Kelly Sauer | Real Life, Fine Art

Hi. I’m Kelly. I Am A Person Who Sees

2012-02-08T16:52:45Z

My blog has always been a bit of a personal journal for me to write the stuff that I don’t always get to talk about. Since I’m running a business largely by myself, this “journal” has seen a lot of business chatter over the last year or so. But after yesterday’s publication post and my repeated Facebook and Twitter posts about my publication at Grey Likes Weddings, I began to wonder if I’m writing in a – loud – monotone.

We started the business to create opportunities for me to shoot beautiful things – but that is not all I am. I worry that I’m trying to be a grown-up photographer and business professional when really, I’m just a person who sees.

I see things I don’t photograph, the sounds of my kids giggling as they chase one another down the hall, the nuclear waste they leave for Pete and me to clean up every evening, meals we make together, friends who come to visit. I don’t photograph family phone calls or bedtime stories or nights on the couch watching Bones or The Bachelor or The Office. I don’t take pictures of God-conversations, two-year-old tantrums, or four-year-old funnies.

These things that make up my life are the best things about me, the things that keep my eyes open so that I see beyond my viewfinder, so that I still live real life behind my lens. My camera is only the tool – my work begins long before I pick it up.

Regardless of my business success, I’m not going to feel successful unless I have been able to live real in achieving that success. I need to be a person more than I need to be a professional. I need to keep seeing more than I need to have single-minded focus.

And I need to change the subject once in a while. It makes picking up the camera so much more fun.

Grey Likes Matt and Kelly’s Engagement Session – And So Do I!

2012-02-07T12:58:01Z

Yesterday afternoon, I launched the full reveal from my first shoot of 2012 at The Girl in the White Dress, sent it over to my client, and began submitting it for publication. Less than 24 hours later, my friend Summer has taken it live at Grey Likes Weddings – a fulfillment of a dream of mine that began in 2010, when I first discovered her gorgeous wedding inspiration!

Summer, who also goes by “Grey,” has been a favorite of mine, both on the front end – with the elegant glamour and beautifully-lit photos she posts – and on the back end, where we’ve emailed back and forth and yakked about meeting one another sooner or later. She is one of *my* industry greats, with an eye for detail and design that blows me away. Last fall, I started studying her work – her Shoot This, Not That workshop, the “Punch Drunk Love” editorial she designed for Southern Weddings, Jasmine Star’s shoot for Exposed – and she inspired a completely new approach to my work.

I started asking myself WWGL – What would Grey like? – and began to take a more active role in styling my sessions than I had previously invested. I created pinboards with color palettes and prop ideas, and started collecting inspiring sessions from my favorite photographers to share with clients so they could see what I was seeing. I began working with my clients beforehand to define locations and a story that reflected who they are.

In spite of my new direction, though, my goal has always been – and always will be – to create my art from what is real. In Matt and Kelly’s case, this was easy, easy, easy, because they often stopped by Whole Foods for a picnic on their way to the sea, and they often chased down Kelly’s hat when the wind blew it off, and Matt often stopped to pick up gladiolas for Kelly on his way home from work. But while the details make a huge difference for getting published, they don’t tell the whole story.

I always lose my clients to one another at some point during the session, and even when I’m choosing my shots, this is when the reality comes quite literally into the picture.It was Matt’s gently insistent love for Kelly – and her deep wonder at it – that took my breath away and made this session what it was. You have to have an amazing love, and Matt and Kelly do. I keep replaying the softness in her voice as she told me how she treasures their relationship.

I’m not going to post their full session here, but if you would visit Grey and leave her some comment love, I’ll let you check out the full reveal at The Girl in the White Dress. *grin*

Doubting the Go – And Going Anyway

2012-02-05T17:21:27Z

“A winter ago, I had an after-school seminar for high-school students and in one of the early sessions Una, a brilliant fifteen-year-old, a born writer who came to Harlem from Panama five years ago… asked me out of the blue: “Mrs. Franklin, do you really and truly believe in God with no doubts at all?”

“Oh Una, I really and truly believe in God with all kinds of doubts.”

But I base my life on this belief.

- M. L’Engle, A Circle of Quiet, p. 63

I spent the second half of my first year of college immersed in eschatology. I planned to graduate with a one-year Bible degree before I transferred to a new school, so I took whatever classes were available to me to get the 22 credits I needed to accomplish my goal. Three or four of them happened to be about prophecy, eschatology, and the end times.

By the middle of the semester, I was no longer sure what to believe about God and life and the end of the world (they say there is no place like Bible college to go to lose your faith), so I stopped believing much of anything. It wasn’t anybody’s fault – it was just me coming face to face with the fact that I didn’t know how God really existed in real life. He was fine in the dream world I’d lived in during much of my growing up, but there were things in the real world that the God I’d known as a child just didn’t seem able to handle.

