Fulmer's Belly

Now what do we call ourselves?

2010-01-15T23:35:40Z

There was a lot of talk when Fulmer was let go that we should change our names to Kiffin’s Visor, or Kiffin’s Big Mouth, or Kiffin’s Turncoating Ass…

We now welcome Vince Derek Dooley as the next coach of the Tennessee Volunteers. Honestly, before today, we didn’t even know that there was a Derek Dooley (we’ve decided to call him “D. Doo” by the way). So, what should we call ourselves now? Dooley’s under .500 record? Dooley’s super dark mane?

It’s unfair to judge the guy before he does anything, so we’ll try to keep an open mind and see what happens.

Good Luck D. Doo! Because Fulmer’s Belly is watching.

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Update…

2010-01-15T09:05:36Z

So, just to update. The Tennessee coaching gossip carousel has gone from “zomg, it might be these coaches” to “we have just hired…” so and so coach.

So if we are to believe in the internet posts, Tennessee now has approximately 9 head coaches, which I suppose, is a better solution than not having any head coaches.

To recap, David Cutcliffe, Troy Calhoun, Will Muschamp, Lovie Smith, Mike Tomlin, Mike Shanahan, Bill Cowher, Jon Gruden and Skip Holtz are ALL our new head coaches. So suck it losers with only 1 coach!

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Breaking News!

2010-01-14T21:59:17Z

Chris Low is now reporting that Chris Low, is a candidate for the Tennessee Football job. Chris Low, a writer for ESPN reports that Chris Low, a writer for ESPN, has put his name into consideration according to a report by Chris Low from ESPN.

Reprinted from WVLT via WBIR via WWTF

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Speculation…

2010-01-14T20:09:51Z

We need to write a couple quickie posts because there’s rampant speculation going around about certain coaching candidates. We’re gonna run down a few quickly.

1. Troy Calhoun – Depending on who you ask, this is a done deal. Please. No. First of all, the triple option is kind of… ugh. And secondly, if we were going to run the TO, I’d want Paul Johnson to do it.
Per ESPN.. who always prints only the truth:

Calhoun is 25-14 in three seasons at Air Force, including three consecutive trips to the Armed Forces Bowl.

2. David Cutcliffe - Einstein’s Theory of relativity basically says that things are perceived differently depending on the comparative, or relative, objects. This being said, Cutcliffe looks like a much better hire in the face of Calhoun’s name being thrown around. But if you put his name up against say, a Bob Stoops, it’s not quite as shiny.

Although as we write this, apparently, the aforementioned internet talking heads, have already stated that Calhoun and Cutcliffe propose to remain at their current institutions. Thanks internet!

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Sourcing

2010-01-14T19:52:15Z

One interesting side effect of looking for a new coach (again), is that with the advent of the internet, any Billy Bob Computer User (yes, we realize that that was a bit stereotypically stereotypical… and yes, we realize that “stereotypically stereotypical” isn’t a permeating syllogism) can “lawg on to the internets and post me some rumors.”

What we are talking about mostly, is the influx of “unconfirmed reports” and “reliable sources” with the inside line into whatever process that takes place at the local Waffle House window booth. Not the one next to the bathrooms, because that one smells funny.

So, an anonymous dude, signs onto the internet, writes that they have “inside information” that Vince Lombardi, is coming out of retirement (and death), to coach the Tennessee Vols back to prominence. All the while, sitting on their boat on a river, talking to their fishing buddy about who they think would be cool.

That being said, our sources tell us that we, the writers of Fulmer’s Belly, are officially OUT of contention to be head coaches of the Tennessee Football program, as we too, are happy at Texas, and looking forward to taking over when Mack Brown retires.

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Fallout

2010-01-13T23:08:45Z

Well, we hear a certain rotund coach still needs a job.

OK, so, moving on from the turncoat. We here at Fulmer’s Belly have spoken at length about who we would like as our shiny new coach.

Interestingly, if anything has happened, this has completely galvanized the Tennessee community against a common enemy. The former Fulmer lovers and the former Kiffin lovers are now all united against Kiffin.

But you know what? Fuck that guy. Here’s our list. In reverse order.

5. Former NFL Coach – Now, this isn’t a specific candidate, but you know, we need someone that knows what college is about. We’re not against a coach who might have originally been a successful college guy and dipped his feet in the NFL pool, but as an overall, the pure NFL coach usually doesn’t make it in college, and with the way recruiting is nowadays, if a coach doesn’t know how to do that, it won’t work, especially at Tennessee.

