To err is human, to really stuff things up requires a computer!

michael, he’s right – you said it like being gay was an insult or a joke. That makes me pretty uncomfortable no matter how little I like your target.

Actually, if this guy was gay, that would be pretty much the one thing that would make me sympathize with him. It would make him a victim, punished so hard and so often for what he is that he can only feel good about himself by copying his abusers and making himself even more horrible than they.

You can be damn well certain that if I’m in a situation where I’m “one of the guys” and the topic of conversation turns rampantly sexist, I’m saying something, even if that means I won’t get invited back to that particular circle in the future. Because, you know, I’ll learn to live with myself somehow without their camaraderie.

Thank you. I can say that, too.

Jeanette: I don’t think being a feminist is easy at all, much less easier than being a man. Only in the specific circumstance of choosing what fights to have, and even that is situational. So… what did your brother mean by it?

Women are socialized to, and I would even say actively rewarded for, going along with sexism and pretending it doesn’t bother us. There are many women who have internalized sexism to such a degree that it really doesn’t, and I have female friends who would make that joke. Don’t make it personal by involving Laura and speaking as if her opinion is being asked for or she should be offended (she very well may not be!), but do make it known YOU’RE offended because you don’t like sexism.

I don’t like the idea that men have to qualify disliking sexism because they’re less affected by it. As a woman, it’s far easier in the short term to let it go and not care. As my brother once said, “it’s kind of sad that even being a feminist is easier as a man”. Sometimes a man is the ideal person to do the calling-out, especially if the only women present will have to pay a heavy social penalty for doing so.

This only works for certain issues though and in certain situation, but I’ve found that it can be fun, though it requires a lot of well-practiced restraint.

My current mixed company go-to for something like your w-i-f-e example is “How do you express that sentiment on Mother’s Day cards?” A general counter that I hope limits the splash damage is, after the statement has been made, “If anyone else wants to vote that one as sexist (racist, homophobic, ableist), I’m with them.”

I had to fight the “that’s so gay” battle with my son because it’s so ubiquitous, and he was an idiot teenager. I was hot-headed and forceful, but he still slipped on occasion until I started immediately replying “that’s so KKK.”

A comeback database. That’s what we need.

I first heard that one as a bad-attitude feminist battlecry about 40 years ago.

There is absolutely nothing that The System cannot appropriate, co-opt, and distort to maintain the status quo.