Fun Feed - FunEnclave

Fun Feed - FunEnclave http://www.funenclave.com/ Daily dose of jokes, funny forwards and reality bites from FunEnclave en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:56:16 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.funenclave.com/images/fun_enclave/misc/rss.jpg Fun Enclave - 6,7,62 http://www.funenclave.com/ Human Body Facts - Vol. 1 http://www.funenclave.com/reality-bites/human-body-facts-vol-1-a-33447.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:37:08 GMT As you age, your eye color gets lighter. There are 206 bones in the adult human body, but 300 in children (some of the bones fuse together as a child grows). The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year. It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely digest. The... As you age, your eye color gets lighter.

There are 206 bones in the adult human body, but 300 in children (some of the bones fuse together as a child grows).

The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year.

It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely digest.

The longest living cells in the body are brain cells which can live an entire lifetime.

There are more living organisms on the skin of a single human being than there are human beings on the surface of the earth.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of "Lorne Greene's Animal Kingdom".

Life expectancy for Russian men has actually gone down over the past 40 years. A Russian male born today can expect to live an average 58 years.

In 1985, the most popular waist size for men's pants was 32. In 2003, it's 36.

Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.

In 2004, one in six girls in the United States enter puberty at age 8. A hundred years ago, only one in a hundred entered puberty that early.

Newest trend in the Netherlands: Tiny jewels implanted directly into the eye.

A British gymnast survived a fall from a fourth story window because he went into a somersault and came down on two feet.

Jeffrey and Sheryl McGowen in Houston turned to vitro fertilization. Two eggs were implanted in Sheryl's womb, and both of them split. Sheryl gave birth to two sets of identical twins at once.

In 1991, the average bra size in the United States was 34B. Today it's 36C.

The average North Korean 7-year-old is almost three inches shorter than the average South Korean 7-year-old.

Every year, 2700 surgical patients go home from the hospital with metal tools, sponges, and other objects left inside them. In 2000, 57 people died as a result of these mistakes.

We forget 80 percent of what we learn everyday.

Pain is measured in units of "dols". The instrument used to measure pain is a "dolorimeter".

The Amish a diet high in meat, dairy, refined sugars and calories. Yet obesity is virtually unknown among them. The difference is since they have no TVs, cars or powered machines, they spend their time in manual labor.

As of January 1, 2004, the population of the United States increases by one person every 12 seconds. There is a birth every eight seconds, an immigrant is added every 25 seconds, but a death every 13 seconds.

Astronauts cannot burp in space. There is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

Fidgeting can burn about 350 calories a day.

Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.

A baby is born without kneecaps. They appear between age 2 and 6.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

In a recent survey, Americans revealed that banana was their favorite smell.

The arteries and veins surrounding the brain stem called the "circle of Willis" looks like a stick person with a large head.

Brushing your teeth regularly has been shown to prevent heart disease.

A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

Your nose and ears never stop growing.

Men get hiccups more often than women.

Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day.

Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe.

One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

The average person laughs 15 times a day. ]]> Reality Bites Bluffmaster http://www.funenclave.com/reality-bites/human-body-facts-vol-1-a-33447.html <![CDATA[The World's Shortest Books]]> http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/the-worlds-shortest-books-33446.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:30:35 GMT The World's Shortest Books
These books don't have much content.

