Here’s how it works. You’re given a year and a genre (or two or three). Then there are 15 blanks. The idea is to see how quickly you can guess the movie, i.e., based on the fewest hints.

Every time you click Name That Movie and guess incorrectly, another name appears in one of the 15 blanks. But see, the first time you click it, the 15th name in the list is revealed, and then the 14th, and so on.

The list is composed of 15 actors in the movie, in descending order of credits. So if the movie is particularly star driven, like maybe Hard Target with Jean-Claude Van Damme, you won’t recognize many of the 15 (or so) names.

This quiz is uber tough.

Note: Users can create an account to track their scores and compare with others. Your score depends on how many hints you need to guess the movie correctly; obviously, you get more points for fewer hints. However, you can actually earn negative points if you need all of your hints AND those hints are big, big hints. Like say there were five big names in a movie and you needed to know all five before getting the movie right. That might earn you negative points, even though you got the movie right (eventually). Otherwise we’d all just click Guess Movie over and over until we had all the hints.

Check ‘em out!

Movies like this really get a bad rap sometimes, because they are simply slightly controlled chaos. So of course, the bar is set pretty low for these movies. The plot here feels like it’s been lifted from the remnants of a James Bond treatment, only they hacked out all the thinky stuff and went with more blowy-uppy stuff. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

In fact, one thing this movie has going for it is its simplicity of design. Bad guy steals weapons, good guys chase him to the ends of the earth, good guys save the day, bad guy shakes fist angrily and vows revenge. I mean, you can’t get much more straightforward than that, can you? Oh, sure, there are some twists thrown in to surprise you a little bit, but they don’t surprise so much as give you something else to think about for perhaps a nanosecond. Bad guys remain bad guys, good guys remain good guys, love interests remain in place so you can ogle them. That sort of thing.

A quick glance at the plot: a weapons dealer has created four warheads that can wipe out an entire city…and they’ve been stolen! The Man who Would Become Cobra Commander might be behind it, as might Destro (said arms dealer). And it’s up to the Joes, led by General Hawk (Dennis Quaid), to retrieve them. Two of the solidiers who let the warheads get away, Duke and Ripcord, join the Joes (yes, here they’re rookies, not the veterans from the TV series), but it seems that Duke (Channing Tatum) has a past with the evil Baroness (Sienna Miller), and there’s one of your love-interest connections. The other one is that Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) has the hots for Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), the brains of the outfit. That’s not saying much in this movie, but trust me, she are smart.

But above all else, it’s the effects you came to see, and they deliver. We’re well past the point where the effects have more personality than the actors, so it’s not really a debit. The effects here are awe inspiring, even on a small TV screen. I mean, where else would you see an invisibility coat? Oh, wait, Harry Potter, right. Okay, but they do have these neat suits that allow the wearer to run really fast and jump really high and smash really hard, as if they were all made out of Hulk Hands.

So what the movie lacks in terms of such niceties as character development and a logical plot it makes up for with genuinely exhilirating effects that make you feel as if you’re right there in the cockpit, or in the submarine, or in the secret lair, or even just roaming the streets of Paris in your robot suit.

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra: **1/2

One reader asked (in part):

Q. I love the new “At The Movies” with Michael Phillips and A.O. Scott (good riddance to you know who), but I must say that I still don’t get the “See It/Rent It” distinction. Either a movie is worth seeing, or it’s not, right? I mean, I think it does work on the show as a sort of “thumbs sideways” to deal with the two-and-a-half star movies that can’t quite be recommended, but still have some value that deserves to be recognized.

Ebert’s response:

A. Amen. I’ve been against “rent it” from the first time I was exposed to the concept. It makes no sense. Either a film is good enough to see, or not good enough to see. Here’s my theory about the invention of this ersatz category: It’s an attempt to pander to those who would rather die than rent a great film like, say, Hitchcock’s “North by Northwest” rather than a “rent it”-style dim bulb like “Couples Retreat.” I think some editors, not mine, are terrified that readers might get the idea a critic is stuck up. If you’d rather rent “Couples Retreat” than the new restored “North by Northwest,” “Bonnie and Clyde” or “Cool Hand Luke,” that’s what I am, stuck up, and happy to be.

Roger Ebert is missing the point here, I think. When people use a phrase like “Rent It/See It,” they are comparing the experience (and hassle) of watching a movie in the theater (See It) to watching it at home (Rent It).

Some movies just play much better in the theater, don’t they? Epics, space movies, war movies, anything with a sweeping vista or two. Westerns. Big, bigger, biggest movies. Not necessarily foreign documentaries about gay cowboys eating pudding, to borrow from South Park.

2001: A Space Odyssey is a See It movie. You’re better off seeing it in the theater, despite the cost and the complications of getting out to the theater
to doing so. (If you’re going to watch it at all, of course.) It’s a big movie.

Conversely, you can watch a film like Sleepless in Seattle at home, making it a Rent It. Certainly, you can also See It in the theater (it’s a damn good movie), so let’s think of a better one. Okay, how about The Santa Clause, with Tim Allen? Not a bad movie, but by no means is it a great, must-see-in-the-theater movie, either. Isn’t it, maybe, worth the chump change to rent it at home but not worth the $10 to see on the big screen? I say it is.