One day in my “Advanced Eschatology” class, our professor showed us a video by Francis Schaeffer, a famous Christian apologist. I don’t remember what theological points Schaeffer was discussing, but one thing he said stuck out to me and has never left me: “Everyone has to believe something; we might as well believe what is true.”

That summer, when I walked out behind my house and told God I didn’t know if I even believed in Him or not, when I heard Him chuckle in response and point out simply that I was talking to Him so I really must believe in Him, despite my doubts, Schaeffer’s phrase came back to me.

I went looking for truth, and found that the Truth was a Person, and on the days that I doubt, I remember that Jesus lived and died and walked around earth in the flesh, and that He, as the Messiah fulfilled all of the Old Testament prophecies, and that His very presence here – God-in-the-flesh – is proof enough that God is deeply invested in the real world and in the lives of us who He created.

I do not “go” without doubts this year. I can’t believe in God without some doubts, but love “believes all things,” and I love Him because He first loved me. Faith can’t exist without the possibility for doubt. And hope that is seen is not hope at all.

I doubt that I will live my life fully in “the right,” but who of us will? You can’t really live when the pros and cons balance one another and give no clear direction as to what is right or what is wrong. Sometimes, you just have to GO, and trust that God created you for that.

Either He’s big enough to handle our real life mess, or He’s not.

I choose to believe that He is.

Gladness and Blame – When the Bright Wind Blows

2012-02-05T17:38:20Z

There was a wind on the hillside which blew like the very embodiment of living gladness. It blew into Diamond’s heart, and made him so happy that he was forced to sit down and cry.

- At The Back of the North Wind

1.) Charleston’s spring has arrived. 2.) I got some sun for yesterday’s shoot. I have MISSED this in my photos. 3.) I am sick today, but my hubby has given me tea and time. 4.) It’s a good day. 5.) And I’m blaming God.

Okay, so blaming God for good things comes out like thankfulness. Hee hee. Never thought of that until just now. Share what’s making you glad today? Are you blaming Him for it?

3 • From Here & There – “If a Woman Rebels”

2012-02-03T17:05:20Z

“If a woman rebels against high-heeled shoes, she should take care to do it in a very smart hat.”

- George Bernard Shaw

Claire took the shoes off, Sarah didn’t even bother with the hat, and me? I took pictures in my bare feet and still stuck to the rules of our new Three prompt.

I’m really bad at breaking rules. I have to force myself not to keep them sometimes, because I am by nature a “good girl.” Generally, it is easy for me to adapt to situations and culture by observing others and doing what they do. I am an oldest child, and this is how I learned about life.

But I have this IFSP artist streak in me that keeps requiring me to think outside the box. And I have a God who really doesn’t fit in any box at all, who breaks all of the rules in every culture and tells me not to worry about what to eat, drink or wear. He tells me to love as He loves, lay down my life for Him, come to Him for rest and take up His easy yoke.

He likes paradoxes. Things that make no sense to the rule-keepers.

He says “Go, be who I made you for Me,” and “wear the hat for fun even if you feel silly” and “be kind even if someone is not being kind to you.”

Sometimes, it is easier for me to break a rule if someone insists that I keep it. “Why?” is the question I ask – and this is how I’m learning to live now. There is a good sort of rebellion, one that leads one deeper into God and away from thinking like I don’t know Him at all.

I think I’m rebelling in 2012, against rules that shouldn’t be there and into the God who fills me up. I want to stop with the caveats already and just live free, bare-footed and in my hat. Assuming I want to wear a hat. I love that He’s letting me discover how much room there is in Him to live without fear.

Our prompt at Three this round is based on the Shaw quote I’ve shared above. Do you have a photo or a story to share about that? Join the fun with Claire and Sarah and me, won’t you? We’d love to have you!

Making Pretty – With a Little Inspired ‘Tude

2012-02-02T01:37:09Z

Okay, I’m worthless when it comes to words this week, but I can make pretty, anyway. I had an impulse yesterday, loosely-based in February, Valentine’s Day, and That Perfect Light I discovered last time I did self-portraits.

Something weird happens to me when I put a hat on. I get attitude. It is a necessary prop for self-portraits, I think. Anyway. So I put the hat on, and a thrifted dress (red rose toile – LOVE!!!), and make-up, and the afore-mentioned ‘tude, and spent a few minutes in front of the mirror. Oh yay. I think maybe my self-portrait project from last year might be thinking of reviving itself. But we shall see.

Today totally rearranged itself and I did a couple of design projects and cleaned up this space a little bit, unearthed a few favorite photos, implemented a new Twitter design at Twitter, and basically puttered myself into three other designs for some friends of mine.