HOW TO BE GOOD by Amy Winehouse

MY SUCCESSFUL PRESIDENCY by George Bush

MY LIFE OF CELIBACY by Gene Simmons

FUN THINGS TO DO IN TOLEDO

POLISH WAR HEROES

NATIVE ESPERANTO SPEAKERS

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SUNSETS by Helen Keller

HOW TO FIND OSAMA BIN LADEN by George Bush

MOTHERHOOD by Britney Spears

HOW TO LEAD A TEAM TO A WORLD SERIES by Barry Bonds

HEALTHY FAST FOOD

ULTIMATE GUIDE TO ACTING by Keanu Reeves

JEWISH SPORTS LEGENDS

PEOPLE WHO RESPECTED ME by Paula Abdul

THE SCHIZOPHRENIC: AN UNAUTHORIZED AUTOBIOGRAPHY

THE VALUE OF PRE-WAR INTELLIGENCE by George W. Bush

HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A BLOWTORCH

HOW TO BE FUNNY by Gilbert Gottfried

MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson

ZAGAT'S GUIDE TO CITIES WITHOUT A STARBUCKS

THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION

TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT

FAST & EFFICIENT WINDOWS PROGRAMS

HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA

GUN SAFETY by Dick Cheney

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman

THE WILD YEARS by Al Gore

BEATING A DRUG ADDICTION by Darryl Strawberry

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN

AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS

DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE

DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB

DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES

EASY UNIX

ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE

EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN

EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN

FRENCH HOSPITALITY

GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES

HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER by Art Garfunkel

MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

SPOTTED OWL RECIPES

FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES

STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton

BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno

HOME BUILT AIRPLANES by John Denver

HOW I BECAME A STUD by Kenny G

FUN WITH UNIX

MY BORING TEENAGE YEARS by Miley Cyrus

HOW TO GET INTO THE SUPERBOWL by Dan Marino

THINGS I CAN'T AFFORD by Bill Gates

:rofl::rofl: ]]> Fun Stuff Bluffmaster http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/the-worlds-shortest-books-33446.html True Facts - Vol. 1 http://www.funenclave.com/reality-bites/true-facts-vol-1-a-33444.html Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:15:49 GMT The odds are 1 in 39 (2.56%) that you will hit a deer with your car this year, if you drive in West Virginia. - The Week Magazine, 10/9/09

An IMAX projector's bulb is so powerful that if it was pointed upward, it could be seen by astronauts on the International Space Station. - Discover Magazine, 6/09

Drug investigators raided a Polk County, Florida home in a search for drugs. They were caught on a security camera playing Wii bowling for nine straight hours. - The Week Magazine, 10/9/09

The frozen head of baseball great Ted Williams was in a cryonic company's freezer on a used cat food (tuna) can. When an employee was transferring the head from one location to another, he tried to remove the tuna can, but it wouldn't budge. So he grabbed a monkey wrench, heaved a mighty swing but missed the can - hitting the head "dead center". Tiny pieces of frozen head sprayed across the room. - San Diego Union, 10/3/09

A recent study shows that weight gain may depend on when you eat as well as what you eat. If you eat when your body thinks it should be sleeping, you might be doing "double damage". - The Week Magazine, 9/25/09

A South African company tested its Internet Service Provider. It took 2 hours, 7 minutes to download data over a fifty mile distance. The same data took a carrier pigeon, carrying a flash drive, fifty minutes less. - Time Magazine, 9/28/09

The odds are 1 in 33 (3%) that you have been a target of sexual advances by a priest, minister, rabbi or other religious leader (if you're a woman). - The Week Magazine, 9/25/09

22,000 Americans die annually because they lack health insurance. - Newsweek, 9/21/09

Chinese officials have smeared butter along a 1,000-foot-long steel bridge to prevent people from jumping off it. - The Week Magazine, 9/11/09

The United States is the only developed nation where medical bankruptcies occur. - Newsweek, 9/21/09

The Ellen DeGeneres Show is being sued by four of the world's biggest record companies, accused of using more than 1,000 songs without permission. - The Week Magazine, 9/25/09

34,000,000 pounds of Parmesan cheese are being held in Italian bank vaults as collateral from cheesemakers struggling through the recession. The cheese is valued at $187,000,000. - Newsweek, 9/14/09

Australian 16-year-old Jessica Watson launched her yacht to become the youngest person to sail solo, non-stop and unassisted around the world. 24 hours later, she crashed into a freighter. - The Week Magazine, 9/25/09

The stage for rock supergroup U2's latest tour weighs 340,000 pounds and needs 120 trucks to transport it from city to city. - Rolling Stone, 10/15/09

The United States has 2,300,000,000 square feet of space in self-storage units. This is 7 square feet per citizen. - The Week Magazine, 9/18/09

Having an obese spouse raises the risk of becoming obese by 37%. If a friend became obese, the risk skyrockets to 171%. - Wired Magazine, 10/09

The odds are 1 in 71 (1.4%) that your bag arrived at your destination at a different time than you did when flying commercial airlines. - The Week Magazine, 8/28/09

There are twice as many ATMs in Antarctica than there are permanent residents. - Wired Magazine, 9/09 ]]> Reality Bites Bluffmaster http://www.funenclave.com/reality-bites/true-facts-vol-1-a-33444.html Fun Facts - Vol 1. http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/unlimited-fun-funenclave-facts-vol-1-a-33434.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:45:46 GMT Shania Twain is Mark Twain's great-granddaughter.

Scientists estimate that sleep lost due to daylight saving time reduces the average lifespan by nearly two full months.

No NCAA basketball team from a school located in its state's capitol has ever won the national championship.