(Of course, more and more people have those giant 55-inch screens, so watching a movie at home is almost as grand as watching it in a real theater. Except you’re more likely to get those around to to shaddup when you’re watching your movie at home.)

Here’s the list!

What is missing?

This time around, Manny and Ellie (Ray Romano and Queen Latifah) are expecting, and of course Manny’s a nervous father to be. But that’s not all – the group dynamic is starting to shift in other ways as well. First, Diego (Denis Leary) is starting to feel old and in the way; second, Sid (John Leguizamo) is actually getting in the way of Manny’s well-laid plans. But like with the first couple of movies, what brings everyone together is a journey. This time around, Sid is accidentally snatched by a giant T-rex, whose eggs he had been, er, watching. And the race is on to find and rescue Sid in what’s apparently a dinocentric world right under our friends’ icy land.

The visuals are stunning. Sweeping vistas of whites and blues when the gang is at home, and vibrant hues of browns, greens, and darker blues in the land of the dinosaurs. Computer animation has gotten to the point where the movies have the same level of quality as the early Disney cel animation films. The Ice Age films are wonderfully rendered, from those stunning backgrounds to the detailed expressions of the characters.

I do hope, though, that the Ice Age films (if more are made) don’t fall into the same rut that befell the Land before Time series. There have now been thirteen LBT movies! Of course, only the first one was in theaters, but you get my drift. Let’s not see Ice Age XX: The Search for the Great Wisdom Tree or some such fluff. Now, each of the Ice Age films has been in theaters, and although none of them has been an instant classic, each has been charming fun, and the quality has not deteriorated over the films.

So in essence, the latest Ice Age film maintains the high fun quotient of its predecessors without lapsing into schmaltz or too-broad physical humor. I mean, it IS a kids’ film, after all, so there’s plenty of physical humor to be found, but the comedy isn’t based solely on pain and suffering.

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs: ***

Entries include “Leonard Part 6,” “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo,” and “Manos: Hands of Fate,” which, as Retrocrush points out, would translate as “Hands: Hands of Fate” in Spanish.

Ronny (Rogen) is the head of security at a suburban shopping mall. His day is spent ogling Anna Faris, who plays a cosmetics salesgirl, and lording his authority over his misfit fellow security cops. He is a complete and utter jerk to everyone, and not in the pompous-ass way, either. He is a truly rotten person. Oh, but he probably gets redemption somewhere down the road, right?

Seriously, there’s an entire freaking scene – five minutes or so – that consists mostly of Ronny and a minority vendor telling each other, “F— you.” “F— you.” “No, f— you.” “No, f— you.” Honest to god, that’s all they did. For five minutes!

Anyway, the thrust of the story is that there’s a flasher who’s been prowling the mall. Ronny, all swagger and whatnot, overzealously pursues the case, but when the flasher continues to strike, the real cops are called in, in the person of Ray Liotta. Detective Harrison (Liotta) puts up with Ronny’s crap for a day and then blows up at him. Because, you see, Ronny is not a cop.

Undaunted, the moronic mall cop blusters into the cop recruitment center and applies to be a policeman. One of the tests to be a cop, apparently, is that the applicant can go on a ridealong with a real cop. And guess who this nitwit chooses. Payback! Hilarity does not ensue. Harrison takes Ronny out in the middle of the projects and leaves him there. Within seconds, a gang is all up in Ronny’s grill, and he has no gun! What will he do! Well, he beats the stuffing out of all four of them with his nightstick, I am not making this up at all.

Ronny then goes to Police Academy! Woo! Montage of Ronny hurtling hurtles and stuff. Pointless and not funny. (Is he doing this while he’s supposed to be protecting Anna Faris from the flasher? Good god this movie stinks.) I’m at a loss to explain why anyone would like this movie. It’s easily the worst film Rogen’s ever done, and it’s not as if he’s the only good part in a horrendous movie. He’s the nadir of disaster here. He’s at ground zero. He is unspeakably bad. Seth Rogen can’t scream and curse and be funny all the time, apparently; sometimes he’s just your average redneck jackass. His Ronny is incredibly stupid, but his stupidity is not played for laughs, really, because he’s a mean creep. Seriously, he’s allegedly smitten with Faris’ character, but it’s clear all he wants to do is get in her pants. Know how I know that? Because he also hits on the lame (physically) coffee-shop chick, even though she’s “married to God.” Oh, I also know it because – and this is in the trailer, the previews, and every lamebrain commercial for this movie, ever – he takes advantage of Anna Faris after the latter passes out drunk. It’s a horrifying, unfunny scene. Yikes. A comedy, folks!

Oh, and did I mention he’s bipolar? Of course he is. I guess that’s supposed to excuse his crappy behavior, or something. We’re supposed to feel sorry for him! Criminey and jeepers, every time you think the movie couldn’t possibly stink more, it gets worse and worse. We have Ronny the Super Mall Cop using a TASER on an unarmed man. Timely theme, sure, but again – he’s supposed to be the good guy. Holy crap.