I have decided that RED will be my color this year. You know, until it isn’t. I’m enjoying messing around with visuals to create layouts and pages for my images. I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakthrough of some sort, the kind that will take my brand back to the images I started designing with in the first place.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how not every photographer chooses a niche or a specialty. My choice for wedding, engagement, and editorial photography came after years of trying to figure out how to put all of my favorite things to shoot into one cohesive brand – a feat that I’ve discovered is practically impossible to accomplish.

But I’m finding that even though I have chosen a niche, I still like to do things like self-portraits and flowers and skyscapes and other little things that catch my eye. I prefer to shoot light-filled images, but once in a while, I HAVE to shoot in the dark, because I have to find the light there. I have a top secret project to shoot this month that has nothing to do with anything in my wedding brand, and I’m completely excited about it.

So I’ve been thinking about how it is okay – NECESSARY – for some photographers to not choose anything and to still call themselves photographers. About how it is okay to NOT have to make money from your photography or to create a successful business within the photography industry. To just shoot what you love because you love it and hold onto joy.

And I’ve concluded that making pretty is a worthy enough reason to take pictures, to blog, to play around on Pinterest, have a Facebook page, or hang out in Instagram. The pretty things are the things that keep us alive, that remind us that there is hope to be had, that bring us out of the murk and the muck of the everyday.

Whether I get to be a grown-up professional photographer or not, I already shoot for the love of it, and I probably always will. You who are doing that, who haven’t taken the professional leap? You are incredible, living normal lives with a heart and an eye toward the extraordinary. It’s you who inspire me to just live on days like today when I’ve got two doctor’s appointments, a lack of drive, and only a little leftover ‘tude.

Happy Wednesday, friends. I look forward to being more awake tomorrow.

Showing & Sharing: I’ve Been Published!

2012-02-01T20:42:50Z

I made a goal last year to shoot my images as if I was shooting them for a magazine, and the focus paid off. In January, I had two The Girl in the White Dress sessions published at online inspiration blogs, and I am SO stoked to have been able to share two of my sweetest couples with the world beyond my blog!

First up, Evan and Anne’s engagement session charmed Weddings Unveiled with their bright blue engagement session for a feature at their Completely Unveiled Blog. I can’t wait to share these two again in March after what I am sure is going to be a gorgeous downtown Savannah wedding!

Ben and Allie inspired North Carolina brides with their sweet Manteo wedding, published by The Wedding Row Charlotte. I’m so in love with these breezy beach photos and their tender love, I republished their slideshow at The Girl in the White Dress!

2012 is shaping up to be just as pretty, if not more so – my 2012 brides are planning some incredibly beautiful fêtes! (Yay! I used a French word! I’m too classy for me, even! *snicker*) I am so unbelievably excited about this year…

Vulnerability: I am a muddled mess.

2012-02-01T20:44:01Z

I went to work the morning after I got my never. It was the big one. The one that crushed a young girl’s dreams and thoroughly broke my heart. I had walked into it with so much hope. I walked out, utterly defeated. It was what he had wanted to accomplish.

There was no sleep for me that night, and no distraction. The pain, the shame – it consumed me. I shouldn’t have gone to work. I spent the day behind closed doors. I made a few calls, had a few meetings to talk with people I trusted about what had happened. They betrayed my trust.

I never quite escape that day. I don’t know why. I think it is the day the tears stopped. The day the pain went too deep. I think it is the day I found I could no longer choose to be vulnerable.

—

I met two amazing people yesterday to talk about photography, to rabbit-trail all around and get to know one another a little better. I climbed back into the car after our meeting to Fernando Ortega’s “give me Jesus,” and tried not to shatter the way I do after meeting people sometimes. Most of the time. All of the time.

“Just breathe,” I reminded myself. “You were real. Don’t worry about it.”

But my brain, which never remembers exact quotes from other people, replayed my own exact quotes, my over-loud laughter, the quiet spaces, the uncertainty I read and tried to ease. And I was right back where I was ten years ago, walking out of the room with one last brave look over my shoulder, the last time I ever really looked into his eyes – into anybody’s eyes.

Meeting people wakes my vulnerability. I don’t say hello without investing my entire heart in it. Heck, I don’t smile at somebody without investing my heart. I stayed up until midnight, watching movies cross-eyed tired. I pushed off those few moments of alone that come before I sleep, unable to face myself and my questions there.

—

The “go” is going to rip me open this year. There is a lot of “never” in this world. A lot of betrayal. Choosing life instead of busy is not easy.

But I have this new bathrobe, a fuzzy-on-the-inside, fuzzy-on-the-outside number that leaves me feeling cozy, feminine, and just me. I’m still in it. I’ve been in it for most of the last two days. I’m reading, thinking, choosing. to. be. My life right now is a pretty, muddled, rather deliberate mess, but my outlook isn’t bleak.

And while my hope is cautious, more informed than it used to be, I am relearning what it means to have faith – in God and in people. I think it’s a good thing.