The top three names for female babies born in China last year were Huan, Jia, and Ethel.

Shortly before his execution, Timothy McVeigh constructed a scale model of the Lincoln Memorial with popsicle sticks.

Because the Japanese language has several thousand characters, each episode of Japan's "Wheel of Fortune" can last several days.

Strains of bacteria similar to E. coli have been found in used printer cartridges - but only in the color cyan. Scientists have no explanation.

Female monkeys recognize their children by height and weight, not necessarily by their facial characteristics.

The Australian aborigine language has over 30 words for "dust."

Anyone convicted of animal cruelty in Sedalia, Missouri, is sentenced to a month's confinement in the county animal shelter.

Fewer divorces occur in families in which the children wake their parents before 6 a.m. on Saturdays.

John F. Kennedy was an accomplished ventriloquist.

Two-thirds of all the world's coriander comes from a single valley in Italy.

Contrary to popular belief, the white is not the healthiest part of an egg. It's actually the shell.

Adding baking soda and vinegar will make your scrambled eggs fluffier.

The first prototype defibrillators delivered 1,200 joules of electrical energy instead of the now standard 360, occasionally causing dead bodies to sit upright momentarily as though they were still alive.

Every member of the Australian band Men at Work is currently unemployed.

Customs officials have dogs that are trained to distinguish between Cuban cigars and all other cigars.

Archimedes' screw was the basis for Max Factor's invention of the twisting lipstick holder.

A Tokyo inventor has developed a laptop computer whose battery is recharged by energy generated from the movement of the user's mouse, yet Sony lawyers have successfully blocked every attempt to produce a product using the technology.

Ballpoint pens were invented by a Michigan scientist attempting to reduce the number of birds killed for their quills.

Socrates is thought to be the first to use the phrase "a bad case of the Mondays".

Penguins can smell toothpaste from several miles away.

Glamorous movie star Brad Pitt once had a summer job posting warning signs at coal mine entrances.

During a banana shortage in the summer of 1958, banana splits were made with zucchini or carrots.

The National Weather Service will pay $30 for the rights to any original photograph of lightning.

In the early 1800s, a flush beat a full house in poker.

The rhesus monkey is the only animal that can be taught to hum a tune.

Biblical scholars recently unearthed a previously unknown gospel written by a disciple named "Rusty".

With the exception of a small 200-square-mile section of Antarctica, every single square kilometer of dry land on the planet has been walked on by at least one human being.

The Mongolian pony is the only animal other than an elephant capable of fending off an attack by a healthy adult tiger.

In 1984, an Ohio family visiting New York City stood at a broken DON'T WALK sign for three days.

Because of their unusual shape, Hershey's Kisses contain more calories per ounce than the same amount of chocolate in other forms.

If you tar and feather a 2x4 and place it in your yard, it will ward off bats.

The largest home in the United States, North Carolina's Biltmore House, was originally intended to be the official residence of a new monarchy to be established when the South rose again.

The Toltec calendar was based on a 360-day year, with each day being about 24 hours and 20 minutes long.

The universal size of the credit card is based entirely on the size of the 1960s US Communist Party membership card. Credit cards were designed so that they wouldn't cause the Communist Party card to stand out.

The K in K-Mart stands for K-Mart.

Nobody born in Kentucky has ever been elected to Congress.

In an effort to improve the nutritional value of its "Shamrock shakes," McDonald's colors them with broccoli extract.

M & Ms were candy-coated peas during a chocolate shortage in the 1950s.

After he resigned from the Presidency, Richard Nixon could often be found on the beaches of San Clemente, with his ever-present metal detector.

Winston Churchill was born with a third nipple, which he removed himself with nail-clippers at the age of 14.

Only a single dissenting vote prevented the death penalty in Texas from being carried out by immersing the convicted person in a nest of fire ants.

If you place a fresh Viagra tablet in a houseplant's soil every six months, the plant will not wilt.

Because he forgot his boots, Buzz Aldrin walked barefoot on the moon.

The practice of putting a letter "e" in front of words to mean "web-based" (e.g., eBusiness, eLearning, etc.) was patented by Microsoft in 1992. They are waiting until their anti-trust trial has been officially completed to begin enforcing it.

If a cricket were the size of Mount Rushmore, it could jump to the moon.

During a nine month strike in 2002, the Weather Channel broadcast reruns.

A 9-volt battery contains roughly the same amount of kinetic energy as a bowl of Lucky Charms.

