Fun & Humor

Short Jokes & Funny One Liners

noreply@blogger.com (Suraj k.c) — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 08:28:00 +0000

They lived happily until they married
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What did one ghost say to another ghost? “Do you believe in people?”
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They call our language the mother tongue because father seldom gets to talk
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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
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Sanjay: I passed by your house yesterday.
Anil: Thanks, I really appreciate it.
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The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
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I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery.
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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There’s water in the carburetor”. I said, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In the lake.”
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I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
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Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
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If you really love someone, throw the ball and say "Fetch!"
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What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 45 pounds!!
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Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
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Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
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Love is talking about having children. Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
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Love is cuddling on a sofa. Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
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Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
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I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.
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Ask to see my tattoo of a rose, but don't ask outside. I'm constantly bothered by bees.
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Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
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I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
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Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.

Best Homer Simpson Quotes. Ever.

noreply@blogger.com (Suraj k.c) — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 07:55:00 +0000

I was a big fan of the Simpson's, can you believe how long the show has been around? Everyone has their favorite characters, but mine is definately Homer. This guy says the funniest (and often completely true) things. Here is a list of the all time best Homer Simpson quotes ever.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird," and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin… but what good does that do me?

I hope I didn’t brain my damage.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.

Well, that does it for me. If you've got anymore that I missed - or you have your own favorites, add them below in the comments. All the cool kids are doin' it.

Blonde Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Suraj k.c) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 16:30:00 +0000

Chased by farmer

A blonde brunette and a red head were all getting chased by a farmer, so the brunette hid in the dog house, the red head hid in the cat house, and the blonde hid in a sack of potatoes. The farmer came in and kicked the dog house, the brunette barked and he thought that was normal. he kicked the cat house and the red head meowed, he thought that was normal. He kicked the sack of potatoes and the blonde went "Patatoe" "patatoe"

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The bathroom

In a bathroom in New York somewhere, if you tell a lie you disapear. A Brunette walks into the bathroom. "I am the Hottest girl in New York!" POOF she disappeared. A red headed girl walks into the bathroom. "I am the smartest girl in New York!!" POOF she disappeared. A blonde walks in the bathroom. "I Think..." POOF she disappears.

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One eyed blonde

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says ''Look at that dog with one eye!''

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says ''Where?''

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Two Blondes

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver:'

'Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?'' The bus driver shakes his head and says,'

'No, I'm sorry.'

' At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: '

‘will it take ME?’

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A blind guy's mistake.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 pound blond with a black belt in karate. What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 pounds, and he's a blond weight lifter." He continues, "The fella to your right is blond, 6'5" and pushing 300 pounds, and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.”

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Burnt Ears.

A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.

"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."

"What about the other one?"

"They called back."

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Blonde laughs on Friday.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?

Tell her a joke on Monday.

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It’s all about luck.......

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude." They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away. For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."

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100 stairs

To get into heaven you had to walk up 100 stairs but on each stair god asks you a joke if you laugh you go to HELL. So the brunette gets to the 56th stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then red-head gets to the 97th stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then the blonde gets into heaven and bursts out laughing then god asked her "why are you laughing?" the blonde replied "I just got the first one!"

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Blonde Cop

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer (also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

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Two blonds going to California....

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

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The other side

A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the blonde "Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?"

And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back "You ARE on the other side!"

Sardar Santa singh and Banta singh

noreply@blogger.com (Suraj k.c) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 20:04:00 +0000

Sardar in Archery Contest.

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.

The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position…He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM…… ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!

The second archer with a cape lines up in position.He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood’s arrow into two!!!He takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!

Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position… He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams:I AM…… SORRY

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Santa's Computer Interview

Santa attended a technical interview for a programmer's job.

Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?

A. Terms are different ... Nothing more

Q. What is JFC ?

A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?

A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ?

A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?

A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?

A. Non living things can't communicate.

Q. What is meant by flickering ?

A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?

A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?

A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?

A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. When is update method called ?

A. Who is update method?

Q. What is JAR file ?

A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI ?

A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a Java Script?

A. I will give invitation.

Q. How you can know about drivers and database information ?

A. I will go and enquire in the bus dep to.

Q. What is serialization ?

A. Arranging one after the other from left to right.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?

A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?

A. When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.

Q. What is the exact diffe rence between Unicast and Multicast object ?

A. If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast, else it is multicast.

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Santa Banta on Double Decker Bus.

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh.He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death.

He says, "Are Banta Singh!What the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there "

Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "

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Kya Maal Hai

Ek baar do sardar ek ladki ko dekh rahe the

1st sardar: Kya maal hain yaar,

2nd sardar: Maal se yaad aaya, bhabhiji kaisi hain ????

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Sardar And The English Movie.

