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Why Does M. Night Shyamalan Have to Suck?

Chris Fullman — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:04:25 -0500

I've been thinking about this post for a few weeks now in anticipation of seeing The Happening. To be quite honest, up until a month or so ago, I wasn't too excited for M. Night Shyamalan's latest venture on the silver screen because of the ramped up bashing and anti-fanboy rants on many blogs like io9, Cinematical and the like. I'll have to say that after seeing the movie this Friday night, I was pleasantly happy with what I saw, except for a little wooden acting by Wahlberg... but that's neither here or there.

My first experience with Shyamalan, like many people, was with The Sixth Sense. I was thrown into 107 minutes of hauntingly beautiful film making, excellent acting and one hell of a plot twist. Then there was Unbreakable, a seemingly unofficial-yet-anti sequel that had me thinking of superheroes in a completely different light. Many found fault with Unbreakable, but that's where this disturbing trend of Shyamalan-"suck" begins, the trend where each movie is stacked up and compared to his breakout film.

Signs followed, and again we got a very elaborate story where everything came together at the climax, enabling the main character to resolve the threat posed by the antagonists. For a story that seemed more like a dramatic and dark episode of Seinfeld (you know, how there were always the 3 plots or so that magically fit together at the end to form one giant story), there was immediate comparisons to Sixth.

Here's where things get interesting: Shyamalan tried a different approach to The Village and later Lady in the Water, each with their own plot twists (which many attribute to the director/producer/writer using his "one trick pony") in an attempt to shock the viewer and give them some topics for discussion around the water cooler and with friends while diving deep into a driving mythos. Lady was ultimately marketed as "a bedtime story," a concept so alarming it caused Shyamalan to leave Disney over "creative differences" and move the production over to Warner Bros. Granted, each of those films had their flaws, Lady seemingly suffering more than The Village because of the hectic production process.

For those who know me, they know that I look at any film, no matter what it is, for its production and artistic value. After all, if there's poor cinematography, lighting, scoring, acting, dialogue, the movie is for not. Sure, I might judge movies differently than most people, but in the end, I'm still watching and enjoying (or at least, trying to enjoy) the same movie everyone else does.

I took Lady for what it was worth, and following the "bedtime story," it was certainly excellent in fulfilling its promise. It had every element of the stories we'd hear when we were children, wrapped up in bed listening to a loved one lull us to sleep with a far-fetched adventure or anecdote - usually never quite staying up late enough to hear the ending.

Each of Shyamalan's movies are inarguably held up to "The Sixth Standard" (yes, I'm coining the phrase), where each new entry from Shyamalan is held to the same ideals and expectations we've made for ourselves, and each time being disappointed by what we get. I've always lived the motto "if you have expectations, you deserve to be disappointed," and in many cases, I believe that holds true to The Sixth Standard.

Moviegoers and critics alike have formed two camps when it comes to Shyamalan's films: on one side, he couldn't possibly go wrong, and on the other side, he can't get any better and continues to get worse.

I tend to judge and watch each of Shyamalan's movies as separate stories and techniques, because each movie truly should be treated as a standalone film... there are no recurring plots, there are no connections other than a few tribute references and Easter eggs, and there is no franchise of pictures that this could be packaged in other than "The Shyamalan Collection."

With all said and done, when people are boycotting Shyamalan movies and getting up-in-arms with comments encouraging other moviegoers to save their money and to not even rent the video when it's released in stores, why should we hold Shyamalan to The Sixth Standard?

Shyamalan is certainly no stranger to criticism, and like many, he can certainly take his criticism and react: His cameo in The Happening was severely reduced over the larger, key roles he's played in Lady and Signs.

Let's take his movies for what they are, a frequent vacation from reality and a story so unique, it can't be true... or can it? Or do we liken Shyamalan to Rod Serling or Alfred Hitchcock, both whom created stories that weren't widely accepted until much later in history and be done with it?

Do I enjoy Shyamalan's movies? Yes, and I certainly applaud him for taking risks to tell stories his way as opposed to "the Hollywood way." After all, many of the great filmmakers have their own stumbling blocks in their careers... the same can certainly be said of George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Michael Bay, directors and producers of some of Hollywood's biggest hits.