4. David Cutcliffe – Now, hear us out. Everyone knows that Fulmer can’t come back. If for no other reason than Hamilton won’t let him back, but honestly, it’d be a step in the wrong direction, and we here love Fulmer as much as anyone (although we wholly supported Kiffin at the time). Cutcliffe is in fact an offensive mastermind, and has strong Tennessee ties, is sort of wasting away at Duke, and likely would come back to Tennessee in a heartbeat. He’d likely have to bring back John Chavis as a defensive coordinator, and he would have to learn how to recruit, which traditionally hasn’t really been his strongest suit. That being said, he seems to try to do things the right way, teaching his players at Duke responsibility

3. Tommy Tuberville – Now, this hire obviously has a few caveats. Tuberville just accepted a job a week ago as the Texas Tech head coach and honestly, is probably kicking himself in the ass because of it. Honestly, if you’re Tommy Tuberville right now, and have just taken whatever job is available, and a week later, a job in the SEC turns up where you can stick it to Auburn every once in awhile, you’re probably pretty pissed.

Obviously that’s the biggest obstacle, having him turncoat on his new school immediately after being hired. I suppose that might look bad to most fans, but with the possibility of having Tuberville as your coach, would you not sort of look the other way at the appalling irony of the situation?

Of course Tuberville could always say something like “Oh, TTU, I thought the T stood for Tennessee? It doesn’t? Oh man… this is awkward… Um, I gotta run.”

2. Will Muschamp – The current Texas Defensive Coordinator, former Auburn DC under Tuberville, named Texas Coach In Waiting. Now, Muschamp sort of has everything going for him at this point, but honestly, he’s been an coordinator forever, and probably is chomping at the bit to be a head coach. He has previous SEC experience (and success), and with Mack Brown’s new contract extension, Muschamp probably won’t be looking at the big chair for at least 5-8 more years.

Prior to his stint at Auburn, Muschamp served as Defensive Coordinator for the LSU Tigers under Nick Saban where they won a BCS National Title, and then a short stint at Miami. Muschamp is known as a strong worker, and a great motivator of teams, and if a team hired him as a head coach, other teams and coaches in the SEC would likely be at the least intimidated, and at the most, shitting themselves.

1. Jim Harbaugh – Now, some people might be thinking that this is a bad #1 choice, but we have some backup to our argument here. Here are our reasons for supporting Harbaugh (reposted from online forums in which we participate):

Former College QB at Michigan, Heisman finalist, Big Ten Player of the year, first round draft pick of the Chicago Bears

Followed by a somewhat tumultuous NFL career, where he was traded in ‘97 for eventual starter, Peyton manning

Followed up by success at the University of San Diego going 7-4, 11-1, 11-1 in his 3 years there

Taking over at a traditionally weak football school with high academic credentials in Stanford in 2007, leading the cardinal to a 4-8 record, followed up by a 5-7 record, then an 8-5 record last season tying for second place in the Pac 10 with 2 consecutive wins against Southern California… at STANFORD

Reminds me of a young, Steven Orr Spurrier if you ask me.

Now, some people have mentioned that the talk around Michigan is that they want to hire Harbaugh once RichRod is fired after the end of next season since he’s “a Michigan Man,” but that’s why if you’re Hammy right now, the next coach, is going to have a buyout clause that is almost the same as his salary. Something so high as to very much discourage any turncoat behavior.

Of course, after all of this, the humble owners of this blog are still available. We’ll go for it on every 4th down (under 10 yards), and we’ll run up the score whenever we feel like it’s funny, and we’ll do it on the cheap. And we’d never leave Tennessee unless we got fired. Or the SC job comes open.

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Urbie and Sunshine Vol. 2

2009-11-03T15:08:37Z

So, we’ve got a new special that we decided to unveil. Last week was the premiere strip of the greatest thing to hit the interwebs since 2 girls and a cup. It’s the (sort of) animated adventures of Urbie Masters and Sunshine Griffin! It is our take on a Cali dude coming to a new school with a previously established pecking order. Hopefully you’ll enjoy the series. Check it out…

And without further ado, we bring you:

Strip #2 of The ADVENTURES of Urbie Masters and Sunshine Griffin!

(Click for full strip)

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