Once a sardar watches an english movie and disscusses about the film the next day with his friend

SARDAR: saala kal raat maine 3 ghannte ka ek english picture ki CD dekhi ,na koi scenes dikhe na koi awaaz sunni,

FRIEND: Picture ka naam kya tha?????

SARDAR: "NO DISC INSERTED"

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Sardar And The Nobel Prize.

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, “Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?”

Santa replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”

"How?” asks the man, puzzled.

”Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”

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Going Home Early.

Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?

The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.

The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.

The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.

The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”

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Sardar in Pain.

A Sardar went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.

"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the man.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The Sardar touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then he touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch!

That hurts, too." Then he touched his right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", he cried.

The doctor checked him thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

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Sardar and the American Tourist.

An American tourist in Punjab walked into a beautiful deserted forest and found a lovely pool in it, and decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed and just as she was about to dive in, Santa Singh the gardner appeared from behind the bushes where he was hiding all along and said, 'Madam! Swimming not allowed!''

You could have told me that before I took off my clothes!', the American woman scolded him.

Santa Singh replied, 'Madam, only swimming not allowed, taking off clothes allowed!

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Letter to Bill Gates.

This letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft.

Subject: Problems with my new computer.

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run ' he ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprizing that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided "My Recent Documents". When you will provide "My Past Documents"?

10. You provide "My Network Places". For God shake please do not provide "My Secret Places". I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta singh.

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Sardar wins the Lottery.

A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs.

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh

today and then you'll get the rest spread

out for the next 19 weeks."

The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want

it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest

during the next 19 weeks.

The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If

you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right

now, then I want my five rupees back!"

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Santa and Banta

Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.) Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

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Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone." "I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

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Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

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Two horses

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses. Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses. So,one day, Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.While doing so, an enemy of Santa looks at him. This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta. By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right ear, then his tail, then makes him blind and so on. And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta's horse. At last Santa's horse had no legs left and banta's horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution, How to diffrenciate their horses. So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O.K! You keep the black one and i will keep the white

Men do remember Anniversaries

noreply@blogger.com (Suraj k.c) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 07:23:00 +0000

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

Top 5 Jokes of 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Suraj k.c) — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 15:52:00 +0000

#1. Duck in a Bar
This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes"?

The bartender says, "No we only sell beer here". The duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes"?

The bartender says, "No I told you we only sell beer, and if you ask me again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar.” So the duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender “Do you have any nails"? The bartender says "no".

The duck asks "Do you have any grapes"?
-- Scott Pruitt

#2. Useful Ailment
One of my friends, a musician, is always upbeat. Nothing gets her down. But when she developed ringing in one ear, I was concerned it might overwhelm even her. When I asked if her condition was especially annoying to a musician, she shook her head. "Not really," she said cheerfully. "The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello a half-tone lower."
-- Kathleen Cahill

#3. Case Study
I was having a drink at a local restaurant with my friend Justin when he spotted an attractive woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering his courage, he approached her and asked, "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responded by yelling at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't come over to your place tonight!"

With everyone in the restaurant staring, Justin crept back to our table, puzzled and humiliated. A few minutes later, the woman walked over to us and apologized.

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," she said, "but I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying human reaction to embarrassing situations."

At the top of his lungs Justin responded, "What do you mean, two hundred dollars?"
-- J. Smodish

#4. Pucker Up
One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a while.

They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned over to John. "Don't look now," I whispered, "but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he's got a gun."

Without hesitating, John turned to me. "Quick, Ed," he said, "kiss me on the lips."
-- E.J. Kramer

#5. Bar Order
Three vampires walk into a bar. "What can I get ya?" asks the bartender.

"Blood," orders the first vampire.

"Make it two," says the second.

The bartender looks at the third. "What about you, buddy?"

"Plasma," says the vampire.

"Okay," replies the barman. "Let me make sure I've got this straight. Two bloods and a blood light."
-- Weston Davis

Funny Status For Facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Suraj k.c) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 11:49:00 +0000

is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf's a minute.

says we could merge My Space, Facebook, You Tube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

has advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

doesn't care if he is going to hell because at least it will be warm there and he'll know people.

wants to remind everyone that if you're too open-minded, you're brains WILL fall out.

is cle'a]ni.ng he'r ke]yb29oa;rd

feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.

is wondering.... if money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

doesn't suffer from insanity... he enjoys every minute of it.

isn't going to take life seriously... Nobody gets out alive anyway

is retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today.

first we had mad cow disease, then we had bird flu, now we have swine flu, O.M.F.G it's FARMAGGEDON.

says without ME you're just AWESO.

hates people that take drugs... customs for example

knows everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

was thinking, and came up with a thought, and thought about it.

is a very good bad example

wants to say to the nice stranger he saw while driving around, "Next time you wave at me, use all of your fingers."