The Yanomami tribesmen of the Amazon basin can track game birds by the slight difference in warmth their shadows create on the forest floor as they fly by, for up to an hour after the birds have departed.

Rapid deforestation has decreased the friction of the surface of the Earth, causing it to spin infinitesimally faster and thereby cool the air, combating global warming.

President Harry S. Truman would often go on vacation and secretly have his identical twin Larry run the country.

The flush toilet was invented in Flushing, NY.

New data suggests that so-called global warming may be due to a batch of faulty thermometers.

The inner core of most standard golf balls is made of nougat, which helps the balls remain aloft longer.

Over the last two decades, more Americans died of heart attacks while watching horror movies in movie theaters than died while sky-diving.

Every common food product, with the exception of fish, contains some traces of peanuts.

A bad case of laryngitis forced Abraham Lincoln to lip-sync the Gettysburg Address. The speech was actually delivered by an aide hidden beneath the stage.

The number of words in the Bible divided by the number of verses equals exactly 666.

L L Cool J once marketed a line of mail-order clothing, under the name "L L Cool Bean".

Anthropologists have discovered a tribe of South American monkeys with a rudimentary system of government analogous to our own three-branch form of government.

The shoe Nikita Khrushchev used to bang on the United Nations table was purchased by Thom McAn.

Constipation kills nearly twice as many people as diarrhea, mainly because the former mostly afflicts the old and weak while the latter mostly affects young, strong children.

Frank Sinatra didn't want to record the song "My Way" but was forced to by his record label.

It is physically impossible to urinate and give blood at the same time.

In China, John Steinbeck's "The Grapes of Wrath" is translated as "Angry Berries."

If you fill a standard 750ml wine bottle with live hornets, their angry buzzing will resonate at precisely the right frequency to shatter the glass.

During his famous "Blue Period", Pablo Picasso invented the substance that eventually became known as Play-Doh.

Every year in the fall, Niagara Falls is shut down for maintenance for 24 hours. The flow is diverted using a massive series of pipes and spigots built for this purpose in 1837.

At thirteen hospitals around the country, there is a Dr. Pepper on staff.

Every 23 seconds, someone is having sex in a carpet store.

In the early 1940s, Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted only of little pasta swastikas.

Singer Cat Stevens is allergic to cats.

The Chilean hummingbird has been known to suck blood from animals like a giant mosquito.

Many of the above "fun facts" come from the writers on the Late Show. Thanks, Dave Letterman!

None of the above facts are true.
]]> Fun Stuff Bluffmaster http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/unlimited-fun-funenclave-facts-vol-1-a-33434.html Who is the BEST???(An Old Joke) http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/who-is-the-best-old-joke-33375.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:37:01 GMT Who is the BEST - Infosys, Wipro or TCS?

One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk.

"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?"

Why not, said the other two.

The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm".

Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still. As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put. Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him. The other two were astonished.

So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!"

So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again.

Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder! The other two just could not believe their eyes!

So the tcs guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run".

And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go. So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death! The other two surrendered.

They Said: "OK, we give up. You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.

"Well", said the Infosian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying. And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!" ]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/who-is-the-best-old-joke-33375.html Fight with wifes begins... http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/fight-with-wifes-begins-33374.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:34:35 GMT When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... ..so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... ..so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.

*-*-*-*-*-*
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started. ]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/fight-with-wifes-begins-33374.html Understanding Engineers http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/understanding-engineers-33358.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:19:24 GMT UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She took one look at me, threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said to me, 'Take what you want' , so I did."
The second engineer nodded approvingly.
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SIX
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool." ]]> Jokers Club knoughtyd http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/understanding-engineers-33358.html Newton vs Rajnikanth http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/newton-vs-rajnikanth-33324.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:14:09 GMT *Newton - The Father of Physics committed suicide, you know why?* *_Here are the reasons_*: Once he came to India and He watched a few Tamil movies and had his head spinning He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he... Newton - The Father of Physics committed suicide, you know why?

Here are the reasons:
Once he came to India and He watched a few Tamil movies and had his head spinning He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.In the movie of Rajnikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.

Here are a few scenes:
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In one of the movies, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet.Guess, what he does....... He holds a knife in his hand and throws at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but he has no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet.Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a movie for one last time! and thought that at least one movie will follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed.

Oops not so fast.