In the end, you can think of Shyamalan any way you please. At least we know he's nowhere near the bottom of the pit Uwe Boll is in.

Weezer's "Pork and Beans" is the Best Music Video Evar

Chris Fullman — Sun, 25 May 2008 14:55:46 -0500

Or at least, at this moment.

Every once and a while there's a video that I have to show everyone. (The last one actually made it into this video from Weezer's new album.) This video contains some of the past 2-3 years' best and most popular viral videos around the net.

If the video above doesn't appear, click here to see it on YouTube.

To see the full list of clips, visit the "Weezer Understands How to Use YouTube" post on Valleywag.

The best part of the video is the fact that Weezer got all of the original personas/characters to appear in the music video reprising the clips that made them internet celebrities. One thing is certain: Miss Teen South Carolina 2007 might not ever be able to get away from her "maps" snafu, but she can certainly show she can take a laugh and still look beautiful doing it.

Sick of Being Sick

Chris Fullman — Mon, 19 May 2008 20:41:32 -0500

So here I am, still getting over my 7th cold since just before last Christmas. This time I've been the lucky recipient of my chronic bronchitis, which had seemed overdue for a while. I breathe in, I cough. I breathe out, I cough. I cough, and I cough some more. This morning I coughed so much that I started to cough up -- well, we'll just leave it at that.

My sister is also suffering from a stomach virus that's been passed around the office a good few times. She finally started eating again today so I made an awesome chicken, rice, saffron and jalapeno soup. On that topic, I'm waiting for a "stay the hell out of the office when you're sick" policy to be established so people stop getting sick so often.

I'm sitting in my living room attempting to catch up on 3 weeks of recorded episodes on my DVR. I hadn't watched TV in a while, so episodes started being deleted to make room for the newer episodes, prompting me to watch some shows on Hulu before seeing the episodes I had stored on my recorder.

So many shows have had their season finales in the past 3 weeks it seems, and perhaps thanks to the writer's strike, they've been pretty strong throughout their shortened run. So far, CSI had a very strong last few episodes and a cliffhanger finale, Supernatural too. Battlestar Galactica is getting increasingly tense as is Lost and Smallville. Battlestar is going to be particularly tough to watch as it gets closer to the scheduled series finale next year.

Back to TV and some more chicken soup. If I'm feeling well enough tonight, I'll type up a recipe. I just have to remember what I did, seeing is how I rarely pay attention to measurements and go by taste when I'm cooking.

Broken Windows and Wasted Time

Chris Fullman — Sun, 04 May 2008 11:05:28 -0500

One of my curses (some see it as a gift) is knowing computers in and out -- at least, when it comes to reformatting, configuring and setting Windows XP up as cleanly and efficiently as possible. I'm asked all the time to help people with their computers, most of the time without any expectation of getting paid. (Mind you, it's not my job to fix computers, but a little money here and there wouldn't hurt either.)

I've been doing this for people for about 10 years now, maybe a bit longer. I've been doing it for AgencyNet for almost 4 years now, especially when some employees really muck up their computer. (Cough.)

With each new reformat/reinstallation, I've come to the conclusion that Windows is just a broken mess of software that really needs to be managed. Yeah, that's what I said.

Take this last example, I'm helping a coworker out with a computer for a kid he's a Big Brother to. The computer had all sorts of rootkits and trojan viruses on it, what a mess. It got to the point where after I cleaned it out and thought it was all set, it just popped up again. Safe Mode couldn't help me, updated virus definitons and Windows Defender definitions couldn't help me, nothing could, except a reformat.

So I reformatted, and then once Windows was up and I was sure the virus was gone, began the expected lengthy process of updates.

Since Windows XP Service Pack 2 came out in August of 2004, there have been about 125 updates or so that have come out since then. The problem with these updates is they have to be installed in stages, restarting in between. This causes for no less than about 12 restarts, checking for more updates, seeing new updates made available because you installed some software or technology that has updates after that, lather, rinse, repeat. This brings just the Windows installation process to about 3 hours alone.

Good God.

Microsoft is dragging their feet on releasing Service Pack 3 (which has been due any day now) because of some compatibility problem that affects a small percentage of consumers. If I had access to this, this would have cut the installation down to just under an hour.

This only makes me want to move far away from Windows with each reinstallation I do. There's got to be a better way...