Observe and Report is wildly offensive and staggeringly unfunny. Rogen is seriously miscast as a colossal jerk and pervert who abuses his meager power as a mall security guard. The violence is unseemly and obscene. There’s so much anger and viciousness and bittnerness in Rogen’s attitude that you don’t laugh at him, you cringe when he’s onscreen. This is a hopeless, utter waste of time. Is this the worst film ever? No. But it’s way, way up there.

Observe and Report: 0

We get to see the actual origins of Wolverine (that is, as a young child) when he discovers that the man he just killed with his bare, uh, claws was his real dad and that the guy he thought was just a good pal is actually his brother Victor, aka Sabretooth (Liev Schreiber). Later we see Wolverine (known then as Logan) and Sabretooth fighting in four different American wars (Civil, WWI, WWII, and Vietnam), and then he and his brother are eventually brought in as part of a mutant team called Weapon X by a sinister military guy, Colonel Stryker (Danny Huston). The mutants proceed to kick everyone’s ass until Wolverine has a bout with decency and quits.

Fast forward six years later and Wolverine’s living a placid life as a lumberjack in Canada with his hot girlfriend, Kayla Silverfox, and Stryker finds him and tells him someone’s picking off the old team members (oh no!). Can Wolverine help? Who’s responsible for these deaths? I bet Stryker knows more than he’s telling. He’s sinister, you know.

If I had to sum up this movie’s plot in one word, it’d be “revenge.” Wolverine is constantly avenging someone or something. Sometimes he’s just mad in general, but usually he’s going after Sabretooth for something or going after Stryker for something or going after unnamed goons in helicopters and tanks for something. Another recurring motif is Wolverine’s angst. The guy’s like 140 years old, but he has the angst of a cuckolded teenager on prom night. At least twice he looks up to the heavens, arms spread, crying “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Yes, in this day and age of highfalutin gizmodery we still have mopey superheroes.

The movie tries so damn hard to be loved that it forgets it’s supposed to be sort of a superhero comic-book movie. There’s endless backstory about the two brothers, and it feels like it’s shoehorned in, almost as if the makers thought they had to explain themselves. Is it important to know that Wolverine’s dad was a gardener? Probably not. Did he have to visit so many of the former members of Weapon X? I’m gonna say no.

Even so, the final villain – Deadpool, who has all the strengths of the other mutants on the team and none of their weaknesses – is pretty damn scary and convincing. Trouble is, they make him so tough to kill that it’s difficult to get closure on him. If you know what I mean. I mean, he has all of the strengths of these superhuman dudes without having those namby-pamby weaknesses! What’s the point? At least the setting’s appropriate for this movie: Three Mile Island, which for you youngsters out there we should note was the scene of a major nuclear-power-plant accident in 1979, which might be when this movie’s denouement is set.

Anyway, because there’s so much exposition, there’s little room for character – either character development or an actual character OF the film. It’s bland, the porridge of comic-book movies. There’s no cleverness, no wit, nothing more than snide asides and bon mots, as if we were in a faceless Stallone movie circa 1984. Jackman’s game, of course, but he’s now played Wolverine in four movies, so this wasn’t exactly a stretch for him. I’d like to think that this clunker will put to rest any plans for future Origins installments, but I got a feeling we’ll be seeing Magneto and Storm get their tales told someday as well.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine: **

Casey Beldon (Odette Yustman) is a smart, grounded lass who begins to have nightmares about a dog with its head screwed on upside down and a little evil child. Then, while babysitting, Casey is smacked in the head with a mirror by her young charge. Then one of her pupils begins to change color! Then customer-service reps answer her on the first ring and give her refunds! Mass hysteria!

Turns out it’s all connected to a seemingly crazy old lady at the local geriatric home, played by Jane Alexander. (The lady, not the home.) And the Holocaust and Joseph Mengele. And now there’s some demon coming after Casey, determined to make her pay for sins past!

As the movie progresses, the plot gets dumber and dumber; inconsistencies are explained away with only a curt nod to logic. People act one way and then turn around and say Whoops, my bad, I lied to you because I was scared. Plus, virtually no one believes Casey when bad things begin to happen to her, because they’d rather be mean jerks than at least humor her. I’m talking about her best friend (Meagan Good) and her boyfriend (Cam Gigandet)! People like that treat Casey badly – that is, until they find out she’s not bonkers. Nice friends.

About the only good part of this movie comes near the very end. No spoilers here, but it involves an exorcism. That scene is intense, well crafted, and damn scary. Too bad it makes little sense. Look, Casey is haunted by some evil entity out for revenge, but she’s not possessed by said demon – it merely manifests itself in other forms, like bugs, a dog, other people, and so on. Haunting is not the same as possession! Everyone knows that.

Yustman isn’t bad, given the material. She’s basically a poor man’s Megan Fox and would be a rich man’s version if she too were in a megablockbuster with giant robots. She has poise, she has personality, she has dreamy eyes. But that said, this is a trifle of a film, plenty of sound and fury but basically a waste. Gary Oldman, who plays a rabbi, is solid as always.

The Unborn: **