a Janitor is somehow a lesser person than a Banker. It’s not true, but that mentality is pervasive, even in our movies and stories.

Vertical composition gives a different feel.

Some people love their jobs, and really are defined by them. There’s nothing wrong with that. It may be the main reason they get up each day, because they’re so excited about it.

East. Big deal.

I’d like to feel that way. I’ve felt that way in the past, but then been let down. I generally have a larger vision and greater expectations than my employers. That’s not their fault—I just want to be doing more, making more of a difference, making things beautiful.

Onward.

Maybe someday, if you ask me what I do, I can answer “I hang out with my family, write songs, play music, grow flowers, and oh, yeah, I also do some work here and there.”

Getting control of what you do for work, for income, is probably the single best move you can make towards stabilizing your happiness.