I Got Mad – And I Found my Passion

2012-02-01T20:44:19Z

This year, I have committed to sharing good content on my blog. The happy, happy clap-trap that goes with so many online brands simply does not work for me. (If I share that stuff, it’s pretty much because I’m bouncing off the walls about it, and all that energy has to go somewhere. I am just sayin’.)

But over the last month, I have found that posting good content here is going to be tougher than it looks. It’s going to require that I take time to pour in, instead of putting out all the time. It requires more vulnerability than I know how to access, which is really weird for ME to be admitting.

I didn’t realize how badly I’d been failing until I stormed out of the house away from my computer yesterday how little of my passion I have been sharing here. I caveated myself all the way to the park with the kids, then called my husband and told him exactly what I was thinking. Which I would never blog because I don’t want to offend… Which is when I understood how it is possible for one to become too careful.

In all my branding and crafting of my business and professional identity, I’ve done something I never did before – I created an identity for myself outside of Christ.

So let’s try this again: I am a photographer. I am a writer. I am a wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend. I am a sinner, and I am human. But more than anything else, I am HIS, and being HIS means that I have a WHOLE LIFE that is about HIM and not about me.

Do you know that I scare good church people with what I say about freedom and grace? Do you know that I cry when I read Scripture and see God’s heart splayed out? Do you know that He has called me the Church, to His Body, to those who are longing to be free, who want more than spiritual cliché that leaves them with little besides a spiritual to-do list that keeps them firmly in control and far away from the abundant life Jesus came to provide?

There are things I know that people need to hear, things I am called to say about my God and the freedom He has given me, things about grace that aren’t just “the understood.” These are the things that have turned my gritty real life into His fine art, things that hold me innocent and keep me stayed on Him.

I am not going to ram it down anybody’s throat. I HATE THAT. I totally believe that He can speak through a life that is His, without any ten-step plans or spiritual seminars.

I’ve created different levels to my brand. I keep a faith journal over at A Restless Heart (which should be seeing one rather huge vent today), and I allow access for people to read my thoughts. I have this blog for my business/everyday stuff – this is pretty much what you’d get if you met me (yes, almost anything is fair game). And my blog at The Girl in the White Dress is client/image-centric for people who don’t want to be inundated with stuff from me. I’m the same person in each place; I’m just expressing my passion in different ways.

This year He said “GO” and not “Caveat.” He said, “rip your skin off,” and I’m done being good. He is my passion, and my deepest reason for going, doing, or trying anything. There’s nothing I can change about that. And if you want to know why? Check out A Restless Heart. Because I’m going to be saying it today.

BlissDom ’12 – I Am Going – Are You?

2012-02-01T20:44:40Z

Okay, I’m not one to jump on bandwagons, and I don’t like to travel, and I don’t generally like conferences. But I do love people, and I do love blogging, and I do love the online community of which I have become part over the last several years. And there is this conference in Nashville that has become a bit of a bandwagon over the last few years. And it happens to be run by a few of my very favorite online peoples. And one of these favorite online peoples asked me if I would be willing to attend as a community leader at this conference. (Because evidently my reputation as an introvert is NOT preceding me here…)

And since Pete and I decided it would be good for experience, connections, business, friendships, and overall health (!!!!), and since this year is evidently my year for “go”…

I’m going to be in Nashville at BlissDom ’12, partying with the girls for pretty much the first time in my whole entire life. I’m leading in the photography track (oh, if only you all knew what I don’t know!!!), and I wrote up a very professional-sounding resumé yesterday that makes me sound like I’d like to hang out with me for what I offer. What everyone else decides about me will be entirely up to them.

Kelly Sauer is a work-at-home-mom who launched a wedding photography business in 2010. An incurable restless heart, she makes fine art out of real life as she integrates her faith with her business, focusing on authentic relationships and transparent branding.

Kelly is a contributing photography editor at The High Calling, and also writes and photographs for Ungrind, an online devotional magazine. She is also the managing editor at High Calling Focus, a blog created to encourage photographers who are living their faith behind the lens.

In Kelly’s first year at Blissdom, she hopes to share from her experience with:

Authentic branding – engaging with your real life online and in your work
Life as a WAHM – building a life with a business in it
Dreams-come-true – what happens when a dream becomes reality

You know. Typical me stuff. Cleaned up a little.

I am excited. I really am. I know there are some of you going that I have been dying to meet. But I have to tell you too – I am freakedoutofmymind, because as much as I have thought about getting asked to speak or lead at something like this, I never actually believed it would happen. Or that I would agree to do it.

For the first time in my life, I’m not being written off, and that both excites and scares me, but I think that may be what Blissdom is about, the fact that nobody should be written off. I’m going to embrace this experience and see what God does. I expect my world will be blown open.

But I’m starting to get used to that…