The Climax finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because its the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible). Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits Suicide. May his soul rest in peace:rofl::rofl: ]]> Jokers Club knoughtyd http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/newton-vs-rajnikanth-33324.html Women with BIG Breasts are Smarter : A Study http://www.funenclave.com/reality-bites/women-with-big-breasts-smarter-study-33311.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 10:44:15 GMT Image: http://i34.tinypic.com/2uypp3q.jpg A bigger bra size not only gives your sex appeal a boost but also reflects your intelligence, suggests a new survey. A study conducted in the United States showed that women with big breasts are smarter than those who are less endowed. ...

A bigger bra size not only gives your sex appeal a boost but also reflects your intelligence, suggests a new survey.

A study conducted in the United States showed that women with big breasts are smarter than those who are less endowed.

Referring to a Singapore newspaper article, Sin Chew Daily revealed that the study was aimed to find out whether the size of a woman’s bust affected her brainpower.

The study, conducted by a female researcher in Chicago, involved 1,200 women.

The subjects were divided into five groups, from extra small to extra big, reports The Star Online.

The study speculated that such women were smarter due to the higher level of female hormones that could result in better development in the brain.

:awesome::awesome: ]]> Reality Bites Chulbuli_Si http://www.funenclave.com/reality-bites/women-with-big-breasts-smarter-study-33311.html ...Guess The Nationality http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/guess-the-nationality-33284.html Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:51:50 GMT *!!.Guess The Nationality.!!* Image: http://i568.photobucket.com/albums/ss126/cupidguy24/1.jpg *Is it…. . |

!!.Guess The Nationality.!!

:rofl::rofl::rofl::ohyeah::ohyeah::lmao: :lmao:

]]> Fun Stuff Chulbuli_Si http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/guess-the-nationality-33284.html <![CDATA[Don't copy if you can't paste!]]> http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/dont-copy-if-you-cant-paste-33277.html Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:45:01 GMT A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.

He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "....and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water

Moral of the story:

Don't copy if you can't paste! ]]> Jokers Club C.Ronaldo http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/dont-copy-if-you-cant-paste-33277.html Always Aim for a Higher Target! (18+) http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/always-aim-for-higher-target-18-a-33255.html Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:09:14 GMT Always Aim for a Higher Target! v v v v v v v v v

Always Aim for a Higher Target!
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:ohyeah::ohyeah::ohyeah::rofl::rofl::rofl::bleh::d evil:

]]> Fun Stuff Chulbuli_Si http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/always-aim-for-higher-target-18-a-33255.html The 7 Types Of Awkward Workouts (NOT 4 KIDS EYES) http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/7-types-awkward-workouts-not-4-a-33254.html Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:07:35 GMT Image: http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/2573/noisy0068730.png Image: http://img4.imageshack.us/img4/9448/squatting0069475.png Image: http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/4576/cruncher0069777.png Image: http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/6836/stink0070087.png

]]> Fun Stuff Chulbuli_Si http://www.funenclave.com/fun-stuff/7-types-awkward-workouts-not-4-a-33254.html Enjoy The Perfect Hubby http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/enjoy-the-perfect-hubby-33253.html Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:03:00 GMT Enjoy The Perfect Hubby

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.

A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs. 10,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs. 40,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ..... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs. 2,50,00,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 2,25,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go for the extra amount. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks: ............ .......

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"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?" ]]> Jokers Club Ayesha M http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/enjoy-the-perfect-hubby-33253.html Influence of Anesthesia http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/influence-of-anesthesia-33227.html Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:58:05 GMT In a recovery room a man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery. His wife was sitting by his side holding his hand. His eyelids just opened for a few seconds. He looked at his wife as if he was returning from out of body experience, hallowed by bright white light. With a broken smile... In a recovery room a man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery.

His wife was sitting by his side holding his hand. His eyelids just opened for a few seconds.
He looked at his wife as if he was returning from out of body experience, hallowed by bright white light. With a broken smile and in a groggy voice he mumbled at his wife, "You are so beautiful."

Then he fell asleep and started snoring again waking up other recovering room surgery patients and annoying nurses.”

His wife had never seen him so ugly and yet so romantic. So she suppressed all her disgust of environment, held his hand tighter and chose to stuck there for a while.

After a while the man opens his eyelids again but wider and for longer time. He loves the comfort of his wife and says, "You are cute!"

The wife was disgusted, threw his hand on the bed and demanded an explanation, “It was ‘beautiful’, last time and how it is 'cute' this time. What happened to my beauty?”

The man answered, “Honey, I am recovering to reality from the influence of Anesthesia.” ]]> Jokers Club Kimi http://www.funenclave.com/jokers-club/influence-of-anesthesia-33227.html