People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.

is proud somebody actually complimented him on his driving abilities today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.'

Wonders if 90% of the people don’t have it, why do they call it common sense.

wonders why sheep don't shrink when it rains!

is wondering why, if it's sent by ship it's cargo, if it's sent by road it's a shipment.

is always told alcohol doesn't solve any problems...but then again, neither does milk.

can hum in 50 different languages!

is so poor that he can't even afford to pay attention.

is right 98% of the time. So why worry about the other 3%?

Me, fail english? UNPOSSIBLE !! Me goodest !!

Eh! Bee! See! Dee! Eie! Eff! Jee! Aych! Eye! Jay! Kay! Elle! Em! Enn! Oh! Pee! Cue! Are! Ass! Tea! You! Vee! Double You! Ex! Why! Zee!

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

says "You'll never have to go to the post office again, 'cause I'm all the male you'll ever need..."

Dont think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!!

You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.

say Facebook is like the Hotel Californina. You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave.

♪♪♫ this is my background music,not my fault you can’t hear it ♫♪♪

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face

says yes I admit I'm STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand.

is wondering why abbreviation is such a long word?

is trying to find out who farted, was it you?

Thinks artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Did you know there are female hormones in beer? If you drink too much it makes you talk stupid and drive poorly.

I am a vegetarian because I eat only goat and they are vegetarian too.

If you notice this notice, you'll notice that this notice isn’t even worth noticing.

is Loading ████████████ 99%

--^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death.

Funny SMS

noreply@blogger.com (Suraj k.c) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 05:35:00 +0000

Sign post outside our collage-
"Drive Carefully, Don't kill the students, wait for the LECTURERS!”

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Scientists all over the world
are wondering how long a human
being can live without a brain...
Kindly tell them your age...

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What happened to your network?
I tried to call you but the operator
said,"Welcome 2 the jungle,
the monkey u r trying to call is
on the tree....Plz try later."

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Son asks his Dad difference between LOVE, BELIEF & RELIEF

Father says:
Your Mom is my LOVE.
Your maid is my RELIEF
& I'm your Dad - well, that's my BELIEF.

____________________________________________________________

Blonde is on one side of a lake and yells to another blonde across the lake, 'How do I get to the other side?'

The other blonde yells back, 'You are on the other side!'

____________________________________________________________

Best pick up line 2 approach a girl!

Go to her & ask "Is your dad a terrorist"

She'll say "what?"

Then u say "No, No. I asked coz u r such a Bomb"

____________________________________________________________

Q: What did the blonde's mom say
to her before her date.

A: If you're not in bed by 12,
come home.

____________________________________________________________

No matter how sad, no matter
how blue, I feel better just
thinking of u.

But I’m happier each time I
sms u because I know I’ll be
disturbing u!

____________________________________________________________

Like energy Love can’t neither
be created nor destroyed....

It can just be transferred from
one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

____________________________________________________________

When your life is in darkness
pray 2 God ask him 2 free u
from darkness & if after u
pray & you’re still in darkness,
plz. Pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!

____________________________________________________________

Being happy is like peeing in
your pants, everyone sees it,
but only you can feel the warmth.

____________________________________________________________

Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind?
Husband: That you are a Lesbian!

____________________________________________________________

Q:) What happened to Batman & Robin
when they got hit by a train?

A:) They became Flatman and Ribbon!

____________________________________________________________

Different Phases of a man

After engagement : Superman
After Marriage : Gentleman
After 10 years : Watchman
After 20 years : Doberman

____________________________________________________________

Teacher: I wish you would
pay a little attention!
Student: I m paying as
little as I can sir!

____________________________________________________________

Little birdie in the sky,
you look up and it shits in your eye.
You don't mind and you don't cry,
you just thank God that cows don't fly.

____________________________________________________________

When he cancels a date
it is because he has to,
when she cancels a date
it is because she has two.

____________________________________________________________

My friend, the best quality
that I like about u is that,
U R very sentimental ....
10% Senti and 90% Mental..!

____________________________________________________________

When I C the moon I C U
When I C the stars I C U
When I C the Sea I C U
Get out of the way U R
always blocking my view.

____________________________________________________________

Q: How do you sink a
submarine full of blondes?

A: Knock on the door.

Why Husband & Wife Fight?

noreply@blogger.com (Suraj k.c) — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 08:19:00 +0000

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started..........

------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

---------------------------------

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started...

------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....

--------------------------------------------

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her boobs look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....

---------------------------------------------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I am your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started....

------------------------------------------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

------------------------------------------------

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to sleep?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....

-------------------------------------------------------------------

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
and then the fight started...